How Moments Connect

There are times when we pay attention and are able to see moments string together like a jeweler strings pearls. Alter even one moment, especially because of an incorrect assumption, and the potential outcome shifts.

One reason the movie “It's a Wonderful Life” is a popular classic is because of the main message: each person plays a significant role in many lives, whether it’s a positive or negative role. Another reason is that the movie story demonstrates how events or moments connect in the bigger picture. We don't always pause to consider this.

Others and I played our roles in specific moments that, upon reflection, played out with the precision of fine clockwork. The result was the first-time inclusion of a piece of art in a local gallery by a member of my gang of friends. The timing sequence involved was so exact it caught my attention.

Our gang had gone to prior showings at the gallery in our Brooklyn neighborhood, and had discussed how the work of the active artist among us could easily be included in a showing. The opportunity came and he submitted a piece to be considered. Time passed and it was now two days before the opening and he hadn’t heard anything from the gallery owner. Then the magic began, and did so through “ordinary” moments.

Here's how the magic played out. One friend who lived on the first floor of our building e-mailed that she had returned from a follow-up visit to her surgeon. I felt inspired (compelled) to ask if I could go see her right then. She agreed, and I acted on it. I used the stairs rather than the elevator, and by the time I got to the floor where the artist friend lived, he came out of the elevator. I asked about his submitted piece to the gallery. He said he'd heard nothing from the gallery. Note: He'd used the elevator because he was coming up from the basement. Had I used the elevator, we would not have seen each other because I would have gotten out on the first floor and the elevator would have then picked him up in the basement.

I suggested he follow up with the gallery since we know that some e-mails never arrive or get lost in the shuffle. He shifted from crestfallen to more hopeful, went inside his apartment, and I continued down the stairs to visit my other friend.

When I returned to my apartment, I found an e-mail from my artist friend stating he'd followed up with another e-mail to the gallery, as I’d suggested. He could just as easily have assumed there was no point to doing so. Our gang tends to make our e-mails about certain topics a group e-mail; so another friend e-mailed a comment about this. Feeling frustration on behalf of the artist friend, her negative comment was based on an assumption that proved not to be the case.

I had an event to attend that evening. Before I left my apartment, I received an e-mail from my artist friend saying the gallery owner e-mailed back that his piece was included. Had he heard my suggestion and decided not to act, or had he accepted the other friend's assumption as truth (we all do this at times), or had I taken the elevator instead of the stairs, he and we would have missed out, as would have others: his work is genuinely good.

At the evening event, I was talking with other friends about attending the gallery show, when the gallery owner walked up. I told her my friend was excited about being included. She told me how happy she was he'd e-mailed her again because she’d really wanted to include his piece, but his e-mail had gotten lost among the torrent of e-mailed submissions she'd received.

If you look at how many people were involved in this singular event (including the people who put the event together I attended that night, and who had to know whom) and how things flowed, you get an idea (if you've never played with this before) of how energy can work, when we allow it (and pay attention to the smaller and bigger picture). You also get a glimmer (if you've never considered it before) about how connected everyone and everything is. Remove or alter, even by seconds, any one moment (or person) from the list above and you can see how the outcome could have shifted in a variety of ways.

We participate in helping energy flow either positively or negatively. It's always a moment-by-moment choice.

It's also a great lesson about how making an assumption, and assuming it's true, and then acting as if it is true, has the potential to steal experiences (and magical moments) from us. I try to remind myself as often as possible that when something looks one way, it may be another. Very often, what's necessary is more information.

A real problem can be solved; an imaginary one cannot.

It's a good practice to ask, "Do I have enough information to know what's really going on?" This one question can save us minutes or hours or years of entering the negative-thought vortex, based on an incorrect assumption. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.   

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

Mental Attitude, Beliefs, and Faith: A Foolproof Way to Shift What You Believe in Your Favor

What do mental attitude, beliefs, and faith have as a common denominator? Self-talk—that great self-saboteur. Ready to take your conscious and subconscious self-talk to a whole new level?

Often, the topics of mental attitude, beliefs, and faith can feel like something outside of us. Let’s place these firmly within us, where they belong, and as the power generators they are intended to be for us.

How can you know for certain what it is that you really believe? Well, what you really believe is what you practice, consciously (objectively) or subconsciously (subjectively). What you practice is what you have faith in; but, this is a statement that’s more involved than you might think. Ernest Holmes said this about faith in his book, The Science of Mind: “When you analyze faith you find that it is a mental attitude against which there is no longer any contradiction in the mind that entertains it.” What often happens is that we aren’t aware of the subjective contradictions hidden within our mental attitude, sometimes in plain sight. What if there’s a way to shine the light of Truth on subjective contradictions in a way that empowers you as never before? A few paragraphs from now, I’m going to show you how you can do this.

What are some of the things we typically have faith in, when we consider faith to be a mental attitude absent of contradictions? Well, some of them are supportive and some of them are not. As a non-supportive example, we have faith in fear. Do you immediately feel you want to contradict that statement? How’s this for evidence, then? Keeping in mind that faith is a mental attitude about something your mind has no contradiction with: Do you have faith that your job security is not secure? (More about security in a moment.) Do you have faith that you’ll never be financially serene? Do you have faith that you’ll never have the quality relationship (with whomever) that you desire? Do you have faith that you’ll never experience health and well-being in the way you desire? Do you have faith that your strength, support, and/or supply come from others? What else might you add here that your mental attitude has no subjective contradiction with, no matter what you affirm and know you desire?

Still keeping in mind that faith is a mental attitude about something that your mind has no contradiction with: What about your faith in your talents, skills, creative abilities? Do you have faith that you can do or perform well anything you’re good at? Do you have faith that you can learn new things? Do you have faith that you can handle well the tools of your trade you are familiar with? Do you have faith that you can do the everyday things you usually do?

There are many, many things about you and what you do that you do so naturally and automatically that you seldom give thought to them or, perhaps, ever feel and express your appreciation about them. Anything, no matter how small or large or significant or seemingly insignificant that you do (and maybe take for granted) is always a demonstration of a mental attitude (belief, faith) that your mind has no contradiction with. How did you reach this attitude?

You demonstrated it to yourself; and more than likely, this demonstration had you start from where you were, whatever your age was or means were at the time, and involved practice until whatever it was you were learning became natural and automatic for you. Even if there sometimes were challenges about it, you still felt sure enough about yourself and your abilities to meet each challenge. Maybe it even felt like a creative challenge, and you felt good and took pride and enjoyment from meeting it.

Holmes also wrote this about faith, which he wrote in all capital letters, but that was before the electronic age we enjoy today, when All Caps are now associated with shouting at people: “Faith is a mental attitude which is so convinced of its own idea—which so completely accepts it—that any contradiction is unthinkable and impossible.” There are things you believe about yourself, life, and Source that you completely accept—subjectively (subconsciously). You can see how this can work against you or for you.

A unique, powerful way to assist you whenever you need to shift your thoughts out of a negative mental attitude is to insert the words “I have faith that” before any negative thought you’re holding. For example, let’s say you’re anxious about an upcoming meeting. Your ego-aspect is fearful that it won’t go well. How does it feel to make that a statement that proclaims “I have faith that this meeting won’t go well for me.” That’s a whole different energy, when you put specific words to what you’re feeling, isn’t it? If you preface any fearful, negative, or non-supportive statement with “I have faith that…,” such as in this example about the meeting, how will you behave differently than if you don’t have that mental attitude, that “faith” that it won’t go well for you?

Imagine saying the following, or give it a try now, as you read these statements, and see how it feels to proclaim them:

·         I have faith that I don’t have Self worth.

·         I have faith that I don’t deserve the good Source wants me to have.

·         I have faith that finances are a struggle for me.

·         I have faith that health is a problem for me.

·         I have faith that success is hard or impossible.

·         I have faith that I won’t recover from this experience I’m having.

·         I have faith that negativity (anger, bitterness, sorrow) is my path, and that I’ll never get over this or release this.

Every time you have and hold a negative thought, you’re actually making an opposing “faith” statement—a proclamation, without realizing it. You could keep going with more of these statements of your own, but you see how a part of you really wants to go in another direction from such opposing “faith” statements. Somewhere inside you, a voice shouts, “No! No! No! That is NOT what I want or want to believe.” Or maybe the voice shouted, “I absolutely DO NOT believe that, nor do I choose to!” At least, I hope that’s what you experienced. Whenever you make a positive affirmation but don’t put it into practice as a mental attitude, you’re being guided by a subjective opposing “faith” statement, and that’s what you practice, without realizing it.

How does it feel to make these statements?

·         I have faith that Source loves me unconditionally.

·         I have faith that Source supports and supplies me, and is my only True resource because ALL is Source; ultimately, there is ONLY Source.

·         I have faith that I am a good person, worthy of all the good things Source has made available for me to use and enjoy.

·         I have faith that I can make wise and/or appropriate choices on my behalf.

·         I have faith in my particular talents, skills, and abilities.

·         I have faith that I have the resources I need and in right timing.

·         I have faith that with Source, which is ALWAYS on my side, my True security in any area of my current life and my eternal life is always assured.

What else might you add to this regarding what you have faith in about you, life, and Source? What would you like to add or choose to add? If there’s a statement you want to add but feel a contradiction about it, practice the opposing “faith” statement first so you can feel the “No!” then shift it to a statement you have no contradiction with.

Maybe you currently have health issues, financial issues, or any other kinds of issues you’re contending with. Having any issue, no matter your attitude, is not a sign of failure: You must look with larger vision at this. You must keep in mind or re-Mind yourself, as Catherine Ponder wrote, not to be hypnotized by appearances. Having a particular mental attitude may or may not quickly shift your experience or even shift it in the way your ego-aspect prefers, but it will shift YOU in the ways that benefit you most as a Spiritual Being, and be long-lasting.

Use the faith statement method offered above to assist you with this. As Holmes wrote, faith “is a dynamic fact.” This means your mental attitude is a dynamic fact. With faith and mental attitude practiced in this way, the number and level of fears and negative beliefs you may have carried for years begin to diminish and are replaced with serenity, joy, enthusiasm, trust; and the good you’ve been waiting for begins to show up, whether as an outer manifestation or an inner one that you feel. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.          

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

The Power of Reframing Your Reality

If you're not familiar with what reframing is, I have a quote from American Actress Shelley Winters that is an example: "I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short."

Why would anyone need to reframe what-is? Reality is what it is, isn't it? Maybe. We know that how we perceive things is how we experience them. This is why two people can see or hear the same thing and respond or react differently. Sometimes, this means we ignore the obvious, perhaps make excuses. Other times, it means the story we tell ourselves causes us to feel bad rather than better. When your attention is primarily on things as they are, or seem to be, you block expansion of what-is and what is possible.

Reframing is so very important because if we don’t put it into practice, we can exhaust ourselves or make ourselves ill as a result of all the opposing thoughts to what-is that we have and repeat to ourselves and others. Our opposing thoughts can, instead, get our attention onto the fact there is deep-level resistance going on about what-is, and it’s likely about something we feel we can’t change or are afraid to change. Viktor Frankl gave us his renowned quote that relates to reframing: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

During the course of a day, or a lifetime, we tell ourselves a lot of things. Maybe we say we can't be happy, confident, serene, or whatever we want to feel until we lose 20 pounds, have a certain bank balance, or reach whatever parameter we place out ahead of us. Will we attain our goals and dreams faster and easier if we delay feeling the way we want to until we accomplish what we aim to? Even if this doesn’t cause delay, why feel bad in the process? We waste time and energy waiting for circumstances and ourselves to be perfect or ideal so that we can feel good “when” instead of feeling that way now. Neale Donald Walsch said, “Happiness is not produced by conditions; conditions are produced by happiness.”

"It is impossible to be both grateful and depressed. Those with a grateful mindset tend to see the message in the mess. And even though life may knock them down, the grateful find reasons, if even small ones, to get up." – Steve Maraboli

A good time to reframe is when an outcome is less than we expect or hope for. Times such as these are not "failures," but valuable information-gathering experiences. (Did you notice how the last sentence used reframing?) You can choose to make every outcome or process work for you rather than against you. This may not feel natural or simple, but if you do it, you'll move forward rather than stand still. That is the real power of reframing. “The only thing that ever prevents your receiving something that you desire is that your habit of thought is different from your desire,” said Abraham-Hicks.

Reframing takes us out of the mono-vision we can get locked into. If we look around, we see lots of people enjoying themselves in ways we're putting off until... Do you know anyone who is not a millionaire, but is happy? Do you know any men or women without perfect bodies who are happy and in romantic relationships? Do you know anyone with a health or physical issue who not only gets around, but enjoys as fulfilling a life as possible? One thing can be assumed about such people: they tell themselves a story that is different from what someone else may tell themselves. They are reframing experts. Aristotle advised, “What we expect, that we find.”

Pick something you're putting off feeling better about until you reach a specific outcome. Choose to feel good just as things are and just as you are. This doesn't mean you don't still aim at your desired outcomes, it means you give yourself permission to enjoy yourself and your life right now, and feel and express appreciation, which is the ultimate vibration to send out, whatever the circumstances. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.         

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

The Money Energy Virus

In most cultures around the world, there is a LOT of energy when it comes to the topic of money, much of it not very positive. Maybe we need to look at this.

What are your thoughts when you hand over money in exchange for goods or services, or even as gifts? By money I mean the paper version, coins, checks, even debit and credit cards and automatic payments, which you see registered on your account status. What if the money you touched, whatever its form, carried the energy to you of the person who touched it last, or it carried the energy of every person who ever touched it? This could apply to the keypad you use for debit card transactions, or the pen you use to sign a check or credit card voucher, or your own keyboard or whatever technology you use to check your account transactions. What energy would you prefer be transferred to you? What energy do you transfer?

Think this is airy-fairy nonsense? There’s a branch of paranormal science called psychometry, where you hold or touch an object and pick up information from it, including about the person who held it or carried it or had it last, and sometimes farther back than that. You can research this online or find books about it, if you’re unfamiliar with it.

Everything is energy (we can no longer deny this), so it shouldn’t be a surprise to us to realize we pick up on the energy around us all the time, as well as imprint our own energy wherever we are. You’ve perhaps even felt this when you’ve walked into a room and felt inclined to say, “The energy in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife.” Maybe certain places make you uncomfortable. You may think it’s because it’s a hospital or whatever, and maybe that’s accurate for your own reasons, but maybe it’s about more than that. We’re used to being aware of energy in some instances, but not in others, but it doesn’t mean energy isn’t everywhere, or that we can perceive some forms of energy but not others. We may not translate or “read” what we pick up energy-wise, but we do receive it.

I mentioned the money-energy virus in the title. I won’t look up a formal definition of what a virus is, because you’ve possibly experienced one health-wise or know someone who has, and because in this computerized world, we understand what it can mean for a computer to get one, or what it means for a video to go viral, as well as how quickly that can happen. The parallels to money energy are there in that what we touch gets imbued with our energy imprint and gets passed on. This can also apply to anything we touch: food we prepare or others prepare for us, apparel we buy or give or sell, each other, and so on.

Again, this is not as strange as it may sound. And it’s akin to what we’ve learned about organ transplants. Organ recipients take on personality traits of the donors. Not necessarily all the traits, but some, for sure. There are years of research and a number of books about this energy transference. It’s quite stunning, to say the least.

Energy leaves traces. This is why you might go from feeling content to feeling uncomfortable when you sit in a particular chair or seat on a bus or subway or bench, or why your energy may drop (or raise) when you enter a store or other public place. You might begin to wonder why your mood shifted suddenly and what caused the shift. And, of course, energy doesn’t work only in the negative. It most definitely works in the positive as well, which is why you can be in a bad mood and feel better or happier once someone in a good mood (good energy vibrations) enters the room or calls or e-mails you.

Thinking about this brought to mind the movie Monsters, Inc., where monsters pop out of children’s closets at night so the screams can be captured and used as fuel, like we use electricity. Things change when it’s discovered that children’s laughter creates even more energy than their screams. Plus, everyone has a much happier experience of life when laughter instead of fear is engaged.

We sometimes wonder about the attitudes of so many, as well as our own, that include fear, frustration, depression, lack of inspiration, lack of joy, scarcity, and so on. What if we’re transferring those energies to each other in a viral kind of way, including through what we touch, especially money, which has such an energetic charge throughout our cultural mindsets? Maybe we should wonder how we can spread more love, serenity, and consciousness, even if we don’t say a word about what we’re doing.

Maybe we can (and should) spread love, care, appreciation, financial and other forms of serenity, joy, blessings, and lots of good things, by putting those thought energies into whatever we touch, particularly money, rather than the thought energies we sometimes put into them. Now that’s the kind of energy, for the highest good of all, to make viral. And think of what it will do for you and your mindset and well-being, as well. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.   

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Of the many thoughts you have each day, how many help you, how many hinder you? You can shift this in your favor.

This article may seem like some pretty heavy stuff for some, or stronger than I usually write, but I ask you to stick with me all the way to the end. Thoughts happen. They are like the stock exchange’s fast-moving digital tickertape, but much, much faster. But there are the thoughts and there is the YOU, the “consciousness” receiver of the thoughts. When you can distinguish between the two or remind yourself to do this, you begin to release yourself from being a prisoner of your thoughts. If or whenever this seems a challenge, just remind yourself that inside of a prison is constraint; outside of it is flow and autonomy.

There is a real YOU—the infinite consciousness that you are—that is not your body, your mind, or your emotions, as strange as that may seem. The “you” having the life experience provides information to your brain based on external stimuli because YOU are here in a body having experiences that use the fives senses to do so. But you are always, always more than that. When you have that feeling that says, “I know I’m more than this,” you’re right!

Life feels difficult and perplexing at times, or a good deal of the time, because you’ve believed the five-sense “you” is the real one, as well as everything the five senses input into your brain, which your brain then decodes to make some sense of that information so you can interpret “reality”. The sense we make of the information is more often than not colored by our beliefs and our conditioning because the brain filters signals we receive about “reality” to fit our beliefs. Sir Francis Bacon said: “The world is not to be narrowed till it will go into the understanding…but the understanding to be expanded and opened till it can take in the image of the world as it is in fact.” 

You want to look at what you believe and who you believe it for. If it isn’t for YOU, you want to look at that as well. You see, restrictive beliefs result in a restrictive experience of “reality”, rather than a big-picture, holistic one. Restrictive beliefs, especially rigid ones, suppress our ability to open and expand consciousness. As we expand our consciousness (actually, lift the veil hiding our consciousness from us), we expand how our brain decodes information it receives; we discern differently because we have more information and an improved means to process it. We and how we experience life expands. That’s the only direction we and life can go in once we re-mind ourselves to expand our consciousness. You can have something of an experience of who the real YOU is if you watch Jill Bolte Taylor’s TED.com video about her Stroke of Insight, where she had a direct experience of full consciousness as one with All There Is compared to the I-am-Jill’s mind and separate, when she had a stroke that closed off her ability to interpret, in the standard manner, the signals her brain received about the world around her.

The five-sense “you” relies on those senses to navigate the life experience. YOU use the five senses but you have a sixth sense (maybe more) called intuition, or inner knowing. Intuition (inner knowing) is not an anomaly just for some. We all have it. I learned this as a fact when I went through the Silva Mind Method training a few decades ago. Even the strongest disbelievers in the class performed, as we had to, to graduate.

Intuition, or inner knowing, is one way we plug into the infinite consciousness we are and are a part of. The esoteric ones of old, and a number of our contemporaries, knew and know this. We may not be brought up to know this about ourselves, we may even be told it’s a “sin” to use this part of our true nature, but it’s still there for us, ready to assist our navigation through life in ways we desire but don’t necessarily feel skilled at using. But we can put it into practice.

Your five senses can cause you to believe the “matrix” is real, that what the senses perceive is all there is, which is quite different from the real All There Is—the One Source, which is limitless in what it can supply and provide for you, and does. The interesting thing about this is that quantum mechanics has proven that nothing, no thing, is there. The only thing there or here is the consciousness creating the appearance of reality, which is a pretty impressive hologram, so impressive that we can literally bump our heads on it. Ernest Homes wrote, “Nothing moves but mind.” He wrote this quite a while before quantum mechanics caught up with this as a fact.

This is an extraordinarily challenging truth for most of us to believe, much less grasp, because though true, it’s contrary to what most believe because of what we were taught and are still being taught, despite the empirical evidence (and ancient knowing). Humans managed to accept that Earth wasn’t the center of the universe and was round, not flat (once they knew they wouldn’t be punished or worse for believing that, and once those in authority could no longer get away with insisting it was flat, etc.). But this fact about reality we’re looking at here is a bit harder to wrap the mind around because we’ve believed the opposite for so long and because of how effective the physics of it all is, as well as what we’re told “reality” is.

When thoughts happen, someone—in your case YOU—is there to notice them. When a person’s body stops, their infinite consciousness departs the body suit but doesn’t cease to exist. This is evidenced by out-of-body experiences, near-death experiences, and more. Even though we know of these experiences or know people who’ve had them, or have had them ourselves, we still don’t necessarily integrate the full meaning for us into our daily lives.

Many of us who’ve been on the spiritual or metaphysical path say we believe we’re infinite consciousness. Do we really believe it, or understand it? If we’re infinite consciousness after we leave the body, then we’re infinite consciousness right now. When we believe only what our five senses supply us with that our brains decode and we (our “you” aspects) then interpret based on how we were conditioned by the various systems in place that hold so much influence over us and our lives (which influences past, present, and future perceptions and experiences), we cut ourselves off from our full, true nature. We say we want to be authentic, but what does that mean to us? Will we include the fact we are more than our thoughts and emotions and body? Or that, in fact, we are not them, that we simply use them while we’re here?

We don’t like feeling limited, but we aren’t too excited about going the distance with what’s being discussed here. In fact, it can be frightening because we’ll have to step away from tribal mentality, which might make the tribe leaders and members a bit peeved with us. (Ever wondered why that is?) Just that thought, or acting on it, can make us feel alone, but only until we find others who understand and live this. Not going the distance is making a choice, one we’re not happy with the results of but are used to, or conditioned to be used to, or are afraid to accept and allow.

We identify with our thoughts, and when we do so, we believe they express absolute truth. All you have to do is have one of your assumptions proven false to see this, which is a minimal form or example of this. We have tens of thousands of thoughts each day. We, as our five-sense “you”, may believe we need to believe each of those thoughts, simply because they’re there. You may recall the revelation that subliminal messages are placed in movies and commercials and more to influence people to buy products or believe whatever. Are those your thoughts? Did you choose them? YOU can choose your thoughts, just as you can choose which item on the stock exchange tickertape to pay attention to or focus on. You really can.

Is it easy to remember you’re more than your thoughts, more than what the five senses indicate you are? Not necessarily, because every day you wake up and set about dealing with whatever you deal with. What’s going on around you or “you”, based on your beliefs, can convince you to be busy in action or have busy-mind, rather than productive-constructive mind, or relaxed mind, which is usually when inner knowing communicates with us. With either or both of these busy aspects going on, who feels they have time or energy to remember he or she is infinite consciousness having a human experience? But we can remember this, even amid the busyness of our lives.

It is important to make time or remember to plug into the Truth of who we are and into our connection with the One Source so we don’t get lost in illusions and delusions. Otherwise, we’re prone to believe we’re weak rather than strong, stuck rather than creative and innovative, limited rather than infinite, not in control of our choices when we can be, and so on—even though some days or during some experiences, we feel limited more than infinite; but we can remember and recover our footing, if we know about this in the first place.

It will also help to know and remember that two of the parts of your brain are the R-complex, which is responsible for our fight, flight, or freeze reactions, and the neocortex, which helps us think things through. In the briefest of nutshells, you have both the ability to react based on whether you feel safe or not, which is based on your thoughts about events, as well as the ability to think about your thoughts a bit before you react. One reason we feel we can’t think straight or with more conscious consideration when we’re having strong (negative) emotions is because the R-complex is activated to ensure survival. This is why we can think straight, or more consciously, when we’re relaxed, without busy-mind.

The R-complex cannot distinguish between the past and present, and is why your body responds to a negative memory as though “it’s” happening now, which causes you to behave as though your survival is at stake, even if you’re lying in a hammock, with everything quiet all around you. If you rely on the R-complex too often or too much, you don’t exercise the neocortex. You then create brain “ruts” that lead you down the path of reactive behavior more than create neuronal “paths” that lead to conscious consideration. This alone may inspire you to become aware of thoughts and aware of the thinker.

How can you distinguish between thoughts and inner knowing? Thoughts have a loudness quality to them: they’re insistent. Inner knowing is subtle. It will nudge you once or twice then go quiet if you don’t listen. You can practically feel thoughts in your head, almost like a movie screen on your forehead facing inward. You feel inner knowing in your chest center, maybe you even feel it radiate into your limbs, but you don’t feel it in your head. Put another way, you feel it in your heart-energy center, not in your mind.

Your thoughts may lead you to want to be considered clever (after all, cleverness is rewarded), which your mind, through thoughts, can accommodate; but clever and wise are not the same thing. Wisdom is something your infinite consciousness provides. Cleverness without wisdom can be disastrous. It can lead to creating things or taking actions that do more short- and long-term harm than any real good, because cleverness doesn’t always consider ethics, morality, justice, and overall well-being, whereas infinite consciousness always does. Cleverness AND wisdom is a beneficial combination. We can look at our own lives and at what’s going on around us to see when cleverness, wisdom, or the combination is used, and when they are not.

Our thoughts based on only five senses keep us occupied, so occupied that we often can’t see the bigger picture going on around us. However, we can choose to put our attention on our connection to the One Source so we keep in mind who we really are, which is not the thoughts we have and not the thoughts we’re told to have or are influenced to have by anyone else. We can look at what’s going on in us and around us and ascertain whether we follow the path the One Source would encourage, or the herd. When we realize we’re not our thoughts, we can think and feel and know for ourselves, and do so from a higher perspective, a perspective more akin to the One Source than the “matrix”. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Tell Yourself a Better Story

Every day, we tell stories from and about our life. Much of what we believe about our stories is based on perceptions. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our perceptions are not always based in fact; and we’d benefit from a shift.

How we relate to stories people tell us and we tell ourselves and others affects how emotionally involved we become. When we become emotionally involved, we tend to lose objectivity. Objectivity is where solutions and resolutions reside and is where the power of passionate detachment comes in handy. But what does that mean?

We associate “passionate” as being fully engaged with something or someone, and “detachment” as disengagement, perhaps even apathy. Not necessarily. Passionate detachment allows us to care deeply, yet release our attachment to emotional involvement that influences us in ways not always in our best interest or the best interest of others.

Life coach training teaches future coaches to practice passionate detachment, though it isn’t called that. This practice is vital if coaches are to assist clients to move forward and attain the outcome they desire. We listen to their stories, but only for so long, in order to gather information. We honor their emotions as genuine responses to their stories, as well as true for them; but if we buy into the stories, we falter in our ability to ask questions that help them explore options and make conscious decisions.

That is passionate detachment at work, and so is this: Coaches care deeply and are compassionate, but our role is to not accept that “nothing can be done” or “it’s too difficult” as is sometimes the complaint of clients—and our own complaint at times as individuals having our own personal challenges (and is why coaches have coaches). A coach’s role is to assist clients to go beyond challenges and to learn and grow from them. This approach is not limited to coaching. Any one of us can apply this to our own perceptions about our own experiences and about others’ experiences. But the fact is that it’s often easier to practice passionate detachment regarding others’ stories than with our own.

If your story is negative and you “feed” it or feed on it, if you allow it to be your reality in total, it's like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles. You move around a great deal, but you go nowhere. Imagine that instead of saying, "I had a horrible childhood," you say, "My childhood was one of experiences that encouraged me to look within and clarify who I choose to be in life. Because of my experiences, I am who I am today and am proud of how I address challenges and grow from them. I may falter at times, but I’m a survivor, as well as someone who intends to thrive." The latter story can be just as true as the former. It's called Reframing. Or as American Actress, Shelley Winters, humorously said, "I'm not overweight; I'm just nine inches too short."

Why would anyone need or want to reframe their stories? Reality is what it is, isn't it? Is that always the case? We know that how we perceive things is how we then experience them. Sometimes, this means we ignore the obvious, perhaps make excuses. Other times, it means the story we tell ourselves causes us to feel bad rather than better, roiled rather than serene, or alone rather than supported by others—and always by Source.

During the course of a day, or a lifetime, we tell ourselves a lot of things. Maybe we say we can't be happy, confident, peaceful, or whatever we want to feel until we lose 20 pounds, have a certain bank balance, someone behaves a certain way, or we reach whatever destination we place out ahead of us. Will we attain our goals and dreams faster if we delay feeling the way we want to, until we accomplish what we aim to or others do what we want them to do?

Not according to Law of Attraction and many other ancient teachings. We waste time and energy, and delay results, waiting for circumstances and ourselves to be perfect or ideal so that we can feel good, instead of feeling that way, or at least a bit better, now. Yes, I know…this is not always as easy as it sounds here, for any of us, including me. But it works. We just have to find head-and-heart alignment about this. We have to take each incident and address it as it comes up. We may have to remind ourselves about this more than a few times.

A good time to reframe is when an outcome or experience is less than we expected or hoped for. Times such as these may be disappointing or frustrating but are not "failures." They are valuable information-gathering experiences. You can choose to make every outcome or process work for you rather than against you. This may not feel natural or simple, but if you do it, you'll move forward rather than stand still. That is the real power of reframing.

Reframing takes us out of the mono-vision we can get locked into. If we look around, we see lots of people enjoying themselves in ways we're putting off “until” or “when” or “if.” Do you know anyone who is not a millionaire but is happy? Do you know any men or women without “perfect” bodies or appearances who are in happy romantic relationships? Do you know people with health issues or physical disabilities who not only get around but enjoy a fulfilling life? One thing can be assumed about such people: they are reframing experts. They tell themselves different stories than what someone else with similar challenges may tell themselves.

Pick something you're putting off feeling better about until you reach a specific outcome. You can choose to feel good about you, just as you are, and good about life just as life is in this very moment. This doesn't mean you don't honor what you feel or don’t still aim at your target or desired outcome or experience; it means you give yourself permission to enjoy yourself and your life starting now, which can be facilitated with reframing your stories so you tell yourself something better or more meaningful.

If you can change your stories, you can change how you experience your life. You shouldn't deny that you have the emotions you do about your experiences, but you can use them to your benefit if you create a new story and find a way to relate to its truth, as in the examples above. Passionate detachment gets you there because it allows you to make conscious choices instead of emotional ones, and to decide to release whatever holds you back. It lifts the nail out of your shoe so you can move forward instead of stay stuck.

Is your story an Aesop, Grimm, Fairy, or Reframed tale? It's your choice. Reframing is not playing Pollyanna; it’s about not taking life solely on the terms of your ego-based perceptions but on the terms based in your spiritual awareness and personal power. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Do You Plan for a Bad Day?

Who would deliberately plan to have a bad day, you ask? Anyone who doesn’t set themselves up for a good or better day, that’s who. Which one do you plan for?

Honestly, there are days that go “bad” and there’s nothing you can do about the events that happened. When such days occur, you have to do what you can to manage yourself through them as best you can. But for our purposes here, I’m talking about the “average” days, the days most of us wake to and experience. The reason such days are not as good as they might be is because of how they are put into motion by default.

Here are some ways we set ourselves up for a bad day by default, ways we might not perceive as obvious when we do them; they’re more like habits than conscious decisions. These include:

·         Not getting enough sleep, whether this is one or a few nights each week or every night (or day, for those who work nightshifts), when you have control over this, that is

·         Reviewing problems, issues, or life in general in a negative or hopeless way prior to going to sleep

·         Not preparing for the next day the night before, or not planning for enough time in the morning (or whenever) that you need to get ready for your day

·         Not establishing your priorities for the day then following up on them so you feel a sense of accomplishment

·         Not taking even a few minutes in the morning to meditate, or state appreciation, or set positive intentions for the day

·         Letting complaints or criticisms fill your first moments of the day because you aren’t filling your mind or fueling your energy with positive, constructive, supportive, appreciative, or empowering thoughts

·         Too many foods or beverages that throw body chemistry out of whack, or not eating enough of the foods that support your well-being

The opposites of the above are also obvious, but what about the inner ones, the ones that are more subtle? How can you set up a good or better day at the inner level, especially when you aren’t aware that you aren’t creating that set-up or that you can? You can use one of these paragraphs below upon waking and as needed during the day. Of course, you can add to these in ways meaningful to you.

If you’re metaphysical-spiritual, you might say:

I am thankful for this day. I am thankful for each blessing that comes my way and for each time I can be a blessing to others. I am thankful I easily see blessings for what they are. I am thankful for the gifts I possess that I share and can share. I am thankful that I am guided to be lovingly appropriate and appropriately loving to, with, and about others and to, with, and about myself.

If you’re religious, you might say:

This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad. I ask that the heart, mind, and hands of each person I engage with be blessed so they are a blessing to others and themselves. And I ask the same for myself so I may be a blessing, as well.

Another Way We Can Plan for a Better Day

A question we might get asked or give thought to ourselves is, “How did your day go?” Our answer usually includes what happened and how we feel about it. We don’t usually answer with how we managed ourselves or lessons we were presented with and what we did with them. We don’t usually say, “I was short-tempered” or rude, unloving, unkind, self-absorbed, lacked integrity, stingy, unappreciative, etc. Who’d want to make such admissions?! Some might be willing to do that, but it might be uncomfortable to do, willing or not. You can practice ahead of time to be and behave better, as well as in the moment. You can practice the paragraphs offered here or create your own, both the saying of the words (with meaning and feeling, not just as a chore) and put what the words represent into practice. 

Here’s a secret: three seconds of sincere, pure appreciation has more power than ten minutes of meditation where your mind keeps drifting off to what you need to do or what you’re upset about, or ten minutes of stating or writing affirmations, when this is done by rote—because you’re supposed to do it—or while contradicting or doubting the affirmations.

One reason we tend toward “bad” days is because we don’t practice planning for good ones. Each time we don’t use one of the paragraphs above or something similar to them to support a more positive mindset and energy vibration, each time we only criticize others rather than compliment or validate them as well, each time we complain and not balance this out with appreciation, we practice the opposite of what we desire: a better experience of ourselves, others, and life.

I say that practice makes progress, which is a statement of a fact. A lot of what we might call failures or lacks of success or frustrations in our day-to-day experiences is primarily a result of not practicing what leads us out of that wilderness and into the oasis of better thoughts, words, and actions that attract or get matched by more of the same. Practice means you do whatever that inner or outer activity is, often and repeatedly. Seldom does a person have just one thought about something, say, approaching a difficult person or issue more constructively, and from that moment on do it correctly each time. Practice is deliberate. Practice is for your own sake and in your best interest.

Is your practice a bad attitude or is it an open-to-learning-and-evolving one and on how you might be a blessing? Is your practice one of always being right (even when wrong) or one aimed at expansion of conscious awareness? Is your practice one of feeling denied in life or one of appreciation and counting your blessings? Is your practice only about what you can get or receive or also what you can give? If your days feel worse or less than better, check what you’re consistently putting into practice. It’s a good practice; one you’ll appreciate.    

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Are You or Anyone You Know Too Easily Offended?

Being too easily offended is a form of self-victimization. Ouch! What are the symptoms of this mindset, and what can be done about this?

We don’t always recognize an imbalance in our mindset for what it is. We experience the results of it, though, and that’s where we tend to place our focus, which leads us to completely miss the cause. When we miss or ignore the cause of a mindset that doesn’t serve us, effecting a change is darn near impossible. As Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Anyone of us has times when we feel offended, and perhaps rightfully so. But there are some who are caught in a loop where they seem to be offended more often than not, and in a way that seems illogical to others. If you are or someone you know is too easily offended, this stems from a core thought that has a core emotion attached to it, which causes a specific action to be taken. Every action ultimately comes forth from a desired response or a conditioned one. A core thought may be, “This should not be happening,” and a core emotion might be, “I’m unsafe (whatever form that might take).” The usual, primary desires are to feel safe, valued, and fulfilled. Any of us, but especially anyone too easily offended, may believe if we feel these, caused or provided by others, we will feel happy.

People who are too easily offended are seldom happy and seldom considered happy by others. Some may feel they’ll never be happy for reasons that seem justifiable to them. And those in their lives who attempt to provide what will help them feel happy find it an ongoing and oftentimes futile effort.

What are some symptoms of being too easily offended? Please keep in mind that what’s listed here was somehow part of an individual’s conditioning. They (or you) may not actually want to do what’s listed, but they do practice them, because they’re stuck in a mindset and will remain there until they decide to become unstuck. Also keep in mind that wherever we are on the scale of this, we can all benefit by paying attention to the cause-and-effect factors of these symptoms.

·         People easily offended are consistent (or compulsive) complainers. Some complaining is natural to all of us, but they may take it to an extreme level. Those locked into extreme expressions of this may not realize they seldom engage in real conversations, that is, conversations about things not negative in nature or not focused on them and what they consider their problems.

·         They blame how they feel on others. Whether they use the statement or not, their mindset is, “If this would happen (If you’d just do what I want you to do), then I’d be happy.” Even when someone does what the person wants, they aren’t really happy. They may feel self-satisfied—temporarily—when they get what they want, but that’s quite different from happy.

·         They don’t tend to enjoy or appreciate what they do have because they focus on what they don’t have or believe they have to have, or on what others “need” to do or aren’t doing, in order to feel good about themselves or life. They don’t realize how they victimize themselves, while believing it’s others doing it to them.

·         Easily triggered, they tend to assume and presume rather than seek facts or seek to understand others’ motivations or the bigger picture. A practical or logical approach about issues that come up may not be used, because their first and foremost goal is to eliminate the pain they feel when triggered into feeling offended. They often believe lashing out is the quickest, most effective way to ease the pain. Possible short- and long-term consequences of this action are not considered.

·         Their relationship with what-is is tenuous. It’s likely the same for their relationship with Source. Their personal and/or spiritual growth is impacted because inner work is not foremost in their minds; getting others to adjust their behavior is.

·         They are more often than not angry, bitter, and unforgiving.

·         They may actually be generous and display generosity, but are often viewed as selfish—and often behave this way when triggered. This selfishness arises from insecurity. Insecurity stems from needing validation from others rather than relying on it from self and Source. When they don’t get this validation, or feel they don’t, they demand it in some form or another. Survival (according to their interpretation) rather than personal development seems to occupy their energy.

·         This insecurity causes them to be negative most of the time, always expecting the worst. This makes them miserable, within themselves and to be around. (Law of Attraction is not something they’re aware of, or if they are, isn’t paid attention to.)

·         All of this blocks the plan for their life, blocks their inner wisdom from expanding and working for them.

·         They are trapped in anger and conflict, having not learned that they can pick their battles in life. They feel everything is a battle, not realizing the most significant battle goes on inside them.

·         They see life and situations as always either/or, black or white, them against others, rather than that all are and everything in existence is interconnected, which may cause their thought process to be more mechanical than organic.

·         They relate to reality quite differently than those not as easily offended.

·         They tend to seldom be relaxed or calm, or to deliberately step mentally away from issues for a period of time each day. It isn’t easy for them to have fun or enjoy ordinary moments, or even special ones in the way they might. They may even get angry if others around them are enjoying themselves or are calm. Rather than raise their vibration to join the merriment or serenity, they’ll do or say something to bring others down to their vibration.

·         Their happiness is incumbent on others.

The book How to Have What You Really Want (An Easy Guide That Can Take You to the Next Level in Any Area of Your Life) has this to say about being happy: Happy is not an emotion, it’s a state of being, as is content, secure, and so forth. If you believe that you won’t be happy or feel secure until others do what you think they should, you’ve given your personal power away. If you do this, you’ll continue to try to get from others what you should be giving to yourself. This is one reason many of us lead quiet, or not-so-quiet, lives of frustration. We believe anything we want must come from outside of ourselves. If you accept that what you really want is to feel a certain way, then you have to accept that the only way you reach that feeling is by choosing to—and by looking out for your best interests and honoring the best interests of others.

What can be done about this? The first thing is to see if a health issue is involved. Someone in poor health or in pain, or who is exhausted, may experience some or all of the symptoms listed above. A chemical imbalance or mental illness can cause anomalous behaviors, as well. If either of these is the case, the first thing to do is address it through medical means to provide relief. But appreciation can still be a choice to assist you or the person to experience the self and life from a better perspective, rather than have a when/then mindset. Even one or several small segments of time given each day to appreciation will make a difference.

Here are several questions taken from my iPEC coach training manual that can help you, if you’re easily offended, or someone else you know who is.

1.     Let your inner Wisdom speak: what is the reality of your situation/story/belief?

2.     What do you suppose is really going on here?

3.     Which part of you is talking now?

4.     What do you think is the inner thought here?

5.     Which part of what you are saying is a story and what is the truth?

If you are too easily offended or know someone who is, recognize that although feeling triggered may be justified by an event, another story is running simultaneously, one that will block rational, practical, or even spiritual approaches. A circle will be traveled, one that goes nowhere, but deepens the emotional pain. All of us have a story running underneath everything else that goes on in life. The story is comprised of core beliefs that influence us in every way. The good news is that beliefs change but Truths never do. It’s a matter of discerning the difference between the two, as well as which one you listen to and follow—a belief or a Truth. It’s a matter of identifying beliefs that don’t serve you and replacing them with ones that do, as you move closer and closer to Truths that empower you in positive ways.

It is helpful to know what the cause of how we feel is, but getting stuck on that cause rather than asking “What can I do about this at my inner level that I will do?” isn’t going to get us where we want to be. Question 5 above is a significant one. We tell ourselves stories all the time—and we believe them. That’s the voice each one of us has in our head that chatters on. We can recognize that emotions follow thoughts, which creates a loop, which means we can be deliberate about guiding those inner conversations. We can engage new thinking that allows us to choose better thoughts that serve us. It’s a good practice; one you’ll appreciate.  

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer