When Asking WHY Is and Is Not a Good Idea

Something happens, and we want to know Why me? Why this? Why now? But those are not the best questions to ask. When is asking Why the right question?

When something unpleasant happens, we tend to ask why; and often, negative stories quickly get attached as our ego-aspect starts rifling through old emotional files or starts imagining new, equally unpleasant (or worse) scenarios. The ego-aspect tends to embellish what-is, makes it even more dramatic, as though what-is isn’t already enough. If we have difficulty dealing with what-is, we won’t or don’t do better if we make our feelings about what happened even more intense in our mind.

What happens the first time we ask WHY and attach negative stories (or any time we practice negativity) is akin to the earth shifting a bit underfoot. We look down and see we’re standing in a shallow indent. Each subsequent time we follow this mental path, the hole gets a bit deeper. Do this enough times, and with enough emotion, and you eventually find yourself in the hole up to your neck, if not deeper. You may perceive or feel that you’re in so deep that you believe you can’t get out. That isn’t true, though; you can get out. If you’re in really deep, you may have to ask for assistance; but as long as you’re alive and conscious, you can get out.

One way to get out, perhaps the best way, is to change your why question to a how question: How can I heal from here or How can I move forward from here? Just keep in mind that “here” means you start from where you are, not from where your ego-aspect thinks you should be. You don’t have to wait for conditions to be a certain way or for someone to say or do a certain thing: you can start where you are, because it’s an inner journey first and foremost, no matter what.

Another helpful thing to do is to choose peace. This doesn’t mean an outward demonstration of it when you don’t feel it. No “Fake it till you make it”, please. You want genuine inner peace, which opens you in more ways than you might imagine, and leads you into natural, effortless outward demonstrations of the inner peace you feel. Responses you get from others and life when you are peaceful, as opposed to when your emotions are or stay roiled, are as different as night and day. If you want peace, be peace. Easier said than done? Sometimes; but it’s an excellent touchstone or guiding star.

How you attain inner peace is as much a part of the process as having it: it’s something you have to determine for yourself. “Why aren’t I peaceful?” is an unhelpful question that causes the mind to search for and find many things that upset you, in order to respond to your question, but not provide any solution or resolution. “How can I be peaceful?” or “How can I be peace” are effective questions that open your mind to find a better path to follow. A quick answer to this latter question: choose it.

There is a time, however, when WHY is a good question to ask; and it comes from an interview I watched of Evanna Lynch, the young woman who played Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films. She’d read the books in print at the time, and was familiar with the character. When she saw the casting call, she thought, “Someone has to be Luna. Why not me?”

Someone has to be happy, serene, kind, peaceful, peace-promoting, forgiving, generous, spiritually aware, content, loving, fulfilled, in a right relationship, successful, creative, inspired, fun, having fun, employed or employed well, spiritually and emotionally strong, and so forth. Why not you? Think of your own words and follow them with, “Why not me?” The first thing you have to do to receive your good is be open to allowing it in. This “why not me” question unlocks the door.

It’s a question you can apply to anything you imagine or dream about, but perhaps feel some doubt about attaining, achieving, or accomplishing. If you think about it, why not you; especially, if someone has to fill that role, whatever that role may be.

Our inner work is as much about equipping ourselves to move through and beyond challenges with as much grace as we can muster, as it is to smooth some of the rough spots ahead of us on the path before we reach them. Change your questions and you can change your experience of life. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Do You Know Where Your Manifestation and Energy Leaks Are?

You put real effort into improving areas of your life; yet, desired improvements don’t happen as quickly as you’d like or not at all. Could it be that there are one or more leaks you aren’t aware of?

A family member moved her travel trailer from the desert, where it seldom rains, to a location that gets more rainfall. That’s how she discovered a few leaks in her trailer she didn’t know about. My comment to her was, “Nothing like rain to show you where your leaks are.” That’s how life works, as well. It’s not always about an isolated leak big enough to get our attention, it’s sometimes about the ones we don’t “see” for what they are or that we’re so used to that we ignore them, but do see or feel their effects.

Here’s the biggest leak I believe most of us have in common:

In our subconscious mind—and even partially in our conscious mind, we believe our reality is “supposed” to be a certain way. And, that’s exactly how it is. Really think about what this means. What do you actually believe… you know… those thoughts of yours that are prevalent no matter what else you tell yourself? Do you wake every morning and think most of the same thoughts throughout the day, as you did the days before? This is like painting the same landscape on a new canvas almost exactly the same way every day—then wondering why the scene stays the same or when it will ever change.

You—and you’re in good company—likely visualize (think about) what you don’t want or don’t like, with lots of emotion involved… and you get more of what you don’t want or don’t like every day, in some measure. It’s like a dog chasing its tail and griping about the view it believes it “has” or is “forced” to look at.

I’m not religious, but I appreciate the first line of Psalm 96: “Sing to the Lord a new song” (and to yourself and others)—not the same old song you’ve been “singing” every day. Become aware that you amplify any problems or challenges with your perspective about them, which affects your attitude, which affects your words and actions, which determine how you travel through your day and life. Going back to the painting analogy, keep in mind that how you’ll change the scene on the canvas happens first as what you envision in your mind then decide on then follow through on.

In a moment, I’ll give you an effective way to mend energy and manifestation leaks so you start changing the landscape of your life, but first...

Since the holidays are upon us, let’s look at a possible leak-mending “opportunity” that often results in stress: family gatherings. What I’m about to share may help you ease up on yourself and others during such times. I’ve seen several attributes for the following comment, though I first heard it attributed to Ram Das. This comment is brilliant and on target: “If you want to know how enlightened you are, spend a week with your family.” I offer this to encourage you to, hopefully, chuckle at a “common” condition. If you notice any stress during gatherings, just thinking of this statement may lighten your energy. Also, keep in mind that energy flows in both directions: if you find it stressful to be around certain people and their attitudes, you can bet they find it stressful to be around you and your attitude.

The “rain” in our life can be anyone, not just immediate family members, or events… it’s anyone and anything that triggers us, including ourselves with our thoughts. When we’re triggered, we tend to get annoyed at whoever or whatever triggered us, the Universe, and ourselves for “still” being able to be triggered no matter how long we’ve been working on our personal enlightenment. One reason we get triggered about some of the same things repeatedly is because we rely on our thoughts and beliefs to inform and guide us instead of what we KNOW, “know” meaning the Deeper Spiritual Wisdom we’ve gained by paying attention differently. The less you realize you KNOW indicates that you could pay more attention in a deeper way.

As promised, here’s a way to begin to paint your landscape differently, as well as mend leaks you know about, or show up, or before they happen. It’s ancient, proven, and powerful. You can use it during meditation, while you shower, while you drive, or anytime during the day or night.

Think of one or more empowering statements, something that’s a sincere intention for your day or your life. Here are a few I suggest:
●I am always in the right place, at the right time, with the right people, and with the right action.
●I am attuned to my intuition and follow it effortlessly.
●I always have plenty of money to do everything I want and need to do.
●I have all the energy and enthusiasm I need to accomplish whatever I need and choose to today.
●Something about my experience with (fill in the blank) shifts in a positive way today.
●Something wonderful happens in my life today, and everyday.
●Today, I feel deeper appreciation for what I DO have and know that even more waits for me to receive it.
●Today, I allow myself to receive my Good, which comes in many forms and from any of the Universe’s infinite resources.

It’s best if you say your statements aloud and alone, but you can do this in your mind if you’re with others. The process is as follows: Make one of your statements. Then make the “Ah” sound—aloud and sustained (and strong, not wimpy), until you run out of breath. Think about your statement as you make the sound—feel the positive effects of your statement on you and your life. Do this twice for each statement, the first time aloud, the second time to yourself, one statement at a time. As you do this practice, you allow that what you state will or “could” happen or improve in the way or ways you desire, or even better.

Maybe you’ve learned effective methods like the one I provide here. And, maybe you used them for a while then stopped. Have you ever wondered why you do that?

We want different results, but expect them to come from our habituated behaviors—because those behaviors are routine to us—we don’t have to consciously think about whether they create desired results or not. It’s okay if you prefer to “do life” as it shows up for you. You only need to concern yourself with inner and outer shifts if you are discontent. But, if you do want a new (improved) you or experience of life, you have to be aware of, not dwell on, the “old” aspects that no longer serve you, you have to hold a vision of the new version—and most importantly, you have to RENEW the new ways every day—meaning put into practice each day, your improved thoughts, feelings, intentions, and ways you speak and act.

You will continue to find new leaks in your energy and manifestation process because that’s how the human process goes. You can mend new and long-standing leaks so that you don’t experience them again—or ever again experience them the same way as you have been. I’m not saying this is necessarily easy, just doable.

The question is: Will you put this or any other effective method into daily practice? “Life is easy when you do it the hard way and hard when you do it the easy way.” To me this quote means we can be consistent with our proven personal empowerment methods and let life feel and be more effortless, or we can take the “easy” way of not putting effective methods into consistent practice and deal with the results, which is usually life feeling and being difficult, frustrating, or a struggle. Which leaks will you notice and mend this week?

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer is a Life Coach, Author, and provider of Love Who You Really Are, Go for What You Really Want—an 8-week life-changing online coaching course that lets the real you come out and play (you know you want to!), and publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter that blends practical & spiritual approaches to enhance personal power and self-realization through articles, and free downloads, when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com

Are You in Drive or Reverse?

Are you traveling through life or are you on a journey? Are you looking forward or at the past? Your answers reveal a lot about the direction you’re going in and what kind of experiences you’ll have.

Maybe you can relate… It was a major life change for me to move from New York City to my hometown in the deep South, for reasons you might imagine and others you might not. I was on board with it, though: My father had died and my elderly, legally-blind mother who has health issues had friends here, but no family. The decision to move and the moving process was quick and intense, and kept me so focused that I had little time to consider all of my feelings. I was fully committed to the move, so didn’t look back… until I was in my new location. And then I found my focus was more on the rearview mirror of my life than the windshield.

That can happen with any minor, but especially major life shift. In the presence of the unknown and as yet undefined present that contributes to the future, the past offers the comfort of the familiar, even if it contains painful times, as all pasts do. This moment in time can cause us to feel we have a foot in both the past and present, and to forget that our lives are a journey. We may find we move, instead, as travelers who feel pressured by tasks and schedules, as well as real and self-imposed needs for speed. We may feel rushed to get settled, and momentum going in the new life, with more tension than enjoyment or enthusiasm.

We’re told the Universe loves speed; but I think a disclaimer should be added: When the Universe sends us an inspired idea or an opportunity that’s appropriate for us or is one we requested, we are to respond immediately. It doesn’t mean we are required to speed through every moment of life in order to get a nod of approval from the Universe, which will then provide what we need and desire, because we’ve proven ourselves as willing perpetual-motion machines. In fact, that approach can block our energy because we aren’t in flowing give-and-receive mode, we’re in ‘gotta do” mode.

Here’s something relevant Old Bill said to A.J.: “When people are just travelin, they start out with the notion they’re gonna end up someplace by a certain time. They get together what they think they’ll need and head out…. they’re on a schedule. If a detour comes up on the highway or there’s a traffic jam, they get upset. A person on a journey prepares the basics as well, but doesn’t have a schedule–not as such. That person is willin, if not enthusiastic, about enjoyin every second. Might create detours just to see what’s there. Maybe pulls over to watch a sunrise or sunset. Might get out in a rain shower to feel the cool drops on their skin–taste the rain. That kind of person will stop along the way just to talk to people, have a new experience. You can tell a lot about how a person moves through life by how they travel.”

Whenever you have a major life change—or are in need of one, you know that whether you’re prepared for the change or not, you’ve got a lot of feelings going on; and maybe you have time to process them or you don’t, though, eventually they’ll demand some of your time. Even if the change is positive, there’s a level of mourning involved—for the positive aspects that no longer exist and for the comfort the familiar once provided. If we allow ourselves to go overboard with this or to linger in this type of thinking too long, we find ourselves in Reverse instead of in Drive, no matter what we may do to move forward.

An automatic part of any change is setting-up and adjustment time—in a new job or career, relationship—with a new partner or child—or now alone, a new home, or geographic location; and sometimes some or all of these happen at once. This time is more often akin to traveling rather than being on a journey. There’s so much to think about and take care of that demands your attention, all while your feelings and emotions are adjusting, as well. You may find yourself “stopping to smell the roses,” but as memories of the ones you left behind by choice, or not, rather than the “roses” on your new path. If a change is sudden and unexpected, the last thing you may want to do for a while is contemplate what the changes mean in a positive way for you and your life. But, at some point, you must. It’s the only way to find and plant seeds of happiness and fulfillment.

We can understand this type of response is common for many, and we can decide to honor our feelings then invite the potential and possibilities ahead of us into our state of mind and being and lives. That is what life is about, after all. And this may happen for you gradually or in a flurry. Neither way is wrong or right. It’s always best to know yourself, and it’s a good idea to nudge yourself if you stay still or look in the rearview mirror too long.

I invite you to pause and consider, as I did, in which direction your attention is focused, and if your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions behave as supportive fuel to get you where you desire to BE next. Are you traveling with rigid rules so you stay on your or someone else’s schedule, or are you on a journey with adventures and slow times, two-lane detours and major highways, rock and rose gardens? Do you take time to notice and smell the roses, or perhaps to seek out rose gardens—or plant your own? Which practice feels more like the one you truly desire?

[Content in quotation marks excerpted from I Don’t Want to Be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say.]

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce Shafer is a Life Coach, Author, and provider of Love Who You Really Are, Go for What You Really Want—an 8-week life-changing online coaching course that lets the real you come out and play (you know you want to!), and publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter that blends practical & spiritual approaches to enhance personal power and self-realization through articles, and free downloads, when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com