Do You Have A Right to Be Happy?

There are some who believe it is unrealistic to be happy these days, much less to even focus on being happy. Are they right, or are they missing a significant point?

An article I wrote asking if we’re too busy to be happy received this (unaltered) comment from a reader: “no, I am too realistic to be happy! can you be happy, when Russia invades Ukraine? can you be you be happy, when all the world is put by Russia on a brink of another war? can you be happy, when you are lied to? can you? then, you are a philosopher, a saint or an alien to this Earth.”

I felt it was important to give genuine consideration to the commenter’s ultimate concern and his obvious frustration or upset. I wanted my reply to honor his feelings, and perhaps even assist him, if he’s open to this. So rather than send him a direct reply, especially since I believe his feelings may be shared by a number of people, and certainly by all of us at certain times in our lives, especially these days, I decided to do it this way. Maybe he’ll see this and read it as well.

Dear Commenter: Thank you for reading my article and sharing your honest thoughts and feelings about it. You brought up some valid points, which I’d like to respond to. The first thing I’d like to comment on is that I am not a philosopher. I do make an effort to consider and evaluate everything by using my whole brain—when I remind myself to do this for my and for the benefit of everyone involved (more on this in a bit). I’m not a saint, but I am spiritual-metaphysical, which helps to keep me balanced as often as possible, and sane, especially during times that seem to lack sanity or rationality.

About being an alien to Earth, the scientists and researchers who don’t mind bucking mainstream (controlled) science are willing to say that the evidence clearly indicates that none of us originated here, and that there is evidence of our DNA having been altered; and in fact, I recently heard someone on TV say that our DNA has altered by 7% from even 5,000 years ago. I’m not being facetious with this comment. This is the science that’s not being promoted to the public. We, and our history, appear to be so much more than mainstream would like us to believe.

Significant as the events you mentioned are, there are even more events happening, which fit on the scale from minor to severe, than many of us know about, want to know about, or are fearful to believe or imagine really goes on, or can hold in our minds, much less our hearts. Taking all of this into account, it can seem unrealistic to focus on our own happiness at such a time as now. It’s more than tempting to become overwhelmed by all that’s happening, but that can lead us even farther away from where we are meant to go, which is into higher consciousness and awareness, so that we can be better humans than we sometimes or currently are, and be more effective about addressing what’s going on and do so in the right way.

Perhaps it’s the word “happy” that you disagree with, and that’s understandable. Perhaps if you consider exchanging “happy” with “possessed of and motivated through greater conscious awareness,” that might feel better to you or seem more realistic (more on this in a bit, as well). Happy, after all, is just a word with as many meanings as there are individuals to perceive and experience that feeling. And as odd as it can seem to some of us, there are those who only feel truly alive when they are upset about something or with someone.

About being lied to: It’s helpful to us to remember there’s a great deal of information, misinformation (poorly interpreted information), and disinformation (deliberate confusion of information by making just enough of what’s shared true to get people to believe it or making just enough of what’s shared false to convince people to disbelieve it) out there. It all seems like chaos. I recently heard someone say there is no chaos, only a pattern that is not understood, like an ant making its way across a colorful carpet. To the ant, the colors may seem to have no rhyme or reason; but if the ant could look at the carpet from far enough above, it would see the colors form a pattern.

The reason why much of what’s happening is happening is being addressed by a number of reputable people, people who pay attention to the patterns most of us ignore or are unaware of or simply choose not to believe could be possible, despite evidence. By reputable, I mean these people’s efforts, experiences, and proven results as researchers over many years or decades have demonstrated that their information is worth giving real thought to; although, mainstream wants us to believe them to be insubstantial or delusional, as though a good deal of what’s going on isn’t crazy in itself. I offer this disclaimer, though: Do properly vet whoever’s information you check into. And, there is inner knowing within you about anything; and there are evidences all around you.

There are a number of things we can do to become better humans and to be more effectively part of the solution. We can start with the natural laws of the universe, which are not manmade, but are of the God Mind or One Consciousness that created everything in existence, or more precisely, thought everything into existence. The natural laws are these. The Law of Mentalism: Thoughts are formed before any manifestation, therefore, thoughts create things and conditions; The Law of Correspondence: The above is like or similar to the below, and the below is like or similar to the above—they mirror each other; The Law of Vibration: There is no non-motion or complete rest, everything moves, everything vibrates; The Law of Polarity: Everything has a dual nature, that is, has its pair of opposites, however, the opposites are identical in nature (e.g., temperature), but different in degree; The Law of Rhythm: Everything has its tides, its ascents and descents; The Law of Cause and Effect: Every cause has its effect; every effect has its cause; The Law of Gender: Everything and everyone has masculine and feminine principles; and then there’s The Unifying Principle that encompasses and binds the 7 Natural Laws together: CARE. It’s up to each of us to consider what each of the laws mean and how they operate within our lives. It’s up to each of us to examine how often we use or practice the unifying principle.

It’s up to each of us to understand how our brain works and how it’s supposed to serve us. We need to understand that the left brain is logistical, is the center of the ego or personality, and is where all thoughts about physical reality are addressed—from a limited perspective. We need to understand that the right brain is where our creativity, intuition, emotions, esoteric understanding and experiences happen and reveal themselves to us, and where we process thoughts about the non-physical aspects of existence—from a more expansive perspective. We need to understand that our pineal gland is there to balance thoughts between the left and right brains so that we don’t get stuck in one side or the other. Why do we need to understand this?

We can easily get stuck in the left brain, where lack is perceived and is where most of the people causing the problems in the world operate out of (the absence of heart is obvious, or should be). It’s where we process thoughts about all that’s going on in our lives and in the world around us, from a limited perspective. When we do this, we forget about the Truth of our spiritual natures, which reminds us or demonstrates to us, or can, who we really are and what we are really capable of. But neither is it helpful to get stuck in the right brain and take no positive or right action.

I’m not saying we should not be concerned about what’s going on—I certainly am. But I am saying that existing in negative energy, in any of its forms, is contributing to the very circumstances and events going on in our lives and the world today (reread the natural laws). What are our thoughts mostly about? We are focused on the effects rather than the causes, and we seem to be stuck in this loop. Whether we believe it or not or wish it weren’t so, we are an integral part of what is going on all around us.

We go along with choices, rules, and actions that make no sense or that harm us or others in some way. We go along with fighting each other rather than telling those who decide on or choose wars (for profit or control or whatever their own purpose is), often decided on before any reason is created and is then presented to the public to garner support, to go find a remote field where they can’t harm the rest of us and fight among themselves, because the rest of us choose to experience as much peace and harmony and mutual support as we can create for us and our world.

Krishnamurti said: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” You can’t get people to ignore natural laws and the unifying principle of care unless you convince them they have reason to do so. This means fear, divisiveness, and outright animosity or hatred has to be instigated and promoted. Unfortunately, there are a large number of us who don’t question this enough, who buy into such promotions, often under various labels, and then do what’s expected of us or behave as is anticipated, rather than examine what matches natural law and the unifying principle of care and what doesn’t.

Ultimately, it goes beyond the question: Do we have a right to be happy or to focus on being so, especially these days. It’s actually more about being in a positive vibration as often as possible—because we are far more than this physical experience, even though we don’t often act like it and sometimes don’t even believe it. We are not as powerless as we tend to believe we are or have been taught to believe we are. If we want to shift anything, we have an obligation to put ourselves into a positive vibration as often as we can so that we alter what we can. We have an obligation to change our visualizations, actions, emotions, words, and thoughts to ones that create harmony and well-being for us individually, as well as humanity as a collective of individuals. You cannot improve anything by energizing it with negative energy. You can improve anything by restoring true balance, and true balance starts and ends within each one of us. That’s not my opinion, that’s natural law.

For me, moments of happiness—and happiness can be quiet and calm just as it can be exuberant—are a form of appreciation: to and for the One Consciousness; for the gift life is; for free will, as challenging as it can sometimes be to exercise it wisely and compassionately; for the ability to choose love or kindness over any form of hate or mean tendencies; for moments when spirit is put before ego; and so much more. Such moments remind us all who we are and how we can be; and possibly, hopefully, deter us from living from our baser nature aspects and instead choose to live with higher conscious awareness.

So, yes, Commenter, I can choose to be happy or rather feel moments of happiness and inner peace, even with all that’s going on. I feel it’s not just my responsibility but my duty to help hold a more loving vibration on this planet—especially now. This doesn’t mean I ignore what’s going on, but does mean I can apply my energy about it differently, from a more spiritual perspective, while I make my own type of contribution, which is writing what I do, and anything else I receive inspiration to do, including being an example whenever I can, especially when I can move myself out of ego and into love, compassion, and collaboration. To be and do otherwise is to become part of the problem rather than part of the solution. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.    

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Are Your Thoughts About Others from the Ego or the Heart?

When we choose to remember past moments, sometimes it’s the ego and sometimes it’s the heart that speaks. Which one speaks most often for and through you?

I was thinking about someone who has a tendency, or I should say an addiction, to consistently repeat or tell about unpleasant moments as (usually) her only conversation topics: “I remember when (this awful thing happened to me/this person did this awful thing to me)” or “Let me tell you about the latest unpleasant thing that happened (or what this person did/said to me).” This person has a steamer trunk filled with such topics, and more keep getting added in. I’m sure there are good memories in that trunk, but they don’t seem to rise to the surface as easily. In fact, it stopped her in her tracks one time when she was going through her list of unpleasant memories and I asked, “What is one of your favorite memories?” Once she was able to blink again, she said, “Why did you ask me that?” I told her I was just curious and would like to hear about one. It was the briefest she ever spoke about an experience; she did it in one brief sentence rather than her usual short or long story. This is an example of what happens to people when the ego, rather than the heart, is allowed to dominate, because the ego feeds on drama.

As I thought about this person’s tendency, I did what a lot of us do, which is I had an imaginary conversation with her where I suggested that what could be focused on was, “I remember when (this good thing happened, this person did this wonderful thing for me),” and so on, instead of the usual. And then I realized I was practicing exactly what the person practices. What an eye-opening reminder for me—yet again (sigh). It’s so easy to see what others do and miss the fact that we might do or are doing the very same thing, even if our version or justification for doing so appears to be different, at least, to us.

Following “I remember when” with good, touching, or funny stories shouldn’t be reserved for funerals. Stories told at funerals often recall acts of kindness or generosity the person did for them and or for others, funny moments shared with the person, the person’s best traits. And this happens despite anything else that occurred while the person was alive. I’m not saying this is always the case, but it does happen more often than not, or has in my experience. And if prior disputes or conflicts are mentioned, the tone of voice is usually softer; it and the words chosen wear the hue of compassion rather than animosity, or at least are spoken with the awareness that speaking ill of the deceased is frowned upon at such a time. Perhaps certain moments that originally irritated or angered the teller with the departed are now told with a tinge of humor. It’s amazing how many negative feelings carried for years about a person can be released or are when the person passes on. Maybe this is because the heart finally tells the ego to be quiet for a change, and forgiveness is allowed to release both individuals at that time, too late in some ways, but allowed.

In Doreen Virtue’s book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels, she has an interesting chapter called “Toxic Relationships: How to Recognize and Handle Them.” The toxic relationship types include Interrupting, Correcting, One-upmanship, Clingy Neediness, Stalking, Guilt-Tripping, Angerholism, Unreliability, Nosiness, Grumpiness, Accusatory Tendencies, Victimhood/Martyrdom, Controlling Behavior, Perpetual Clowning, Loudness, Substance Abuse, Lack of Boundaries, Name-Calling, Rudeness, Betrayal, Gossiping, One-sidedness, Drama Queen or King, Taking Advantage, Barbed Tongue, and Nonstop Talking. Phew! Look at those listings! I’ll bet that you, just as I, could readily assign those types to people you engage in relationships with or did. Would we also be as quick to list our name beside one or more of them, as behaviors we practice ourselves at times or more often?

One thing I know, based on experience—and it is all too easy to forget when we’re frustrated—is that practicing negative or judgmental thoughts about others, including when you’re not in their company, creates more of the same and serves to aggravate you even more. It stagnates or depletes your inner and physical energy, as well. It may satisfy the ego (temporarily) to engage thoughts and words in this way, but deep down, it doesn’t make us feel good at all. Not really. It also means that while we point one finger at another, three fingers point back at us.

It points out the fact that we have not addressed whatever issue we have with the person in a constructive and productive and peaceful way, if that’s possible—sometimes, it flat-out isn’t. Sometimes, you have to end a relationship with a person who practices one or more of those behavior types Doreen listed. Sometimes, it isn’t possible or realistic to end the relationship and keep your spiritual integrity intact at the same time, which means there’s an opportunity to learn about yourself and your potential for personal and spiritual growth that’s trying to step out of the shadows into the light.

The thing is that we tend to put our focus on others. What others do is what they do; it may be how they are, until they decide to change, if that ever happens. And they, as we, are here to learn their own lessons in their own way and in their own timing. When we observe or experience another’s behavior, it’s also an opportunity to look at ourselves. How do we feel about their behaviors and why do we feel that way? How do we feel about ourselves, and why? How do we respond or react? Is it with aggression, passivity, passive-aggression, people-pleasing, or assertiveness?

Assertiveness means we speak our truth and do so without getting snarky or outright mean or demeaning (or people-pleasing). Just as you don’t fight fire with fire (so to speak, since wildfires are sometimes fought with fire to contain them), ideally, you don’t address unpleasant behavior with more unpleasant behavior, as tempting to the ego as that might be. And if your truth is met with hostility, you can walk away (not stomp away), whether that’s until a better time to talk once both sides have calmed down enough so you can attempt better communication, or forever.

The rest of the time, check your thoughts and see how they’re running in your mind. It’s understandable, being the humans with egos that we are, that we’ll have thoughts come up about others or matters that irk us (trying to eliminate such thoughts completely is nearly impossible and may lead to self-judgment; choosing to shift into better thoughts is doable and a worthy practice). Sometimes those negative or judgmental thoughts are needed as part of the process used to gain greater understanding of or clarity about the dynamics involved and to figure out what we need to do or say. And sometimes we do need to talk to another about this so we (perhaps, finally) feel heard.

But we will benefit if we also look at ourselves in this process. Are we taking care of ourselves, and doing so with integrity? Are we communicating with integrity? What do we demonstrate or teach others by our own examples? How can we re-program ourselves to be better and healthier at the inner level if we practice old programs of complaining and blaming, and any of the behaviors listed, other than assertiveness, which is the only way to be authentic?

Deborah Tannen said, "Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations." We can begin to pay attention when we speak, as to whether our words come from the ego or from the heart. We can choose which one of those two we wish to give the greater voice to in our inner and outer experiences. We can think and share better thoughts about others while they’re still alive, or at least send them a silent blessing to find peace and joy within themselves, rather than entertain and feed the ego with negative thoughts about them. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.    

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Are You Too Busy to Be Happy?

We tend to believe if we’re busy enough, feeling happy or significant will be the result; but this all depends on us, as individuals, doesn’t it? So, we need to figure this out for ourselves.

An image was posted on a social site that said: Stop the glorification of busy. This reminds me of how much emphasis we put on what people do versus who they are, and how happy they are. There’s a theme running through our psyches that says we have to be and or stay busy or we’re not living up to our full potential. Underneath that is the other theme: concern about what others will think and say about us. Society-at-large claims to admire people who are on the go all the time, who live in the fast lane, who “live large.” The implication is that if you don’t fit into that mold, you aren’t someone special; your value or worth is less, according to those parameters.

I saw someone I hadn’t seen in years, which meant we had catching-up to do, so I asked about her children. Her conversation went something like this (all identifying information has been changed): “Mark is working for Acme Insurance. He’s a department manager. His wife, Anna, works at Booker Bank. She’s the loan manager. Their older son, Steve, is the floor manager at Estates Antiques. Their younger son, George, is the top salesman at Luxury Cars. Their daughter, Angie—” well, you get the picture. As the time passed, I asked more specific questions, but one thing stuck in my mind: how happy someone is, is rarely the first thing someone says about another.

We put so much emphasis on what people do when we could put it on who they are and how happy they are. How much admiration do we have or value do we place on someone who is genuinely kind, caring, and happy, and has a job, say, as a personal assistant, a cook, or a housekeeper? Or, we might comment, when asked how a mutual friend is doing after a move to a new town, that the move was a bold one; that we believe in our friend’s abilities; that we know there will be adjustment time involved, but that our friend possesses what she or he needs at the inner and outer levels to make life a good experience in the new place, rather than what work our friend is doing. 

There’s a story you may be familiar with about a business executive who visited a coastal village. He had a conversation with a local man and learned the local man got up in the morning when he wanted to, took his small boat out for an hour or two and caught enough fish to sell for money his family used, then spent the rest of the day and evening with his family and friends, where they all enjoyed each other’s companionship. It was a simple, easy, joyful life the local man described.

The executive launched into a discussion about how the man could get more boats over time and create a huge, profitable business. The executive was in his element during this conversation: Building businesses from scratch and growing them was his expertise and passion. The local man listened carefully then asked why he should do that. The executive explained that with proper management, the man could sell the company and retire in twenty years with enough money that would allow him to get up in the morning when he wanted to, fish when he wanted to, and spend as much time with his family and friends as he wanted to. The local man replied, “I do that now.”

Someone posed an excellent question about this story: Which man was happy? What’s your answer to that question? The question-poser’s answer was an intriguing one: Both of them. What made each man happy was different. One man liked to stay busy in a particular way to feel fulfilled; the other liked to stay just busy enough to feel fulfilled. Each man had certain responsibilities they had to attend to, which they did, and you can bet that each man had challenges they had to meet in life, but they knew what made them happy and lived it.

We put so much emphasis on what we and others do and so little on what makes us genuinely happy. We keep ourselves busy, either with genuine responsibilities, some of which we probably could delegate, or with busywork, so we can appear productive to ourselves and others. Never confuse activity with productivity. We trap ourselves in that vortex far too often and too easily, either with physical activity or mental activity.

One friend of mine had the thought instilled in her that if she took the time to read a book for her own purpose or pleasure she was guilty of the sin of laziness (I just heard the collective gasp of avid readers). So she worked and worked and did and did, all the time. She and I had many conversations about this, until she was finally able to find the courage to read a book. She was in her 40s before this happened, and she did so under the disapproving gaze of the person most adamant about it being a lazy person’s thing to do, as she took her turn to sit with him in his hospital room.

My father was a workaholic. My mother was always doing something. Neither ever sat and watched TV without doing some other task at the same time. It’s no surprise I too became a workaholic, until a health matter put an end to that. It took me several years to move past denial of this, as well as continuing to push myself to the borderline critical stage, before I really got the message. Then it took another year or two to figure out how to live and function in a new way, and to see the gifts that came with this, such as a different level of creativity, because I could no longer afford to be active without being productive. It was especially challenging to deal with others who couldn’t comprehend or adapt to this new “reality” for me. Comments were often harsh. Eventually, I had to not care what others thought. It shouldn’t take a health matter for us to not care what others think or to choose balance for ourselves and our lives.

We have been programmed to believe if we are busy enough, it will lead to happiness. Why? Because if you’re busy, you must be being compensated, right? And if you’re compensated, you must be able to afford stuff, and stuff makes us happy, right? Yet, some of the busiest people are the most under-compensated and some of the best-compensated people are some of the unhappiest.

There’s also the aspect of strengthening our spiritual side to consider. How can we do this if we never sit still long enough to hear the deeper messages or to balance and recharge our energy, or to nurture our connection with the One Consciousness? We also need to consider the mental, emotional, and physical drain on us that can happen when we don’t have that balance in our lives.

Do you identify with who you really are, or with what you do and are experiencing? Do you project this onto others, as well? Maybe a good question is: How happy am I in general? Do I make time to not be busy so that the other parts of my life are fulfilling and joyful? It’s time to stop the glorification of busy for ourselves and others and embrace life and its many facets, and determine for ourselves what makes life a happy experience for us. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.   

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Don’t Give Negativity Another Thought

Should we or shouldn’t we ever put our attention on the negative? Maybe there’s something we need to discern about this, to avoid confusing ourselves and perpetuating negativity that ought to be given our attention.

What do we think or believe negativity to be? Is it whatever doesn’t feel good to or for us individually? What about whatever doesn’t feel good to or for others or the collective humanity we are part of, as well? We aren’t meant to dwell on or in negativity in a manner that does no good for us or others, but we have to watch that we don’t stick our heads in the sand either, when we should be taking a closer look at something. Let’s consider this and what we often do and might do differently about negativity and negative experiences, through something most people are aware of.

Here’s the first part of the “Serenity Prayer” most of us are familiar with and frequently use or refer to:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change, 
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

Here’s the same first part of the “Serenity Prayer,” as its author Reinhold Niebahr wrote it and intended it to be reflected upon and used:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity 
the things that cannot be changed, 
Courage to change the things 
which should be changed, 
and the Wisdom to distinguish 
the one from the other.

An initial difference between the two versions that got my attention is how each starts. The altered version has no comma after God, but the original version does. The comma indicates a direct, personal conversation with the Creator of All Things is being held (just as it does in rules of punctuation), whereas the absence of it in the altered version makes it seem removed and rote, as though we’re repeating words to ourselves in the hope it—the repetition—will make the difference.

In the altered version, it’s all about the “I,” the individual. It asks for “me” to be granted serenity, as though serenity must be provided to us or we don’t or won’t or can’t have it. And the word granted is something of a subservient term, as when someone in “authority” grants a favor, but it comes with a price or an obligation, that is, if it’s granted. It states serenity is needed in order to accept the things “I” cannot change. This can be problematic because we humans are known to confuse (or ignore) the difference between cannot and will not.

The altered version asks to be granted the courage to change the things “I” can. We’re faced with the same cannot/will not conundrum. How many things are there that you believe need to change but you also believe you are powerless to do anything about them? (Perhaps, as an individual this is sometimes true, but as a group or collective, it isn’t.)

It asks for the wisdom to know the difference—the difference to know what you can’t change and what you can. Well, depending on what you believe you are capable of and what you know or don’t know your Rights to be, that could be an interesting form of wisdom that reflects more of an “I’ll do it if it’s convenient or comfortable and doesn’t require too much of me” kind of scenario. 

The original version is about “us,” we as individuals, as well as humanity as an aggregate or collective of individuals sharing the human experience. The original version requests grace to be given, as a gift, with no strings attached. If we truly understand what the Creator has given us, we understand that that grace has already been given; that acting with grace is always a choice. And, “to accept with serenity” reminds us that we have a choice to accept with resistance or anger or serenity—that is, to make peace with the fact of what cannot be changed. 

The original writing makes it clear there are some things that cannot be changed. Such things include the Natural Laws the Creator of the Universe put into effect to assist us to raise our Consciousness so we do a good job as co-creators and with how we operate within our individual and shared physical reality (To exercise Consciousness is to interact with Truth more often than not interact with it, to marry our perceptions with Truth so that our perceptions more closely and frequently align or intersect with Truth); death (once it’s happened and we’re sure the person is beyond resuscitation); any event that has already taken place and is factually irreversible; gravity; and so forth. 

It asks for courage, which we can infer means to assist or remind us to use inner strength to make the choice to engage our courage to change the things which should be changed. This wording is a whole different ball of wax from the altered version, isn’t it? It’s a statement that recognizes that part of our human nature is to at times be so fearful or unmotivated that we won’t change even what should be changed. And, it points out that there are, indeed, some things that should be changed. The problem with the altered version is that it implies if something doesn’t affect “me” (or “me” too badly), “I” shouldn’t necessarily do anything about it or give it another thought.

Then, we request the Wisdom (capitalized in the original version, to indicate a higher level of knowledge and common sense, rather than a personal opinion) to distinguish the one from the other: Things that cannot be changed (have happened or are Natural Laws and cannot be altered) and things that should be changed (require our attention and right action). Neibahr meant for all of us to practice this version particularly because our individual and collective behaviors influence the conditions we share, and the conditions we share influence our individual and collective behaviors.

There are levels of negativity, and negativity happens in degrees. Therefore, our responses must be appropriate and in appropriate measure.

There’s the level of the individual experience and expression of negative thoughts, words, and actions. Reasons for this negativity vary: learned behavior, chosen behavior, depression or some other form of psychosis, sleep deprivation, chemical imbalance, physical or emotional pain, overwhelm, to list some prevalent ones. About each of these, something can be done. The individual has the Free Will Right to choose to do or not to do something about it, especially to do no harm or stop harm to the self and or others, unless something specific impedes this, like a mental or physical infirmity that makes right or conscious choice impossible.

There’s the level of an individual, but usually more than just one individual experiencing and expressing negative thoughts, words, and actions, where Rights of individuals in any number are infringed on or taken away. We might call these basic Rights or Freedoms, in accordance with Natural Laws, which are different than man-made laws. About this form of negativity, something should be done. Individuals, whether alone or who are members of a group or collective, have the Free Will Right to choose to do or not do something about this. Again, our individual and collective behaviors influence the conditions we share, and the conditions we share influence our individual and collective behaviors.

I watched The Truman Show recently, and was affected by a dialogue line that was spoken by a fake radio announcer: “Don’t think about that. Sit back and enjoy this relaxing music.” The advice to not think about that (Don’t give it another thought) referred to something anomalous that happened and had gotten Truman’s attention, causing him to question its strangeness or not-rightness. After that anomalous event, the practice of diverting Truman’s attention from what the reality or truth was, worked only for so long, until he began to come out of his mental fog (or ambivalence) and pay more attention to what was really going on than he had been. The more attention he paid the more the truth was revealed.

Carl Jung: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable, and therefore, not popular.” This can refer to the darkness that is negativity, as well as lack of true Consciousness and willingness to attain it within each of us, as well as within our collective humanity.

None of us wants to see or experience negativity. But we need to understand there’s a difference between dwelling on it and not doing anything about it at any level other than complain, or tolerate it in silence, and putting our attention on it to understand it better so we can and will do something about it, so that we, hopefully, can prevent more of the same from happening again. Part of the New Age information has been that if we focus on something negative, we give it power. We’ve interpreted this to mean we shouldn’t give it any of our attention. Is the true power, especially to effect change, in whether or not we put our attention on the negativity, or is the true power in the individual? There’s a difference between feeding negativity and not feeding it, ignoring it and shifting it. Had Truman believed the power was in the illusion and those supporting it and not in him and his desire for truth, he’d have remained trapped, used, and miserable.

One of the most powerful things we can do is to say No to perpetuating negativity or creating new negativity. If something has already happened, we can choose the grace to accept the fact of it with serenity (for our best benefit and clear-mindedness) and choose the courage to change whatever about it should be and can be changed. We need to consider that maybe it isn’t that we shouldn’t put attention on the negative, but that we should put the right kind of attention on it, as well as on the desired result of our attention; then, take right action to attain or accomplish it or something even better.

We could lessen or eliminate some of the negativity in our individual and shared experiences if we did give negativity another thought—the right kind of thought so that we can demonstrate our power to do more than what we may have been doing. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Say Goodbye to Typical New Year Resolutions Blues

The things you do or don't do about New Year resolutions are what you do right now as a consistent practice about any such decisions. Whatever you don’t do about them, and why, you can do differently starting today.

How would this affect how we practice the Golden Rule?

It's important to understand why resolutions you make any time of the year fizzle out. You may feel a desire for something to shift or change, but if your commitment to make it happen doesn't match your desire, you'll return to doing what's convenient or familiar rather than what it takes, because it’s really a wish rather than a genuine desire backed by commitment. Resolution means you are resolved, committed, intentional.

Another reason is perhaps you aren't clear about your WHY: Why you really want what you say you do. The reason you think you want something may be buried under layers of other thoughts and feelings, hiding your real reason, which is a feeling you wish to have and keep. For example, if you want to reduce the numbers on a weight scale or increase the numbers in your bank account, what's your why? If it's so the opinion of others about you will be what you want it to be, that's a formula for probable failure and an unpleasant experience: that’s too many people to attempt to please. Maybe what’s really there is a desire to feel loved and accepted, which is a layer over your real desire to love and accept yourself, which requires a different approach than weight loss or focusing on more money, alone. This kind of thought process can, of course, be applied to anything you say you want.

Sometimes the absence of an effective plan is what causes the fizzle. What is an effective plan? It's something you have head and heart alignment about. Stated a different way, it includes required steps you are fully committed to taking and, possibly or likely, are even enthusiastic about taking, and is in alignment with who you know yourself to be and your Principles. Aim for what will really make you sizzle so you won’t fizzle.

There are key steps to take, in order to fulfill any desired intention (that is, any intention that is ultimately for your highest good and the highest good of all involved) and say goodbye to resolution blues, which is about causing yourself to feel bad about resolutions you don't keep, and to feel good about ones you do.

1.You have to be fully aligned with what you say you want and what you are resolved to accomplish. If, every day, you replay images of yourself as not having your desired outcome or experience, or you replay what it feels like to not have what you are resolved about, you aren't as open to ways you can make it happen more easily as you might be and you are blocking the result from happening more readily, because you are focused on not having it, plus, not feeling good about yourself or life as you move through this process, which is, essentially, being in opposition to yourself.

You cannot be negatively focused and “charged” (“It’ll never work” or “I’m not deserving”) and affect positive change at the same time. A small shift from "this is awful" to "there is a way" does make a difference, simply because one closes you off to inspired ideas and actions, as well as receptive, attracting energy, and the other keeps you open to them and doing what’s required. Whether you call this energy or attitude management doesn’t matter; it's an important practice.

Sometimes anger is the motivation that moves people into action. That is a step up from hopeless or apathetic, but unconscious actions taken from anger are generally not the best ones to take. You might feed a need in the moment, but what do you intend to build long-term? How do you really feel once the anger need is satisfied? It's important to feel what you feel and let this motivate you, but is unconscious action based in anger your desired practice? Does your action, or speech, come from consciousness (the ability to accurately observe and assess what’s going on) and preserve integrity and moral rightness or does it deplete these? If you can act from justified anger (based on a true infringement on your Rights or the Rights of others) as your catalyst AND maintain morality (do no harm) and integrity, that’s different.

2.There are two ways to make a plan. One way is to be motivated by fear. This typically leads to long hours, agitated energy, bad moods, and lots of activity that may not actually be productive. You may be conditioned to believe that worry, strain, stress, frustration, criticism, and other such fear-based "motivators" are effective ways to create change, but how's that worked for you so far? How does it feel to be in and operate from that place?

It's imperative that you put your attention on what really creates shift. You've been told you can't succeed without a goal, strategy, or a plan. These are tools that help you stay on track, but they aren't what make things happen initially or keep you on the path. Kurt Wright wrote, “Commitment is a magnet.” Your intention, commitment, and aligned energy are what ignite forward motion and build momentum in you and cause what you desire or something better to happen.

This means that the better way to make a plan is to take a little time to get clear on what you really want, and your true Why, and align your energy and attitude in a way that keeps you open to inspired ideas and actions, right timing, right people, right opportunities, and right resources. This allows or causes you to make a plan you are in alignment with, as well as be in alignment with taking required actions you include in your plan. It supports the courage you need to get started and to keep going. This isn't pie-in-the-sky thinking. When you do this, you build a foundation that is so strong, you can aim at and go toward anything you truly desire that is in your and the greater best interest, because what you build is Self Trust, Self Esteem, Self Empowerment, and Self Reliance.

Whatever you tell yourself you want from your New Year resolutions or resolutions made at any time of the year, those four Self attributes are what lie underneath your reasons for wanting what you do or say you do. You want to do what is needed to believe in yourself completely and from an authentic perspective, not a perspective of trying to get the approval you desire from others, though that approval may (or may not) happen as a side-effect.

It is important that you know what is appropriate or inappropriate and fulfilling or unfulfilling for you, including you in the bigger picture. What's probably causing you to fizzle out is that you've never taken the time or the courageous stand to define what your ideals are for YOU in the different areas of your life. But I don’t mean just for you, as in solely service-to-self, but for you and in service-to-others and beyond, into service-to-Truth; hence, for the highest good of all involved. How can you go for what you really want if you don't even know what it is, or are afraid to state it even to yourself then claim it?

A resolution is only as good as your defined image of it (using your imagination productively and constructively), your commitment, your enthusiasm, your alignment with it, and your core underlying reason for wanting it, which is, ultimately, how you really want to feel as an individual and as an integral contributor to the reality you share with others. Start now. It's neither too early nor too late. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.     

      

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

How Do We Lose Our Way or Our Life Spark?

Have you ever felt that you’ve lost your way in life? That the spark you once felt has gone missing? What’s described here is at least part of the reason this happens.

Have you ever felt really good, that your energy was in a good place, at a good vibration, until you went around or interacted with someone whose energy was not up there with you? What happened to your energy vibration? More than likely, it lowered, maybe even went to the lower vibration of the other person. It can be a challenge to sustain a higher vibration when you engage with a person or people who experience a lower vibration, especially if that’s their practice.

Maybe you’ve been in a situation where you’re engaging one or more people and the conversation is predominantly, if not entirely, their complaining about something or everything. You might listen for a while, and get more and more uneasy as you feel your vibration dropping. So maybe you interject something positive, in the hope of raising the energy back up. It’s quite possible that they either look at you strangely or give you negative feedback about this because you’re not joining them readily at the lower vibration, which may annoy them. You mutually annoy each other because of the contrast of your energies.

The reality is that all of us have times when our vibration is higher or lower, depending on what’s going on and how we choose to perceive it and relate to it. And sometimes we need to reach out to others when we’re low. Depending on what we’re dealing with or coping with, it may feel challenging to even imagine a higher vibration, much less align with and feel it. But, it isn’t impossible to imagine you can reach and hold a higher vibration at some point. In fact, allow yourself to aspire to this just as soon as it feels appropriate to you to do so. It may assist you to keep what follows in mind.

Many of us have been indoctrinated with the belief that external experiences cause the good or serene feelings we desire in us, when in fact, it’s the other way around. The way we experience our external world has all to do with our internal perceptions, that is, what we tell ourselves about anything or anyone. If we have negative inner experiences, if we put our time and energy into lower vibration thoughts and feelings, we are not going to have desired experiences in our external world. We’ll have more of what we don’t want come to us, or our perceptions will run along this course, because that is where our energy, vibration, and emotions are, which means that’s what we’re giving our life force to. The non-judgmental laws of manifestation will match the vibration we give the most energy to or the inner plane we spend most of our time on. 

If you feel you’ve lost your way and that the spark has gone from your life, you’re definitely hanging around in lower vibrations and likely with people who hang out in lower vibrations, and you’re probably waiting for external experiences to ignite your inner spark again. If this is your approach, you may wait for a long time. You cannot expect to raise your vibration higher at the same time you put energy into lower-level thoughts. Something you need to keep in mind is that a belief is a thought you practice often or habitually. The more time and energy you give to a thought, the more momentum toward manifestation or continuance you build into that thought.

So what are you supposed to do to raise your vibration? First, don’t expect to zoom to the highest vibration in one fell swoop. It could happen, but it’s best if you don’t infringe that heavy expectation on yourself (or on another). An improvement is what you want to aim for. One of the surest ways I’ve found in my experience to calm my energy, thoughts, and emotions, and even-out my vibration so that it raises a bit when it’s lower is to make the statement you’ve likely heard or read often, including from me: Source, I trust and allow that you will fulfill the highest good of all involved regarding this situation.

This statement can allow you to relax, if you’ll allow this yourself, that is. When you relax, when you trust that the highest good of all involved will be done, even if you don’t understand all the dynamics, you calm your inner self, which raises your vibration from where it’s been. This begins to attract better experiences, and helps you to choose better perceptions.

Don’t hammer a negative thought. Do something else to get your mind off of it for a while. It is more important to first get into a good, higher vibration than to solve a problem or worry about it. Holding better thoughts will pull good things to you, often surprisingly quickly. The more you do this, the more you feel your spark begin to ignite back up and grow, because you will be in control of the only thing you can ever be in absolute control of: your vibration. Everything springs forth from this. The question is: Are you willing to find a way to be in control of your vibration?

Pay attention to what you feed your thoughts and emotions. Maybe take a vacation from watching the news, or if you’re going to follow the news, strengthen your metaphysical or spiritual understanding about reality. The same goes for subtle messages in commercials or any other media. If you must engage low-vibration people or information, use the remarkable tool in Dave Markowitz’s book Self-Care for the Self-Aware that recommends you imagine a keyhole at your heart chakra, or whichever chakra feels appropriate, and imagine the negativity moving into that opening and exiting out the back, so that you aren’t touched by it or absorb it as your own. If all you feed yourself or predominantly feed yourself is negativity, whether your own or that of others, you will feel you’ve lost your way or your spark, because your natural state is opposite of this; and THIS is why you feel as negative as you do: you’re going in the wrong direction. To be in or return to your natural state of fulfillment and joy, you must move in the direction of it.

Another method that will help is something I’ve recently started to practice, which was the result of an inner nudge from two sources: a novel and an attendee at an Abraham-Hicks event. In the novel, one of the characters was thought to have a more direct line to God when it came to prayers: Her prayers seemed genuinely effective or to result in miracles. Every night, she wrote, rather than said, her prayers. In the other nudge, the event attendee said he began the practice of writing thank-you notes or letters to the Universe ahead of receiving what he wished to receive, and that the results were phenomenal. I now have a notebook and pen handy to write down my own ahead-of-time thank-you notes to Source. Outcomes I’ve experienced since I began to do this are either seeing the desired results become experiences or feeling tremendous peace, calm, and trust about whatever outcome is for the highest good of myself and all involved. Use this to find your way when you feel lost and to reignite your inner life-force spark. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.      

  

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The Four Biggest Blocks to Manifestation and Life Experience Fulfillment

There are four main or typical ways you may practice that block your fulfilling manifestation and life experience. Learn what they are and what to do about them.

BLOCK 1: The first block is not asking for what you want at the start, or if you do ask, not asking in the correct way. In life, you usually have to ask for what you want, as you would at a restaurant, which means you have to know what you truly want. You don’t say, “Bring me seafood,” you state which dish you wish to enjoy. When it comes to the metaphysical approach, many spiritual disciplines provide versions of “Ask and you will receive,” but there is more to this, as you’ve probably discovered, and which I’ll explain.

We get that we need to ask when it comes to manifestation; but what usually happens is we think about what we want or need then jump into making a plan and or take immediate action, often because others expect us to or told us this is the way to act, or to appease our ego aspect, which more commonly waits to think about manifestation when desperate, rather than grasp that we’re manifesting already, all the time. We rush around, exhaust ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally (and even spiritually), and feel frustrated about minimal results, or the absence of any results. Thinking something that needs a solution or resolution “to death” or worrying about it is NOT asking.

An old adage says, “Sharpen the ax before you go to the tree.” Ask in the right way first. Example: “I am truly thankful for all that fulfills me and is fulfilled for me. If (insert your request) is in my highest good and the highest good of all involved, I ask this to be fulfilled, and I trust that it will be. While I wait to receive results or guidance about this, I choose to feel happy and serene now, and appreciative of this now moment and what I already have and have received, rather than wait to feel happy or serene or appreciative if or when I receive this or something even better.” You can shorten this and use your own words, but I want you to get the premise.

I know that many action-driven people might disagree, at first blush, with the above paragraphs. They (and we) have been taught that strategies and systems and actions are what responsible and successful people use and do, but we’re seldom taught how vital it is that we strengthen and trust our relationships with our Infinite Self and Source above all. Yet, these relationships are what are needed as our foundation under any idea or action. They are where real inner power comes from, and where highest-good fulfillments get put into motion in our lives. Too often, much too often, we attempt to do everything on our own, without the assistance of our Infinite Self and Source. I’m not saying you aren’t to take action, I’m saying align your Inner Energy before you take action, so that your action is Source- and Life-Energy-driven (inspired), not fear-based ego-driven.

BLOCK 2: Strife. Notice that the words happy, serene, and appreciative were included in the request shared above. Strife is a big problem when it comes to manifestation and life experience because the vibration or energy of fulfillment, the vibration or energy that allows and supports fulfillment, is calm and trusting. There’s no way around this. Judging anyone, anything, and ourselves is strife. Anxiety is strife. Anger is strife. Stressing is strife. Anything not supportive or serene, anything not a positive vibration, is strife.

We often call what we do “striving to succeed” or, perhaps even, to survive; but we’re really “strifing,” which will never result in the full success or fulfillment we desire. Strife blocks requested manifestation and life experience fulfillment, and creates more of what you don’t want, because what you don’t want is what you match your vibration to, so that’s what gets matched as your experience. If your ego wants to disagree with this, just consider your typical or consistent experiences and results. You can ask and ask (or plead or demand), but as long as strife instead of calm and trust is present, the energy of strife will push away the very results, resources, or relationships you wish to have in your life.

By the way, serenity doesn’t mean you’re so mellow you can’t function; it means your actions or non-actions, your words, your thoughts, and feelings are centered and fueled via your connection with your Infinite Self and Source, instead of spiking out and poking people’s eyes out, energetically speaking, that is. This is the Catch-22 it’s so easy for all of us to find ourselves engaged in. Fulfillment is way more about, first, Being than Doing. Be the vibration then take inspired, rather than desperate, action.

BLOCK 3: The third biggest block is doubt. Make your requests to Source and approach life free of doubt and self-doubt, that is, free of any doubts about your self-worth and what you deserve. Source supplies freely. Source doesn’t supply you or anyone based on what’s deserved, but will honor (match) what you believe about this. Doubts of any kind come from the ego that’s been affected by limiting beliefs, and are contrary to the truth of Source, your Infinite Self, and how Source set up the Creative Energy to work for and with you. Doubt and Trust cannot occupy the same space at the same time; and the one you FEEL more profoundly, is the one that gets matched.

Some manifestations are instant because everything is set up and ready to go, as soon as you ask and allow it, that is, have no resistance thoughts blocking it coming to you. Other requested manifestations are not in your highest good, or perhaps not in the highest good of all involved, so never happen, or if they happen, they don’t work out but are an opportunity for you to learn something. And some requests require a bit of time because more than just you is involved. While you wait, occupy yourself and your mind with positive and productive thoughts and inspired actions, and remain in a state of calm and trust. Do what you need to, to maintain serenity, happiness, and especially appreciation, each of which is a positive attracting or magnetic energy for what you ask for or something better. Do this despite what appearances are. Remind yourself of how you felt when something or something even better manifested for you before.

The more strife and doubt you stop practicing the more serene you’ll be. Obvious, but we miss it more often than we see it. To do this requires dedication to develop your strife-free, doubt-free inner power, and to practice this daily, so that you shift further and further away from ego’s insecurities that cause you to engage strife and doubt. If life or particular life areas don’t seem to be working out for you, it’s likely you’re allowing strife and doubt to clutch you in their grasp instead of you holding serenity and trust at your core. And maybe you’re practicing Block 4.

BLOCK 4: This one relates to the Jump program in the first “Matrix” movie, when Neo watches Morpheus leap the distance between two buildings, to demonstrate what’s possible. Morpheus tells Neo what’s needed to accomplish this: Free your mind. This is our hurdle, as well, when it comes to manifestation AND living in flow from the inside-out. We have to cross the hurdle of subconscious beliefs so entrenched in us that we don’t even realize how consistently we practice them.

This is why affirmations, made through the conscious mind, can have something of a “Fake it till you make it” thwart-factor for us. They don’t work or work as expected, because we can’t fake out our subconscious beliefs, which are the beliefs that drive our “bus”. Affirmations do work when we disassociate from a subconscious belief (I can’t leap like Morpheus) and embrace possibilities (He’s shown me what’s possible, what I’m capable of. If it’s in my highest good, I now allow it or something better to be so.). The leap can’t happen in our experience until it first happens in our mind.

This means we have to pay attention to our consistent thoughts. More specifically, to the QUALITY of ALL of our thoughts, so we get a sense of whether our subconscious is operating as a glass half empty or half full kind of belief system, whether that’s about abundance or lack, or acceptance or judgment, in all the various forms each appear as in our life. We have to observe how we think, that is, how we choose our thoughts deliberately or how we let them run amok. This all boils down to one important question: How much appreciation do you feel and choose to feel during the course of each day? Or, are the majority of your thoughts on a negative loop so familiar to you that you don’t even realize the tape is playing about any- and everything? This is major in its significance, and merits attention.

From Abraham-Hicks: You're always getting a perfect vibrational match to what you predominantly give your attention to. But you've got to make the best of it. You've got to vibrate slightly different from where you are if you are going to improve where you are. You can't keep taking score of where your business is or your relationship is or your body is without continuing to create it as it is. To make improvement, you've got to reach for a different thought.

Begin to practice looking at your blocked life areas to reveal whatever strife or doubt you may be engaging in. Ask for what you want, in the right way. Explore the thoughts that arise from your subconscious mind, or the tape loop that’s playing. It is your choice to either wear yourself out while you try to do everything yourself, and attempt this from a negative subconscious belief set, or to take the leap of belief and follow your path with Source as your companion, a path that leads to more effortless manifestation for your good and the highest good of all involved, as well as greater serenity, fulfillment, and joy. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

        

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer