Could a lesson from Super Nanny apply to you and your personal and professional life? If you feel stressed and overwhelmed… yeah.
The parents Super Nanny Jo Frost went to help were well-meaning—they wanted to give their children the best head start in life. Unfortunately, this meant not only school and homework hours for each child, but LOTS of additional activities to help them be well rounded individuals, as well.
Super Nanny pointed out two things:
Making their children engage so many activities meant the parents’ involvement with their children was minimized. Activities instead of TV were the babysitters. There was a real lack of quality time as a family.
The children were stressed out from being overburdened, which affected their behavior in a negative way.
Super Nanny did something that really drove point 2 home: she made a pile of objects that represented all the extra activities each child was enrolled in. There were books, drums, ballet shoes, sports shoes and equipment, and so on. The parents were instructed to put all the items that matched a child’s activities into each child’s arms. The children were instructed to make every effort to hold everything they were given. The visual effect of the children struggling to hold so much stuff that looked more like clutter than creativity was poignant. Finally, the little girl said, “I can’t keep holding all these!”
Super Nanny’s solution was to have the parents choose one activity they felt very strongly their children should engage and each child was told to pick one activity they really wanted to keep or to pick a new one. And, the parents were instructed on how to better engage as a family.
Your arms might be bigger than the little girl’s, but how would the load look that you may be trying to carry? Is it comfortable, stacked past your chin, straining your arms, falling from your grip? The parents had encumbered their children with extra activities without including choice in the mix. In your life, at least some of what you expect yourself to do is imposed by you and no one else; but you also want to consider who’s put what onto your shoulders and why.
How might this Nanny lesson apply to you?
You’re probably as well-meaning as the parents and really want to give yourself what you “believe” you need (in your opinion or that of others), possibly, whether your soul self really wants it or not.
You may have made yourself so busy that there’s little time for you and other parts of your life to get what’s needed for your personal and soul-self benefit.
You may have so many things to do or believe need to get done, your relationships suffer—the most important one being the relationship you have with yourself. Too much to do is one way many use to avoid looking at what’s out of balance in their life.
You may be so stressed or tired that you’re cranky or worse.
You may struggle to keep everything “in your arms” and fear dropping something or everything, and are possibly concerned with how you might appear to others if you let go of some things that aren’t working for you rather than how letting some go might enhance your life and well being.
Marcus Aurelius said, "Most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?’” Super Nanny isn’t super because she does a lot, but because she focuses on what’s important so she can be effective and effect improvements that change lives in a positive way.
The gift download on my website, “focus: A simplicity manifesto in the Age of Distraction,” is one I’m pleased to provide because it ties in perfectly with Super Nanny’s point about the need to simplify—not solely from the too-much-to-do syndrome, but also the issue of multiple distractions that pull us off focus, not just on work but also on the other areas in our lives. The author of “focus”, Leo Babauta, wrote about overwhelm and addiction created by our new technological age, and how so many of us don’t even realize the impact on our lives because of it. Even if we don’t see it, we do sense it.
This week, maybe pay attention to when you feel stretched or stretched too thin. What’s causing this feeling? Is it a fact that you’re overburdened? If so, what solution are you willing to engage? Is it that you burden yourself with too much thinking rather than productive action? Over-thinking is a great avoidance tactic: It allows us to believe we’re being productive when we aren’t.
Eliminate and manage any distractions and extra tasks you can, and that make sense to shed, to simplify your life and reduce overwhelm, if that’s your choice.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation is live! Gabriella Kortsch-“Entering the Now Moment by Leaving Unawareness Behind”; Guy Finley-“Stop Fear Before It Gets Started!”; “In the Mist” By poet Wendi Romero: http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Showing posts with label overwhelm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overwhelm. Show all posts
Friday, September 9, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
What Should You Be Doing?
I Will Not Should on Myself Today
How ready and able we are to beat up on ourselves! “I will not should on myself today” would benefit many as a new mantra.
A coaching client, who is a solo business person, provided lessons for many by sharing “should” challenges a number of people contend with in their personal, as well as professional lives. Three big “shoulds” showed up for her. You’ve probably experienced at least one of them, in one form or another.
Should 1 convinced her to sit at her computer all day and into the night for three weeks straight, and not productively for the most part, mostly hoping something good would happen—no outings; no mental, emotional, physical, or creative time off. All that time, and nothing shifted in a positive direction. Law of Attraction proves that what you focus on you get more of. A better statement is HOW you focus is what you get more of. Right now, as you read this, make your own mental list of what was likely attracted into her life or amplified during those weeks. More of the same, for sure. Are you currently doing this in one or more areas of your own life?
Should 2 convinced her to believe the way to improve her circumstances and experiences was to focus 24/7 on her home-based creative business—let me change the word “focus” to “dwell on”—there’s a big difference between the two. This “should” is filled with stress and strain, yes? Yes. Was her focus on productive ways and actions to achieve desired outcomes during reasonable work hours, or was she worn out mentally—even burned out from the weight of this kind of thinking? Sure, she had some creative, inspired moments in the mix and some productive outcomes; but most of her thoughts ran like this: “Nothing’s working the way I want it to. What am I doing wrong? Why is this happening? Why is this so hard? When is this ever going to change in my favor?!”—Whew! Using Law of Attraction principles, you can see what her day-to-day experience was like, from dawn to dark. Are you dwelling on similar questions about one or more areas of your own personal or professional life? Dwelling on and acting on create very different results.
Should 3 convinced her that anytime she attempted to focus on a personal project that felt fulfilling to her or anything other than work, her Inner Critic should nag her. What happened was rather than engage with her self and a project fully, she engaged in an inner battle with the Inner Critic—a battle between what she “should” be doing and what she felt inspired and motivated to do at that time. These battles used up her time and energy; wore her out and wore her down. Creative projects inspire. They bring joy and fulfillment by virtue of meeting a creative challenge. For her, this inner battle meant nothing she did was joyful; nothing got completed—except for her feeling completely frustrated. When you consider the Law of Attraction factor here, what you get is a big Ouch! I suggested more fun be included in her life (very attractive to LOA!)—and, not just doing fun things—engaging her own inner fun about whatever she sets out to accomplish.
We think that such stress and strain can be hidden from others (our own private hell), but it leaks from our energetic pores—it pushes people and desired outcomes away like bad body odor. That’s graphic, but true. It shows in our face, our body language, our attitude. It creates a vicious cycle: we want or need to improve something in our lives; but instead of exploring appropriate actions and taking them so we can give outcomes a chance to show up (including fun and recharge times that stimulate creative productivity), we wallow and fret in our minds—which never, ever creates positive experiences and outcomes. And, this casts many people into the dark land known as I Don’t Deserve Anything Better.
We seem to walk on a tightrope when it comes to how we believe we “should” perceive ourselves, which is what generates and amplifies beliefs about what we deserve. It’s kind of like the story of Goldilocks—if we have too high an opinion of ourselves, the “porridge” is too hot. Too low, the “porridge” is too cold. Yet, we can’t seem to allow ourselves to sit in the chair where the “porridge” is just right. Why is this? It’s because we were convinced by others (who also believe this) that the assessment of who we are, how well we’re doing, and what we deserve must be decided by others, not us. We ignore the fact that allowing the opinions of others to define us and what we deserve has never worked and never will; and, in fact, keeps us understandably confused and stifles our natural inclination to explore what fulfills us, to discover and live what makes us feel like just-right porridge.
Every one of us “shoulds” on ourself from time to time. The next time you catch yourself about to do this, stop and ask, “Who am I trying to please?” The best answer, of course, is you! And in that case, you really do know what would please you, so follow your inner wisdom. We’re not talking about running amok here with irresponsible behaviors. We’re talking about you living YOUR life without resisting what feels appropriate, productive, and fulfilling for you.
Shoulding on yourself seldom creates results, it creates a mess. If you feel the need to should on you, relevant resistance is trying to get your attention. Really—if there’s something you must do, you do it—free of shoulds. A “should” is a Stop sign: take a moment to look at it. If you should be doing whatever, why aren’t you; and what would have to happen at the inner level in order for you to do it? Or, maybe you shouldn’t do what you tell yourself you should. During the call with my client, she revealed that her intuition is always correct, but her Inner Critic tries to convince her otherwise with guilt-laden shoulds. I shared a quote with her by Goethe that brought tears to her eyes: “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” That we weren’t taught to trust ourselves is a good reason so many do “struggle” as a way of life instead of discovery and fulfillment.
Consider if any of your “shoulds” have merit and go from there, but don’t engage in a battle with them. Shift “I should” to “I will” or “I won’t.” “I should” has no power behind it; “I will” and “I won’t” do. Include your right to have fun at the inner and outer levels of your life. You’ll have a far better Law-of-Attraction result with this approach.
What does the Infinite Creative Consciousness—the final word in all things—say you deserve? All the GOOD you can use and enjoy! But, you have to agree to invite it into your state of mind. Your good will knock; it may put a foot across the threshold, but it won’t enter your life fully without your permission.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation issue is especially powerful: http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
How ready and able we are to beat up on ourselves! “I will not should on myself today” would benefit many as a new mantra.
A coaching client, who is a solo business person, provided lessons for many by sharing “should” challenges a number of people contend with in their personal, as well as professional lives. Three big “shoulds” showed up for her. You’ve probably experienced at least one of them, in one form or another.
Should 1 convinced her to sit at her computer all day and into the night for three weeks straight, and not productively for the most part, mostly hoping something good would happen—no outings; no mental, emotional, physical, or creative time off. All that time, and nothing shifted in a positive direction. Law of Attraction proves that what you focus on you get more of. A better statement is HOW you focus is what you get more of. Right now, as you read this, make your own mental list of what was likely attracted into her life or amplified during those weeks. More of the same, for sure. Are you currently doing this in one or more areas of your own life?
Should 2 convinced her to believe the way to improve her circumstances and experiences was to focus 24/7 on her home-based creative business—let me change the word “focus” to “dwell on”—there’s a big difference between the two. This “should” is filled with stress and strain, yes? Yes. Was her focus on productive ways and actions to achieve desired outcomes during reasonable work hours, or was she worn out mentally—even burned out from the weight of this kind of thinking? Sure, she had some creative, inspired moments in the mix and some productive outcomes; but most of her thoughts ran like this: “Nothing’s working the way I want it to. What am I doing wrong? Why is this happening? Why is this so hard? When is this ever going to change in my favor?!”—Whew! Using Law of Attraction principles, you can see what her day-to-day experience was like, from dawn to dark. Are you dwelling on similar questions about one or more areas of your own personal or professional life? Dwelling on and acting on create very different results.
Should 3 convinced her that anytime she attempted to focus on a personal project that felt fulfilling to her or anything other than work, her Inner Critic should nag her. What happened was rather than engage with her self and a project fully, she engaged in an inner battle with the Inner Critic—a battle between what she “should” be doing and what she felt inspired and motivated to do at that time. These battles used up her time and energy; wore her out and wore her down. Creative projects inspire. They bring joy and fulfillment by virtue of meeting a creative challenge. For her, this inner battle meant nothing she did was joyful; nothing got completed—except for her feeling completely frustrated. When you consider the Law of Attraction factor here, what you get is a big Ouch! I suggested more fun be included in her life (very attractive to LOA!)—and, not just doing fun things—engaging her own inner fun about whatever she sets out to accomplish.
We think that such stress and strain can be hidden from others (our own private hell), but it leaks from our energetic pores—it pushes people and desired outcomes away like bad body odor. That’s graphic, but true. It shows in our face, our body language, our attitude. It creates a vicious cycle: we want or need to improve something in our lives; but instead of exploring appropriate actions and taking them so we can give outcomes a chance to show up (including fun and recharge times that stimulate creative productivity), we wallow and fret in our minds—which never, ever creates positive experiences and outcomes. And, this casts many people into the dark land known as I Don’t Deserve Anything Better.
We seem to walk on a tightrope when it comes to how we believe we “should” perceive ourselves, which is what generates and amplifies beliefs about what we deserve. It’s kind of like the story of Goldilocks—if we have too high an opinion of ourselves, the “porridge” is too hot. Too low, the “porridge” is too cold. Yet, we can’t seem to allow ourselves to sit in the chair where the “porridge” is just right. Why is this? It’s because we were convinced by others (who also believe this) that the assessment of who we are, how well we’re doing, and what we deserve must be decided by others, not us. We ignore the fact that allowing the opinions of others to define us and what we deserve has never worked and never will; and, in fact, keeps us understandably confused and stifles our natural inclination to explore what fulfills us, to discover and live what makes us feel like just-right porridge.
Every one of us “shoulds” on ourself from time to time. The next time you catch yourself about to do this, stop and ask, “Who am I trying to please?” The best answer, of course, is you! And in that case, you really do know what would please you, so follow your inner wisdom. We’re not talking about running amok here with irresponsible behaviors. We’re talking about you living YOUR life without resisting what feels appropriate, productive, and fulfilling for you.
Shoulding on yourself seldom creates results, it creates a mess. If you feel the need to should on you, relevant resistance is trying to get your attention. Really—if there’s something you must do, you do it—free of shoulds. A “should” is a Stop sign: take a moment to look at it. If you should be doing whatever, why aren’t you; and what would have to happen at the inner level in order for you to do it? Or, maybe you shouldn’t do what you tell yourself you should. During the call with my client, she revealed that her intuition is always correct, but her Inner Critic tries to convince her otherwise with guilt-laden shoulds. I shared a quote with her by Goethe that brought tears to her eyes: “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” That we weren’t taught to trust ourselves is a good reason so many do “struggle” as a way of life instead of discovery and fulfillment.
Consider if any of your “shoulds” have merit and go from there, but don’t engage in a battle with them. Shift “I should” to “I will” or “I won’t.” “I should” has no power behind it; “I will” and “I won’t” do. Include your right to have fun at the inner and outer levels of your life. You’ll have a far better Law-of-Attraction result with this approach.
What does the Infinite Creative Consciousness—the final word in all things—say you deserve? All the GOOD you can use and enjoy! But, you have to agree to invite it into your state of mind. Your good will knock; it may put a foot across the threshold, but it won’t enter your life fully without your permission.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s State of Appreciation issue is especially powerful: http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Friday, August 5, 2011
7 Tips to Manage Overwhelm
Overwhelm blocks productivity, creativity, enjoyment… and even income! You can begin to improve this starting today.
In my article, “What Does Feeling Overwhelmed Really Mean?”, I mentioned I’d created a mind map. Since then, I revisited my mind map and removed a few things listed there. They’re terrific ideas, but they don’t really “crank my tractor.” This is something you might keep in mind, too.
I’m something of a list addict—okay, maybe list maniac is more like it. Over the years, I’ve revised how I manage my lists so I don’t overwhelm myself with them and what’s on them—though, I can still get carried away when ideas flow. It may look messy or imprecise to others, but it’s a system that works for me.
Here are 7 tips to help you manage or prevent overwhelm, especially for those of you who are list addicts too or don’t like lists and, perhaps, operate a bit on the disorganized side.
1. Stop looking at your physical or mental to-do list and focusing on what isn’t getting done. Key Lesson: To-do lists are to help you focus, not hold you hostage.
2. When you feel overwhelmed by your list, either your energy and enthusiasm fold up and you do nothing or you run yourself ragged trying to clear items from the list—usually non-essential items instead of priorities. You do this to, hopefully, make that darn list smaller! But, of course, you continue to add items to your list, and you feel like you don’t make any real headway. As soon as you catch yourself doing either of these or about to, stop! And, go to the next tip.
3. Prioritize! This may mean numbering items in order of importance or noting which are actually priorities (essential) and which aren’t (not essential).
4. Dump some of the non-essential to-do items—or all of them—or give them to someone else to do, for pay or not, depending on the situation.
5. Give about an hour a week to your to-do list to categorize items as Priority, Not A Priority But Needs Doing, and Non-Essential. Decide which priority or priorities will have your attention that week and decide on which days you’ll focus on which priorities. Include some time for non-priority items that do need to be completed by you or will create personal fulfillment.
6. Remember to take breaks. Get up and move around or do something else for 5 to 10 minutes every hour. (When you focus on projects or tasks, eliminate as many interruptions as it’s realistic to do.) Be sure to take at least one full day each week (two is better), when you do nothing work-related, including thinking about anything work-related. This can make a huge difference in energy, enthusiasm, creativity, and yes, even in income. If you’re self-employed, stress from overwhelm can push success away from you. If employed, being productive, rather than frazzled and behind in your work, can justify pay raises, in your mind and your employer’s.
7. Adjust your attitude. Find a way to make whatever you do a creative challenge for you, whatever that looks or feels like to you. “Martyrs” don’t have fun and aren’t fun to be around. If what you have to do isn’t pleasant, why are you doing it? Sometimes you have to do the unpleasant tasks, but sometimes you don’t. It also helps attitude to consider if what you do will be a genuine help to someone who relies on you for valid reasons. If you switched places with them, what attitude would you hope the other person demonstrated?
Another contributor to overwhelm is when your actions don’t show immediate results. You might give up or change course instead of look at what’s going on and what might lead to desired results. Impatience makes you chase lots of flashy things that seem to say, “Try me! Try me!” This is a big reason why success gets stalled—this, plus too many people believe they have to get it “right” and strike it big right away rather than improve and build gradually.
Overwhelm leads to lack of faith in yourself, leads to lack of faith that your desired result is possible. You may flip back and forth between, “This will work” and “This will never work,” which is stacking another form of overwhelm atop what’s already there. Overwhelm can lead you to undervalue you and what you offer—and even those you offer it to.
Really look at what your priorities are—what can actually lead to desired results. Really look at what aren’t priorities. Is there anything on your list that is a terrific idea but just doesn’t float your boat about doing it (and the decision to do it is yours alone)? Delete any of these you know you could or should, or recruit someone to handle them for you, if you truly believe they need to happen. But, don’t convince yourself non-essential items, or uninspiring ones, have to be done just because you wrote them down.
Keep in mind that life seldom happens in a straight line. Neither does goal or dream setting and getting. A plan-of-action helps you stay the course and get back on course when detours show up. You don’t have to be “perfectly” organized, but you benefit if you have a system that helps you be better organized, in a way that works for you.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.
End procrastination and achieve desired change in a 2-month online course (see website) with Joyce Shafer, Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, & publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter promoting a blend of practical & spiritual approaches to life for personal development and self-realization. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at http://www.stateofappreciation.webs.com/
In my article, “What Does Feeling Overwhelmed Really Mean?”, I mentioned I’d created a mind map. Since then, I revisited my mind map and removed a few things listed there. They’re terrific ideas, but they don’t really “crank my tractor.” This is something you might keep in mind, too.
I’m something of a list addict—okay, maybe list maniac is more like it. Over the years, I’ve revised how I manage my lists so I don’t overwhelm myself with them and what’s on them—though, I can still get carried away when ideas flow. It may look messy or imprecise to others, but it’s a system that works for me.
Here are 7 tips to help you manage or prevent overwhelm, especially for those of you who are list addicts too or don’t like lists and, perhaps, operate a bit on the disorganized side.
1. Stop looking at your physical or mental to-do list and focusing on what isn’t getting done. Key Lesson: To-do lists are to help you focus, not hold you hostage.
2. When you feel overwhelmed by your list, either your energy and enthusiasm fold up and you do nothing or you run yourself ragged trying to clear items from the list—usually non-essential items instead of priorities. You do this to, hopefully, make that darn list smaller! But, of course, you continue to add items to your list, and you feel like you don’t make any real headway. As soon as you catch yourself doing either of these or about to, stop! And, go to the next tip.
3. Prioritize! This may mean numbering items in order of importance or noting which are actually priorities (essential) and which aren’t (not essential).
4. Dump some of the non-essential to-do items—or all of them—or give them to someone else to do, for pay or not, depending on the situation.
5. Give about an hour a week to your to-do list to categorize items as Priority, Not A Priority But Needs Doing, and Non-Essential. Decide which priority or priorities will have your attention that week and decide on which days you’ll focus on which priorities. Include some time for non-priority items that do need to be completed by you or will create personal fulfillment.
6. Remember to take breaks. Get up and move around or do something else for 5 to 10 minutes every hour. (When you focus on projects or tasks, eliminate as many interruptions as it’s realistic to do.) Be sure to take at least one full day each week (two is better), when you do nothing work-related, including thinking about anything work-related. This can make a huge difference in energy, enthusiasm, creativity, and yes, even in income. If you’re self-employed, stress from overwhelm can push success away from you. If employed, being productive, rather than frazzled and behind in your work, can justify pay raises, in your mind and your employer’s.
7. Adjust your attitude. Find a way to make whatever you do a creative challenge for you, whatever that looks or feels like to you. “Martyrs” don’t have fun and aren’t fun to be around. If what you have to do isn’t pleasant, why are you doing it? Sometimes you have to do the unpleasant tasks, but sometimes you don’t. It also helps attitude to consider if what you do will be a genuine help to someone who relies on you for valid reasons. If you switched places with them, what attitude would you hope the other person demonstrated?
Another contributor to overwhelm is when your actions don’t show immediate results. You might give up or change course instead of look at what’s going on and what might lead to desired results. Impatience makes you chase lots of flashy things that seem to say, “Try me! Try me!” This is a big reason why success gets stalled—this, plus too many people believe they have to get it “right” and strike it big right away rather than improve and build gradually.
Overwhelm leads to lack of faith in yourself, leads to lack of faith that your desired result is possible. You may flip back and forth between, “This will work” and “This will never work,” which is stacking another form of overwhelm atop what’s already there. Overwhelm can lead you to undervalue you and what you offer—and even those you offer it to.
Really look at what your priorities are—what can actually lead to desired results. Really look at what aren’t priorities. Is there anything on your list that is a terrific idea but just doesn’t float your boat about doing it (and the decision to do it is yours alone)? Delete any of these you know you could or should, or recruit someone to handle them for you, if you truly believe they need to happen. But, don’t convince yourself non-essential items, or uninspiring ones, have to be done just because you wrote them down.
Keep in mind that life seldom happens in a straight line. Neither does goal or dream setting and getting. A plan-of-action helps you stay the course and get back on course when detours show up. You don’t have to be “perfectly” organized, but you benefit if you have a system that helps you be better organized, in a way that works for you.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.
End procrastination and achieve desired change in a 2-month online course (see website) with Joyce Shafer, Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, & publisher of State of Appreciation, a free weekly online newsletter promoting a blend of practical & spiritual approaches to life for personal development and self-realization. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at http://www.stateofappreciation.webs.com/
Friday, July 29, 2011
What Does Feeling Overwhelmed Really Mean?
There are two types of overwhelm: the type that’s triggered by external events and the type you self-impose. Both can be managed with the same technique.
“I’m overwhelmed,” was my client’s first comment. You’ve been in that state of mind, and so have I. And, that’s what’s important to understand—overwhelm is a state of mind, not an actual event.
Let’s look at a parallel situation. Say you’re hosting a holiday dinner, maybe for the first time, maybe not. Very few people, though there are some, would go to the store and push a cart up and down the aisles, believing the meal plan will come together for them as they do this. Most of us would hit overwhelm pretty quickly, especially if we want the meal to be a good one and the preparation to go smoothly.
You could avoid that overwhelm by sitting down with paper and pen, deciding on what’s to be served, what you have already, and what you need to get. At some point you might even write out a plan of when to start preparing each food item, when to set the table or lay out what your guests will use. You might even recruit helpers. You may feel somewhat anxious on the day because you want everything to go well, but you won’t feel overwhelmed—because you have a plan with steps to take—a strategy. And, yes, something unexpected may happen that makes your plan wobble, but it’s easier to address a wobble if what needs to be done is clear to you.
Any dream or goal, whether for business or personal fulfillment, deserves a strategy session. You’re told to take action and to take it fast. That works well for inspired ideas—ones that happen in a flash and create a particular feeling inside you when you get the idea and while you act on it. The rest of your ideas need some time spent on them so you know which actions to take, both the initial time you consider this plus some revisits and revisions, until you achieve your desired outcome.
Sometimes, people procrastinate because they don’t practice using a strategy. The longer this continues the more fear stops them in their tracks, possibly for years, until they no longer believe in their ability to go after what they desire. I share such a story on the End Procrastination page on my website.
Back to my client . . . when I asked her what her overwhelmed feeling was about, she shared something new she’s moving forward in her business and several other personal projects she feels strongly about. We discussed her need to spend productive time with each project, the need for research, when her most productive work time of the day is, and the need for her to create a list of what she is to work on each day—created the night before. We included flexibility to act on inspired ideas if they show up and want to bump her original plan over short-term.
She also had the thought, as many do, that maybe she should work on all of her ideas at once (which was part of the cause of her overwhelm); so, we discussed prioritizing. Years back I worked for someone who brought me three “priority” projects at once. I asked, “Which would you like completed first?” His answer was, “All of them.” I handled that situation; but you can see that you might do this to yourself, might think you have to work on everything at once, which is impossible, isn’t productive, and puts you into a state of self-imposed overwhelm.
I created a mind map. At the center is my core (business) purpose, what I choose to provide/create. I drew lines out from the core and added more circles at the end of each line that include ways I want to fulfill my core purpose. Each circle requires a strategy. Each circle can have its own mind map, if needed. Everything listed on that map is directly related to the core purpose. Some of the items are ones I do weekly. The others are prioritized and re-prioritized when I add new ideas or feel a particular inspiration about them.
Some of you may have an aversion to mapping out a strategy. For some of you, the absence of a strategy may work—it’s rare, but it does happen for a few people, like shopping for a major dinner without a list and it works out. If you don’t fit into that rare category, you need a strategy, a plan, a map—call it whatever you want to that makes you feel on board with the process, but give yourself and your project(s) the time deserved so you know what you’re doing, why, when, and so on. Otherwise, you’ll stay crazy-busy being active, but not productive; or maybe you’ll be somewhat productive but also crazed by the activity involved and the undone items you feel looming. You’ll exhaust and overwhelm yourself, when you don’t have to. You’ll also move toward your desired result steadily, with fewer starts and stops.
Steadily . . . One of the external causes of overwhelm these days is a result of some of the marketing going on where individuals lead you to believe you have to aim at becoming a gazillionaire overnight or by next week. How about letting those ideas go and just focus on creating a foundation of action so you get started and move forward consistently.
Whether part of your purpose is to generate income or not, let how you can make a difference with each item listed—before a dollar (or praise)—guide you as you map out your strategy.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
“I’m overwhelmed,” was my client’s first comment. You’ve been in that state of mind, and so have I. And, that’s what’s important to understand—overwhelm is a state of mind, not an actual event.
Let’s look at a parallel situation. Say you’re hosting a holiday dinner, maybe for the first time, maybe not. Very few people, though there are some, would go to the store and push a cart up and down the aisles, believing the meal plan will come together for them as they do this. Most of us would hit overwhelm pretty quickly, especially if we want the meal to be a good one and the preparation to go smoothly.
You could avoid that overwhelm by sitting down with paper and pen, deciding on what’s to be served, what you have already, and what you need to get. At some point you might even write out a plan of when to start preparing each food item, when to set the table or lay out what your guests will use. You might even recruit helpers. You may feel somewhat anxious on the day because you want everything to go well, but you won’t feel overwhelmed—because you have a plan with steps to take—a strategy. And, yes, something unexpected may happen that makes your plan wobble, but it’s easier to address a wobble if what needs to be done is clear to you.
Any dream or goal, whether for business or personal fulfillment, deserves a strategy session. You’re told to take action and to take it fast. That works well for inspired ideas—ones that happen in a flash and create a particular feeling inside you when you get the idea and while you act on it. The rest of your ideas need some time spent on them so you know which actions to take, both the initial time you consider this plus some revisits and revisions, until you achieve your desired outcome.
Sometimes, people procrastinate because they don’t practice using a strategy. The longer this continues the more fear stops them in their tracks, possibly for years, until they no longer believe in their ability to go after what they desire. I share such a story on the End Procrastination page on my website.
Back to my client . . . when I asked her what her overwhelmed feeling was about, she shared something new she’s moving forward in her business and several other personal projects she feels strongly about. We discussed her need to spend productive time with each project, the need for research, when her most productive work time of the day is, and the need for her to create a list of what she is to work on each day—created the night before. We included flexibility to act on inspired ideas if they show up and want to bump her original plan over short-term.
She also had the thought, as many do, that maybe she should work on all of her ideas at once (which was part of the cause of her overwhelm); so, we discussed prioritizing. Years back I worked for someone who brought me three “priority” projects at once. I asked, “Which would you like completed first?” His answer was, “All of them.” I handled that situation; but you can see that you might do this to yourself, might think you have to work on everything at once, which is impossible, isn’t productive, and puts you into a state of self-imposed overwhelm.
I created a mind map. At the center is my core (business) purpose, what I choose to provide/create. I drew lines out from the core and added more circles at the end of each line that include ways I want to fulfill my core purpose. Each circle requires a strategy. Each circle can have its own mind map, if needed. Everything listed on that map is directly related to the core purpose. Some of the items are ones I do weekly. The others are prioritized and re-prioritized when I add new ideas or feel a particular inspiration about them.
Some of you may have an aversion to mapping out a strategy. For some of you, the absence of a strategy may work—it’s rare, but it does happen for a few people, like shopping for a major dinner without a list and it works out. If you don’t fit into that rare category, you need a strategy, a plan, a map—call it whatever you want to that makes you feel on board with the process, but give yourself and your project(s) the time deserved so you know what you’re doing, why, when, and so on. Otherwise, you’ll stay crazy-busy being active, but not productive; or maybe you’ll be somewhat productive but also crazed by the activity involved and the undone items you feel looming. You’ll exhaust and overwhelm yourself, when you don’t have to. You’ll also move toward your desired result steadily, with fewer starts and stops.
Steadily . . . One of the external causes of overwhelm these days is a result of some of the marketing going on where individuals lead you to believe you have to aim at becoming a gazillionaire overnight or by next week. How about letting those ideas go and just focus on creating a foundation of action so you get started and move forward consistently.
Whether part of your purpose is to generate income or not, let how you can make a difference with each item listed—before a dollar (or praise)—guide you as you map out your strategy.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.
Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com) is a Life Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/e-books, and publisher of a free weekly online newsletter that connects people with information, resources, and others aligned with enhancing and expanding spiritual Truth in their personal and business lives. Receive a free PDF of How to Have What You REALLY Want when you subscribe at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Friday, August 27, 2010
Is It Your Strategy or Your Thinking That Is the Issue?
Maybe you’re looking for T.H.E. strategy that will create the shift you desire in your life. But if you’re using Stinkin’ Thinkin’, you’ll stay frustrated.
“Just show me the strategy that will create my desired outcome!” you say.
Here’s a question: Have you fully decided to succeed, win, shift, be happy—whatever your wording is here—or have you decided to embrace struggle?
If that question sounds counterintuitive, I ask you, what are you feeling and experiencing right now? Is it aligned with a successful outcome, or struggle and frustration? If you aren’t aligned with success or your desired outcome, by default you are aligned with struggle.
You may not know every step to take, but you know a good number of steps right now; but lets put steps aside for now. If nothing is shifting, it’s because of how you’re thinking. You can follow the world’s most foolproof, sure-thing strategy or method, but if your thinking, your focus is about failing, you haven’t decided to succeed. And be clear: this decision is not energized with struggle, etc. It’s positive and empowered by this.
If you’re frustrated, confused, stressed . . . maybe you need to get angry—not massively, just a bit will do . . . just enough to pull yourself out of mental and emotional stagnation. Just enough to say, “Maybe I don’t have all the answers right now, but I decide NOW to align with what I truly desire rather than what I don’t.” When you are 100 percent aligned with having it, it’s yours.
Lynne Forrest says in her book, Guiding Principles For Life Beyond Victim Consciousness: “The more we resist something the bigger it gets.” She suggests we question our thoughts and beliefs rather than trust they’re true. Even when we kind of know to do this, we still let negative thoughts that create negative feelings go unquestioned, unchallenged.
If you’ve been running around in mental circles trying to figure out what you can do about something, or you’re taking action of the busywork kind rather than action that leads to your desired outcome, how about if you just stop for a short while. Why stop? So you can relax enough to see how you are embracing struggle and are standing outside of your true power . . . so you can question a few thoughts and beliefs that don’t support you.
Running around like crazy (especially in your mind) is not powerful. It depletes your power and energy, as you already know.
Here’s a T.H.E. type of thing that many are not using as a strategy: Having Fun—more fun with your life, fun with your business, fun with your relationships, fun with whatever you do during your day.
Maybe you don’t take real time off each week. When you have non-working moments, what are you doing? You’re Stressing! During your working moments, what are you doing? You’re stressing!
Stress, struggle, frustration are not what you want to direct Law of Manifestation to send you more of. And it really, really won’t argue with you. It will just follow your energy as instructions as what you expect more of—and it’ll obediently send it your way.
Venting is something we all need to do so we can hear what we’re thinking, and so our feelings can be validated (we hope) by others who care about us. Complaining is not venting; and the more you repeat the same material to yourself and/or others, the more you get to experience more of the same. The Law of Manifestation works that way. There is no way around that.
If you’re wondering how you can possibly feel happy when your life or some aspect of it is not where you want it to be, get a little bit angry—just enough to move yourself up a notch from where you are now, if that’s what it takes for you to make a better choice. Whatever is going on is going on. What you’re thinking about it is up to you. Find what works for you to get into that happier inner place, which is the energy that attracts manifestation of desired outcomes.
Look at your thoughts and beliefs, and if one occurs like, “Geez, I haven’t been . . .” regarding what you could’ve been doing but haven’t, shift it to, “I think it’s a very good idea to now . . .”
Make the decision: Struggle or Success? Commit. Be flexible. Have fun. Relax. Rest. Challenge your Stinkin’ Thinkin’ more than it challenges you.
You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s EmPOWER-packed issue of State of Appreciation is now live at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
“Just show me the strategy that will create my desired outcome!” you say.
Here’s a question: Have you fully decided to succeed, win, shift, be happy—whatever your wording is here—or have you decided to embrace struggle?
If that question sounds counterintuitive, I ask you, what are you feeling and experiencing right now? Is it aligned with a successful outcome, or struggle and frustration? If you aren’t aligned with success or your desired outcome, by default you are aligned with struggle.
You may not know every step to take, but you know a good number of steps right now; but lets put steps aside for now. If nothing is shifting, it’s because of how you’re thinking. You can follow the world’s most foolproof, sure-thing strategy or method, but if your thinking, your focus is about failing, you haven’t decided to succeed. And be clear: this decision is not energized with struggle, etc. It’s positive and empowered by this.
If you’re frustrated, confused, stressed . . . maybe you need to get angry—not massively, just a bit will do . . . just enough to pull yourself out of mental and emotional stagnation. Just enough to say, “Maybe I don’t have all the answers right now, but I decide NOW to align with what I truly desire rather than what I don’t.” When you are 100 percent aligned with having it, it’s yours.
Lynne Forrest says in her book, Guiding Principles For Life Beyond Victim Consciousness: “The more we resist something the bigger it gets.” She suggests we question our thoughts and beliefs rather than trust they’re true. Even when we kind of know to do this, we still let negative thoughts that create negative feelings go unquestioned, unchallenged.
If you’ve been running around in mental circles trying to figure out what you can do about something, or you’re taking action of the busywork kind rather than action that leads to your desired outcome, how about if you just stop for a short while. Why stop? So you can relax enough to see how you are embracing struggle and are standing outside of your true power . . . so you can question a few thoughts and beliefs that don’t support you.
Running around like crazy (especially in your mind) is not powerful. It depletes your power and energy, as you already know.
Here’s a T.H.E. type of thing that many are not using as a strategy: Having Fun—more fun with your life, fun with your business, fun with your relationships, fun with whatever you do during your day.
Maybe you don’t take real time off each week. When you have non-working moments, what are you doing? You’re Stressing! During your working moments, what are you doing? You’re stressing!
Stress, struggle, frustration are not what you want to direct Law of Manifestation to send you more of. And it really, really won’t argue with you. It will just follow your energy as instructions as what you expect more of—and it’ll obediently send it your way.
Venting is something we all need to do so we can hear what we’re thinking, and so our feelings can be validated (we hope) by others who care about us. Complaining is not venting; and the more you repeat the same material to yourself and/or others, the more you get to experience more of the same. The Law of Manifestation works that way. There is no way around that.
If you’re wondering how you can possibly feel happy when your life or some aspect of it is not where you want it to be, get a little bit angry—just enough to move yourself up a notch from where you are now, if that’s what it takes for you to make a better choice. Whatever is going on is going on. What you’re thinking about it is up to you. Find what works for you to get into that happier inner place, which is the energy that attracts manifestation of desired outcomes.
Look at your thoughts and beliefs, and if one occurs like, “Geez, I haven’t been . . .” regarding what you could’ve been doing but haven’t, shift it to, “I think it’s a very good idea to now . . .”
Make the decision: Struggle or Success? Commit. Be flexible. Have fun. Relax. Rest. Challenge your Stinkin’ Thinkin’ more than it challenges you.
You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer
This week’s EmPOWER-packed issue of State of Appreciation is now live at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com
Friday, August 20, 2010
Do You Push When You Could Ride?
It happens to all of us when we desire to fix, change, or shift something: we push when we could ride. What’s that really about?
Years back, the guy cutting my hair told me about a conversation he’d had with a co-worker. She had complained that her father had used the push lawnmower on their acreage when he could have used the riding mower. He told her, “That’s how you live your life.”
I had a couple of days when I was trying to figure something out—something I wanted to change, fix, shift . . . whatever it took. On the third day, during meditation I thought, “I’ve confused myself. Show me.” What I heard in my mind was, “Stop looking and I’ll be able to.”
I got it! Though, I already knew it, but temporarily forgot what I know, in favor of returning to old behavior patterns. Looking for, searching for, seeking solutions are actions, but not the right actions when your energy is worried, fearful, or fretful. You have to get calm. It’s like that saying that an open hand can hold water; a closed one can’t. It’s no different for energy.
The rest of the day, when mind clutter tried to start up again, I’d think: “Practice Empty Mind. Flow. Listen.” Nothing intuitive could communicate with me as long as I was doing all the “talking.” The time to look, search, or seek for ways to implement solutions or next steps happens once you are clear what they are. Inner first; outer follows. But, this may feel counterintuitive to you because aren’t you being irresponsible if you don’t panic or fret when you need a solution or next step? You already know that never solves anything and that it feels awful to be in that kind of process.
When you’re not open to receiving—especially inspired ideas, because you’re worried, fearful, or fretful, you won’t receive what will benefit you. Your intuition (your receiver and guide) will stand aside and wait patiently for you to return to your senses—however long that may take. You have to trust that—as a coaching client’s mantra states, “I don’t know how it’s going to happen yet, but everything will work out.” This doesn’t mean she doesn’t take action; it means she lets go of fretting and acts as soon as inspired ideas come to her (with desired results, I add).
Maybe you’ve had a similar experience, or not, but when I ask (the right way) for something, empowering “stuff” starts showing up. Like two Abraham (Esther Hicks) videos I found on YouTube: The Stream and Rampage of Invincibility. I recommend you look them up and watch them in the order I listed here.
In case you don’t . . . The Stream discussed the fact that we tend to row upstream or cling to the bottom rather than “flow gently down the stream” (my phrasing in quotes). One reason is because we’re told we “should” do that, that we are rewarded for pushing upstream. We get “trophies” for doing this. That’s what others expect of us—because that’s what they do.
Of course, you really have to figure out what this means for you personally. I take it to mean if I’m not doing what fulfills me, I’m rowing upstream. If I’m not researching and planning how I can do what fulfills me, I’m rowing upstream. If I’m expending more energy feeling awful about What Is than on Where Can I Go from Here?—I’m rowing upstream. What does it mean for you?
Push, row . . . or flow.
You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer
Check out the terrific freebies and articles (and more), and learn about private coaching sessions and my 8-week Your Ideal Life and Business online course (next course starts 09.03.10), in my free weekly online newsletter at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com or email me at jls1422@yahoo.com for details.
Years back, the guy cutting my hair told me about a conversation he’d had with a co-worker. She had complained that her father had used the push lawnmower on their acreage when he could have used the riding mower. He told her, “That’s how you live your life.”
I had a couple of days when I was trying to figure something out—something I wanted to change, fix, shift . . . whatever it took. On the third day, during meditation I thought, “I’ve confused myself. Show me.” What I heard in my mind was, “Stop looking and I’ll be able to.”
I got it! Though, I already knew it, but temporarily forgot what I know, in favor of returning to old behavior patterns. Looking for, searching for, seeking solutions are actions, but not the right actions when your energy is worried, fearful, or fretful. You have to get calm. It’s like that saying that an open hand can hold water; a closed one can’t. It’s no different for energy.
The rest of the day, when mind clutter tried to start up again, I’d think: “Practice Empty Mind. Flow. Listen.” Nothing intuitive could communicate with me as long as I was doing all the “talking.” The time to look, search, or seek for ways to implement solutions or next steps happens once you are clear what they are. Inner first; outer follows. But, this may feel counterintuitive to you because aren’t you being irresponsible if you don’t panic or fret when you need a solution or next step? You already know that never solves anything and that it feels awful to be in that kind of process.
When you’re not open to receiving—especially inspired ideas, because you’re worried, fearful, or fretful, you won’t receive what will benefit you. Your intuition (your receiver and guide) will stand aside and wait patiently for you to return to your senses—however long that may take. You have to trust that—as a coaching client’s mantra states, “I don’t know how it’s going to happen yet, but everything will work out.” This doesn’t mean she doesn’t take action; it means she lets go of fretting and acts as soon as inspired ideas come to her (with desired results, I add).
Maybe you’ve had a similar experience, or not, but when I ask (the right way) for something, empowering “stuff” starts showing up. Like two Abraham (Esther Hicks) videos I found on YouTube: The Stream and Rampage of Invincibility. I recommend you look them up and watch them in the order I listed here.
In case you don’t . . . The Stream discussed the fact that we tend to row upstream or cling to the bottom rather than “flow gently down the stream” (my phrasing in quotes). One reason is because we’re told we “should” do that, that we are rewarded for pushing upstream. We get “trophies” for doing this. That’s what others expect of us—because that’s what they do.
Of course, you really have to figure out what this means for you personally. I take it to mean if I’m not doing what fulfills me, I’m rowing upstream. If I’m not researching and planning how I can do what fulfills me, I’m rowing upstream. If I’m expending more energy feeling awful about What Is than on Where Can I Go from Here?—I’m rowing upstream. What does it mean for you?
Push, row . . . or flow.
You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer
Check out the terrific freebies and articles (and more), and learn about private coaching sessions and my 8-week Your Ideal Life and Business online course (next course starts 09.03.10), in my free weekly online newsletter at http://stateofappreciation.webs.com or email me at jls1422@yahoo.com for details.
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