The Words You Speak Become the House You Live In

This article title comes from a poster shared on a social site; the words are a timeless truth. Maybe it’s time to put them into practice by deepening our understanding of what they mean for us individually AND globally.

When I’d initially decided what I wanted to write about this week, I’d planned to include a paragraph from Lynne Twist’s book, The Soul of Money, because of its relevance to the scarcity mindset so many around the world practice in daily life. Then the Boston Marathon event happened on April 15, which inspired me to alter my intended topic. Twist’s words I wanted to share took on even greater importance, took on meaning of an even greater scope, which I believe you’ll understand when you read them.

Here is the paragraph: We think we live in the world. We think we live in a set of circumstances, but we don’t. We live in our conversation about the world and our conversation about the circumstances. When we’re in a conversation about fear and terror, about revenge and anger and retribution, jealously and envy and comparison, then that is the world we inhabit. If we’re in a conversation about possibility, a conversation about gratitude and appreciation for the things in front of us, then that’s the world we inhabit. I used to think that the words we say simply represent our inner thoughts expressed. Experience has taught me that it is also true that words we say create our thoughts and our experience, and even our world. The conversation we have with ourselves and with others—the thoughts that grip our attention—has enormous power over how we feel, what we experience, and how we see the world in that moment.

Soon after news about the Boston Marathon was released, I read many conversations about this event on social sites and in personal e-mails. Understandably, some asked or commented about the kind of world we live in. I’m in agreement with Lynne Twist that we live in a world created by our conversations, public and private. The world, which includes you and me, needs healing – because we need healing. And we can engage this process by first healing our own conversations. The words being spoken by each of us are, indeed, influencing the world house we live in, beginning with ourselves.

The thoughts, feelings, and beliefs we start with—our conversations—are what our experiences and results will be. As I thought about this, I imagined a GPS unit that was designed to follow and match our thoughts, which, if you think about it, is what happens with our self-conditioning that leads to “self-fulfilling prophecies,” and the Law of Attraction that matches experiences to our emotion-based feelings, without discretion. We program ourselves and our experiences akin to how we program GPS units, through our conversations with ourselves and others; yet, we are sometimes or often surprised about the destination we arrive at.

We can tell ourselves anything about anyone or any thing or matter; it really is our choice. But our stories are more often than not limited in perspective, because they are based on our perspective. This begs the question: What does anyone tell themselves in order to convince them or others to do something that harms others without regard, whether that’s at the severity level of 9/11 or the Boston Marathon (or some of the other events that are even more severe or ongoing), or cause relied-on pensions to deplete or disappear, commit crimes against or mistreat individuals, or any number of actions that never serve and honor the good of humanity or individuals (both those who do such acts and those who such acts are done to)? Any such actions always begin, always are seeded, as conversations with the self first then with others, if others are to be involved.

We can easily condemn those who commit such acts as with the marathon and any other events that span our individual and shared histories, but we are also called upon to examine our own behaviors in our personal and other relationships. Are they what they could be? Are our conversations with those we share our personal, professional, community, or spiritual life with what they could be? If not, we can or must begin there. We can look at those conversations and see what we can do to improve them.

Granted, there may be some, in our personal lives especially, who, without their collaboration, we cannot co-create a better relationship, but we can choose the conversations we have about that, as well. Not always easy, because it’s so tempting to appease the ego-aspect that wants to feel justified in carrying negativity (and acting on it), but it is doable. If we can’t collaborate, we can, at least, endeavor to find ways to cooperate or co-exist, as much as possible. And, yes, I’m well aware of the challenges inherent in this suggestion. The challenges present us with opportunities. There is a lot to do, or often is; but as with any worthy goal, dream, or improvement, you have to start where you are and keep going.

A friend included this line in an e-mail to me: “Keep your path filled with Light.” I responded that my path will be filled with Light if I am filled with Light, that I am the light-bringer in my life. I am the one who illuminates my path (or casts shadows upon it); and that, of course, this gets into my relationship with Source and with my self. This is also a conversation that each of us might consider having with ourselves.

One way we as individuals, and all the way up to global leaders, can begin to improve our conversations with ourselves and others, is to ask better or right questions. Randy Pausch said, “The questions are always more important than the answers.” He makes a strong point, when you consider what this really means: It means examining situations and considering solutions with different “eyes”, with more conscious awareness, especially about how all life is interconnected and interdependent.

Kurt Wright, in his book Breaking the Rules: Removing the Obstacles to Effortless High Performance, offers many sets of questions throughout the book. But here are five questions that open right dialogues and stimulate productive conversations for improvements that serve need, not greed – or hate.

1. What’s right? Or What’s working?
2. What makes it right? Or Why does it work?
3. What would be ideally right? Or What would work ideally?
4. What’s not yet quite right?
5. What resources can I find to make it right?

Many people are engaging in the wrong kinds of conversations with themselves and others. I venture to say that each of us do this when our ego-aspect is driving the bus rather than our TRUE spirit-aspect that comes from conscious awareness, not dogma of any kind. All we have to do is look around us to see this is true with our own lives and relationships, the economy, education, the environment, etc.

Different, that is, better, conversations are needed. We need solutions, yes, but too often we rush ahead without exploring right questions, which would lead to right solutions rather than just expedient ones that may or may not create better short- and long-term results for all or the majority involved. Perhaps we could borrow a phrase segment from the Hippocratic Oath to use as a foundation that supports any conversation we engage in, and what comes of it: do no harm or injustice.

We can choose words of hate, anger, revenge, arrogance, fear, scarcity, oppression, unkindness, and so on. We can choose words of love, appreciation, compassion, spiritual trust, abundance, kindness, and so on. We can choose to practice improving our conversational skills in ways that open true dialogues and connection and collaboration or cooperation. This has to start with each of us, with the conversations we have with ourselves then with others, to eventually make a difference on a larger scale. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.            

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The 3-in-1 Path to Any Desired Outcome

One simple question that includes the 3-in-1 path, asked consistently, can lead to your desired outcomes. Do you know what it is?

I won’t make you wait. Here it is: “Do my thoughts, words, and actions lead me toward or away from my desired outcome?” Pretty straight-forward, don’t you think? I do want to say something about desired outcomes: it’s best if they’re aligned with and for your highest good or the highest good of all involved. Negative or out-of-harmony intentions always find a way to bite you on the bum!

Let’s look at the 3-in-1: Thoughts, words, and actions. Each are important, but one always affects the other two, and all three always work together as one energy transmission to yourself, others, and the Universe. You won’t speak or act in anger if your thoughts are peaceful or appreciative. And your thoughts won’t be peaceful or appreciative if you speak and/or act from anger. This is, of course, true for any emotion or feeling.

Just so you’re clear, I’m not saying anger (or any emotion you don’t desire to feel) is a bad thing and that you shouldn’t engage it; after all, it’s there to get your attention on what’s not working for you. I am saying you can feel anger (or any emotion you don’t desire to feel) and still communicate what you need to from a place of inner peace, or at least a calmer demeanor, even or especially if you need a bit of time to get into this “space”. Thoughts, words, and actions can be and are choices, and choices always create results or consequences. This is one reason the question works in and on your behalf at all times. So, let’s look at the three aspects.

Thoughts are about more than just having them; about more than just thinking positive. They are also about deeper contemplations that lead you to make significant connections, like connect-the-dots drawings, to reveal and see the bigger, holistic picture you, others, and Source are a part of. They’re like one of those starter fire logs: potential is within them once lit (with enough energy provided, that is), for desired or undesired outcomes, depending on what you do with them. We usually turn thoughts into words.

Words have power. They can heal, they can harm, they can create. They can uplift and support or they can suppress or crush. The moment you speak, you’ve added fuel to the fire, whether that’s kindling to build a cozy fire that provides warmth and comfort, and even to cook, or gasoline that causes an explosion or a fire that burns out of control until time runs it out or something is done to put it out. Thoughts have power. Put them into words and you’ve enhanced or amplified their influence on your cause-and-effect outcome. Speaking words is also an action, as much as any physical action is.

Actions are like pushing down on the accelerator of a car. You’re in motion until you put your foot on the brake to deliberately stop or pause (or you run out of fuel). If you’re on a “good road,” you more than likely have a good travel experience. If you’re on a road under bad, unpleasant, or unfavorable conditions, like ice, you go into a skid or flip, and don’t know the outcome, good or not-good, until you do.

Desired and undesired outcomes don’t come about only as a result of what we think, say, or do deliberately. They also come to us as a result of how we respond or react when under pressure, which shows us what we’ve worked on about ourselves, as well as what still needs work. Both of these paths show us a great deal about what our relationship with ourselves, others, and Source is. Note: every relationship with others and with Source is ultimately a reflection of the one we have with our self. This fact may not be comfortable, and may even be scary, but it is accurate.

Observing ourselves in these ways is a handy assessment tool or method. This isn’t meant to be used for self-judgment, just self-assessment and conscious, deliberate inner work. It’s like an eye exam. You take an eye test, not to pass or fail it, but to take measurements. The results of the measurements show you where you are and what you need, to help you maintain or adjust your vision. It’s the same for your vision of you and your life, others, and Source.

Too often it’s too easy, and even endorsed by society to be “clever” with our comments or opinions, to say or spew whatever we think without thinking about it first. I recently shared a quote on social sites (attribution unknown) that expresses a misunderstanding some people or society in general often have: “Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.” People who practice silence, calmness, and kindness are sometimes viewed in a negative manner, as though personal power can be expressed only through aggression, when the opposite is true and aligned with Truth. Sometimes we focus more on what our ego-aspect thinks it can gain through being “clever” or hurtful or the “winner”, than what we might lose.

In an article for “O” (Oprah’s magazine), Catherine Newman wrote: “…life isn’t about avoiding trouble; it’s about being present, even through the hard stuff, so you don’t miss the very thing you’re trying not to lose.” When we don’t use the 3-in-1 question, we tend to lose something, whether that’s the desired outcome; traction; any advance we’ve made; or confidence or faith in ourselves and/or the process; trust in Source; or even something remarkable within us waiting to be discovered, revealed, and expressed.

You could say the desired outcome to be in harmony and productive collaboration with ourselves, others, and Source is a good and even ultimate one to have. It covers a lot of ground, an expansive territory we call life and our experience of it. The way to attain or accomplish this is to consistently ask: Do my thoughts, words, and actions lead me toward or away from my desired outcome? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

When Asking WHY Is and Is Not a Good Idea

Something happens, and we want to know Why me? Why this? Why now? But those are not the best questions to ask. When is asking Why the right question?

When something unpleasant happens, we tend to ask why; and often, negative stories quickly get attached as our ego-aspect starts rifling through old emotional files or starts imagining new, equally unpleasant (or worse) scenarios. The ego-aspect tends to embellish what-is, makes it even more dramatic, as though what-is isn’t already enough. If we have difficulty dealing with what-is, we won’t or don’t do better if we make our feelings about what happened even more intense in our mind.

What happens the first time we ask WHY and attach negative stories (or any time we practice negativity) is akin to the earth shifting a bit underfoot. We look down and see we’re standing in a shallow indent. Each subsequent time we follow this mental path, the hole gets a bit deeper. Do this enough times, and with enough emotion, and you eventually find yourself in the hole up to your neck, if not deeper. You may perceive or feel that you’re in so deep that you believe you can’t get out. That isn’t true, though; you can get out. If you’re in really deep, you may have to ask for assistance; but as long as you’re alive and conscious, you can get out.

One way to get out, perhaps the best way, is to change your why question to a how question: How can I heal from here or How can I move forward from here? Just keep in mind that “here” means you start from where you are, not from where your ego-aspect thinks you should be. You don’t have to wait for conditions to be a certain way or for someone to say or do a certain thing: you can start where you are, because it’s an inner journey first and foremost, no matter what.

Another helpful thing to do is to choose peace. This doesn’t mean an outward demonstration of it when you don’t feel it. No “Fake it till you make it”, please. You want genuine inner peace, which opens you in more ways than you might imagine, and leads you into natural, effortless outward demonstrations of the inner peace you feel. Responses you get from others and life when you are peaceful, as opposed to when your emotions are or stay roiled, are as different as night and day. If you want peace, be peace. Easier said than done? Sometimes; but it’s an excellent touchstone or guiding star.

How you attain inner peace is as much a part of the process as having it: it’s something you have to determine for yourself. “Why aren’t I peaceful?” is an unhelpful question that causes the mind to search for and find many things that upset you, in order to respond to your question, but not provide any solution or resolution. “How can I be peaceful?” or “How can I be peace” are effective questions that open your mind to find a better path to follow. A quick answer to this latter question: choose it.

There is a time, however, when WHY is a good question to ask; and it comes from an interview I watched of Evanna Lynch, the young woman who played Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films. She’d read the books in print at the time, and was familiar with the character. When she saw the casting call, she thought, “Someone has to be Luna. Why not me?”

Someone has to be happy, serene, kind, peaceful, peace-promoting, forgiving, generous, spiritually aware, content, loving, fulfilled, in a right relationship, successful, creative, inspired, fun, having fun, employed or employed well, spiritually and emotionally strong, and so forth. Why not you? Think of your own words and follow them with, “Why not me?” The first thing you have to do to receive your good is be open to allowing it in. This “why not me” question unlocks the door.

It’s a question you can apply to anything you imagine or dream about, but perhaps feel some doubt about attaining, achieving, or accomplishing. If you think about it, why not you; especially, if someone has to fill that role, whatever that role may be.

Our inner work is as much about equipping ourselves to move through and beyond challenges with as much grace as we can muster, as it is to smooth some of the rough spots ahead of us on the path before we reach them. Change your questions and you can change your experience of life. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

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