You Are More Empowerment Coach

Why Being and Feeling Authentic Can Be Challenging Especially These Days

2012-01-27T12:51:00.000-08:00

Mark Twain said, “The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.” Whatever you pursue in your outer life will never fill the inner void created by feeling inauthentic; you have to fill it yourself, and first.

“Sam” was so distressed and confused that he’d pretty much shut down; and even told me he almost didn’t want to do our coaching call. What happened to Sam was that he’d recently entered a new career field and believed he’d found the ideal company to work with. What he soon discovered was that his values and theirs didn’t match. He’s about listening to clients and providing service that meets a client’s needs; the company is about closing the deal, even if it requires falsehoods and pressure be used—tactics they teach. Though he’s had successes since he started there, without using these “tricks of the trade,” a co-worker told Sam that he’s considered a “failure to launch.”

Sam is a person who’s clear about his values and knows he must stay true to them or he goes out of harmony with himself and his life. He succeeds at whatever he does, in accordance with his definition and parameters, no one else’s. He was out of balance and couldn’t figure out how to get back in harmony. This was a new experience for Sam—not being able to return himself to inner harmony, and he couldn’t figure out how to lift himself out of this mire so he could feel he stood on solid ground again.

Because he’s still in a learning phase and needs a support system while he adjusts, he had true inner and outer turmoil going on. On the one hand, he was being asked to compromise his values for profits. On the other hand, he was being referred to as a failure because of how this “request” was affecting him. Anyone who’s just getting started with something new is eager for the day they feel they can trust their skills completely, and feel and be strong because of it. This skill strength was, understandably, still missing for Sam. So he dwelled more on self-doubt than on what was really happening.

Sam felt immobilized, and he felt alone, which is frightening. Engaging and meeting challenges and accomplishment are two of his values, so he hesitated to leave the company; but how could he willingly assist clients in the way the company insisted? He can’t; and he had to come to terms with this self-truth. He also needed a few good next steps, which we achieved. By the end of our session he said, “I can actually breathe again. I’ve been losing a lot of sleep over this.”

Being authentic is about knowing yourself and self-acceptance that supports and nurtures you, and helps you thrive. Self-doubt, which is about not being in a strong relationship with yourself, clouds many issues, as well as any process, decision-making or not, you move through. It’s difficult to see the real you or a what the real issue is in a clouded mirror.

Authenticity comes from discovering what your Values are then living from them, knowing that not doing so takes you out of integrity and diminishes your life force energy. Values are what help to create and sustain feelings in you that make you feel alive, enlivened, inspired, and in integrity. They can include accomplishment, connection, creativity, family, fulfillment, humor, honesty, inspiration, spirituality, personal development, service, adventure, abundance, and more.

When you know and live your values, you have a better chance of being and staying in harmony with yourself and, therefore, a better chance of being in harmony with others and life, as well as being more selective about who and what you choose to associate yourself with. When you live this way, prosperity and abundance take on greater meaning. Though you may have both as outer level experiences, in whatever degree that is, it becomes, ultimately, about your experiences of them growing deeper and richer at an inner level first.

These days, messages come at you and me from many directions that tell us what we “should” be and have so that no one has a reason to consider us failures or sub-standard. That’s a lot of people to please! And, many of these messages have nothing to do with our values or helping us stay real with ourselves and others. It’s pretty darn frustrating for a lot of people. What’s additionally frustrating, as it was for Sam until he saw this, is we aren’t always sure what exactly is frustrating us; so, we assume it must be about us not measuring up in some way.

You aim at improvements for yourself and your life, perhaps not always feeling certain about what you’re doing (and, certainty isn’t always required, just action on a next step that moves you forward), and along comes someone (often in an email) telling you that you don’t measure up unless you have or do XYZ. Even if you feel at your core that XYZ is not a good fit for you now, or ever, you might take on this belief (especially if you’re in a challenging phase in an area of your life), which causes you to doubt your abilities or not believe in yourself. You may even start down a path you know in your intuitive gut is not going to lead you where you want to go, but you believe you need to receive a better “measurement” in the eyes of… who? When you find the path doesn’t work for you, because it never was supposed to, you might jump into self-judgment, when you should check in with your values. Anytime something feels off or as though it doesn’t fit you, check in with your values.

In order to believe you’re less than what you truly are, you have to view yourself and life primarily through the lenses of ego and intellect, when the truth is that you and all in existence are so much more.

I ask you to begin paying attention to any message that causes you to feel less, diminished, judged… and question or dump it. Sometimes messages need to address a certain situation in order to open a discussion or thought process, and to let you know that something can be done to improve it, but this can be done in a way that speaks to or with you, not down to or at you. If a message doesn’t inspire you, that is, breathes life into you in some measure, question it.

No one can define who the real you is except you. No one can tell you what being authentically you is about except you. No one can deepen and enrich the relationship you have with yourself… except you. Like Sam, you might get some assistance, but it all comes back to you: what you allow, and what you embrace.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

Three of the Biggest Blocks to Manifestation Fulfillment

2012-01-20T12:21:00.001-08:00

There are three main (typical) ways you block manifestation. Learn what they are so you learn what to do about them.

BLOCK 1

The first block to manifestation is not asking for what you want at the start, or if you do ask, not asking in the correct way. Many spiritual disciplines provide versions of “Ask and you will receive,” but there’s more to this, as you’ve probably discovered, and which I’ll explain.

Okay, we get that we need to ask; but what usually happens is we think about what we want or need then jump into making a plan or take massive action, often because others expect us to or told us this is the way to act, or to appease the ego. We rush around, exhaust ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally, and feel frustrated about minimal results, or the absence of them. Also, thinking something “to death” or worrying about it is NOT asking.

An old adage says, “Sharpen the ax before you go to the tree.” Ask in the right way first. Examples: “If (insert your request) is in my highest good and the highest good of all involved, I ask this to be fulfilled, and I trust that it will be. While I wait to receive results or guidance about this, I’m going to be happy and/or serene now, rather than wait to be happy or serene if or when I receive this or something even better. I am truly thankful for all that fulfills me and is fulfilled for me.” Or, “I ask that the right (clients, customers, resources, monies I need) be sent to me. While I wait for these to show up and trust that they will, or for guidance about this, I’m going to be happy and/or serene now, rather than wait to be happy or serene if or when I receive fulfillment of this request. I am truly thankful for all that fulfills me and is fulfilled for me.”

I know that many action-driven people might disagree, at first blush, with the above paragraphs. We (and they) have been taught that strategies and systems and actions are what “responsible” and “successful” people do, but we’re seldom taught how vital it is that we strengthen and trust our relationships with our Infinite Selves and Source… above all. Yet, these relationships are what are needed as our foundation, are where real inner power comes from and where highest-good fulfillments get created and put into motion in our lives. Too often, much too often, we attempt to do everything on our own, without the assistance of our Infinite Selves and Source. I’m not saying you aren’t to take action, I’m saying get aligned with your Inner Energy before you take action, so that your action is Source and Life Energy-driven, not fear-based ego-driven.

BLOCK 2

This leads to the second biggest block: Strife. Notice that “happy and/or serene” were included in the requests shared above. Strife is a really big problem when it comes to manifestation because the vibration or energy of fulfillment, the vibration or energy that allows and supports fulfillment, is serenity. There’s no way around this. Judging is strife. Anxiety is strife. Anger is strife. Stressing is strife. Anything not supportive or serene – anything not a positive vibration – is strife.

We often call what we do “striving to succeed” or, perhaps even, to survive; but we’re really “strifing,” which will never result in the full success or fulfillment we desire. Strife blocks requested manifestation fulfillment, and creates more of what you don’t want. If your ego wants to disagree with this, just consider your typical experiences and results. You can ask and ask (or plead or demand); but as long as strife instead of serenity is present, the energy of strife will push away the very results, resources, or people you wish to have in your life.

By the way, serenity doesn’t mean you’re so mellow you can’t function; it means your actions or non-actions, your words, your thoughts and feelings are centered and fueled via your connection with your Infinite Self and Source, instead of spiking out and poking people’s eyes out… energetically speaking, that is. This is the Catch-22 it’s so easy for all of us to find ourselves engaged in. This may help: Think of a sailboat. Is sailing smoother, faster, more effortless on calmer waters or on stormy seas? Effortless manifestation is a form of sailing in life, and is worth doing what’s required to know you can do this consistently; but, it is way more about first Being than Doing.

BLOCK 3

The third biggest block is doubt. Make your requests to Source free of doubt and self-doubt, free of any doubts about your self-worth and what you deserve. Source supplies freely. Source doesn’t supply you or anyone based on what’s deserved, but will honor that you believe this, until you don’t. Doubts of any kind come from the ego that’s been affected by limiting beliefs, and are contrary to the truth of Source, your Infinite Self, and how Source set up the Creative Energy to work for and with you.

Some manifestations are instant because everything is set up and ready to go – as soon as you ask and allow it. Others are not in your highest good, so never happen. And some requests require a bit of time because more than just you is involved. While you wait, occupy yourself and your mind with positive and productive thoughts and actions. Do what you need to maintain states of serenity and happiness, which are the “attractive” energies, literally and metaphysically. Do this despite what appearances are. Remind yourself of how you felt when something or something even better happened before. State, as often as you need to, throughout the day that you believe or know that Source is at work on this in ways for your highest good.

You cannot expect what you ask for to manifest fully if strife is driving your life and doubt is what you entertain. You don’t even have to believe or practice metaphysics or spirituality for this to be the truth. Life, through the creative quantum energy, responds in this way no matter what your belief system is or isn’t. The more strife and doubt you stop practicing the more serene you’ll be. Obvious, but we miss it more often than we see it. To do this requires dedication to develop your strife-free, doubt-free inner power, and to practice daily self-discipline about this, so that you shift away from ego’s insecurities that cause you to engage strife and doubt. If life or particular life areas don’t seem to be working out for you, it’s likely you’re allowing strife and doubt to clutch you in their grasp instead of you holding serenity and trust at your core.

Begin to practice looking at your blocked life areas to reveal whatever strife or doubt you may be engaging in. Ask for what you want, in the right way. It is your choice to either wear yourself out while you try to do everything yourself or to follow a path with Source as your companion that leads to more effortless manifestation and greater serenity, fulfillment, and joy.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

Maybe It Is All in Your Mind

2012-01-13T13:04:00.001-08:00

Where do you experience most of your life? Is the majority of activity outside of you or inside your mind?

I was with a person who, as other times before, talked about what’s perceived as wrong in her life, wrong with others, and recounted past events shared from a negative perspective. Yet, I didn’t have the same experience of this as I’ve had prior times. Instead, I was serene, which allowed me to listen and observe differently (rather than absorb that energy). In fact, my all-round participation was different. It was like being in freezing temperatures, but staying warm because there was a heater hidden in my energy field. While the person complained, I felt cozy inside and out, with no need to engage or judge her “it’s miserable” perspective. Eventually, my inner flame warmed her, as well.

Granted, our time spent together was limited, but when I thought about this, I realized that what I usually experience with this person is not the person herself as much as it is that I experience myself, that is, my perceptions, my judgments, my expectations, and my ego’s inner dialogue that likes to run on and on. It’s called mind chatter, which is one of the biggest wastes of life force energy we self-indulge in.

Mind chatter takes up mental space, which means there’s little room for inspiration, creativity, and intuitive information to communicate with you and lead you along a more joyful, productive, and fulfilling path… one of genuine connection with yourself, Source, others, and your life.

We, understandably, believe we are fully present with others, or with life matters, but we aren’t really as “there” as we might like to think we are. Instead, we’re inside our mind, usually listening to our insecure ego that is busy sniping about how it wants everything and everyone to be a certain way. This bumps us right out of being fully present, where we can be responsive in a productive way, and makes us less prone to remember we are spiritual beings with an inner power more dynamic than we usually allow it to be for us; a power that waits for us to remember it’s there and “plug in” so its energy can flow to us and through us.

Sometimes we get so full of mind chatter we spew it out, believing we’re having a conversation or being productive, when we’re just informing people in which ways we feel out of control in our life. Mind chatter happens; and if you let it have its way, it’ll have you upset more often than not, and possibly doing battle with people in real life or on the battlefield created in your mind.

So, how did I get into and stay in that more serene inner place during that time? I decided to hold silent power, to pay attention differently, to be with the person and the energy instead of in the mind chatter of my ego… kind of like watching a film, or being okay with a minor role instead of being the star or competing for top billing (not always easy, but doable). I allowed and reminded myself to stay connected to the truth of my inner power, as much as possible.

My experience included asking myself questions like: Do I choose to be aligned with my power enough to provide appropriate energetic and other support to this person so she won’t feel so insecure, or worse, judged because of my ego’s as yet unresolved issues? Am I listening with more than my ears and ego? What and how do I choose to engage, and will this engagement be fueled by my personal power and connection to Source… or my ego?

Sometimes the way you can best support or engage yourself and others is through silence; but this requires the energy of serenity from higher understanding and awareness so that your silence isn’t underscored with negative mind chatter and the ego’s resentment about you choosing to keep your mouth shut.

Stuff happens, and we get triggered. Personal power helps you stay stable. If you’re not engaging your power, then anything, even small stuff, can rattle you and you find yourself following your emotions wherever they lead. There are at least two typical ways you might deal with mind chatter, which include either going with it, which puts you in a bad mood you then “share” with others, or self-deprecation because you have the chatter going on, so you tell yourself you have to stop this, which frustrates you if you don’t have a way to do this that works. What’s working for me, as soon as I see this happening (or sometimes before it starts), is I use a few genuinely empowering-for-me statements and repeat them like a mantra, to remind myself to more deeply connect with my personal power and what it really means; and to re-dedicate myself to this every day.

You cannot be strong in your personal power if or when your emotions are out of control. Mind chatter keeps you out of control because you choose to let the needy ego run amok rather than do what it takes to build up and stand in your power.

Personal power requires self-discipline, or self-management, if that’s an easier term for you to accept and allow. Without this, your life is disorganized, messy, and therefore, unfulfilling; and this is true for any area of your life. Any emotional, and even physical, “mess” in your life indicates a weakness in your connection to your personal power, in partnership with Source, and that ego is running the show. Messes are a declaration by ego that it either believes it can make a mess and others will clean it up or that it’s too “special” or “justified” to concern itself with such details. The more you follow either of these paths the more ego will control your life; and, you won’t appreciate the results, including how this affects your confidence, your ability to put your attention and energy towards what you really desire to experience, and your level of success and fulfillment.

If your life or a particular area of it seems out of control, look first at what you’re allowing to happen in your mind. Consider what you’ve read here and put some or all of it into practice, and you will begin to build your life force energy and personal power. This may happen quickly or may feel slower than you’d like; and the building speed may be different for the affected areas of your life. Your progress depends on your practice. Whatever it is that you think you want, personal power and life force energy are what you really want because they are what support you to experience your life the way you really desire to, inwardly then outwardly. Whenever you’re ready, get out of your mind chatter and into your true power. You’ll find Source is ready to assist you.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

How Do You Clear Your Inner Space?

2012-01-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to point at and click a Delete button at what clutters your inner space? Our days would be so different if we could.

When I turn on my computer each morning, I go through a 3-step ritual. First, I use a program (which interestingly has the word Aware in its title) that identifies unseen attachments that came from outside my computer. The program quarantines the items, and I hit the Delete button to remove them and their potential or actual influence. This first step has an added benefit: Using it lessens how many of the unseen attachments get sent to other people’s computers through emails I send. Second, I go to Temporary Files and delete those. Third, I delete files in the Recycle Bin. This ritual lets my computer run faster and better. If my computer starts to run a bit slower and less efficiently, I repeat the 3-step process. Sometimes, this is necessary to do several times a day.

It would be so convenient to have similar features installed in ourselves to deal with negative attachments so we could just point and click and be done with them. Instead, we actually have to Pay Attention to our attachments and do the work ourselves. But, there is a benefit to this: we can evolve from this type of attention; our computers and their programs can’t do this, not without our help.

The ritual is important, if I want a better performing computer. But, a ritual is only as good as the self-discipline to use it. And, rituals, just like program updates, need updates over time because we change and life changes. When it comes to personal rituals, flexibility fueled by dedication to yourself and your life is a must; but you want rituals that support you, not encumber you.

It’s been said repeatedly, and proven, that a ritual of some kind, used in the morning or at night, for even a few minutes if that’s all you have, makes a difference. If, as part of your ritual, you identify and target even one attachment to pay attention to that day so you can do something different about it, that action may have a huge impact. And, maybe you’ll pay attention so that you don’t “share” the energy of your negative attachment(s) with others. I think you know the type of energy I’m talking about.

Our Temporary Files are matters we haven’t made a decision about, matters we haven’t taken action on, and matters we know are just clutter but we haven’t made the effort to organize or delete them from our inner list.

Our Recycle Bin holds attachments, grievances, and limiting beliefs we’re hanging onto, deliberately or not. There are lots of files labeled “Past” stored in that bin, more often than not. But, unlike recyclable physical items that can be used and be a benefit to others, our “emotional clutter” benefits no one, least of all us; it just takes up inner space that could be used in better ways. However, just as some recyclable items can be reformed or converted into something that does benefit others, there are ways to use your emotional stuff to help others. That’s just not the way it’s generally used.

And there’s the need to self-monitor throughout the day, when you notice you’re not feeling or performing the way you’d prefer to as an individual. This doesn’t always feel as easy as it might seem it should. We like to think we’re doing everything right or as best as we can. When we see this might not be the case, we may pull some attachments out from one of those three areas and basically add more fuel to the fire.

Let’s face it, we’re not computers. We may think we’ve deleted a negative attachment (sometimes we really do), yet, abracadabra, it shows up again, and again, and again. But with awareness, we can lessen its influence each time; we can lessen our reactions when such thoughts reappear. We can look at the three parts described here (attachments, temporary files, recycle bin) to see which one we’re stumbling around in and identify what we can do to clear an attachment from our inner space, as much as possible at that time.

One way to do this is to choose and use one word like Serenity, Beauty, Peace, Love, Trust, Abundance, Prosperity… any word that conveys energy opposite of the energy the negative attachment holds over you, and repeat that word throughout the day. One thing: You have to mean it for it to create an inner shift that leads to an outer one. This practice may seem simplistic, but it’s effective. Add this step to your Awareness ritual and see what happens. Just know it takes more than one go at this. Use one word (or up to five) every day for a week and let me know what this experience is like for you.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

Are You Engaged in Effort or Struggle?

2011-12-30T14:33:00.000-08:00

When you feel disempowered, you engage in struggle. What’s the way back to personal strength and power when this happens?

Based on how you feel in your life right now, you know if it’s effort or struggle you’re engaging at this time. Here’s a bit more information to help you gain greater understanding about this.

Effort is what moves you forward mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, and in all other ways. Effort means you take action as needed, either inner or outer or both, without trying to force results, all the while paying attention with your senses and intuition to the smaller and bigger pictures so you can make needed adjustments or alignments. Struggle indicates a lack of Self-understanding and an attachment to lack that creates yearning. It’s rife with negative emotion, and tries to force results.

Effort is natural, struggle is not. Effort performs best when a sufficient level of supportive organization is involved. Struggle breeds and results in chaos and overwhelm.

Effort involves a level of simplicity. You start where you are and expand in right timing, with appropriate-for-you actions you may adjust, add, or move beyond along the way. Struggle wants instant gratification; and if it gets it, wants even more. Effort feels honorable, struggle does not.

Effort helps us manage our energy in a way that supports and empowers us; struggle has us running amok at the inner level, always, and often at the outer level, as well. Effort liberates, struggle imprisons. Effort leads to fulfillment and may provide fulfillment while we make the effort. Struggle is a burdening ego need for self-indulgence on some level. Our frightened ego wants its cravings fed. Our spirit is fed from within and from our relationship with Source; and when we’re in this inner place, we feel guided and in flow about our efforts. We understand that trust is the way, the path.

People often believe their primary struggles are with issues about money, relationships, and careers. At the heart of any issue is the struggle for acceptance; yet, the only acceptance that really matters is you accepting yourself as an empowered spiritual being. Non-acceptance of Self reveals we’re operating from ego, even though we usually think it’s the other way around.

Nearly two decades ago (1996), Stuart Wilde wrote: “With the explosion of mass media and the information highway, glamour, hype, and showing off have replaced true worth.” If this statement was accurate then, and it was, just think about what this really means and in what ways this may have affected you consciously and subconsciously, particularly as this has only expanded since then. Think about how often you compare your true worth with what others do and with what they say is in their bank account and should be in yours. These days the money-equals-true worth philosophy is driving many individuals down a very bumpy Struggle Road that is a slippery slope for many.

Effort is what helps you fulfill your purpose and passion, and strengthens you in some way, whether that’s obvious to others or not; and, their opinion can’t concern you, as it’s your power involved. Money that results from such effort is an energetic exchange of appreciation derived at a deeper level. Money that results from struggle, if or when that actually happens, tends to adhere to another statement by Wilde: “Money doesn’t give you real strength; it just keeps you comfortable while you experience your dysfunction.”

Here’s one reason the pursuit for money, based on a desire to feel strong “once you have it,” may create struggle: Your spiritual self likely has a different target in mind for you; perhaps, an inner result is required before an outer one is delivered, like realizing your true strength is inside you. Money, power, or celebrity won’t cause the inner strength or personal power you hope it will. That has to come from within; and your spirit may be trying to communicate this to you by not fulfilling your disempowered ego’s desires… until you get this and begin to live it. No amount of Law of Attraction type practices can influence your infinite spirit to operate in a way that’s not in your favor or for your highest good. It wants you to know that your spiritual strength and personal power are what you are to rely on, and NOT on outer manifestations or others to affirm your true worth. And, it has infinite patience to wait for you to get on board.

We’ve gotten confused by hype. Granted some people who’ve made a name for themselves did so by letting go of struggle and moving into effort regarding their purpose, and continue to do so without hype. But hype causes those starting out or in the building phases of life or business, and definitely those engaged in any kind of struggle, to enter a competitive mindset. That is, they compare themselves, not to others (who they usually don’t personally know, not that that matters either), but to the hype. This might result in feeling superior, but it most often results in feeling inferior, which is false and a waste of personal power and an individual’s unique creativity and gifts.

If you’re on a path of passion and purpose, or just want to feel stronger where you are right now in your life, follow through with your inner and outer efforts and don’t compare yourself to anyone. Aim at results, but learn and grow by how you process your inner and outer experiences along the way to results. Understand the process is also filled with results, ones that feed and nurture you long after any goal is met.

Effort supports you to expand who you are, not what your frightened ego needs to feel secure. The ego’s purpose is to keep you alive. However, if you feel it wobble or quake, that’s a signal you’re believing something other than the Truth. This is the time to remind yourself that your true Self is eternal, immortal, universal, and infinite; and all that you are has beauty and strength. That feels solid rather than frenetic and fragmented. You won’t struggle when you feel solid. You’ll open to flow and feel guided about your efforts, including sometimes doing nothing until you know what to do, either of which you’ll do with calmer energy and trust in your personal evolutionary process.

If you’ve been or are engaged in struggle, the first thing you can do to shift this is get quiet and tune in to your inner strength. Stand in it. Let go of any beliefs you’ve absorbed from positive or negative hype, from anyone at any time in your life, and Stand In Your Strength, perhaps in silence, while you reconnect or deepen your connection with your true Self. Do this, and you build your personal power. Practice assessing whether what you feel, think, say, and do supports struggle or effort. Life doesn’t have to be a struggle if you supply appropriate effort to standing in your strength and strengthening your personal power before you apply any outward effort toward your life, purpose, and endeavors.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

Everything Has a Reason and a Season

2011-12-23T11:37:00.000-08:00

Trees don’t try to keep their leaves when autumn arrives, nor do they resist new growth in the spring. But, that’s how we sometimes approach our lives.

Life asks, insists really, that we engage a continuous shedding and new growth aspect. Maybe you’re trying to hang onto something it’s time to let go of or trying to change something not ready to shift just yet.

Everything that comes to us really does have a reason; and difficult as it sometimes is to perceive or believe, that reason fits into what I’m comfortable calling a Plan of Divine Continually Self-Adjusting Order. Even some of the most painful, frustrating, and scary moments have eventually made sense at some later time… show some purpose in my life and in the greater tapestry I’m a part of. Like when a personal or professional relationship ends, only to see days, months, or years later that what happened was actually order demonstrated within what felt like chaos initially or even for a while longer.

Every change that’s happened in my life is eventually revealed as an intricate, integral piece of something larger… something only a Higher Hand could orchestrate with such precision and wisdom. Pain and struggle felt after events have happened, felt that way because I temporarily disconnected from absolute trust in Source, a trust that has been demonstrated as worthy and worth it more times than it seems it should take for an individual to finally accept and allow that everything has a reason.

Everything also has a season. How often have you relied on something for a while only to see it diminish or begin to show signs of this—and you tried to cling to it as though it were permanent or should be? When something is shed or removed from our life, it means that something else is coming our way; something desires to open, expand, renew, or be created.

Look at your life right now and notice what—as the Native American phrase goes—has stopped “growing corn” for you, or you’re aware that it’s heading that way. I’ll bet you can think of at least one aspect of your life this applies to, just as I can. Sometimes we think we are obligated to hold on, when we are really obligated to let go in order to look after our best interests and well-being, or towards where and how we are to grow next. People, things, and events come into our life for a reason and a season, though the season may be brief or long and the reason unclear until it’s time for us to understand it differently.

When you see that a season for something in your life is approaching its end, that’s the time to envision the next phase or realize you’re at a crossroads, and that it’s time to give what’s next real consideration. Often, because we tend to hang on to things when their season is waning, or even over, we ignore the fact that we’re being nudged or kicked in the backside, to not only embrace the fact of forthcoming change but get involved with it so we have as much influence as possible about how we experience what comes next.

Whenever the stream or streams you rely on show signs of drying up, for a reason or a season, you can consider one of these approaches:

Is it time to find a new stream? Perhaps you’re being nudged towards growth and newness, and a new right-for-you stream is elsewhere. You need to go there, where you find fresh, flowing waters. The reason your stream dries up is because you might not make the move you need to unless this happens. You may feel like you’re being punished or penalized. You aren’t; you’re being motivated to grow.
Maybe there’s a better way, an innovation, you haven’t thought of or tried yet. One tweak or even a small shift in one direction or another may make all the difference.
Maybe it’s about looking for what blocks the stream, like limiting beliefs or negative thinking, so you can begin a process that lets the waters flow again.

Sometimes we attempt to make a change happen before its time. This can feel frustrating, like we’re spinning our wheels, when we’ve simply showed up for our appointment a bit too early. It’s like getting to the restaurant far earlier than you can be seated or before other members of your party arrive. The wait feels different than if you arrived on time or together.

There’s another aspect to this. Have you ever had the feeling that something you’re about to do isn’t as “right” as it might be, or you feel hesitation? That’s your intuition communicating with you. If you’re headstrong or so focused on easing a fear, pain, or frustration with an action, you may ignore that inner nudge. I’m not saying I get this right every time, but I more often than not get that nudge and pause… like when I’m about to send an email I’m eager to get out and that twinge comes to me. I have to be willing to trust that my inner wisdom and guidance wants me to pay attention to something; and when I listen I see why the signal was sent.

You’ve heard it before: A vacuum is created so there’s room to fill it with something else, or something better, but always something that contributes to our life experience in a meaningful way. How quickly we open to seeing it this way has all to do with how long we struggle with the transition. This doesn’t mean we are obligated to “like” all change that happens; but just as forgiveness is really about setting us free, understanding this reason-and-season fact can help us find serenity that results from trust in Source when inner storms happen.

Maybe it’s time for you to give thought to which streams in your life supply you, which don’t, and which need adjustment so they flow smoothly and abundantly again. Put this kind of consideration into practice and see where or how it leads you.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

Your Commitment to You – Now and in the New Year

2011-12-21T13:49:00.000-08:00

I encourage you to tweak your thoughts—the way you’ve been thinking—so that you move through the holidays and approach 2012 with as much vision and commitment to follow your path of personal accomplishment and fulfillment as you can have at this time, as well as be willing to move to the next level or phase, instead of focusing as much as you might have been on what you believe needs to be changed, fixed, or improved about you or your life—or, stated another way, focused so much on what’s “wrong.”

I ask you to really feel inside your intuitive self what author Lynn Serafinn says about abundance: “Abundance isn’t about what you have; it’s about what you feel.” Many people feel discontent right now and have felt that way for a long time when it comes to abundance, as well as about other areas of their lives.

I think our biggest reason for the discontentment so many of us feel right this moment is that we feel disconnected, and is not actually about any temporary or perceived scarcity. How can real connection ever breed scarcity? I ask you to tune in to the following questions and your own self-awareness to see if they have any relevance for you…

How connected or disconnected do you feel with Source?
How connected or disconnected do you feel with your authentic self?
How connected or disconnected do you feel with the work you do or the service you provide, and who you provide this for or to?
How connected or disconnected do you feel with your personal values and what would really feel fulfilling for you or does feel that way?
Ask this question about anything in your life and see what comes up for you.

In an audio I recently listened to, someone said that all the interruptions in our lives and the fast-food mentality that’s everywhere are causing us to feel as though we have A.D.D., if we don’t already have it. I don’t know about you, but I feel the truth of this at a deep level. Think of all the ways we’re interrupted when we work and when we relax. Is it any wonder people feel like hamsters on a wheel, or exhausted, or lack clarity or serenity? This may be an aspect of your life you want to look at. You may say you’re connected through technology, but the fact may be you feel disconnected to genuine connection.

People look for formulas as solutions—because of these reasons (and, yes, I’ve used the word “formula” myself and find I don’t like that “buzzword” any more, which I’ll have to shift in my materials and vocabulary over time):

You want a formula because you feel disconnected from or distrustful of your own unique, natural magnetic attraction and ability to connect genuinely with others. This applies to many areas of your life, if not all of them.

Certain issues have been with you so long or have you so frustrated, you want a quick-fix. A quick-fix seldom happens. Maybe a temporary fix, but not a long-lasting one. I think you know this, as well as I do. Yet, it’s so tempting to believe a quick-fix formula promise about anything you perceive as a scarcity in your life.

Maybe you’ve been trying to fit into a mold when you really need to stand out in your interesting, distinctive, authentic way. Put a sparrow inside a box and it can’t fly.

A formula is about mixing specific “ingredients” in a specific way to get specific results, and to get the same results each and every time you use it. That works for cake baking, but no way does that fits you—or me—as individuals; and that’s why formulas don’t always work for us, if they work at all, and why you can feel “off” when you use them. This is why deliberately going for your authenticity can’t use a formula to get there. Getting “there” will be as unique and ever-changing as you are.

I encourage you to give what you’ve read here some thought, as well as to get out of your thinking and into your feelings about this. What do you want for yourself and your life? If what you’ve been doing hasn’t created results, it’s time to re-assess this.

I sincerely appreciate that you let me visit you at home or work each week through State of Appreciation. I sincerely appreciate how publishing SOA lets me BE and play in ways that feel good for me. I appreciate when you let me know that something I did or said let you feel heard or inspired.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and New Year, and holidays and a New Year filled with wonders,

Joyce Shafer
You Are More! Empowerment Coach & Author
Publisher, State of Appreciation
http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

P.S. ~ Here is information about my $1 e-book special I’m leaving open until Dec. 30, so you don’t feel rushed about considering this or making a decision, unless you know right off, that is. I’ve put my offerings into categories, with brief but I hope enough description, so you don’t have to figure out which area of your life they belong to. Also—if you get one or more of these offerings, please choose another one as my gift to you.
If you don’t feel my offerings might support you as you’d like, I encourage you to find another author or coach whose work will. You deserve to feel, be, and live strong. And, none of us do this completely alone.

MIND/ENERGY

I Don't Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say (New Edition): It’s a one-hour read that invites you to give new consideration to everyday matters we all deal with, as well as invite the bigger picture of life into the mix. This is done through a fictional story about a conversation held between two individuals. Feedback from readers has included they read it more than once and write heavily in the margins, because the messages speak to them. I will share that the Universe guided my hand in this one.

Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life & Business--The eCourse: This includes information I received and worked with when I did additional training with Coaching From Spirit. It provides methods that do work to help you manage your energy, plan your day from a more spirit/intuitive-centered approach, give voice to what you want and don’t want in life, tap into your creativity—and it does offer ways to intuitively, energetically connect with people in life or business—but if you’re looking for a business-related offering, I recommend you check out that category. Some information found here and there is repeated, though expanded in the business offerings. This one can help you manage yourself and emotions through the holidays. The reason “eCourse” is in the title is because I originally created the content for a coaching course I did.

Law of Attraction Alchemy: Change Lead Thoughts into Gold: If you are on my special list to receive uplifting messages Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday, you’ll recognize that those messages (though tweaked at times) come from here. However, the e-book has an introduction that explains a bit about Law of Attraction (enough info for newbies and a good reminder for others) and my own experience of using the statements in a specific meditative way.

Amp Up Your Awareness: Reflections on the Go: This is a collection of some of my articles that deal specifically with areas of life that concern us emotionally and energetically. Inkstone approached me to create this collection, but I arranged it to serve you in a way like angel cards: pick one and let it speak to you for the day or the moment.

BODY

How I Dropped 35 Lbs. in 2 Months the Healthy Way!: Weight gain is something that is on many people’s minds during and after the holidays. I really did do what I include in this e-book, and I really did shed 35 pounds in 2 months, and I really did feel and look healthier as a result. I included a tummy flattening exercise that, in this case, really is quick and easy and seriously effective.

BUSINESS

How To Get Your Spirituality-Based and Practical "Ducks" in a Row Before and After You Become a SoloEntrepreneur: This one’s foundation is from Reinvent Yourself, but expanded. This is why you don’t need both, just the one that better fits what you’re looking for or feels like a better fit right now. What’s true for both e-books is that they offer you methods that do allow you to discover how to be you in your business and in your connection with potential and existing clients or customers.

Spiritual Entrepreneurs: Design, Plan, & Live Your Ideal Life and Business: I got inspired to tweak and expand the information, but this is, at its foundation, what you find in the e-book listed above, just slanted towards people starting a business and struggling to keep spirituality in the mix. Again, feel the title that speaks to you, if this is something you feel drawn to explore and expand in the New Year.

How to Create a Basic Business Plan (Probably the Simplest, Most Straightforward Format You’ll Ever Use): Back when God made dirt, I kept trying to learn how to do a business plan. I went to several classes given by professionals. I heard a lot of info, but never learned how to actually create a plan. When I decided to create a print newsletter way back when, I was determined to put a plan together so I knew what I was doing—at least, as much as I could. A year or so later, my before and after plans (before I experienced the reality of publishing, and after publishing the first issue taught me some things), Gale Research published my before and after versions in their handbook. This is the standard format plus a bit.

OTHER

Write, Get Published, and Promote: An Easy e-Guide for New and Aspiring Writers: I put this one together because I kept being asked some of the same questions by aspiring writers, plus, there were questions they didn’t ask and needed to. The publishing industry changes each week, it seems, but this was designed to help anyone who wants to write but hasn’t, or is new to writing, including articles. It’s a “foot in the door” level of information, based on experience.

PIPPI'S AND PIPER'S OUTDOOR ADVENTURE: If you want to encourage a child, grandchild, or students ages 4-8 to read, improve reading skills, and enhance their thinking processes, this e-book inspires these skills with a tale of 7-year-old twins (brother and sister) who have interesting conversations with a beetle, a lizard, and a grasshopper on the first day of summer vacation. Includes fun clip art images to support the story and connect images and words. If you’re an educator, you have my permission to print copies to share with your class as they read it or follow along as you or someone reads it aloud to them.

If you wish to order from my e-book selection for the $1 special, here are the instructions:
*Go to http://www.paypal.com
*Go to Send Payment
*Type in my email address – jls1422@yahoo.com
*Copy and paste the title(s) you want – remember to include which title you’d like as a gift.
*$1 for each title (except the gift, of course)
*Include the email address where you want them sent
*Once I see the notice, I’ll email your selection to you. That’s right, this isn’t automated. This may change in 2012, but for now I’m okay about being like “the little shop around the corner” where you engage with the proprietor, when I offer specials like this one.
**If you believe immediate download will make a difference, you can get your selection(s) at the link I provide here, though, they’ll be full price. If this is your choice, please forward your emailed order confirmation/receipt to me and list the e-book you choose as your gift. The link is
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/jls1422?cid=cms_email_author_spotlight_confirmation

I have just one more thing to do before I wrap this up, and that’s to share four other ways I may be able to assist you:

1. Do It Yourself: Get the easy-to-follow Order Form and Activation Letter format to the Universe for $17. You find the Order Form, but not the letter, included in Reinvent Yourself and the similar e-books in the business category—because it’s effective. But if you just want the process and not all the other information, you can get that and the letter here. Order today at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com/apps/webstore/products/show/2827231
2. Coaching to Create and Activate Your Order Form with the Universe: Get the form, the letter, and me as your life coach to assist you with either a 30-minute coaching call or up to 3 comprehensive emails to discuss your form and letter. $97 ~ Details are at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com/apps/webstore/products/show/2805595
3. Fulfillment Is an Inside Job! ~ This is especially beneficial if you’re at a crossroads point in your life, which is a precarious time. When frustrated or desperate for change, you may jump—or be tempted to—onto the “Flashy Things” wagon and be taken for a ride that uses up time, money, and energy without leading to desired results, plus ignore your intuition… because you want to end whichever fear or frustration has a grip on you. This coaching course lets you take a journey through discovery about who you are, what you find fulfilling, what your strengths and talents are, and deepen your connection to yourself and your life. Details about this 8-week online course are available at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com/myservicesbooks.htm
4. Standard Life Coaching: The “rules” say I’m supposed to remind you about your pain (as though you need reminding) then tell you the benefits you’ll get, and never ever tell you what coaching is about—yet, how very many people tell me they don’t have a clue about it. So, I’m going to tell you about coaching, and what I will tell you is from my own experience. When I want to vent, I contact my friends. When I want to go deeper and/or move something forward I’m stuck on or perceive as an obstacle, I talk with my coach. I save these conversations for my coach because we went through the same training. We know how to listen with a coach’s “ears” and intuition, how to not believe each others’ stories, how to ask better questions so we help each other do the work, because we choose to get out of that mental/emotional space and into a better one. People want to not just be heard, but feel heard… want to feel they aren’t being judged by someone as they commit to moving through what has them feeling stuck. If this sounds like something you want to do for yourself, you can see more at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com/myservicesbooks.htm

If you made it all the way to this point, WOW! And, thank you.

Does Trying to Be Positive Ever Annoy You?

2011-12-16T12:37:00.000-08:00

Trying to be positive when that’s not how you feel is kind of like being hungry with a plate of food in front of you, but allowing yourself only a few or no bites. And then there’s the guilt, right?

Sometimes it can feel frustrating to me to practice what I preach: Look for and aim at the positive aspects and a positive attitude in each moment for your own peace of mind and harmony in your life. Why is this? I think it’s because I, and maybe you, too, aim at the desired end result too close to an experience and forget there’s a process that has a purpose that fits right smack in the middle of those two points. That process includes feelings we may label as negative, but they need to “eat” too.

I believe I’m a spiritual being having a human experience, but sometimes I slip into judgment about the human part of that equation, as though it has less value than the spiritual part, instead of being the yang to that yin, or to say it another way, the other side of a whole coin. When I do this to myself, I get onto a merry-go-round that spins a lot, but takes me nowhere. When I disregard my human aspect in this way, it puts me into the mindset of denying my emotions and feelings, as though they are faulty burdens or flaws rather than tools that are also gifts that inform. And, that doesn’t feel good either.

When we feel negative, how obligated are we to feel better fast? I think part of our confusion about this is that we try to respond to such times according to what others expect or we think they do—so, we think that’s what we also should believe, rather than let our human and spiritual aspects act as the partners they are so they can take us through an experience and move us beyond it. This is one reason some of our issues stay unresolved for such a lengthy time: we don’t hang out with them long enough in a way that allows us to be self-informed enough to make firm decisions about how to make an inner then outer shift. However, being “too comfortable” in negativity means identifying with it, as though it has you rather than you have it.

When any of us deny an emotion that asks for our attention, we deny its right to be heard. It’s like feeling the sting of a splinter in your finger, yet insisting it should be ignored in favor of a “higher” approach. It’s a fact that if that splinter finds its way deeper into your body and travels, that ain’t good. That’s what happens with denied feelings. Instead of being fully present with what’s going on, we judge ourselves for having anything going on that’s not totally positive… like insisting our coin always land heads-up and never tails-up. It’s just not realistic.

If you also believe you’re a spiritual being having a human experience, why do you think that is—what I mean is why come here to be in a body? I think we do that to feel, including feelings—like instead of watching a movie, we become actors in it so we experience it. Yet, this seems to be the very thing many of us try not to do inside our lives. With all the things we feel annoy us in life, this denial of our whole self is a really big one we annoy ourselves with.

Here are some of my personal annoyances. Maybe you share one or more:

There are times I don’t like what my human “mirrors” show me about myself. It annoys me to have a gripe about someone and have to face the fact that I do what I’m griping about them doing, in some way, shape, or form. If I don’t want to see it in them or be triggered negatively when I do, I have to shift it so I’m not doing my version of it anymore.

It sometimes annoys me to realize that thinking about “can’t’s” and “won’t’s”, as in what I can’t do and what I don’t have, will NEVER create desired results, that I really do have to direct my thoughts onto what I can do and what I do have if I want desired experiences and results. This one comes from those early years when we’re taught to compare ourselves to others, but with a negative comparison instead of a positive one, a habit we tend to continue as adults. Imagine Mozart self-judging because he wasn’t something other than what he was. He focused on what he did best, and which fed his spiritual-human self.

It annoys me to be in a bad mood and it annoys me to think I should never be in a bad mood. This is some part of me “dissing” my human aspect because, after all, as someone who’s in the self-improvement arena, I “should” always be in a good mood, right? No. I prefer to be in a good mood, so I know I’ll eventually make the effort to go in that direction or hit that target. But the fact is that sometimes it feels GOOD to be in a bad mood just for a while. Whether I inflict that on someone else and to what degree, is another matter altogether.

I know that wallowing in any emotion doesn’t benefit me, and I know that wallowing and experiencing are not the same things. I know that denial of my emotions doesn’t feel good, but neither does letting them rule me like an unruly child. I know that self-judgment never improves a down or bad mood, but denying that this happens sometimes, puts me on that merry-go-round.

I do appreciate how quickly a not-great or even bad mood can flip in a flash. I value those moments. When this happens it’s usually because someone stated appreciation to me in some way or I chose to do or say something that made another person smile or feel appreciated. Maybe we ought to re-assess and re-value how valuable appreciation is to us and others.

You may grasp and accept that everything happens for a reason, has a purpose, and has perfection in the bigger scheme, but it takes true integration before you behave like a calm, wise sage when something affects you and your life. The sage still feels, but has applied him- or herself to doing the process that leads to expanded conscious awareness, by taking themselves through contrasts brought to their attention through emotions and feelings. This process done consistently for however long it takes is what allows them to more quickly close the gap between upset feelings about an experience and true spiritual understanding and at-one-ment, which leads them to manage themselves in the way most of us aspire to do.

Life is about looking for and traveling in the direction that leads us along our path that takes us from one point to another. But, it’s our path to walk. However, we can choose who we engage with at times and how. We can choose to talk to friends, a life coach, or a counselor or therapist. We can be aware there are three forms of communication. There’s complaining while being closed to feedback and productive action steps, which energetically drains the complainer and those who listen to it. There’s venting, which is about tea and sympathy; it asks for a gentle listener who cares and will support you. And there’s discussion, which is a way to brainstorm ideas and possible solutions. Sometimes, we do all three in one conversation. But you can aim at the same target performers do: Whatever happens during the performance, end well, because that’s what people remember.

There’s an art and science to using negative emotions in our favor. We can choose to put this into practice just as soon as we decide it’s time to stop being or stop enjoying being annoyed.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
See the 4-day $1 sale on all my e-books at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Do You Practice This Mega Energy Zapper?

2011-12-09T12:59:00.000-08:00

You may use some of the usual ways to increase energy like rest, diet, supplements, etc., but finding a way to remove or shift this energy zapper will make a huge difference in every area of your life. It’s so commonly practiced that we hardly see it for what it is.

Imagine you’re in the third grade and the teacher hands you your math test, showing you got eight out of ten questions correct. Imagine the teacher being sincere in his or her praise of how well you grasped those eight questions. Now imagine the teacher working with you, pleasantly, to help you grasp the other two so you can feel even stronger in this skill, that what you both look for is what will “connect the dots” for you about these two questions. How supported would you feel? How do you think your self-esteem and self-confidence would be? What kind of self-talk would this approach create; and how would you, then, engage with others?

I used a school example, but we have to include home life, as well. What’s described above is the opposite of what usually happens in both environments. What usually happens is the huge energy zapper of what’s-wrong thinking is put into practice. This kind of thinking is taught to us, and to those who teach it to us, through criticism. What happens when criticism rather than instruction is used?

Criticism causes people to fear making mistakes—a necessary aspect of learning, evolving, and taking calculated risks that result in success. Criticism doesn’t ask good questions, it gives opinions. It focuses on the past; it makes people feel defensive instead of opens communication. It affects learning negatively instead of inspires it (fear of making mistakes); it lowers energy instead of feeds it. All of this combined sets up an environment inside a person to focus on avoiding pain, even if that causes more pain, rather than aim at the pleasure of desired results. They may even give up trying.

There are four energy forms: Physical, emotional, mental, and creative. It’s important, vital actually, to realize that all four forms are interconnected. Deplete or enhance one and the other three are affected, as well.

So, the top energy zapper you use on yourself, others can use on you, and you can use on others is to ask, imply, or focus on what’s wrong, which is criticism that’s often mistaken as solution finding. Sometimes it’s phrased as these questions: What’s wrong with you?! What were you thinking?! Who do you think you are?! Why did you do that?! Why is this happening?! Notice the deliberate use of the interrobang punctuation, named well because it really conveys the “Wham! I just hit you with a ‘What’s wrong with you’ question (that’s really a statement of my personal perspective) right between the eyes.”

Actually, it hits the solar plexus, our energetic area of personal power and security, as it relates to fear and anxiety (not immediate survival threat), which in certain modalities is linked to the adrenal glands and adrenal cortex: Adrenals influence the performance of all four energy forms. Once this Wham! happens, it’s likely we (or others) wear (inside and out) the feeling of “something’s wrong with me” or “this person sees only what they perceive is wrong with me.” Maybe we wear the feeling all the time or just when we get around certain people, depending on how we internalize it.

Whatever the question or statement form, it puts you and them into a negative mind loop. Whether on the giving or receiving end of this, thinking is likely to stay in the good/bad, right/wrong judgment mode. This closes off any input from our intuitive mind that connects our feelings with our thoughts, including empathy and compassion, and very important—curiosity. Something to be curious about is what does a person have to tell him- or herself to make the choice or decision that was made? Think of a recent choice you made, positive or negative: what did you tell yourself in order to make it?

We consider, and even label, someone who’s focused on what’s wrong as negative. Actually, it’s really about how they were influenced to think—that is, to analyze, assess, and process information. And this influence leans far or very far to the side of judging in strict terms of good/bad or right/wrong.
This kind of thinking, because it’s done while on the negative mind loop, may cause a person to do one or all of what’s listed below—and any of us can enter this loop if we aren’t watching out for it:

●Resistance or panic when change seems on the horizon or happens, instead of looking for any value the change may bring.
●Nothing is learned from new or past events, because focus is on what’s wrong, and questions based on what’s wrong get asked; and this also makes the what’s-wrong-filled present and future feel scary.
●Personal strengths or the strengths of others are ignored or forgotten, and focus and emphasis is on perceived weaknesses.
●Negative internal and external thoughts and behaviors are repeated, even though these have yet to produce desired results, and may even have made a situation worse.
●The what’s-wrong approach lowers the emotional energy of everyone involved, which then affects the other three energies.
●“Facts,” as interpreted from the negative mind loop, are gone over and over, rather than look for what’s right and how to do more of that, or a right question that could open the opportunity for improvement, an inspired idea, or a solution to arrive.
●Focus is on mistakes, or fear of making them, rather than on desired results that may take time and ongoing reassessment and adjustment.

If you have any knowledge at all about Law of Attraction, the importance of self-talk, what you see IS what you believe, or any proven truism akin to these, what does what you’ve read so far tell you a person’s life or life in general will feel and be like if “what’s wrong” is the foundation of how they (or you) think? If you pause and consider what’s going on in the smaller and larger circles of life, it’s pretty easy to see what kind of thinking is prevalent at the foundation of family life, society, and education.

This part is tricky, but key: We cannot judge something negatively about ourselves, others, or a situation and change it at the same time. That’s two contrasting visions being held at once. It’s like saying to the Universe (or ourselves), “I want the soup. No, I want the salad. No, the soup… the salad… the soup… You stall either of them from coming to you and sit in hunger, which grows, until you decide and get served the one you choose. Let’s face it, judgment happens. But at some point, if we want something different, we have to let go of judgment and train our vision (thoughts, words, actions) to support our intended result.

Is it time to start using an approach like the one described in the supportive classroom example with yourself and others? If yes, allow a learning curve and adaptation time. You and those you interact with may have a mindset entrenched in what’s-wrong thinking, and it may not be as simple as you’d like to move into a new model—but it’s worth it. Put this new way to focus into practice and you’ll start to experience how it enhances your physical, emotional, mental, and creative energies and that of others around you.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer is a Life Coach, author, and provider of Fulfillment Is an Inside Job!, an 8-week life-changing online coaching course, and publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter that blends practical & spiritual approaches to enhance personal power and self-realization through articles and free downloads, when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Number Your Days and Name Your Blessings

2011-12-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

Do your days feel ordinary? Do you feel there are too few blessings in your life? Maybe you’d like to shift this.

Let’s look at the second part of the article title first. We tend to put a lot of energy into naming what we want (often stated as “don’t haves”) and not a lot of energy into naming what we have. We are surrounded by people and advertising—obvious and subtle—that promote this as a natural or expected way to be and feel. The result is that we wake each morning, go about our days, and go to sleep with very little appreciation for what we have and may, in fact, dwell on the opposite.

We believe—which is really mimic others and repeat behaviors we learned—that it’s natural or responsible to focus on what’s “wrong” with us, everyone else, and in certain areas of our lives or life itself. This is so prevalent that we miss or discount what is right in us, others, and life. We learned to think about what’s “wrong.” We learned to complain (rather than occasionally vent) to anyone who’ll listen or happens to be where we are, maybe about the same things over and over. We’re so focused in this way that often our perspective about “what is” gets skewed, and our ability to be creative about solutions, resolutions, or improvements gets diminished.

Kurt Wright explained in his book, Breaking the Rules, that we use our rational minds to judge, to assign value as right/wrong, good/bad rather than use that part of our mind as it was designed: To convey “facts into and back out of our intuition,” so that we use our whole-mind function rather than just the analytical mind, which has been scientifically proven unable to discern fact from fiction. The result is that we disallow “good judgment” to happen. Judgment, in its most beneficial form, is there to help us figure out what fits and doesn’t, in an ongoing, ever-evolving assessment of a desired ideal. When we go straight into right/wrong, good/bad judgment, we block our intuition’s ability to respond to beneficial questions like, “What else might be going on here? What might the bigger picture be? What feels appropriate for me, or inappropriate? What would have to happen for me to feel head and heart alignment about this?”

Recognizing what you have doesn’t mean you aren’t aware of what you’d like to shift so that you have more desirable experiences and results. In fact, the greater your appreciation for what you have, the greater your ability is to solve, resolve, and make productive shifts. We want more “blessings” in our life, but do we notice (name) the ones we have? To those who have appreciation, more to appreciate is given.

One way to name your blessings, as wisely stated by Joel Osteen, is to as often as possible, exchange the words HAVE TO with GET TO. Think about what this really means in the greater scheme of life around the world. You don’t have to go to work, you get to go to work (you’re able to receive income). You don’t have to do your studies, you get to do them (education is available). You don’t have to wake up, you get to wake up (you’re alive another day, with its opportunities). You don’t have to interact with your children or other family members, you get to (your loved ones are still with you). You don’t have to work with clients or customers, you get to (people want what you provide). Recall the last thing you said you had to do and use “get to” instead of “have to”. How does that feel? Example: I have to grocery shop vs. I get to grocery shop, which means I get to walk into a store and easily reach for what I want or need rather than have to grow, raise, process, or preserve all of it.

What else in your life do you say you Have to do that, with a perspective shift, you realize you Get to do? See? Hear? Breathe? Feel? Think? Love? Appreciate? Pay for products and services that benefit your life? Use your limbs? How many things do you experience that go unnoticed or unappreciated by you?

This leads to the first part of the article title: Number Your Days. The quote comes from the Bible, Psalm 90:12 – “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” This is about appreciating each day. It’s about realizing what author Dan Millman realized: “There are no ordinary moments.” I add: only ordinary perspectives.

We are so involved with our thoughts about matters and things, mostly negative thoughts, that we miss the fact that every moment we have is extraordinary—and numbered. None of us know the number of our days or the days of others. It’s not that we’re to use this as our motivation to behave better, but to let awareness of this motivate better behavior and deeper appreciation—to place greater value on our moments and blessings than we have been. I’m not saying we should appreciate anything that’s intolerable or inappropriate (though, we can appreciate that we can discern this and make a choice in favor of our well-being); this is about the gifts in our life that we don’t recognize and name as such.

You woke up today. It’s likely you were able to get out of bed without assistance—same for going to the bathroom; or if you needed assistance, it’s likely you had it. It’s likely you showered or bathed inside, with water you could adjust temperature-wise to suit you. You probably had coffee and food in your kitchen or easy access to someone who provided them. Maybe you drove, rode a bike, used public transportation, or walked to work—even if that’s in the next room. Maybe you interacted with a loved one or will during the day. The list can go on and on. It’s up to you to practice naming your blessings, small and large. It’s up to you to practice seeing your days and moments as numbered and, therefore, not in the least ordinary.

Today, and everyday, take time to appreciate what you have, especially what you usually don’t think about, or often take for granted. Consider the habit of not getting out of bed until you find at least one reason to feel deep appreciation, rather than start your day with grumbling. Make a moment to state appreciation to someone—it matters. It makes a difference—for them and for you.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

The Greatest Challenge of Enlightenment?

2011-11-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

Enlightenment can be challenging; at least, that’s been my experience at times—mostly because of what we have to let go of in order to let it in. But, is there a particular challenge to be aware of? Let’s see.

There’s a passage in the Bible that says what the result of planting a seed of faith is has all to do with where the seed is planted and whether or not it takes root. Think of all the things we’ve been told that matter when it comes to manifestation and Law of Attraction, things that make it work and what might prevent it from working. I believe there’s something at the heart of this, or in this case, at the root: I believe it starts with the seed.

You may plant the seed of trust, faith, or belief in Truth—and this may show itself as a seedling above ground; but until it takes root in your very being, the first wind (challenge, trial, or tribulation) that comes up may up-root it. Also, many of us grew up in an environment that’s more like a seed planted among thorny bushes, in the soil of worry, fearfulness, and struggle. This is why worry, fearfulness, and negative thinking seem to run in our veins; and we may even feel we can’t get rid of them, despite our efforts to think and act the opposite. We’re confused about what to do to shift this. This leads me to . . .

The passage that states those who have will be given more; and those with less will have more taken away, which makes sense when you think of it in terms of trust in the Truth. If you start with even a small amount of genuine trust—not lip-service to it, you’ll be given even more reasons to trust. You’ll receive personal evidence that demonstrates that your trust in Truth works; and your trust (rooted in the good soil of receptivity) will grow even stronger. Those with little or no trust in the Truth receive personal evidence of what is in their hearts and minds: fear, lack, worry, and so forth. They’ll experience more reasons not to trust—until they renew their thoughts based in Truth, that is, plant a better seed in better soil.

This doesn’t mean the person who trusts never has “trials and tribulations,” it means they don’t have the same after-the-fact thoughts a person who doesn’t trust or trusts little has. It’s like the quote Shakespeare wrote in Julius Caesar that’s been revised to something like, “A coward dies a thousand deaths, a courageous man but one.” Those who are rooted in trust may have an initial shock when something happens, and react to it; but that person then turns to trust in Truth to remain strong, while they trust the purpose and outcome, as well, despite temporary appearances.

Those with little or no trust at their roots “die many deaths,” because of the numerous “why me” conversations and negative “possibilities” they envision, along with the great number of negative, fearful comments they make to themselves and others.

Please understand that there is a difference between an initial, understandable emotional reaction to something that happens that may even require healing time vs. choosing to wallow in emotions that make our reaction to a situation worse—through our thoughts about it—when we can choose to follow a path that helps us learn something about ourselves then rise above what happened and move forward.

One prominent example of shaky or thorny “seeding” is through The Great Detractor—the seed of money fears planted in us. We, indeed, cannot serve two masters: Spiritual expansion through trust in Truth and money fears; though, it’s the same for any fear we carry in our thoughts such as self-worth, among others. The twist to this is that if you chase money or allow it to be a demanding master and you its slave, especially with fear and worry attached to that pursuit, money AND spiritual expansion will elude you.

I use spiritual expansion here, but really it’s about the thought seed. Someone not especially spiritual or spiritual at all may have a healthy thought seed about money, so never experiences money as a real issue or doesn’t experience a temporary money issue the same way someone with a fearful money seed does. It’s the same for self-worth, self-confidence, and so on. Their personal truth is different, so their experiences and results are, as well.

This is a lot of chat about Truth. What is it? You know it when you feel it. It’s consistent. It lets you find serenity, even in a storm, because it’s shown you before that you can trust it, that you can always trust it. It lifts you out of ego and into greater awareness about a particular matter. Discovery of the Truth is the most personal journey you’ll ever take; and clues have been left for you over thousands of years. Even if you study with a master, no one can make this journey for you.

The greatest challenge of enlightenment may very well be the foundation of trust in the Truth—the strength of the root structure that takes hold in the “soil” of your self—that supports everything that comes after you plant the seed. I still experience trust lapses at times; but as soon as I remember what I know, what I’ve learned, and return to trust, how I experience a situation that arises shifts. It took a while for me to realize my inner shift was even more important than any outer one.

One way to put this into practice is to recall a time when you did trust, when you replaced fear with trust in Truth, let’s say in the Universe, God, or whatever word you use. Recall how letting go of all the negative mind chatter that served only to stir up negative emotions, left you feeling more at one with yourself instead of fragmented. Hold that feeling. Step into it. Memorize it and call it up when you need to. If you say this has never been your experience, you may choose to consider if you’d like it to be.

It’s easy, and understandable, to think a method is “the thing” when it comes to not only getting desired results, but also in how we feel about ourselves and life overall. And our pursuit of numerous methods is like planting many seeds and hoping for better results than the others we’ve planted. But, until we plant the seed that produces the fruit we desire, and plant it in receptive soil that we consistently nurture, we’ll continue to try to figure out how to get apples from a pear tree or why our apple tree won’t grow in the desert.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer is a Life Coach, Author, and provider of Love Who You Really Are, Go for What You Really Want—an 8-week life-changing online coaching course that lets the real you come out and play (you know you want to!), and publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter that blends practical & spiritual approaches to enhance personal power and self-realization through articles, and free downloads, when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Do You Know Where Your Manifestation and Energy Leaks Are?

2011-11-18T10:58:00.001-08:00

You put real effort into improving areas of your life; yet, desired improvements don’t happen as quickly as you’d like or not at all. Could it be that there are one or more leaks you aren’t aware of?

A family member moved her travel trailer from the desert, where it seldom rains, to a location that gets more rainfall. That’s how she discovered a few leaks in her trailer she didn’t know about. My comment to her was, “Nothing like rain to show you where your leaks are.” That’s how life works, as well. It’s not always about an isolated leak big enough to get our attention, it’s sometimes about the ones we don’t “see” for what they are or that we’re so used to that we ignore them, but do see or feel their effects.

Here’s the biggest leak I believe most of us have in common:

In our subconscious mind—and even partially in our conscious mind, we believe our reality is “supposed” to be a certain way. And, that’s exactly how it is. Really think about what this means. What do you actually believe… you know… those thoughts of yours that are prevalent no matter what else you tell yourself? Do you wake every morning and think most of the same thoughts throughout the day, as you did the days before? This is like painting the same landscape on a new canvas almost exactly the same way every day—then wondering why the scene stays the same or when it will ever change.

You—and you’re in good company—likely visualize (think about) what you don’t want or don’t like, with lots of emotion involved… and you get more of what you don’t want or don’t like every day, in some measure. It’s like a dog chasing its tail and griping about the view it believes it “has” or is “forced” to look at.

I’m not religious, but I appreciate the first line of Psalm 96: “Sing to the Lord a new song” (and to yourself and others)—not the same old song you’ve been “singing” every day. Become aware that you amplify any problems or challenges with your perspective about them, which affects your attitude, which affects your words and actions, which determine how you travel through your day and life. Going back to the painting analogy, keep in mind that how you’ll change the scene on the canvas happens first as what you envision in your mind then decide on then follow through on.

In a moment, I’ll give you an effective way to mend energy and manifestation leaks so you start changing the landscape of your life, but first...

Since the holidays are upon us, let’s look at a possible leak-mending “opportunity” that often results in stress: family gatherings. What I’m about to share may help you ease up on yourself and others during such times. I’ve seen several attributes for the following comment, though I first heard it attributed to Ram Das. This comment is brilliant and on target: “If you want to know how enlightened you are, spend a week with your family.” I offer this to encourage you to, hopefully, chuckle at a “common” condition. If you notice any stress during gatherings, just thinking of this statement may lighten your energy. Also, keep in mind that energy flows in both directions: if you find it stressful to be around certain people and their attitudes, you can bet they find it stressful to be around you and your attitude.

The “rain” in our life can be anyone, not just immediate family members, or events… it’s anyone and anything that triggers us, including ourselves with our thoughts. When we’re triggered, we tend to get annoyed at whoever or whatever triggered us, the Universe, and ourselves for “still” being able to be triggered no matter how long we’ve been working on our personal enlightenment. One reason we get triggered about some of the same things repeatedly is because we rely on our thoughts and beliefs to inform and guide us instead of what we KNOW, “know” meaning the Deeper Spiritual Wisdom we’ve gained by paying attention differently. The less you realize you KNOW indicates that you could pay more attention in a deeper way.

As promised, here’s a way to begin to paint your landscape differently, as well as mend leaks you know about, or show up, or before they happen. It’s ancient, proven, and powerful. You can use it during meditation, while you shower, while you drive, or anytime during the day or night.

Think of one or more empowering statements, something that’s a sincere intention for your day or your life. Here are a few I suggest:
●I am always in the right place, at the right time, with the right people, and with the right action.
●I am attuned to my intuition and follow it effortlessly.
●I always have plenty of money to do everything I want and need to do.
●I have all the energy and enthusiasm I need to accomplish whatever I need and choose to today.
●Something about my experience with (fill in the blank) shifts in a positive way today.
●Something wonderful happens in my life today, and everyday.
●Today, I feel deeper appreciation for what I DO have and know that even more waits for me to receive it.
●Today, I allow myself to receive my Good, which comes in many forms and from any of the Universe’s infinite resources.

It’s best if you say your statements aloud and alone, but you can do this in your mind if you’re with others. The process is as follows: Make one of your statements. Then make the “Ah” sound—aloud and sustained (and strong, not wimpy), until you run out of breath. Think about your statement as you make the sound—feel the positive effects of your statement on you and your life. Do this twice for each statement, the first time aloud, the second time to yourself, one statement at a time. As you do this practice, you allow that what you state will or “could” happen or improve in the way or ways you desire, or even better.

Maybe you’ve learned effective methods like the one I provide here. And, maybe you used them for a while then stopped. Have you ever wondered why you do that?

We want different results, but expect them to come from our habituated behaviors—because those behaviors are routine to us—we don’t have to consciously think about whether they create desired results or not. It’s okay if you prefer to “do life” as it shows up for you. You only need to concern yourself with inner and outer shifts if you are discontent. But, if you do want a new (improved) you or experience of life, you have to be aware of, not dwell on, the “old” aspects that no longer serve you, you have to hold a vision of the new version—and most importantly, you have to RENEW the new ways every day—meaning put into practice each day, your improved thoughts, feelings, intentions, and ways you speak and act.

You will continue to find new leaks in your energy and manifestation process because that’s how the human process goes. You can mend new and long-standing leaks so that you don’t experience them again—or ever again experience them the same way as you have been. I’m not saying this is necessarily easy, just doable.

The question is: Will you put this or any other effective method into daily practice? “Life is easy when you do it the hard way and hard when you do it the easy way.” To me this quote means we can be consistent with our proven personal empowerment methods and let life feel and be more effortless, or we can take the “easy” way of not putting effective methods into consistent practice and deal with the results, which is usually life feeling and being difficult, frustrating, or a struggle. Which leaks will you notice and mend this week?

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer is a Life Coach, Author, and provider of Love Who You Really Are, Go for What You Really Want—an 8-week life-changing online coaching course that lets the real you come out and play (you know you want to!), and publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter that blends practical & spiritual approaches to enhance personal power and self-realization through articles, and free downloads, when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Are You in Drive or Reverse?

2011-11-11T10:44:00.001-08:00

Are you traveling through life or are you on a journey? Are you looking forward or at the past? Your answers reveal a lot about the direction you’re going in and what kind of experiences you’ll have.

Maybe you can relate… It was a major life change for me to move from New York City to my hometown in the deep South, for reasons you might imagine and others you might not. I was on board with it, though: My father had died and my elderly, legally-blind mother who has health issues had friends here, but no family. The decision to move and the moving process was quick and intense, and kept me so focused that I had little time to consider all of my feelings. I was fully committed to the move, so didn’t look back… until I was in my new location. And then I found my focus was more on the rearview mirror of my life than the windshield.

That can happen with any minor, but especially major life shift. In the presence of the unknown and as yet undefined present that contributes to the future, the past offers the comfort of the familiar, even if it contains painful times, as all pasts do. This moment in time can cause us to feel we have a foot in both the past and present, and to forget that our lives are a journey. We may find we move, instead, as travelers who feel pressured by tasks and schedules, as well as real and self-imposed needs for speed. We may feel rushed to get settled, and momentum going in the new life, with more tension than enjoyment or enthusiasm.

We’re told the Universe loves speed; but I think a disclaimer should be added: When the Universe sends us an inspired idea or an opportunity that’s appropriate for us or is one we requested, we are to respond immediately. It doesn’t mean we are required to speed through every moment of life in order to get a nod of approval from the Universe, which will then provide what we need and desire, because we’ve proven ourselves as willing perpetual-motion machines. In fact, that approach can block our energy because we aren’t in flowing give-and-receive mode, we’re in ‘gotta do” mode.

Here’s something relevant Old Bill said to A.J.: “When people are just travelin, they start out with the notion they’re gonna end up someplace by a certain time. They get together what they think they’ll need and head out…. they’re on a schedule. If a detour comes up on the highway or there’s a traffic jam, they get upset. A person on a journey prepares the basics as well, but doesn’t have a schedule–not as such. That person is willin, if not enthusiastic, about enjoyin every second. Might create detours just to see what’s there. Maybe pulls over to watch a sunrise or sunset. Might get out in a rain shower to feel the cool drops on their skin–taste the rain. That kind of person will stop along the way just to talk to people, have a new experience. You can tell a lot about how a person moves through life by how they travel.”

Whenever you have a major life change—or are in need of one, you know that whether you’re prepared for the change or not, you’ve got a lot of feelings going on; and maybe you have time to process them or you don’t, though, eventually they’ll demand some of your time. Even if the change is positive, there’s a level of mourning involved—for the positive aspects that no longer exist and for the comfort the familiar once provided. If we allow ourselves to go overboard with this or to linger in this type of thinking too long, we find ourselves in Reverse instead of in Drive, no matter what we may do to move forward.

An automatic part of any change is setting-up and adjustment time—in a new job or career, relationship—with a new partner or child—or now alone, a new home, or geographic location; and sometimes some or all of these happen at once. This time is more often akin to traveling rather than being on a journey. There’s so much to think about and take care of that demands your attention, all while your feelings and emotions are adjusting, as well. You may find yourself “stopping to smell the roses,” but as memories of the ones you left behind by choice, or not, rather than the “roses” on your new path. If a change is sudden and unexpected, the last thing you may want to do for a while is contemplate what the changes mean in a positive way for you and your life. But, at some point, you must. It’s the only way to find and plant seeds of happiness and fulfillment.

We can understand this type of response is common for many, and we can decide to honor our feelings then invite the potential and possibilities ahead of us into our state of mind and being and lives. That is what life is about, after all. And this may happen for you gradually or in a flurry. Neither way is wrong or right. It’s always best to know yourself, and it’s a good idea to nudge yourself if you stay still or look in the rearview mirror too long.

I invite you to pause and consider, as I did, in which direction your attention is focused, and if your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions behave as supportive fuel to get you where you desire to BE next. Are you traveling with rigid rules so you stay on your or someone else’s schedule, or are you on a journey with adventures and slow times, two-lane detours and major highways, rock and rose gardens? Do you take time to notice and smell the roses, or perhaps to seek out rose gardens—or plant your own? Which practice feels more like the one you truly desire?

[Content in quotation marks excerpted from I Don’t Want to Be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say.]

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer is a Life Coach, Author, and provider of Love Who You Really Are, Go for What You Really Want—an 8-week life-changing online coaching course that lets the real you come out and play (you know you want to!), and publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter that blends practical & spiritual approaches to enhance personal power and self-realization through articles, and free downloads, when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Do You Struggle with Feeling Authentic?

2011-11-04T10:25:00.001-07:00

Do you carry the feeling of not being your authentic self or living authentically, and a fear of doing so? If your answer is yes, here are two significant causes for this you need to be aware of.

What I consider the first cause—a genuinely significant one—is that we, for the most part have been socially “disconnected” from our whole-mind self that requires our intuitive skills be included in any thoughtful, creative mental processing. Developing and using this aspect of who we really are will assist us out of the negative effects of the other cause, which I mention in a moment, and into living as our authentic selves.

Years back, Dr. Roger Sperry conducted a surgical experiment that disconnected the logical part of the mind from the intuitive part. The result was telling: Without the intuitive abilities, the logical mind is unable to discern true from not true. This is a primary reason to keep in mind that genuine intuition never lies to us or steers us wrong.

The brain is a computer, and like a computer is programmable. Our initial and most prominent programs originated outside of us: they came from others who conveyed to us what is to be judged good or bad about ourselves, others, events, and life. We continue this pattern when we don’t turn to our intuition for more information.

The fact that a bigger picture beyond isolated incidents always exists is seldom included in our early childhood programming; nor is the fact that we have a whole mind, not just a logical mind, nurtured and developed. Society demonstrates a higher value is placed on logic than on intuition, as though we only have one and not the other, or should. Even if we believe or know differently, and even after evidence of what a whole-mind approach can create, we still generally fear expanding this, much less owning it as a fact of our human nature and design.

This means we struggle more often than not, even with matters that could be simpler to resolve, because we rely on logic that says matters are “black and white” or “good or bad”—defined as such for us first by others; and this results in our accepting untruths from others about ourselves and life. We accept these untruths with no further exploration such as using a “What else might it be” approach, often because non-acceptance of certain untruths—or questioning what we were told—resulted in some form of penalty. We adopt and adapt in hopes of being awarded acceptance.

Because high value is place primarily on logical thinking and behaving, we remain mostly disconnected from our authentic whole-mind selves. We know something is missing, but we look in the wrong direction to find and improve this.

This misdirection causes us to put more focus onto perceived weaknesses rather than genuine strengths—our own, as well as others’. And this leads to the other cause of feeling inauthentic: Living defensively. Defensive behaviors are a result of low self-esteem caused by feeling unable or uninformed about how to self-determine our worth or value separate from what others expect of us or “should” on us. We’ve been programmed, and have bought into the belief that we must meet others’ expectations in order to be assigned personal worth or value—by them, which is untrue. So, instead of exploring and discovering who we are and using our whole mind to do this, we spend our lives trying to please others, or at least, to not draw negative attention to us.

No one wants to feel embarrassed, humiliated, or considered a failure; and in our attempt to avoid this, we live defensively—sometimes in the extreme. But we have to realize that defensive living is motivation, energy, and life purpose in reverse. There’s a high cost paid when we practice defensive living. Here are several costs, though you maybe could list more.

Cost 1: Fear of embarrassment or humiliation impedes our ability to hear constructive feedback; and some either go ballistic or wither if any kind of criticism is given, including constructive. This fear hampers our ability to productively resolve issues and conflicts that come our way.

Cost 2: It’s exhausting to try to keep our weaknesses hidden from others. We put so much energy into this that we sacrifice a great deal of our creative, productive energy that leads to desired experiences and results.

Cost 3: Belief that we have to fix what’s “wrong” with us or with others or with our life locks the “this is broken” pattern into place, and we experience feeling we and life are perpetually broken, and possibly beyond transformation, instead of focusing on what and how and the truth that improvements can happen.

Cost 4: Defensiveness creates a negative, limiting magnetic field around us and “more of the same” comes our way, even if “new” issues are variations on a very old theme. We imagine defensive living will shield us from what we fear, but it just leads to what’s often called self-fulfilling prophecy (“That’s exactly what I was afraid or knew would happen!”).

Cost 5: It’s exhausting to try to identify and rid ourselves of what we believe are our every weakness; plus, we often find our “list” of top weaknesses may have the same items as 5, 10, or more years ago—we feel unable to break the pattern. This is because our time and energy are almost solely focused on perceived weaknesses, rather than on using strengths and building upon strengths.

Cost 6: It impedes our ability to accept responsibility for ourselves and our lives—we’re terrified to make a mistake. Or if we make a mistake, we behave as though the worst has happened—because that’s how we feel, and sometimes were made to feel. We disregard the fact that everyone makes mistakes, that mistakes can truly be used as opportunities to learn and improve, not as reasons to be punished or self-punished.

Living defensively isn’t living. Defensive living based on what’s been described here is depleting. If you focus on your strengths—using them and building upon them—you’ll find you engage your creative, inspired, intuitive aspects. This is energizing. Recall a time you were in your creative groove. No energy depletion there! This is why problem-solving based in intuitive, creative whole-mind processing gives you energy for more and for better. Intuition is able to give you inspired information that your logical mind can then take action on. This is our natural design and how we can perform at our best.

What might happen if you put into practice the application of your strengths, intuition, and creativity towards whatever may need a solution or resolution? You’d listen to and follow your inner compass instead of taking detours and misdirection prescribed by others. What’s more authentic than that?!

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer, Life Coach, Author, and provider of Love Who You Really Are, Go for What You Really Want—an 8-week life-changing online coaching course that lets the real you come out and play (you know you want to!), and publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter that blends practical & spiritual approaches to enhance personal power and self-realization through articles, and free downloads, when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

One Reason Your Nagging Issue Seems Hardest to Resolve

2011-11-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

This particular reason keeps the same problem or problems around far longer than you ever imagined they would be. It’s also what contributes to your feeling stressed, exhausted, frustrated, and why little to no lasting progress is made, no matter what you do.

Think of one issue you’ve been personally struggling with for a while, say, five years or longer. It might be money, weight, health, business or career, or something else (more about what the real issues may be in a moment).

Here are three approaches you might have chosen regarding your issue, maybe even all three over time, depending on your frustration levels. I ask you to suspend any judgment you might impose on yourself or others as you read them.

1. You sincerely want to improve this issue and have tried one or more (or many) systems, invested a lot of yourself into more information and numerous attempts, but the issue just isn’t shifting in your favor; or, any shifts you do make don’t last, much less expand into more of what you desire.
2. You make halfhearted efforts at improvements.
3. You make no effort beyond complaining to yourself and others.

Whichever approach listed here has been the one you’ve taken—or all three, the reason, which I’m about to share with you, contributes significantly to why the first approach doesn’t lead to desired results, as well as why you might choose the second or third approach. The reason has two parts.

Part 1

Let’s say you sincerely desire to improve your issue or situation, so you begin to focus on this, maybe make some headway, then find yourself pushed or slammed backwards… the old one-step-forward, two-steps-back pattern. What’s happening?

When some desired shift of an issue doesn’t happen despite our efforts, there are many considerations we could make that include alignment with right purpose, right location, right this, right that… all significant aspects that deserve genuine consideration. For our purposes here, I ask you to focus on any issue you know CAN be different, but none of your efforts lead to what you ultimately desire, or you find your ability to act on your behalf is hampered at the inner level, which of course hampers your outer-level actions and results.

Let’s use a specific example. Say you’ve recently (or for longer) been feeling and telling yourself that you’re a failure, in some measure. Question: Do your behaviors (thoughts, feelings, words, and actions) match the idea in your mind of what someone who is a failure thinks, feels, says, and does? Now, substitute “failure” with any word that best fits what your primary struggle currently is or continues to be and consider the question again, and keep it in mind as you continue to read.

If you’ve long perceived yourself as a failure (or whatever), your behaviors will support how a person who’s a failure “should” behave. Notice I didn’t use “would” behave, I deliberately used “should.” There is no rulebook for this, just best guesses and what you’ve been conditioned to believe. Your analytical left brain is programmable and has programs running about what failure should mean to you, how you should behave according to your program, and what should happen if you try to abandon the program that’s running.

If you decide to shift from “failure me” to “successful me,” and you begin to behave in ways that don’t match how you believe a person who’s a failure should behave (thoughts, feelings, words, actions), the part of your mind responsible for monitoring program settings, still set on “failure,” will attempt, and succeed, to get you to return to behaviors that support what you believe a person who’s a failure behaves like.

Part 2

You can see how that program creates a vicious vortex. This vortex spins even faster when you attempt to follow a path supported with a thought like “I’m not a failure.” This is because the word “not” is ignored (it’s the same for the word don’t). Go to your Internet browser and type in “Recipes Not Italian” or “Don’t give me Italian Recipes.” Which recipes will come up first and for quite a while? Italian, of course, because the computer ignores the word “not,” just as your brain ignores it, and just as the very literal quantum fulfillment field ignores it, too; and all three “computers” strive to fulfill the other words included in your request.

This means that when you attempt to shift from perceiving yourself as a failure by trying to perceive yourself as (not) a failure, this runs a double-negative through your brain. This is why nothing or little changes and why you feel stressed and exhausted. It’s like trying to run up a down escalator that adjusts its opposing speed when you do.

How many of these double-negatives are running in your life right now? If you want to identify them, just look at any area you’re struggling with, especially if you’ve been struggling with it, or them, for a while. However, I ask you to look at what really may be going on. If your answer is money, the underlying stressor cause may be an issue of self-worth, self-value, or self-identity. If it’s weight, the underlying stressor cause may be self-image or self-acceptance. If it’s taking action, the underlying stressor cause may be a deep fear of criticism which keeps your self-critic active. Find your word and ask what the underlying stressor cause may actually be.

Fortunately, your intuitive big-picture right side of the brain is trainable, rather than programmable, and can be retrained. Here’s a way to do this that also leads to a realistic resolution for your lingering issue. Using “failure you” as an example again, swap it with “successful you.” What do you believe, perceive, or imagine that you, as a successful individual—according to your ideal image of this, not that of anyone else—would think, feel, say (to yourself and to others), and do action-taking-wise? (Notice I didn’t ask what “successful you” would have, but who you would be.) Make a list for each category, such as: How Successful Me Knows to Think, etc. Instead of judging which items on your list you haven’t done or don’t do consistently, pick one or two a week and integrate them as a way of being successful you. These are actually strengths you already possess that just need to be built up and upon.

“The law of floatation was not discovered by contemplating the sinking of things,” Thomas Troward said. Any person who achieves or accomplishes desired improvements, goals, or dreams says, thinks, feels, plans and takes action differently than someone who consistently doesn’t achieve desired results. Perhaps it’s time to consider what you’ve been putting into practice and start putting something positive into practice instead.

You may want to rush toward desired outcomes to ease painful emotions, especially if you’ve been struggling, but start by putting your attention on the inner practice described here, which will extend itself naturally into your life and create a strong foundation for desired results to be more effortless to accomplish.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer, Life Coach, Author, and provider of Love Who You Really Are, Go for What You Really Want—an 8-week life-changing online coaching course that lets the real you come out and play (you know you want to!), and publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter that blends practical & spiritual approaches to enhance personal power and self-realization through articles, and free downloads, when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

What Personal Power Really Is

2011-10-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

What does personal power mean to you? It’s something we all want more of, so maybe if we’re sure what it is, we’ll know where to go from there.

Personal Power can mean many things to us. Maybe you think it means better use of Law of Attraction, more money flowing more consistently in your direction, influence, self-confidence, and so forth; and, possibly, all of these and more. Whatever it means to you, what personal power really is, is as much a result as it is a means to desired results.

Here’s a nifty way to understand what personal power really is: Personal Power equals Effectiveness. And, we can do things that either expand or deplete how effective we are. I give you a few significant examples of each of these ways in a moment.

Something you may find helpful to keep in mind is that you can shift your focus from increasing your personal power to increasing your effectiveness. This applies to whatever personal power means to you. This perspective puts a different slant on how to expand your power; maybe this even makes it feel easier, doable, and less ambiguous. This pathway opens you to inspired ideas, and to pay attention to what works and creates improvements, rather than on what you judge as broken or on what you perceive as wrong with you.

Let’s look at ways you may deplete your effectiveness:

*Time, Energy, or Money is put towards something your heart really isn’t into.
*Make choices that are not in your best interest or are not appropriate for you.
*Thoughts, self-talk, and actions aren’t focused on desired results.
*Add steps that are not really needed to get desired results.
*Allow time-draining tasks then get used to engaging in time-draining activities.
*Focus is placed on too many goals or improvements at once, which results in being scattered or overwhelmed.
*Make disempowering choices, which makes making disempowering choices easier and easier, even if the results are undesired.
*Have a to-do list without priorities, direction, or purpose.
*Give time, energy, or money to anything that doesn’t provide a return in some measure, whether that’s of a spiritual, emotional, or tangible nature. This includes foods and beverages, people, volunteer work, studies, activities, etc.

Let’s look at ways you can enhance your effectiveness:

*Put time, energy, and money into what feels worthy to you and that your heart is into.
*Trust that consistent small improvements, rather than massive action, are more effective and lasting; understanding that the very thought of massive action may cause you to never get organized, much less get started.
*Plan and take some effective action every day.
*Recognize that although learning is an action and is effective, real effectiveness happens when you put what you learn into practice, and modify as needed.
*Exchange what slows or holds off desired results for what creates or moves toward desired results.

Although Personal Power can take many forms, three elements support it: time, energy, and money. When you deplete one, you deplete the other two. When you enhance one, you enhance the other two.

You have all the personal power you need. It’s a matter of directing it better and deliberately. Here’s how you can put this into practice: Pick an area of your life that you want to improve. Use the depleting and enhancing information offered here as a guide for one week. Look at ways you know are effective in a positive, productive way and use them. Try new ways on and see how they work, with no concept of failure involved, just research, testing, and assessment of results. Maybe pick one of the three elements to focus on: better time-usage choices, better choices that support your energy, or better money choices. Keep notes about how your actions on one element affect the other two. Notice how the three elements work as a team.

If you’re ready to increase your effectiveness, start at the inner level, especially with deliberately supportive self-talk and thinking; it will ripple outward into your life in ways you appreciate. Put improved effectiveness into practice, and enjoy feeling more personally powerful in your life.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Belief, Faith, Knowing: What’s the Difference?

2011-10-19T14:34:00.001-07:00

Others and I have used the words belief, faith, and knowing interchangeably, but I’ve realized there’s a difference. It’s important to use the right word to arrive at the desired state of mind.

Mark Twain said, “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” In my experience, Knowing is fed by Faith, and Faith is fed by Belief. This means Belief is the first “rung” on that particular ladder. And that means you get to Knowing through the ability to believe in a particular way—and putting it into practice.

BELIEF

Desired Belief—the ability to believe something positive and in our favor—is tricky for many people. We’re so practiced with doubt and worry, that landing on Belief can be challenging. Belief has its own ladder; and this is why you have to be honest about which rung you can comfortably put your foot on, in order to climb it. Say you’ve struggled with weight for years. You may say you’re going to lose 50 pounds and keep it off, but not really believe it. However, you may be able to say and believe that you know how to lose two pounds a week and that you will do what it takes to make that improvement each week until you reach your desired weight, and maintain it.

A quick way to get into a Belief state is to feel, as a possibility, “Why not?!” Why not allow that your desired outcome could happen? It takes as much energy to believe it can’t or won’t happen as it does to believe it could; but could feels better and opens you to a greater chance of fulfillment. Here’s how a typical mental conversation might go: “It could happen, so why not?! Well, maybe I don’t deserve it.” Consider people who have what you might desire and whose deserve-quotient you might question. Does “deserve” really fit? No, it doesn’t. Deserve is an imposed perception, not a rule; and what you believe about what you deserve opens or blocks receiving. The creative energy doesn’t judge whether you deserve, it supplies what you believe.

Belief happens through repetition—positive or negative—mental, verbal, or repetitive actions. This is why we can fool ourselves and stay with the surface appearance rather than go deeper, where Universal Truth is found: We are what we think. Fortunately, we can decide to choose what we think; though, we may choose to ignore this truth and its inherent potential to influence life in our favor. We can also choose to improve what needs improvement at the outer level, which builds self-belief. “I believe I could improve this” is a good “lower rung” if “I will improve this” feels out of reach initially.

Belief that what happened in the past Is What Is, affects your power to believe in what’s possible now or in the future. Decide to stop letting the past prevent you from receiving your present and future. Here’s a tip that works: Each night, repeat three times to yourself: “As I sleep, I have one or more dreams that cause me to…” Work on only one desired result at a time; but you can ask to feel happy, confident, inspired, to be attuned to needed resources—whatever you feel would benefit you most at the moment. Keep it simple.

FAITH

When we deliberately practice influencing what and how we believe, and do this in our favor—and make it a point to observe small and large evidences of this working, we build faith that what we believe influences what we receive and how we experience life.

Faith is the absence of doubt; but, how to do you get to that place? You can start with “Why not?!” and call up one or more memories of times you believed something good would happen in your favor—and it did. This deliberate way of thinking connects you with the feeling you had when something worked out, maybe the way you hoped and maybe in a way even better than you imagined—or even if that meant it didn’t work out, and that was in your favor, too. Faith comes from connecting to the feeling when your best interests were met and deciding to trust they’ll be met in your favor again… and again.

KNOWING

Knowing is an intuitive connection to the flow of creative energy. It’s when your desired result or experience is in harmony with the bigger picture—and you feel, with faith, that something wonderful on its way to you. I love these moments. Sometimes they seem to just happen, but most times it’s because I deliberately moved myself through belief and faith memories to stimulate the feeling of knowing that I’m part of—a participant in—something larger, and in partnership with the creative energy that always works in my favor, despite appearances at times. Sometimes I know something specific is on its way, and sometimes I just know something for my good is on its way.

At every present moment, we know only a part of the bigger picture. A state of Knowing feels easier to enter when you allow this as a fact; and because of past experiences, you release every thought or emotion except one: trust. The creative energy loves appreciation and it loves trust that puts you into a state of knowing that the energy works in your behalf at all times.

Just like the weight example in the Belief segment, you may need to start with one matter at a time rather than frustrating yourself by attempting to be in a state of belief, faith, and knowing at all times. Allow yourself to grow each of the three, as needed. This way of thinking—in order to reach these states of mind—is a practice; and those who feel them fully more often practice them more often.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

The Power of a Firm Decision

2011-10-10T08:50:00.000-07:00

Whatever you believe is involved in improvement or success, the power of a decision is key. It will help if you understand what this really means.

A firm decision is one without discord, or one that transmutes any discord that makes an appearance. A firm decision is made and a knowing exists—that, without doubt, what’s been decided will happen, even if you have no idea how, at the start. A knowing, faith, or belief supports firm decisions to become reality. Without a firm decision and belief, all you have is a wish. A firm decision has power, a wish doesn’t. This is because a firm decision has a level of clarity and focus about a desired result, even if aspects are unknown and are discovered and managed along the way.

If you’ve ever found yourself struggling in any area of your life, which is very different from facing and meeting challenges, it’s because a firm decision has not been made. If you think of times when you made a firm decision to do something—anything at all—you did whatever it took for however long it took to get it done, whether that’s de-clutter your closet that took a weekend or complete a course of study that took years.

Everything begins with an idea. The idea to, say, clear out your closet seems to move straight into the action of doing the task. But, there is a middle step: the firm decision. Many firm decisions happen quickly. They are often so subtle you don’t even recognize them as what they are. Firm decisions move you from inspired idea to productive action. Reflect on the most recent time this happened for you, even if it was to refill your coffee cup, and you did. Allow yourself to feel what that middle step—firm decision—felt like for you, so you become familiar with it.

I watched a brief video about The Reality Architects. They mentioned an elderly woman who, for decades, has won every contest she’s entered. I asked myself what had to be in place, at her inner level, for this to be her reality. My answer was a firm decision with no discord. Discord is a contrast that points out one or more doubts exist. How many buy lottery tickets or enter contests with some discord whispering doubt in their minds, and either silently or aloud state, even before the action is taken, “I knew I wouldn’t win”? How many times do we make what we believe is a firm decision, yet have in our minds some doubt that we’ll succeed, instead of a steadfast commitment to do so?

The discord aspect needs our attention, doesn’t it? You’ve made firm decisions before, without discord; and you’ve experienced desired results. Discord does not mean a firm decision wasn’t made. It does show us bumps and potholes on the inner road that we need to smooth out. Inner discord can be lack of confidence, which can be assisted by increasing competence. It can be flawed self-beliefs about what you deserve, or what you should want or should not want in life. These flawed beliefs may have been given to you by your family, friends, religion, culture, and from anyone who has intersected with your life since you were born.

When results seem to take a long time to arrive—and we aren’t witnessing real progress along the way that demonstrates we are moving in the right direction—it’s a good time to check in on the firmness of the original decision. This is where the feeling that goes with a firm decision comes in: if you don’t have that recognizable “knowing” or “belief” feeling, you need to revisit your decision, your belief level, or why you made the decision you did.

A firm decision is fueled by determination, even when challenges appear. Napoleon Hill, in his book Think and Grow Rich, uses the words—Definite Burning Desire. If you think about it, whether it’s to finally straighten a cluttered closet because the clutter has you exasperated or to pursue a certification or degree so you can practice something you feel passionate about, a definite, determined desire is there.

But, how many times, while growing up, did one or more people constructively instruct you about having a definite burning desire, what that might encompass, and what the rewards might be for acting on it? More than likely you were instructed to do what it took to fit into the mainstream, maybe even to be seen and not heard. If this has been your experience, it may have caused you to create to-do lists, but not Definite Burning Desires lists.

You may have heard “Name it and claim it,” but you may fear what others will think if you name and claim your definite burning desire, whether they’re still alive or not. You may even fear naming it, much less claiming it. The very idea may cause statements from the past to rush to mind like a storm wave onto the shore: Who do you think you are? What makes you think you’re so special? If you can’t do something right (perfectly the first time), don’t do it at all. Don’t risk it; go with a sure thing. That’s just stupid; no one will pay you for that! Why do you have to be different? What will people think? I’m sure you could add more statements you’ve heard from any number of people who didn’t know better than to repeat what they’d been told.

Sometimes, you make a firm decision, yet also find how you feel strengthens in firmness over time instead of feeling the “wallop of knowing” from the start you have at other times, like moving a dimmer light switch upward, gradually increasing the illumination. When this is your experience, you notice a shift in how you think about what you want and how determined you feel. You notice any discord that surfaces, but choose to focus more on what will work rather than what might not or hasn’t. Clarity about focused actions gradually sharpens as clarity about your desired result begins to take form. You seek more-specific information. You find that ideas about how to make your decision a reality increase in frequency—and in quality. You even begin to notice assistance coming to you from the universe, or whatever you call the creative source, through a variety of resources. You notice an increase in focused attention and a decrease in fretting.

A firm decision, even one that firms over time, is the “green light” to the creative source and to your own inner power source, to support you fully. A desired outcome realized is the result of a firm decision fueled by belief and unflinching determination. Could you benefit by putting this into practice more often… or right now?

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Is There A Special Trick for Law of Attraction?

2011-10-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

Surely there is one technique that, if you knew it, would make Law of Attraction work every time. Do you believe that?

An ad for a Law of Attraction system arrived in my inbox and got my attention with its promise: a way to make LOA work every time. That promise gave me pause and prompted me to mull over my thoughts and experiences.

The school of thought is that LOA is always working. I accept this, particularly because I liken it to the hidden life force that operates our bodily systems like heartbeat, breathing, brainwaves, digestion, and so on. We don’t have to consciously manage these things; something else does this for us—in our best interest—so we can focus on other matters of living. And, if we decide to get involved with how our body functions, we can be deliberate about using our brain power, diet, exercise, meditation, how much sleep we get, and more.

So, the first thing I want to consider about the ad’s promise is Best Interest. To say you can make LOA work every time prompts several questions in my mind:
Will everything you request be in your best interest so that your soul aspect/expanded self has zero argument with the request?
Or, will you need to have a soul agreement in place that everything requested is to be considered in your best interest as a designated experience—no holds barred.
The ad’s promise must mean LOA will work every time you use it deliberately, and that you will be consistently, consciously deliberate. Otherwise, if we allow that LOA is at work all the time, we’d have to watch that we have absolute control over inner and outer conscious and subconscious feelings, thoughts, and words—which means no “oopsies” ever happen, as can take place when we’re angered or fearful, and negativity-attracting thoughts run amok.

I believe our LOA experiences are tailored to our unique selves and experiences to help us gain conscious awareness, especially about our interconnectedness with all in existence and with the conscious, intelligent creative energy—not just to get something we want or need. We do want to be able to be deliberate about it at times (like eating a certain way to improve digestion, etc.), which is why I suggest looking at your own experiences of LOA in your life, whether or not you choose to use a system.

It’s my opinion that Law of Attraction isn’t as much a technique as it is a label used for the result of a State of Being, which I’ll explain. And, that state isn’t lived in 24/7 (it would be tedious to consciously operate your bodily systems along with every other part of your life 24/7). But, it is a state we find happens naturally at times—without deliberate thought to be in that state—and at other times deliberately, when we apply conscious awareness and thought about something specific. The rest of the time, we do day-to-day life—having the experience of being a human with simplicities and complexities, challenges and wins, voids and fulfillment, frustration and accomplishment.

When LOA has been natural for me, what happened was I had a thought that was actually a decision more than a desire—with no discord attached to it. No massive amount of description and planning was engaged. In fact, it was more a general idea, concept, or image that came to mind for a very brief moment. No attachment to attainment was present because, as I said, it was decided on—a done deal, before its arrival—more than it was felt as a desire. I love these moments, but for me they just happen, with no conscious intrusion or influence on my part.

No energy of fear or need is attached to these natural moments either; and neither do I attempt to amp up faith or the absence of doubt—I’m just “one” with the decision. No time limit or “by this date” is involved. Arrival into my life of what is a decided desire has varied from minutes to years—however long it takes for the timing to be right for me—in my best interest.

And, the word “want” is used. It’s been said that the word “want” should be avoided because LOA will then work to keep you in a state of wanting. That hasn’t been my experience, because I’ve found it’s the energy supporting the word that influences what happens. When I said, “I want a lamp for that corner,” the word was imbued with the energy of a decision with no discord (the perfect lamp was found less than two hours later in the basement of my apartment building—and it was free to take).

When I’ve said “I want…,” and the energy was fear-based need, I had a very different experience. I think the need for deliberate times come my way to help me learn to apply what I described in my “natural” paragraph above, to matters that have sticky or entrenched fearful energy attached. The deliberate ones make me pay attention differently so I can figure out how to be in a natural state of being about something that’s held me in its grip in a negative or limiting way, which may require more than one “visit”.

I’ve also noticed the “deliberate” moments, when my energy is fear- or need-based, allow me to see that there isn’t one trick to use at these times, but it is a good time to see what works for me at a particular moment. Here are a few ways that work when I’m not feeling as “natural” about LOA as I would like:
Deciding to just let go, which often results in my laughing out loud at how ridiculous it can all seem or become at times, which definitely diffuses the energy so something better can happen—and does!
Taking a time-out from fretting to engage a walk, a good book or movie, or doing anything unrelated to where I’ve been focusing my anxious attention.

Do you see what those two bulleted items have in common? Letting go. It almost seems too easy. Letting go helps me move into a this-or-something-even-better frame of mind, which lets me slide into a more open, relaxed state of being—the LOA Natural State, you might call it—where “magic” happens.

Think back to times when LOA worked for you naturally, deliberately, or not at all. What was going on at the inner level when it worked effortlessly? What did you do or not do? What about when you felt you had to be deliberate (because you sure weren’t feeling “natural”)—what did you do that created results? And, what about when it didn’t work—did you later (even if much later) realize that your best interests were being attended to, perhaps in ways that amazed you (once you got over thoughts like “Why me?” and “I’m such a failure”)?

It amazes me to use this “rearview mirror” on my life to see that where I am in life at a particular moment is where I belong (like it or not, at times), and that if XYZ hadn’t happened, even if emotionally painful, I don’t know how I would have arrived where I belonged with the same cleverness the hidden life force employed. For me, this builds and expands trust in the hidden force that looks out for my best interests and the highest good of all involved, and assists or propels me, when I’m resistant, to my next destinations and life phases.

I don’t see LOA as something that fits into the “One size fits all” category. The one-size-fits-all items never fit the same, look the same, or perform the same—because we’re all different. Play with or try any system that grabs your fancy, but give some thought to what I’ve mentioned here.

The crux of what I ask you to consider is whether or not you’ve attuned to what your personal LOA experiences involve and feel like for you. You tap into true personal power if you grasp what this is for you as an individual and follow it—repeat and perhaps tweak—as needed. And that, my friend, is likely the most significant “trick” of Law of Attraction: you, your conscious awareness, and state of being drive it.

Practice makes progress.
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

An Extraordinary Life

2011-09-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

You’re an extraordinary person!

Choose an extraordinary life - whatever that looks or feels like for you, including how it expands into even more.

Extraordinary or Ordinary Life?

2011-09-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

What kind of life do you choose?

As an expression of the Infinite, you have everything or have access to everything needed to live an extraordinary life.

Choose an extraordinary life… even on days you feel ordinary.

Your attention, please . . .

2011-09-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

You know how to focus your attention; and I know it feels great when you complete action steps that lead to your desired outcomes.

Cheering you on!

Do You Feel You Lack Direction in Life, Business, or Retirement?

2011-09-23T13:34:00.000-07:00

When you feel you lack direction in life, business, or retirement, it’s frustrating. It doesn’t have to be this way, if you have two things clear in your mind.

You feel you lack direction if you don’t have a destination point envisioned in your mind. A destination point, in this context, is a specific desired result—a vision of what that ideal result is. There are several things that hold people back from putting time into their vision for life, business, or retirement:
They’re afraid to look at what they really want because they don’t believe it can happen, or because they fear they don’t deserve it, or they allow others’ opinions to influence them—so they don’t allow clarity about what THEY want.
They feel thwarted at playing with their vision because they let current reality intrude on this playtime. They may glue current reality into place with their present money situation and flawed money beliefs. They forget—or don’t know—that amazing things can happen when you don’t attach limits to a vision.

Let’s say you decide to take quiet time to play with your vision. Here are recommendations:
Be uncensored with yourself.
Be honest about whether you’re aiming at a too small or a too large vision. You want what feels like an appropriate fit for you, not based on the opinions of others.
It may feel more comfortable to play with an Ideal Vision AND a Next Level Vision. This can help you aim for and reach one level at a time on your way to your ideal. Note: What is your Ideal Vision you may have been too afraid to entertain, especially if you believe others may not approve or believe it can happen? I suggest creating two visions because anyone who’s felt or been limited or restricted long-term or for an extended period due to circumstances can feel intimidated (or forced) by a vision that feels too far “out there” at the start; and this feeling can shut them down.
A Vision includes where you live; what you do as a career, vocation, or as a volunteer—where you do it and how many hours; how much vacation and holiday time you take and where you spend it; what your social life is like and who you share it with; what your family life is like and who this includes; hobbies and activities you enjoy and how often; and what your health, appearance, and wardrobe is like. Here’s an important twist: Leave money out of your vision. This goes against what many advise, but leave it out so it doesn’t dam the flow of your playing honestly with your vision. How much money you want and need is a goal, not a vision.
Whether you create just an Ideal Vision or a Next Level Vision, or both, write a description of what a “normal” day is like—what you’d ideally want it to be like.

The other factor in having a Direction is your Why. To get to your Why, you have to know what it relates to. Imagine someone who knows and likes you really well is in a restaurant booth next to yours, with one or a few people. None of them knows you’re there. You overhear your friend say about you, “(Your name) is such an on-purpose person, and his/her purpose s/he lives and breathes to fulfill is (fill in the blank).” What do you REALLY want to hear your friend say your purpose that you feel strongly about right now is? Tip: Let go of aiming for the Big Life Purpose here and allow the purpose that pops into mind at this moment to be the one you focus on.

Follow these next steps:
Write down your purpose as a statement, starting with, “My purpose is to…”
Complete the following statement: “This purpose is important to me to do because…”
“And, THAT is important to me because…”
“And, THAT is important to me because…”
“And, THAT is important to me because…”
“And, THAT is important to me because…”
Blend your purpose statement (My purpose is) with the final “And THAT’s important to me because” statement.

How does this new statement feel when you read it silently or aloud to yourself? If it feels inauthentic, re-do this process and be uncensored with your purpose statement. Your purpose must come from the core of who you are in this present moment or you’ll head in a direction inappropriate for you. Note: You can use this Purpose-and-Why technique for decision-making, as well.

Your Next Level Vision will show you the direction you need to travel to your Ideal Vision and help you get there—and you can adjust either vision any time to make them a better fit for you. Your Purpose-and-Why statement will fuel your journey to your Next Level Vision and Ideal Vision destinations. You may want to put your P&W statement where you can read it every day, preferably each morning and before you go to sleep. Your vision is your ideal result; your why is your ideal experience.

Direction to a vision fueled by your purpose and your why helps you make better decisions about what to put into practice every day, and can help you rev up your motivation if it needs an inspiring reminder.

[This article influenced by PJ McClure’s book, “Flip the S.W.I.T.C.H.”]

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

What is your dream or goal worth to you?

2011-09-21T06:33:00.000-07:00

Today’s Empowering State of Appreciation Message…

What is your dream or goal worth to you?

Anything that has worth to you is worth what it takes to attain and maintain it for as long as it is appropriate to do so.

Joyce Shafer, Publisher
http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Rewire your beliefs about you

How to make better choices

2011-09-19T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today’s Empowering State of Appreciation Message

Use this simple formula to realign your energy about making choices . . .

Ask yourself if a thought, word, action, feeling, person, event, or moment Increases or Decreases your energy and enthusiasm, and respond appropriately.

Joyce Shafer, Publisher
http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Rewire your beliefs about you

Do You Know What the Trinity of Self-Realization and Authenticity Is?

2011-09-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel inauthentic, like you wear a mask over what you believe you know, or fear, about who you really are? The trinity can help you follow the path to your authentic-self destination.

I read Flip the S.W.I.T.C.H. (How to Turn On and Turn Up Your Mindset) by PJ McClure, The Mindset Maven, which he gives away on his website. I don’t want to spoil your experience of reading PJ’s brilliant book by recounting his content, nor is this a review. But, he did get me thinking about what I consider the trinity of self-realization and authenticity: Attitude, Mindset, and Personal Truth.

Attitude

Our attitude reflects what we feel, unless we pretend otherwise. We display and use outward factors to demonstrate attitude: facial expressions, body language, comments and specific words, and perhaps actions. An attitude adjustment isn’t just about the outward expression of it; that doesn’t approach what’s underneath it.

A problem arises when anyone attempts to adjust or improve attitude simply by behaving “better” because the improved behaviors may have nothing to do with how they really feel. We can fake a positive attitude or a neutral one to cover negativity, but the result feels inauthentic because the layer underneath that doesn’t support the surface. An attitude that’s consistent—meaning presents itself more often than not—shows others and us what’s at our foundation. To know the foundation, we have to look deeper.

Mindset

Now I will include something from PJ’s book, but I promise it won’t spoil your read. PJ listed the dictionary definition of mindset as a fixed mental attitude or disposition that predetermines a person’s responses to and interpretations of situations. When I read that, I circled the word “fixed” in my mind, which was backed up soon by PJ stating mindset is definitely not fixed. His definition is that mindset is the programmable subconscious framework, which filters input so the conscious mind can respond.

He stated that mindset is made up of the six Elements of Personal Choice and added one more element that features in each of the other six and in the bigger picture of your life that all seven form the foundation for. Your mindset is, ultimately, what you tell yourself about these elements. Your mindset absolutely affects your attitude and your outcomes. Whenever you struggle with success in any area of life, adjusting your attitude won’t create long-lasting, effective shifts; adjusting your mindset will. But sometimes even mindset needs a little something else.

Personal Truth

Your personal truth is revealed through finding your head-and-heart alignment about anything and everything in your life that asks for your attention in a particular, even profound way. It’s where you use critical thinking to go deeper into dynamics and motivations rather than stay on the surface of thoughts, words, and actions—of others and your own.

Personal truth is where no conflict between head and heart exists about a particular matter; it’s where integrity lives. It’s where you look at values—what’s most important to you, as well as look for any unspoken or unidentified “rules of engagement” you’ve attached to your values. These rules usually appear as something like, “Validation is important to me. In order to feel validated, I need…” This one is worth working deeply enough to reveal whether your fulfillment needs are realistic or unrealistic. If a need has unrealistic rules attached, life—or certain areas of it—may feel severely emotionally painful for you.

The Trinity in Action

Your personal truth supports your mindset, and mindset results in your dominant attitude. Many people linger in the realm of attitude and seldom venture into the other two realms. If you don’t explore your mindset, you may live in a state of attitude fueled by emotions, and may even feel nothing ever gets resolved—and, indeed, little might. You may live the frustrating life of a reactor, or one immobilized, instead of a responder much of time. PJ’s book, worthy of more than one read, explains mindset and more, if exploring your own feels right for you at this time.

Personal truth is the realm where you must shed the influence of others to look at who you are at your core. Mindset is where you look at what you believe and why. Attitude is how you display who you are and what you believe—or what you pretend to believe, or what you think you believe. Without connection to your authentic mindset based on personal truths, you risk living your life based on what you were taught and absorbed from others; this includes negative and positive beliefs. You may have noticed you sometimes have a contrast with both types of beliefs. There’s a reason.

Each of us experiences a negative attitude from time to time—it’s called being human. Stuff happens that doesn’t feel good and happens faster than we can even give a thought to mindset. But when a negative attitude rules, there’s a faulty mindset at work, which is good news because mindset can be explored and improved. And when mindset needs exploration and support, personal truth gets included in the mix.

The trinity of self-realization and authenticity is how we set up our lives to feel good or bad as the main theme of our existence. As much as we might like it to be based on external factors, it isn’t. It’s internal, and our internal trinity influences our external experiences and how we experience externals.

If you’re not used to looking within with much depth and with a genuine desire to “know thyself,” it can feel daunting, even tiring, to do so. But, if you put some level of exploration and discovery into practice each week, you not only get to the heart of matters, but to the true you. You realize who you really are without seeing yourself through the filters of others’ beliefs and opinions; and you begin to feel and be authentically you.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! How to Lose It All and Never Miss A Beat By PJ McClure; The Dreaded Time Buffer By Jeanna Gabellini; Secrets at Dawn By poet Wendi Romero: http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Is It Time to Simplify?

2011-09-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

Could a lesson from Super Nanny apply to you and your personal and professional life? If you feel stressed and overwhelmed… yeah.

The parents Super Nanny Jo Frost went to help were well-meaning—they wanted to give their children the best head start in life. Unfortunately, this meant not only school and homework hours for each child, but LOTS of additional activities to help them be well rounded individuals, as well.

Super Nanny pointed out two things:
Making their children engage so many activities meant the parents’ involvement with their children was minimized. Activities instead of TV were the babysitters. There was a real lack of quality time as a family.
The children were stressed out from being overburdened, which affected their behavior in a negative way.

Super Nanny did something that really drove point 2 home: she made a pile of objects that represented all the extra activities each child was enrolled in. There were books, drums, ballet shoes, sports shoes and equipment, and so on. The parents were instructed to put all the items that matched a child’s activities into each child’s arms. The children were instructed to make every effort to hold everything they were given. The visual effect of the children struggling to hold so much stuff that looked more like clutter than creativity was poignant. Finally, the little girl said, “I can’t keep holding all these!”

Super Nanny’s solution was to have the parents choose one activity they felt very strongly their children should engage and each child was told to pick one activity they really wanted to keep or to pick a new one. And, the parents were instructed on how to better engage as a family.

Your arms might be bigger than the little girl’s, but how would the load look that you may be trying to carry? Is it comfortable, stacked past your chin, straining your arms, falling from your grip? The parents had encumbered their children with extra activities without including choice in the mix. In your life, at least some of what you expect yourself to do is imposed by you and no one else; but you also want to consider who’s put what onto your shoulders and why.

How might this Nanny lesson apply to you?

You’re probably as well-meaning as the parents and really want to give yourself what you “believe” you need (in your opinion or that of others), possibly, whether your soul self really wants it or not.
You may have made yourself so busy that there’s little time for you and other parts of your life to get what’s needed for your personal and soul-self benefit.
You may have so many things to do or believe need to get done, your relationships suffer—the most important one being the relationship you have with yourself. Too much to do is one way many use to avoid looking at what’s out of balance in their life.
You may be so stressed or tired that you’re cranky or worse.
You may struggle to keep everything “in your arms” and fear dropping something or everything, and are possibly concerned with how you might appear to others if you let go of some things that aren’t working for you rather than how letting some go might enhance your life and well being.

Marcus Aurelius said, "Most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’” Super Nanny isn’t super because she does a lot, but because she focuses on what’s important so she can be effective and effect improvements that change lives in a positive way.

The gift download on my website, “focus: A simplicity manifesto in the Age of Distraction,” is one I’m pleased to provide because it ties in perfectly with Super Nanny’s point about the need to simplify—not solely from the too-much-to-do syndrome, but also the issue of multiple distractions that pull us off focus, not just on work but also on the other areas in our lives. The author of “focus”, Leo Babauta, wrote about overwhelm and addiction created by our new technological age, and how so many of us don’t even realize the impact on our lives because of it. Even if we don’t see it, we do sense it.

This week, maybe pay attention to when you feel stretched or stretched too thin. What’s causing this feeling? Is it a fact that you’re overburdened? If so, what solution are you willing to engage? Is it that you burden yourself with too much thinking rather than productive action? Over-thinking is a great avoidance tactic: It allows us to believe we’re being productive when we aren’t.

Eliminate and manage any distractions and extra tasks you can, and that make sense to shed, to simplify your life and reduce overwhelm, if that’s your choice.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! Gabriella Kortsch-“Entering the Now Moment by Leaving Unawareness Behind”; Guy Finley-“Stop Fear Before It Gets Started!”; “In the Mist” By poet Wendi Romero: http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Inner Strength

2011-09-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

To be strong every day . . .

Value yourself, look out for your best interests in every moment, and do so with integrity.

Staying strong requires daily attention, just like anything that requires regular attention for it to be maintained. Everyone has moments when they feel weakened by one or more events. When this happens, know and trust that your inner strength has not left you—it may transform how it appears, and transform you, but it’s always inside you.

In such moments, remember the truth of you, remember to take care of yourself, and remember to manage yourself with integrity.

My father once said, “It’s not always about how you solve or resolve something; but what is important is how you manage yourself through such times.”

Your inner strength is as much a part of you as every cell of your body. Believe in it. Trust it.

Is fulfillment of your dream or goal just around the corner?

2011-09-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

Trust right timing as you aim at and hit targets that expand your life experience in ways you choose.

There is an old Zen adage that says, "If you want to know where you are supposed to be, look down at your feet."

Now each of us could come up with a reason, story, or question to dispute that adage—and we’d feel righteously justified about arguing with it; but if we truly want to live in a state of awareness and enlightenment, we’ll allow that there’s truth in that statement.

We can assist ourselves if we deliberately choose to not dwell on the timing we believe is right and instead focus attention on envisioning our desired end result and feeling now what we believe we’ll feel once it’s ours, which feeds our motivation.

We also need to be aware that “It’s the journey, not the destination” is true, as well. Maybe part of your right timing includes something you need to learn about yourself, like a particularly limiting belief you need to see for what it is and go beyond it, or improvement or addition of certain skills.

When you have a dream or goal, which you have full intention to create and passionate commitment to fulfill, right timing has your foundation underneath it that says, “…however long it takes and whatever it takes.”

Consider some of the most famous creatives and inventors who believed in their desired outcome, even while it took longer than most of us might have had patience to wait… Colonel Sanders with his fried chicken recipe, Thomas Edison with his light bulb, J.K. Rowling with her first and subsequent Harry Potter novels, and so many others....

Try to imagine them giving up because “success” wasn’t happening fast enough. Also recognize that none of them focused on becoming successful; they did, however, want to succeed at creating what they believed in… let me repeat that: what they believed in. An unintentional by-product of their efforts is what they taught us about passionate commitment and persistence.

What goal or dream do you have that you believe in—enough to trust right timing for its fulfillment?

Wishing you a wonderful day and a day filled with wonders… and, right timing for dream fulfillment!

How Many Ways Do You Pay Yourself?

2011-09-02T12:15:00.000-07:00

How Many Ways Do You Pay Yourself?

A wise strategy is to pay yourself… first. But, are you aware there may be more than one way to do this?

You’ve heard that it makes a difference if you pay yourself first—not just in an increase in the amount in your checking or savings account but also in how you affirm that you value yourself, which gets conveyed to others through your energy.

You’ve also heard that, if oxygen masks are needed in flight, put yours on first because you’re no help to anyone if you’re unconscious… or worse. Let me explain how the oxygen mask ties in to ways you might pay yourself.

During a coaching call, my client—who’d recently heard the “pay yourself first” comment—said she feels our calls are a form of paying herself. I literally stopped moving for a moment when she said that… because her statement was profound and brilliant! It’s a valuable lesson to us all: It isn’t always about dollars and cents; it’s also about what makes sense for us—like putting your oxygen mask on first so you can keep breathing, and fulfill your purpose.

What are other ways you do or might pay yourself for meeting challenges (good ones, tricky ones, and more serious ones) every day—ways that feel like an oxygen mask in your life? What about…

You give yourself “you” time every morning (or at least once a day), whether it’s to meditate, read something inspirational or motivational, not think about anything and just be, get organized and feel on purpose about your day before you start it.
You get the rest and relaxation you need so you have energy for your life.
You trust your inner knowing about what’s fun and fulfilling for you and follow this.
You know and trust what’s appropriate and inappropriate for you and you honor this—guilt-free and with no need to explain yourself.
You value and honor your time.
You regularly clear clutter from your living and working spaces. NOTE: Creatives “do” clutter differently.
You take walks or walk in nature or engage in some activity or inactivity that helps you relax.
You give yourself a few moments, or longer, to celebrate and appreciate when you complete or accomplish something, rather than rush to the next task. You give yourself the “attaboy” or “attagirl” you’d love to get from someone else.
You turn the computer off and have a real evening (day off, weekend, or holiday), whether a quiet one in your own company or with family or friends.
If it fits your budget, you pay an appropriate someone (or barter) to take care of certain tasks like yard work, house cleaning, bookkeeping, or whatever—which may be long-term or once a month, when you want that time for self-care or self-nurturing or to focus on a project.
You plan and enjoy coffee and conversation with a friend, or some other type of outing.
You watch a favorite program or movie or read a novel—without apology.
You enjoy a SPA day at a salon or create your own at home.

Many more bullet points could be added, but you likely get the drift of what my client meant. For her, our calls and what their results are in and on her life not only bring rewards into her life but lets her feel rewarded for the energy she gives to her process—on her behalf—between the calls.

Give thought to what feels similar to you—something you really couldn’t put a price on because it provides something invaluable to you as the unique individual you are.

Maybe you might pick one thing you feel is like the oxygen mask but you’ve, perhaps, not been giving to yourself often enough or at all—and put it into practice this week.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is empowering! Gabriella Kortsch-“Do You Dance? Are Joy & Happiness Major Components of Your Life?”; Jeanna Gabellini-“Do You Believe in Easy?”; “On The Edge” By poet Wendi Romero: http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Invite Miracles!

2011-08-31T07:50:00.001-07:00

Let miracles of all sizes thrill you. This will cause you to attract and expand even more of them into your life.

We’re told to feel appreciation or gratitude if we want to shift into flow. Maybe you wonder how to do that at times, especially if you’re stressed.

When I need an easy re-connect with appreciation and flow these days, I think of how I followed my intuition about where to look for my new residence. It put me at the right place, at the right time, for the right reasons…and fulfilled other significant “rights.” I think about this and literally feel the thrill of that miracle in my cells.

Think of something in your own life that parallels this, something that will let you re-connect quickly, when you need or want to. (It reminds me of Harry Potter being told to think of and feel a happy memory in order to cast an effective Patronus Charm to protect him from energy-draining Dementors.)

Albert Einstein said: “There are two ways to live: You can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

Wishing you a wonderful day and a day filled with wonders… and, miracles!

What Self-Sabotaging Behavior is About

2011-08-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

Self-sabotage is not about lack of willpower; so, you can stop beating yourself up about that one. What it is about may surprise you… and empower you.

Self-sabotage happens when you confront the need to move out of your comfort zone to improve your life experience or make a dream or goal happen. This is one reason willpower doesn’t work.

A few words about willpower…

Have you noticed how well trying to force willpower to work and last… works and lasts? It doesn’t, not really. In fact, it sets you up for heavy-duty self-criticism more than accomplishment and self-fulfillment. You might believe willpower did it for you at some time, but it was awareness, choice, commitment, reminders about intention and desired outcomes and motivational statements made to yourself repeatedly that supported you.

Willpower means self-control (according to my dictionary). We don’t like the word “control;” that is, no one really likes the concept of being controlled. When we attempt self-control, it can feel like a force acting from outside us, which we resist. It’s why regimes and resolutions get tossed. Self-management is far friendlier, more realistic, and doable.

Back to self-sabotage…

Think about something you say you really want to do or a project you need to get done or a change you know needs to happen. If anything about that challenges your comfort zone(s), self-sabotaging behaviors pop up. You may notice this as
Your mind wanders when you need to focus
You convince yourself some other task must be done first or instead of priorities (a real trickster for those who work from home)
Self-doubt creeps in that says you don’t have what it takes to do whatever or to do it “right”
If it’s something you haven’t started or you’ve started but don’t stay consistent about it, you may convince yourself you don’t actually have time and that you can’t make time either… that you have to wait until the perfect time shows up to focus on it
You suddenly feel anxious or exhausted, too much so to be productive or creative—you convince yourself that you can only focus on this project or action when it (you) “feels” right, that you can’t even give it five minutes and see where it goes from there

It’s easy (and preferable) to believe your self-sabotaging aspect points to something outside of you that needs to change before you can be productive, when, in fact, it points to something inside you that requires change. The first thing to change is belief that your sabotaging self is against you. It isn’t. It wants you to see a blocking belief that holds you back or stops you so you do something about that rather than resist, or continue to resist, the need for inner change.

Resistance causes you to believe, temporarily or longer, that your ability to choose is impeded, and even removed in some instances. So, instead of making a decision in your favor, you engage lots of activity (or conversations with others or yourself) or go immobile, with little to no productive action on what’s really important and leads to desired results. This applies to business, weight loss, relationships or dating… any goal that requires you step out of your comfort zone about any improvement you say you truly desire. One big trigger for many is—“If I succeed, what will be expected of me then?”

Taking action will make your sabotaging self go quiet. Here are a few examples of your sabotaging self and you having a different kind of conversation.

SS: So, you want to write a book! Well, if you write it and it isn’t perfect, you’ll humiliate yourself. Save yourself the embarrassment and don’t even try. Go do something else—something safe, like house or yard work.
You: Maybe you’re right and maybe you’re wrong. I won’t know unless I prove one or the other correct. So, I’m going to write anyway. I may write only one paragraph or even just one sentence a day. And then I’ll write another and another, and take it from there.

SS: You’re overwhelmed! There’s too much to do and think about, so do nothing for now…or for longer…or rake leaves or do something that doesn’t challenge you but lets you feel busy.
You: There is a lot to do, but I’m going to make a list and prioritize it. Then I’m going to make a schedule that helps me address priorities and get to it, one item at a time.

SS: Don’t focus on your priority. Think about all those other things on your to-do list.
You: I’m going to give at least an hour or two of full focus each day to my priority, until it’s done. I’ll attend to other matters, as well, but my priorities will get done. [I wish I’d made note of who said this: “Make your to-do items your Ta-Da! items.”]

Your sabotaging self waves its hand for your attention. Fear gets triggered. Clarity of thought disappears—it’s like mind static. Your conscious mind doesn’t clearly hear what your sabotaging self is saying because of the static—which is why you don’t know specifically what’s bothering you, but you feel its effects. A remedy is to look at what you were supposed to do when you did something else instead or are about to. What’s up with that? A fact is that sometimes you really do need to do something else or something else first, or genuinely need to rest; but, you know the difference between a real need and avoidance.

The example conversations showed you can hear what your sabotaging self says to you (to get your attention, not actually to stop you in your tracks) and then do the opposite. The thing is that once you do this enough times or one really good time, your sabotaging self will put a checkmark by that item and never bring it up again. It won’t need to. It will be a block you’ve overcome. Your sabotaging self wants to help you get over fear of taking calculated risks so you can receive rewards you desire.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

2 Components of Real Change

2011-08-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

There’s one particular thing that often stands in the way of any desired change; and, its partner has near-equal influence. Do you know what these are?

Consideration about the ignition switch for real change started with an email from an associate saying he was in a state of flux and it didn’t feel good. I emailed to check on him a week later and he responded that he’d made a decision to focus on one specific project he really wanted to engage, rather than all the opportunities being presented to him.

My thoughts about this are that the opportunities had become like “shoulds” swarming around his mind—each an external influence vying for his attention. Their “buzzing” distracted him from listening to his inner guidance that would lead him to head and heart alignment. He resolved his inner and outer conflicts by heeding the message of his true feelings (inner wisdom) instead of “should logic,” which allowed him to make a decision appropriate for him at this time. Absence of a decision based on head-and-heart aligned feelings is what often stands in the way of our starting down the path to a desired change.

The second happening that inspired me came when I took my cup of coffee outside early on a Sunday morning. I sat on the ledge by my kitchen door and gazed down at a small patch of wild ground cover and its tiny white flowers, still closed, as they do at night. I’d glanced away for a moment; and when I looked back, saw that one bud had opened; I watched its gradual unfolding. A few minutes later, another opened then another and another, until only one bud remained closed. I went inside to refill my cup, turn on my computer, and then went back outside. The bud was still closed. I kept watching it; it seemed to take a long time to open—though, I believed it would.

While I waited and watched the final bud, I thought that although a decision, as described above, is the first component to real change, it’s followed by right timing, which is different for each of us. These tiny white flowers are all members of the same root system; yet, each opened at different times—when the time was right for them. Right timing applies to decision-making, as well. Some decisions are made quickly; while others, usually about something likely to create significant change for or in us, are made once we move whatever is buzzing us out of the way so we can listen to what our true feelings tell us.

Each bud’s opening was silent—no fanfare, but glorious in its own way. Isn’t that how true change happens inside of us? We may tell others about it, but the moment we make a decision right for us, the moment we feel a true shift within us, is silent and glorious. Poets could use their wordsmith skills to create an image most could relate to feeling-wise, but many of us would be hard-pressed to adequately describe how we feel at such moments. Probably like the buds, we feel the spontaneous opening up—like a welcome inhalation after holding our breath through a long night—followed by a gradual, natural unfolding of our true selves that allows us to give AND receive gifts.

We think of right timing as a matter of external events lining up then showing up, but it starts at the inner level. The client mentioned in my recent article about “shoulding” on ourselves, on her own, saw the impact “shoulds” were having on her inner and outer experiences. Just as my associate’s “opportunity buzzing” pulled his attention away from his inner wisdom for a while, events in my client’s personal life competed, and necessarily so, for attention required by her professional life. She juggled a lot of issues at once. All of us know what that’s like.

Amid all these matters tugging at her, she paid attention and made adjustments. This is why in one of our coaching calls we tweaked a few perspectives, but the real “work” that led to meaningful shifts happened between our calls. One significant thing she did after our call was decide it was time to relax her energy, which invited an external event to line up on her behalf. Quite soon after she chose to relax and feel good about how well she was actually doing, a desired opportunity “knocked at her door.” She was able to greet the opportunity as a calm, gracious, enthusiastic hostess rather than a harried one. This is what opportunities appropriate for us do: they wait for our energy to be inviting.

Both of these individuals provide excellent reminders to us all to listen to our inner voice, and to trust when it tells us that something is out of balance and what would feel better or appropriate for us. They remind us that when we feel pulled at by life’s events, and even possibilities, that pulled feeling is our signal to pay attention, to observe and listen to feelings that lead us back to the ability to make a decision right for us, rather than listen to the mental “buzzing” that distracts us; and then to allow right timing, as needed. The result is peace of mind; and you can’t put a price on peace of mind.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is powerful, if I say so myself! Guest Articles: Complain Your Way to a Breakthrough! by Margaret Lynch; Intimacy . . . We Say We Want It, But Do We Really? by Lynne Forrest; and Just Sit by poet Wendi Romero: http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

What Should You Be Doing?

2011-08-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

I Will Not Should on Myself Today

How ready and able we are to beat up on ourselves! “I will not should on myself today” would benefit many as a new mantra.

A coaching client, who is a solo business person, provided lessons for many by sharing “should” challenges a number of people contend with in their personal, as well as professional lives. Three big “shoulds” showed up for her. You’ve probably experienced at least one of them, in one form or another.

Should 1 convinced her to sit at her computer all day and into the night for three weeks straight, and not productively for the most part, mostly hoping something good would happen—no outings; no mental, emotional, physical, or creative time off. All that time, and nothing shifted in a positive direction. Law of Attraction proves that what you focus on you get more of. A better statement is HOW you focus is what you get more of. Right now, as you read this, make your own mental list of what was likely attracted into her life or amplified during those weeks. More of the same, for sure. Are you currently doing this in one or more areas of your own life?

Should 2 convinced her to believe the way to improve her circumstances and experiences was to focus 24/7 on her home-based creative business—let me change the word “focus” to “dwell on”—there’s a big difference between the two. This “should” is filled with stress and strain, yes? Yes. Was her focus on productive ways and actions to achieve desired outcomes during reasonable work hours, or was she worn out mentally—even burned out from the weight of this kind of thinking? Sure, she had some creative, inspired moments in the mix and some productive outcomes; but most of her thoughts ran like this: “Nothing’s working the way I want it to. What am I doing wrong? Why is this happening? Why is this so hard? When is this ever going to change in my favor?!”—Whew! Using Law of Attraction principles, you can see what her day-to-day experience was like, from dawn to dark. Are you dwelling on similar questions about one or more areas of your own personal or professional life? Dwelling on and acting on create very different results.

Should 3 convinced her that anytime she attempted to focus on a personal project that felt fulfilling to her or anything other than work, her Inner Critic should nag her. What happened was rather than engage with her self and a project fully, she engaged in an inner battle with the Inner Critic—a battle between what she “should” be doing and what she felt inspired and motivated to do at that time. These battles used up her time and energy; wore her out and wore her down. Creative projects inspire. They bring joy and fulfillment by virtue of meeting a creative challenge. For her, this inner battle meant nothing she did was joyful; nothing got completed—except for her feeling completely frustrated. When you consider the Law of Attraction factor here, what you get is a big Ouch! I suggested more fun be included in her life (very attractive to LOA!)—and, not just doing fun things—engaging her own inner fun about whatever she sets out to accomplish.

We think that such stress and strain can be hidden from others (our own private hell), but it leaks from our energetic pores—it pushes people and desired outcomes away like bad body odor. That’s graphic, but true. It shows in our face, our body language, our attitude. It creates a vicious cycle: we want or need to improve something in our lives; but instead of exploring appropriate actions and taking them so we can give outcomes a chance to show up (including fun and recharge times that stimulate creative productivity), we wallow and fret in our minds—which never, ever creates positive experiences and outcomes. And, this casts many people into the dark land known as I Don’t Deserve Anything Better.

We seem to walk on a tightrope when it comes to how we believe we “should” perceive ourselves, which is what generates and amplifies beliefs about what we deserve. It’s kind of like the story of Goldilocks—if we have too high an opinion of ourselves, the “porridge” is too hot. Too low, the “porridge” is too cold. Yet, we can’t seem to allow ourselves to sit in the chair where the “porridge” is just right. Why is this? It’s because we were convinced by others (who also believe this) that the assessment of who we are, how well we’re doing, and what we deserve must be decided by others, not us. We ignore the fact that allowing the opinions of others to define us and what we deserve has never worked and never will; and, in fact, keeps us understandably confused and stifles our natural inclination to explore what fulfills us, to discover and live what makes us feel like just-right porridge.

Every one of us “shoulds” on ourself from time to time. The next time you catch yourself about to do this, stop and ask, “Who am I trying to please?” The best answer, of course, is you! And in that case, you really do know what would please you, so follow your inner wisdom. We’re not talking about running amok here with irresponsible behaviors. We’re talking about you living YOUR life without resisting what feels appropriate, productive, and fulfilling for you.

Shoulding on yourself seldom creates results, it creates a mess. If you feel the need to should on you, relevant resistance is trying to get your attention. Really—if there’s something you must do, you do it—free of shoulds. A “should” is a Stop sign: take a moment to look at it. If you should be doing whatever, why aren’t you; and what would have to happen at the inner level in order for you to do it? Or, maybe you shouldn’t do what you tell yourself you should. During the call with my client, she revealed that her intuition is always correct, but her Inner Critic tries to convince her otherwise with guilt-laden shoulds. I shared a quote with her by Goethe that brought tears to her eyes: “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” That we weren’t taught to trust ourselves is a good reason so many do “struggle” as a way of life instead of discovery and fulfillment.

Consider if any of your “shoulds” have merit and go from there, but don’t engage in a battle with them. Shift “I should” to “I will” or “I won’t.” “I should” has no power behind it; “I will” and “I won’t” do. Include your right to have fun at the inner and outer levels of your life. You’ll have a far better Law-of-Attraction result with this approach.

What does the Infinite Creative Consciousness—the final word in all things—say you deserve? All the GOOD you can use and enjoy! But, you have to agree to invite it into your state of mind. Your good will knock; it may put a foot across the threshold, but it won’t enter your life fully without your permission.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation issue is especially powerful: http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Healing Emotional Wounds with Forgiveness

2011-08-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

Dr. Gabriella Kortsch shared a deeply meaningful article, “Can You Forgive?”—in the most recent State of Appreciation issue, that included powerful comments such as…

“You remember what happened with a great deal of emotion, almost as though you were reliving the painful incident.”

And…
“What I'd like you to think about is this: by remembering, by bringing it back into your mind over and over again - even though you only do it once a week or once a month - you maintain the freshness of the pain. Reliving a painful situation in your mind is tantamount to reliving it in reality ... have you not noticed how the tears can flow again and again, or the red-hot anger can flare over and over ... even though decades have passed?”

And this powerful comment…
“It is at this point that you can begin to take cellular responsibility for yourself, i.e., you will no longer be harming your body in all senses of the word by keeping that negative power in the past.”

Gabriella’s words reminded me of something I wrote in an article once, to the effect that forgiveness asks us to “FOR goodness sake, GIVE yourself a rest from carrying this.”

There’s a difference between an emotional wound we feel from an experience that’s happened recently and one we continue to irritate long after the original event occurred. As Gabriella stated, we influence our very well-being with our thoughts about such moments. Stuff happens that upsets us or hurts us deeply—depending on how we perceive what happened and what we tell ourselves about it, initially and long-term. We are affected the time we live it and each time we relive it. We know this; but until we seek and do what helps us heal these wounds, we suffer over and over. (Dr. Kortsch provides valuable information about this in her article.)

I’ve watched people repeat stories of past hurts—long past in some cases—as though they just happened. I’ve watched them make themselves ill, send their blood pressure up, and more. I’ve done it to myself a time or two.

Dr. Kortsch’s compelling, informative article is available in its entirety on the State of Appreciation Guest Articles website page until Aug. 12, 2011, at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com .

Is there any lingering past hurt you continue to tug at—from someone else or that you feel the need to forgive yourself for? One you re-wound yourself with over and over? What do you want to do about that? What will you do about it?

7 Tips to Manage Overwhelm

2011-08-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Overwhelm blocks productivity, creativity, enjoyment… and even income! You can begin to improve this starting today.

In my article, “What Does Feeling Overwhelmed Really Mean?”, I mentioned I’d created a mind map. Since then, I revisited my mind map and removed a few things listed there. They’re terrific ideas, but they don’t really “crank my tractor.” This is something you might keep in mind, too.

I’m something of a list addict—okay, maybe list maniac is more like it. Over the years, I’ve revised how I manage my lists so I don’t overwhelm myself with them and what’s on them—though, I can still get carried away when ideas flow. It may look messy or imprecise to others, but it’s a system that works for me.

Here are 7 tips to help you manage or prevent overwhelm, especially for those of you who are list addicts too or don’t like lists and, perhaps, operate a bit on the disorganized side.

1. Stop looking at your physical or mental to-do list and focusing on what isn’t getting done. Key Lesson: To-do lists are to help you focus, not hold you hostage.

2. When you feel overwhelmed by your list, either your energy and enthusiasm fold up and you do nothing or you run yourself ragged trying to clear items from the list—usually non-essential items instead of priorities. You do this to, hopefully, make that darn list smaller! But, of course, you continue to add items to your list, and you feel like you don’t make any real headway. As soon as you catch yourself doing either of these or about to, stop! And, go to the next tip.

3. Prioritize! This may mean numbering items in order of importance or noting which are actually priorities (essential) and which aren’t (not essential).

4. Dump some of the non-essential to-do items—or all of them—or give them to someone else to do, for pay or not, depending on the situation.

5. Give about an hour a week to your to-do list to categorize items as Priority, Not A Priority But Needs Doing, and Non-Essential. Decide which priority or priorities will have your attention that week and decide on which days you’ll focus on which priorities. Include some time for non-priority items that do need to be completed by you or will create personal fulfillment.

6. Remember to take breaks. Get up and move around or do something else for 5 to 10 minutes every hour. (When you focus on projects or tasks, eliminate as many interruptions as it’s realistic to do.) Be sure to take at least one full day each week (two is better), when you do nothing work-related, including thinking about anything work-related. This can make a huge difference in energy, enthusiasm, creativity, and yes, even in income. If you’re self-employed, stress from overwhelm can push success away from you. If employed, being productive, rather than frazzled and behind in your work, can justify pay raises, in your mind and your employer’s.

7. Adjust your attitude. Find a way to make whatever you do a creative challenge for you, whatever that looks or feels like to you. “Martyrs” don’t have fun and aren’t fun to be around. If what you have to do isn’t pleasant, why are you doing it? Sometimes you have to do the unpleasant tasks, but sometimes you don’t. It also helps attitude to consider if what you do will be a genuine help to someone who relies on you for valid reasons. If you switched places with them, what attitude would you hope the other person demonstrated?

Another contributor to overwhelm is when your actions don’t show immediate results. You might give up or change course instead of look at what’s going on and what might lead to desired results. Impatience makes you chase lots of flashy things that seem to say, “Try me! Try me!” This is a big reason why success gets stalled—this, plus too many people believe they have to get it “right” and strike it big right away rather than improve and build gradually.

Overwhelm leads to lack of faith in yourself, leads to lack of faith that your desired result is possible. You may flip back and forth between, “This will work” and “This will never work,” which is stacking another form of overwhelm atop what’s already there. Overwhelm can lead you to undervalue you and what you offer—and even those you offer it to.

Really look at what your priorities are—what can actually lead to desired results. Really look at what aren’t priorities. Is there anything on your list that is a terrific idea but just doesn’t float your boat about doing it (and the decision to do it is yours alone)? Delete any of these you know you could or should, or recruit someone to handle them for you, if you truly believe they need to happen. But, don’t convince yourself non-essential items, or uninspiring ones, have to be done just because you wrote them down.

Keep in mind that life seldom happens in a straight line. Neither does goal or dream setting and getting. A plan-of-action helps you stay the course and get back on course when detours show up. You don’t have to be “perfectly” organized, but you benefit if you have a system that helps you be better organized, in a way that works for you.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

End procrastination and achieve desired change in a 2-month online course (see website) with Joyce Shafer, Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, & publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter promoting a blend of practical & spiritual approaches to life for personal development and self-realization. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at http://www.stateofappreciation.webs.com/

What Does Feeling Overwhelmed Really Mean?

2011-07-29T11:25:00.001-07:00

There are two types of overwhelm: the type that’s triggered by external events and the type you self-impose. Both can be managed with the same technique.

“I’m overwhelmed,” was my client’s first comment. You’ve been in that state of mind, and so have I. And, that’s what’s important to understand—overwhelm is a state of mind, not an actual event.

Let’s look at a parallel situation. Say you’re hosting a holiday dinner, maybe for the first time, maybe not. Very few people, though there are some, would go to the store and push a cart up and down the aisles, believing the meal plan will come together for them as they do this. Most of us would hit overwhelm pretty quickly, especially if we want the meal to be a good one and the preparation to go smoothly.

You could avoid that overwhelm by sitting down with paper and pen, deciding on what’s to be served, what you have already, and what you need to get. At some point you might even write out a plan of when to start preparing each food item, when to set the table or lay out what your guests will use. You might even recruit helpers. You may feel somewhat anxious on the day because you want everything to go well, but you won’t feel overwhelmed—because you have a plan with steps to take—a strategy. And, yes, something unexpected may happen that makes your plan wobble, but it’s easier to address a wobble if what needs to be done is clear to you.

Any dream or goal, whether for business or personal fulfillment, deserves a strategy session. You’re told to take action and to take it fast. That works well for inspired ideas—ones that happen in a flash and create a particular feeling inside you when you get the idea and while you act on it. The rest of your ideas need some time spent on them so you know which actions to take, both the initial time you consider this plus some revisits and revisions, until you achieve your desired outcome.

Sometimes, people procrastinate because they don’t practice using a strategy. The longer this continues the more fear stops them in their tracks, possibly for years, until they no longer believe in their ability to go after what they desire. I share such a story on the End Procrastination page on my website.

Back to my client . . . when I asked her what her overwhelmed feeling was about, she shared something new she’s moving forward in her business and several other personal projects she feels strongly about. We discussed her need to spend productive time with each project, the need for research, when her most productive work time of the day is, and the need for her to create a list of what she is to work on each day—created the night before. We included flexibility to act on inspired ideas if they show up and want to bump her original plan over short-term.

She also had the thought, as many do, that maybe she should work on all of her ideas at once (which was part of the cause of her overwhelm); so, we discussed prioritizing. Years back I worked for someone who brought me three “priority” projects at once. I asked, “Which would you like completed first?” His answer was, “All of them.” I handled that situation; but you can see that you might do this to yourself, might think you have to work on everything at once, which is impossible, isn’t productive, and puts you into a state of self-imposed overwhelm.

I created a mind map. At the center is my core (business) purpose, what I choose to provide/create. I drew lines out from the core and added more circles at the end of each line that include ways I want to fulfill my core purpose. Each circle requires a strategy. Each circle can have its own mind map, if needed. Everything listed on that map is directly related to the core purpose. Some of the items are ones I do weekly. The others are prioritized and re-prioritized when I add new ideas or feel a particular inspiration about them.

Some of you may have an aversion to mapping out a strategy. For some of you, the absence of a strategy may work—it’s rare, but it does happen for a few people, like shopping for a major dinner without a list and it works out. If you don’t fit into that rare category, you need a strategy, a plan, a map—call it whatever you want to that makes you feel on board with the process, but give yourself and your project(s) the time deserved so you know what you’re doing, why, when, and so on. Otherwise, you’ll stay crazy-busy being active, but not productive; or maybe you’ll be somewhat productive but also crazed by the activity involved and the undone items you feel looming. You’ll exhaust and overwhelm yourself, when you don’t have to. You’ll also move toward your desired result steadily, with fewer starts and stops.

Steadily . . . One of the external causes of overwhelm these days is a result of some of the marketing going on where individuals lead you to believe you have to aim at becoming a gazillionaire overnight or by next week. How about letting those ideas go and just focus on creating a foundation of action so you get started and move forward consistently.

Whether part of your purpose is to generate income or not, let how you can make a difference with each item listed—before a dollar (or praise)—guide you as you map out your strategy.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

WHERE Is the Best Place to Start

2011-07-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

When you have a goal or dream in mind, do you ask yourself where the best place to start is? The answer is in the question: Where you’re going.

You’ve seen floor plan maps in public places like large malls, stores, or office buildings that let you see where shops, offices, or sections are located. Here’s what’s interesting about this: you might think the first thing you do is find the You Are Here X then look up where you want to go. But the first thing you do is THINK about WHERE you want to go.

You may be one of many who approach goals or dreams by looking at where you are before you do anything. And, this may be an obstacle for you. Why? Because when you put your primary focus on where you are rather than on where you want to go, you open the floodgates for self-doubts and can come up with a number of reasons—or one big zinger—for why going after what you desire will be too difficult.

Before GPS, when you wanted to travel to a place you’d never been to, you didn’t look at a map of your city. Yet, that’s what we do when we focus on where we are instead of where we want to go. Once you know where you want to go, then you look at where you are and make a plan for how you’re going to get where you want to go. You even allow for pleasant surprises and detours along the way. You figure out the various aspects like money you may need or want to have on hand, how far your car can go before it needs fuel or what your comfort level is about filling up, stops to rest, and so on.

When you go for a goal or dream, you plan as much as you can, like for a road trip, and manage your way through what comes up that you didn’t include in your plan. Life always surprises us along the way. Sometimes the surprises bring even better opportunities and results than what you plan. Sometimes it’s an opportunity to find out how creative you can be.

You also want to watch not to pick up “hitchhikers” like fear that’s attached to the opinions of others. Carlos Castaneda said, "The self-confidence of the warrior is not the self-confidence of the average man. The average man seeks certainty in the eyes of the onlooker and calls that self-confidence. The warrior seeks impeccability in his own eyes and calls that humbleness. The average man is hooked to his fellow men, while the warrior is hooked only to infinity."

Another “hitchhiker” may be discipline, or rather lack of, if you believe you don’t have enough self-discipline to do what it takes to go for a goal or dream. Therese Skelly wonderfully reframed what discipline is: integrity—meaning your personal integrity. So often, we believe integrity is all about how we engage others. That’s just one aspect. Do you act with the same integrity with you that you would with others?

One of my coaching clients had put off a goal for five years, a goal she genuinely wanted. She allowed a lot of negative self-talk to block her; and the longer she waited, the worse she felt. By the time we began to work together, her self-esteem was way down there. She’d spent five years looking at where she was rather than where she wanted to go and how to get there. We explored what discipline looked like for her, integrated it into her day, and voila! Her integrity, discipline, self-talk, ability to take action steps that led her to her desired outcomes fell into place in a very short span of time. Five years of misery ended in two months… sooner actually.

If you’re hesitating to go for a dream or goal, check your focal point. It’s like archery: when you want to hit the bull’s eye, you don’t focus on your feet.

What will it cost you to go for your goal or dream? What will it cost you if you don’t?

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Interview with Dr. Gabriella Kortsch, Author of Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self

2011-07-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

Joyce: Who is this book written for?

Gabriella: Rewiring the Soul is written for anybody who suffers and I guess that means just about all of us! It is written for anybody who has not yet experienced enduring happiness and inner well-being; anybody who is reaching for inner peace; anybody whose life is not as they would wish it to be.

Joyce: What can a reader expect to gain by reading this book? What makes it different from most other transformational or self-help books out there?

Gabriella: So many wonderful teachers tell us about working on our spiritual selves. So many other wonderful teachers show us how to work on our psycho-emotional selves. But very few actually integrate the two. And Rewiring the Soul is my response to that challenge. Rewiring the Soul brings together the need to take your daily life in hand with the need to put your spiritual life in order as well. By daily life I mean your personal life, your professional life, the way you do or do not love yourself and all that such an attitude entails: conscious awareness, healthy boundaries, meaning in your life, recognizing you always have a choice, and taking responsibility for all your choices, etc., and by spiritual life I mean the inner connection to your eternal self.

If you have learned how to meditate, or do yoga, or whatever it is that you do, have you also learned how to observe yourself in the middle of an argument with your rebellious teenage son or your angry partner and hence choose to react differently because you have learned to love yourself enough to do so? If you have learned how to communicate more effectively with your children, spouse, friends, colleagues or employees, have you also learned how to be mindful and connect to yourself in meaningful ways to achieve that spiritual balance in your life?

While Rewiring the Soul is about so much more than that, those previous examples give an idea of what my book is about and how it does so in such a way that our psychological and spiritual selves nurture each other.

In a nutshell: neither the spiritual nor the psychological or emotional dimensions of your life will work if you neglect:
• your inner connection to the eternal self while you seek happiness in the outer world
• your happiness in the outer world while you seek the connection to the inner eternal self
It was Gandhi who said “If everyone will sweep in front of their own door, soon the entire world will be clean”. In Rewiring the Soul ‘sweeping in front of your own door’ means bringing yourself to the utmost point of inner and outer growth, creating progress in body, mind, and soul. This literally means that you have already begun to change the world because of how you are changing yourself.

Joyce: There are exercises in the book. Do you think readers will feel it’s too much to add to a possibly “full plate”?

Gabriella: Not at all. This book does not mean hard work, or spending a lot of time doing specific things. It simply means that as you read – if you so desire - you begin to incorporate small changes into your daily life. And so it begins. And the quality of your life changes…

Joyce: How did you come to write this book?

Gabriella: For years the essential content of Rewiring the Soul was like a small, recurring voice in my head; it was always there, and simply would not leave me alone. I had dozens of excuses for not writing it: I was working on my Ph.D. in psychology, I was teaching at a state university, I had three sons, later I was occupied with moving back to Spain, I was setting up my private practice, I had a monthly newsletter to write in English and Spanish, I had a weekly one-hour radio show to broadcast, I had a daily blog post to write, I facilitated numerous workshops and gave frequent speeches, and apart from all of this busy activity and work, sometimes I even had a life. In short, I told myself the book would simply have to wait. But just as a splinter under your skin eventually needs to be seen to, I ultimately realized that the only way I was going to be able to honor the more and more loudly clamoring voice in my head – and heart - was to sit down and write the book.

And you know, that goes to meaning. We all need meaning in our lives, and although I had many things that gave much significance to my life already, the inner urging and excitement I felt each time I thought about Rewiring the Soul compelled me to write the book. Rumi puts it beautifully: When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.

Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D. (Psychology), author of Rewiring the Soul, is a practicing psychotherapist who works with an international clientele in Marbella, Spain using an integral focus on body, mind and soul. She has published a newsletter in English and Spanish since 2004, facilitates monthly workshops and broadcast a weekly radio show both locally in Spain, as well as on the internet for seven years. Prior to her work in private practice she was Director of Sales & Marketing at several luxury beach properties in Spain and Mexico and was married to a diplomat. She has three sons.
Blog: http://www.rewiringthesoul.com/
Website: http://www.advancedpersonaltherapy.com/
Connect with her on Twitter / Facebook / LinkedIn / YouTube

Three Keys to Goal Setting and Getting

2011-07-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

Richard Bach said, “You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true.” Are you working on your dream, or feel too stuck to move?

There are three keys for goal setting and getting. When something other than achievement or accomplishment is the result, one or more keys have not been used to unlock a particular “door.”

KEY 1

Do you acknowledge you have a dream or goal? Some never get that far. Some have a dream or goal but never start toward it. Some start and stop. Which applies to you?

Maybe you have too many items on your list or have so many, you haven’t written them down. Maybe you just don’t know how to choose the “right” one for now. Here’s a method to help you choose.

• Make a list of up to ten things you want to achieve or accomplish—leave about a two-inch space on the left or right of your list. If your list is far longer, you can still use this method, but the point is to get you to choose something now that you truly want to go for, so start with no more than ten.
• Number them.
• Look at items 1 and 2. If you HAD to choose only one to work on now, which would it be? Put a checkmark next to it.
• Look at items 1 and 3. Repeat the selection process to put a checkmark by the one you’d choose.
• When you finish selecting between item 1 and the other 9, start comparing items 2 and 3, 2 and 4, and so on, until you’ve gone through the entire list.
• Which item has the most checkmarks by it?
• If you don’t agree with the result, repeat this method and be absolutely honest with yourself about what you want, or reassess your list. Does your list represent your desires or those of others?

KEY 2

Do you acknowledge you have options? Are you willing to research and explore what they might be and how they can benefit you? An example is that it wasn’t so long ago that the Internet was not available to get your message out to those who might be looking for what you offer. These days, as long as you have appropriate equipment and service, you can be pretty much anywhere and have an online business presence. To publish an article—you had to mail your article and hope to be accepted for publication, which might take months. Now, you can publish immediately on numerous online venues. It’s the same for publishing an e-book or book.

KEY 3

Does the idea of setting goals and planning next action steps seem too daunting a task? Do you make a plan then don’t follow through? There are a number of ways to figure out next steps that create your plan. The first thing you need to do is identify categories such as financial, emotional, physical, social, and education, which are the main areas that need attention, followed by determining which steps are needed for each. Each step is a target you aim at until you hit it.

And, there are ways to help you follow through such as have a buddy or coach you report to, have a reward system in place like either giving one dollar to a favorite charity when you complete a step or some treat just for you—or you might be one who prefers something less pleasant if you don’t take action steps, like scrub the bathroom every day until you take that next step. You can figure out what motivates you and set it into place.

One of my newsletter subscribers enthusiastically shared her dream in an email. By the second paragraph, the self-doubts started: too old, to this, to that. I shared comments and my workbook that’s used in my upcoming online workshop, Action Sets You Free, created to assist individuals to end procrastination about going for a goal or dream. The fact that she had a format or template in hand to help her create the map to her dream brought her energy back up.

A map created by you and friendly, supportive accountability are sometimes the only things standing between you and a dream or goal, once you’re clear about what you want to aim at. Knowing what action to take and taking it help you end procrastination about that particular goal. Do this once and you prove to yourself you can do it again.

The 3 Keys in Summary: Know where you want to go so you can plan how to get there, explore your options, and have someone who believes in you on your team to help you stay inspired to go for your goal… your dream… your life.

Based on what you’ve read here, what will you choose for you and your life this week?

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

What Is a Short Temper Fuse Really About?

2011-07-16T10:44:00.000-07:00

We all experience having a short fuse at times, though some seem to have this more often. What’s really going on; and can two simple methods make a difference?

Thoughts that motivated my recent article, “Do You Experience Mixed Feelings About Being Patient and Tolerant?” didn’t stop when I typed the last word. I’d likened getting to the end of your patience or tolerance to a glass filling with liquid until it spills over. It’s the same with losing—or loosing—your temper.

My thoughts about why some people seem to have shorter “fuses” or what makes ours shorten at times brought to mind that same glass and what must be going on inside it: It either never really empties of negative emotions about many or particular matters, which means a lot of frustration and anger stays in that container—like a larger amount of aged oil under a smaller amount of new water—or maybe it fills up a bit more quickly than we might prefer.

The words temper and temperance nudged me to look up their definitions. I knew that temper meant to modify into proper proportions, which includes feelings, thoughts, words, and actions. My dictionary also mentions to make suitable, desirable, or free from excess by mingling with something else; to moderate, mollify; to fit, adapt; calmness of mind; composure. Temperance is defined as self-restraint in conduct, expression, indulgences; moderation.

Based on these definitions, we are or appear to be in a state of even temper or temperance, until someone does something or something happens that triggers us to think a certain way and attach a personal interpretation or meaning to it that throws us off balance. Our initial thoughts and the ones that follow cause us to lose our composure or self-restraint.

Ah… and there’s a good question to keep in mind: are you more often in a state of composure or one of self-restraint? You can see which of the two would lead to living with a shorter fuse.

It’s likely that deeply angry, frustrated people exist with as much self-restraint as they can muster instead of feeling composed more of the time. So, it makes sense that their ability to stay composed might be hampered at times, which happens to all of us at one time or another. Add anything else into their “mix,” and they can easily short-circuit because they work harder than anyone imagines to maintain self-restraint. If you’ve ever struggled to maintain temper or practiced self-restraint, you understand.

Whether from a psychological or spiritual perspective, short fuse or short-circuit demonstrates a need for a different power operating in your life than you’re using in that moment, and possibly the rest of the time. This power is an inner one—expanded conscious awareness, not will power, which is a self-imposed trap that puts our attention on what we judge as wrong with us. This power is one of head and heart alignment, which allows you to BE in accord with your Best Self and with the fact there is always a bigger-picture dynamic going on, not just the dynamic you identify with.

When we lose our temper, we are doubly frustrated because we identify with the painful fear that envelops us: we fear the loss of something or something more. Think of the last time you felt angry. What did you fear you might lose or felt you had lost? If your answer is, “I don’t know,” here’s my next question: if you DID know, what might it be? This is a great question because it causes your mind to seek, find, and provide the true answer. Once you know that, you can find a way to address the fear and your anger, if you choose to.

Everyone gets angry. It’s a normal human emotion, and a bit like the story, Goldilocks: too much, too little, just right. Severe anger or a consistently short fuse may need management, whether this is addressed by a therapist or counselor, a coach, or a well-written book on the topic.

When you feel angry, it’s important to take up to five slow, deep breaths. This isn’t as lame as it may sound, if you’ve never tried it. Try it now. It will relax you, at least some. When tense, your breath gets shallow; your brain doesn’t get enough oxygen to help you think clearly. It’s easier to temper strained emotions, or choose to, if you can think straight.

Also, every day write down or think about at least five things you appreciate and are thankful for. This IS important, especially if your thoughts stay focused on the “oil” more than the “water.” Even better is to really FEEL your appreciation for whatever you list. Add genuine appreciation thoughts and feelings to your container each day to push out some of the bad energy—displace some of that old oil with fresh, energizing water.

I recall waiting for the express train at Penn Station in Manhattan. All around me were people of different races, cultures, and beliefs. Even though some demonstrated loss of temper, I was awed that we all got along as well as we did in the city—because we made an effort to do so—because there was more to gain and too much to lose if we didn’t make the effort.

My point is to ask you to address loss of temper as needed, and place your focus on how well you actually do, for the most part, and expand this. For example, you know how someone might take a test and get 95 out of 100, but focuses on the fact 5 were missed? We tend to be like that at times: we focus on what’s not working, as though it’s the only truth, and forget to notice and appreciate the percentage that is working, all things considered.

Based on what you’ve read here, what will you appreciate more about you and your life this week?

Practice makes progress.

Do You Experience Mixed Feelings About Being Patient and Tolerant?

2011-07-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

Patience and tolerance are behaviors and states of mind to practice, right? How well do you do with them?

Questions about Patience and Tolerance came to me after I spent extended time with someone who couldn’t seem to talk about anything that wasn’t unpleasant. All of us need a dose of healthy venting at times; but what I mean here is non-stop negative chatter about anything and everything, not conversation about a specific matter that genuinely needs attention or compassion. If such chatter goes on overlong, I get the heebie-jeebies.

This person’s tendency is to be this way at times, so I’m not surprised when it happens. However, it was my reaction that got my attention. I noticed I was practicing patience, which meant I was pretending to be patient; and that when my pretend patience waned, I slipped (very briefly) into tolerance, which meant I’d actually slipped into pretend tolerance, which is intolerance.

My dictionary defines patience as bearing or enduring pain, trouble, etc., without complaining or losing self-control; refusing to be provoked or angered; calmly tolerating delay, confusion, inefficiency, etc.; able to wait calmly for something desired. Tolerance is defined as to allow, permit, or not interfere; to recognize and respect others’ beliefs, practices, etc., without sharing them; to bear or put up with someone or something not especially liked. Wow… that’s quite a bit to live up to.

I’d have to say that asking ourselves to uphold these definitions all the time would be asking a lot. But, don’t we usually believe we’re supposed to be this way, and that we’re flawed if we aren’t? We may think we should be more patient or tolerant, but what we ultimately want is to feel differently than we do so we behave differently than we might.

The words we don’t see with the definitions—the words we believe we should feel, which are the source of mixed feelings are, “and you are genuinely in balance about doing so.” The word “calmly” is included in the definitions, but it’s more realistic to say we try to convince ourselves to stay calm, when we know we’re losing our cool. The more we try to suppress what we feel, the more our feelings begin to escape as facial expressions and body language, comments, and actions—like steam from a kettle starting to boil.

Maybe what we actually practice is demonstrating as much self-control as we can muster in moments that try our patience and tolerance. When we were kids, we screamed, cried, and threw stuff—behaviors not considered acceptable in anyone over a certain age. As adults, perhaps we do allow ourselves some leeway… like the point a doctor made about allergies: “Imagine allergens filling your system like liquid fills a glass. You’re fine until the glass is full and spills over. The overflow is when you experience allergies.” I see the parallel to loss of patience and tolerance, which means we could probably give ourselves more credit than we might.

It feels like this to me: In general, we tolerate a level of behaviors and situations because we all have our ways, both good and could-be-better; and we really do desire to get along as well as possible with others and life. When “stuff” piles up, like being rushed, exhausted, have too much going on, too great a personality contrast, etc., our “glass” overflows and we feel less able to “politely” suppress how we really feel. Once we feel pushed too far (more accurately: once we think ourselves into feeling we’ve been pushed too far), we’re no longer able or willing to put up with what annoys us. It’s not about losing patience and tolerance—we will; it’s about what we do when we lose it.

When patience and tolerance are challenging to maintain, or fly out the window, it’s time to look at what’s underneath this. It’s likely that something has continued past its “expiration date.” It could be something external or internal that needs reassessment and adjustment.

It’s likely you have a greater threshold of tolerance and patience at times, say, when you assist someone who’s ill or train a new puppy. It doesn’t mean that you won’t slip if challenged beyond what your “glass” can hold, but you may be slower at being triggered during such times because you have an inner alignment about your role in what’s going on. That’s what’s underneath patience and tolerance, and their opposites: Your level of personal alignment with what’s going on.

Explore what causes you to feel anything but at one with yourself, who you’re with, your environment, or events. There’s a message waiting for you there from your core self—a message about an inner or outer action you need to make to restore inner balance and serenity.

Judgment about yourself, or who or what tries your patience won’t help; it’ll make your symptoms worse because that’s what you focus on rather than the remedy. Take several deep breaths. Maybe walk away from who or what triggers you for several minutes to regain some of your calm. You want to be present enough to ask right questions like, “What’s this really about; and what am I willing to do, with integrity, about it.” Otherwise, you may pretend patience and tolerance, until you no longer can. Then the “steam hits the fan,” when you might have been able to turn down the “flame.”

Practice makes progress.

Life Is Not Supposed to Be All About Problems

2011-07-01T11:01:00.001-07:00

Do you wake every day, move through your day, and go to bed with problems on your mind? Maybe you’d like to do something about that right now.

What can you do that’s quick? Reframe the problem or your perceptions about it to make a difference, even if just a small shift at first.

I listened to an interview with Marcia Wieder and she said something like, “Life is not meant to be just about addressing problems.” How often you might feel that your days are all about problems! Maybe thinking that way has become a habit.

Marcia’s statement brought my thoughts back several years, to a call with my Life Coach. He listened to me for a while and asked, “Have you ever noticed how many times you use the word ‘problem’?” He had me there, and I was glad he brought it to my attention. Someone in my life consistently says, “We have a problem.” I’d become so accustomed to hearing it that I didn’t even realize I was using the word so often (and experiencing all that goes with it).

What happens to your energy when you say or think, “I have a problem” or even “There’s a problem”? Do your thoughts immediately go to or open to possible solutions? Not really, huh? You focus on the fact there’s a problem or that a problem is perceived. How can you reframe this?

Here’s an example from my past. The due date for a monthly bill loomed. Expected funds hadn’t arrived. I reclaimed units of Truth and calmed myself. Unexpected funds came to me, which meant I could mail the check and have extra left over. Except… I verified the deposit had cleared and saw a lower online balance from my check register, caused by an annual automated charge. The company had always emailed a notice a few weeks early so I could plan for it. They hadn’t this time.

At first I was disappointed. Then I recognized how I’d been “looked after” from a higher level than physical reality. It was an Instant Reframe Moment, because I could have stayed in the mental-emotional place that believed I had less than I could have had, or life was unfair, or any number of negative perceptions. Instead, I chose to acknowledge I’d been “looked after” at that time, as I had before, and would be again.

Being in problem mode and in a negative perception state can become a bad habit, without you even realizing it. It can make you not only anticipate problems but also amplify severity of situations that arise—through your thoughts about them—beyond what they really represent or present. This can cause you to ignore what shows up to assist you or to not see what shows up for what it is.

A friend of mine had this habit mixed in with the perception that everything had to be “larger than life” to have real value. One Saturday we spoke on the phone about a “problem” she had. My intuition said to suggest she go to a metaphysical bookstore and let a book find her. She agreed to do this. We spoke a few hours later and she insisted she’d found nothing. My inner knowing said otherwise. She finally said, “I did find a book, but it’s just a small one.” I asked which one. “Life was never meant to be a struggle,” she answered. Oh boy. The physical book could fit inside a shirt pocket and not show. Her skewed perceptions about a “little” book caused her to miss the big message for her in the title, alone.

Our perceptions can cause us to wear blinders so that we look in only one direction, usually a negative or limiting one. A habit of labeling events and feelings according to these perceptions closes us off from seeing things differently.

Stuff happens—and for reasons we don’t always understand; but here are four questions to ask when you want to check whether your perceptions about events or situations are working for you:
• What else might be going on? (Negative perceptions limit “visibility”!)
• Is there any value to me at the inner or outer levels; and if not apparent now, what about in the future? (There’s always inner-level value; and hindsight often shows a “brilliance” orchestrated the events—if we allow ourselves to see this.)
• In what way does this event ask me to be creative? (This could be at the inner, outer, or both levels.)
• Do situations (or I) change quicker if I get tense or if I allow serenity in? (You know this one is a no-brainer. If you’re a prickly cactus energy-wise, nothing comes close to you. Smooth your “surface,” and whatever IT is gives you a big hug.)

If your perception about a “problem” is that it’s an opportunity to be creative, or to learn and grow, is it still a problem of the same magnitude? If you reframe it this way, does it still have the same emotional charge for you?

Marcia asked listeners to consider what their relationship is with their personal power. You are an infinite soul, a creative consciousness engaging a physical experience; not just a problem solver or someone who just has problems. Practice being a creative and a creative solver; and use your reframing skills to allow you to experience events from a more positive or productive perspective. There are likely some matters in your life right now you could apply this approach to. Maybe start with some of the simpler ones.

Dustin Hoffman, as Mr. Magorium, in Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, says to his assistant: “Life is an occasion. Rise to it.” That’s what “problems” are, actually: Occasions we have the opportunity to rise to, whatever that means for us as individuals, and in ways appropriate and authentic for us (not based on the opinions of others).

Will you choose to rise to or through your personal power or sink into negative thinking today?

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Is Trying to Be Positive Making You Negative?

2011-06-24T13:34:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel trying to be positive is more like one step forward and two or more steps back? There is a good reason you feel this way.

You may believe you’re obligated to be positive 24/7; and that if you were, everything about your life you don’t like would shift to what you want. And, you’ve likely discovered that “Fake it till you make it” doesn’t work. It may even make you feel worse.

TRYING to be positive causes you to dwell on this as something you SHOULD be when you aren’t. Underneath your efforts is hidden the fact that trying causes you to practice the opposite—without realizing it.

Let’s take a more in-depth look at this. Let’s parallel the energy expression we call reality to water. And, let’s parallel our emotionally-charged thoughts to objects of various sizes and weights. Negative is heavy, positive is light. Drop something heavy enough into a certain amount of water and it sinks. Lighter objects always rise to the surface.

When you focus on the negative, you add more weight to what has your attention and you go down, down, down—near or to the bottom of your ability to express energy, creativity, and vitality on your behalf. This includes judging What Is as negative rather than looking at What Is and asking questions like, What opportunities exist here? There are always numerous inner and outer opportunities waiting for you to find them and make use of them. When you do, your energy gets lighter and you rise to the surface—you rise to the occasion.

The reason we follow the path of negative thought when something happens (or just “because”) is because of a habit we subconsciously believe is effective. It runs something like this: Something happens (or doesn’t). You feel upset, and your level of upset matches the level of severity YOU assign to what’s happened or is going on. By habit, you slip into judgment rather than assessment.

You start first by subconsciously looking for filed programs that match the current one as closely as possible. Like a high-speed recording—moving so fast you don’t even realize it’s running—you replay past voices and memories, starting earlier than you consciously recall and moving forward, until the moment you’re in. Certain statements or memories stand out, and they do so because one of your habits is to look for the right judgment that fits. When you find statements that match how harshly you believe you have to judge yourself, in relation to what’s happening, you’ll pluck them from the rushing stream of thoughts and repeat them to yourself. If you admonish and punish yourself, you’ll do and be better. How’s this worked so far?

What happens is you don’t use your own “eyes,” heart, mind, spirit, experience, or wisdom to look at What Is. You allow in the thoughts, perceptions, and judgments of others—it’s a habit, a bad one; and you aren’t alone in falling back on it. How many of your habitual mental behavior patterns are really yours, or belong to others?

Once you’ve selected the “appropriate” judgments from others regarding how you “should” feel and respond, you add your own to these. As someone who travels the personal development path, you compound this by judging yourself based on where you think you “should” be, instead of allowing yourself to go there. You add weight to the situation by imposing some or a great deal of negativity to it. From the Talmud: “When you add to the truth, you subtract from it.”

How often do we experience something and NOT add our weighted perceptions to it? This is a habit shared by many. When we add negativity, we subtract from the Truth of who we really are, what we’re capable of, and the fact there is a “bigger picture” than the one we see (and judge). This includes judging ourselves if we aren’t positive 24/7, or if we try to convince ourselves we’re positive when we aren’t.

You can’t convince your conscious self to be positive when opposite judgments are running in your subconscious. Neither does it work to add more negativity into the mix. What works is simple—not necessarily easy, but simple: Use the power you have and are to connect with a feeling from a memory that moves you to feel genuine appreciation about something, until you ARE in a state of appreciation.

If you’ve practiced negative thinking long-term, you may have to start with releasing judgment about this before you move into deliberately choosing positive thoughts. When you feel negative, ask yourself if it’s understandable that you do. It is, isn’t it? If it’s understandable, you don’t need to judge it, do you? But neither do you need to stew in it.

You can’t get into a positive state by judging your negative feelings. It won’t work to say, “I HAVE to get or be positive!” Instead, ask, “How can I raise my energy, even a bit, right now? If I can raise it, will I?” Small shifts have positive effects.

Practice makes progress.

Is Self Esteem an Issue for You?

2011-06-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

Are you a member of the Low Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Club? What you’re about to read may inspire you to cancel your membership.

One of the times you feel low self-esteem and self-worth is when you’re around someone you believe, according to your perception, has more going for them than you have, whatever that is… money, success, a relationship, more stuff, etc. I say “perception” because no one has a perfect life or does everything perfectly all the time. But, people with self-esteem and self-worth issues may imagine this to be a fact about others, when it isn’t. Another time is when you’re around authority figures, which also gets addressed.

What happens when you’re with those people? Are you your authentic shining self, or do you sit quietly and try not to take up too much space? What’s this about, anyway?

When you doubt your self-worth, you’re afraid to be yourself, especially around people in authority or are successful, real or perceived.

Maybe you’ve noticed that when you’re with friends who know the real you—and still love you (grin)—that you can be who you are and do so with ease. Put you in the same room with a person you feel intimidated by, for whatever reason—a professional or personal acquaintance, or family member—and, what happens to you? The real YOU, likely, goes into hiding.

I think it was Ram Dass who said, “If you want to know how enlightened you are, spend a week with your parents.” If someone as highly regarded as Ram Dass can recognize this truth (or whichever wise person said it), then we can ease up on ourselves, don’t you think?

Tony Robbins had Beverly Kingsley join him on stage to talk about her weight issue. Progress was being made when Tony asked her why she now knew she had true value and worth. Beverly’s answer: “Because God doesn’t make junk.”

That’s about the most straight-forward response any of us could ever hear. We can cause human creations to perceive themselves as junk goods, but no creation starts out feeling that way—including, or especially, you… no matter what anyone told you or tried to convince you about YOU that is different from this truth.

It is unfortunate that people who were caused to feel low self-esteem and self-worth passed it on or inflicted it on you and others. But, even if they admit they did what they did, it won’t change the internal programs you’re running about this. You have to do that.

The next time you feel unworthy or intimidated when around one or more people, consider using these tips:
• Remind yourself that Source doesn’t make junk.
• Take a deep breath, or a few, and straighten your posture, whether you’re sitting or standing. It’s pretty difficult to feel like you’re less when you deliberately take up a bit more space (meaning, avoid folding your body inward, as though you need to protect it or close up like a telescope). Let your arms rest naturally on armrests of a chair, or find whatever posture feels natural but uses more of the air space around you (and repeat the first tip to yourself).
• Remind yourself that anything other than the truth of your uniqueness and unique contribution to life (whether you know what this is or not) is a lie. And, the most important person who needs to know this is you. This includes honoring your efforts about any aspect of your life you’re currently in the act of improving now.
• If you feel anxious in the presence of people who stir up such feelings, focus on being interested rather than interesting. 1) You’ll learn things; 2) it takes the pressure off of you to do anything other than ask good questions; and 3) it’ll make others happy to talk about themselves. If you really don’t like the person and it’s your choice to be around them, give thought to why you choose to be in their company. Vote with your feet, whenever you can or need to.
• If someone is a genuine problem to be with—abusive in any way, including verbally, please know that you don’t have to be around such people. Never endanger yourself, but do keep in mind that some people are actually bullies without bite. You may find that if you stand up to them, they back down. If they don’t, you want to give thought to continuing the relationship or not.

These are quick-fixes, though they can have lasting, positive effects on you, if you put them into practice. A more lasting “fix” requires you to reach the point where your opinion about you is the one that matters most. And, this is the most important point to keep in mind: If you chose to NOT think thoughts that “nurture” low self-esteem and self-worth, who and how would you BE? Someone may have planted the seed, but we are the ones who decide to feed it or weed it.

Practice makes progress.

Are You Stuck in Survival Mode?

2011-06-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

Another word for survival mode is stress. When stressed, we tend to become something we don’t really want to be: self-absorbed. There is a way out.

An associate brought me up to date on her project. I offered a particular level of assistance. Here’s what she wrote back: “You’re so sweet to even care. In these times it almost feels like no one cares; everyone is so self-absorbed.” She did add that she might have been feeling sorry for herself at the moment. But, her comments reflect what goes on for all of us at one time or another—both on the giving and receiving ends, and especially during this time when so much is changing and fairly often.

Here’s some of what Adam King, creator of The Tessera Method, explained about survival mode.

When you feel threatened, your survival mode kicks into gear. Survival mode focuses most of your attention on helping yourself out of the threatening or potentially threatening situation. In survival mode your ability to show altruism or even love is diminished, and you push people away—literally and energetically. The thing about feeling threatened is that it can either be a real threat or it can be something you fear might happen.

If you’ve had a lot of stress in your life, for an extended interval of time or long-term, you may have an over-active stress response. You always feel anxious. Perhaps your stomach stays upset, or you gain weight, or you have frequent headaches. Maybe you don’t go out of your home, except to work. An over-active stress response causes you to bypass creative thought and reflection, and go right to response mode, which leads you to jump to a conclusion and believe your conclusion is true, when it may not be.

I spoke with someone who’d had cross words with an associate. For days, she’d been replaying what each of them had said, each time stressing herself more and more. She’s mentally engaging a problem she desires a solution to, which is why she keeps replaying it. Solutions would be to end the relationship (not desired) or to mend it (desired). Since two people with hurt feelings are involved, both have to want to mend it and in a way that satisfies both. But trying to solve this in her mind by replaying the problem on a non-stop loop will not create a desired result, only an ever-expanding perceived threat. Only right action will resolve this, one way or another.

Many of us today do not take time to reflect on what we see or hear. We pass information through our own (often) distorted filters—meaning we pull up past memories of experiences and convince ourselves what happened then must be happening again. We literally experience all sorts of trials and battles in our minds, when we aren’t actually engaged in them, whether that’s at all or just in the moment we’re in.

This leads to what King calls Automatic Negative Processing, where we try to find an answer for a problem or question that doesn’t exist—or a real problem that does exist, but we filter suggested changes through our survival mode and ignore them, because processing is a more comfortable place than changing is. When we are in an immediate situation, we take some kind of action. But think about how often it’s really happening mostly in our minds. When we do that, we have two problems: the one that needs a solution and the one we’ve created by feeding the stress we feel about an actual or possible situation or outcome.

If you’ve ever wondered why you replay and replay the same junk thoughts over and over in your mind (stressing yourself even more), it’s because your brain is designed to tell you when a problem is solved. You can solve a real problem, but you cannot solve an imaginary one. So your brain reminds you repeatedly that an imaginary problem—which has no solution—is still unsolved. You stay in survival mode. Your stress increases. You enter into suffering, and you expand your self-absorption. You go into what King calls “lock-down,” where you are stuck in place. Your physical, mental, and emotional expressions become all about you. You do have to look out for your best interests, but there’s a big difference between appropriate self-interest and being self-absorbed.

Any time you feel uncertain—about an outcome, a solution, how you’ll perform, etc., this causes you to put yourself first in your mind and energy expression; although, you might pop out of this in an emergency or if your help is really needed. This causes you to not allow anyone else to come first (before your feelings) and it puts pressure on you to attempt to perform in a situation you don’t have a solution for. If you feel pushed or pressured in any way at such times, your level of stress can go “through the roof.”

Feeling this way can cause you to say and do things that won’t create outcomes you truly desire. Or, it may cause you to be stuck in inaction. What helps? Do something positive or beneficial for someone else. Being able to see beyond ourselves and our self-interests will cause us to feel better, but it also allows us to act the way we prefer to act. When you focus on being of benefit to others, you exit survival mode; the two cannot fill the same space. This doesn’t mean you become a servant or start doing a lot of things for others that aren’t appropriate for you (or them). You want to feel good, not like a martyr. It means that you look for ways to create win-win scenarios and environments.

When you’re in survival mode—and you probably can nod your head about this—clarity, focus, and purpose go out the window. It’s a simple but not necessarily easy fact that our Good flows to us when we are relaxed, when we are enjoying life and what we do and who we do it with, and when we do what results in our feeling fulfilled—that we made a valuable contribution or made a real difference for one or more others.

With all the changes that have gone on and needed restructuring still being figured out, many people have slipped into survival mode. It’s understandable. The fact is that we all slip into this mode at times; it’s getting stuck there that we’re talking about now. The way out of this mode and how it affects us and others is to focus on win-win solutions for issues that need attention. It can also be as simple as making a friendly connection to someone providing a service to you, holding the door open for someone, letting someone with fewer items go before you at the checkout register. It doesn’t always require a grand gesture.

Here’s a small step in the right direction: Instead of thinking about what you HAVE to do, maybe think about what you GET to do, while you’re still here.

Practice makes progress.

5 Questions to Help You Become Your Authentic Self

2011-06-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

It’s a complaint you and many others may share: I don’t feel authentic! These 5 questions can help you change this.

If you feel inauthentic, you already know how painful that can be. If you’re a people-pleaser, you know how painful that can be, too. If you feel the real you lives behind a façade, or worse, you aren’t even sure who the real you is any more, use these five questions to shake your authentic self loose from the ties that bind it. I got the five questions from Jairek Robbins, who got them from someone else… and they are powerful!

1. When you were a child, who did you most want love from—not who you got the most love from—but who you wanted love from most?

You probably know exactly who this is. It’s the person whose approval you felt you didn’t have, and you really wanted to win it, whether you “danced to their tune” or you didn’t.

2. What did you have to be (in your mind’s perception) for the person to give you the love you wanted?

Did you have to be smart, pretty, thin, athletic, an achiever, domestic, hard worker, tough, disciplined, frugal, always working, always in control of your emotions, nice, perfect manners, quiet, clever… Were you expected to be the opposite of any of these or others you list? Jairek didn’t cover this, but were there any contrasting expectations from both parents or caregivers, if you grew up with two? It can be exhausting to try to please two or more people who have different expectations of you. Author Barbara Sher has had workshop attendees make a collage to show an image representation of everyone’s expectations of them. One woman completed hers and said, “There! Now everyone is happy but me.”

3. Who could you NEVER be, because you knew (in your mind’s perception, or in reality) the person would immediately take their love away from you?

Were you a tomboy whose mother expected you to dress in frilly clothes and bake cakes instead of climb trees and catch frogs? Were you expected to always be in control of your emotions, and now you can’t feel your life the way you know you’d like to? Were you a boy expected to be athletic but you were really a creative at heart? Expected to be tough, but you’re really tenderhearted? Jairek didn’t cover this either, but what about mixed messages from that person like be nun-like and highly popular at school, or be successful but don’t take any risks? Were there contrasting requirements you tried to meet for two parents or caregivers? Perhaps, “Be successful, but never do better than we have.” Can you see how this one can cause you to hit a wall any time you try to succeed?

4. Who are you today?

Is it still who you thought you had to be for them, or who you really are? Are you still trying to fit the person’s mold for you, whether they’re alive or not?

5. Who do you have to be from this day forward to align with what you desire and deserve in your own life?

What would you have to adjust? Do you need more structure, less structure? Do you need to work harder, work less? Do you need to laugh more, to allow yourself to feel more, to have more joy, to have playtimes; to aim at fulfillment instead of just achievement?

These five questions are worth planning private time so you can give them—give YOU—the attention needed. Will answering the questions and seeing what’s what immediately shift you into feeling and living as your authentic self? I can’t answer that. But, it’s possible you’ll have to do like many of us and take it one day at a time.

Also, remember not to play the blame game. Whoever did whatever to you more than likely had a problem with their authenticity. Compassion has its place here. Knowing who did what may help you process, but hitching your life onto blame will never help you progress. However, you may need to write a letter to the person and burn it so you get some of your anger out. If you try to let them off the hook too soon, you may take on the blame. Understand, as Barbara Sher stated, “We all try to prove our parents right.” This means if you thought you could make an unhappy parent or caregiver happy by being other than you were born as, you’ve had a frustrating time. Anger about this is understandable. Anger held too long hides a deep hurt. Express it to yourself in the letter (even if they admit fault, that won’t change your programming) then use these questions to discover who you really are so you figure out how to move forward.

Make lists for questions 1 through 4. Make another list to the side and rate each listed item as “Is me,” “Isn’t me,” “Sometimes me.” The second list isn’t to be rated according to how you behave now to fit the first list, but what you know is true about your true self, the self you keep hidden. It could be quite an adventure… to discover, explore, and allow your authentic self to take flight, and maybe even soar. At the very least, you can expand your self-esteem and joy.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
State of Appreciation (Issue 131) is now live at
http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

What Else Can Your Negativity Cost You?

2011-05-27T10:46:00.000-07:00

You are aware of some costs to you from being negative—too aware, likely. But there’s a new way it might cost you, and it’s not on the horizon, it’s happening now.

How easy it is to slip into negativity, especially when we’re frustrated or disappointed. That kind of approach to life situations is all around us. When we do this, we believe we’re being practical, logical. And we get burned by it each time we do it. When we do this, we’re saying that Spirit does not exist in every individual, every event, every moment. It’s an amnesia that takes hold of us for as long as we tell ourselves whatever keeps that discomforting feeling alive in us.

When we do finally allow a “calm serenity of thought,” as Ernest Holmes wrote, we notice that changes take place, positive changes or shifts that evolve into something for our benefit. Life events calm down, a solution or resolution arrives, something inevitably shifts—most especially us.

Maybe you’ve had this experience and, like me, you shake your head and wonder why you couldn’t or didn’t get out of negativity faster. Why is it that we slip out of gear so easily? Because it’s what we and many around us often practice. We confuse it with being proactive. Interestingly, there are those in the world who now pay attention to this in ways we, perhaps, didn’t anticipate.

The CEO of a company told an interviewer that his due diligence, when he considers hiring a new employee, is to research each person’s social sites. If there are occasions of negative postings but the majority are positive, they’ll discuss what was going on for the person at such times. If all postings are negative, or the majority are, they will not hire the person. He clarified that there’s a difference in having an opinion and being negative; that opinions well stated are acceptable, but not incessant negativity. They also look to see if the person’s personality is revealed, as well. The thought behind this is that people would rather be invited into a workplace where who they are is accepted by their associates from the start.

This kind of puts a damper on the value society has placed on being cynical and negative as a way of life or as a form of cleverness (unless you’re a well paid acerbic comedian), and asks us to reassess our responses, reactions, and behaviors. If what this CEO does catches on, an addiction to negativity may cost us in more ways than ones we’re familiar with.

Most of us carry learned negativity; and what we learned has become our first response or reaction when we’re triggered. We believe so many things that hold us back and keep us negative. Holmes stated what we must do to stop this cycle: renew the mind—as often as it takes; and it may take a lot of renewing. You might even say we need to re-knew or re-know the mind—retrain it, that is.

Re-knowledge your mind with what you know is true about spiritual laws. You use them all the time, even if you aren’t conscious of it. Don’t aim at never having another negative thought or feeling—that’s not the target—and thinking it is will create unnecessary inner turmoil. Nor is it healthy to believe you can’t vent. Just choose where, to whom, and how you vent with more conscious awareness.

Aim at re-minding yourself of the truth a bit sooner each time you’re triggered. Re-mind yourself to pay attention to your thoughts and transform them as needed. As the saying goes, this is simple but not necessarily easy. But, it will get easier the more often you remind yourself to use what creates the inner and outer experiences you desire. And remember that you always have to start with the inner.

Not doing this has already cost you. Don’t allow it to cost you even more in the future, in ways you’ve yet to anticipate.

Practice makes progress.
State of Appreciation (Issue 130) is now live at
http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Interview with Yvonne Perry, author of Whose Stuff Is This? Finding Freedom from the Thoughts, Feelings, and Energy of Those Around You

2011-05-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

JOYCE: What is an empath?

YVONNE: As you know, “empathy” is the term used to describe putting ourselves into the situation of another person in order to feel for them or to empathize with what they are going through. Some people are so empathetic that they actually feel with or on behalf of another person. We call these folks empaths or highly sensitive people. Empaths are often found doing volunteer work and may serve others through emotionally demanding careers as childcare givers, medical professionals, hospice workers, midwives, and such.

Thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are a subtle form of energy. Empaths are so energy sensitive that they easily become over stimulated by the energy of other people. Many are unable to be in public without feeling drained because they take on the burdens of complete strangers.

When a tragic world event occurs, empaths may feel the sorrow, loss, and despair of those in another state or country as if it their own family had been affected. Some empaths sense the physical pain, and even the illnesses, of others. Feeling too deeply can cause depression, fatigue, and unexplainable mood swings. Therefore, this intuitive ability is life disrupting for some empaths.

JOYCE: Why do some people have this gift if its side effects are so damaging?

YVONNE: The true purpose of this gift is for humans to be able to transform detrimental energy into beneficial energy and keep the planet in balance. If we continuously live aligned with our ego instead of our higher self, we have a problem. Rather than transmuting negative energy and allowing it to flow through us, we absorb it and it sticks to and combines with lower vibrating frequencies (anger, resentment, shame, guilt, codependency, etc) that we have within us. Thus, we collect stuff in our field, which can cloud our judgment, cause mood swings, and even make us physically sick. Many times the fields of empaths are so cluttered they are unable to identify or separate their own energy from that of another person.

You’ve been around beings who spread cheer or “light up a room” so to speak. If an empath is clear and living in alignment with spirit/higher self, they are filled with Love and Light, and can act as a filter. Any detrimental energy around them is automatically transmuted and darkness is exposed as an illusion of the ego. The unwanted energy moves through in the auric field and subtle bodies a non-resistant manner. If any low-vibrating energy does get stuck, the trained empath can quickly clear it before it become a problem.

From birth to death to afterlife, we are mysteriously connected. Because we are connected, everything we think, say, or do affects all of humanity and ultimately our planet. The awakened empath who employs a practice leading toward spiritual ascension will find their intuition stronger and more reliable. Most empaths also have some healing abilities that become keener as the gift is developed. Without even realizing it, a conscious and clear empath is constantly releasing the karma of others by bringing in and anchoring higher frequencies in the Earth plane.

JOYCE: How common is this empathic gift?

YVONNE: We are seeing more and more people—especially children—awakening to this gift as the Earth is shifting into a higher realm of consciousness. Between fifteen and twenty percent of the population have an excess amount of sentient ability. They tend to become overloaded with the psychic energy of others to the point of compromising their own well-being. Yet, most of them do not know they are empaths, much less what to do about it. Currently, most medical doctors and counselors do not recognize empathy overload or know how to treat people who are suffering with this energy-related condition.

If an empath does not understand what is happening he may think he has some form of mental distress or disorder—especially if he hears, sees, and senses things that other people do not. Some empaths have been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses.

JOYCE: Please tell us about your book, Whose Stuff Is This? Finding Freedom from the Thoughts, Feelings, and Energy of Those Around You

YVONNE: This guidebook has more than two dozen proven and effective ways to clear your energy field of clutter. This is very important to energy-sensitive people, who have been unknowingly carrying energetic burdens that belong to someone else. The book teaches empowering, proactive techniques to manage your personal energy and the energy coming to you from other people. It also contains a list of resources that includes books, classes and groups, practitioners, quizzes and tests, radio shows, videos, CDs, and DVDs to help empaths take the next step in developing their intuition.

In the book you will also find the following:
• Tips to distinguish your own energy from another person’s
• Practices for raising your personal rate of vibration
• Ways to shield yourself from the detrimental energy of others
• How to have compassion without allowing external energy to wear you out
• A fresh perspective on the psychological aspect of empathy and intuition by Dr. Caron Goode
• How to use your intuitive ability as a tool for guidance without paying a personal price

JOYCE: Why did you write this book for empaths?

YVONNE: Like most empathic people, I have always wanted to help others avoid suffering. As strange as this may sound, the one way empaths do this is by taking on the problems of others and suffering on their behalf—kind of like a surrogate for affliction. The other person feels better, but the empath feels worse. This is done in ignorance. Empaths have no idea why they feel so bad or have such emotional mood swings so much of the time. Many are diagnosed as bipolar or having some other mental illness. Medication is often prescribed rather than dealing with the underlying cause, which is energy-related.

I had been an intercessor at church for many years; I was the one people called when they needed prayer, and soon I found myself praying for hours each day. I didn’t realize I was picking up the burdens of others and carrying them as a way to release their karma. I knew nothing about staying clear.

I was at the point of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion when I turned forty. My life as I knew it fell apart and I was circling the drain about to go under with depression. I intuitively knew my condition was spiritually related because when I prayed for others, many times they got well and I began to feel whatever discomfort they had been struggling with. Something had to change.

I had no idea where to start, but I knew that my marriage and my religion were not the answer. They were causing me even more distress so I left both of them and began searching other belief systems. I was drawn to Earth-based healing and energy medicine. Thankfully, I found herbal remedies, as well as visualizations, meditations, prayers, etc., that brought me to a path of emotional maturity (using the gift of empathy wisely without paying a personal price). I ended up getting a bachelor’s degree in metaphysics as I researched and tried all kinds of things to alleviate empathy fatigue—not really knowing the term for the kind of “backlash” I was dealing with.

It occurred to me last summer that I needed to share what I had learned about being an empath. Since writing is my forte, I started writing a blog (http://weareoneinspirit.com) about some of the spiritual practices and protection tips that I use to keep my energy field clear and balance my chakras. However, it wasn’t until a psychotherapist friend of mine, Dr. Caron Goode, suggested I write a book that I decided to gather all this information into a guidebook that could be used to help the millions of energy-sensitive people set boundaries and manage the overload of energy they pick up. Caron provided insight on the psychological aspect of empathy and I wrote about my personal journey through the empath wilderness and how I learned to psychically protect myself as I moved toward wholeness.

JOYCE: Where is your book available?

YVONNE: The printed book is available at http://tinyurl.com/EmpathAmazon. The electronic version is now in Amazon's Kindle Store http://tinyurl.com/EmpathKindle where it may be downloaded to Kindle Readers, iPads, iPhones, and other digital book readers.

JOYCE: What other books have you written?

YVONNE: The Sid Series ~ A Collection Holistic Stories for Children was inspired by my grandson, Sidney, who started demonstrating spiritual gifts at an early age. As a toddler he was clairvoyant (seeing in the spirit realm), but as he matured, he began getting psychic information through dreams. He still hears in the spirit realm. I was concerned that he might also be an empath, and I wanted him, and others kids like him, to avoid the needless suffering I had endured.

The Sid Series is a collection of stories that emerged during the adventures Sidney and I had together, but the stories also deal with topics most adults tend to avoid with children: death, afterlife, ghosts, healing, racial diversity, caring for others, meditation, and spiritual insight. The book is entertaining to children, but it also teaches parents how to open a mature dialogue with them. http://theSidSeries.com

More Than Meets the Eye, True Stories About Death, Dying, and Afterlife (http://deathdyingafterlife.com) is designed to provide comfort for those who are dying, as well as for the caregivers and family who are left with questions when their loved one passes. When I wrote that book, I had a lot of disembodied spirits coming to me. I didn’t know why ghosts were visiting me, but I felt I was supposed to help them. Writing that book helped me find answers not only to know what the ghosts needed, but for protecting my energy field as an empath. So, the book not only deals with spirit visits after the passing of a loved one, it also covers many aspects of the dying and grieving process and sheds light on euthanasia, suicide, and near-death experience.

JOYCE: What other project do you have going?

YVONNE: I am currently planning an event, “Empaths Shifting into 2012: A Telesummit to Help Energy-sensitive People Understand Their Spiritual Role on Earth.” There will be a panel of eight experts who will speak about how the Earth is shifting to bring in more divine feminine energy and how this is affecting lightworkers and empaths. Our counselors, well-trained empaths, and holistic practitioners will help people develop the gift of empathy and give tips for getting free from detrimental energy. We will teach how to become empowered as an empath walking in oneness with all creation so everyone can help facilitate the Earth’s shift into higher consciousness.

This free telesummit will be conducted by phone as everyone calls a specific number and enters a pass code to join the conference. People will be able to ask questions during each of the four calls, which will be offered all four Tuesdays in September. I will present a session titled “There are No Victims! Helping Empaths to See Themselves as Empowered Beings of Light” and speak about why forgiveness is so important to empaths who want to stay clear of negativity and align with higher frequencies in order to accomplish their life’s mission. These calls will be recorded, so if you can’t make all four calls, you can listen to the replays.

People can register now so they will be sure to get a reminder closer to the date of the telesummit. They can go to http://dld.bz/aaK6e and comment with their contact information so we can send them more information.

Is Your Mental House Divided?

2011-05-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

You know so much about Law of Attraction, you could teach something about it to others. But, living it in faith consistently? That’s another matter.

After all my experiences of the Universe working in my favor and doing what I know works, I still bump into times when old program tapes can be triggered to run in certain situations. At such times, I momentarily forget I know anything about Law of Attraction or that I have a lifetime of proof that the Law works—All The Time.

I was going through one of THOSE times recently, and something became obvious to me: my mental house was divided. The negative internal gremlin became quite a chatterbox; and I bet you know what I’m talking about when I say I was uncomfortable… big-time. Whenever we step away from faith (absence of doubt) in how the Universe works, it hurts us in more ways than one.

No matter what we know about how Law of Attraction works or admit to the fact it’s never not working, we can still get trapped into finding our faith limited by paying more attention to what’s happened in the past than on what is really and truly possible right now. At such times, our conscious mind is affected by our subconscious expectations (learned levels of faith), and we block better experiences—and more often than not, get what we subconsciously expect.

Ernest Holmes wrote:

“A sense of separation from good causes us to feel restricted; while a sense of our Unity with GOOD changes the currents of Causation and brings a happier condition into the experience….Man’s individuality enables him to make such use of the Law as he desires. He is bound, not by limitation but by limited thought. The same power which binds him will free him when he understands the Law to be one of liberty and not of bondage. The power within man can free him from all distasteful conditions if the Law governing this power is properly understood and utilized.”

When you find yourself in a funk and off the path of faith that the Universe works in your favor, how do you get back on it? That’s a real question I’m asking. How do YOU get back on it? You might be triggered by others or events, but no one and nothing can make you lose your faith, just as no one and nothing can get you back on track. You have to agree to get off and agree to get back on. You’re human—you’ll get off the path at times. Getting back on is a process that requires consistent practice.

Think of a cup filled with murky water. You could dump the water out, wash the cup, and refill it with clean water. Or, you could pour a stream of water into the cup and know that over time only clean water would fill the cup. It’s like this with negative thoughts both obvious in the conscious mind and buried in the subconscious mind. It isn’t very often someone is able to simply empty, wash, and refill when it comes to negative programming. The process for most of us is usually more like the second option, where we consistently add new, better thoughts that eventually flush out the murky ones. The thing is that we have to do this until it makes a difference, then keep doing it to maintain and expand our positive results.

What often messes with us is our impatience caused by tension. It can’t be emphasized enough: Stress and strain block energy and flow of good things to us; relaxed and trusting allows energy to flow and work as it should—in our best interest.

Keeping the faith may be a challenge at times, but we know that Faith + Relaxed = Desired Results (and even better ones).

Practice makes progress.

Do You Provide the Consciousness?

2011-05-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

This morning I was feeling low—apathetic even. I knew I needed something to lift me out of this funk I was in. And, something did.

I reached for my copy of The Science of Mind by Ernest Holmes and found this:

“We do not create. We use the Power of the One Mind, which creates for us. Law of life is a law of thought—an activity of consciousness—the Power flows through us. The Spirit can do for us only what It can do through us. Unless we are able to provide the consciousness, It cannot make the gift.”

What a powerful truth that last line is! It’s also one I know and one I can so easily forget when I slip into identifying more with effects I don’t like than how I caused them…especially when I don’t manage my thoughts as I should.

Then I listened to a recorded program given by Ann Taylor. She’s known as a healer for some of the big names in the motivational and metaphysical genres. I borrowed from what she did—she does an unusual kind of prayer on these calls and for her clients—and created my own.

I’d like to share mine with you, and I invite you to repeat it out loud to yourself each morning—or write your own and repeat it out loud each morning.

“Thank you, Creator, for imprinting my DNA and my conscious and subconscious mind with the Truth of creative energy and laws, and the faith to live them every day.
Thank you, Creator, for imprinting my DNA and my conscious and subconscious mind, going back seven generations, with the Truth of creative energy and laws, and the faith to live them every day.
Thank you, Creator, for removing any lack of faith in the Truth of creative energy and laws from my DNA and my conscious and subconscious mind, going back seven generations of my lineage, so that I live the Truth, in faith, every day.
Thank you, Creator.”

Challenges happen. But when they do, we have to remember what Holmes wrote: “The Spirit can do for us only what It can do through us. Unless we are able to provide the consciousness, It cannot make the gift.”

Practice makes progress.

Does Your Subconscious Insist That You Resist?

2011-05-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

Resistance is an automatic reaction to undesirables in your life. Resistance may seem natural, even right, but some instances of resistance cost you big-time.

Resistance creates more things to resist. It creates a constant stream of negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings expressed verbally, physically, or internally through health imbalances and uninspired life experiences.

Look at anything you resist in your life: status of relationships, finances, career, etc. If your desire is strong for anything to NOT be what it is, you are in Resistance. No matter what you do or say about it, this resistance will cause what you do not want anymore of to continue and possibly expand.

Note: You have a right and responsibility to NOT engage with anything or anyone you know you are better off without (negative people, news, events, etc.) when you can choose otherwise. And, as challenging as it may seem, you really can choose what you feel and therefore think, say, and do.

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." — Richard Buckminster Fuller

You can choose to release your insistence that something or someone in your life be different (insistence really does not work) and take action(s) required in and for your best interest, without being tense (tension does not shift anything). Doing this is a way to get your subconscious programming aligned with your conscious choices and actions.

One big resistance that may challenge you is to NOT include or allow any past experiences in the NOW. This is a challenge because your subconscious will play back tapes of previous struggles and will do this with lots of detailed images. This causes you to recall, focus on, and feel specific past struggles, as though they are happening in this moment. They are not. You may have present-moment matters to address, but past ones are over. They only affect the moment you’re in now if you allow them to.

As long as you believe those old tapes are your current reality—or react to them as though they are, you resist any positive present-moment shifts: “I HAVE to fear and feel THIS because I once (or more often) experienced THAT.” This approach blocks your good, and serenity, from coming to you. Your release of resistance gives the Universe permission to deliver your good; it allows serenity in.

You learned certain aspects of resistance from others who learned them as well. It is the tape your subconscious plays in its belief that this will help you survive. Your subconscious focuses on what helps you survive; your conscious mind focuses on what helps you thrive. You want them to work as a team, which means you have to NOT listen to old, negative tapes when they run. You want to create new tapes and run THEM.

Ernest Holmes wrote: “Healing, then, is accomplished by uncovering, neutralizing and erasing false images of thought, and letting the perfect idea reflect itself through subjective mind into the body. When one realizes that everything is Mind and that nothing moves but Mind . . . he will see that nothing can permanently heal unless it be accompanied by right thinking.” Healing can refer to anything in your self or your life or your business that you feel is not whole, healthy, joyful, and fulfilling.

Pay attention to when and how often you run such tapes and put right thinking into practice until it becomes natural to you, whatever time that takes. Practice self-observance rather than self-judgment as you move through this process. Self-judgment is a form of resistance. Practice makes progress.

Release the belief that you will (eventually) never repeat old patterns. Maybe that will happen and maybe it will not. Belief that you must never repeat them is . . . Resistance. It is more important you observe when you resist so you can consciously choose to embrace what you really want rather than emotionally engage what you don’t want.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

How Well Do You Manage When Your Routine Changes?

2011-05-11T08:30:00.000-07:00

Small and not-so-small changes in your routine can create either a speed bump or a bumpy road effect on your life. What do you do when that happens?

Quite a number of people I know experienced major life changes just before 2011, and after the year began. Were you one of them? Significant shifts and lesser ones create something in common: a change in routine of greater or lesser degree.

Often, we struggle a bit (or a lot) with even one small or moderate change to our routine. We become used to or complacent about our routines, even ones we are not necessarily happy about, or ones that may even cause us to feel miserable about ourselves or our lives.

Routines FEEL easier because they are familiar. They can be followed practically by rote, like how an experienced driver vs. a new one focuses on the act of driving and doing other things at the same time. Some routines help us stay organized and on time. Some prevent spontaneity in our days and lives, cause us to be inflexible. Some create negative or unpleasant outcomes.

Routines are why New Year’s resolutions are forgotten, or if not forgotten, not fulfilled. Sticking with even one change to a routine can feel difficult, even if it is desired. It can take a while before the new behavior feels and is as automatic as the old one was. It takes persistence and consistency to arrive at this point.

My relocation move and temporary dwelling eliminated nearly all of my routines. Unlike vacations or family visits where your routine being temporarily interrupted is a welcome change (hopefully), I had to accept and allow there was no return “home,” no return to most of what was familiar ahead of me. I’m fortunate that my arrangements were as favorable as they were. Others have had to start over after significant, devastating losses. My understanding of what that must be like for them has deepened.

The metaphysical or spiritual community often mentions surrender. When significant change occurs, how well you manage becomes a matter of how well you surrender your resistance to what now is, and go forward from there. It is a matter of surrender or suffer if you insist on resisting.

I realized the best approach for me was to surrender to the fact that so much of what was familiar and routine no longer existed; to observe what creates frustration and to look at that with self-honesty; and to notice which changes actually improve or enhance my daily and personal experiences. This requires self-honesty as well. It could be so easy to return to many of my previous routines (or reject new ones; temporary or not); and some of that, frankly, could easily block positive opportunities and desired outcomes from coming to me.

I pay attention to how much of my former routine should be included as I move forward, and how much of whom I’ve believed myself to be, as a result of my former routine, needs to be kept or discarded. It’s important I be true to my nature; but I need to be clear what the differences are between my true nature and my programmed beliefs or habitual routines. Keeping this in mind is helping me to manage myself through this transformative time. I also watch the stories I tell myself and use tools that I know work, to help me adjust my attitude and perceptions so that I open to desired opportunities and experiences.

Whether or not you are going through a change in your routine at this time, how you manage yourself through such a time is worthy of a few moments of your consideration. It can make the difference between being in flow or being stuck in resistance.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Do You Yell at the Movie Screen of Your Life?

2011-05-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

If you find you don’t like a movie, you don’t yell at the screen to change. But, is that what you do about your life?

I’d decided to use the Ho’oponopono method to work on old program tapes that run in my subconscious. If you’re going to aim at a target so you can hit it consistently, you need to practice and more than just a few times.

This can be uncomfortable because it means you have to face some unpleasant situations and treat them as the practice opportunities they are. You see, increasing consciousness isn’t so much about adding something as much as it is subtracting something. It’s about letting go of what holds you back. What usually holds you back is that you don’t see that what you’re doing holds you back.

A practice opportunity came when I spent two hours visiting with someone who complained the entire time. It was a non-stop negative stream of past hurts and how this person did that or didn’t do this. Nothing I offered made a difference. In fact, my efforts seem to amplify the situation.

During the two hours, I struggled with the Ho’oponopono technique, but kept repeating: I’m sorry, Divine, for whatever is in me that created this. Please forgive me for the image I hold of this person and of myself. Thank you for helping me to heal these images and for transmuting them into love. I love you and trust you to assist me with this for the highest good of all involved.

For the rest of that day and the next two days, every time I caught myself replaying that visit in my mind or memories of similar conversations, or complained to myself about the person, I’d stop and do the four statements in abbreviated form: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

It was genuinely astonishing to see how often I had to stop myself and repeat the four statements. I’d do this, and within seconds more tapes would start to run. After a while I said aloud, “Oh my God! I’m doing exactly what that person does.” The reflection wasn’t pretty.

It became clear that I was a projector running a film in my mind about the person. I cannot change the screen the film plays on, though that’s what I attempted during the visit; but I can deliberately decide not to play the film, especially over and over… and over.

All of this took real effort on my part. It took willingness to understand my part in all of it and a sincere desire to see what I was doing so I could do something else.

Think of some of your own challenges. What films are you projecting? Are they of struggle; ones that say you’re undeserving, unlovable, that life has to be difficult or that certain people have to be difficult? How often would you have to play these films before what you see on the screen is what you prefer to see? Right. It will never happen, if that’s how you address this.

You have to run better films if you want to see better images on the screen. You have to stop expecting the screen to change. This may not be easy. What is easier is to yell at or about the screen. It’s painful but easier than owning that we see the films we run.

Create and run films you prefer, even if you continue to modify them to improve them. Allow that it may (or may not) take a while for your projected image to get into focus and run smoothly on the screen. Watch that you don’t run a new film once then complain that this doesn’t work. Consider how often you run the negative ones and the results. This alone is evidence that it does work. Practice the same consistency with running better films as you have negative ones.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

What Does Your Happiness Depend On?

2011-04-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

If someone told you that you could be unconditionally happy, you would do whatever this took. Or, would you?

In Anthony De Mello’s book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, he wrote that it is challenging to be unconditionally happy because we fight it. Why do we fight it? We have expectations, some of which are realistic and some of which are not.

To be unconditionally happy (or even just happy most of the time), you have to let go of your dearly-held (or addiction to) expectations. That is not necessarily easy to do. Perhaps, without realizing it, you have, as De Mello wrote, a thought (belief) like, “You are my happiness. If I don’t get you, I refuse to be happy.”

That segment, “If I don’t get you,” is the clincher because the word YOU can represent anything. Think of what (or who) it is you desire and use the word or words in front of the word You that starts the quote. Example: (Wealth, love, success, power, control, etc.), you are my happiness. If I don’t get you, I refuse to be happy.”

It basically comes down to saying if you do not get what you want, expect, or demand, you REFUSE to be happy. You refuse to experience happiness amid What Is.

De Mello added that what we fight, we empower; that is, you give what you resist as much power as you use to fight it. And, you wonder why it does not shift; wonder why it or they do not change, rather than focus on changing yourself.

If you continue to consider anyone or anything the enemy or adversary, can you really expect your relationship with it (money, health, weight, life) or them to be anything other than an ongoing battle? You can do what you need to, to look after or protect yourself AND stop engaging the “enemy” in a fight.

When you resist What Is and insist it or they be the way you want, you bind yourself, in a negative way, to the lack of what you desire or demand, as though you put heavy shackles on your ankles. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you drag this weight, this result of your Insistence on Resistance, with you.

You can spring the lock on such shackles with a choice to let go of your attachment to this way of thinking and behaving, and pay attention to what YOU think, feel, say, and do that causes you to refuse to be happy until or unless what you are convinced must happen happens.

You behave this way because you were programmed to do so, because that was and still is the prevalent example all around you. It is the syndrome you have seen before, “I will be happy when…,” that keeps you miserable. You stay miserable because you continue to demand others and your material reality change rather than empower yourself to understand how reality truly operates, and then practice this.

When you let go of resistance and observe yourself, others, and the smaller and bigger picture, What Is shifts, and often without any more effort than what is described here. You often call this witnessing a miracle. This is a universal law: what you give you get more of. Give resistance, you get more to resist. Give fear, you get more to fear. Give trust to the universe in all things, you get more evidence of why that works.

You have been brainwashed to believe you have to control or take control of your reality, when what is required is for you to recognize you are in a synergistic relationship with reality.

De Mello wrote, “Come home to yourself. Observe yourself. That’s why I said earlier that self-observation is such a delightful and extraordinary thing. After a while you don’t have to make any effort, because, as illusions begin to crumble, you begin to know things that cannot be described. It’s called happiness. Everything changes and you become addicted to awareness.”

When you choose awareness over illusion, stress and strain diffuse, as will anger. The path to happiness requires you challenge your entire belief system . . . to seek the CURE, which may or may not be painful, rather than just relief from the painful result of your illusions.

You can call it Law of Attraction or call it common sense; what you call Awareness does not matter. That you call it into your life and way of being does matter.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

How Can Judgment Serve Us?

2011-04-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

If you have ever attempted to shift from judgment to non-judgment, you may have found that challenging. It is because something important was missing.

There are two types of judgment: self-judgment and judgment of everything and everyone else. Judgment can serve us, if we know how to let it.

Judgment, in regard to laws, rules, and regulations, is in place in an effort to restore balance when an action creates too great a contrast; that is, exceeds an acceptable level of contrast and impacts others in a negative way or has the potential to do so. Nearly seven billion people on the planet have been exposed to different cultures and beliefs, as well as have unique personalities, so will, understandably, find it a challenge to behave as a homogenous society. Contrasts will happen.

The important missing aspect is that judgment of the self, others, or a situation is like a neon sign flashing the words “Contrast Exists Here” and, what that actually means for us. Whenever anything contrasts with our perception of how we, another, or a situation “should” be, we turn to our familiar “friend,” judgment. Being in a judgmental state about others or situations, lets us believe we are what we deeply want to feel: that we are in the right. We fear being in the wrong or incorrect.

In past writings I said it is important to release self-judgment. My thinking has shifted about this for a specific reason: it is a worthy goal, but there is a step that needs to be taken to get there. Plus, non-judgment may not mean what you think it does (keep reading for a different definition). When self-judgment is triggered, it alerts us to the fact that something we believe about ourselves needs exploration, that a truth or personal truth waits for us to discover it and understand how it fits, or doesn’t, into our PERCEPTION of reality, including how we perceive ourselves.

The next time you feel judgmental about yourself, another, or a situation, ask what the contrast is that you feel. Let the contrast reveal an important message to you. That is its purpose.

Contrasts can assist you to discern a perception vs. a truth or personal truth. Consider the not-enough-information syndrome. Have you ever jumped to an assumption and believed you were looking at the whole truth, only to discover or realize later that you were not? “Do I have enough information to justify my judgment” is a question you might write down and put where you can easily see it.

Anthony De Mello wrote in his book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, that we do not like to admit we are not always right. When we discover we are wrong, or know we are, it is uncomfortable because we (and others) hold a judgment that it is a form of failure to be wrong or incorrect, rather than a part of life and learning and growing. Contrasts are opportunities to expand our awareness.

So, I now modify my statement to release self-judgment and suggest you practice easing up about judging that you judge. Also ease up on your attachment to how you believe self-judgment is “supposed” to be experienced and processed. Allow any form of judgment you feel to communicate what it wants you to discover about YOU.

It is tempting (and programmed in us) to believe contrasts are about others or situations, and that the solution or resolution is for “them” to change. Action taken because of this belief is like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles: you go nowhere and you repetitively cover the same ground, deepening the rut you are in as you go. You keep your focus on the shoe and miss the fact that you are the one keeping your foot in it, and that only you can remove your foot (discover and understand the message for you and about you in the contrast) from the shoe (the contrast, which is a manifested reflection of what is going on inside of you).

See if this different definition of non-judgment resonates for you: no old programs, tapes, or memories running. How do you do this? Ihaleakala Hew Len of Ho’oponopono fame and co-author of the book, Zero Limits, wrote, “Peace begins with me. My problems are memories replaying in my subconscious.” Think about this and see where it leads you; see what it reveals to you and for you. Dr. Hew Len describes how to do this in the book, if you are intrigued enough to learn more.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Is Your Focus on the Target or the Prize?

2011-04-08T11:35:00.000-07:00

The article title asks an important question. The one you focus on has everything to do with not only your outcome but your experience reaching it.

In his book, Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality, Anthony De Mello quotes Chinese sage Tranxu: “When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him. He cares! He thinks more of winning than of shooting, and the need to win drains him of power.”

This is a conundrum for many, though its presence usually escapes our awareness. This can happen in a variety of ways. Here are two examples.

Money

Say you feel a financial pinch (or not) and decide to offer a product, service, or workshop. Maybe it is something you already created or you create something new. The Prize is how much money you might get; perhaps, even recognition and referrals. Your Target is to provide something that solves a problem for people or enhances their lives. Re-read Tranxu’s words and think about how this might affect your energy, attitude, actions, and ultimate results in such a situation.

Are you relaxed and confident about using your skills, talents, or knowledge to assist others, with serving them as one motivator and growing yourself as another? If so, whatever your initial results are, they will expand. You will expand.

If your eyes (emotional energies) are on the prize, you will contract instead of expand. Your potential clients or customers will contract away from you, and so will your desired results. You will focus on aspects that lead you away from your true path.

Let go of any tendency to compare yourself and your desired results to others and their results, as this is another form of Eyes on the Prize.

Relationships

Consider the difference between having your target be a loving, joyful relationship with your right partner, and allowing that to arrive and unfold in your life vs. considering a specific individual as your prize. How will you think, feel, speak, and act in the first scenario vs. the second? Which scenario is imbued with ease and which with emotional upset and drama?

You could say a true target leads to expansion of your inner knowing and larger awareness. This type of focus results in not just some or many sought-after prizes coming to you, but inner and outer gifts from the Universe arrive, as well. These gifts are not rewards; they are results of Cause and Effect, according to the laws of the spiritual universe.

If your target is to BE more, which causes you to offer and contribute more, you will focus on what helps you create this. Results will come to you because this is how IT works.

You can certainly be aware your desired prize is out there and still put your primary focus on your true target. If your focus is primarily on the prize, you can bet you will experience one or more of these: worry, anxiety, jealousy, lack of confidence (or arrogance), overwork, loss of energy, depression, loss of sleep, money fears, harsh self-judgment, and the list goes on. Your results will be less than desired or none, because this is also according to the laws of the spiritual universe.

This Target or Prize focus can be applied to anything in your life. It is a good question to ask whenever you feel any emotions other than serenity, confidence, or happiness. But, it is also important to identify your True Target, which is always an inner one. Inner always creates outer. Outer always reflects inner.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks (Lulu.com). Benefit from empowering articles & Extras, and learn how Your Personality Blueprint can clear obstacles from your life, in her free weekly newsletter at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Two Proven Tips to Create a Better New Year

2011-01-01T06:04:00.000-08:00

Need a systematic Law of Attraction approach to have clarity and focused energy about what you intend for your life or your business in 2011? Here are two proven tips that will help you.

We are about to start not only a new year, but a new decade. I feel certain a great many of us are ready to put aspects of the past several years behind us and create a new-and-improved, fresher start, whatever that means for us.

If you use what is provided here, I ask you to keep the following in mind:

• Whatever you desire for work, finance, family, personal development, spiritual development, social and intimate relationships, fun, and health does not have to fulfill the desires others have for you or may try to impose on you, but does need to fulfill the desires you have for yourself.
• The power to use your mind on your behalf is far stronger (and more effective) than you, likely, practice consistently. (See Tip 2.)
• We frustrate ourselves with a non-serving belief that we are in CONSCIOUS control of everything. Even I could argue the point that we are ultimately in control, but that’s a different article for another time. My point is that our infinite selves and Source are collaborators on our ego-aspect’s behalf—meaning the aspect we are aware of that is experiencing our personal reality. We get into some really awful feelings when our greater path and purpose is directed from the infinite side of our human self and we find that what our ego-aspect thinks it wants doesn’t happen. There is always a reason.
• Keep in mind that there’s a difference between control and flow. You may say you want to be in flow, but do you trust Source and your infinite self that fully, or can you shift into that trust when it seems life has placed something unexpected into your life?

Tip 1

To create an Order Form, you need columns on a sheet of paper or on your computer as recommended here.

First column: Write what you don’t want (NOT feelings). Example: I don’t want people in my life who don’t value (or compensate) me; to overwork myself or be overworked by someone else. Or, I don’t want a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable. Make this list, and the ones that follow, as long as each needs to be.

It has been said that you should not focus on what you don’t want. The key words are FOCUS ON, meaning to play over and over in your mind because you are afraid something will be your reality. I’m asking you to do something else, to step out of denial, because what you don’t want is in your subconscious and will benefit from being extracted from inside of you by writing it down. If you don’t get these out, they whisper in your ear, so to speak, because they need to be heard and dealt with.

Second column: List what you don’t want to feel, like afraid, unsuccessful, overworked, undervalued, unsuccessful, confused, etc.).

Third column: Put down what you do want, like a certain number of new clients a month who pay on time and are delighted to do so, creation of your business or project to feel and be effortless, or to meet people who share important common interests.

Fourth column: List what you do want to feel, like valued, appreciated, respected, confident, on purpose, fulfilled, etc.).

Fifth column: Write your WHY . . . why you want what you believe or know you do. Let your WHY talk to you. A clear WHY generates inspired ideas and actions. A clear WHY causes you to feel enthusiasm or passionate commitment, or both. And, it’s very different from the energy of “It would be nice.”

Sixth column: Write how you will feel once you have this or something even better.

Seventh column: How will others feel once you have this? How will new clients feel when they work with you as a confident, fulfilled person? How will the person you move into a relationship with feel about being around you, especially if you are happy with yourself and your life?

Eighth column: Create a supportive statement (affirmation) that helps your energy about this like, “I want to believe that I can . . .” You want a true statement that does not trigger your other voice that doubts, and also doesn’t put pressure on you to believe more than you are able to at this moment.

Ninth column: Maybe one or more next actions come to you; write these down. If not, write to Source (or your word for the Infinite) to be shown one or more next actions. Then do something else, and watch how fast ideas or opportunities come to you.

Tip 2

Every night and several times during the day repeat, “While I sleep, I have dreams that cause me to have energy and enthusiasm, financial serenity and abundance, and freedom from stress, as my way of life; and this allows me to assist others to have the same, as appropriate. And so it is.”

Tip 1 is effective for obvious reasons. Use it for 2011, but it will work for the next decade, as well. Tip 2 is incredibly effective, as I have been experiencing in my own life. If you use either or both, you give yourself the opportunity to use your mind power in ways that are dynamic and provide quick results.

I’m relocating in a few weeks, so will not publish during the relocation and new set-up time period. I wish you a wonderful new year and a new year filled with wonders.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Announcement of my move

2010-12-31T10:16:00.000-08:00

I’m returning to the South, to the land of moss-draped oak trees and where life moves at a more relaxed pace, though imbued with its own creative and productive energy.

I find it interesting that the best day to let you know about my move is on the last day of this year, which also happens to be my birthday. It’s something of an ending and a beginning wrapped into one.

It’s been an adventure living in NYC. Since landing at LaGuardia Airport on Sunday, September 17, 2000, I
• Worked for a “Nose” who determined the scent of everything from deodorant to Dior. At the start of the fourth month there, I developed a serious case of pneumonia. It was a hard hit, physically, and I had to resign for an extended recovery time; and it also exacerbated a pre-existing condition I still contend with.
• Worked for three years at a non-profit created by the actor Paul Newman. He was delighted when I told him I was from where he’d filmed “The Drowning Pool,” and he shared stories of his time there.
• Experienced September 11.
• Watched NYC Marathons just a few blocks from my apartment instead of on TV.
• Trained as a life empowerment coach with iPEC, met and made friends with some truly amazing people, discovered how much I love the powerfully transformative coaching process, and how working with ideal clients enhances both our life experiences. Happily, because coaching takes place on the phone, I’ll be able to resume with clients as soon as I am established in a new residence.
• Assisted new writers as a freelance developmental editor, to create their first fiction or non-fiction books/e-books (and other projects). My copies of their books are definitely going with me. My genuine enjoyment of this work makes me appreciate the Internet and how easy it is to do everything online. Client testimonials about working with me feel really good (okay, great!). **Clients whose manuscripts are scheduled to be started on in January: as soon as my computer is set up and running on DSL, we can get started. I’ll email you (please keep reading to learn about the possible time frame).
• Wrote and published my first book (still receives outstanding reviews), followed by a second one and a series of e-books.
• Was invited by the then-editor of United Press International’s Religion and Spirituality Forum to become a weekly columnist after he read my first book. This began my weekly online publishing process on their site and others. It’s a thrill (and an honor) when a site owner or newsletter publisher emails a request for me to become one of their site’s regular article writers, or to receive an email from an appreciative reader.
• Started my own weekly newsletter, read by people in so many countries it surprises me (and fulfills me). Creating each new issue is a highpoint of my week.
• Made friendships and associations that enhanced my experience (and created potential opportunities that, happily, aren’t affected by my move—the Internet, again), and had some incredible times with remarkable people. I leave with a treasure trove of memories.
• Saw some truly gorgeous areas of the Northeast.
• Received a life and self education I could never, and in some instances, would never have planned—though each was a valuable part of my experience.

A friend sent me Chris Guillbeau’s book, “The Art of Non-Conformity.” I found this quote in his book that relates to my feelings about this major moment in my life: “Perform an instant gut check: yes or no? If you have a bad feeling about something, say no. If you feel slightly intimidated but also excited, say yes.”

Making this move has been on my mind for months. Then a dear, long-time friend made an offer on the morning of Christmas Eve that I not only couldn’t refuse, but knew was sent directly from the Universe or Source, or whatever word you use for the Infinite. My soul/spirit/gut knew I was making the move—the right move. It took a few more days for my ego-mind to get on board and for my mouth to utter “Yes,” even though I began a rigorous de-cluttering process that day. There are even moments when it all feels crazy.

Just as Source planted the seed that took root and propelled me quickly to NYC a decade ago, I’m being propelled even faster back South. I don’t have the exact date, but I should be heading back or already there by mid-January.

I’ll be staying at my friend’s house, while I look for and set up my own place. It could take a month, or either side of that, to get settled in and set up. This means State of Appreciation will be on vacation until that time, and it’s the same for my other business activities. However, you can keep up with progress reports on my Blog at http://youaremoreempowermentcoach.blogspot.com/ or connect with me on Facebook. I’m certain I can use someone’s computer to check email as often as possible, but my usual activities will be on hold or limited, and resumed once I’ve gotten everything arranged.

Obviously, I’m going to be busy getting everything organized between now and the departure date; so if you contact me and I don’t respond right away, that’s why. Email is best, as I type a lot faster than most phone conversations take. Time is at a premium now. Email will be checked daily until I pack my computer.

I repeat: thank goodness for the Internet! I will miss my close and closest friendships here (and the pups that I am an auntie to). Phones, emails, Facebook, and emailed/mailed photos will soften that separation somewhat—but only somewhat. At the same time, I’m returning to family and dear friends, including some new friends there I’ve met online only and will now be able to meet in person.

I will miss the stunning view from my windows, the convenience of being in short walking distance to anything I need, and especially the warm evenings shared with my dear friends on Winnie’s porch—the best porch anywhere. I’m grateful to my friend who created an image (that is going with me) of Winnie’s wonderful house and porch.

I welcome how much easier it is to get certain things accomplished where I’m going. I welcome being in the same place as my friend who is in all ways my dearest sister.

A number of my friends are making big moves in their lives at this time. I’m in good company, as we all move into a new year, new decade, and next phase of our lives.

I wish you a wonderful New Year and a new year filled with wonders,
Joyce (Or, the Universe may surprise me and reveal I just needed a real good declutter session and I'm to stay here... but I think that's unlikely.)

Do You Focus on Being Positive?

2010-12-24T08:36:00.000-08:00

Who wouldn’t like to be in a positive state of mind all the time?! How’s that worked for you so far?

Despite your best efforts, it’s likely that staying in a positive state of mind all the time hasn’t been your reality. Here’s an important tip about this: it isn’t realistic. So, you might want to ease up on yourself about this.

A good reason to ease up about it is that if you focus on forcing yourself to be positive all the time or believe you should be, it actually means you perceive yourself as mostly NOT positive, which means you energize being in a negative state. This creates inner struggle and self-judgment that shows up in your outer experiences as less-positive moments and events. This is just not fun! Self-judgment or beating up on yourself is NOT the vibration you want Law of Attraction to match. It also means your focus is on how you think you should be rather than on what will move you forward, which is like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles. You do a great deal of spinning in place, but go nowhere.

Too often, spirituality-based people believe they shouldn’t experience the full scope of our human emotions. How authentic is that, really? You don’t have to run amok; but you aren’t supposed to live in denial either. There is something you can do when you’re in a negative state: you can use a proven method to shift this a bit or a lot. Even a bit is better than none. An attitude improved even a small amount opens your mind and life to possibilities.

This is especially important if you feel any sense of strain or stress in your life and/or business. You can use one of the six methods offered below any time you feel your energy needs to be calmed, smoothed, soothed, or charged up. You’ll find the following methods are great ways to open your mind and get head-and-heart alignment about what the next step is in any situation. It’s important to start from where you are so you can figure out where to go next. The foundation of Self Energy Management is to know you CAN manage it.

Six Methods to Shift Your Energy and Emotions

1. Write the story of what you feel is happening. Scale how triggered you feel, with 1 being “Not much at all” and 10 being “Completely overwhelmed.” I used this with an angry friend. She said she was at an 8. Next, we scaled what had made her angry, with 1 being “Somewhat inconvenient” and 10 being “Completely devastating”. She ranked it a 3. She was giving level 8 energy to something she ranked a 3. Her expression was a Kodak moment.

2. What do you think is working now? Why is it working? What’s not quite right yet? What would make it more right? How do you want to feel? What might your next action be, to feel more of how you want to feel?

3. Create a statement that allows you to move closer to how you want to feel. Think of this as a bicycle you’re walking along a path. When you find the right statement, you’ll be able to put your foot on the pedal and hop on. “I feel better,” may be too much too soon. “I could feel better” may work or may still be too much. It’s okay. You’re looking for the statement that let’s you get onto the bike and ride it. What about, “I want to believe I can feel better”? Maybe, “I want to believe I can believe I can feel better,” is the one where you feel your foot on the pedal. Remember, no judgment. Honest answers allow you to create the first shift.

4. Ask questions like: What do I intend to do in this moment? How can I help myself do this? What can I do for myself right now? What are my choices (inner and/or outer levels)? What can I learn? How can I grow from here? What do I feel right now? How do I prefer to feel? What stops me from feeling this way now? In everyday matters, what usually stops you from feeling the way you prefer is your choice to do so. And, check to see if you’re giving level-8 energy to a level-3 issue.

5. Write down what you don’t want (I don’t want to be undervalued and underpaid; I don’t want a partner who doesn’t listen to me). Some might say that if you practice Law of Attraction, this is not the thing to do. However, your DON’T WANTS are floating around in your mind, so you might as well give them the voice you’ve been denying them. Get them all out, every last one of them. Next, ask yourself what you don’t want to feel (afraid, insecure, etc.). Let loose. Write it all down. Now, what do you want (getting new and repeat clients to be effortless, meeting my ideal partner to be effortless, etc.)? Write and don’t censor. Next, what do you want to feel (in flow, abundant, successful)? Last, write a letter and tell Spirit what you want and why. Ask Spirit to show you how to open to receive this or what your next step is.

6. You suffer over most matters because of a belief. Often, the belief is, “This shouldn’t be happening.” “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” What core belief do you have about your issue or situation? Does this belief serve you? How does this belief manifest in your life? How do you feel about this? Ask yourself if you feel okay about making even a small shift now. Think of a similar time when you had a similar feeling (it doesn’t have to be a similar matter or situation, just that you felt similarly then to how you do now), and it worked out. How did you manage yourself or work that one out? Maybe you used an inner process, an outer process, or both. What worked then and how can you use what you did then now?

You now have a better idea of why you don’t want to try to force a positive state or why it’s important not to feel less when you do not feel positive. But you do want to pay attention to how often you use negative statements, even as a form of humor. The Universal Quantum Field doesn’t get that you’re trying to be funny through sarcasm. It takes each and every one of your comments as an instruction to fulfill or a feeling to match.

Shifting your energy allows you to shift your vibration so you attract something else, something better. When you are in a positive state, enjoy and make the most of it. When you aren’t, as soon as you’re ready, shift it.

Just remember to ease up on yourself. Recognize realistic expectations and goals and unrealistic ones. It’s healthy and natural to challenge yourself to grow. It’s self-defeating to expect yourself to always be in a positive state of mind as you move through your process of inner and outer growth. You will, however, experience positive shifts if each night before you go to sleep, you repeat five times, “As I sleep, I have dreams that cause me to have energy and enthusiasm, financial serenity and abundance, and freedom from stress, as my way of life. And so it is.”

[Excerpts from: Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business, available at Lulu.]

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Which Expectations Did You Inherit?

2010-12-21T11:04:00.001-08:00

You know it’s important to identify and shift limiting beliefs, but how can you more easily identify the more subtle ones you inherited? One sure way is to look carefully at your expectations.

As a child, and even now, you learn and absorb beliefs about everything, limiting or not, by hearing them, through observing the actions of others, and energetically . . . because we ARE able to perceive the subconscious energy patterns of each other. And, you deliberately and successfully shift some beliefs. All beliefs become expectations; and many of them are quite subtle. They make their appearance, often in a flash, and are likely dismissed by you just as quickly.

In discussions about Law of Attraction, you are told desire is a key element. You already desire a great many things you still do not have. If desire alone did it, you would have it. One reason you do not have some of these desires is because what you EXPECT blocks them. Desire IS important, but expectation is far more important.

Let’s get something significant covered: there is a greater plan at work for you and your life that your soul has a commitment to fulfill while you are here. If you try to avoid your soul purpose or aim at something that will not fulfill it, you will bump into proverbial brick walls set up to get you back on track, however long that takes. We too often follow what ego craves, or expectations of others, rather than what our soul came here to do. When a desire isn’t fulfilled, it’s important to discover if this is because it does not match your soul purpose or because of expectations that block its fulfillment.

You can assist your soul purpose and create more desirable experiences by getting clear about the expectations you carry. Desire is a form of energy: a mental exercise. Expectation is creative energy in action. Expectations come in two flavors, so-to-speak: What you really expect to happen and the expectations you hold about yourself, both of which are likely, primarily subconscious.

You can uncover negative expectations by stating what you desire, or an affirmation about it, and pay attention to what your inner voice says immediately afterwards. The voice will either support or refute the possibility of what you desire ever happening. This voice repeats what you learned and absorbed from others about how life works, or how life for someone of your social-, income-, or education-level (gender, age, etc.) works.

Then there are the expectations you hold about yourself. These come from comments, observed actions, and energetic beliefs others held about you that were communicated to you and then carried by you into your experiences, past and current (and future), and have more power over you than any affirmation or action you take.

Set aside time to list expectations you’ve carried about yourself and about your life. Example: If you’re a woman, and depending on your age, you may have been raised with the expectation that your husband would support you financially; and, maybe your reality is that you either have to or have chosen to support yourself. Can you see the potential contrasts and conflicts that could come up for you about this and how they may defeat your success and joy in doing this? If you’re a man, what expectations were placed on you about making a living and making a life, or expected behaviors?

Contrasts that create current confusions can be found in your personality blueprint. If you carry expectations that demand you feel and do things that are not in your blueprint, you will feel like you’re on a hamster wheel going nowhere, or not far, or even backwards. You may be expected by others, or may expect yourself, to be someone who goes into the world like a powerhouse and does things in a particular way; yet, your blueprint may show that to succeed and be fulfilled you need to follow a very different path; or the reverse may be true for you. This and other such contrasts create tremendous stress, frustration, and feelings of being a failure that do not have to be your experience.

"Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It's a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do." - Neale Donald Walsch

Walsch’s quote reaches into the heart of the matter; though, I’d add knowing the foundation of who you are needs to be included. Your blueprint can be your soul-felt guide about your true nature and expression, what works best to lead you to success in every area of your life. You can enhance choices, decisions, and how you fulfill your life vision and purpose by shedding negative expectations you carry and trusting what you discover or already know about how you can best express who you authentically are and came here to be. You can become comfortable and confident “in your own skin.”

You don’t have to start the new year with expectations that have not served you so far. Give yourself some time to list as many expectations as come up for you. Pause when they surface and look at them. Ask yourself how they influence your choices, as well as how you feel about yourself and your life. Feel your truth and write these truths down so you can refer back to them.

Go through your blueprint to see where contrasting self-expectations show up and what is revealed about your truest form of expression in all areas of your life, and let this guide you and what you expect. Compare your blueprint with that of your spouse or partner to discover subtle contrasts and what to do about them, and shift unsupportive expectations imposed on each other. See what the blueprint of your child or children shows you about how to help them grow into fulfilled, self-reliant adults. Expand appreciation of yourself and significant others in your life.

Appropriate supportive expectations create desired results.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Reveal what your soul wants to express through Your Personality Blueprint. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

What Are the Differences Between Soul Needs and Ego Needs?

2010-12-17T11:37:00.001-08:00

We are souls in physical form, and we have an ego that is meant to serve us in specific ways. Frustration happens when we get their needs confused (or ignore them) rather than have them work together.

Let’s look at some ways to differentiate between ego needs and soul needs.

Ego serves us in ways that move us to take actions in our daily lives, actions meant to keep us alive and, hopefully, thriving. Ego seeks to feel a certain way, often motivated by material demands that originate outside of our soul desires; and this need leads to good choices and not so good ones. It follows logic, sometimes self-logic that desires to avoid pain at all times, rather than our emotional heart. It speaks to us in ways like, “Gotta make a change!” From ego, we may sometimes be forceful in striving for and achieving our aims.

Soul does not respond to force. It recognizes that painful or unpleasant emotions are facets of all we are capable of feeling, like needed colors in a rainbow. Soul knows we are always in flow, that our experiences have purpose for us; and its aim is for us to thrive as whole beings within the bigger picture of life. It asks us to pay attention to everything we think, feel, say, and do or don’t do. It asks us to seek what fulfillment means for us in all things, to listen to what our emotional heart tells us. Soul speaks to us through our emotional heart using intuition and positive and negative feelings. Negative feelings are as much a part of our soul-self’s communication system as positive ones.

Mainstream dissuades us from remembering that our emotional heart is another form of intelligence we possess, one that knows us intimately; whereas logic focuses on what the (usually fearful) ego wants. Ego wants to fill any void with whatever it believes will make it feel good or better. Soul wants us to empty out what no longer belongs inside us and to feel our way to what it is that truly needs to occupy that space as what will allow us to express our true selves. What fills our ego needs may not fill our soul needs. What fills our soul needs takes care of our ego needs.

Ego believes power comes from winning, from creating and having positive experiences. Soul knows the truth of our power and seeks to integrate our inner and outer power through learned wisdom into a desired collaboration between soul and ego as a way of life. Soul knows nothing is lacking, and it strives to remind us of this through sadness, frustration, depression, serenity, and joyful appreciation . . . so that we seek the truth and live from it.

Ego says, “Get rid of any negative feeling immediately.” Soul says, “Be with your feelings in a gentle way so you can get quiet and hear my message.”

Ego pushes us to look outside ourselves to define who we are. Soul asks us to know ourselves and to fearlessly reveal who we are to others through our words and actions, our talents and abilities, our visions and goals. Ego says, “I don’t love who I am, so I have to pretend to be what I believe will be acceptable.” Soul says, “No pretense ever lasts. Be who you are, who you came here to be, just as you are now and are becoming.” Ego says, “Fake it till you make it.” Soul says, “Start where you are and evolve deliberately.”

Ego wants emptiness filled in a hurry because it cannot tolerate it. Soul knows that the fastest way to fill emptiness is to allow emptiness, to surrender the ego needs about it when it shows up, and appreciate whatever value and guidance it presents. Your soul knows that appreciation of what is, is always responded to with more to appreciate. Balance of soul and ego happens when we align our inner perspective with ego’s ability to take action that’s in our best interest and for our higher evolution.

As you move through this holiday season, and as we approach not only a new year but a new decade, consider exploring how to create collaboration and alignment between ego and soul, with thriving as their common goal for you, and see what gets created from it.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to reprint this article as long as you use my bio as it is published here.

Reveal what your soul wants. Order Your Personality Blueprint today from Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Do the Gurus Confuse You?

2010-12-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

If you desire or feel desperate for change, you may seek out one or more gurus to help you move forward. But what if their message creates a contrast for or confuses you?

I like to listen to what the gurus have to say about . . . nearly everything! I’m curious and a committed life-long learner. However, sometimes aspects of their messages (especially about success) are quite different from each other, or something in me, and I wonder if this is confusing for other listeners.

The other day, I listened to a well-known, well-respected success guru whose information was valuable. Then he said to succeed we have to work day and night and weekends. This really tweaked me because working that way contrasts with my physical reality, and as I know, is not in my personality blueprint. Been there, done that, got ill from it.

I thought, “What about others who have less natural energy than his advice requires? How will they feel when they hear this?” They’ll likely feel like failures or lazy, when they’re not. It’s also what could be called a masculine approach. You can find online my article “Does Gender Influence Prosperity?” to see how a masculine approach to life and business can negatively impact women’s lives and health (and even some men).

Another success guru I listened to the next day said her business and life improved dramatically as soon as she stopped working as much as she had been, and began to give herself three days off each week. I thought about those people whose blueprints are high energy and how this kind of approach might frustrate them, and the relief (permission to be) it might bring to those with less natural energy.

Which guru is right? Did you resonate with one more than the other—not just agree, but really resonate? There’s a reason for this resonance.

Each of us has a unique blueprint, which means your core nature is what it is. Frustration happens when you attempt to go against your core nature or believe there’s something wrong with how your core nature needs to be expressed.

The two gurus mentioned here don’t intend to confuse anyone; they have their own blueprint natures, and they’re going to share with others what works for them. Here’s a valuable tip: any strategic information a guru offers is what you want to pay attention to. Any advice anyone gives that contrasts with your blueprint (your true nature) is something you need to give a different level of consideration to.

However, even strategic information needs to take your blueprint characteristics into account, because if you do what’s recommended in a way that isn’t natural for you . . . yup, more frustration, more of what makes you feel like a failure . . . and is preventable, if you know what your unique blueprint requires.

How you work best; how you relate to others in your closest, social, and professional relationships; your natural level of energy and more is revealed in your blueprint. Some of what’s there, you’ve already discovered or are aware of on some level and has been made obvious through your life experiences. And it’s likely you’ve tweaked certain characteristics to make them more compatible with your life.

When you need ideas and solutions for life and/or business, it’s a good idea to research and give other people’s strategies a chance. You already know there’s a great deal of information available to you, enough to confuse you, in fact. So, when it comes down to how you apply their strategies to experience your life or which ones to choose, it’s best if you refer to your own soul’s blueprint, the most accurate foundation of your being.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Reveal what your soul wants. Order Your Personality Blueprint today from Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Do You Feel Empty or Full?

2010-12-10T11:23:00.000-08:00

Perhaps you have certain feelings or longings that are vague, or sharp. These are callings from your soul, drawing attention to areas of you that need to be filled.

At one time or another, you may feel one or more of the following:
-Depressed or at least that you could feel happier
-Desirous of more meaning in and for your life
-As though there is a void inside you and you don’t know how to fill it
-Disillusioned about life and relationships
-(Your own longing here)

Just as a desire (different from a wish) to do or be something means you have the capacity to achieve it, so does feeling a sense of longing mean your soul craves fulfillment and full expression. You, as so many do, may look to satisfy this longing from outside of yourself with more of something: money, material objects, sex, control, a perfect job, a perfect relationship, and so on. Perhaps you get these and discover you still feel empty. There’s a reason for this.

We’ve confused meeting our soul’s needs with solving what we call problems in our lives (more money, material objects, sex, control, a perfect job, a perfect relationship, and so on). Somewhere along the way, we’ve brainwashed ourselves (with the help of others who are also brainwashed in this way) that a proper life is problem-free, perfect. You are a soul having a physical experience, and you did not come here to have a problem-free, “perfect” experience. You came here to expand the depth of who you are; and to do this you must move through a depth of experiences and glean from them the value they hold for you so you can expand how you feel about your experience of being.

Your soul (your true nature) is a quality as much as it is an entity, so it (you) seeks experiences to enhance the quality of your life—the one you live inside your self. You can expand your understanding of this if you think of what the term Soul Food means: food that nourishes and pleases your physical and emotional senses, your sense of community, your memories. Soul Food provides a specific quality of experience. You go to a Soul Food restaurant deliberately to have such an experience. So does your soul enter a physical life for the same reason.

We confuse ourselves with the belief that life would be what it’s “supposed” to be if it were free of what troubles us. Yet, inside each trouble, problem, or issue is a message from our soul and the answer that will satisfy it. We rush to get rid of anything we label negative rather than look at it, which would help us discover more about ourselves in a way that would further nurture and feed our souls. This exploration and its positive results, rather than denial, is a primary reason life coaching is now such an integral part of our society’s evolution. Coaching doesn’t dwell on issues, but dives into them just long enough to find the root and pull it up painlessly. Trimming weeds never gets rid of them; you must deal with them from the root, give them a relatively quick yank from the soil. Not addressing troubling issues that hold our attention is a form of soul deprivation.

Let’s look at the feeling that your life isn’t as meaningful as you believe it can or should be. That emptiness is your soul’s message to discover what IS meaningful for you and to include it in your life. An empowering question to ask about this or anything you feel you lack within is, “Can you feel a desire for more meaning (or whatever) WITHOUT feeling disempowered?”

We tend to latch onto the feeling of disempowerment when facing issues. But are we ever truly disempowered? No. And, what do we avoid when we feel disempowered? We avoid experiencing more of what would fill us: more often than not, giving and receiving more love and care to ourselves and others. “I’m discontent so I HAVE to be rude (or some other negative expression of our discontented, fearful selves),” is how we justify certain behaviors that never bring our ultimately-desired results.

You cannot have light without shadow or darkness. You can shine light into shadows and darkness in order to see what’s really there. More often that not, what we find there is a BELIEF that we can’t deal with or won’t want to see what lurks there. A belief is not a solid thing, though it creates real experiences in our minds and oftentimes in our lives. What you entertain or thrash in your mind is what your brain believes is actually happening, and it responds with either good feelings or bad ones that create good experiences or bad ones, first at the inner then eventually the outer levels.

What can you do for this symptom of the soul? Be fully where you are rather than in a regretful past or anxious future. Choose to live each moment with an open mind and heart, trusting that you can adjust as needed, trusting that you are always empowered just by being. You can live your moments differently, deliberately, which can bring you through any situation with conscious awareness and the ability to see and use the soul value of it.

Denial is how you alienate yourself from your life and the fullness you might create in it. Denial keeps you from discovering your true nature and its strengths and beauties, then expressing these in your life. What does any level of suffering reveal to you? The answer will never be found in avoidance, only in a caring conversation with your soul self.

This approach not only can enrich your life and soul experience, but you can offer this to others as well. What will support you is to accept that you (and others) are in progress at all times. Let go of the belief that you are supposed be perfect. That isn’t what your soul seeks. Listen to your soul’s whispers and shouts for what needs filling, address these in the moment you’re in, and you’ll begin to feel emptiness being filled.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to reprint this article as long as you use my complete bio.

Shift self-sabotaging behaviors & discover your authentic self through Your Personality Blueprint with Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

The Big Question for Many: Who Am I, Really?

2010-12-07T11:57:00.001-08:00

It seems a minority of people feel genuinely at home in their skin, know who they are and how to go after what they want, and live as their authentic selves. Why is this?

Let’s look at where things go off track for the others. We have a perplexing set-up as human beings: We come into our lives to be individualized expressions of our unique selves AND are completely dependent on others to meet our basic needs, for a period of time; and hopefully they meet more than just the basics. After a certain age, we still need others to fulfill the various aspects of our lives.

As we grow up, we find we have certain likes and dislikes and certain feelings, all or some of which are either supported or discouraged by others, who are initially our caregivers; then others are included as our circle of others expands. It’s either implicit or explicit that if we want acceptance from particular family members or the family unit (and beyond that unit, i.e., schools, places of religious worship, work environments, etc.), we are to demonstrate certain behaviors, even if it means suppressing what we genuinely feel and who we genuinely are at times. Sometimes, even the exploration of who we really are is discouraged. A minority are encouraged to explore who they really are and to create a way to have a fulfilling life according to who they know themselves to be.

Because we realized that social environments function better if we seek to collaborate and tolerate each other within a range of what we call acceptable behaviors, we aim at ways to accomplish this and adjust these relationships on an ongoing basis. But a conflict exists: We feel driven to explore and express ourselves as unique individuals and also driven by our need to conform (within an acceptable range) to standards of behaviors.

The point to be made here is that just as any structure has a foundation arranged a certain way, no matter how the interior and exterior walls are painted or decorated later, so do you have a personality blueprint that is your foundation, no matter what else you decorate that with or how many times you change, adjust, modify, or try to force the outward bits—what you show others about who you are.

Aspects of who you are, which you may have believed or that others may have told you are foibles, flaws, or character failures can show up as part of your blueprint, meaning they are part of you and your life for a reason, for a purpose; and no pep-talk is ever going to change the fact of it, though you may be able to modify these aspects so they work in your favor. Knowing and accepting this, can act as a form of permission for you to be you.

It is enormously frustrating to know something about yourself and either believe it’s wrong to be that way or that there’s something wrong with you. I’m not referring to serious psychiatric matters that do need attention, but rather the issues many deal with on a daily basis that cause self-doubt (and self-disapproval) to be so rampant. We do this to ourselves, and we do this to others.

• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) is going to happen if your blueprint is one of low energy and others are insisting that you have to be high energy or higher than you naturally are.
• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) is going to happen if you are more like the tortoise than the hare about making big decisions and one or more “hares” are saying there must be something wrong with you.
• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) is going to happen if what you really believe would be a fulfilling career and life for you is being touted as too small by bold, adventurous types or too risky by those who need safe plateaus.
• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) is going to happen when you feel and behave one way when you’re with others and it’s never or seldom how you behave on your own, and you believe something is wrong with you for being this way.
• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) happens when you feel or know yourself to be one way but have been convinced by yourself or others that you HAVE to (should) feel or be another way; and this avoidance or denial of your authentic self rubs like sandpaper against your soul’s desired expression.

From the moment we’re born, there are a number of people telling us what we should think, feel, say, do, believe, and be like. And it continues long after childhood. It’s far too seldom that anyone asks, “What do you really feel (think, believe, have to say, want to do)?” Is it any wonder so many people are confused and even afraid to explore who they are, despite craving this?

A good place to start is to ask your self what YOU think and feel. You don’t have to necessarily act on it right off; just agree to be honest with yourself about anything you feel in conflict with about who you know yourself to be. It’s pretty darn difficult to aim at a fulfilling, successful life when you don’t have a clue what that means for your authentic nature, and are afraid to explore this.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to reprint this article as long as you use my complete bio.

Shift self-sabotaging behaviors & discover your authentic self through Your Personality Blueprint with Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Why Is Positive Manifestation So Darn Difficult?

2010-12-03T09:27:00.000-08:00

We’ve got negative manifestation down, right? So why do we struggle with positive manifestation? It’s about Frequencies and Circuitries.

FREQUENCIES

I learned a fact in 1985, used it often, and then forgot I knew it.

Okay, I didn’t actually forget it; after a while I just forgot to recall that I knew it AND forgot about the positive experiences it creates when used deliberately and consistently. I think a lot of us do that: Learn something really beneficial and effective, use it a while, then shelf it when we get busy and we think we Just Don’t Have the Time. But best results happen only if we make the time.

If you do affirmations or visualizations while your brainwave frequencies are in the Beta range (15 cycles per second or higher), you’re in the Ego-Logic Brain State (Left Brain). Basically, you’re talking to yourself. I’m not saying Source isn’t listening (that’s not true), but Source provided us with a creation field that operates at a certain frequency, so we need to match it (and we certainly can). Kind of like, “Tune to Channel 14 for optimum, static-free creation communication.”

If you want to communicate and do your most productive “work” in the creation field, you have to be in the Alpha brainwave frequency or below (14 cycles per second or lower). There is MUCH evidence about this being the effective channel (or as Jose Silva, creator of Silva UltraMind called it, Effective Sensory Projection level), which we all can access, and do when we

• Start to fall asleep
• First wake up
• Brush our teeth
• Shave
• Daydream
• When we enter Right Brain activity, like when an artist paints and is in the zone
• Aim our eyes 45 degrees upward (as though looking up at a traffic light, or when we want to recall information)
• Meditate properly

At such times, your mind is in a more relaxed state, not actively or frantically moving thoughts around in the Left Brain-Logic field. You’re in the creative energy field . . . and you will get far better results at this frequency than in Beta.

CIRCUITRY

Brain circuits used most often are trained to be the ones traveled with the least resistance. We build these very real neural pathways with our thoughts. If you train your thoughts to be negative or positive ones regarding events that happen, words you hear, or what you observe, that’s the feeling pathway you’ll follow first or more easily when triggered by a particular happening. This is why it can be a challenge to shift from negative thinking to positive—the positive pathways haven’t been constructed or are still under construction. You can’t wish for this construction to happen, you have to deliberately build it, one thought at a time.

Jose Silva wrote in one of his earlier books that the brain is more energetic When Less Active. This aligns with the fact that your potential to manifest (or whatever word you like) is optimal when your brainwave frequencies are at 14 cycles per second or less; in other words, less active (not in busy mind state). When you stress and strain mentally and emotionally, your body perceives this (as it was designed to) as a threat to your survival. It goes into fight-or-flight mode; and this mode will never ever be receptive, creative mode—only attack or run mode.

You can go to the Silva UltraMind website and scroll down to the options they offer. One option is to have nine free lessons emailed to you. You also receive guided meditation audios that bring you into the Alpha frequency that you can download and use every day.

I’ve been using other meditation methods, and not every day. But when I listened to the centering audio SUM sent to me, it took me back to 1985, when I learned the Silva method. It also took me back to how life felt and was when I went “into level” at least once a day, but usually twice . . . how easily information used to come to me, how I could see how events would go ahead of them happening (i.e., meetings, etc.), how I used dreams to get ideas and answers, and the many, many other benefits this method provides.

I did the 25-minute audio twice the first day, and I WAS relaxed! When I looked in the mirror the next day (after my morning meditation), my face and my countenance was smooth—because I was relaxed. That night, I stated I would have a dream that gave me needed information about something, and that I’d easily recall the information. Boy, did that work! I was shown a piece of paper that had these words written on it: “Your desire for change is what’s creating all the drama.” I was being told, “Relax, already!” Any time we strain or stress for a desired change, we get more of what we don’t want and block receiving what we do. Like many of you, I know this. Like many of us, it’s easy to forget we know this.

How would it feel to deliberately, deeply relax one or more times a day or receive significant information that benefits you rather than struggle for it?

The crux of this is that we have a brain that interacts with our mind. We can deliberately use both in our best interest, or not. One method leads to more serenity and positive experiences in life; the other leads to more struggle.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer