Sunday, December 27, 2009

Fine Tune Your Life for the New Year or Any Time of Year

There’s a simple way to re-focus your time and energy to get a better start and results in a new year—or any time of year—in any area of your life. Just ask yourself the two questions offered here.

Two emails I received reminded me about the principle described below. I’d already had in mind to do a similar process, but felt nudged to really “go there” using this formula.

Maybe you’ve heard of the Pareto Principle or the 80/20 Rule. It maintains that around 20 percent of what you do each day creates 80 percent of your desired results . . . including fulfillment. So it follows that 80 percent of your time should focus on the 20 percent that creates desired results. Stated simply: Review what “grows corn” for you and what doesn’t. This applies to both business and life.

The questions are:

What is the 20 percent you do that creates 80 percent of desired results (including fulfillment—a key ingredient)?
What is the 80 percent you do that doesn’t?

This 80/20 formula applies to any area of your life. It’s a good time to revisit what these areas are.
Personal development
Spiritual development
Fun and relaxation/recharge time
Intimate and social relationships
Financial health
Physical spaces
Emotional well-being

You can look at each of the above in turn and apply the formula in a way appropriate for you, but here’s one activity that may bog you down in any area: Do you give 80 percent of your time and energy to talking and/or thinking about matters you’re not happy with rather than applying an effective 20 percent to taking inner or outer actions that can create desired outcomes—even if some of these affect you at the inner level only?

Here are some general questions you may consider applying the 20/80 or 80/20 Rule to.

What’s in your living space or closets? Don’t give away any treasures, but what do you have and don’t use (and won’t) that someone would love to have or would benefit from having—or that you might even sell?
What about what’s on your bookshelf, your desk, your sticky notes, your short- and long-term goals list?
How do you use your money?
How does this rule relate to nurturing your personal relationships?
What’s your belief-in-scarcity vs. belief-in-abundance ratio?
What does this formula reveal about your self-talk and self-appreciation?
What does this look like regarding social sites you’re signed up on? (Are you signed up because it was “recommended”—and this creates busywork, or are these sites ones you feel enthused about building community on?)
What else comes to mind that you might apply this rule to?

If you hesitate to part with any material thing, task, or behavior that doesn’t “grow corn for you,” ask yourself what may be stopping you. If your answer is, “I don’t know,” then I ask you: If you did know, what might it be?

Any time is a good time to tune up your life so you experience more success and fulfillment. Otherwise, it can be like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles non-stop: you’re active (moving about), but going nowhere. Too much emphasis is placed on always doing something, which leaves little time to reflect. Time given to quality reflection and assessment about your 20/80 can make a real difference in your life, starting immediately.

A wonderful experience happens when you remove clutter of any kind from your life (thoughts, things, and tasks): you see real opportunities that were hidden behind and under physical, mental, and emotional clutter. You create time and space to look at what you have and what you really want . . . and to go for it.

When you tune up, it’s easier to tune in to experiences you really want to create.


You can. Just use my bio as a complete statement.

Shift Happens. But, the shift you want can happen faster with a coach. Joyce Shafer ( – You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author of Reinvent Yourself—coaching to meet your desired experiences and outcomes. Learn about the buddy-coaching discount, energy expansion e-books, and read her most recent newsletter—all designed to enrich your life experience at

Friday, December 18, 2009

Do We Teach People How to Treat Us?

We can teach others how to treat us, but others also reflect to us how we treat ourselves (self-value), which is often a more subtle dynamic. Do you see how this creates a loop?

Let’s bypass childhood and more extreme scenarios, as both of those are different conversations. Let’s consider you’re an adult living a non-extreme life. We want to look at the “in general” aspect for our purposes.

If you’ve ever thought about what “We teach people how to treat us” means, you may have believed it related solely to what you allow—that you stand up for yourself and/or allow only what is appropriate for you—or you don’t, or do so in a limited manner. And, that’s a valid definition. It’s also the outer approach; and there’s a variety of ways to improve this, if needed.

But, you’re more than just a physical being. A good deal of what you experience in your outer life is, indeed, a result of what goes on in your inner life. (There is a school of thought that everything you experience at the outer level is a direct result of the inner—but that, too, is another conversation.)

Let’s say you feel someone (or more than one person) doesn’t treat you as though you have value. Let’s check your Value Well: how well do you value yourself?

If you’re a service provider, do you undervalue what you offer because of this?

If you fully accepted your innate value, how might the way you experience your life be different? How might you feel or respond if anyone indicated they valued you less than you value yourself?

Does anyone not honor your boundaries? Do you honor your boundaries? When you do, what’s different about what you allow yourself to engage in or how others engage with you?

When someone treats you in a way you don’t appreciate, you have a right to respond appropriately. Then, take a moment to consider if they acted as a mirror for you . . . and decide to respond appropriately at the inner level. Whatever others “do” to us, we tend to do in even greater measure to ourselves.

I’m not saying others will change their personalities if you use this process to create inner shifts—nor is that your concern; but you will experience yourself, them, and your life differently—from a more Self Empowered place if you do. You’ll be able to respond in your best interest rather than feel controlled by what seems like random outer experiences.

Let go of any Self beliefs influenced by your past. The past is only a memory in the present moment. You’re here, therefore, you have value. If you’ve estimated your value based on what others have said about you or said and done to you, and this comes up negative, now seems a good time to see this for what it is and begin to shift it.

You are far more than you ever imagined. Give yourself permission to live it—starting with yourself.

See the latest issue of my free newsletter at (18 Thought-Provoking Articles Collective: read or download at no cost)

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Create Your Order Form for 2010

This is THE time to get clear about what you want so you know what to aim at. Here’s a simple technique that helps you do this AND expand your magnetic energy.

Whatever you desire does not have to be important to others, only to you.

You know what you want in the areas of work, finance, family, personal development, spiritual development, social and intimate relationships, fun, and health. Or, maybe you sort of know what you want.

One way to amp up your energy and enthusiasm about a dream, goal, or desired outcome is to look at it more thoroughly than you may have. If you do what’s suggested below, you’ll get clearer and create an order form that inspires and guides you as you move forward, and makes your energy magnetic.

Get a sheet of paper and a pen or create columns in a document on your computer. Pick something about your life or business you want to see happen, or take each life area listed above and give them their turn.

First column: Write what you don’t want (don’t list feelings here—they have their own column).You’d write something like I don’t want less than ten new clients a month; I don’t want clients who don’t pay, don’t have a sense of humor, etc. Or, I don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t share my core values; is emotionally or otherwise unavailable, etc. If you really want to amp this up, write down everything you don’t want in every area of your life. Really purge here. Vent like crazy.

If you believe that positive thinking means you shouldn’t focus on what you don’t want, this is called denial. What you don’t want is rambling around in your subconscious anyway. You might as well give it an opportunity to be heard. Self-sabotage usually happens when our conscious and subconscious thoughts conflict. Get the Don’t Wants out instead of trying to suppress them.

Second column: Write what you don’t want to feel (afraid, unsuccessful, taken for granted, overworked, confused, afraid of failure—or success, unloved if you’re prosperous, etc.). Go ahead and give voice to any and every such feeling.

Third column: Write what you do want (ten or more new clients a month; meet and get to know one or more new people also interested in a relationship, etc.). If you’re inclined, amp this one up as recommended for the Don’t Wants. No limits—if you want it, write it down—anything, everything. If you’ve been holding back, now is your time to let loose.

Fourth column: Write what you do want to feel. List everything until nothing else comes up (valued, appreciated, respected, confident, on purpose, fulfilled, prosperous, safe and accepted and loved if you have more, etc.).

Fifth column: Write why you want it. Really let loose with this one. Whatever your why is, let it talk to you. When you find your why and it’s compelling, you amaze yourself with the inspired ideas and actions that come to you. If your why isn’t compelling, check to see if it’s a case of “It would be nice . . .” rather than “I passionately intend it” (wish vs. commitment).

Sixth column: Write how you will feel once you have this (fulfilled, validated, free, on purpose, etc.).

Seventh column: Write how others will feel once you have this. How will your new clients feel when they work with you as a confident, fulfilled person? How will your staff and/or family feel when they see you feeling so good? How will the person you move towards or into a relationship with feel about being around you, especially if you feel happy with yourself and your life?

Eighth column: Create a statement that helps you amp up your energy about this. You want a statement you can really buy into. If, at this time, you feel unsure about getting ten new clients a month or finding someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, writing that you have something as a given won’t work, because you’re not on board with it yet. And, that’s fine. What about this: I want to believe that I can find a way to get ten new clients a month; or meet someone I eventually share a relationship with; or feel safe about having more of everything in my life, including money. See how this is a true statement but it doesn’t put pressure on you?

Ninth column: Next actions. Maybe one or more next actions (inner or outer) come to you now or came to you as you wrote your responses. If not, not a problem. Write that you ask to be shown one or more next actions and know that because your focus is on receiving them, you will.

Before you go to sleep each night, write your statement. What you’ll notice is that your statement will change as you open to next actions and/or take them. You’ll move from “I want to believe” to “I believe” to “I can” to “I have” or “I am.”

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

How to Find Your Infinite Abundance

Infinite abundance is our modern-day sought-after Holy Grail. But, if you seek it, it’s because you don’t know where to look.

Let’s cut to the chase with a parallel. If you want to listen to, say, soft rock on the radio, you turn on the radio, tune to a station that plays soft rock, and—voila!—you’ve made the desired connection. However, I ask that you shift focus from the outcome to the process.

Did you create a detailed plan and strategies to follow step-by-step to tune in?
Did you believe you had to find a way to accumulate signals because you feared they’d run out?
Did you perform an involved ritual to align your energy with the signals?
Did you affirm, use a technique, or do anything to attract the signals to you?

These are, after all, techniques proven to help you get desired results, right? You may have researched where to find such stations or asked others; but you’d still have to “turn on and tune in” to find the one that matched your desired experience and note its setting. If you’d used one or all of the above methods, you definitely would have influenced your experience. But, none of them directly relate to the Truth: Radio signals are in the air, all around you all the time, available to supply your desired experience as soon as you tune in. And, your desired experience is for songs to flow to you not to play all at once.

It’s the same for infinite abundance. It’s not only all around you, though, you’re it and it’s you—because you’re both the same energy, vibration, consciousness—whatever word you prefer. Simple, yes . . . but not necessarily easy—because most of us believe something other than what is.

Any technique you use to “connect” with infinite abundance is designed to help you shift a belief that’s opposite of the Truth, as described above. A technique helps you allow yourself to become accustomed to FEELING the Truth. As you expand your ability to really feel this—to feel non-separation from infinite abundance—you begin to realize that feeling it is your shortcut to expanding your conscious experience of it.

But, you won’t tune in as clearly and consistently as you’d like until you desire to expand your awareness of this Truth and your deliberate oneness with it as much as (but I recommend more than) you desire the outcomes you seek.

Allowing opposite beliefs to continue to run is like multiple stations playing at once. Moving from technique to technique, driven by the belief that the power resides in a technique, is like passing through lots of stations hoping the right one chooses you. This is NOT a criticism of techniques. They can be highly beneficial and even fun to use. But, peel away the “layers” and there’s one imperative underlying any technique that “works”—BELIEF.

You may intellectually accept that infinite abundance exists, that the universe conspires in your favor—whatever it is you truly want to or choose to believe; but as long as you doubt it or look for it outside yourself, it can’t exist for you as fully as you desire. Do your thoughts, especially your emotionally-charged ones, negate or repel infinite abundance (or whatever you desire) as your Truth, or do they allow it to be? If you’re tense, you’re not receptive, and push away what you want when it nears.

It seems ludicrous to Calm Down when your situation is frustrating (or dire); and, aligning your vibrations (tune in to the right station) may feel utterly woo-woo. That’s dandy to do when things are flowing in a “better” direction, but NOT when you’re feeling like this!

Yet, that’s the very time you need it. And, it takes more courage to FEEL the Truth when you need it than it does not to. This gets tangled because you want a desired outcome . . . NOW! It’s understandable why we get fixated on outcomes: the motivation behind everything we do is to feel a certain way. Extra tension is added if you feel influenced or imposed upon by the opinions of others.

Brief exercise: allow the feeling perception of no separation between your energy and the energy of everything in the space where you are (quantum physics fact). Expand this to include beyond the space where you are. Now consider this: The energy IS Infinite Abundance by its very nature.

Your conscious mind, for the specific purpose of having experiences, perceives separation that doesn’t actually exist.

Radio signals may be invisible to your human eye, but they aren’t hiding from you—they don’t go missing and have to be found or coaxed back. You can tune in when you choose to because the signals are always with you. It’s the same with infinite abundance.

One setting that finetunes your reception experience is to feel appreciation for the abundance of what is. It’s here—look around you, at the world, at the universe; though, you may have tuned into other stations and now wish to tune into a new one to have a different experience. And, please, remember the definition of abundance isn’t limited to money or tangibles only. If you choose to expand this appreciation, it not only opens you to receive, but to receive inspirations so you can also give in ways that are joyful and meaningful for you.

You don’t have to look for infinite abundance; you do have to feel its Truth as your true nature. Allow time to integrate this and for its evidences to unfold in your life. After all, you may have believed the opposite for quite a long time.

New Year ~ "New" You

If you’re someone who amid holiday and end-of-year busyness also makes time to review the passing year and your dreams or goals for the new one—the current issue of “No Limits For Me” has something in it just for you. Issue No. 34 features two of my articles about New Year resolutions (why they may not work and how to align with what you really want) and the You Are More! EXTRA with 18 select articles of mine that help you look at self-worth, abundance and prosperity, self-empowerment, and more—perhaps in new ways. You can read this issue now at (This EXTRA made Scribd’s Hot List within the first week it was available!