How Moments Connect

There are times when we pay attention and are able to see moments string together like a jeweler strings pearls. Alter even one moment, especially because of an incorrect assumption, and the potential outcome shifts.

One reason the movie “It's a Wonderful Life” is a popular classic is because of the main message: each person plays a significant role in many lives, whether it’s a positive or negative role. Another reason is that the movie story demonstrates how events or moments connect in the bigger picture. We don't always pause to consider this.

Others and I played our roles in specific moments that, upon reflection, played out with the precision of fine clockwork. The result was the first-time inclusion of a piece of art in a local gallery by a member of my gang of friends. The timing sequence involved was so exact it caught my attention.

Our gang had gone to prior showings at the gallery in our Brooklyn neighborhood, and had discussed how the work of the active artist among us could easily be included in a showing. The opportunity came and he submitted a piece to be considered. Time passed and it was now two days before the opening and he hadn’t heard anything from the gallery owner. Then the magic began, and did so through “ordinary” moments.

Here's how the magic played out. One friend who lived on the first floor of our building e-mailed that she had returned from a follow-up visit to her surgeon. I felt inspired (compelled) to ask if I could go see her right then. She agreed, and I acted on it. I used the stairs rather than the elevator, and by the time I got to the floor where the artist friend lived, he came out of the elevator. I asked about his submitted piece to the gallery. He said he'd heard nothing from the gallery. Note: He'd used the elevator because he was coming up from the basement. Had I used the elevator, we would not have seen each other because I would have gotten out on the first floor and the elevator would have then picked him up in the basement.

I suggested he follow up with the gallery since we know that some e-mails never arrive or get lost in the shuffle. He shifted from crestfallen to more hopeful, went inside his apartment, and I continued down the stairs to visit my other friend.

When I returned to my apartment, I found an e-mail from my artist friend stating he'd followed up with another e-mail to the gallery, as I’d suggested. He could just as easily have assumed there was no point to doing so. Our gang tends to make our e-mails about certain topics a group e-mail; so another friend e-mailed a comment about this. Feeling frustration on behalf of the artist friend, her negative comment was based on an assumption that proved not to be the case.

I had an event to attend that evening. Before I left my apartment, I received an e-mail from my artist friend saying the gallery owner e-mailed back that his piece was included. Had he heard my suggestion and decided not to act, or had he accepted the other friend's assumption as truth (we all do this at times), or had I taken the elevator instead of the stairs, he and we would have missed out, as would have others: his work is genuinely good.

At the evening event, I was talking with other friends about attending the gallery show, when the gallery owner walked up. I told her my friend was excited about being included. She told me how happy she was he'd e-mailed her again because she’d really wanted to include his piece, but his e-mail had gotten lost among the torrent of e-mailed submissions she'd received.

If you look at how many people were involved in this singular event (including the people who put the event together I attended that night, and who had to know whom) and how things flowed, you get an idea (if you've never played with this before) of how energy can work, when we allow it (and pay attention to the smaller and bigger picture). You also get a glimmer (if you've never considered it before) about how connected everyone and everything is. Remove or alter, even by seconds, any one moment (or person) from the list above and you can see how the outcome could have shifted in a variety of ways.

We participate in helping energy flow either positively or negatively. It's always a moment-by-moment choice.

It's also a great lesson about how making an assumption, and assuming it's true, and then acting as if it is true, has the potential to steal experiences (and magical moments) from us. I try to remind myself as often as possible that when something looks one way, it may be another. Very often, what's necessary is more information.

A real problem can be solved; an imaginary one cannot.

It's a good practice to ask, "Do I have enough information to know what's really going on?" This one question can save us minutes or hours or years of entering the negative-thought vortex, based on an incorrect assumption. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.   

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

Don’t Let Resistance Run Your Life

Resistance is an automatic reaction to undesirable experiences in your life. Resistance may seem natural, even right, but some instances of resistance cost you big-time.

How can resistance cost you? Resistance creates more things to resist: like attracts like. It creates a near-constant stream of negative thoughts that lead to even more negative feelings expressed verbally, physically, or internally through health imbalances and uninspired life experiences.

Look at anything you resist in your life: Status of relationships, finances, career, success, etc. If your desire is strong for anything to NOT be what it is, you’re current address is on Resistance Loop. Resistance will cause what you do not want more of to continue and possibly expand, most especially, any unpleasant feelings and emotions you have about whatever caused you to feel resistance in the first place.

You have a right and responsibility to yourself, to NOT engage with anything or anyone you know you are better off without (negative people, news, events, etc.) when you can choose otherwise. And, as challenging as it may seem, you really can choose what you feel and therefore think, say, and do.

And there will be times when you find you’re in a situation with no easy out or solution. This is truly the time to release resistance and ask, “What can I do that I will do?” This puts your conscious mind to work in your behalf. You may not be able to alter the particular situation, but you can shift what you feel, think, say, and do, and do this in a way that leads you to perform with personal integrity and grace.

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete," said Richard Buckminster Fuller.

You can choose to release your insistence that something or someone in your life be different—insistence, just as resistance, really does not work as desired—and take actions required in and for your best interest, without being tense. Tension does not shift anything, except, perhaps, your blood pressure and your ability to get proper sleep and rest. Adjust your thinking and approach in this way to get your subconscious programming aligned with your conscious choices and actions.

One big form of resistance that may challenge you is to NOT include or allow any past experiences in the NOW. This is a challenge because your subconscious will play back tapes of previous struggles and will do this with lots of detailed images. This causes you to recall, focus on, and feel specific past struggles, as though they are happening in this moment. They are not. You may have present-moment matters to address, but past ones are over. Past matters only affect the moment you’re in now, if you allow them to.

As long as you believe those old tapes are still part of your current reality, or react to them as though they are—which is precisely what the brain and then body do when old tapes are played, you resist any positive present-moment shifts: “I HAVE to feel THIS way now because I once (or more often) experienced THAT.” This approach will block your good, and your serenity, from coming to you. Your release of resistance gives the Universe permission to deliver your good—what is in and for your highest good. This release also allows serenity in, which is a feeling you desire anyway, underneath all the other stuff you believe you desire.

You learned certain aspects of resistance from others who learned them as well. It is the tape your subconscious plays in its belief that this approach, habit, or practice will help you survive. Your subconscious focuses on what helps you survive; your conscious mind focuses—or can—on what helps you thrive. You want them to work as a team, which means you have to NOT listen to old, negative tapes when they run. You want to create new tapes and run THEM.

Ernest Holmes wrote: “Healing, then, is accomplished by uncovering, neutralizing and erasing false images of thought, and letting the perfect idea reflect itself through subjective mind into the body. When one realizes that everything is Mind and that nothing moves but Mind . . . he will see that nothing can permanently heal unless it be accompanied by right thinking.” Healing can refer to anything in your self or your life or your business that you feel is not whole, healthy, joyful, and fulfilling. Ultimately, it’s always your feelings and thoughts that need to heal.

Pay attention to when and how often you run such tapes. Put right thinking into practice until it becomes more natural to you, whatever time that takes. Practice self-observation rather than self-judgment as you move through this process. Self-judgment is a form of resistance.

Release the belief that you will (eventually) never repeat old patterns. Maybe that will happen and maybe it won’t. Belief that you must never repeat them is . . . Resistance. It’s more important that you observe when you resist so you can consciously choose to embrace what you really want to feel, rather than emotionally engage what you don’t want. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

Do Your Thoughts Rub You the Wrong Way?

There is a phrase, “That person rubs me the wrong way,” that basically means the person (though it could also apply to a situation) doesn’t make you feel good and, in fact, irritates you. You, at times, do this to yourself with your thoughts (most of us do). So, what works to shift this?

This topic reminds me of that old joke where the patient tells the doctor that hitting his head against the wall gives him a headache. He asks the doctor what can be done about the pain. The doctor replies, “Stop hitting your head against the wall.” Seems obvious, but we do this to ourselves in many ways and more often than we realize.

I’m always amazed when I do this to myself. It’s as though particular situations that crop up cause a form of temporary amnesia and I, at least for a little while, forget what I know about Source and how everything works based on past experiences that proved the Truth. If you’re nodding your head in agreement because you do this too, I ask you to pay attention to which situations lead you down this path. It’s likely the same types each time. These are trigger points bringing our attention to issues (or beliefs) that we haven’t as yet resolved in our favor.

Esther Hicks of Abraham fame has a video on YouTube, “Now Is Where All Your Power Is, Part 2,” where she likens feeding negative thoughts—any thoughts that take you out of feeling good—with rubbing your hand on sandpaper. You wouldn’t deliberately rub your hand on sandpaper for an extended period of time because it would hurt, remove skin, require healing, maybe lead to infection, and so on. But, you will rub your thoughts in this way: it’s a habit that seems logical because it is a widespread social, and especially familial, practice. It’s likely that nearly everyone you know does this from time to time. You may have worked yourself, or watched someone work him- or herself, into a frothy state of anger or upset about something that isn’t even happening at that moment, or is long or long-enough over. Focus is on what happened, rather than what can be done to improve circumstances.

A good example of this is replaying in your mind and verbally repeating events you’ve labeled “negative” that happened in the past. How many times will you need to replay and repeat “negative” past events before you feel better about them or change them to “positives” in the present moment? You may even do this when you anticipate negative events that “might” happen. It’s a hamster wheel experience.

What does this habit allow you to do? Let’s first look at what it doesn’t do or allow you to do. It doesn’t empower you. It doesn’t allow you to feel appreciation. It doesn’t allow you to feel aligned with what’s good in your life. It doesn’t open you to inspired ideas and creative solutions. It doesn’t allow more good in this specific circumstance to come to you; and if more good does pierce that energy, you may not appreciate it fully.

It does present you with an opportunity (maybe even Opportunity No. 5,798) to ask different questions about it such as: What can I learn about myself from this? If I don’t like what I learn, how can I shift that? In what way does this make me feel disempowered? How can and will I empower myself about this? What does this opportunity allow me to do, and will I do it?

When I catch myself doing this, and when I remember to ask myself two specific questions, I immediately cease to use sandpaper on my thoughts (although, sometimes it takes several repetitions of the questions and answers before I really get it!). The questions and answers are these: Q: “Where am I?” A: “Here.” Q: “What time is it?” A: “Now.” Obviously, this re-minds me to return to the “here and now,” rather than stay in my ego-aspect’s not-so-pleasant musings. Here and now is where any solutions I require will surface; and they’ll surface when I calm myself and my energy so that the solutions can reach me.

The tendency to use your thoughts like sandpaper on your psyche comes from knowing that whatever causes you to feel out of alignment, negative, angered, hurt, or fearful, wasn’t or hasn’t been resolved or addressed within you in a way that allows you to feel the way you want to feel. Maybe it’s something you can address in the present, and maybe what you need to address is what you’re doing to yourself (and perhaps others) in the present, through your mental attitude. “Ask yourself this question: Is my attitude worth catching?” - Anonymous

You may feel it’s logical or justified to place responsibility for how you feel or your ability to shift how you feel onto someone directly involved. How’s that worked for you so far? Maybe it worked in some way (like for manipulation), but do you feel serenely self-empowered when you do this? Your ego-aspect may feel justified and even somewhat satisfied if you put responsibility for how you feel on another. But, if you give any person responsibility for how you choose to feel, then that person has the power over you and your mental attitude, not you. If you practice this denial of your power, you know it’s not the truth—because of the resistance you experience when you do it. That resistance is a trigger to re-MIND yourself that the power truly is within you.

Here are ways to shift any thoughts about anything you use repeatedly like sandpaper on your psyche, whether from the past or now:

1.       Notice that you’re doing it. Notice what you’re allowing yourself to feel and be by doing this. Notice this without judgment, because self-criticism is another form of sandpaper—a very coarse form.

2.       Ask, “What part of this reflects something in me?” You may not like this fact, but anything you harbor resentment about is something you do in a similar way, even though it may appear as different, so different, you may not even recognize you’re repeating a pattern you detest in another. This level of self-assessment may not (initially or ever) feel good, but it is extraordinarily powerful on many levels. If you still practice the negative aspect, you’ll find you feel annoyance with the individual. If you’ve resolved it within yourself, you’ll find you feel empathy and or compassion for the individual involved. This doesn’t mean you have to put up with any crap from them, just that you don’t engage them or the situation in the same way as you would if angered.

3.       Ask, “What can I do about this that I will do?” You may know what you can do, but what can you do that you will do? One thing you can do is find something to appreciate about this. You can appreciate that you notice you’re doing this and that you can ask the right questions about this from a sincere desire to shift and self-empower (sometimes the right question is “What’s the right question to ask about this?”). You can appreciate how this process leads to deeper understanding and compassion of and for yourself and others. You can appreciate the feeling of relief you get when you empower yourself to stop rubbing your thoughts the wrong way and then rub them the right way.

You may also experience challenges about allowing what you say you want into your life. Any thought about what you desire that rubs the wrong way, will slow or prevent what you want coming to you as quickly and easily as it might or would otherwise. It’s like saying No or Not Yet. When this habit surfaces, you can diffuse it with this question: “Does allowing this thought pattern support me to move forward, self-empower, and feel the way I want to feel now?” If it doesn’t, you need to find a thought pattern that does.

If something needs addressing, address it. Otherwise, find and use a thought pattern that lifts your mind and emotions from the sandpaper. The most immediate relief is to stop doing it when you notice you’re doing it. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.             

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

Make Your Heart Sing

"Everything I do, I do to make my heart sing." This is a quote by Michael E. Angier, founder and chief inspiration officer of SuccessNet. I like this quote because it makes sense to me. However, I don't view it the way you might think.

I can see how someone might interpret this quote to mean they should either feel ecstatic about everything they do or they should elect to do only that which they believe or know will make them feel that way. For me, it represents a tool for self-inspiration.

Even if it doesn't appear as such, everything we do gets done because we choose to do it. We really could choose not to be responsible so as not to deal with paying the rent or mortgage, or meeting commitments. Even if something "makes" you feel terrible like going to a job you're discontent with, you still choose to go there every day.

There are occasions when I opt not to do something based on my needs or wants at that time. Even when I choose to do something I perceive as tedious or serious, I strive to look for an aspect about it that is congruent with head and heart alignment (though, sometimes this may take a while, depending on the emotions involved and the event). Head and heart alignment makes my heart sing; it makes me feel spiritually solid. Head and heart alignment, to me, is about being on purpose. It's about being true to my Self and feeling a sense of personal integrity.

So many people struggle with self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, and so forth. Look at those compound words. All of them begin with the Self. Everything, actually, begins with the Self. We're still healing—or need to—from the indoctrinated belief that considering ourselves first is Self-ish. It isn't, not if it’s done in the right way from the right mindset and spirit. For example, when we do something for another, or for any reason, either from guilt or fear of some kind (often of rejection), and resent doing it, we engage in a form of self-destruction. There's no head and heart alignment in that type of scenario, no way for the heart to sing, no way to feel authentic or spiritually solid.

"What's in it for me?" is the question sales motivators tell us is what is foremost in the minds of potential customers or clients. I use this question, especially when I find I'm involved in unpleasant or serious circumstances. At the very least, what can be in it for me is the opportunity to find my place of integrity; an opportunity to observe my thoughts, words, and actions; and an opportunity to see who I choose to be in each moment.

We've heard that even the most giving act is selfish because we do it to make ourselves feel good, or at least, that is the inevitable outcome. Everything we do has a symbiotic effect. There's no way to avoid that. There is a way to make it work for us. If you can approach every moment with a what's-in-it-for-me-at-a-deeper-level process, and do so with a broader purview as described above, and if your heart has seemed silent, prepare for it to sing with serenity, joy, and purpose more often. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.           

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

The Power of Reframing Your Reality

If you're not familiar with what reframing is, I have a quote from American Actress Shelley Winters that is an example: "I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short."

Why would anyone need to reframe what-is? Reality is what it is, isn't it? Maybe. We know that how we perceive things is how we experience them. This is why two people can see or hear the same thing and respond or react differently. Sometimes, this means we ignore the obvious, perhaps make excuses. Other times, it means the story we tell ourselves causes us to feel bad rather than better. When your attention is primarily on things as they are, or seem to be, you block expansion of what-is and what is possible.

Reframing is so very important because if we don’t put it into practice, we can exhaust ourselves or make ourselves ill as a result of all the opposing thoughts to what-is that we have and repeat to ourselves and others. Our opposing thoughts can, instead, get our attention onto the fact there is deep-level resistance going on about what-is, and it’s likely about something we feel we can’t change or are afraid to change. Viktor Frankl gave us his renowned quote that relates to reframing: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

During the course of a day, or a lifetime, we tell ourselves a lot of things. Maybe we say we can't be happy, confident, serene, or whatever we want to feel until we lose 20 pounds, have a certain bank balance, or reach whatever parameter we place out ahead of us. Will we attain our goals and dreams faster and easier if we delay feeling the way we want to until we accomplish what we aim to? Even if this doesn’t cause delay, why feel bad in the process? We waste time and energy waiting for circumstances and ourselves to be perfect or ideal so that we can feel good “when” instead of feeling that way now. Neale Donald Walsch said, “Happiness is not produced by conditions; conditions are produced by happiness.”

"It is impossible to be both grateful and depressed. Those with a grateful mindset tend to see the message in the mess. And even though life may knock them down, the grateful find reasons, if even small ones, to get up." – Steve Maraboli

A good time to reframe is when an outcome is less than we expect or hope for. Times such as these are not "failures," but valuable information-gathering experiences. (Did you notice how the last sentence used reframing?) You can choose to make every outcome or process work for you rather than against you. This may not feel natural or simple, but if you do it, you'll move forward rather than stand still. That is the real power of reframing. “The only thing that ever prevents your receiving something that you desire is that your habit of thought is different from your desire,” said Abraham-Hicks.

Reframing takes us out of the mono-vision we can get locked into. If we look around, we see lots of people enjoying themselves in ways we're putting off until... Do you know anyone who is not a millionaire, but is happy? Do you know any men or women without perfect bodies who are happy and in romantic relationships? Do you know anyone with a health or physical issue who not only gets around, but enjoys as fulfilling a life as possible? One thing can be assumed about such people: they tell themselves a story that is different from what someone else may tell themselves. They are reframing experts. Aristotle advised, “What we expect, that we find.”

Pick something you're putting off feeling better about until you reach a specific outcome. Choose to feel good just as things are and just as you are. This doesn't mean you don't still aim at your desired outcomes, it means you give yourself permission to enjoy yourself and your life right now, and feel and express appreciation, which is the ultimate vibration to send out, whatever the circumstances. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.         

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

Every Fear Hides a Wish

The article title is a line of dialogue from a movie. I shared it with a friend who emailed back, "What does THAT mean?" So, let’s consider what it may mean to you and to all of us.

It could mean we wish the opposite of what we're afraid of were true instead. Or, if we fear instability in some area of our lives, perhaps we wish security in this matter was etched in stone so we never had to think about it or fear it again. It could mean we're in denial. Denial of what-is and of what we feel is never a good thing. It leads to more of the same or worse happening because we aren’t addressing what needs to be addressed. Denial of what-is or what we feel makes us feel and behave like a victim, of any circumstance and of ourselves.

Dealing with a fear (or managing it) is something we can develop inner tools for. Making wishes become realities is also something we can do if we apply ourselves at the inner and outer levels. So what would be the next step in considering this?

In my opinion, whether it’s a fear or a wish we’re considering, I think that ultimately we want to feel strong. We want to feel a level of self-trust so that fears and wishes are matters we readily address but perhaps differently than we may have before. It all boils down to one underlying thing: We doubt we can or will be able to handle ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, or even spiritually in the face of certain challenges, be it a fear we feel or a wish we desire to be a reality.

Self-trust and security have a partnership. Security, as much as our ego self would like it to be an outer experience, is really an inner one, and it’s based on or in self-trust, and trust in Source. Everything changes; and that can rattle our sense of security pretty darn fast. However, when we KNOW our sense of security (or, perhaps preferably, serenity) comes from within, change might stir (or roil) the waters of our life, but we know we can restore inner balance by pulling from the strong foundation of who we know ourselves to be, and especially, our trust in Source. When we have a defined level of self-trust and trust in Source, we know we can manage ourselves through any gust or gale. Our self-trust and trust in Source is our security, and our serenity. And when we have the mindset that any step we take or choice we make will lead us to learn something about ourselves so we can grow, we realize we cannot ever fail.

Perhaps the next time you feel a fear, look for which wish accompanies it; though, you’ll likely find the ultimate wish is that you believe in yourself enough to trust you can handle whatever comes your way, whether that’s to take an action that creates a positive shift or to choose to release something or someone from your life that or who is taking life force from you rather than contributing to your joy and fulfillment.

Ask yourself how you truly want to feel about any matter. Then ask yourself what stops you from feeling that way now. You may quickly realize the only thing that stops you is that you made a choice based on your level of self-trust, even if that choice was to believe you are confused. You can give yourself permission to feel the way you wish to feel, no matter what, and trust yourself and Source. You can realize there are only steps that lead you to grow and learn. Try it. Watch what happens in your life as a result. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.        

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

Everything Has A Reason and A Season

Trees don't struggle to keep their leaves when autumn arrives, nor do they resist new growth in spring. But, resistance to change is how we sometimes or often approach our lives and experiences.

Life asks—insists really, that we engage a continuous shedding and new growth aspect. Maybe you're trying to hang onto something it's time to let go of or trying to change something not ready to shift just yet.

Everything that comes to us really does have a reason, as difficult as it sometimes is to perceive or believe. Even some of the most painful, frustrating, and scary moments have eventually made sense at some later time—have shown some purpose in my life and in the greater tapestry I'm part of. Like when a personal or professional relationship ends, only to see days, months, or years later that what happened was actually order demonstrated within what felt like chaos initially or even for a while longer.

Every change that's happened or happens in my life is eventually revealed as an intricate, integral aspect of something larger—something only a Higher Mind could orchestrate with such precision and wisdom, whether we attribute that wisdom to our soul self or Source or the partnership that exists between them. Pain and struggle felt after events have happened, felt that way because I temporarily disconnected from absolute trust in Source (and sometimes in myself), a trust that has been demonstrated as worthy and worth it more times than it seems it should take for an individual to finally accept and allow that everything has a reason.

Everything also has a season. How often have you relied on something for a while only to see it diminish or begin to show signs of this, and you tried to cling to it as though it were permanent, or should be? When something is shed or removed from our life, it means that something else is coming our way; something desires to open, expand, renew, or be created.

Look at your life right now and notice what, as the Native American phrase goes, has stopped "growing corn" for you, or you're aware that it's heading that way. I bet you can think of at least one aspect of your life this applies to, just as I can. Sometimes we think we are obligated to hold on when we are actually obligated to let go in order to look after our best interests and well-being, or look toward where and how we are to grow next. People, things, and events come into our life for a reason and a season, though the season may be brief or long and the reason unclear, until it's time for us to understand it differently.

When you see that a season for something in your life is approaching its end, that's the time to envision the next phase or realize you're at a crossroads, and that it's time to give what's next real consideration. Often, because we tend to hang on to things when their season is waning, or even over, we ignore the fact that we're being nudged or kicked in the backside to not only embrace the fact of forthcoming change but get involved with it so we have as much influence as possible about how we experience what comes next.

Whenever the stream or streams you rely on show signs of drying up or changing course, for a reason or a season, you can consider one of these approaches:

1.       Is it time to find a new stream? Perhaps you're being nudged toward growth and newness, and a new right-for-you stream is elsewhere. You need to go there, where you find fresh, flowing waters. The reason your stream dries up or changes course is because you might not make the move you need to unless this happens. You may feel like you're being punished or penalized. You aren't; you're being motivated to grow.

2.       Maybe there's a better way, an innovation, you haven't thought of or tried yet. One tweak or even a small shift in one direction or another may make all the difference.

3.       Maybe it's about looking for what blocks the stream, like limiting beliefs or negative thinking or fear of change, so you can begin a process that lets the metaphorical waters flow again. (An empowering book that can help is Feel the Fear…and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.)

Sometimes we attempt to make a change happen before its time. This can feel frustrating, like we're spinning our wheels, when we've simply shown up for our appointment a bit too early. It's like getting to the restaurant far earlier than you can be seated or before other members of your party arrive. The wait feels different than if you arrived on time or together.

There's another aspect to this. Have you ever had the feeling that something you're about to do isn't as "right" as it might be, or you feel hesitation? That's your intuition communicating with you. If you're headstrong or so focused on easing a fear, pain, or frustration with an action, you may ignore that inner nudge. I'm not saying I get this right every time, but I more often than not get that nudge and pause, like when I'm about to send an e-mail I'm eager to get out and that twinge comes to me. I have to be willing to trust that my inner wisdom and guidance wants me to pay attention to something; and when I listen I see why the signal was sent. It’s also important to discern if it’s a true intuitive nudge or a fear based on a self-worth or confidence issue.

You've heard it before: A vacuum is created so there's room to fill it with something else, or something better, but always something that contributes to our life experience in a meaningful way. How quickly we open to seeing it this way has all to do with how long we choose to struggle with the transition. This doesn't mean we are obligated to "like" all change that happens; but just as forgiveness is really about setting us free, understanding this reason-and-season fact can help us find serenity that results from trust in Source, and in ourselves, when inner storms happen. You can also adopt the mindset that everything that happens is a win for you because it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. You can deliberately look for the potential benefits.

Maybe it's time for you to give thought to which streams in your life supply you with energy and life force, which don't, and which need adjustment so they flow smoothly and abundantly again. As the saying from an unknown author goes, “The pathway is smooth. Why do you throw rocks before you?” Put this kind of consideration into practice and see where or how it leads you. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.        

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

Is It a Breaking Point or a Turning Point?

There are crossroad moments in life, but there are also moments that have a stronger dynamic than that. These are moments when you face major decisions about giving up or giving out or going forward in life.

"A crisis only becomes a breaking point when we fail to use it as a turning point," wrote Guy Finley. Most of us have had a moment when we faced, or may now face, this truth. Depending on what’s going on, we can feel weakened, either momentarily or for longer; and we may have to dig deep for the courage and self-love to head toward the direction of a balance point. Along with this, it takes an act of courage to reach out to others when we feel weakened so that we can get strong again, as author and motivational speaker Les Brown reminded us. That’s not always easy or comfortable to do, especially if you have self-worth issues about your deservedness or a belief that you have to be perceived as perfect, which means you erroneously believe you must never have or demonstrate feelings other than those of empowerment.

Sometimes, what gets us to feel we’re approaching a breaking point is a series of events that seem to pile up. Sometimes, it's one event. Sometimes, it’s both, which has been my recent experience. Either scenario can make us feel that we're going to break open or break apart. That's why I was especially appreciative to reread Finley's and Brown’s words. I’ve had to reach out to select others lately, in order to stay strong during a particularly challenging time. I’ve had to look at my role in the dynamics and own it, which has been painful but transforming; but doing this empowers me in many ways. What I've been facing can be viewed as a problem (breaking point) or as an impetus (turning point) to do something that's needed to be done for quite a while. In its specific way, my situation is a signal to turn and aim my life in a direction that is more appropriate for me, as though I can hear the words whispered on the wind, "Your life is calling you." Along with the emotions I’ve experienced, I’ve also been able to see the gifts and the hand of Source at work for my and the highest good.

It's somewhat frightening and exhilarating to stand in this place. Like that phrase that refers to leaping and finding you can fly. The encouraging words of support and love that have been coming to me from family and friends, and messages sent by Source in its very special way, help me remember how blessed I am in my life, how much I have to appreciate. And I realize one of the biggest blessings is that I can recognize this.

I haven’t popped right into "positive energy and emotions only" mode as yet, nor will I put that unrealistic demand or burden on myself: There are still things to resolve and healing work to be done. I know that staying in an agitated state won’t fix anything and is potentially damaging to the body, as well as every area of life. Einstein's words come back to me, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." I can't keep doing the same things and expect different results; none of us can. And I can tell you that making specific changes has not been received well by one and all, though, support for the needed changes is strong from others; though, that shouldn’t be required in order for any of us to take strength in any choice we make that’s in our best and highest interest. In fact, making specific changes has set other dynamics into motion, as is wont to happen; but I completely trust Source to continue to support me, as well as act for the highest good of all involved.

Why is it that we sometimes feel compelled to wait to make changes until we have to? I'm one who believes everything has a purpose, so there's no judgment in that question. I can think of lots of reasons we might do that. Sometimes the reasons include being a kind, caring person who doesn’t like to give up, which means the person also doesn’t know that necessary endings are natural and, well, necessary, whether that’s a complete ending or ending only what doesn’t work. Sometimes it’s because a co-dependent (toxic) relationship has been formed, whether personal or professional, and any number of fears get in the way, preventing a needed shift from happening. Sometimes it’s because we live from the outside in rather than from the inside out, which puts the quality of our life into the hands of others instead of in our own hands and in partnership with Source. Sometimes it’s to get our attention onto an inner healing that is needed, which of course could result in any or all of the above reasons I listed here. I'm certainly now aware of my reasons, and I'm directing my energy in a way that lets me move forward, however this challenge unfolds.

If you experience a moment, or are in one now, that feels like a breaking point, what might you do to make it your turning point? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.           

           

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

Number Your Days and Name Your Blessings

Do your days feel ordinary? Do you feel there are too few blessings in your life? Maybe you'd like to shift this.

Let's look at the second part of the article title first. We tend to put a lot of energy into naming what we want (often stated as "don't haves") and not a lot of energy into naming what we have. We are surrounded by people and advertising, obvious and subtle, that promotes this as a natural or expected way to be and feel. The result is that we wake each morning, go about our days, and go to sleep with very little appreciation for what we have and we may, in fact, dwell on the opposite, that is, what we perceive as the negatives.

         

We believe, which is really mimic others and repeat behaviors we learned, that it's natural or responsible to focus on what's "wrong" with us, everyone else, and in certain areas of our lives or life itself. This is so prevalent that we miss or discount what is right in us, others, and life. We learned to complain (rather than occasionally vent) to anyone who'll listen or happens to be where we are, maybe about the same things over and over. We're so focused in this way that, often, our perspective about what-is, as well as what can be, gets skewed, and our ability to be creative about solutions, resolutions, or improvements gets diminished.

Kurt Wright explained in his book, Breaking the Rules, that we use our rational minds to judge, to assign value as right/wrong, good/bad rather than use that part of our mind as it was designed: To convey "facts into and back out of our intuition," so that we use our whole-mind function rather than just the analytical mind, which has been scientifically proven unable to discern fact from fiction. The result is that we disallow "good judgment" to happen. Judgment, in its most beneficial form, is there to help us figure out what fits and doesn't, in an ongoing, ever-evolving assessment of a desired ideal. When we go straight into right/wrong, good/bad judgment, we block our intuition's ability to respond to beneficial questions like, "What else might be going on here? What might the bigger picture be? What feels appropriate for me, or inappropriate? What would have to happen for me to feel head-and-heart alignment about this, or at all?"

Recognizing what you have doesn't mean you aren't aware of what you'd like to shift so that you have more desirable experiences and results. In fact, the greater your appreciation is for what you have, the greater your ability is to solve, resolve, and make productive shifts. We want more blessings in our life, but do we notice (name) the ones we have? Do we embrace them? To those who have appreciation, more to appreciate is given.

One way to name your blessings, as wisely stated by Joel Osteen, is to as often as possible, exchange the words HAVE TO with GET TO. Think about what this really means in the greater scheme of life around the world. You don't have to go to work, you get to go to work (you're able to receive income and perhaps perks). You don't have to do your studies, you get to do them (education is available). You don't have to wake up, you get to wake up (you're alive another day, with its opportunities). You don't have to interact with your children or other members of your family, you get to interact with them (your loved ones are still with you). You don't have to work with clients or customers, you get to (people want what you provide). Recall the last thing you said you had to do and say "get to" instead of "have to." How does that feel? Example: I have to grocery shop vs. I get to grocery shop, which means I get to walk into a store and easily reach for what I want or need rather than have to grow, raise, process, or preserve all of it; and I have the means to do this.

What else in your life do you say you Have to do that, with a perspective shift, you realize you Get to do? See? Hear? Breathe? Feel? Think? Love? Appreciate? Pay for products and services that benefit your life? Use your limbs? How many moments do you experience that go unnoticed or unappreciated by you?

This leads to the first part of the article title: Number Your Days. The quote comes from the Bible, Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." This is about appreciating each day. It's about realizing what author Dan Millman realized: "There are no ordinary moments." I add: only ordinary perspectives.

We are so involved with our thoughts about matters and things, mostly negative thoughts, that we miss the fact that every moment we have is extraordinary—and numbered. None of us know the number of our days or the days of others. It's not that we're to use this as our motivation to behave better out of a sense of obligation or guilt, but to let awareness of this motivate better, more joyful behavior and deeper appreciation, to place greater value on our moments and blessings than we have been. I'm not saying we should appreciate anything that's intolerable or inappropriate (though, we can appreciate that we can discern this and make a choice in favor of our well-being); this is about the gifts in our life that we don't recognize and name as such.

You woke up today. It's likely you were able to get out of bed without assistance. Same for going to the bathroom; or if you needed assistance, it's likely you had it. It's likely you showered or bathed inside your residence, with water you could adjust temperature-wise to suit you. You probably had coffee and food in your kitchen or easy access to someone who provided them. Maybe you drove, rode a bike, used public transportation, or walked to work, even if that's in the next room. Maybe you interacted with a loved one or cherished friend, or will during the day. The list can go on and on. It's up to you to practice naming your blessings, small and large. It's up to you to practice seeing your days and moments as numbered and, therefore, not in the least ordinary.

Today, and everyday, take time to appreciate what you have, especially what you usually don't think about or often take for granted. Consider the habit of not getting out of bed until you find at least one reason to feel deep appreciation rather than start your day with grumbling or trepidation. Make a moment to state appreciation to someone—it matters. It makes a difference, for them and for you. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.          

                                

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Are You Leaning?

By Barbara Berger

When you start becoming aware that you’re not in control of very much, you will probably discover many things – one of them is that you’re ‘leaning’. (Leaning goes hand in hand with the control game.) Now what do I mean by ‘leaning’? Leaning is when we exert a whole lot of effort to achieve or do something over which we have no control whatsoever. Things happen or they don’t; but when we lean, it’s because we want a specific outcome. We want something to happen or not happen. The problem with leaning is that we’re using so much energy yearning and striving for results and outcomes that are quite beyond our control. For example: You start a project and hope for success. You begin an assignment and hope your boss will like the job you do. You dress up pretty for a nice date and hope the guy will like the way you look. In every case, ‘leaning’ is going on. Why do I say that? Well because there are two parts to each of the above statements. Let’s take a look at what I mean:

1)    You start a project and hope for success. The fact is you’re starting a project. Period. That’s what’s going on. You are going to do this or that to the very best of your ability. And you do. That’s what’s within your control. As for the results of your efforts, well forget about them. Results are way beyond our control. When you worry about results and success, you’re leaning. Which isn’t good for your peace of mind. The wise course is to do the best you can and leave the rest to the universe. Because that’s the way it is anyway. The reality is that it’s beyond your control no matter what you think or do. You have no control over any of it and by thinking you do, you cause yourself so much stress, worry and anguish.

2)    You begin an assignment and hope your boss will like the job you do. Again, if you want to live a happy life, do the best you can and forget the rest. Don’t worry about whether your boss will like what you do or not. Do your utmost and forget it. You have no control over what your boss thinks or doesn’t think; and if you use a lot of energy worrying about the results and hoping for approval, you are leaning and wearing yourself out for nothing!

3)    You dress up pretty for your date and hope the guy will like the way you look. Again, this is like howling at the moon. Dress up as pretty as you can for your own pleasure and leave the rest to the universe. The guy is going to like/love you (or not like/love you) regardless of whether you’re wearing eye makeup and your best dress. So if you want to enjoy your date, stop leaning and leave it to the universe. And remember, there’s always another party going on somewhere in town.

Practice not leaning

All joking aside, is it possible not to lean? And if it is, can we practice not leaning? Yes I think it is possible, and like everything else in life, it’s all about becoming more aware of what we are doing. It’s a process. It’s about waking up and in this case, it’s about learning to let things be. And here again I’d like to point out most emphatically that this has nothing to do with being passive or not caring or not doing your best. You should definitely do your best! You should definitely constantly check your intention and motivation. You should definitely go for the highest you can envision. But once you do your part, let it go. In other words, release the outcome instead of wanting and straining for specific results. Because this is where the struggle grinds you down. You could say it’s a balance act, which involves doing your best and not wanting or caring about the results at the same time. Rather do and let go. Do and let things be. Is this possible? Of course it is! But it does take awareness and practice.

When we act, no matter what we do, we set in motion a chain of events. That’s just the way it is. So if we act with the best possible intention and work for the very best we can envision, what more can we do? We’re not running the show, even if we’d like to think we are. We’re actually just here for the ride, and it can be a very pleasant ride if we’re not so attached to the results.

Success or failure, who cares? It’s more about resting in yourself. She loves me, she loves me not, who cares? It’s more about knowing your own worth and letting her go to find the love of her life (which might be you). My boss likes my work or he doesn’t, who cares? It’s more about showering your brilliance wherever you go and leaving it at that. If you win the prize, fine, if not, who cares? Brilliance is the way of it anyway.

  

Just as long as you let go, you’ll be fine. It’s the caring and worrying about outcomes that grinds us down.

So keep your intention pure.

Go for the gold and leave it at that.

This is a sure way to bring yourself back to this now moment and live a happy life.

Barbara Berger is the author of the international bestseller The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul (published in 30 languages) and The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind. Her highly acclaimed book, Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life (already published in 14 languages) was just released in the US and the UK. The books can be ordered on Amazon.com. For more about Barbara Berger see www.beamteam.com

I Have the Perfect Teacher

I Have the Perfect Teacher by Lisa Meade, Ph.D.

I am counting my blessings. I am filled with gratitude. I am celebrating the beautiful lessons that I am given each and every day. All this is presented to me by my perfect teacher.

I have had many different mentors in life. I have read an unimaginable amount of books by the wisest of healers and spiritual visionaries. I have had the glorious opportunity to practice many different ways to connect more and more fully to my soul's calling.

Over time I have learned that my perfect teacher insures that the very lesson I need to be learning, the very insight I can find within myself and the very longing my soul is reaching to is the lesson of the day.

What is the best lesson my perfect teacher has taught me? All the situations and circumstances of my life, the big and the small, the powerful and the insignificant, are there to teach me exactly what I need to be learning.

Who is this perfect teacher? How is it that they are so accurate and timely? My perfect teacher is my life. This beautiful, changing, expanding and evolving life! My life makes certain that my path is crossed with people who will bring into my day offerings and needs, challenges and trials, wisdom and grace, all to enrich the experience of what my life lesson is in the moment.

My life is my classroom. The situations, the relationships, the experiences and more all add to the day's lesson. It is within this classroom that I practice patience, love, awareness, presence, gratitude, and compassion. It is within this classroom that I learn my strengths and my weaknesses. My teacher makes sure that lessons are balanced and full.

I make sure to fill my heart with gratitude each day for my teacher. I awake every day with the honoring of all the possibilities that will surely come my way. I remember that this perfect teacher has brought me so far down this amazing path, even when I had my doubts or dared to have fear. My teacher stayed true to me. My trust is steadfast that my life has all the answers that I need to be my fullest, my most brilliant, my best Self.

Copyright ©2014: Lisa Meade, Ph.D.

Having facilitated at numerous women's empowerment programs, women’s spiritual retreats and shamanic offerings, Lisa Meade brings a unique style of leadership to the community.  She offers a wide range of services so that her clients are able to choose what works best for their needs, whether in person, by phone, online, in a group setting or one on one. Lisa is an avid writer and many share her Spirit Blog. She has also served as a contributor to various online magazines, and hosts several social media pages. Creating global connections through the variety of these relationships has allowed Lisa to bring her service as a Shaman and Spiritual Life Coach and Soul Mentor to clients internationally as well as close to home. Lisa takes great pride in helping those that she works with see the potent energy to be found by being present and in the moment, to tap into the beauty of the gifts and lessons that are brought to their day and how to bring their soul and its wondrous energy to each thought, action and word spoken. To learn more about Lisa Meade and her offerings visit www.womenwithinsight.com