How to Succeed AT Life

We all think we know what success is. There are certainly enough definitions of it and opinions about how to succeed IN life. But, how can we truly succeed AT life?

We can succeed AT life by being true to ourselves. It’s not always as simple or easy to do this as we might imagine or wish; but maybe that’s already been your experience. For one thing, as we move through our life, we have a trail of expectations following us, those expectations imposed on us by others, and those we erroneously impose on ourselves. We walk in a wake of negativity as a result, because we don’t know how or feel confident enough to be true to ourselves after years of others’ influences swarming around us, attempting to tell us what to think, feel, say, and do.

Ernest Holmes wrote an interesting passage about negativity in his book, The Science of Mind. But it was what came at the end of that passage that got me thinking. Here it is: “Thought which is built upon a realization of the Divine Presence has the power to neutralize negative thought, to erase it, just as light has the power to overcome darkness; not by combating darkness, but by being exactly what it is: LIGHT.”

Light overcomes darkness “not by combating darkness, but by being exactly what it is: LIGHT.” What happens when we are not our true selves or true to ourselves is we engage in an inner battle, though we may also battle with others who, for their own reasons, attempt to deter us from being true to ourselves. With so much focus on battles, little energy is given to the real matter: being ourselves and evolving in the way and timing appropriate and fulfilling for us. You cannot live YOUR purpose (much less your life) if you’re living according to someone else’s expectations that you are not in alignment with.

Anthropologist Margaret Mead had a particular mindset when her daughter was born. She said she couldn’t wait to see who this person was. She didn’t say she couldn’t wait to mold her daughter into who she wanted the girl to become. Big difference. Most of us did not have the benefit of such refreshing open-mindedness in the environment where we grew, learned, and developed. We were not, in general, provided with a nurturing space to discover and determine who we are, so much as we were told, by so many, who we were expected to become. How often we see others (or have it as our own experience) who follow the wishes or expectations of one or more others, rather than follow what’s in their heart and spirit. It’s not a pretty picture when that happens.

One example comes to mind of someone I know who wanted to be a musician but his parents wanted him to be a doctor. So he slogged through all the years needed to put M.D. behind his name. Yes, he learned useful things, but he had no passion for his practice. A sad, serious side-effect was that he lost compassion for his patients. He did what was expected of him, barely. And, he was miserable. He turned to drugs and other not-in-balance practices to buffer him from the negativity and restriction he felt he couldn’t escape. Whether or not he would have become a professional musician is not the point. What might have happened had he not succumbed to his parents’ expectations? We’ll never know. But there is a chance that he may have found his way to a life that fulfills him, rather than one he has to numb himself against.

In that and similar situations, one result is clear: Everyone whose life is touched in any way by someone not being true to themselves becomes, in some measure, a hostage to expectations and outcomes; and the effects and outcomes don’t cease after the first time this happens. An ongoing ripple effect is created. Many would look at that man’s life and see only that he’s a doctor, with a doctor’s income and what it allows him to buy and get away with, and call him a success. Now that you know some of the real story, you may hesitate to assign that label to him.

How much of the negativity we experience is a result of not being true to ourselves? Think about the implications of that for a moment. What are you doing and who are you doing it for? If your why is one you have head and heart alignment with, no problem. If you don’t have that alignment, you have negative thoughts buzzing like bees in your mental, emotional, and spiritual life, which, of course, can affect your physical body. It definitely affects your energy and what you attract into your life as your experience, as well as how you relate to yourself, others, and your life. The proverbial vicious circle gets created.

Whatever you’ve been indoctrinated or convinced to believe about success, the truth is that real success is an inner experience—a feeling. When you find what makes you happy and fulfilled in ways appropriate for you, and this in turn, causes you to spread some good into your circle or world, you are a success. Maybe you have enough material things in your life that causes others to call you a success and maybe you don’t. Should their opinions matter? Do you really want them to? Or do you want to put the measure of success where it belongs—in your hands? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

It’s Not What You Do, But Why You Do It That’s Important

Too often, we focus on actions instead of intentions. We can easily create regrets by doing so. There’s a right question you can use to take care of this.

“By their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:16) The word recognize doesn’t mean an ability to identify someone, say, by their face, but to know them—know who a person really is—by what they think, say, and do. And, likewise, others know us by our “fruit,” as well.

Also too often, we believe the “fruit” refers to what’s in their or our bank account, or our tangible assets. Our True fruit is our spiritual nature that is available to guide us through life and put our gifts and talents to good use. Whether or not we turn to our nature or develop or refine it is a choice, and every choice “bears fruit” we call outcomes or results—or regrets.

“A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit; neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.” (Matthew 7:18) Let’s look at “fruit” we would call good, and their opposites: Love vs. Indifference; Forgiveness vs. Resentment; Kindness vs. Rudeness; Compassion vs. Apathy; Inner Wisdom vs. Sheeple-Mind; Generosity vs. Self-Centeredness; Lightness of Spirit vs. Negative-Attitude Addiction; Self-Control vs. Carelessness; Collaboration vs. Manipulation; Joy vs. Anger…to name several.

Do your behaviors and life demonstrate the fruit of your inner work? Yes, they do. Are your experiences and results the fruit you choose to produce? Fortunately, we can plant new seeds or saplings that grow and result in better fruit in and from us and our lives.

A friend once said, “I believe the only thing to fear is regret.” That stuck with me; it became a part of my internal GPS. But I didn’t adversely impose on myself by saying I didn’t want to have any regrets (too late for that), but that I want to make choices appropriate for me so I have as few regrets as possible. I’m human; I’m going to make mistakes, even if that isn’t my intention. But I can do what I can to reduce mistakes and regrets. So can you.

Regrets are the results of choices we make that we don’t have head and heart alignment about. How can you get head and heart alignment about choices, especially when you face something you need to do but don’t want to do? Here’s a question to ask: Will I feel better about myself if I do this, or better if I don’t?

Here’s something Old Bill tells A.J. in I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say: “You can make better choices, but what’s underneath the choice? If your consciousness understands how the energy works, that’s far better than just doin’ what’s ‘right.’ I’ve seen folks get stuck in that place. They do somethin’ they think is right—maybe they consider it the ‘Christian’ thing to do. But underneath the action, they’re angry or bitter about doin’ it—maybe even judge those they’re doin’ it for. It’s much better if what you choose to do is somethin’ you find your mind, heart, and spirit are all together on. Doin’ somethin’ you resent isn’t productive long-term. Either shift your attitude about doin’ it—find some benefit to you for doin’ it—or don’t do it, simply because it isn’t appropriate for you. Maybe doin’ it’s gonna fragment some part of you, so-to-speak. So many folks are doin’ things because they don’t want to be a ‘bad’ person and say no, even if it’s what they really feel. Just remember, A.J., you can put a pig in a tuxedo and bring it to a party; but underneath the fancy duds, it’s still a pig. Eventually, do-gooders—folks who do stuff in order to be thought well of rather than because it’s what they really want to do—either explode on the inside with health problems or finally blow up in a fit of temper….”

Every regret can be looked at from your Why perspective; but, don’t do that unless your intention is to expand your conscious awareness. You can move forward by asking the empowering question, What’s my Why? (why you would or why you wouldn’t), about any choice that doesn’t feel clear to you. An unclear choice is usually about a contrast between your spiritual aspect that seeks to expand your consciousness (and therefore how you experience your experiences), and your ego-aspect, which seeks to survive above anything else, including above spiritual development and conscious awareness.

The right answers for you are within you. You just need to look for the right questions to ask, such as the ones offered above, that can lead you to head and heart alignment. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.        

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

What Do You Expect?

You know it's important to identify and shift limiting beliefs, but how can you more easily identify the more subtle ones you inherited or learned? One sure way is to look carefully at your expectations.

As a child, and even now, you learn and absorb beliefs about everything, limiting or not, by hearing them, through observing the actions of others, and energetically, because we ARE able to perceive the subconscious energy patterns of each other. Fortunately, you deliberately and successfully shift some of these beliefs as you move through life. This is beneficial because all beliefs become expectations; and many of them are quite subtle. They make their appearance, often in a flash, and are likely dismissed by you just as quickly, even though you experience the result of them.

In discussions about Law of Attraction, you’re told that desire is a key element. You desire a great many things you still don’t have. If desire alone did it, you would have them. One reason you don’t have some of these desires is because what you EXPECT blocks them. Desire IS important, but expectation is far more important. Desire is a form of energy: a mental exercise. Expectation is creative energy in action. Expectations come in two flavors, so-to-speak: What you really expect to happen and the expectations you hold about yourself, both of which are, likely, primarily subconscious.

Let's get something significant covered: There is a greater plan at work for you (and by you) that your soul has committed to fulfill while you’re here. If you try to avoid your soul purpose or aim at something that will not fulfill it, you will bump into proverbial brick walls set up to get you back on track, however long that takes.

We too often follow what ego craves or expectations of others, rather than what our soul came here to do and nudges us toward. When a desire isn't fulfilled, it's important to discover if this is because it doesn’t match your soul purpose or because of expectations that block its fulfillment. You can assist your soul purpose and create more desirable experiences by getting clear about the expectations you carry.

You can uncover negative expectations by stating what you desire, or an affirmation about it, then pay attention to what your inner voice says immediately afterwards. The voice will either support or refute the possibility of what you desire ever happening. This voice repeats what you’ve learned and absorbed from others about how life works, or how life works for someone of your social, income, or education level, gender, age, etc.

Then there are the expectations you hold about yourself. These come from comments, observed actions, and beliefs others held (or hold) about you that were communicated to you directly or energetically and then carried by you into your experiences, past and current (and future), and have more power over you than any affirmation or action you take.

Set aside time to list expectations you've carried about yourself and about your life. Example: If you're a woman, and depending on your age, you may have been raised with the expectation that a husband would support you financially; and, maybe your reality is that you either have to or have chosen to support yourself. Can you see the potential contrasts and conflicts that could come up for you about this and how they may defeat your success and joy in doing this? If you're a man, what expectations were placed on you about making a living and making a life, or expected behaviors?

If you carry expectations that demand you feel and do things that feel unnatural to you (unnatural is different from somewhat uncomfortable—like when you try to do something you’re just learning), you will feel like you're on a hamster wheel going nowhere, or not far, or even backwards. For example, you may be expected by others, or may expect yourself, to be someone who goes into the world like a powerhouse and does things in a particular way; yet, your nature may be that to succeed and be fulfilled you need to follow a very different path; or the reverse may be true for you. This and other such contrasts create tremendous stress, frustration, and feelings of being a failure that do not have to be your experience.

"Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It's a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do." - Neale Donald Walsch

Walsch's quote reaches into the heart of the matter; though, I'd add knowing the foundation of who you are needs to be included. You can enhance choices, decisions, and how you fulfill your life vision and purpose by shedding negative expectations you carry and trusting what you discover or already know about how you can best express who you authentically are. You can become comfortable and confident "in your own skin."

You don't have to continue on with expectations that have not served you so far. Give yourself some time to list as many expectations as come up for you. Pause when they surface and look at them. Ask yourself how they influence your choices, as well as how they influence how you feel about yourself and your life. Feel your truth and write these truths down so you can refer back to them.

Appropriate-for-you supportive expectations create desired experiences and results. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.        

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Which Expectations Did You Inherit?

You know it’s important to identify and shift limiting beliefs, but how can you more easily identify the more subtle ones you inherited? One sure way is to look carefully at your expectations.

As a child, and even now, you learn and absorb beliefs about everything, limiting or not, by hearing them, through observing the actions of others, and energetically . . . because we ARE able to perceive the subconscious energy patterns of each other. And, you deliberately and successfully shift some beliefs. All beliefs become expectations; and many of them are quite subtle. They make their appearance, often in a flash, and are likely dismissed by you just as quickly.

In discussions about Law of Attraction, you are told desire is a key element. You already desire a great many things you still do not have. If desire alone did it, you would have it. One reason you do not have some of these desires is because what you EXPECT blocks them. Desire IS important, but expectation is far more important.

Let’s get something significant covered: there is a greater plan at work for you and your life that your soul has a commitment to fulfill while you are here. If you try to avoid your soul purpose or aim at something that will not fulfill it, you will bump into proverbial brick walls set up to get you back on track, however long that takes. We too often follow what ego craves, or expectations of others, rather than what our soul came here to do. When a desire isn’t fulfilled, it’s important to discover if this is because it does not match your soul purpose or because of expectations that block its fulfillment.

You can assist your soul purpose and create more desirable experiences by getting clear about the expectations you carry. Desire is a form of energy: a mental exercise. Expectation is creative energy in action. Expectations come in two flavors, so-to-speak: What you really expect to happen and the expectations you hold about yourself, both of which are likely, primarily subconscious.

You can uncover negative expectations by stating what you desire, or an affirmation about it, and pay attention to what your inner voice says immediately afterwards. The voice will either support or refute the possibility of what you desire ever happening. This voice repeats what you learned and absorbed from others about how life works, or how life for someone of your social-, income-, or education-level (gender, age, etc.) works.

Then there are the expectations you hold about yourself. These come from comments, observed actions, and energetic beliefs others held about you that were communicated to you and then carried by you into your experiences, past and current (and future), and have more power over you than any affirmation or action you take.

Set aside time to list expectations you’ve carried about yourself and about your life. Example: If you’re a woman, and depending on your age, you may have been raised with the expectation that your husband would support you financially; and, maybe your reality is that you either have to or have chosen to support yourself. Can you see the potential contrasts and conflicts that could come up for you about this and how they may defeat your success and joy in doing this? If you’re a man, what expectations were placed on you about making a living and making a life, or expected behaviors?

Contrasts that create current confusions can be found in your personality blueprint. If you carry expectations that demand you feel and do things that are not in your blueprint, you will feel like you’re on a hamster wheel going nowhere, or not far, or even backwards. You may be expected by others, or may expect yourself, to be someone who goes into the world like a powerhouse and does things in a particular way; yet, your blueprint may show that to succeed and be fulfilled you need to follow a very different path; or the reverse may be true for you. This and other such contrasts create tremendous stress, frustration, and feelings of being a failure that do not have to be your experience.

"Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It's a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do." - Neale Donald Walsch

Walsch’s quote reaches into the heart of the matter; though, I’d add knowing the foundation of who you are needs to be included. Your blueprint can be your soul-felt guide about your true nature and expression, what works best to lead you to success in every area of your life. You can enhance choices, decisions, and how you fulfill your life vision and purpose by shedding negative expectations you carry and trusting what you discover or already know about how you can best express who you authentically are and came here to be. You can become comfortable and confident “in your own skin.”

You don’t have to start the new year with expectations that have not served you so far. Give yourself some time to list as many expectations as come up for you. Pause when they surface and look at them. Ask yourself how they influence your choices, as well as how you feel about yourself and your life. Feel your truth and write these truths down so you can refer back to them.

Go through your blueprint to see where contrasting self-expectations show up and what is revealed about your truest form of expression in all areas of your life, and let this guide you and what you expect. Compare your blueprint with that of your spouse or partner to discover subtle contrasts and what to do about them, and shift unsupportive expectations imposed on each other. See what the blueprint of your child or children shows you about how to help them grow into fulfilled, self-reliant adults. Expand appreciation of yourself and significant others in your life.

Appropriate supportive expectations create desired results.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Reveal what your soul wants to express through Your Personality Blueprint. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com