Do You Feel Shortchanged in Life?

Do you ever feel shortchanged in life? It’s an understandable feeling to have, especially in a world that pushes a more-is-mandatory mindset. But, is that mindset helping or holding you back?

“I’ve spent too long thinking about what was taken and not what was given.”

That is a line of dialogue spoken by Prince Caspian in the movie The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. When I heard it, it gave me pause. How often we follow the train of thought about what we feel was taken from us, including what we feel was taken from us ahead of time. This may include thoughts like:

I should have been born wealthy.

I should have been born into a different family.

I should have been born in a different geographical location.

I should have been born beautiful/handsome.

I should have been born with better hair.

I should have been given a better education.

I should have been . . . You get the picture, and probably have your own list of “should-have-beens” you could add here.

Notice that nothing is listed above that states “I never should have”. Never-should-have statements are more often than not about choices we made, or didn’t make. But look at something specific about the ahead-of-time statements: I’m not saying you couldn’t add to that list in a way that contradicts what I’m about to say, but the kinds of things listed Can All Be Changed, can’t they, especially in this day and age. Changes might take effort, time, and or money, but they can be accomplished or obtained.

Sometimes we’re given something and then it seems taken from us through some form of ending. Such times are ones when we might feel and focus on the “taken” aspect first and foremost. This is understandable, and natural, for us. But, we may get stuck here and focus more on what we once had, or never had, or haven’t received as yet, than on what we had been given, and on what we’ve been given that we still have.

Loss is the very thing Prince Caspian is referring to in the movie dialogue line. (Movie Spoiler Alert coming next.) Caspian’s focus is on finding his “lost” father, and he is given the opportunity to reunite with his father who had died and gone to live in Aslan’s land of eternal life. But to do this would mean he’d have to abandon the life and potential opportunities he’d been given, ones he’d not fully appreciated as yet, because for so long he instead sought to recover what he’d lost.

We were given life and the opportunity to experience it, to mold it and us in ways that feel and are appropriate for us. We were given family and or friends who become our family. We were given more resources than we’ve used or likely ever will.

We were given innate gifts and the opportunity to nurture and use them; though, we sometimes don’t develop our gifts, because we’re trying to impose other people’s gifts on us, whether others impose this on us or we impose it on ourselves because we don’t see the value of our own gifts. When we ignore our gifts or attempt to live as though we have someone else’s gifts, we frustrate ourselves. We make life harder for us than it needs to be. This can also cause us to believe something was taken from us, rather than see what we were given. And, we deny the ability of others to benefit from our gifts when we don’t use and share them, which impedes fulfillment for us.

One of the greatest things we’ve been given, in my opinion, is knowledge of and the opportunity to have a relationship with Source. There have certainly been times in history when this wasn’t the way it is today. Granted, there are still those who wish to or do limit and control this for others, but fortunately that isn’t prevalent. Most of us can find the knowledge we need about Source and choose to nurture that connection.

We literally waste our time, lives, and energy when we focus or dwell on what we feel has been taken from us, or should have been given to us, rather than on what we’ve been given, can create, and what we receive as we move through life. I leave it to you to contemplate how this fits with Law of Attraction; but take time to think of all you have and have been given, even if you’ve yet put it into best use. It’s a good practice; one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

What Do You Want to Change vs. What Do You Want to Do

We hear that “Change is a constant” and “People resist change.” What a conundrum we find ourselves in because of this clash.

We tend to approach what we want for ourselves and our lives by looking at what we want to change. Considering that many of us react to or resist change, maybe that’s not the better or best approach to aim at a targeted outcome. What if focus on what we want to change is a form of looking backward instead of forward? Attention on what we want to change, it seems, may not lend itself to being as supportive to us as we might like or need.

When we look at what we want to change, we’re focused on what is rather than on what could be. What-is generally doesn’t stand alone, because it’s often difficult to look at what-is without being aware of whatever from the past is attached to it. You can be at peace with what-is, which is far more beneficial than resisting it. Resistance holds you back from what can be. There is a way to move forward from what-is, and I’ll get to that in a bit.

The idea of changing something about ourselves or our life, by deliberate choice or by default, also carries a mental-emotional imprint of work, effort, perhaps even sacrifice. Our ego-aspect doesn’t like this. This perspective usually does not lead to lasting success or fulfillment of desired experiences or outcomes—because we resist change. Instead, ask yourself what it is you want to do. This question has the potential to open your imagination, reveal your unspoken wishes, and aim your focus out ahead of you.

There are times when I ask clients and others what it is that they want to do. Some know; other says they have no idea. I think the latter response comes from not having allowed their imagination to play, or maybe not having allowed themselves to imagine life beyond their responsibilities—or fears. When someone gives “I don’t know” as an answer, I ask, “If you did know, what might your answer be?” This is an excellent question because the mind likes to answer questions given to it; it likes to fill in the blanks. It’s also a form of permission to explore possibilities from the mental and emotional perspectives.

The statement, “Something has to change,” whether this is about us, another, or a situation, can have an energy of helplessness attached to it. After all, what can we really change that has happened, is happening, or about another who is the only one with the power to change themselves?

“What do I want to do,” however, leads you forward to “What can I do,” which leads you to “What can I do that I will do,” which is an empowering question. It’s a question that opens your creative mind to explore your strengths, talents, resources, intentions, and commitments.

Do you want to change your physical form or state, or do you want to be healthy and fit? Do you want to change your financial situation, or do you want financial serenity? See how these questions are played with and turned in your favor? The first part (before the “or”) brings up all sorts of things you’d “have” to do, whereas the second part focuses and holds your attention on what you desire as your experience and outcome. The second part is also open to interpretation about what is appropriate for you.

The question “What can I do that I will do” can assist you in any situation, mild or severe. As I said, there are some situations that you cannot change; and this can cause your ego-aspect to feel disempowered. But, “What can I do that I will do,” restores personal power. You can then be constructive, creative, and/or collaborative.

Next time you hear your ego-aspect expressing a desire or need for something or someone to change, ask what it is that you can do that you will do, and let positive possibilities open to you. It’s a good practice; one you’ll appreciate.        

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Impermanence Is Here to Stay

There are times we wish for change and times we dread it. To paraphrase the truth-filled saying, the only constant in life is change.

Our ego-aspect fools itself by believing what we have will always be there, will never change. It’s like a form of temporary amnesia or a dream-state we walk around in, whether this is about a change we would welcome or one we wouldn’t. The ego-aspect wants to believe the dream-state, more often than not, so it can feel secure and comfortable. But everything changes, doesn’t it, either by improving or by diminishing, until it’s a memory only. So, we can say there are two types of impermanence, as far as our ego-aspect is concerned: what is not our choice and what is.

We don’t like to feel uncomfortable or unsure. In fact, we often take it as a personal affront when something happens that causes us to have changes in our life that we (our ego-aspect that is) don’t desire.

But, family and friends move away or pass on; jobs change by our design or someone else’s; children are born and the family expands, as does its needs; the weather and even the planet bring about gradual or immediate changes: the list is endless because everything changes. Everything changes because we (and our planet) mature and age, and our needs and wants change through the years.

We are meant to be of service, in ways appropriate for us; meant to learn, evolve, and create betterment for ourselves and others. Some of the most significant innovations, inventions, and services might not be around today, were it not for necessity brought on by change being the “mother of invention.”

We are also meant to enjoy and appreciate what we have, while we have it. And when we see the signs of impending change, either from within or outside of us or both, we are meant to prepare ourselves for it. The first preparations should take place at the inner level. The next preparations should address anything at the outer level that we know we must do, are inspired to do, or that we intuit should be done, including right timing about these.

Sometimes change happens suddenly, and we feel shaken somewhat or to our core by it, even if we mentally, emotionally, or physically prepared a bit or a lot. But this is when the strength of our spiritual foundation and our relationship with Source can assist us, and is why we are meant to develop and strengthen these at all times. A true feeling of security comes from trust in Source, and self-trust; and the former supplies and nurtures the latter.

Awareness of impermanence – gentle awareness, not dwelling on it – can assist the quality of our experiences. When we’re in the dream-state, where everything we are happy about or comfortable with or at the very least feel “sure” of “stays the same,” we tend to miss or ignore how precious and special people and moments and experiences are. This kind of awareness or consciousness happens in the Now, and can only happen in the Now. The dream-state of “permanence” has us volleying back and forth between past and future; two moments we are never actually in. We are always in the Now. We are always in a state of impermanence. If you’re really brave – or have expanded or embraced conscious awareness at a certain level, you could say we’re always in a state of Divine Impermanence.

The dream-state can and does keep us out of appreciation. There’s a wonderful quote by Meister Eckhart that says, “If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” When ANY change happens, we could use this quote as a power statement to help us navigate our feelings, our fears, our strength, and our trust in Source.

Appreciation is best expressed as often as possible and as soon as we can enter that state of mind and being, rather than just when the ego-aspect believes a moment is worthy of it. To the ego-aspect, this differentiation of worthy or unworthy makes sense or seems logical and appropriate. Our spirit-aspect knows every moment is worthy of appreciation. Albert Einstein understood this when he said, “You either live as if everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle.” Nicely said. Not always so easy to live up to; but we can aim ourselves in this direction and benefit by it.

Einstein’s statement reminds me of a powerful question you’ve possibly seen or heard before: Do you believe the Universe is friendly or unfriendly? Your response has ALL to do with your experience while here. And if your response is a result of what you learned in your formative years, you can either change your beliefs or enhance them, and do so in your favor. You are not locked into negative or non-beneficial beliefs. Remember, nothing but Source is permanent. Beliefs always change; real Truths never do. One of the most profound journeys you can ever make is the one that leads you to Truths that are permanent.

Begin to pay attention to what and who you appreciate (and what and who you don’t apply this practice to). Ask if your appreciation is as present and deep as you’d like as a means to enhance your experience of joy, love, fulfillment, curiosity, illumination, and becoming the person you intend to be. Or as Patti Davis wrote, “I’m learning how, at age 60, to become the person I want to leave behind on this earth.” It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.     

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Is Your Mental House Divided?

You know so much about Law of Attraction, you could teach something about it to others. But, living it in faith consistently? That’s another matter.

After all my experiences of the Universe working in my favor and doing what I know works, I still bump into times when old program tapes can be triggered to run in certain situations. At such times, I momentarily forget I know anything about Law of Attraction or that I have a lifetime of proof that the Law works—All The Time.

I was going through one of THOSE times recently, and something became obvious to me: my mental house was divided. The negative internal gremlin became quite a chatterbox; and I bet you know what I’m talking about when I say I was uncomfortable… big-time. Whenever we step away from faith (absence of doubt) in how the Universe works, it hurts us in more ways than one.

No matter what we know about how Law of Attraction works or admit to the fact it’s never not working, we can still get trapped into finding our faith limited by paying more attention to what’s happened in the past than on what is really and truly possible right now. At such times, our conscious mind is affected by our subconscious expectations (learned levels of faith), and we block better experiences—and more often than not, get what we subconsciously expect.

Ernest Holmes wrote:

“A sense of separation from good causes us to feel restricted; while a sense of our Unity with GOOD changes the currents of Causation and brings a happier condition into the experience….Man’s individuality enables him to make such use of the Law as he desires. He is bound, not by limitation but by limited thought. The same power which binds him will free him when he understands the Law to be one of liberty and not of bondage. The power within man can free him from all distasteful conditions if the Law governing this power is properly understood and utilized.”

When you find yourself in a funk and off the path of faith that the Universe works in your favor, how do you get back on it? That’s a real question I’m asking. How do YOU get back on it? You might be triggered by others or events, but no one and nothing can make you lose your faith, just as no one and nothing can get you back on track. You have to agree to get off and agree to get back on. You’re human—you’ll get off the path at times. Getting back on is a process that requires consistent practice.

Think of a cup filled with murky water. You could dump the water out, wash the cup, and refill it with clean water. Or, you could pour a stream of water into the cup and know that over time only clean water would fill the cup. It’s like this with negative thoughts both obvious in the conscious mind and buried in the subconscious mind. It isn’t very often someone is able to simply empty, wash, and refill when it comes to negative programming. The process for most of us is usually more like the second option, where we consistently add new, better thoughts that eventually flush out the murky ones. The thing is that we have to do this until it makes a difference, then keep doing it to maintain and expand our positive results.

What often messes with us is our impatience caused by tension. It can’t be emphasized enough: Stress and strain block energy and flow of good things to us; relaxed and trusting allows energy to flow and work as it should—in our best interest.

Keeping the faith may be a challenge at times, but we know that Faith + Relaxed = Desired Results (and even better ones).

Practice makes progress.

Does Your Subconscious Insist That You Resist?

Resistance is an automatic reaction to undesirables in your life. Resistance may seem natural, even right, but some instances of resistance cost you big-time.

Resistance creates more things to resist. It creates a constant stream of negative thoughts that lead to negative feelings expressed verbally, physically, or internally through health imbalances and uninspired life experiences.

Look at anything you resist in your life: status of relationships, finances, career, etc. If your desire is strong for anything to NOT be what it is, you are in Resistance. No matter what you do or say about it, this resistance will cause what you do not want anymore of to continue and possibly expand.

Note: You have a right and responsibility to NOT engage with anything or anyone you know you are better off without (negative people, news, events, etc.) when you can choose otherwise. And, as challenging as it may seem, you really can choose what you feel and therefore think, say, and do.

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." — Richard Buckminster Fuller

You can choose to release your insistence that something or someone in your life be different (insistence really does not work) and take action(s) required in and for your best interest, without being tense (tension does not shift anything). Doing this is a way to get your subconscious programming aligned with your conscious choices and actions.

One big resistance that may challenge you is to NOT include or allow any past experiences in the NOW. This is a challenge because your subconscious will play back tapes of previous struggles and will do this with lots of detailed images. This causes you to recall, focus on, and feel specific past struggles, as though they are happening in this moment. They are not. You may have present-moment matters to address, but past ones are over. They only affect the moment you’re in now if you allow them to.

As long as you believe those old tapes are your current reality—or react to them as though they are, you resist any positive present-moment shifts: “I HAVE to fear and feel THIS because I once (or more often) experienced THAT.” This approach blocks your good, and serenity, from coming to you. Your release of resistance gives the Universe permission to deliver your good; it allows serenity in.

You learned certain aspects of resistance from others who learned them as well. It is the tape your subconscious plays in its belief that this will help you survive. Your subconscious focuses on what helps you survive; your conscious mind focuses on what helps you thrive. You want them to work as a team, which means you have to NOT listen to old, negative tapes when they run. You want to create new tapes and run THEM.

Ernest Holmes wrote: “Healing, then, is accomplished by uncovering, neutralizing and erasing false images of thought, and letting the perfect idea reflect itself through subjective mind into the body. When one realizes that everything is Mind and that nothing moves but Mind . . . he will see that nothing can permanently heal unless it be accompanied by right thinking.” Healing can refer to anything in your self or your life or your business that you feel is not whole, healthy, joyful, and fulfilling.

Pay attention to when and how often you run such tapes and put right thinking into practice until it becomes natural to you, whatever time that takes. Practice self-observance rather than self-judgment as you move through this process. Self-judgment is a form of resistance. Practice makes progress.

Release the belief that you will (eventually) never repeat old patterns. Maybe that will happen and maybe it will not. Belief that you must never repeat them is . . . Resistance. It is more important you observe when you resist so you can consciously choose to embrace what you really want rather than emotionally engage what you don’t want.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

How Well Do You Manage When Your Routine Changes?

Small and not-so-small changes in your routine can create either a speed bump or a bumpy road effect on your life. What do you do when that happens?

Quite a number of people I know experienced major life changes just before 2011, and after the year began. Were you one of them? Significant shifts and lesser ones create something in common: a change in routine of greater or lesser degree.

Often, we struggle a bit (or a lot) with even one small or moderate change to our routine. We become used to or complacent about our routines, even ones we are not necessarily happy about, or ones that may even cause us to feel miserable about ourselves or our lives.

Routines FEEL easier because they are familiar. They can be followed practically by rote, like how an experienced driver vs. a new one focuses on the act of driving and doing other things at the same time. Some routines help us stay organized and on time. Some prevent spontaneity in our days and lives, cause us to be inflexible. Some create negative or unpleasant outcomes.

Routines are why New Year’s resolutions are forgotten, or if not forgotten, not fulfilled. Sticking with even one change to a routine can feel difficult, even if it is desired. It can take a while before the new behavior feels and is as automatic as the old one was. It takes persistence and consistency to arrive at this point.

My relocation move and temporary dwelling eliminated nearly all of my routines. Unlike vacations or family visits where your routine being temporarily interrupted is a welcome change (hopefully), I had to accept and allow there was no return “home,” no return to most of what was familiar ahead of me. I’m fortunate that my arrangements were as favorable as they were. Others have had to start over after significant, devastating losses. My understanding of what that must be like for them has deepened.

The metaphysical or spiritual community often mentions surrender. When significant change occurs, how well you manage becomes a matter of how well you surrender your resistance to what now is, and go forward from there. It is a matter of surrender or suffer if you insist on resisting.

I realized the best approach for me was to surrender to the fact that so much of what was familiar and routine no longer existed; to observe what creates frustration and to look at that with self-honesty; and to notice which changes actually improve or enhance my daily and personal experiences. This requires self-honesty as well. It could be so easy to return to many of my previous routines (or reject new ones; temporary or not); and some of that, frankly, could easily block positive opportunities and desired outcomes from coming to me.

I pay attention to how much of my former routine should be included as I move forward, and how much of whom I’ve believed myself to be, as a result of my former routine, needs to be kept or discarded. It’s important I be true to my nature; but I need to be clear what the differences are between my true nature and my programmed beliefs or habitual routines. Keeping this in mind is helping me to manage myself through this transformative time. I also watch the stories I tell myself and use tools that I know work, to help me adjust my attitude and perceptions so that I open to desired opportunities and experiences.

Whether or not you are going through a change in your routine at this time, how you manage yourself through such a time is worthy of a few moments of your consideration. It can make the difference between being in flow or being stuck in resistance.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer