Go With vs. Get into the Flow

“Go with the flow” was and still is a popular thing to say and attitude to have. But what about “Get into the flow”? Is there really a difference? I say yes.

I think there is a difference, or at least, I feel one at an inner level, so trust that feeling in how I relate to my experiences. For me, going with the flow represents a couple of attitudes. One attitude is when things are going a certain way and you flow with it, say, like instead of trying to control what happens at a dinner party or picnic, you just allow the experience to unfold and are in the now with whatever happens. Another go-with-the-flow attitude is when something happens that your ego-aspect wants to resist but you release the resistance. This doesn’t mean you don’t take action, if action is needed, but you quiet your resistant ego-aspect and engage your mind and spirit instead so that you have presence of mind as needed.

What prompted me to perceive a difference between go with the flow and get into the flow was when I heard or read (I don’t recall how or who) “It’s not about what you can get from the flow, but that you get into the flow.” Often, we think of go with the flow as a way to get what we need or desire from the flow—the Universal Energy-Matching Marketplace—whether that’s a feeling or something tangible. But that has a certain passive energy to it. Get into the flow, for me, has a feeling of serene inner action that’s highly attractive to the Good that Source wants me to enjoy and benefit from. It says to me that I’m not just going along, but am engaged with aligning my energy with the flow, order, and creative consciousness of Source. It says I’m in partnership with Source. Maybe that’s just me, but I feel a true difference between the two statements. It’s the difference between having access to one or a few items you need or desire and having unlimited access to what you need or desire.

Ever have one of those moments, events, or days when it appears that if something can go wrong, it seems to? That’s a time when both go with the flow and get into the flow can make a difference, and for me, they happen in that order, if I wasn’t in the flow to start with—which happens. While living in New York City, I was to set up a booth at an event. The event was one I not only looked forward to but carefully planned for. My handouts, business cards, and artificial bonsai tree were packed and ready to go in my wheeled suitcase the day before the event. It was scheduled to start at noon and last until two o'clock; which meant I needed to be at the site for 11:30 so I could set up my table. I was ready!

The morning of the event, I went through my usual meditative routine, and included my mantra, used especially when I have to commute or travel: I'm always in the right place at the right time with the right action and the right people. Using the subway on a Saturday means you have to allow extra time for a slower commute; for me, about an 80-minute ride to my destination. If I left by 10 a.m., I'd have enough time for the ride and to walk to the site. I didn't leave my apartment until almost 10:15. Pulling my weighted suitcase on the bumpy sidewalk, I made it to the subway station, a 15-minute walk without a suitcase. The entrance was roped off because the interior was being painted. I'm always in the right place . . .

I repeated my mantra as I quickly pulled my suitcase the eight blocks north to the next subway stop, also roped off. My brain went into gear: There wasn't enough time for me to keep walking north until I found an open station. I didn't have enough cash on me to take car service as far as the site, nor did I want to pay around $70 for a ride that cost $2.50 on the subway. And, that was just one way.

A note on a post caught my attention: It advised subway riders to use one of the shuttle buses they provided because of this (I hadn’t seen that sign at my original subway entrance). I crossed the street to where others stood at a regular bus stop. A woman explained what I had to do. I checked my watch; it was 10:40. The bus pulled up, I got on, and asked the driver if he was taking us to the next transfer station where I could catch the train. "It's not running there,” he told me. “You have to go to the transfer station after that one." Only 18 blocks, but to my now-getting-a-little-concerned ego-aspect, it seemed like 18 miles. I'm always in the right place . . .

I hurried down the steps to the subway platform. An express train was there and I flew through its doors and got a seat. At the main transfer station, I changed to the express train that would take me to my stop on Manhattan's Upper West Side. It was 11:20 and I was at a station in Lower Manhattan when I realized there was no express service in the city on Saturday; we'd make every local stop.

Understand, I wasn't upset or losing it, though I was bemused; then I was amused as I realized this was an opportunity to really practice what I preach. There was no way I could arrive frazzled and tout coaching to get peaceful, poised, on purpose, and empowered. I laughed to myself and believed it would all be fine. I chose to have an inner and outer experience that I'm always in the right place . . . What was happening at the inner level up to this point was I was going with the flow—until I had this realization on the train. At that moment, I got into the flow.

Remarkably, I arrived at the site at 11:45, ready to get set up and meet and greet the people. The room wasn't ready, and everyone hosting a table stood around looking not too happy. We didn't get our room until 12:15. It took no time for me to set up, so I started helping everyone who said they needed extra hands. I was the only one there who seemed to be in a good mood; everyone else seemed or was stressed. I activated my clown chakra and got some of them to smile and several to laugh. I was not just going with the flow: I was in it, a part of it.

At first blush, it might have appeared that lots of things went wrong. However, every time something seemed to go awry, something terrific followed it, because of both going with and then being in the flow. I chose to be the experience I wished to have. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.          

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

How in Control Are You?

Control is something we tend to battle with, whether it’s self-control or control of others or circumstances. Maybe if we better understand what we are meant to be in control of, we can shift from battle to more harmony.

A good question to start with is, What are you supposed to be in control of? “You are here to CREATE the world around you that YOU choose, while you ALLOW the world – as others choose it to be – to exist, also. But while THEIR choices in no way hinder YOUR choices, your attention to their choices does affect your vibration, and therefore your point of attraction.” (Abraham-Hicks. The capitalized words should be in italics. The changes are mine for publishing reasons.)

You could take the first part of the above statement to mean we are meant to be in this world, but not OF it, which has been said before. We are meant to understand we are more than we tend to believe we are. That we are spiritual in nature and therefore empowered in ways we’ve forgotten and now desire to re-Mind ourselves of, even if we don’t know to identify what we feel as being this.

But what about this: We are here to create the world around us as we choose AND allow the world as others choose it to be? Seems like a complicated contrast, at least to our ego self. Well, what if we are meant to create and control our INNER world in relationship with how we experience others and the outer world? This circles back to being in the world but not of it, to remember we are eternally spiritual beings and only temporarily physical.

To further this awareness and your desired results, it is VITAL that you become aware of the connection or relationship between YOUR thoughts and feelings with YOUR experiences. Until you do this – pay attention in this way – you and your life will feel out of your control. Can you look back and readily find examples of this? I certainly can. And, once you can look back in this way, you can also direct your thoughts forward with more awareness.

Then, there’s the last part of that quote about putting our attention on the choices of others and how this affects our own attracting vibrations. This is a matter of control on more than one level. I discuss a few aspects of how we tend to focus this way in the next paragraphs.

We tend, more often than not, to think and feel in response to what we PERCEIVE about what we see or hear from others, since others are usually involved in the circumstances we experience. If we perceive something as good, we feel good – and it’s the same for the opposite. When we perceive something as negative, we can believe we have little to no control over how we feel at that time – because we feel we are not in control of events or others. Our desired inner world contrasts with our experience of the outer world created by one or more others or us. At such times, we make our desire to feel we control what’s external to us more important than controlling what’s going on at the inner level.

What often happens when we feel out of control about events is we then try to control as much of the world, our environment, and others and their choices as we can or can get away with. We do this to RELIEVE the unpleasant or even painful feelings we experience, rather than looking at and learning something about ourselves by looking at our feelings and what they transmit as our energetic vibrations (and their effects), and then doing something about this - first.

Trying to control circumstances (instead of collaborating with life, starting at the inner level) leaves us perpetually frustrated because there will always be another circumstance and another and another. We are meant to be in control of our inner world, not the outer, which is a shared creation and experience; though, control of the inner influences the outer. We, and only we, can always and are always in control of our inner world. We just tend to forget or ignore this, especially in the heat of a moment that stirs our emotions in response to any resistance we feel. This happens, and we can shift it.

We are gifted with the ability and the right to influence our own lives and experiences, not the lives and experiences of others. Our egos find this especially painful when contrasts happen in our closest relationships, or what feels close to us about our desired experiences and results. This is because we also tend to forget that just as we are here to create and have our own experiences, so are others. If we make what they choose and do ours emotionally (though, we can be empathetic and provide assistance), we abandon pure focus (vibration) on what we desire. We can look for ways that what we desire for us and for another or others overlap, without infringing on their right to their (or our) personal evolution.

In any relationship – intimate, professional, or social – you are always in control of how you participate. Your ego may not like events at times, but when you choose, with conscious awareness, how you participate, you will experience the self-control you desire. And, you will feel better about yourself and your participation in this physical experience that is always unfolding, always shifting, in response to your vibrations and the vibrations of those you share this physical experience with.

It is also important to look beyond what-is. What-is is only the result of past vibrations. What-is-possible is always available to match your improved vibrations. We’re told to face facts, but “facts” are only the results just mentioned, as well as perceptions. There are as many perceptions as there are people perceiving. But, something, whether inner or outer – but especially inner – can always be shifted about what-is.

Our need to feel in control relates to a desire to feel successful in any moment and area of our lives. Success can be tricky because – what does it really mean? It has as many meanings as there are individuals to think those meanings. But, why do we, ultimately, want success of any kind? To feel joy!

We’ve been swayed in our perception about what success is because of how success and worth have been linked. Is a miserable person of wealth really more successful than a truly happy person of modest means? Isn’t the ideal to FEEL abundant and joyful at the same time, whatever this looks like? Yet, how often is success presented to us in this way? The world’s interpretation of success has caused us to feel not in control of ourselves and our lives, unless we match some ambiguous image of what success in any area of our life “should” look like, instead of what it means to us individually.

Feeling out of control about circumstances is a flashing signal that lets us know we have “unplugged” from Source’s stream of well-being (as Abraham calls it), not that Source has unplugged us. We just need to plug ourselves back in. Abundance and joy are meant to be ours, not as a result of struggle or deserving, but as a result of harmony and flow that comes from understanding that Source always supplies and never denies, and how Law of Attraction works, and using it.

If you really want to feel and be in control, aim to be in control of your inner world first. Re-set your success standard to one of feeling as good as you can, as often as you can, and joyful and in a state of appreciation as often as possible. This, after all, is the transmitted vibration that you desire to have Law of Attraction match, in as many ways as it’s able to, which is more ways than you can imagine. This desired feeling is what motivates your every thought, word, and action. Feel this way by choice first so that your preferences can connect with you with less or no “static interference” between you and what matches your vibration.

If your primary mode of operation has been resistance, this new mode will take practice. But, it’s a practice that will result in you feeling and having more conscious control over your choices and therefore your experiences and outcomes.

Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer

What Is a Short Temper Fuse Really About?

We all experience having a short fuse at times, though some seem to have this more often. What’s really going on; and can two simple methods make a difference?

Thoughts that motivated my recent article, “Do You Experience Mixed Feelings About Being Patient and Tolerant?” didn’t stop when I typed the last word. I’d likened getting to the end of your patience or tolerance to a glass filling with liquid until it spills over. It’s the same with losing—or loosing—your temper.

My thoughts about why some people seem to have shorter “fuses” or what makes ours shorten at times brought to mind that same glass and what must be going on inside it: It either never really empties of negative emotions about many or particular matters, which means a lot of frustration and anger stays in that container—like a larger amount of aged oil under a smaller amount of new water—or maybe it fills up a bit more quickly than we might prefer.

The words temper and temperance nudged me to look up their definitions. I knew that temper meant to modify into proper proportions, which includes feelings, thoughts, words, and actions. My dictionary also mentions to make suitable, desirable, or free from excess by mingling with something else; to moderate, mollify; to fit, adapt; calmness of mind; composure. Temperance is defined as self-restraint in conduct, expression, indulgences; moderation.

Based on these definitions, we are or appear to be in a state of even temper or temperance, until someone does something or something happens that triggers us to think a certain way and attach a personal interpretation or meaning to it that throws us off balance. Our initial thoughts and the ones that follow cause us to lose our composure or self-restraint.

Ah… and there’s a good question to keep in mind: are you more often in a state of composure or one of self-restraint? You can see which of the two would lead to living with a shorter fuse.

It’s likely that deeply angry, frustrated people exist with as much self-restraint as they can muster instead of feeling composed more of the time. So, it makes sense that their ability to stay composed might be hampered at times, which happens to all of us at one time or another. Add anything else into their “mix,” and they can easily short-circuit because they work harder than anyone imagines to maintain self-restraint. If you’ve ever struggled to maintain temper or practiced self-restraint, you understand.

Whether from a psychological or spiritual perspective, short fuse or short-circuit demonstrates a need for a different power operating in your life than you’re using in that moment, and possibly the rest of the time. This power is an inner one—expanded conscious awareness, not will power, which is a self-imposed trap that puts our attention on what we judge as wrong with us. This power is one of head and heart alignment, which allows you to BE in accord with your Best Self and with the fact there is always a bigger-picture dynamic going on, not just the dynamic you identify with.

When we lose our temper, we are doubly frustrated because we identify with the painful fear that envelops us: we fear the loss of something or something more. Think of the last time you felt angry. What did you fear you might lose or felt you had lost? If your answer is, “I don’t know,” here’s my next question: if you DID know, what might it be? This is a great question because it causes your mind to seek, find, and provide the true answer. Once you know that, you can find a way to address the fear and your anger, if you choose to.

Everyone gets angry. It’s a normal human emotion, and a bit like the story, Goldilocks: too much, too little, just right. Severe anger or a consistently short fuse may need management, whether this is addressed by a therapist or counselor, a coach, or a well-written book on the topic.

When you feel angry, it’s important to take up to five slow, deep breaths. This isn’t as lame as it may sound, if you’ve never tried it. Try it now. It will relax you, at least some. When tense, your breath gets shallow; your brain doesn’t get enough oxygen to help you think clearly. It’s easier to temper strained emotions, or choose to, if you can think straight.

Also, every day write down or think about at least five things you appreciate and are thankful for. This IS important, especially if your thoughts stay focused on the “oil” more than the “water.” Even better is to really FEEL your appreciation for whatever you list. Add genuine appreciation thoughts and feelings to your container each day to push out some of the bad energy—displace some of that old oil with fresh, energizing water.

I recall waiting for the express train at Penn Station in Manhattan. All around me were people of different races, cultures, and beliefs. Even though some demonstrated loss of temper, I was awed that we all got along as well as we did in the city—because we made an effort to do so—because there was more to gain and too much to lose if we didn’t make the effort.

My point is to ask you to address loss of temper as needed, and place your focus on how well you actually do, for the most part, and expand this. For example, you know how someone might take a test and get 95 out of 100, but focuses on the fact 5 were missed? We tend to be like that at times: we focus on what’s not working, as though it’s the only truth, and forget to notice and appreciate the percentage that is working, all things considered.

Based on what you’ve read here, what will you appreciate more about you and your life this week?

Practice makes progress.

Do You Experience Mixed Feelings About Being Patient and Tolerant?

Patience and tolerance are behaviors and states of mind to practice, right? How well do you do with them?

Questions about Patience and Tolerance came to me after I spent extended time with someone who couldn’t seem to talk about anything that wasn’t unpleasant. All of us need a dose of healthy venting at times; but what I mean here is non-stop negative chatter about anything and everything, not conversation about a specific matter that genuinely needs attention or compassion. If such chatter goes on overlong, I get the heebie-jeebies.

This person’s tendency is to be this way at times, so I’m not surprised when it happens. However, it was my reaction that got my attention. I noticed I was practicing patience, which meant I was pretending to be patient; and that when my pretend patience waned, I slipped (very briefly) into tolerance, which meant I’d actually slipped into pretend tolerance, which is intolerance.

My dictionary defines patience as bearing or enduring pain, trouble, etc., without complaining or losing self-control; refusing to be provoked or angered; calmly tolerating delay, confusion, inefficiency, etc.; able to wait calmly for something desired. Tolerance is defined as to allow, permit, or not interfere; to recognize and respect others’ beliefs, practices, etc., without sharing them; to bear or put up with someone or something not especially liked. Wow… that’s quite a bit to live up to.

I’d have to say that asking ourselves to uphold these definitions all the time would be asking a lot. But, don’t we usually believe we’re supposed to be this way, and that we’re flawed if we aren’t? We may think we should be more patient or tolerant, but what we ultimately want is to feel differently than we do so we behave differently than we might.

The words we don’t see with the definitions—the words we believe we should feel, which are the source of mixed feelings are, “and you are genuinely in balance about doing so.” The word “calmly” is included in the definitions, but it’s more realistic to say we try to convince ourselves to stay calm, when we know we’re losing our cool. The more we try to suppress what we feel, the more our feelings begin to escape as facial expressions and body language, comments, and actions—like steam from a kettle starting to boil.

Maybe what we actually practice is demonstrating as much self-control as we can muster in moments that try our patience and tolerance. When we were kids, we screamed, cried, and threw stuff—behaviors not considered acceptable in anyone over a certain age. As adults, perhaps we do allow ourselves some leeway… like the point a doctor made about allergies: “Imagine allergens filling your system like liquid fills a glass. You’re fine until the glass is full and spills over. The overflow is when you experience allergies.” I see the parallel to loss of patience and tolerance, which means we could probably give ourselves more credit than we might.

It feels like this to me: In general, we tolerate a level of behaviors and situations because we all have our ways, both good and could-be-better; and we really do desire to get along as well as possible with others and life. When “stuff” piles up, like being rushed, exhausted, have too much going on, too great a personality contrast, etc., our “glass” overflows and we feel less able to “politely” suppress how we really feel. Once we feel pushed too far (more accurately: once we think ourselves into feeling we’ve been pushed too far), we’re no longer able or willing to put up with what annoys us. It’s not about losing patience and tolerance—we will; it’s about what we do when we lose it.

When patience and tolerance are challenging to maintain, or fly out the window, it’s time to look at what’s underneath this. It’s likely that something has continued past its “expiration date.” It could be something external or internal that needs reassessment and adjustment.

It’s likely you have a greater threshold of tolerance and patience at times, say, when you assist someone who’s ill or train a new puppy. It doesn’t mean that you won’t slip if challenged beyond what your “glass” can hold, but you may be slower at being triggered during such times because you have an inner alignment about your role in what’s going on. That’s what’s underneath patience and tolerance, and their opposites: Your level of personal alignment with what’s going on.

Explore what causes you to feel anything but at one with yourself, who you’re with, your environment, or events. There’s a message waiting for you there from your core self—a message about an inner or outer action you need to make to restore inner balance and serenity.

Judgment about yourself, or who or what tries your patience won’t help; it’ll make your symptoms worse because that’s what you focus on rather than the remedy. Take several deep breaths. Maybe walk away from who or what triggers you for several minutes to regain some of your calm. You want to be present enough to ask right questions like, “What’s this really about; and what am I willing to do, with integrity, about it.” Otherwise, you may pretend patience and tolerance, until you no longer can. Then the “steam hits the fan,” when you might have been able to turn down the “flame.”

Practice makes progress.