Self-sabotage is not about lack of willpower; so, you can stop beating yourself up about that one. What it is about may surprise you… and empower you.
Self-sabotage happens when you confront the need to move out of your comfort zone to improve your life experience or make a dream or goal happen. This is one reason willpower doesn’t work.
A few words about willpower…
Have you noticed how well trying to force willpower to work and last… works and lasts? It doesn’t, not really. In fact, it sets you up for heavy-duty self-criticism more than accomplishment and self-fulfillment. You might believe willpower did it for you at some time, but it was awareness, choice, commitment, reminders about intention and desired outcomes and motivational statements made to yourself repeatedly that supported you.
Willpower means self-control (according to my dictionary). We don’t like the word “control;” that is, no one really likes the concept of being controlled. When we attempt self-control, it can feel like a force acting from outside us, which we resist. It’s why regimes and resolutions get tossed. Self-management is far friendlier, more realistic, and doable.
Back to self-sabotage…
Think about something you say you really want to do or a project you need to get done or a change you know needs to happen. If anything about that challenges your comfort zone(s), self-sabotaging behaviors pop up. You may notice this as
Your mind wanders when you need to focus
You convince yourself some other task must be done first or instead of priorities (a real trickster for those who work from home)
Self-doubt creeps in that says you don’t have what it takes to do whatever or to do it “right”
If it’s something you haven’t started or you’ve started but don’t stay consistent about it, you may convince yourself you don’t actually have time and that you can’t make time either… that you have to wait until the perfect time shows up to focus on it
You suddenly feel anxious or exhausted, too much so to be productive or creative—you convince yourself that you can only focus on this project or action when it (you) “feels” right, that you can’t even give it five minutes and see where it goes from there
It’s easy (and preferable) to believe your self-sabotaging aspect points to something outside of you that needs to change before you can be productive, when, in fact, it points to something inside you that requires change. The first thing to change is belief that your sabotaging self is against you. It isn’t. It wants you to see a blocking belief that holds you back or stops you so you do something about that rather than resist, or continue to resist, the need for inner change.
Resistance causes you to believe, temporarily or longer, that your ability to choose is impeded, and even removed in some instances. So, instead of making a decision in your favor, you engage lots of activity (or conversations with others or yourself) or go immobile, with little to no productive action on what’s really important and leads to desired results. This applies to business, weight loss, relationships or dating… any goal that requires you step out of your comfort zone about any improvement you say you truly desire. One big trigger for many is—“If I succeed, what will be expected of me then?”
Taking action will make your sabotaging self go quiet. Here are a few examples of your sabotaging self and you having a different kind of conversation.
SS: So, you want to write a book! Well, if you write it and it isn’t perfect, you’ll humiliate yourself. Save yourself the embarrassment and don’t even try. Go do something else—something safe, like house or yard work.
You: Maybe you’re right and maybe you’re wrong. I won’t know unless I prove one or the other correct. So, I’m going to write anyway. I may write only one paragraph or even just one sentence a day. And then I’ll write another and another, and take it from there.
SS: You’re overwhelmed! There’s too much to do and think about, so do nothing for now…or for longer…or rake leaves or do something that doesn’t challenge you but lets you feel busy.
You: There is a lot to do, but I’m going to make a list and prioritize it. Then I’m going to make a schedule that helps me address priorities and get to it, one item at a time.
SS: Don’t focus on your priority. Think about all those other things on your to-do list.
You: I’m going to give at least an hour or two of full focus each day to my priority, until it’s done. I’ll attend to other matters, as well, but my priorities will get done. [I wish I’d made note of who said this: “Make your to-do items your Ta-Da! items.”]
Your sabotaging self waves its hand for your attention. Fear gets triggered. Clarity of thought disappears—it’s like mind static. Your conscious mind doesn’t clearly hear what your sabotaging self is saying because of the static—which is why you don’t know specifically what’s bothering you, but you feel its effects. A remedy is to look at what you were supposed to do when you did something else instead or are about to. What’s up with that? A fact is that sometimes you really do need to do something else or something else first, or genuinely need to rest; but, you know the difference between a real need and avoidance.
The example conversations showed you can hear what your sabotaging self says to you (to get your attention, not actually to stop you in your tracks) and then do the opposite. The thing is that once you do this enough times or one really good time, your sabotaging self will put a checkmark by that item and never bring it up again. It won’t need to. It will be a block you’ve overcome. Your sabotaging self wants to help you get over fear of taking calculated risks so you can receive rewards you desire.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
Showing posts with label success tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label success tips. Show all posts
Monday, August 29, 2011
Friday, August 13, 2010
What Do You Want and What Stops You from Having It?
During the final moments of your life, you aren’t going to review what title you held or your bank balance. You’re going to review what you feel about how you experienced your life.
This is your opportunity to answer the following questions with no limitations, no judgment or criticism of your answers. This is between you and you. Remind yourself that at the end of your life, you want to know you found a way to let the splendor within you express itself.
Deep within you is the kernel of your purpose—the essence of what it is that is your ultimate gift to be given while you are here. (Your true ultimate gift is to be your authentic self.) So, how do you define or find your life purpose? You do not define your purpose as much as you distill it. The way to get to a one-sentence statement that accurately expresses your purpose is to start with the questions—
• What makes you feel truly alive? (You do know what this is.)
• What is it that you feel in those moments when you’re doing this?
• In what way does this allow you to believe you are being of service to others in a manner that is appropriate for you?
• What might you do to make this a part of everything you engage in?
It’s best if you write your answers then distill them into one concise life-mission statement. Making people laugh or feel better IS considered a life purpose. How you do this is up to you.
You may have many things you would like to do. Make a list of them and mark through them with a high-lighter as you accomplish them over the course of your life. For now, select the one very important thing you want to focus on. This can involve career, family, education, spirituality, or any area of concern—whatever is important to you.
What I’d really love to do is . . .
Now, describe it in even more detail. Really make it come alive here. What does your life look or feel like, on all levels, as you live this reality?
WHAT IT WILL COST YOU TO MAKE YOUR DREAM HAPPEN?
Will you have to confront negative beliefs about yourself? Give up some spare time or rearrange your routine or schedule to develop your plan and take action? Give up some anonymity, time with family, or fears? Really think about this.
If you’ve stumbled over or sabotaged your success in life, ask yourself if there was ever a moment when someone said something to you that caused you to believe success, especially financial success, came with a penalty. Does any person or event come to mind? You may be holding a feeling of needing to punish yourself (guilt if you do well) or punish another (which punishes you). Becoming aware of this block is the first step to removing it from your life.
WHAT IT WILL COST YOU IF YOU DON’T MAKE IT HAPPEN?
What will it cost you, personally, if you don’t do this? Will you deny your life’s purpose or see yourself as not deserving better? Will you remain in a self-imposed prison without bars, possibly based on someone else’s opinions or fears?
It’s possible you’ve already paid this cost long enough. Set yourself free from it.
(Partial excerpt from How to Have What You REALLY Want)
You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer
This is your opportunity to answer the following questions with no limitations, no judgment or criticism of your answers. This is between you and you. Remind yourself that at the end of your life, you want to know you found a way to let the splendor within you express itself.
Deep within you is the kernel of your purpose—the essence of what it is that is your ultimate gift to be given while you are here. (Your true ultimate gift is to be your authentic self.) So, how do you define or find your life purpose? You do not define your purpose as much as you distill it. The way to get to a one-sentence statement that accurately expresses your purpose is to start with the questions—
• What makes you feel truly alive? (You do know what this is.)
• What is it that you feel in those moments when you’re doing this?
• In what way does this allow you to believe you are being of service to others in a manner that is appropriate for you?
• What might you do to make this a part of everything you engage in?
It’s best if you write your answers then distill them into one concise life-mission statement. Making people laugh or feel better IS considered a life purpose. How you do this is up to you.
You may have many things you would like to do. Make a list of them and mark through them with a high-lighter as you accomplish them over the course of your life. For now, select the one very important thing you want to focus on. This can involve career, family, education, spirituality, or any area of concern—whatever is important to you.
What I’d really love to do is . . .
Now, describe it in even more detail. Really make it come alive here. What does your life look or feel like, on all levels, as you live this reality?
WHAT IT WILL COST YOU TO MAKE YOUR DREAM HAPPEN?
Will you have to confront negative beliefs about yourself? Give up some spare time or rearrange your routine or schedule to develop your plan and take action? Give up some anonymity, time with family, or fears? Really think about this.
If you’ve stumbled over or sabotaged your success in life, ask yourself if there was ever a moment when someone said something to you that caused you to believe success, especially financial success, came with a penalty. Does any person or event come to mind? You may be holding a feeling of needing to punish yourself (guilt if you do well) or punish another (which punishes you). Becoming aware of this block is the first step to removing it from your life.
WHAT IT WILL COST YOU IF YOU DON’T MAKE IT HAPPEN?
What will it cost you, personally, if you don’t do this? Will you deny your life’s purpose or see yourself as not deserving better? Will you remain in a self-imposed prison without bars, possibly based on someone else’s opinions or fears?
It’s possible you’ve already paid this cost long enough. Set yourself free from it.
(Partial excerpt from How to Have What You REALLY Want)
You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer
Thursday, February 11, 2010
What Is Your Gift, and Do You Share It?
Your gift is what you do in your unique way. Ironically, you may do it so naturally, you don’t recognize it for what it is or realize what you might do with it.
Whatever you do in life, you can have a more joyful, meaningful experience if you shine the light on and share what is unique about you. We sometimes assume the way we do something is how everyone does it. This isn’t necessarily, and usually isn’t, the case. This is why something you do that you don’t think is very special or unique might be seen as very special or unique by someone else.
One of the fastest ways to identify or confirm this is to ask others. You can ask friends, family, clients, co-workers what they believe is unique about you. This is a good thing to do because you can pay attention to what their comments have in common.
I applied this to a friend of mine, a licensed therapist, who is highly skilled at what she does. What I perceive as natural for her is how she demonstrates the importance of including fun and humor in life, no matter what challenges may be happening. Not surprising is that she dreams of doing seminars, especially in corporate environments, to teach why appropriate humor and fun in the workplace are beneficial to well-being, creativity, and success. In her personal life, she lives what she desires to do. Yes, others do similar seminars; but she, especially with her background, could do it in a unique way.
You will benefit by asking this question of others, but you may have to work with the wording. I was told by one friend that she relies on me to tell her the truth, when she approaches me with a difficult challenge she’s having. Another friend said I help people feel good about themselves and about what they do, meaning that I support people when they struggle with an issue, and leave judgment out of the equation.
I looked at these two responses and recognized what was being said. I listen to people with more than my ears. I perceive what they don’t—stories they’re telling themselves, their limiting beliefs. I help them see what they’re missing because they’re too close to a situation or too used to it. I perceive the small bits and the bigger picture. I validate them. I help them shift something so they can move forward. And, I’ve always done this—in my unique way. I recall wishing in the early ‘90s, that there was a way I could do what I did so naturally, as a living. Then I read an article about a new field: life coaching. I felt like that old Reese’s candy commercial—the chocolate fell into the peanut butter, and a winning combination was created.
Sometimes it’s about what you do that you want to do in a unique way, but believe others would think something negative if you did it or, “Who would pay me to do that?!” Someone I know coached a divorce attorney who realized he didn’t like the bickering or nastiness some of his clients engaged in, especially when children were involved. He wanted to work solely with people who wanted peaceful divorces. He clarified his niche and was passionate about it. This allowed him to be clear about his services and ideal clients when he created his promotional materials. He never lacks clients. There was a ready market waiting for such an attorney—even if they weren’t aware of it.
If you love to make people laugh, does this mean your gift is less important than a heart surgeon’s skill? We know now about the healing qualities of laughter. If you’re able to make people laugh and ease the stings—or blows—that come into people’s lives, why wouldn’t you share that? Could you write articles, books, or Blogs in a way that changes people’s lives or entertains them in their preferred world of fiction? Could you combine your love of skydiving and spirituality to teach “flying at a whole new level”? This last one reminds you that you may have more than one gift and know you are happier if you can do some of each or find a way to merge them.
What might it cost you to identify your gift—that which is unique about you—and then share it—and, even be compensated for it? Will you have to confront negative beliefs about yourself? Give up some spare time or rearrange your routine to develop your plan and take action?
What will it cost you, personally, if you don’t do this? Will you deny your life’s purpose or see yourself as not deserving better life experiences? Will you remain in a self-imposed prison without bars, possibly based on someone else’s opinions or fears?
The real you—who you are—has a level of splendor within that can make a difference in your life and the lives of others, but only if you express it.
Focus+Meaning+Choice=Your Desired Experiences. Is it time to learn how to more effortlessly have desired experiences in life and business? Let the 4-week Reinvent Yourself coaching program or e-book of the program materials show you how. You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com)—Sign up now for the 4-week Valentine’s Coaching Special (sign-up deadline is Feb. 14/program starts when you sign up) or let the e-book guide you. Fall in Love with Your Life! Details at http://tinyurl.com/yljhw4b
Whatever you do in life, you can have a more joyful, meaningful experience if you shine the light on and share what is unique about you. We sometimes assume the way we do something is how everyone does it. This isn’t necessarily, and usually isn’t, the case. This is why something you do that you don’t think is very special or unique might be seen as very special or unique by someone else.
One of the fastest ways to identify or confirm this is to ask others. You can ask friends, family, clients, co-workers what they believe is unique about you. This is a good thing to do because you can pay attention to what their comments have in common.
I applied this to a friend of mine, a licensed therapist, who is highly skilled at what she does. What I perceive as natural for her is how she demonstrates the importance of including fun and humor in life, no matter what challenges may be happening. Not surprising is that she dreams of doing seminars, especially in corporate environments, to teach why appropriate humor and fun in the workplace are beneficial to well-being, creativity, and success. In her personal life, she lives what she desires to do. Yes, others do similar seminars; but she, especially with her background, could do it in a unique way.
You will benefit by asking this question of others, but you may have to work with the wording. I was told by one friend that she relies on me to tell her the truth, when she approaches me with a difficult challenge she’s having. Another friend said I help people feel good about themselves and about what they do, meaning that I support people when they struggle with an issue, and leave judgment out of the equation.
I looked at these two responses and recognized what was being said. I listen to people with more than my ears. I perceive what they don’t—stories they’re telling themselves, their limiting beliefs. I help them see what they’re missing because they’re too close to a situation or too used to it. I perceive the small bits and the bigger picture. I validate them. I help them shift something so they can move forward. And, I’ve always done this—in my unique way. I recall wishing in the early ‘90s, that there was a way I could do what I did so naturally, as a living. Then I read an article about a new field: life coaching. I felt like that old Reese’s candy commercial—the chocolate fell into the peanut butter, and a winning combination was created.
Sometimes it’s about what you do that you want to do in a unique way, but believe others would think something negative if you did it or, “Who would pay me to do that?!” Someone I know coached a divorce attorney who realized he didn’t like the bickering or nastiness some of his clients engaged in, especially when children were involved. He wanted to work solely with people who wanted peaceful divorces. He clarified his niche and was passionate about it. This allowed him to be clear about his services and ideal clients when he created his promotional materials. He never lacks clients. There was a ready market waiting for such an attorney—even if they weren’t aware of it.
If you love to make people laugh, does this mean your gift is less important than a heart surgeon’s skill? We know now about the healing qualities of laughter. If you’re able to make people laugh and ease the stings—or blows—that come into people’s lives, why wouldn’t you share that? Could you write articles, books, or Blogs in a way that changes people’s lives or entertains them in their preferred world of fiction? Could you combine your love of skydiving and spirituality to teach “flying at a whole new level”? This last one reminds you that you may have more than one gift and know you are happier if you can do some of each or find a way to merge them.
What might it cost you to identify your gift—that which is unique about you—and then share it—and, even be compensated for it? Will you have to confront negative beliefs about yourself? Give up some spare time or rearrange your routine to develop your plan and take action?
What will it cost you, personally, if you don’t do this? Will you deny your life’s purpose or see yourself as not deserving better life experiences? Will you remain in a self-imposed prison without bars, possibly based on someone else’s opinions or fears?
The real you—who you are—has a level of splendor within that can make a difference in your life and the lives of others, but only if you express it.
Focus+Meaning+Choice=Your Desired Experiences. Is it time to learn how to more effortlessly have desired experiences in life and business? Let the 4-week Reinvent Yourself coaching program or e-book of the program materials show you how. You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com)—Sign up now for the 4-week Valentine’s Coaching Special (sign-up deadline is Feb. 14/program starts when you sign up) or let the e-book guide you. Fall in Love with Your Life! Details at http://tinyurl.com/yljhw4b
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Reinventing Your Self and Your Business Is a Process (Watch Out for Resistance!)
Many of us used to consider it a luxury to choose to reinvent ourselves or our businesses. At present, many find themselves thrust into this position by the economy.
Last year, before effects of the economy really kicked in, I had my moment where I decided to reinvent particular aspects of how I experience my life and business. Like an ever-expanding number of people around the globe (and since ancient times), I chose to even more consciously use Law of Attraction which I’m now, more than ever, inclined to call Law of Vibration or even Law of Vibration Equals Matching (LOV EM).
I’m not about to tell you this path is one big rosy picture or that I never address challenges; but there have been some spectacular inner and outer results. Any of you who deliberately use LOV may have discovered that, though it seems simple, based on what you read or hear, it’s not always easy. I’m not saying it has to be difficult; but . . .
We’re told the key is to ask for what we want and then allow what we want to come to us, shift our beliefs, remove doubt, expect. I also write about these in my articles because they’re all valid. So, why isn’t it always easy? In a word: resistance. If you’ve ever thought you have no problem attracting small stuff into your life, but the big stuff seems impossible, you subconsciously resist bigger stuff. You wouldn’t do this unless you’ve been conditioned to. We stand between Limitless Thinking and Conditioned Thinking. We just have to decide which one we prefer to move towards more.
A lot of thought has been going on in my mind about resistance over the last several days. A parallel came to mind: weight loss. Anyone who’s ever wanted to lose weight has to start wherever they are; has to use a program, and discovers a program they’re aligned with is easier to follow; discovers some days it’s easier to stay intentional and other days they experience triggers that make them want to quit. But, if their Why is strong enough, they get back on the path if they detour or stop.
Those unwanted pounds are like unwanted (most often, unrecognized) beliefs or areas of resistance. The more of each that needs to be shifted, the more energy you need to plan to direct towards this. You will have days you falter; but as you stick with it, you’ll experience successes. Your outcome and how you choose to experience getting to the outcome is called your ROE (Return on Energy).
We sometimes forget to recognize that a small success is still a success. Sometimes we want to get to the finish line before we run every step of the race. We forget steps are involved (a process), usually because we want to feel better as soon as possible. Every step has the opportunity and fact of ROE.
Individuals and the overall economy, depending on how much “weight” they gained before the shake-up and the weight of their beliefs, have to reassess how they plan and intend to move forward and what their intended short- and long-term outcomes are. The “negative” outer aspects of the economy are a direct result of something at the inner level being out of alignment in everyone involved. If we want to create a better, stronger economy, present, and future, this will be done more easily and quickly if more people get aligned at the inner level so their actions at the outer level are motivated differently.
My hope is that anyone who can contributes their energy to this rebuilding phase through creative and innovative ways imbued with integrity. If we resist this, we risk returning to how we’ve always done things or how things have been done, ways that didn’t work out.
Inventions take time. So do reinventions. And, both involve a process. Once you get that life is a process, that you are in process all the time, and you align with this, you’ll find your ability to return to inner balance when you get rattled is easier. The Law of Vibration (quantum mechanics) matches your vibration (deepest anticipated outcome energized by emotions) all the time. Become a conscious, deliberate director of your inner and outer life.
I wish you a wonderful day and a day filled with wonders.
4 Weeks for a More Calm, Confident, Creative You with You Are More! Empowerment Coach Joyce Shafer—Sign up by Feb. 14 for this incredible Valentine’s Coaching Special—Fall in Love with Your Life! Details at http://tinyurl.com/yljhw4b
Last year, before effects of the economy really kicked in, I had my moment where I decided to reinvent particular aspects of how I experience my life and business. Like an ever-expanding number of people around the globe (and since ancient times), I chose to even more consciously use Law of Attraction which I’m now, more than ever, inclined to call Law of Vibration or even Law of Vibration Equals Matching (LOV EM).
I’m not about to tell you this path is one big rosy picture or that I never address challenges; but there have been some spectacular inner and outer results. Any of you who deliberately use LOV may have discovered that, though it seems simple, based on what you read or hear, it’s not always easy. I’m not saying it has to be difficult; but . . .
We’re told the key is to ask for what we want and then allow what we want to come to us, shift our beliefs, remove doubt, expect. I also write about these in my articles because they’re all valid. So, why isn’t it always easy? In a word: resistance. If you’ve ever thought you have no problem attracting small stuff into your life, but the big stuff seems impossible, you subconsciously resist bigger stuff. You wouldn’t do this unless you’ve been conditioned to. We stand between Limitless Thinking and Conditioned Thinking. We just have to decide which one we prefer to move towards more.
A lot of thought has been going on in my mind about resistance over the last several days. A parallel came to mind: weight loss. Anyone who’s ever wanted to lose weight has to start wherever they are; has to use a program, and discovers a program they’re aligned with is easier to follow; discovers some days it’s easier to stay intentional and other days they experience triggers that make them want to quit. But, if their Why is strong enough, they get back on the path if they detour or stop.
Those unwanted pounds are like unwanted (most often, unrecognized) beliefs or areas of resistance. The more of each that needs to be shifted, the more energy you need to plan to direct towards this. You will have days you falter; but as you stick with it, you’ll experience successes. Your outcome and how you choose to experience getting to the outcome is called your ROE (Return on Energy).
We sometimes forget to recognize that a small success is still a success. Sometimes we want to get to the finish line before we run every step of the race. We forget steps are involved (a process), usually because we want to feel better as soon as possible. Every step has the opportunity and fact of ROE.
Individuals and the overall economy, depending on how much “weight” they gained before the shake-up and the weight of their beliefs, have to reassess how they plan and intend to move forward and what their intended short- and long-term outcomes are. The “negative” outer aspects of the economy are a direct result of something at the inner level being out of alignment in everyone involved. If we want to create a better, stronger economy, present, and future, this will be done more easily and quickly if more people get aligned at the inner level so their actions at the outer level are motivated differently.
My hope is that anyone who can contributes their energy to this rebuilding phase through creative and innovative ways imbued with integrity. If we resist this, we risk returning to how we’ve always done things or how things have been done, ways that didn’t work out.
Inventions take time. So do reinventions. And, both involve a process. Once you get that life is a process, that you are in process all the time, and you align with this, you’ll find your ability to return to inner balance when you get rattled is easier. The Law of Vibration (quantum mechanics) matches your vibration (deepest anticipated outcome energized by emotions) all the time. Become a conscious, deliberate director of your inner and outer life.
I wish you a wonderful day and a day filled with wonders.
4 Weeks for a More Calm, Confident, Creative You with You Are More! Empowerment Coach Joyce Shafer—Sign up by Feb. 14 for this incredible Valentine’s Coaching Special—Fall in Love with Your Life! Details at http://tinyurl.com/yljhw4b
Friday, January 8, 2010
Can Goals, Strategies, and Systems Prevent Your Success?
Goals, Strategies, and Systems vs. Magnetic Visions. What thoughts are triggered when you consider this? Which one feels like a better “ride” for you?
Wallace Wattles wrote in his book, The Science of Getting Rich —
“Man is a thinking center, and can originate thought. All the forms that man fashions with his hands must first exist in his thought; he cannot shape a thing until he has thought that thing . . . . Man can form things in his thought, and, by impressing his thought upon formless substance, can cause the thing he thinks about to be created.”
Wattles also wrote about Increase. Nature’s prime directive is to increase. As part of nature, you feel this prime directive. It’s why you strive to build and build-up and are frustrated when you’re not sure how to do this effectively.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with goals; but every success begins as an idea that gets energized by enthusiasm and inspiration—and this starts inside of you. A goal fed by passionate commitment (or even just a “this would be fun” approach) always follows an idea, it never precedes it. My point is you automatically engage a magnetic vision process (positively or negatively), in part, before you ever name a goal or take one or more actions. Why not do this consciously, deliberately, with more clarity and energy, and in your favor.
Goals make you think of strategies and systems, which have a rigid feel to them. Have you ever felt frustrated when you used someone else’s strategy or system—and didn’t get the same results? What happened? Could it be that what they did was a fit for them and not for you?
You can use up a lot of time and energy trying strategies and systems not tailored to your desired experience or nature . . . sort of like having a goal to get a new garment, yet choosing to try on the wrong sizes and clothing styles rather than take the more direct route of going to a tailor or seamstress. In the case of magnetic visions, you are the designer and the one who “reaps what you sew,” based on what’s appropriate for you—because only you know what that is.
How much time and energy have you put into testing what works for others—that didn’t work for you as fully as you wanted, or at all?
You’re not fashioned from the same mold as anyone else, you’re unique. How empowered would you feel if you knew how to more effortlessly design what’s right for you—the right fit—when you desire to achieve an outcome—and even enjoy the process? This is what a magnetic vision is about. And a magnetic vision gives birth to right next actions.
You want to create a magnetic vision and hold the intention of it, but you don’t want to create stress in your energy by gripping it in your fist, so-to-speak. You do want a clear vision, but you also want to allow for something even better to come to you. This happens . . . often.
Wattles mentioned a man who’d planned and taken action only to have his goal fall through. The man trusted that something even better was on its way to him and expressed gratitude to Spirit for the results. Within a few weeks, something far better came to him. Had his original plan taken form, it would not have been to his benefit. In fact, Wattles explained, it would have been a disaster.
It can be difficult to let go of how situations or circumstances appear when you want something, especially if you have any fear attached to needing or wanting it.
A goal leads you to think, “I’ll feel good when I have . . .” –and you can feel pressured about the outcome and what it takes to achieve it. Maybe that’s fun for you, maybe it isn’t.
A magnetic vision lets you hold your vision in such a way that inspired ideas flow to you, people and resources are drawn to you—in order to maintain the feeling you choose and energize. If you’re focused on a set goal rather than a magnetic vision, you may be like the horse wearing blinders, and ignore opportunities and doors opening all around you.
When you’re guided by how you want to feel rather than what you “think” you have to do (like worry and take lots and lots of fear-based actions), you expand your experiences. You want to stay open rather than closed, to inspired ideas and actions.
What you can build up to with the Implements in the Reinvent Yourself eCourse—which are self-guided self-empowering processes, not strategies—is awareness of what your ideal life or business looks and feels like to you; who your ideal person or people are you choose to attract into your life; and what you choose to offer that is unique—and this bigger picture will help you move forward in life or business in ways that are comfortable and authentic for you.
Can you feel how freeing this is?
Partial excerpts from Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business by Joyce Shafer
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR ON YOUR WEBSITE?
You can. Just use my bio as a complete statement.
Shift Happens. But, the shift you want can happen faster with a coach. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) – You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author of Reinvent Yourself—coaching to meet your desired experiences and outcomes. Learn about the buddy-coaching discount, energy expansion e-books, and read her most recent newsletter—all designed to enrich your self-empowering life experience at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Wallace Wattles wrote in his book, The Science of Getting Rich —
“Man is a thinking center, and can originate thought. All the forms that man fashions with his hands must first exist in his thought; he cannot shape a thing until he has thought that thing . . . . Man can form things in his thought, and, by impressing his thought upon formless substance, can cause the thing he thinks about to be created.”
Wattles also wrote about Increase. Nature’s prime directive is to increase. As part of nature, you feel this prime directive. It’s why you strive to build and build-up and are frustrated when you’re not sure how to do this effectively.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with goals; but every success begins as an idea that gets energized by enthusiasm and inspiration—and this starts inside of you. A goal fed by passionate commitment (or even just a “this would be fun” approach) always follows an idea, it never precedes it. My point is you automatically engage a magnetic vision process (positively or negatively), in part, before you ever name a goal or take one or more actions. Why not do this consciously, deliberately, with more clarity and energy, and in your favor.
Goals make you think of strategies and systems, which have a rigid feel to them. Have you ever felt frustrated when you used someone else’s strategy or system—and didn’t get the same results? What happened? Could it be that what they did was a fit for them and not for you?
You can use up a lot of time and energy trying strategies and systems not tailored to your desired experience or nature . . . sort of like having a goal to get a new garment, yet choosing to try on the wrong sizes and clothing styles rather than take the more direct route of going to a tailor or seamstress. In the case of magnetic visions, you are the designer and the one who “reaps what you sew,” based on what’s appropriate for you—because only you know what that is.
How much time and energy have you put into testing what works for others—that didn’t work for you as fully as you wanted, or at all?
You’re not fashioned from the same mold as anyone else, you’re unique. How empowered would you feel if you knew how to more effortlessly design what’s right for you—the right fit—when you desire to achieve an outcome—and even enjoy the process? This is what a magnetic vision is about. And a magnetic vision gives birth to right next actions.
You want to create a magnetic vision and hold the intention of it, but you don’t want to create stress in your energy by gripping it in your fist, so-to-speak. You do want a clear vision, but you also want to allow for something even better to come to you. This happens . . . often.
Wattles mentioned a man who’d planned and taken action only to have his goal fall through. The man trusted that something even better was on its way to him and expressed gratitude to Spirit for the results. Within a few weeks, something far better came to him. Had his original plan taken form, it would not have been to his benefit. In fact, Wattles explained, it would have been a disaster.
It can be difficult to let go of how situations or circumstances appear when you want something, especially if you have any fear attached to needing or wanting it.
A goal leads you to think, “I’ll feel good when I have . . .” –and you can feel pressured about the outcome and what it takes to achieve it. Maybe that’s fun for you, maybe it isn’t.
A magnetic vision lets you hold your vision in such a way that inspired ideas flow to you, people and resources are drawn to you—in order to maintain the feeling you choose and energize. If you’re focused on a set goal rather than a magnetic vision, you may be like the horse wearing blinders, and ignore opportunities and doors opening all around you.
When you’re guided by how you want to feel rather than what you “think” you have to do (like worry and take lots and lots of fear-based actions), you expand your experiences. You want to stay open rather than closed, to inspired ideas and actions.
What you can build up to with the Implements in the Reinvent Yourself eCourse—which are self-guided self-empowering processes, not strategies—is awareness of what your ideal life or business looks and feels like to you; who your ideal person or people are you choose to attract into your life; and what you choose to offer that is unique—and this bigger picture will help you move forward in life or business in ways that are comfortable and authentic for you.
Can you feel how freeing this is?
Partial excerpts from Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business by Joyce Shafer
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR ON YOUR WEBSITE?
You can. Just use my bio as a complete statement.
Shift Happens. But, the shift you want can happen faster with a coach. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) – You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author of Reinvent Yourself—coaching to meet your desired experiences and outcomes. Learn about the buddy-coaching discount, energy expansion e-books, and read her most recent newsletter—all designed to enrich your self-empowering life experience at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Fine Tune Your Life for the New Year or Any Time of Year
There’s a simple way to re-focus your time and energy to get a better start and results in a new year—or any time of year—in any area of your life. Just ask yourself the two questions offered here.
Two emails I received reminded me about the principle described below. I’d already had in mind to do a similar process, but felt nudged to really “go there” using this formula.
Maybe you’ve heard of the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 Rule. It maintains that around 20 percent of what you do each day creates 80 percent of your desired results . . . including fulfillment. So it follows that 80 percent of your time should focus on the 20 percent that creates desired results. Stated simply: Review what “grows corn” for you and what doesn’t. This applies to both business and life.
The questions are:
What is the 20 percent you do that creates 80 percent of desired results (including fulfillment—a key ingredient)?
What is the 80 percent you do that doesn’t?
This 80/20 formula applies to any area of your life. It’s a good time to revisit what these areas are.
Personal development
Spiritual development
Fun and relaxation/recharge time
Intimate and social relationships
Health
Financial health
Career/Job/Profession
Family
Physical spaces
Emotional well-being
You can look at each of the above in turn and apply the formula in a way appropriate for you, but here’s one activity that may bog you down in any area: Do you give 80 percent of your time and energy to talking and/or thinking about matters you’re not happy with rather than applying an effective 20 percent to taking inner or outer actions that can create desired outcomes—even if some of these affect you at the inner level only?
Here are some general questions you may consider applying the 20/80 or 80/20 Rule to.
What’s in your living space or closets? Don’t give away any treasures, but what do you have and don’t use (and won’t) that someone would love to have or would benefit from having—or that you might even sell?
What about what’s on your bookshelf, your desk, your sticky notes, your short- and long-term goals list?
How do you use your money?
How does this rule relate to nurturing your personal relationships?
What’s your belief-in-scarcity vs. belief-in-abundance ratio?
What does this formula reveal about your self-talk and self-appreciation?
What does this look like regarding social sites you’re signed up on? (Are you signed up because it was “recommended”—and this creates busywork, or are these sites ones you feel enthused about building community on?)
What else comes to mind that you might apply this rule to?
If you hesitate to part with any material thing, task, or behavior that doesn’t “grow corn for you,” ask yourself what may be stopping you. If your answer is, “I don’t know,” then I ask you: If you did know, what might it be?
Any time is a good time to tune up your life so you experience more success and fulfillment. Otherwise, it can be like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles non-stop: you’re active (moving about), but going nowhere. Too much emphasis is placed on always doing something, which leaves little time to reflect. Time given to quality reflection and assessment about your 20/80 can make a real difference in your life, starting immediately.
A wonderful experience happens when you remove clutter of any kind from your life (thoughts, things, and tasks): you see real opportunities that were hidden behind and under physical, mental, and emotional clutter. You create time and space to look at what you have and what you really want . . . and to go for it.
When you tune up, it’s easier to tune in to experiences you really want to create.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR ON YOUR WEBSITE?
You can. Just use my bio as a complete statement.
Shift Happens. But, the shift you want can happen faster with a coach. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) – You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author of Reinvent Yourself—coaching to meet your desired experiences and outcomes. Learn about the buddy-coaching discount, energy expansion e-books, and read her most recent newsletter—all designed to enrich your life experience at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Two emails I received reminded me about the principle described below. I’d already had in mind to do a similar process, but felt nudged to really “go there” using this formula.
Maybe you’ve heard of the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 Rule. It maintains that around 20 percent of what you do each day creates 80 percent of your desired results . . . including fulfillment. So it follows that 80 percent of your time should focus on the 20 percent that creates desired results. Stated simply: Review what “grows corn” for you and what doesn’t. This applies to both business and life.
The questions are:
What is the 20 percent you do that creates 80 percent of desired results (including fulfillment—a key ingredient)?
What is the 80 percent you do that doesn’t?
This 80/20 formula applies to any area of your life. It’s a good time to revisit what these areas are.
Personal development
Spiritual development
Fun and relaxation/recharge time
Intimate and social relationships
Health
Financial health
Career/Job/Profession
Family
Physical spaces
Emotional well-being
You can look at each of the above in turn and apply the formula in a way appropriate for you, but here’s one activity that may bog you down in any area: Do you give 80 percent of your time and energy to talking and/or thinking about matters you’re not happy with rather than applying an effective 20 percent to taking inner or outer actions that can create desired outcomes—even if some of these affect you at the inner level only?
Here are some general questions you may consider applying the 20/80 or 80/20 Rule to.
What’s in your living space or closets? Don’t give away any treasures, but what do you have and don’t use (and won’t) that someone would love to have or would benefit from having—or that you might even sell?
What about what’s on your bookshelf, your desk, your sticky notes, your short- and long-term goals list?
How do you use your money?
How does this rule relate to nurturing your personal relationships?
What’s your belief-in-scarcity vs. belief-in-abundance ratio?
What does this formula reveal about your self-talk and self-appreciation?
What does this look like regarding social sites you’re signed up on? (Are you signed up because it was “recommended”—and this creates busywork, or are these sites ones you feel enthused about building community on?)
What else comes to mind that you might apply this rule to?
If you hesitate to part with any material thing, task, or behavior that doesn’t “grow corn for you,” ask yourself what may be stopping you. If your answer is, “I don’t know,” then I ask you: If you did know, what might it be?
Any time is a good time to tune up your life so you experience more success and fulfillment. Otherwise, it can be like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles non-stop: you’re active (moving about), but going nowhere. Too much emphasis is placed on always doing something, which leaves little time to reflect. Time given to quality reflection and assessment about your 20/80 can make a real difference in your life, starting immediately.
A wonderful experience happens when you remove clutter of any kind from your life (thoughts, things, and tasks): you see real opportunities that were hidden behind and under physical, mental, and emotional clutter. You create time and space to look at what you have and what you really want . . . and to go for it.
When you tune up, it’s easier to tune in to experiences you really want to create.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR ON YOUR WEBSITE?
You can. Just use my bio as a complete statement.
Shift Happens. But, the shift you want can happen faster with a coach. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) – You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author of Reinvent Yourself—coaching to meet your desired experiences and outcomes. Learn about the buddy-coaching discount, energy expansion e-books, and read her most recent newsletter—all designed to enrich your life experience at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Create Your Order Form for 2010
This is THE time to get clear about what you want so you know what to aim at. Here’s a simple technique that helps you do this AND expand your magnetic energy.
Whatever you desire does not have to be important to others, only to you.
You know what you want in the areas of work, finance, family, personal development, spiritual development, social and intimate relationships, fun, and health. Or, maybe you sort of know what you want.
One way to amp up your energy and enthusiasm about a dream, goal, or desired outcome is to look at it more thoroughly than you may have. If you do what’s suggested below, you’ll get clearer and create an order form that inspires and guides you as you move forward, and makes your energy magnetic.
Get a sheet of paper and a pen or create columns in a document on your computer. Pick something about your life or business you want to see happen, or take each life area listed above and give them their turn.
First column: Write what you don’t want (don’t list feelings here—they have their own column).You’d write something like I don’t want less than ten new clients a month; I don’t want clients who don’t pay, don’t have a sense of humor, etc. Or, I don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t share my core values; is emotionally or otherwise unavailable, etc. If you really want to amp this up, write down everything you don’t want in every area of your life. Really purge here. Vent like crazy.
If you believe that positive thinking means you shouldn’t focus on what you don’t want, this is called denial. What you don’t want is rambling around in your subconscious anyway. You might as well give it an opportunity to be heard. Self-sabotage usually happens when our conscious and subconscious thoughts conflict. Get the Don’t Wants out instead of trying to suppress them.
Second column: Write what you don’t want to feel (afraid, unsuccessful, taken for granted, overworked, confused, afraid of failure—or success, unloved if you’re prosperous, etc.). Go ahead and give voice to any and every such feeling.
Third column: Write what you do want (ten or more new clients a month; meet and get to know one or more new people also interested in a relationship, etc.). If you’re inclined, amp this one up as recommended for the Don’t Wants. No limits—if you want it, write it down—anything, everything. If you’ve been holding back, now is your time to let loose.
Fourth column: Write what you do want to feel. List everything until nothing else comes up (valued, appreciated, respected, confident, on purpose, fulfilled, prosperous, safe and accepted and loved if you have more, etc.).
Fifth column: Write why you want it. Really let loose with this one. Whatever your why is, let it talk to you. When you find your why and it’s compelling, you amaze yourself with the inspired ideas and actions that come to you. If your why isn’t compelling, check to see if it’s a case of “It would be nice . . .” rather than “I passionately intend it” (wish vs. commitment).
Sixth column: Write how you will feel once you have this (fulfilled, validated, free, on purpose, etc.).
Seventh column: Write how others will feel once you have this. How will your new clients feel when they work with you as a confident, fulfilled person? How will your staff and/or family feel when they see you feeling so good? How will the person you move towards or into a relationship with feel about being around you, especially if you feel happy with yourself and your life?
Eighth column: Create a statement that helps you amp up your energy about this. You want a statement you can really buy into. If, at this time, you feel unsure about getting ten new clients a month or finding someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, writing that you have something as a given won’t work, because you’re not on board with it yet. And, that’s fine. What about this: I want to believe that I can find a way to get ten new clients a month; or meet someone I eventually share a relationship with; or feel safe about having more of everything in my life, including money. See how this is a true statement but it doesn’t put pressure on you?
Ninth column: Next actions. Maybe one or more next actions (inner or outer) come to you now or came to you as you wrote your responses. If not, not a problem. Write that you ask to be shown one or more next actions and know that because your focus is on receiving them, you will.
Before you go to sleep each night, write your statement. What you’ll notice is that your statement will change as you open to next actions and/or take them. You’ll move from “I want to believe” to “I believe” to “I can” to “I have” or “I am.”
Whatever you desire does not have to be important to others, only to you.
You know what you want in the areas of work, finance, family, personal development, spiritual development, social and intimate relationships, fun, and health. Or, maybe you sort of know what you want.
One way to amp up your energy and enthusiasm about a dream, goal, or desired outcome is to look at it more thoroughly than you may have. If you do what’s suggested below, you’ll get clearer and create an order form that inspires and guides you as you move forward, and makes your energy magnetic.
Get a sheet of paper and a pen or create columns in a document on your computer. Pick something about your life or business you want to see happen, or take each life area listed above and give them their turn.
First column: Write what you don’t want (don’t list feelings here—they have their own column).You’d write something like I don’t want less than ten new clients a month; I don’t want clients who don’t pay, don’t have a sense of humor, etc. Or, I don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t share my core values; is emotionally or otherwise unavailable, etc. If you really want to amp this up, write down everything you don’t want in every area of your life. Really purge here. Vent like crazy.
If you believe that positive thinking means you shouldn’t focus on what you don’t want, this is called denial. What you don’t want is rambling around in your subconscious anyway. You might as well give it an opportunity to be heard. Self-sabotage usually happens when our conscious and subconscious thoughts conflict. Get the Don’t Wants out instead of trying to suppress them.
Second column: Write what you don’t want to feel (afraid, unsuccessful, taken for granted, overworked, confused, afraid of failure—or success, unloved if you’re prosperous, etc.). Go ahead and give voice to any and every such feeling.
Third column: Write what you do want (ten or more new clients a month; meet and get to know one or more new people also interested in a relationship, etc.). If you’re inclined, amp this one up as recommended for the Don’t Wants. No limits—if you want it, write it down—anything, everything. If you’ve been holding back, now is your time to let loose.
Fourth column: Write what you do want to feel. List everything until nothing else comes up (valued, appreciated, respected, confident, on purpose, fulfilled, prosperous, safe and accepted and loved if you have more, etc.).
Fifth column: Write why you want it. Really let loose with this one. Whatever your why is, let it talk to you. When you find your why and it’s compelling, you amaze yourself with the inspired ideas and actions that come to you. If your why isn’t compelling, check to see if it’s a case of “It would be nice . . .” rather than “I passionately intend it” (wish vs. commitment).
Sixth column: Write how you will feel once you have this (fulfilled, validated, free, on purpose, etc.).
Seventh column: Write how others will feel once you have this. How will your new clients feel when they work with you as a confident, fulfilled person? How will your staff and/or family feel when they see you feeling so good? How will the person you move towards or into a relationship with feel about being around you, especially if you feel happy with yourself and your life?
Eighth column: Create a statement that helps you amp up your energy about this. You want a statement you can really buy into. If, at this time, you feel unsure about getting ten new clients a month or finding someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, writing that you have something as a given won’t work, because you’re not on board with it yet. And, that’s fine. What about this: I want to believe that I can find a way to get ten new clients a month; or meet someone I eventually share a relationship with; or feel safe about having more of everything in my life, including money. See how this is a true statement but it doesn’t put pressure on you?
Ninth column: Next actions. Maybe one or more next actions (inner or outer) come to you now or came to you as you wrote your responses. If not, not a problem. Write that you ask to be shown one or more next actions and know that because your focus is on receiving them, you will.
Before you go to sleep each night, write your statement. What you’ll notice is that your statement will change as you open to next actions and/or take them. You’ll move from “I want to believe” to “I believe” to “I can” to “I have” or “I am.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
