What Do You Want to Change vs. What Do You Want to Do

We hear that “Change is a constant” and “People resist change.” What a conundrum we find ourselves in because of this clash.

We tend to approach what we want for ourselves and our lives by looking at what we want to change. Considering that many of us react to or resist change, maybe that’s not the better or best approach to aim at a targeted outcome. What if focus on what we want to change is a form of looking backward instead of forward? Attention on what we want to change, it seems, may not lend itself to being as supportive to us as we might like or need.

When we look at what we want to change, we’re focused on what is rather than on what could be. What-is generally doesn’t stand alone, because it’s often difficult to look at what-is without being aware of whatever from the past is attached to it. You can be at peace with what-is, which is far more beneficial than resisting it. Resistance holds you back from what can be. There is a way to move forward from what-is, and I’ll get to that in a bit.

The idea of changing something about ourselves or our life, by deliberate choice or by default, also carries a mental-emotional imprint of work, effort, perhaps even sacrifice. Our ego-aspect doesn’t like this. This perspective usually does not lead to lasting success or fulfillment of desired experiences or outcomes—because we resist change. Instead, ask yourself what it is you want to do. This question has the potential to open your imagination, reveal your unspoken wishes, and aim your focus out ahead of you.

There are times when I ask clients and others what it is that they want to do. Some know; other says they have no idea. I think the latter response comes from not having allowed their imagination to play, or maybe not having allowed themselves to imagine life beyond their responsibilities—or fears. When someone gives “I don’t know” as an answer, I ask, “If you did know, what might your answer be?” This is an excellent question because the mind likes to answer questions given to it; it likes to fill in the blanks. It’s also a form of permission to explore possibilities from the mental and emotional perspectives.

The statement, “Something has to change,” whether this is about us, another, or a situation, can have an energy of helplessness attached to it. After all, what can we really change that has happened, is happening, or about another who is the only one with the power to change themselves?

“What do I want to do,” however, leads you forward to “What can I do,” which leads you to “What can I do that I will do,” which is an empowering question. It’s a question that opens your creative mind to explore your strengths, talents, resources, intentions, and commitments.

Do you want to change your physical form or state, or do you want to be healthy and fit? Do you want to change your financial situation, or do you want financial serenity? See how these questions are played with and turned in your favor? The first part (before the “or”) brings up all sorts of things you’d “have” to do, whereas the second part focuses and holds your attention on what you desire as your experience and outcome. The second part is also open to interpretation about what is appropriate for you.

The question “What can I do that I will do” can assist you in any situation, mild or severe. As I said, there are some situations that you cannot change; and this can cause your ego-aspect to feel disempowered. But, “What can I do that I will do,” restores personal power. You can then be constructive, creative, and/or collaborative.

Next time you hear your ego-aspect expressing a desire or need for something or someone to change, ask what it is that you can do that you will do, and let positive possibilities open to you. It’s a good practice; one you’ll appreciate.        

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

It’s Not What You Do, But Why You Do It That’s Important

Too often, we focus on actions instead of intentions. We can easily create regrets by doing so. There’s a right question you can use to take care of this.

“By their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:16) The word recognize doesn’t mean an ability to identify someone, say, by their face, but to know them—know who a person really is—by what they think, say, and do. And, likewise, others know us by our “fruit,” as well.

Also too often, we believe the “fruit” refers to what’s in their or our bank account, or our tangible assets. Our True fruit is our spiritual nature that is available to guide us through life and put our gifts and talents to good use. Whether or not we turn to our nature or develop or refine it is a choice, and every choice “bears fruit” we call outcomes or results—or regrets.

“A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit; neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.” (Matthew 7:18) Let’s look at “fruit” we would call good, and their opposites: Love vs. Indifference; Forgiveness vs. Resentment; Kindness vs. Rudeness; Compassion vs. Apathy; Inner Wisdom vs. Sheeple-Mind; Generosity vs. Self-Centeredness; Lightness of Spirit vs. Negative-Attitude Addiction; Self-Control vs. Carelessness; Collaboration vs. Manipulation; Joy vs. Anger…to name several.

Do your behaviors and life demonstrate the fruit of your inner work? Yes, they do. Are your experiences and results the fruit you choose to produce? Fortunately, we can plant new seeds or saplings that grow and result in better fruit in and from us and our lives.

A friend once said, “I believe the only thing to fear is regret.” That stuck with me; it became a part of my internal GPS. But I didn’t adversely impose on myself by saying I didn’t want to have any regrets (too late for that), but that I want to make choices appropriate for me so I have as few regrets as possible. I’m human; I’m going to make mistakes, even if that isn’t my intention. But I can do what I can to reduce mistakes and regrets. So can you.

Regrets are the results of choices we make that we don’t have head and heart alignment about. How can you get head and heart alignment about choices, especially when you face something you need to do but don’t want to do? Here’s a question to ask: Will I feel better about myself if I do this, or better if I don’t?

Here’s something Old Bill tells A.J. in I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say: “You can make better choices, but what’s underneath the choice? If your consciousness understands how the energy works, that’s far better than just doin’ what’s ‘right.’ I’ve seen folks get stuck in that place. They do somethin’ they think is right—maybe they consider it the ‘Christian’ thing to do. But underneath the action, they’re angry or bitter about doin’ it—maybe even judge those they’re doin’ it for. It’s much better if what you choose to do is somethin’ you find your mind, heart, and spirit are all together on. Doin’ somethin’ you resent isn’t productive long-term. Either shift your attitude about doin’ it—find some benefit to you for doin’ it—or don’t do it, simply because it isn’t appropriate for you. Maybe doin’ it’s gonna fragment some part of you, so-to-speak. So many folks are doin’ things because they don’t want to be a ‘bad’ person and say no, even if it’s what they really feel. Just remember, A.J., you can put a pig in a tuxedo and bring it to a party; but underneath the fancy duds, it’s still a pig. Eventually, do-gooders—folks who do stuff in order to be thought well of rather than because it’s what they really want to do—either explode on the inside with health problems or finally blow up in a fit of temper….”

Every regret can be looked at from your Why perspective; but, don’t do that unless your intention is to expand your conscious awareness. You can move forward by asking the empowering question, What’s my Why? (why you would or why you wouldn’t), about any choice that doesn’t feel clear to you. An unclear choice is usually about a contrast between your spiritual aspect that seeks to expand your consciousness (and therefore how you experience your experiences), and your ego-aspect, which seeks to survive above anything else, including above spiritual development and conscious awareness.

The right answers for you are within you. You just need to look for the right questions to ask, such as the ones offered above, that can lead you to head and heart alignment. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.        

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Need to Amp Up Your Motivation and Commitment?

Can a simple statement really get you motivated to start, do, or improve something you’re putting off? Let’s find out.

Think of something you desire to be different, or feel challenged about following through on. See or feel it in your mind’s eye. Really connect with it. Now, say to yourself, gently and truthfully: “I can do better than this.”

First things first—remove any critical self-judgment from the picture right now. It isn’t useful.

Second, do you believe there’s some truth for you in the statement that you can do better than what you’re currently doing? Is there even one thing you can do differently that would get you closer to your targeted goal or dream, or make an improvement?

Third, watch out for two typical self-entrapments: You aim to start too big and you attempt to reach the outcome—or think you have to—without taking the steps.

Let’s say you don’t like how your body looks (or, use a current issue of your own). You might be tempted to do the following in this order:

1. Look in the mirror and not feel happy with what you see, and begin the verbal self-abuse. That’s always effective, right?
2. Say, “This Is It!”—plus, more verbal self-abuse.
3. Choose a stringent diet program and an exercise program not appropriate for you, or you start at too high a level (and you increase the verbal self-abuse).

I’m not going to keep going with the numbered steps, because how this example, or whatever you’ve started and stopped over the years (or never started), plays out (including creative endeavors) can be filled in by you as well as me. But maybe you feel, perhaps subconsciously, that the way to improve is to first punish (unsuitable, unsustainable diet and exercise programs—or whatever relates to your issue), rather than find what supports you, then start small and grow into it.

We live in an age of Instant: coffee, foods, information. It’s no wonder instant gratification tugs at us so forcefully. But some things, the really important or significant things in life, are usually not instant.

However, it isn’t just instant gratification you’re dealing with these days; you’re also bombarded with emails from people about their “instant” successes, results, or outcomes. When you aim at your targets, if you don’t mirror the so-said instant success of others—or what you believe you’re “supposed” to achieve, you feel like a failure.

Maybe you want to take the temperature of this in your own life. Many times, these people have their “instant” successes after quite a number of years (or hours, days, weeks) of effort that led to their “overnight” success. Some even tell you this, but that information is easy to ignore because you’re fixated on a big number (or whatever) flashing like a neon sign in your mind; and what it takes, or might, to achieve this is virtually ignored.

Tony Robbins said something to the effect that small improvements made daily create compounded enhancements. Don’t attempt or believe you have to attempt to produce the final outcome five minutes after you decide what it is. What do you really want to go for now, or next, that will improve one or more areas of your life? Write this down—writing it really does matter.

Whenever you start to be hard on yourself about any area of your life you’re not satisfied with, rather than giving yourself the verbal self-lashing you may do or perhaps giving up altogether, gently say to yourself, “I can do better than this.” Then take some action each day. Let your daily improvements weave your larger tapestry.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer