You may have a core “switch” set to keep you safe. What if self-sabotage is actually your switch doing its job? Maybe it’s time you give this a closer look.
You can apply what follows to any area of your life where you feel attaining success is a struggle, but let’s start with money/wealth/abundance—whatever your word choice is . . . because money has such highly-charged emotional, self-worth, self-esteem attachments to it.
Let’s imagine you don’t have the financial situation you’d prefer—but you really want it. You use a variety of methods to assist you: affirmations, visions, vision boards, and so forth. You read and sign up for anything about attaining wealth (or even just easier financial months), whether this is specific business or online strategies or ways to eliminate blocking beliefs about money, success, etc. Whatever the means, you put a lot of hours towards this, including thinking or worrying about it.
And you’re still not where you want to be.
Give an honest answer: What kinds of comments do you make to others and in your mind about people with money or wealth?
It probably has something to do with them behaving “badly”—even if you know people with wealth and success who don’t demonstrate those behaviors. What you probably don’t say is, “People with wealth may have other blocks, but they don’t have them about having money.”
People who behave “badly” will do so with or without wealth; so, this is a good time for you to separate behaviors from having money. The fact there are people of wealth who behave with integrity and generosity disproves such a blanket statement. Is that separate for you now? Can you see they aren’t joined?
If what’s described above is your core belief, you will never have wealth. Or, if you get it, you won’t keep it or consistently replenish it as you use it.
Because at your core is a safety switch. Its program is likely: “We (you, your family, friends, associates) detest people with money: they behave badly. They (fill in the blank).” Your safety switch will protect you from ever becoming One of Those People. No matter how much you desire it. Once you switch your switch, you’ll attract or tune in to strategies and opportunities you have head and heart alignment with; and shift and expansion will happen. It will feel more effortless than you’ve experienced before. Maybe your switch gets reprogrammed to know and allow, “Financial freedom—whatever that means to me—is fabulous, fun, and allows me full self-expression and fulfillment.”
Know that when the shift begins to happen, it will be in the way that supports your personal evolution best, whether that’s gradual or more immediate. This mostly depends on how aligned you are with the new program as your truth.
Vernon Howard said, “We are slaves to whatever we don’t understand.” One of the key things people tend to not understand about any success that is fulfilling is that it has to come from what they truly want to do (are aligned with), makes them feel enthusiastic, and yes, even fun for them.
You’re told to put focus on the outcomes you desire. That’s good advice because if you do this in the most productive way, you’re not focused on what you don’t want or have, not living in the past (or the future)—you’re living Right Now, which is where your power lives.
The well known phrase, “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey,” can also be stated as, “It’s not the outcome, it’s the desired experience—in this moment (which creates the next moments).”
I know, I know. You want the outcomes; but the quality of the outcomes will shift and expand if you aim at the desired experience quality—because it takes your focus from primarily on outcomes and puts them where they belong: the energetic creative process and you as the driver of your life. You’re conditioned to believe what your experience looks like is more important than being able to consciously create experiences you desire, over and over. When you understand this, you won’t be a slave to externals—because you’ll know the power comes from you.
Check to see if there’s a safety switch that runs contrary to any of this information. And, check what your real Self image is such as
I can only live a smaller, more circumscribed life (though I desire more)
If I have more money or wealth, I’ll be one of “them” (I’ll hate me, others will hate me)
If I do what really fuels me, others will resent me (what others think is appropriate for me is more important/true than what I think)
I have to accept whatever is “given” to me in my personal and professional life (the external world has the power; it controls my experiences and outcomes)
I have to have a certain level of education, know the right people, work my backside off—be “perfect” . . . .
Do you know anyone who lives the opposite of the beliefs listed and not listed above, and is successful and genuinely happy in their life?
Consider how all that’s been presented here connects. What’s the bigger picture for you? Which core safety switches click into the On position or want to? If the switch doesn’t serve you, how will you adjust it so it does?
Showing posts with label self-esteem and money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-esteem and money. Show all posts
Friday, November 13, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Is Mainstream the Wrong Stream for You?
For many, mainstream is like a tailored suit; for some, it’s like a straightjacket. Are you swimming in the wrong stream or against the current?
Mainstream, in this writing, means demonstrating via your life, work, relationships, etc., an “acceptable” model or role model, as much as possible—a model that is allowed some leeway as long as it’s a composite of descriptions provided by the various prevalent social, religious, and educational systems and models, as well as family and cultural descriptions or models.
Stated simply, what you do and how you do it appeases the tribe and sub-tribes—which allows you to feel safe—considered worthy of inclusion by the tribe. It means you’re more likely to receive rewards of approval and compensation.
Be clear, please: there’s nothing “wrong” with mainstream. It has its purpose. Mainstream provides a level of order so society’s “mechanisms” work more often than not. It’s a perfect fit for many. And, mainstream and non-mainstream each have their positive/negative aspects.
Mainstream swimming is only problematic if you’ve always known it wasn’t the right stream for you. You might try to swim in it, but it’s like an obstacle course rather than a fulfilling journey or adventure. Swimming with a “fin” in each stream may be a better fit for you.
Why is this important?
If you’re a more non-mainstream type, you may still be trying to fit in, so you do what the tribe and sub-tribes say you should in order to receive the rewards of approval, compensation, and the feeling you are safe. Feeling safe underlies your motivations. And, even if you have some periods of serenity or happiness and rewards, they’re temporary and/or not as fulfilling as you desire.
If you are contemplating the leap into a stream that fits—or if you’ve made the leap—unless you’ve dealt with your fears and contrasts about being comfortably mainstream vs. fits better in a different stream, you’ll experience contrasts in your life, some of them huge. And, you may not understand why they show up—repeatedly. You may even think it’s because you’re not worthy, not really unique, actually mainstream and just fooling yourself (or lazy, as some mainstreamers may have told you).
This has huge implications if you’re a person who knows you have to be an entrepreneur so you can follow your passion(s) as this relates to the services or products (solutions) you feel compelled to share with others (but apply this to any area of your life). How might this impact you?
You may withhold rewards from yourself—because you’re running a program that says being different deserves a penalty.
Consider this: if you’re non-mainstream and have experienced less-than-ideal rewards or fulfillment while “playing” in mainstream land . . .
1) It needed to be this way so you could discover you’re better suited to a different stream, one that allows you to be yourself—or you need to create a way to merge the two.
2) You may have been penalized because you didn’t fit the mainstream model. This could include comments from anyone that states disapproval of you because you aren’t making a “real effort” to fit the model someone wants you to fit. (Some of those people who disapproved are actually non-mainstreamers too afraid to leave that stream—sort of a “misery loves company” affect.)
What’s interesting about the second one above is that if you received disapproval for being non-mainstream (maybe even told you were a source of humiliation), it more than likely started when you were a child. AND, if your life isn’t fulfilling now, it’s more than likely you’ve continued to punish yourself, deny yourself rewards, disapprove of or criticize yourself—even into adulthood.
Ahh . . . the great quandary: you are a unique individual and you found yourself in a playground where being too unique and not homogenous enough was not appreciated by the majority of your play mates. By the way, you can find or create your ideal playground.
All this is interesting, but what are you supposed to do—that’s the question, yes?
I offer three approaches to those of you who have decided you’re ready to be Uniquely You, as we’re not all playing the same game.
Life: I’m okay, you’re okay; and I can choose to let go of what others think and be my authentic self, from a place of personal integrity. And, I’m so focused on creating the life I choose, I don’t direct my energy towards criticizing others.
Law of Attraction: I match my vibrations to my ideal expression of self in every area of my life, and attract ideal people, events, and resources into my life.
Quantum: I’m an infinite being (creative consciousness) having a human experience, which means I decided to see what it’s like to feel the opposite—limited—until I decide to wake from this lucid dream and play differently. To do this, I created a playground with play mates who read the lines I gave/give them. I create(d) everything in this lucid dream I chose/choose to make sure I have this experience. I understand the true power is not in the scenery, not in the actors, not in the words, not in any material thing—not in the dream—but comes from me. I install the patterns into the quantum field, and I can appreciate what a brilliant job I did/do of making it feel real. As it feels appropriate, I reclaim energy from patterns I created, as they get my attention, and play differently.
The crux of this is, it’s more than likely your life experience isn’t what you desire if you’re punishing yourself (withholding rewards: approval, appreciation, monetary, success, etc.) for being You.
Next time you aim at a target or goal and start to create the strategies and action steps to achieve or attain an outcome, check in with yourself to see if you’re ready to receive the desired outcome or if a belief that you don’t deserve it is rumbling around at a deep level. Use the approach, out of the three offered above, that resonates most for you to move this forward.
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach and Author in New York City http://www.kitchenforthemind.webs.com/. Email her at jls1422@yahoo.com to get information about her one-question-at-a-time and Reinvent Yourself coaching options, or to receive her free weekly newsletter. Her books, e-books, and Kitchen for the Mind Topic Bites are available at lulu.com.
Mainstream, in this writing, means demonstrating via your life, work, relationships, etc., an “acceptable” model or role model, as much as possible—a model that is allowed some leeway as long as it’s a composite of descriptions provided by the various prevalent social, religious, and educational systems and models, as well as family and cultural descriptions or models.
Stated simply, what you do and how you do it appeases the tribe and sub-tribes—which allows you to feel safe—considered worthy of inclusion by the tribe. It means you’re more likely to receive rewards of approval and compensation.
Be clear, please: there’s nothing “wrong” with mainstream. It has its purpose. Mainstream provides a level of order so society’s “mechanisms” work more often than not. It’s a perfect fit for many. And, mainstream and non-mainstream each have their positive/negative aspects.
Mainstream swimming is only problematic if you’ve always known it wasn’t the right stream for you. You might try to swim in it, but it’s like an obstacle course rather than a fulfilling journey or adventure. Swimming with a “fin” in each stream may be a better fit for you.
Why is this important?
If you’re a more non-mainstream type, you may still be trying to fit in, so you do what the tribe and sub-tribes say you should in order to receive the rewards of approval, compensation, and the feeling you are safe. Feeling safe underlies your motivations. And, even if you have some periods of serenity or happiness and rewards, they’re temporary and/or not as fulfilling as you desire.
If you are contemplating the leap into a stream that fits—or if you’ve made the leap—unless you’ve dealt with your fears and contrasts about being comfortably mainstream vs. fits better in a different stream, you’ll experience contrasts in your life, some of them huge. And, you may not understand why they show up—repeatedly. You may even think it’s because you’re not worthy, not really unique, actually mainstream and just fooling yourself (or lazy, as some mainstreamers may have told you).
This has huge implications if you’re a person who knows you have to be an entrepreneur so you can follow your passion(s) as this relates to the services or products (solutions) you feel compelled to share with others (but apply this to any area of your life). How might this impact you?
You may withhold rewards from yourself—because you’re running a program that says being different deserves a penalty.
Consider this: if you’re non-mainstream and have experienced less-than-ideal rewards or fulfillment while “playing” in mainstream land . . .
1) It needed to be this way so you could discover you’re better suited to a different stream, one that allows you to be yourself—or you need to create a way to merge the two.
2) You may have been penalized because you didn’t fit the mainstream model. This could include comments from anyone that states disapproval of you because you aren’t making a “real effort” to fit the model someone wants you to fit. (Some of those people who disapproved are actually non-mainstreamers too afraid to leave that stream—sort of a “misery loves company” affect.)
What’s interesting about the second one above is that if you received disapproval for being non-mainstream (maybe even told you were a source of humiliation), it more than likely started when you were a child. AND, if your life isn’t fulfilling now, it’s more than likely you’ve continued to punish yourself, deny yourself rewards, disapprove of or criticize yourself—even into adulthood.
Ahh . . . the great quandary: you are a unique individual and you found yourself in a playground where being too unique and not homogenous enough was not appreciated by the majority of your play mates. By the way, you can find or create your ideal playground.
All this is interesting, but what are you supposed to do—that’s the question, yes?
I offer three approaches to those of you who have decided you’re ready to be Uniquely You, as we’re not all playing the same game.
Life: I’m okay, you’re okay; and I can choose to let go of what others think and be my authentic self, from a place of personal integrity. And, I’m so focused on creating the life I choose, I don’t direct my energy towards criticizing others.
Law of Attraction: I match my vibrations to my ideal expression of self in every area of my life, and attract ideal people, events, and resources into my life.
Quantum: I’m an infinite being (creative consciousness) having a human experience, which means I decided to see what it’s like to feel the opposite—limited—until I decide to wake from this lucid dream and play differently. To do this, I created a playground with play mates who read the lines I gave/give them. I create(d) everything in this lucid dream I chose/choose to make sure I have this experience. I understand the true power is not in the scenery, not in the actors, not in the words, not in any material thing—not in the dream—but comes from me. I install the patterns into the quantum field, and I can appreciate what a brilliant job I did/do of making it feel real. As it feels appropriate, I reclaim energy from patterns I created, as they get my attention, and play differently.
The crux of this is, it’s more than likely your life experience isn’t what you desire if you’re punishing yourself (withholding rewards: approval, appreciation, monetary, success, etc.) for being You.
Next time you aim at a target or goal and start to create the strategies and action steps to achieve or attain an outcome, check in with yourself to see if you’re ready to receive the desired outcome or if a belief that you don’t deserve it is rumbling around at a deep level. Use the approach, out of the three offered above, that resonates most for you to move this forward.
Joyce Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach and Author in New York City http://www.kitchenforthemind.webs.com/. Email her at jls1422@yahoo.com to get information about her one-question-at-a-time and Reinvent Yourself coaching options, or to receive her free weekly newsletter. Her books, e-books, and Kitchen for the Mind Topic Bites are available at lulu.com.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Are You Attached to How Your Life Looks?
Which is more important: the structure of your life or the foundation of who you are? One individual provided an extreme example of why this is important.
A friend/coaching client asked me to help him find his footing about a work-related incident. He works in the mental health field where clients receive whatever assistance they need, as well as guidance to live as independently as possible. A co-worker is away for a while, so my friend and members of his team have each taken on several of her clients.
One of these additional clients received money to make payments, but lost it. My friend shared, “Because he lost the money, this client made a strong departure from the structure by not reaching out to us and tried to kill himself.” He used the word “structure” in several more sentences, primarily because one of many ways they assist clients is to help them create a structured process or routine to follow.
This event, this departure, was what my friend struggled to understand, as well as why this client would choose death over contacting my friend or anyone who could help him. The client told him that when he realized he’d lost the money, he simply fell into a dark vortex he thought there was no way out of. His suicide attempt was his way to stop the pain, the seemingly endless fall.
As my friend spoke, I wrote down what popped into mind: a structure, even a really good one, is not the foundation.
What I offered about this is that a structure can be torn down, redesigned, and rebuilt as many times as someone wishes or needs to do so. And, it’s always built atop the foundation. The stronger the foundation is the sturdier the structure.
The client went to an extreme end of what we might call the Personal Value Gradient. We tend to move around on that gradient or occupy a particular position on it, short- or long-term, as it relates to our experiences (our structure).
The structure in place for the client includes receiving money to pay rent and other monthly expenses and people to contact if any problems come up. This client gave us a clear demonstration, an extreme example, of how beliefs about money having more value than we do can lead us into shadowy or pitch dark inner places.
The structure helps the “wheels” of his life, as it looks, turn; but his ability to know his life has more value than money or any thing ever could, obviously wasn’t in place. This is not to be taken as a criticism towards my friend or the work he and his co-workers do. I know how much my friend cares and does for his clients.
The prevalent “policy” of many cultures, societies, dogmas, and systems is not one that supports our human value above money and stuff. And, there’s a lot of emphasis on what our physical, mental, emotional, professional, financial, and other structures are supposed to look like—with little attention towards how strong our foundation is. What we hear more often is that what we have or can get defines us, establishes our value, rather than, “Be truthful about what you really want to experience, go for it, and allow everything to enhance your experience.”
What if the place of personal empowerment comes from knowing your foundation and that it’s firm—realizing that whether by choice or by what appears as external events, every aspect of your structure experiences ongoing change from the moment you begin your life experience to the moment you depart from it.
The foundation IS you. The structure is like visiting a variety of clothing stores and trying on different styles, colors, and fabrics until you find what suits you best or what you wish to play with a while until you’re ready to try another.
One of the biggest structural flaws in place, and time, is that money defines us, has more value than a human life, instead of that it can be used to enhance our lives.
I’m not going to offer bulleted suggestions for how you can assess and/or reassess your structure and/or your foundation. You are unique. You are the one who knows your foundation better than anyone. You’re the one who can strengthen any weak areas. You’re the one who makes decisions about the structure you place on top of it—what it looks like, how long you keep it, and so on.
The right questions are often the answers. And, sometimes we have to ask for assistance when we feel weak so we can get strong again.
Get quick online coaching, without having to sign up for coaching sessions, with Joyce Shafer, LEC, Live-Answers.com Coach, and author of I Don't Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say. Learn about You Are More online coaching: 3 levels - Life, Law of Attraction, and Quantum at http://youaremoreempowermentcoach.webs.com ~ Email me at jls1422@yahoo.com to receive my free weekly uplifting newsletter, State of Appreciation. See reviews of my books/e-books online at Lulu.
A friend/coaching client asked me to help him find his footing about a work-related incident. He works in the mental health field where clients receive whatever assistance they need, as well as guidance to live as independently as possible. A co-worker is away for a while, so my friend and members of his team have each taken on several of her clients.
One of these additional clients received money to make payments, but lost it. My friend shared, “Because he lost the money, this client made a strong departure from the structure by not reaching out to us and tried to kill himself.” He used the word “structure” in several more sentences, primarily because one of many ways they assist clients is to help them create a structured process or routine to follow.
This event, this departure, was what my friend struggled to understand, as well as why this client would choose death over contacting my friend or anyone who could help him. The client told him that when he realized he’d lost the money, he simply fell into a dark vortex he thought there was no way out of. His suicide attempt was his way to stop the pain, the seemingly endless fall.
As my friend spoke, I wrote down what popped into mind: a structure, even a really good one, is not the foundation.
What I offered about this is that a structure can be torn down, redesigned, and rebuilt as many times as someone wishes or needs to do so. And, it’s always built atop the foundation. The stronger the foundation is the sturdier the structure.
The client went to an extreme end of what we might call the Personal Value Gradient. We tend to move around on that gradient or occupy a particular position on it, short- or long-term, as it relates to our experiences (our structure).
The structure in place for the client includes receiving money to pay rent and other monthly expenses and people to contact if any problems come up. This client gave us a clear demonstration, an extreme example, of how beliefs about money having more value than we do can lead us into shadowy or pitch dark inner places.
The structure helps the “wheels” of his life, as it looks, turn; but his ability to know his life has more value than money or any thing ever could, obviously wasn’t in place. This is not to be taken as a criticism towards my friend or the work he and his co-workers do. I know how much my friend cares and does for his clients.
The prevalent “policy” of many cultures, societies, dogmas, and systems is not one that supports our human value above money and stuff. And, there’s a lot of emphasis on what our physical, mental, emotional, professional, financial, and other structures are supposed to look like—with little attention towards how strong our foundation is. What we hear more often is that what we have or can get defines us, establishes our value, rather than, “Be truthful about what you really want to experience, go for it, and allow everything to enhance your experience.”
What if the place of personal empowerment comes from knowing your foundation and that it’s firm—realizing that whether by choice or by what appears as external events, every aspect of your structure experiences ongoing change from the moment you begin your life experience to the moment you depart from it.
The foundation IS you. The structure is like visiting a variety of clothing stores and trying on different styles, colors, and fabrics until you find what suits you best or what you wish to play with a while until you’re ready to try another.
One of the biggest structural flaws in place, and time, is that money defines us, has more value than a human life, instead of that it can be used to enhance our lives.
I’m not going to offer bulleted suggestions for how you can assess and/or reassess your structure and/or your foundation. You are unique. You are the one who knows your foundation better than anyone. You’re the one who can strengthen any weak areas. You’re the one who makes decisions about the structure you place on top of it—what it looks like, how long you keep it, and so on.
The right questions are often the answers. And, sometimes we have to ask for assistance when we feel weak so we can get strong again.
Get quick online coaching, without having to sign up for coaching sessions, with Joyce Shafer, LEC, Live-Answers.com Coach, and author of I Don't Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say. Learn about You Are More online coaching: 3 levels - Life, Law of Attraction, and Quantum at http://youaremoreempowermentcoach.webs.com ~ Email me at jls1422@yahoo.com to receive my free weekly uplifting newsletter, State of Appreciation. See reviews of my books/e-books online at Lulu.
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