How to Succeed AT Life

We all think we know what success is. There are certainly enough definitions of it and opinions about how to succeed IN life. But, how can we truly succeed AT life?

We can succeed AT life by being true to ourselves. It’s not always as simple or easy to do this as we might imagine or wish; but maybe that’s already been your experience. For one thing, as we move through our life, we have a trail of expectations following us, those expectations imposed on us by others, and those we erroneously impose on ourselves. We walk in a wake of negativity as a result, because we don’t know how or feel confident enough to be true to ourselves after years of others’ influences swarming around us, attempting to tell us what to think, feel, say, and do.

Ernest Holmes wrote an interesting passage about negativity in his book, The Science of Mind. But it was what came at the end of that passage that got me thinking. Here it is: “Thought which is built upon a realization of the Divine Presence has the power to neutralize negative thought, to erase it, just as light has the power to overcome darkness; not by combating darkness, but by being exactly what it is: LIGHT.”

Light overcomes darkness “not by combating darkness, but by being exactly what it is: LIGHT.” What happens when we are not our true selves or true to ourselves is we engage in an inner battle, though we may also battle with others who, for their own reasons, attempt to deter us from being true to ourselves. With so much focus on battles, little energy is given to the real matter: being ourselves and evolving in the way and timing appropriate and fulfilling for us. You cannot live YOUR purpose (much less your life) if you’re living according to someone else’s expectations that you are not in alignment with.

Anthropologist Margaret Mead had a particular mindset when her daughter was born. She said she couldn’t wait to see who this person was. She didn’t say she couldn’t wait to mold her daughter into who she wanted the girl to become. Big difference. Most of us did not have the benefit of such refreshing open-mindedness in the environment where we grew, learned, and developed. We were not, in general, provided with a nurturing space to discover and determine who we are, so much as we were told, by so many, who we were expected to become. How often we see others (or have it as our own experience) who follow the wishes or expectations of one or more others, rather than follow what’s in their heart and spirit. It’s not a pretty picture when that happens.

One example comes to mind of someone I know who wanted to be a musician but his parents wanted him to be a doctor. So he slogged through all the years needed to put M.D. behind his name. Yes, he learned useful things, but he had no passion for his practice. A sad, serious side-effect was that he lost compassion for his patients. He did what was expected of him, barely. And, he was miserable. He turned to drugs and other not-in-balance practices to buffer him from the negativity and restriction he felt he couldn’t escape. Whether or not he would have become a professional musician is not the point. What might have happened had he not succumbed to his parents’ expectations? We’ll never know. But there is a chance that he may have found his way to a life that fulfills him, rather than one he has to numb himself against.

In that and similar situations, one result is clear: Everyone whose life is touched in any way by someone not being true to themselves becomes, in some measure, a hostage to expectations and outcomes; and the effects and outcomes don’t cease after the first time this happens. An ongoing ripple effect is created. Many would look at that man’s life and see only that he’s a doctor, with a doctor’s income and what it allows him to buy and get away with, and call him a success. Now that you know some of the real story, you may hesitate to assign that label to him.

How much of the negativity we experience is a result of not being true to ourselves? Think about the implications of that for a moment. What are you doing and who are you doing it for? If your why is one you have head and heart alignment with, no problem. If you don’t have that alignment, you have negative thoughts buzzing like bees in your mental, emotional, and spiritual life, which, of course, can affect your physical body. It definitely affects your energy and what you attract into your life as your experience, as well as how you relate to yourself, others, and your life. The proverbial vicious circle gets created.

Whatever you’ve been indoctrinated or convinced to believe about success, the truth is that real success is an inner experience—a feeling. When you find what makes you happy and fulfilled in ways appropriate for you, and this in turn, causes you to spread some good into your circle or world, you are a success. Maybe you have enough material things in your life that causes others to call you a success and maybe you don’t. Should their opinions matter? Do you really want them to? Or do you want to put the measure of success where it belongs—in your hands? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

What Fears Are You Willing to Let Go Of?

It’s a new year. Do you really want to carry all the same fears you had in the last year into this one? Which ones can you let go of that you will let go of?

There’s nothing like getting ready to write an article like this one then having to live its message before you write the first word. Talk about making sure you don’t wax profoundly (one hopes), as though immune or above it all. That’s exactly what happened to me when something I relied on had a significant delay that affected me in a number of ways. You can bet my fears went into overdrive. And right in front of me, which I conveniently, repeatedly ignored, was a sheet of paper with the words that came to me late at night several weeks back: Fear is never the path to walk. Yep. And as many of us know, that is sometimes easier said than done.

While this article simmered on the back burner over the holidays, a quote from Abraham Lincoln, one familiar to most of us, made me look at this topic of fear a bit differently: “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” That’s exactly what fear does—it divides us, in some way, within ourselves, and we feel our world or some part of it is crumbling or at least trembling precariously in some measure. We don’t, and life doesn’t, feel stable at such times.

Fear divides us in global and local ways, but I want to focus on the personal ways it does this to us. When we’re afraid, it’s pretty darn difficult to feel whole, empowered, in flow—connected to all the good in the Universe. It’s difficult, if not impossible—depending on the circumstance—to remember that We Never Walk Alone. Source is always with us. Our Spirit self is always with us. But when our fearful emotions have us in upheaval, this Truth is not something we tend to remember, at least, not right away. It may take awhile. And in the meantime, we feel divided within ourselves and likely feel divided with one or more aspects of our physical, material, and even spiritual life.

Ernest Holmes wrote in The Science of Mind: “To hold one’s thought steadfastly to the constructive, to that which endures, and to the Truth, may not be easy in a rapidly changing world, but to the one who makes the attempt much is guaranteed.” This also applies to a rapidly changing life, but I like that Holmes doesn’t say to the one who does it perfectly, but instead says attempts.

Ultimately, experiences that rattle us demonstrate how much we’ve integrated spiritual realizations, or haven’t as yet, as well as what we still practice that’s opposite of Truth. But what Holmes said is what it’s about, isn’t it—making the effort just as soon as we remember to do this. Our efforts demonstrate intention and commitment to us and to the Universe, and this DOES matter and count in our favor.

What Truths do you absolutely hold steadfast to belief-wise, but still get rattled about when something doesn’t go the way you believe it should or you wish it would—and you find yourself in a state of fear? It’s a good idea to take a moment and write down a few of them. Look at the fears you practice—the “common” ones that make you feel god-awful when you feel them, even though you absolutely believe something else. The fears you’ve been trying to overcome for such a long time. What Truths do they conflict with? What are the fears really about?

Ernest Holmes said something that relates to this: “In the Subjective Mind of man, we find a law obeying his word, the servant of his spirit. Suggestion has proved that the subconscious mind acts upon our thoughts. It is the mental law of our being, and the creative factor within us…. It is enough to say that within us is a mental law, working out the will and purposes of our conscious thoughts…. And what we call our subjective mind is really the use we are making of the One Law… And each is drawing from Life what he thinks into It! To learn how to think is to learn how to live…” (Bolding is mine.)

What this means is something most of us already know: It doesn’t matter what we say we think; what matters is what we really feel and what this feeling leads us to practice, especially subconsciously. What we really feel lives in the subjective, subconscious part of our mind. It’s the undercurrent that moves beneath our conscious thoughts.

For example, you may say that in this new year you’re going to step into your greatness. But if your subjective (subconscious) thought—your personal use of mental law—conflicts with this in any way, you’ll deal with the same fears you’ve always dealt with. (This is to get your attention so that you find a way to free yourself from these thoughts.) For this example or any other, you have to ask yourself some good questions that lead you to your right answers—answers that will allow you to shift your subjective thoughts about whatever has you tied in knots so you loosen or free yourself from that particular tether. However, it’s important to remember that this applies to our personal spiritual path. We cannot intrude on another’s spiritual path, as much as we’d like to—as much as we’d like to ease the fears and pain we sometimes feel as a result of being a witness to their path.

Just a bit more from Holmes about this, because it’s important to keep in mind: “…we all use the creative power of the Universal Mind every time we use our own mind…. The conscious mind is superior to the subjective and may consciously use it…. The conscious mind is Spirit, the subjective mind is Law.” We CAN consciously do what it takes to override opposing beliefs stored in the subjective mind, until the new beliefs about Truth replace the old. In this way, we train ourselves to a new, improved practice. (Bolding is mine.)

Whatever you say you believe but don’t as yet practice as a Truth is something you want to look at, something you want to shift so you don’t carry all of the same old fears with you into this new year. You can pay attention to how some of those fears you’ve carried for years divide you in your inner “house” so you can make a conscious choice about what to do with them. Please note: I’m not talking about the fears that help keep you alive; I’m talking about the fears that keep you from living a fulfilling life. This is a very personal journey each of us must make for ourselves. And… It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com