What do you believe confidence is? Maybe you’re right, and maybe you’ll be surprised.
Maybe you, like many, confuse confidence with competence. And that’s understandable because you’re advised to enhance your skills, knowledge, and expertise, and presto: The confident you will emerge and flourish. Well, in a way. You would feel confident about what you know and can do, but would you absolutely feel overall confidence as an individual? Not necessarily. Competence does not guarantee confidence. Confidence based on competence alone can be shaken the moment something goes off-kilter or you enter unfamiliar “territory”.
When confidence is low, we don’t feel and really aren’t fully present in whatever moment we find ourselves in. When confidence is low, our thoughts are wrapped up in anxiety, usually with garbage from the past and fears about the future vying for equal time. And amid that thought chaos, we’re busy thinking or worrying about what we’ll say or do rather than listening to what’s being said or observing what’s going on, and responding appropriately for us and according to what’s happening right then.
If you’re someone who feels you lack confidence or could use more, or know someone who feels this way, notice that when doing something interesting, engaging, or relaxing, confidence isn’t a concern. So when is it an issue? Any time there’s concern about what others will think about you.
Augusten Burroughs wrote: “Unscripted, unedited, and wholly authentic people are almost universally admired, especially if they have flaws, are not afraid to make live, red-blooded mistakes, and rather than trying are busy simply being.” Isn’t it interesting that people with these traits are admired and seen as confident when these traits are the very ones we’re discouraged from or even punished for demonstrating? Burroughs also said that when you desire more confidence, what you really desire is to control what others think about you. Let’s look at one reason low confidence may be an issue for so many.
Low confidence may have its origin from one “technique” parents and other authority figures use with children to get them to behave a particular way: They use shame instead of validation or guidance. Validation or guidance may take time and energy, or be a totally unfamiliar process for them, having been shamed themselves as children. Shame is a high-speed road to confidence issues. Even if the words “You should be ashamed” weren’t used, that message was implicit in whatever criticism was (or is) given. And, those shamed as children grow into adults who mimic this technique, as well.
Shame becomes like a garment worn into adulthood, one that covers or shrouds the authentic self who, as Burroughs stated, makes mistakes and keeps going, unimpeded by the opinions of others. Self-esteem or confidence issues stem from feeling some level of shame about being you, seeded by someone else’s disappointment or disapproval expressed to you. More often than not, their disappointment or disapproval was way more about them and their issues than about you. “What will people think about ME if you do that (don’t do that, look like that, etc.)?!” is often, but not solely, motivation for shaming rather than guiding. Ingrained feelings of shame lead people and their lives, but not in the direction they desire.
Shame causes you to believe you can’t do certain things or shouldn’t attempt them because “somebody” (other than you) may or will disapprove or be disappointed, especially if your attempt doesn’t have “perfect” results. Perfectionism blocks your ability to be creative and authentic. It denies your right to be uniquely you, to make mistakes and grow from them, to feel more fearless about discovery and exploration of who you are and what you can make of your life.
Are you beginning to connect how fear of being you, possibly or probably seeded by being taught shame, could affect your confidence and self-esteem? If you don’t trust your self, what can you trust? Confidence isn’t about always knowing the answer or doing the exact right thing, it’s about knowing you’ll seek and find an answer and are willing to learn and live who you are and came here to be.
Low confidence—confidence being that deep, true connection with your authentic self—is why many procedures and processes like plastic surgery, weight loss, and makeovers don’t always create the lasting feeling inside that the person hoped for. In fact, a study showed that the people who do feel good about themselves and continue to do so after such changes felt good about themselves before the change. They were also a very small percentage of those who underwent such changes.
It seems then that many of the externals we change or seek to are attempts to arrive at one thing: To feel good about being ourselves. We mistakenly think part of what will create that feeling for us is to do whatever it takes to make others approve of us. We chase our own tails with this one. If we feel good about ourselves, there will be people who enjoy or appreciate us for who we are. Maybe not everyone will feel that way about us, but getting everyone’s approval is a waste of energy and is unrealistic. It also puts us last instead of first, where we need to be if we’re to live our best life.
It’s time to acknowledge there is and ever will be only one of you. Stephen Greliet wrote something that may be familiar to you: “I shall not pass this way again . . .” Whether you believe in reincarnation or you don’t, who you are in this lifetime will never happen again. It may take time to take root, but remind yourself of this unique-you fact each day and as often as needed.
Confidence isn’t a show, despite that we’ve believed it is. It isn’t about being competent, though competence can lead to satisfaction within us. Confidence is about being at home with yourself and your right to your place in the world. It’s about being present with your self, being in the moment, and doing what’s appropriate and fulfilling for you and your process of self-discovery, rather than focused predominantly or only on the opinions of others. Ask yourself what feels right and true for you. Apply this question to topics, areas, and moments of your life, and do this at a steady, gradual pace. Discover and embrace how much there is to appreciate about you and life. It’s a good practice.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
Showing posts with label self-confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-confidence. Show all posts
Friday, July 20, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
How Do You Really Feel About Yourself?
Self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love and acceptance are about the level of belief you have in yourself, which comes from knowing yourself. If these are low, there’s a good reason: your true identify was messed with.
When anthropologist Margaret Mead gave birth to her daughter, she expressed eagerness to discover who her daughter was, rather than impose who she expected her daughter to be. That’s not how it usually goes. Usually, there are expectations – low, average or high – already in place of and for us, and from more than one person as we move through life.
What happens for a lot of us as a result is what we commonly call an Identity Crisis: we grow up uncertain about who WE really are or how to discover this in a way that isn’t punishing or disapproved of, either by others or ourselves, led by others’ examples about this. After such a start in life, it may feel scary to make the journey of Self discovery.
An Identity Crisis affects your general choices and decision-making. Amid expectations of those around you now and from the past, it can feel intimidating to get to know yourself authentically, and even to love and accept yourself, or trust yourself to act in a way that keeps your self-approval and self-integrity intact.
An Identity Crisis can lead to trying to be perfect, which is impossible, stressful, and pulls or keeps a person off track and out of joy. Or, it may cause a person to feel immobilized about going for more than the basics in life. Perhaps, even some of both. When you have an Identity Crisis in any degree, you feel out of harmony with yourself and with life and even with All That Is. But, that is a perception; and you can change this.
An Identity Crisis causes us to look at what others are doing and compare ourselves to them. It leads to jealousy because we feel intimidated by the gifts, talents, and results of others, and by those who express greater belief in themselves (and All That Is) than we currently feel or demonstrate. We may try to imitate others in order to fill this void. But, when we try to be like someone else, we can’t be ourselves.
You might be able to name one or more people who were involved in any theft or disruption of your true identity, but you reach a point in life when it’s time to realize that if you have inappropriate expectations for yourself – or few appropriate expectations, you’ve become the thief or disruptor of your true identity. And this is where Law of Attraction needs to enter the picture, because this Law will match confusion and clarity equally. Law of Attraction responds to your thoughts of both what you want and don’t want – as though they are requests of equal measure.
Can you see how the effects of an Identity Crisis can affect how the Law of Attraction works in your life? Every thought, word, or action – supported by what you really feel – is a vibration you transmit that the Law of Attraction picks up as a request to be matched and fulfilled. Whatever you feel about yourself right now, you must pay attention to the vibrations of the feeling-based energy you transmit.
If you aren’t sure what it means to pay attention to the vibrations you transmit, think of it like this: what you attract is based on your perceptions, which cause you to feel a certain way. It’s about how you perceive yourself and others and life, and how you perceive your relationship or interactions with yourself, others, and life. You could say that if you want to adjust what you attract, monitor and adjust your perceptions so you monitor and adjust how you feel.
Other words for perceptions are beliefs, attitudes, expectations, anticipations, assumptions, presumptions, perspectives, and conclusions. Every attraction and therefore result in your life is set into motion by Your Perceptions, starting with how you perceive yourself. You must start with how you feel and think about you, if you want to influence any vibration you transmit to the Law of Attraction for a desired outcome.
Listen to your self-talk and what you say about anyone and anything – because there ultimately is no separation between your perceptions about yourself and perceptions about anyone or anything else. It’s all connected. We are all connected, all one energy, but many expressions of it. And though we may not like it, we cannot perceive something outside ourselves that doesn’t exist, in some measure, within us – negative or positive. We can either judge our “mirrors” or we can further hone our Self identity because of what we observe.
Who you really are is a unique, individualized expression of and participating contributor to All That Is. You’re not your body, your bank balance, your wardrobe, your car, your home, your job, or any other physical representation. And it isn’t how these “look” that represents you or attracts manifestations, but HOW YOU FEEL about how they look that does. This feeling is what Law of Attraction picks up as orders to fill, and is why a state of appreciation is so important.
Your identity is intimately linked to your experiences. You are ever unfolding, evolving – choosing! Your experiences play a significant role in assisting or allowing you to define and clarify your identity. And how you perceive your identity plays a significant role in the choices you make. Your identity is NOT based on outcomes, as society would tell you, but on what you do about and with your experiences, how you grow from them and what you learn about yourself and your relationship with All That Is through them. Outcomes are manifestations of your inner processes that can show you if you’re on target or need to take better aim with your energy.
When you clothes shop, you know what’s you and what isn’t. Approach anything and everything the same way. You don’t have to know all of your preferences or defined aspects by tomorrow; in fact, that’s not how this physical experience is set up. You’re meant to discover preferences and identity aspects, including through contrasts, and to do so until the moment you exit your physical form.
The greatest treasure you can have is feeling good, including, or especially, about yourself. This affects how you feel about everyone and everything else. This is why it’s important that the first thing to realize about your identity is that you are a beloved expression of Source. Everything that follows that is just a path of exploration, discovery, and expression. If you feel you only partially know who you really are, admit that, at least to yourself, and start where you are about this, in this moment.
Get excited about what an adventure this can be, what an adventure it was always meant to be. Your personalized adventure is a main reason you came to this physical experience. Maybe it’s time to make the most of it. Maybe it’s time to let go of worrying about how others will see you and focus on how you choose to be in partnership with who you know yourself and discover yourself to be. Practice appreciating or honoring every facet of this adventure because there’s a treasure hidden inside each facet, flat surface, gap, twist, and curve.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
When anthropologist Margaret Mead gave birth to her daughter, she expressed eagerness to discover who her daughter was, rather than impose who she expected her daughter to be. That’s not how it usually goes. Usually, there are expectations – low, average or high – already in place of and for us, and from more than one person as we move through life.
What happens for a lot of us as a result is what we commonly call an Identity Crisis: we grow up uncertain about who WE really are or how to discover this in a way that isn’t punishing or disapproved of, either by others or ourselves, led by others’ examples about this. After such a start in life, it may feel scary to make the journey of Self discovery.
An Identity Crisis affects your general choices and decision-making. Amid expectations of those around you now and from the past, it can feel intimidating to get to know yourself authentically, and even to love and accept yourself, or trust yourself to act in a way that keeps your self-approval and self-integrity intact.
An Identity Crisis can lead to trying to be perfect, which is impossible, stressful, and pulls or keeps a person off track and out of joy. Or, it may cause a person to feel immobilized about going for more than the basics in life. Perhaps, even some of both. When you have an Identity Crisis in any degree, you feel out of harmony with yourself and with life and even with All That Is. But, that is a perception; and you can change this.
An Identity Crisis causes us to look at what others are doing and compare ourselves to them. It leads to jealousy because we feel intimidated by the gifts, talents, and results of others, and by those who express greater belief in themselves (and All That Is) than we currently feel or demonstrate. We may try to imitate others in order to fill this void. But, when we try to be like someone else, we can’t be ourselves.
You might be able to name one or more people who were involved in any theft or disruption of your true identity, but you reach a point in life when it’s time to realize that if you have inappropriate expectations for yourself – or few appropriate expectations, you’ve become the thief or disruptor of your true identity. And this is where Law of Attraction needs to enter the picture, because this Law will match confusion and clarity equally. Law of Attraction responds to your thoughts of both what you want and don’t want – as though they are requests of equal measure.
Can you see how the effects of an Identity Crisis can affect how the Law of Attraction works in your life? Every thought, word, or action – supported by what you really feel – is a vibration you transmit that the Law of Attraction picks up as a request to be matched and fulfilled. Whatever you feel about yourself right now, you must pay attention to the vibrations of the feeling-based energy you transmit.
If you aren’t sure what it means to pay attention to the vibrations you transmit, think of it like this: what you attract is based on your perceptions, which cause you to feel a certain way. It’s about how you perceive yourself and others and life, and how you perceive your relationship or interactions with yourself, others, and life. You could say that if you want to adjust what you attract, monitor and adjust your perceptions so you monitor and adjust how you feel.
Other words for perceptions are beliefs, attitudes, expectations, anticipations, assumptions, presumptions, perspectives, and conclusions. Every attraction and therefore result in your life is set into motion by Your Perceptions, starting with how you perceive yourself. You must start with how you feel and think about you, if you want to influence any vibration you transmit to the Law of Attraction for a desired outcome.
Listen to your self-talk and what you say about anyone and anything – because there ultimately is no separation between your perceptions about yourself and perceptions about anyone or anything else. It’s all connected. We are all connected, all one energy, but many expressions of it. And though we may not like it, we cannot perceive something outside ourselves that doesn’t exist, in some measure, within us – negative or positive. We can either judge our “mirrors” or we can further hone our Self identity because of what we observe.
Who you really are is a unique, individualized expression of and participating contributor to All That Is. You’re not your body, your bank balance, your wardrobe, your car, your home, your job, or any other physical representation. And it isn’t how these “look” that represents you or attracts manifestations, but HOW YOU FEEL about how they look that does. This feeling is what Law of Attraction picks up as orders to fill, and is why a state of appreciation is so important.
Your identity is intimately linked to your experiences. You are ever unfolding, evolving – choosing! Your experiences play a significant role in assisting or allowing you to define and clarify your identity. And how you perceive your identity plays a significant role in the choices you make. Your identity is NOT based on outcomes, as society would tell you, but on what you do about and with your experiences, how you grow from them and what you learn about yourself and your relationship with All That Is through them. Outcomes are manifestations of your inner processes that can show you if you’re on target or need to take better aim with your energy.
When you clothes shop, you know what’s you and what isn’t. Approach anything and everything the same way. You don’t have to know all of your preferences or defined aspects by tomorrow; in fact, that’s not how this physical experience is set up. You’re meant to discover preferences and identity aspects, including through contrasts, and to do so until the moment you exit your physical form.
The greatest treasure you can have is feeling good, including, or especially, about yourself. This affects how you feel about everyone and everything else. This is why it’s important that the first thing to realize about your identity is that you are a beloved expression of Source. Everything that follows that is just a path of exploration, discovery, and expression. If you feel you only partially know who you really are, admit that, at least to yourself, and start where you are about this, in this moment.
Get excited about what an adventure this can be, what an adventure it was always meant to be. Your personalized adventure is a main reason you came to this physical experience. Maybe it’s time to make the most of it. Maybe it’s time to let go of worrying about how others will see you and focus on how you choose to be in partnership with who you know yourself and discover yourself to be. Practice appreciating or honoring every facet of this adventure because there’s a treasure hidden inside each facet, flat surface, gap, twist, and curve.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Which Expectations Did You Inherit?
You know it’s important to identify and shift limiting beliefs, but how can you more easily identify the more subtle ones you inherited? One sure way is to look carefully at your expectations.
As a child, and even now, you learn and absorb beliefs about everything, limiting or not, by hearing them, through observing the actions of others, and energetically . . . because we ARE able to perceive the subconscious energy patterns of each other. And, you deliberately and successfully shift some beliefs. All beliefs become expectations; and many of them are quite subtle. They make their appearance, often in a flash, and are likely dismissed by you just as quickly.
In discussions about Law of Attraction, you are told desire is a key element. You already desire a great many things you still do not have. If desire alone did it, you would have it. One reason you do not have some of these desires is because what you EXPECT blocks them. Desire IS important, but expectation is far more important.
Let’s get something significant covered: there is a greater plan at work for you and your life that your soul has a commitment to fulfill while you are here. If you try to avoid your soul purpose or aim at something that will not fulfill it, you will bump into proverbial brick walls set up to get you back on track, however long that takes. We too often follow what ego craves, or expectations of others, rather than what our soul came here to do. When a desire isn’t fulfilled, it’s important to discover if this is because it does not match your soul purpose or because of expectations that block its fulfillment.
You can assist your soul purpose and create more desirable experiences by getting clear about the expectations you carry. Desire is a form of energy: a mental exercise. Expectation is creative energy in action. Expectations come in two flavors, so-to-speak: What you really expect to happen and the expectations you hold about yourself, both of which are likely, primarily subconscious.
You can uncover negative expectations by stating what you desire, or an affirmation about it, and pay attention to what your inner voice says immediately afterwards. The voice will either support or refute the possibility of what you desire ever happening. This voice repeats what you learned and absorbed from others about how life works, or how life for someone of your social-, income-, or education-level (gender, age, etc.) works.
Then there are the expectations you hold about yourself. These come from comments, observed actions, and energetic beliefs others held about you that were communicated to you and then carried by you into your experiences, past and current (and future), and have more power over you than any affirmation or action you take.
Set aside time to list expectations you’ve carried about yourself and about your life. Example: If you’re a woman, and depending on your age, you may have been raised with the expectation that your husband would support you financially; and, maybe your reality is that you either have to or have chosen to support yourself. Can you see the potential contrasts and conflicts that could come up for you about this and how they may defeat your success and joy in doing this? If you’re a man, what expectations were placed on you about making a living and making a life, or expected behaviors?
Contrasts that create current confusions can be found in your personality blueprint. If you carry expectations that demand you feel and do things that are not in your blueprint, you will feel like you’re on a hamster wheel going nowhere, or not far, or even backwards. You may be expected by others, or may expect yourself, to be someone who goes into the world like a powerhouse and does things in a particular way; yet, your blueprint may show that to succeed and be fulfilled you need to follow a very different path; or the reverse may be true for you. This and other such contrasts create tremendous stress, frustration, and feelings of being a failure that do not have to be your experience.
"Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It's a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do." - Neale Donald Walsch
Walsch’s quote reaches into the heart of the matter; though, I’d add knowing the foundation of who you are needs to be included. Your blueprint can be your soul-felt guide about your true nature and expression, what works best to lead you to success in every area of your life. You can enhance choices, decisions, and how you fulfill your life vision and purpose by shedding negative expectations you carry and trusting what you discover or already know about how you can best express who you authentically are and came here to be. You can become comfortable and confident “in your own skin.”
You don’t have to start the new year with expectations that have not served you so far. Give yourself some time to list as many expectations as come up for you. Pause when they surface and look at them. Ask yourself how they influence your choices, as well as how you feel about yourself and your life. Feel your truth and write these truths down so you can refer back to them.
Go through your blueprint to see where contrasting self-expectations show up and what is revealed about your truest form of expression in all areas of your life, and let this guide you and what you expect. Compare your blueprint with that of your spouse or partner to discover subtle contrasts and what to do about them, and shift unsupportive expectations imposed on each other. See what the blueprint of your child or children shows you about how to help them grow into fulfilled, self-reliant adults. Expand appreciation of yourself and significant others in your life.
Appropriate supportive expectations create desired results.
You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer
Reveal what your soul wants to express through Your Personality Blueprint. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
As a child, and even now, you learn and absorb beliefs about everything, limiting or not, by hearing them, through observing the actions of others, and energetically . . . because we ARE able to perceive the subconscious energy patterns of each other. And, you deliberately and successfully shift some beliefs. All beliefs become expectations; and many of them are quite subtle. They make their appearance, often in a flash, and are likely dismissed by you just as quickly.
In discussions about Law of Attraction, you are told desire is a key element. You already desire a great many things you still do not have. If desire alone did it, you would have it. One reason you do not have some of these desires is because what you EXPECT blocks them. Desire IS important, but expectation is far more important.
Let’s get something significant covered: there is a greater plan at work for you and your life that your soul has a commitment to fulfill while you are here. If you try to avoid your soul purpose or aim at something that will not fulfill it, you will bump into proverbial brick walls set up to get you back on track, however long that takes. We too often follow what ego craves, or expectations of others, rather than what our soul came here to do. When a desire isn’t fulfilled, it’s important to discover if this is because it does not match your soul purpose or because of expectations that block its fulfillment.
You can assist your soul purpose and create more desirable experiences by getting clear about the expectations you carry. Desire is a form of energy: a mental exercise. Expectation is creative energy in action. Expectations come in two flavors, so-to-speak: What you really expect to happen and the expectations you hold about yourself, both of which are likely, primarily subconscious.
You can uncover negative expectations by stating what you desire, or an affirmation about it, and pay attention to what your inner voice says immediately afterwards. The voice will either support or refute the possibility of what you desire ever happening. This voice repeats what you learned and absorbed from others about how life works, or how life for someone of your social-, income-, or education-level (gender, age, etc.) works.
Then there are the expectations you hold about yourself. These come from comments, observed actions, and energetic beliefs others held about you that were communicated to you and then carried by you into your experiences, past and current (and future), and have more power over you than any affirmation or action you take.
Set aside time to list expectations you’ve carried about yourself and about your life. Example: If you’re a woman, and depending on your age, you may have been raised with the expectation that your husband would support you financially; and, maybe your reality is that you either have to or have chosen to support yourself. Can you see the potential contrasts and conflicts that could come up for you about this and how they may defeat your success and joy in doing this? If you’re a man, what expectations were placed on you about making a living and making a life, or expected behaviors?
Contrasts that create current confusions can be found in your personality blueprint. If you carry expectations that demand you feel and do things that are not in your blueprint, you will feel like you’re on a hamster wheel going nowhere, or not far, or even backwards. You may be expected by others, or may expect yourself, to be someone who goes into the world like a powerhouse and does things in a particular way; yet, your blueprint may show that to succeed and be fulfilled you need to follow a very different path; or the reverse may be true for you. This and other such contrasts create tremendous stress, frustration, and feelings of being a failure that do not have to be your experience.
"Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It's a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do." - Neale Donald Walsch
Walsch’s quote reaches into the heart of the matter; though, I’d add knowing the foundation of who you are needs to be included. Your blueprint can be your soul-felt guide about your true nature and expression, what works best to lead you to success in every area of your life. You can enhance choices, decisions, and how you fulfill your life vision and purpose by shedding negative expectations you carry and trusting what you discover or already know about how you can best express who you authentically are and came here to be. You can become comfortable and confident “in your own skin.”
You don’t have to start the new year with expectations that have not served you so far. Give yourself some time to list as many expectations as come up for you. Pause when they surface and look at them. Ask yourself how they influence your choices, as well as how you feel about yourself and your life. Feel your truth and write these truths down so you can refer back to them.
Go through your blueprint to see where contrasting self-expectations show up and what is revealed about your truest form of expression in all areas of your life, and let this guide you and what you expect. Compare your blueprint with that of your spouse or partner to discover subtle contrasts and what to do about them, and shift unsupportive expectations imposed on each other. See what the blueprint of your child or children shows you about how to help them grow into fulfilled, self-reliant adults. Expand appreciation of yourself and significant others in your life.
Appropriate supportive expectations create desired results.
You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer
Reveal what your soul wants to express through Your Personality Blueprint. Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Friday, June 25, 2010
Do Your Emotions Ever Get Stuck About A Sticky Situation?
You're going along in your day-to-day, applying your self-empowerment tools and knowledge—then WHAM! You find yourself in the thick of a situation and it's as though part of you says, "What tools?"
If you've ever experienced what's described in the opening paragraph, you're likely familiar with the snowball effect it can have . . .
Something happens, and you feel pulled off course.
That full range of emotions you have, and feel pretty satisfied about how you manage them, pop up like Jack-in-the-Boxes, and it doesn't feel as easy as you'd like to get them back in the box.
You're probably dealing with extra tasks or responsibilities on top of your usual ones and you feel stretched or exhausted.
Depending on what the situation is you may feel like a rubber band pulled taut, or in too many directions, and that if you're pulled anymore, you'll snap or break.
When some of the initial surprise or shock of realizing "what is" wears off, you may hear your inner voice whispering reminders that you have inner-level tools you can use. Depending on the situation, you may feel too tired or weary, initially, to use even one technique—get some rest!
And, a moment may come when you feel compelled to criticize or judge yourself for being pulled off course emotionally, or that you feel you were slow to recall that inner-level tools work—and to use them.
This is fresh in my mind because of a recent experience, but I want to use an example from several years back. There was a situation with my boss, and no outer-level approach I tried seemed to create a desired shift. I remembered the tool of writing a letter to my Expanded Self (some like Higher Self, Spirit, God, Universe) to state what I wanted, why I wanted it, and to ask that any and every resource be used to assist me. (I used the letter-to-your-inner-CEO sample from Robert Scheinfeld's book, The 11th Element. However, these days I use the tools in his Busting Loose book.)
Five minutes after I finished re-reading what I'd written and put it away, my boss called me (at home around 9:30 p.m.) with a complete attitude shift.
So, what's that about?!
Dr. Christiane Northrup said, and I paraphrase, that affirmations don't make things happen; they open you to allow things to happen. This applies to the letter writing technique, meditation, prayer, and any other method that leads you to do something very important . . .
Release attachment to any emotion you hold about a situation and release attachment to beliefs blocking a shift.
Sometimes shifts take a while because a lot of details are being organized “behind the scenes." But sometimes your desired shift is leaning against the outside wall of an attachment (or several): anger, disappointment, frustration, fear, and everyone's favorite—a need to be right in the eyes of one or more individuals (but especially your own). A particular thought that acts as a barrier is "This shouldn't be happening" and its sibling "I can't believe this is happening." Both are an understandable reaction our egos may have.
Where we get stuck is when we relate to our lives or a sticky situation solely though the ego (our valuable, but limited in scope, SELF protecting aspect) and temporarily forget we are spiritual beings having a human experience. We forget that our spiritual aspect desires opportunities to explore, expand, and express within our human experience, and that we’ve demonstrated that applying what we know at the inner level does affect the outer, even if all we do is release and trust, which, alone, can create huge shifts.
This is a good question to keep handy: Do I trust my (Expanded Self/Spirit/God/the Universe) to know exactly what's going on—the deeper purpose; and to have my best interest in mind always?
This trust opens you to allow needed shifts, inner and outer, to come to you—whether it takes a while to organize or its just waiting for you to remove the barrier. But, while you wait, YOU feel a good deal better.
You are what you practice.
© 2010, Joyce Shafer
If you've ever experienced what's described in the opening paragraph, you're likely familiar with the snowball effect it can have . . .
Something happens, and you feel pulled off course.
That full range of emotions you have, and feel pretty satisfied about how you manage them, pop up like Jack-in-the-Boxes, and it doesn't feel as easy as you'd like to get them back in the box.
You're probably dealing with extra tasks or responsibilities on top of your usual ones and you feel stretched or exhausted.
Depending on what the situation is you may feel like a rubber band pulled taut, or in too many directions, and that if you're pulled anymore, you'll snap or break.
When some of the initial surprise or shock of realizing "what is" wears off, you may hear your inner voice whispering reminders that you have inner-level tools you can use. Depending on the situation, you may feel too tired or weary, initially, to use even one technique—get some rest!
And, a moment may come when you feel compelled to criticize or judge yourself for being pulled off course emotionally, or that you feel you were slow to recall that inner-level tools work—and to use them.
This is fresh in my mind because of a recent experience, but I want to use an example from several years back. There was a situation with my boss, and no outer-level approach I tried seemed to create a desired shift. I remembered the tool of writing a letter to my Expanded Self (some like Higher Self, Spirit, God, Universe) to state what I wanted, why I wanted it, and to ask that any and every resource be used to assist me. (I used the letter-to-your-inner-CEO sample from Robert Scheinfeld's book, The 11th Element. However, these days I use the tools in his Busting Loose book.)
Five minutes after I finished re-reading what I'd written and put it away, my boss called me (at home around 9:30 p.m.) with a complete attitude shift.
So, what's that about?!
Dr. Christiane Northrup said, and I paraphrase, that affirmations don't make things happen; they open you to allow things to happen. This applies to the letter writing technique, meditation, prayer, and any other method that leads you to do something very important . . .
Release attachment to any emotion you hold about a situation and release attachment to beliefs blocking a shift.
Sometimes shifts take a while because a lot of details are being organized “behind the scenes." But sometimes your desired shift is leaning against the outside wall of an attachment (or several): anger, disappointment, frustration, fear, and everyone's favorite—a need to be right in the eyes of one or more individuals (but especially your own). A particular thought that acts as a barrier is "This shouldn't be happening" and its sibling "I can't believe this is happening." Both are an understandable reaction our egos may have.
Where we get stuck is when we relate to our lives or a sticky situation solely though the ego (our valuable, but limited in scope, SELF protecting aspect) and temporarily forget we are spiritual beings having a human experience. We forget that our spiritual aspect desires opportunities to explore, expand, and express within our human experience, and that we’ve demonstrated that applying what we know at the inner level does affect the outer, even if all we do is release and trust, which, alone, can create huge shifts.
This is a good question to keep handy: Do I trust my (Expanded Self/Spirit/God/the Universe) to know exactly what's going on—the deeper purpose; and to have my best interest in mind always?
This trust opens you to allow needed shifts, inner and outer, to come to you—whether it takes a while to organize or its just waiting for you to remove the barrier. But, while you wait, YOU feel a good deal better.
You are what you practice.
© 2010, Joyce Shafer
Friday, June 18, 2010
Do You Explain What Is Appropriate for You?
Dr. Judith Orloff said the word No is a complete sentence. Do you feel you have to explain or justify a No response? If you do this, it's a habit you can shift, even if it takes time to get comfortable doing it naturally.
A description from the "Medicine Cards" book and card set by Sams and Carson states you have the right to say, "That's not appropriate for me at this time." It also states there is no obligation to say more than that. If your tendency is to explain your best-interest choices, take a moment to feel how liberating this permission is.
Controlling types can be especially difficult people to say no to, but you can do this without a verbal battle, you just have to hold fast to your rights and boundaries, even if/when they choose to make personal criticisms. (Orloff advises not to take a controller’s personal comments personally.) Remember that any and every out-of-balance energy is caused by fear, usually a fear of losing something. This fear applies to any controller type in your life—and you.
Sometimes explaining a No response is justified. Other times it’s just plain tiresome, usually because there’s an energy attached of not feeling our right to our choice is being honored by the recipient. Then there are times we utter explanations because we feel we have to justify our choice to ourselves. We don’t, especially if we’re aligned with our choice. And, some people are Processors, which means they verbalize the thought-string of details and considerations going on in their minds (a habit worthy of considering release of).
Putting into practice your right to say “No” or “That’s not appropriate for me,” with no further explanation, assists you to boost self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-confidence comes from trusting that you can and do make best choices for yourself—and knowing your opinion about your choices is the only one that ultimately matters.
This practice will also help you reduce or stop "shoulding" on yourself, especially if you’ve been programmed with perfectionist tendencies (a fear-based behavior). As you reduce “shoulding” on yourself, you will also, eventually, reduce how often you "should" on others. If you do one, you definitely do the other. When you recognize that someone is “shoulding” on you, you’ll more easily address this in a way appropriate for you. No one appreciates being "should" on. Imagine it was required we first ask, “May I ‘should’ on you about this?” How many of us would answer Yes, and mean it?
The more comfortable we are in our own "skin"—flaws and all (and willingness to self-adjust as we go), the more comfortable we are about allowing others the same experience. We let go of needing them to be different than they are AND believing we need to be different than what is natural for us. This allows for a far more relaxed, harmonious (or collaborative) experience with our selves and others to happen. And, you have the right to not stay in (or, at least, choose to limit) relationships with anyone you feel too strong of an emotional-chemistry contrast. Often, such a contrast happens with an immediate family member, and it’s easy to lose sight of your boundaries (and theirs) for a period of time. When this happens, trust that you’ll get back on track, and don’t judge yourself when you slip. Know that you can use such times to expand awareness and personal power, no matter how challenging the experience feels while it’s happening. At such a time, it’s best not to “should” on yourself and best to “would” on yourself: How would I prefer to manage myself now?
Frustration happens when you say Yes, when you know No is right for you; or when you feel Yes, but know you need to modify what your Yes means—and you don’t do this. You may feel uncomfortable—even fearful—of saying No; but you "fragment" your psyche and spirit, and deplete your energy, every time you say Yes and your inner essence says or shouts, "No!"
If necessary, take baby-steps: Pick one small matter this applies to and practice. Pay attention to how you feel before, during, and after. Know that the more you do this, the more natural it feels. In fact, not doing it eventually becomes downright uncomfortable.
You are what you practice.
© 2010, Joyce Shafer
A description from the "Medicine Cards" book and card set by Sams and Carson states you have the right to say, "That's not appropriate for me at this time." It also states there is no obligation to say more than that. If your tendency is to explain your best-interest choices, take a moment to feel how liberating this permission is.
Controlling types can be especially difficult people to say no to, but you can do this without a verbal battle, you just have to hold fast to your rights and boundaries, even if/when they choose to make personal criticisms. (Orloff advises not to take a controller’s personal comments personally.) Remember that any and every out-of-balance energy is caused by fear, usually a fear of losing something. This fear applies to any controller type in your life—and you.
Sometimes explaining a No response is justified. Other times it’s just plain tiresome, usually because there’s an energy attached of not feeling our right to our choice is being honored by the recipient. Then there are times we utter explanations because we feel we have to justify our choice to ourselves. We don’t, especially if we’re aligned with our choice. And, some people are Processors, which means they verbalize the thought-string of details and considerations going on in their minds (a habit worthy of considering release of).
Putting into practice your right to say “No” or “That’s not appropriate for me,” with no further explanation, assists you to boost self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-confidence comes from trusting that you can and do make best choices for yourself—and knowing your opinion about your choices is the only one that ultimately matters.
This practice will also help you reduce or stop "shoulding" on yourself, especially if you’ve been programmed with perfectionist tendencies (a fear-based behavior). As you reduce “shoulding” on yourself, you will also, eventually, reduce how often you "should" on others. If you do one, you definitely do the other. When you recognize that someone is “shoulding” on you, you’ll more easily address this in a way appropriate for you. No one appreciates being "should" on. Imagine it was required we first ask, “May I ‘should’ on you about this?” How many of us would answer Yes, and mean it?
The more comfortable we are in our own "skin"—flaws and all (and willingness to self-adjust as we go), the more comfortable we are about allowing others the same experience. We let go of needing them to be different than they are AND believing we need to be different than what is natural for us. This allows for a far more relaxed, harmonious (or collaborative) experience with our selves and others to happen. And, you have the right to not stay in (or, at least, choose to limit) relationships with anyone you feel too strong of an emotional-chemistry contrast. Often, such a contrast happens with an immediate family member, and it’s easy to lose sight of your boundaries (and theirs) for a period of time. When this happens, trust that you’ll get back on track, and don’t judge yourself when you slip. Know that you can use such times to expand awareness and personal power, no matter how challenging the experience feels while it’s happening. At such a time, it’s best not to “should” on yourself and best to “would” on yourself: How would I prefer to manage myself now?
Frustration happens when you say Yes, when you know No is right for you; or when you feel Yes, but know you need to modify what your Yes means—and you don’t do this. You may feel uncomfortable—even fearful—of saying No; but you "fragment" your psyche and spirit, and deplete your energy, every time you say Yes and your inner essence says or shouts, "No!"
If necessary, take baby-steps: Pick one small matter this applies to and practice. Pay attention to how you feel before, during, and after. Know that the more you do this, the more natural it feels. In fact, not doing it eventually becomes downright uncomfortable.
You are what you practice.
© 2010, Joyce Shafer
Friday, June 11, 2010
Does Self Appreciation Affect Your Experiences and Results?
Whatever you believe about how to achieve desired results, your outcomes ARE affected by how much self-appreciation you feel. It's the same for how you engage your experiences.
Let's imagine you agree that . . .
How your attention (emotionally-charged thoughts) is focused (exercised or applied) directly relates to what you give, receive, and experience more of; and that
How you experience others and events in your life, at the inner level, is a direct result of—how your attention (emotionally-charged thoughts) is focused (exercised or applied).
Your level of self-appreciation will cause you to create (or perceive) reflected experiences that support enjoyment, fulfillment, prosperity (according to your definition), and good relationships OR anxiety, challenges, lack (according to your definition), and discord.
Others sense, at a subconscious level, your level of self-appreciation, and this guides how they engage with you. They sense (and observe) whether you’re comfortable “in your own skin” or you’re not—and they act on this, consciously or not. This affects experiences and outcomes in your personal and professional life areas.
How often do you set out to create something (product, workshop, business, book, work of art, meal, date, relationship, etc.) that your primary desire is to enjoy engaging the experience—and, observing how you “dance” with the dynamics—without attaching any concern about how the outcome will demonstrate your worth or value?
If this IS your approach, yes, you'd enjoy or prefer a particular outcome; but you don't allow any NEED for it to happen—or to happen a specific way—to limit the outcome or how you experience the journey. When you engage fear, doubt, or any negativity about anything you choose to do, you create (feed) a reflected experience and outcome. Think of the computer term GIGO: Garbage In, Garbage Out. Self-appreciation is all about valuing and making the most of your inner and outer journey. Do this, and the treasure you seek is found—you’re it.
Other Aspects of Self-Appreciation
Self-appreciation means you know your value and worth are not dependent on outcomes or approval from others. It keeps you tuned in to what and who is and is not appropriate for you.
Self-appreciation opens you to practice beneficial self-assessment and adjustment rather than negative, harsh self-judgment, especially when you wish you’d managed yourself differently in a situation.
Self-appreciation enhances compassion and empathy for others—because it’s easier to see how the lack of this in another causes them to struggle in life more often than not. You allow yourself to engage in the ongoing process of expanding self-awareness. You appreciate your willingness to do this. You appreciate that the process is not always easy (or self-evident)—for you or for others.
Self-appreciation guides you to pick your “battles” and to engage these with integrity and willingness to co-create a productive resolution, particularly because it’s exhausting to keep fighting the same battles (often the same issue masked as something else) because you haven’t addressed them constructively—from the inner or outer level, as needed.
Self-appreciation allows you to choose and enjoy new projects or goals, without negative or needy money attachments, which leads appropriate others to want to engage with you. A monetary expression of appreciation from others is, in fact, a reflection of self-appreciation.
Self-appreciation allows you to engage new inner and outer “territories” with a greater sense of adventure than any concern about whether you’re “good enough.” You know “where you are” when you start anything is “good enough,” and you embrace and enjoy improving at anything you choose to do.
Self-appreciation lets you aim at and do what you know is right for you rather than what others try to impose on you. You trust your Self.
How can you expand self-appreciation?
*Appreciate that every day you "show up," even when feeling challenged.
*Appreciate that you are, in fact, more creative and innovative than you may currently practice.
*Appreciate that you've always been engaged in the process of expanding your awareness and unique self-expression; are in this process now and always will be—whether you choose to experience this as progression or regression.
*Appreciate the Truth is that your value and worth are not dependent on any monetary connection, outcomes, or opinions of others. Release of fearful, doubtful, or needy energy allows your "reflections" to be ones you appreciate more often than not.
*Start noticing what you do right and well.
Take a moment to feel true self-appreciation every day and especially when you feel inclined to doubt your Self in any way. You are here now. YOU will never happen again. How do you choose to play "my life" while here? Expand your self-appreciation to enhance your experience of this. Share the good feeling this gives you by expressing appreciation of and to others, especially if you tend to withhold this from them. Appreciation—in all its forms—feels remarkable. Whether from others or from ourselves, it acts as fuel for us.
Genuine self-appreciation changes your life. The desire to feel this is the all-important first step to shift it—if a shift is needed.
You are what you practice.
© 2010, Joyce Shafer
Let's imagine you agree that . . .
How your attention (emotionally-charged thoughts) is focused (exercised or applied) directly relates to what you give, receive, and experience more of; and that
How you experience others and events in your life, at the inner level, is a direct result of—how your attention (emotionally-charged thoughts) is focused (exercised or applied).
Your level of self-appreciation will cause you to create (or perceive) reflected experiences that support enjoyment, fulfillment, prosperity (according to your definition), and good relationships OR anxiety, challenges, lack (according to your definition), and discord.
Others sense, at a subconscious level, your level of self-appreciation, and this guides how they engage with you. They sense (and observe) whether you’re comfortable “in your own skin” or you’re not—and they act on this, consciously or not. This affects experiences and outcomes in your personal and professional life areas.
How often do you set out to create something (product, workshop, business, book, work of art, meal, date, relationship, etc.) that your primary desire is to enjoy engaging the experience—and, observing how you “dance” with the dynamics—without attaching any concern about how the outcome will demonstrate your worth or value?
If this IS your approach, yes, you'd enjoy or prefer a particular outcome; but you don't allow any NEED for it to happen—or to happen a specific way—to limit the outcome or how you experience the journey. When you engage fear, doubt, or any negativity about anything you choose to do, you create (feed) a reflected experience and outcome. Think of the computer term GIGO: Garbage In, Garbage Out. Self-appreciation is all about valuing and making the most of your inner and outer journey. Do this, and the treasure you seek is found—you’re it.
Other Aspects of Self-Appreciation
Self-appreciation means you know your value and worth are not dependent on outcomes or approval from others. It keeps you tuned in to what and who is and is not appropriate for you.
Self-appreciation opens you to practice beneficial self-assessment and adjustment rather than negative, harsh self-judgment, especially when you wish you’d managed yourself differently in a situation.
Self-appreciation enhances compassion and empathy for others—because it’s easier to see how the lack of this in another causes them to struggle in life more often than not. You allow yourself to engage in the ongoing process of expanding self-awareness. You appreciate your willingness to do this. You appreciate that the process is not always easy (or self-evident)—for you or for others.
Self-appreciation guides you to pick your “battles” and to engage these with integrity and willingness to co-create a productive resolution, particularly because it’s exhausting to keep fighting the same battles (often the same issue masked as something else) because you haven’t addressed them constructively—from the inner or outer level, as needed.
Self-appreciation allows you to choose and enjoy new projects or goals, without negative or needy money attachments, which leads appropriate others to want to engage with you. A monetary expression of appreciation from others is, in fact, a reflection of self-appreciation.
Self-appreciation allows you to engage new inner and outer “territories” with a greater sense of adventure than any concern about whether you’re “good enough.” You know “where you are” when you start anything is “good enough,” and you embrace and enjoy improving at anything you choose to do.
Self-appreciation lets you aim at and do what you know is right for you rather than what others try to impose on you. You trust your Self.
How can you expand self-appreciation?
*Appreciate that every day you "show up," even when feeling challenged.
*Appreciate that you are, in fact, more creative and innovative than you may currently practice.
*Appreciate that you've always been engaged in the process of expanding your awareness and unique self-expression; are in this process now and always will be—whether you choose to experience this as progression or regression.
*Appreciate the Truth is that your value and worth are not dependent on any monetary connection, outcomes, or opinions of others. Release of fearful, doubtful, or needy energy allows your "reflections" to be ones you appreciate more often than not.
*Start noticing what you do right and well.
Take a moment to feel true self-appreciation every day and especially when you feel inclined to doubt your Self in any way. You are here now. YOU will never happen again. How do you choose to play "my life" while here? Expand your self-appreciation to enhance your experience of this. Share the good feeling this gives you by expressing appreciation of and to others, especially if you tend to withhold this from them. Appreciation—in all its forms—feels remarkable. Whether from others or from ourselves, it acts as fuel for us.
Genuine self-appreciation changes your life. The desire to feel this is the all-important first step to shift it—if a shift is needed.
You are what you practice.
© 2010, Joyce Shafer
Friday, April 30, 2010
Do You Feel Authentic?
Do you ever feel afraid to be as you are? See if actor Patrick Stewart’s story and these comments help you think or feel differently about this.
Tavis Smiley interviewed Patrick Stewart (Captain Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation). The topic of Stewart’s famed hairless dome came up, and Stewart revealed he was as bald by age nineteen as he is today; and that for years, he wore a comb-over. His defining moment came after lunch at the home of a Hungarian black belt Judo player, who was also a director, and his wife. The couple left the room—Stewart thought to make coffee. He was grabbed from behind and held by his strong friend while the wife used scissors to snip off the comb-over. Stewart was furious. His friend let him go then knelt in front of him and said, “Now, be yourself! No more hiding.”
The dictionary has several definitions of authentic including “that is in fact as represented; genuine; real” and “true to its type; conforming to an original in style, methods, etc.”
You could say the first definition above refers to “walk your talk.” We usually start out talking more than “walking,” but with the intention to catch up as soon as possible. This is especially true when we’re processing inner-level matters we wish to shift. That “between place” is authentic, even if it seems counterintuitive to think of it this way—because it’s where we are as we aim to move forward. Each of us always has to start where we are.
The second definition is intriguing because of the words “conforming to an original”—because the original you must conform to in order to be authentic is you. Yet, how often do we view ourselves as original, unique—which we undeniably are; and we hesitate or fail to honor and celebrate this. Usually, this is because elements of society have imposed beliefs upon us such as attractiveness looks “this” way, intelligence is expressed “this” way, true success looks like “this,” and other similar statements.
It took Michelangelo three years to carve his David statue, to carve an exquisite image from something “fixed” in nature—marble. We, however, are not fixed in nature because we have the ability to self-learn and self-adjust. We are the sculptor and the clay of ourselves, which is as it was meant to be. Even if diamonds in the rough, we are more exquisite than any work of art or ancient architecture—because we are the creators of such works, or can be, even if on a much smaller scale.
We tend to think that being authentic means we are 100 percent certain about every aspect of ourselves, all the time. What a set-up for frustration. What if the truth is you’re always authentic, but don’t perceive it that way? Do you feel confused about something? Then, be with that—feel authentically confused so you can find what needs to be chipped away or molded until you’re clear about that particular matter. Confused is not inauthentic, it’s an authentic aspect asking for clarity—clarity about what is appropriate for you.
Authenticity is who you are—what you feel—in each moment, and the choices you make from that inner place. You may desire to perceive yourself as your most excellent self, but that’s something you can choose each and every moment—because you are changed in some way by each and every moment.
You are never inauthentic. Dissatisfied, perhaps; but always authentically you, with all your perceived “positives” and “negatives.”
Question: If a “negative” leads to a “positive,” is it truly, wholly a negative? If the “negative” had never appeared or happened, would the positive still have manifested?
Would the character of Captain Picard have impressed us as we were if he’d worn a comb-over? We may not have friends who will take such measures as Stewart’s did, which means we have the responsibility to “snip our own comb-overs” and say, “Now, be yourself! No more hiding.”
D. A. Battista said, "The scars you acquire by exercising courage will never make you feel inferior." It’s possible that when someone feels “inauthentic,” s/he may mean “inferior” in some way. “Inferior” is a layer of limiting beliefs hiding a unique being craving to feel true to the Self and afraid for some reason to be it, whatever that is in each changing moment.
Authentic is aware, attentive, and able to adjust as needed. It’s not “perfect” or completed before its time. Even if you hesitate to trust your authenticity, and even if you must take gradual steps to allow yourself to feel your authenticity in each moment, feel the courage within you—in your best interest and right timing—and be comfortable with what is original about you. Do this and you’ll exchange feeling inauthentic for feeling enlivened. Authentic is a state of mind.
You are what you practice.
Tavis Smiley interviewed Patrick Stewart (Captain Picard in Star Trek: The Next Generation). The topic of Stewart’s famed hairless dome came up, and Stewart revealed he was as bald by age nineteen as he is today; and that for years, he wore a comb-over. His defining moment came after lunch at the home of a Hungarian black belt Judo player, who was also a director, and his wife. The couple left the room—Stewart thought to make coffee. He was grabbed from behind and held by his strong friend while the wife used scissors to snip off the comb-over. Stewart was furious. His friend let him go then knelt in front of him and said, “Now, be yourself! No more hiding.”
The dictionary has several definitions of authentic including “that is in fact as represented; genuine; real” and “true to its type; conforming to an original in style, methods, etc.”
You could say the first definition above refers to “walk your talk.” We usually start out talking more than “walking,” but with the intention to catch up as soon as possible. This is especially true when we’re processing inner-level matters we wish to shift. That “between place” is authentic, even if it seems counterintuitive to think of it this way—because it’s where we are as we aim to move forward. Each of us always has to start where we are.
The second definition is intriguing because of the words “conforming to an original”—because the original you must conform to in order to be authentic is you. Yet, how often do we view ourselves as original, unique—which we undeniably are; and we hesitate or fail to honor and celebrate this. Usually, this is because elements of society have imposed beliefs upon us such as attractiveness looks “this” way, intelligence is expressed “this” way, true success looks like “this,” and other similar statements.
It took Michelangelo three years to carve his David statue, to carve an exquisite image from something “fixed” in nature—marble. We, however, are not fixed in nature because we have the ability to self-learn and self-adjust. We are the sculptor and the clay of ourselves, which is as it was meant to be. Even if diamonds in the rough, we are more exquisite than any work of art or ancient architecture—because we are the creators of such works, or can be, even if on a much smaller scale.
We tend to think that being authentic means we are 100 percent certain about every aspect of ourselves, all the time. What a set-up for frustration. What if the truth is you’re always authentic, but don’t perceive it that way? Do you feel confused about something? Then, be with that—feel authentically confused so you can find what needs to be chipped away or molded until you’re clear about that particular matter. Confused is not inauthentic, it’s an authentic aspect asking for clarity—clarity about what is appropriate for you.
Authenticity is who you are—what you feel—in each moment, and the choices you make from that inner place. You may desire to perceive yourself as your most excellent self, but that’s something you can choose each and every moment—because you are changed in some way by each and every moment.
You are never inauthentic. Dissatisfied, perhaps; but always authentically you, with all your perceived “positives” and “negatives.”
Question: If a “negative” leads to a “positive,” is it truly, wholly a negative? If the “negative” had never appeared or happened, would the positive still have manifested?
Would the character of Captain Picard have impressed us as we were if he’d worn a comb-over? We may not have friends who will take such measures as Stewart’s did, which means we have the responsibility to “snip our own comb-overs” and say, “Now, be yourself! No more hiding.”
D. A. Battista said, "The scars you acquire by exercising courage will never make you feel inferior." It’s possible that when someone feels “inauthentic,” s/he may mean “inferior” in some way. “Inferior” is a layer of limiting beliefs hiding a unique being craving to feel true to the Self and afraid for some reason to be it, whatever that is in each changing moment.
Authentic is aware, attentive, and able to adjust as needed. It’s not “perfect” or completed before its time. Even if you hesitate to trust your authenticity, and even if you must take gradual steps to allow yourself to feel your authenticity in each moment, feel the courage within you—in your best interest and right timing—and be comfortable with what is original about you. Do this and you’ll exchange feeling inauthentic for feeling enlivened. Authentic is a state of mind.
You are what you practice.
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