Friday, February 26, 2010

The Give and Receive Confusion

Concepts about Give and Receive influence your choices and outcomes. Misunderstood or misconstrued concepts can lead to frustration.

The prevalent statement about this is, “It is better to give than receive.” It’s repeated so often and in such a way, most people don’t feel they have a right (or a reason) to stop and ponder it. It causes some people to over-give or give inappropriately—more often their energy and time than a tangible, and may also block their ability to receive.

I think “It’s better to give than receive” is one of those idioms either mistranslated or misconstrued over time—like the one about it being as easy for a rich man to enter heaven as it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. It’s actually supposed to be “the,” not “a.” Eye of the Needle was the largest gate into a city, meaning it was extremely easy for even the largest camel to pass through. Hmm. Can you say, “Oops?” (There’s more about this give/receive quote later in this writing.)

We’ve been conditioned to not think about such statements repeated often, even when we feel a twinge about them or perceive an obvious contrast. It’s okay to give consideration to any philosophy that doesn’t sit right. If it doesn’t feel right to you, there’s a reason.

Give to Receive is another one that requires some exploration. There is truth to it. However, if your motivation to give is solely to receive, you’re likely to experience this backfires on you. Why? The energy of lack is attached to it: what you perceive you lack and, even, what you perceive others lack (do you give because they lack or give to help them get stronger). Maybe a better quote is, “Give and Receive.”

What you focus your emotionally-charged attention on, you get more of. Let me add: What you focus your emotionally-charged intention on you get more of. That’s a bit more accurate, energy-wise. The deeper meaning is that you get back what you give—positive and negative; so you want your acts of giving (including monetary exchanges for services and products—yes, even monthly bills) free of negative emotional attachments. If your intention is fueled by fear of lack, or need, rather than belief in yourself and abundance, this affects your experience and your outcome.

Give and Receive are meant to loop—one is supposed to feed the other. Like with the yin-yang symbol: one becomes the other. There may be a period of time when, as one “pours” into the other, the size doesn’t appear equal, but it will balance out. If you block one pathway, you block the other.

Give to Receive has a nice feeling when you give what you have head-and-heart alignment about giving. When you do this, you receive—whatever that is for you, even if all you “seem” to receive is a really good feeling about doing it. Giving this way means you don’t perceive the exchange was unequal. The good feeling keeps you in vibrational magnetic mode to receiving more of anything.

It’s been said that you receive more of what you give, e.g., if you give money, expect to receive money. If you give books, expect to receive books, and so on. That’s a belief. You may, indeed, experience this “matching,” but is it really about what you give or is it really about your overall giving-receiving-loop beliefs? Is there a twinge of limitation inherent in that “matching” statement? Is it really that way or is it that way because it’s believed to be; and if it is just a matter of parameters placed on a belief, do you want to limit how abundance and prosperity comes to you—or how you give it (based on what you hope or want to get back)?

If you give your services or products in exchange for something, you want that exchange to be monetary, unless you specifically agreed to a barter arrangement. People who are spirituality-based can get very confused about this topic, as can their clients and customers (though, it’s not limited to spirituality-based businesses). Should non-tangible, spirituality-based services be charged for is a question both sides play with. Usually, that’s because of an imbalance about lack and self-valuing, which I addressed in another article, “Does Gender Influence Prosperity?”

An example of why it’s not always better to give than receive—especially in business—is from my past, when I got involved with a project for a new client. I was very clear about my rates, which were hourly. I was very clear that the number of hours could not be guessed at because of the nature of the project. She agreed to my terms. It also turned out that I had added investment because I connected her with someone who had high public exposure who contributed to her project and would enhance her platform (public outreach).

A lot of hours of my time were involved. We reached a certain point in the project and she informed me she’d had a fixed number in mind as the total she’d pay for my services, and told me about her financial limitations—both should have been mentioned before we started, when I discussed this with her. Well, that was a quandary. I was halfway through the project—and, she kept adding to it. I had involved another individual. I made a decision, and take full responsibility for it: I agreed to her final number and kept working. By the time I returned her project to her, I’d “contributed” twice my billable services rate compared to what she’d paid. I was not happy . . . but, it had been my choice.

I found myself feeling angry and frustrated when I provided my services on her project—services I love. That was NOT a way I ever wished to feel again. I gave myself a very good lesson. I include this example so you can pay attention to when you give when you really are not in head-and-heart alignment about it.

If you can’t give because it will feel good in some way—and with no additional expectation attached to it beyond the reason you’ve chosen to give, hold off on giving until you are aligned with that feeling. If alignment doesn’t come, give this thought. Find your Why for saying Yes or saying No.

If you know or notice that what you’re giving is causing you, in any way, to shift into the “negative” column on whatever that “balance sheet” is—especially emotionally, look at what’s going on and make a choice, find a solution or resolution.

I suggest that when you hear or read anything about giving and receiving, including this article, feel if it truly resonates for you or if it creates a contrast. Either feeling can assist you to point yourself in the right direction. Giving and Receiving are better for all involved when they’re joyful experiences.

If you’d like to reprint this article, please use my bio as a complete statement.

Success = Better Questions to Get Better Answers. Is it time to learn how to more effortlessly have desired experiences in life and business? Let Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business coaching program or e-book show you how. You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author Joyce Shafer ( Details and current free weekly newsletter at

Friday, February 19, 2010

A New Way to View Goals and Desired Outcomes

Goals and desired outcomes seem to come in two flavors: the ones easier to achieve and the ones we struggle with. There’s a word you can apply to both that can shift the quality of your experiences and take some of the “charge” out of struggle.

Goals and desired outcomes—personal and professional—are imbued with an aspect we are, hopefully, aware of but sometimes aren’t. That aspect is our Why—why we want or feel motivated or inspired about what we say we desire to experience. Your Why can be enhanced with this word I’ll share with you in a moment.

You may feel you have passionate commitment, yet experience blocks when you wish to get started or to move forward. These blocks are about beliefs: assumptions, presumptions, habitual limiting thoughts, a need to reframe so you tell yourself a supportive story rather than an unsupportive one, and so on.

If you feel blocked about going for what you want or having the quality experience you desire, identifying what holds you back can feel like one more task added to your list, and not necessarily a small one.

Although identifying blocks so you can go beyond them is important, here’s a suggestion for a more gentle way to assist you to shift this. Its power is in choosing to use one specific word, and to always start with your Self: Reverence.

To be clear, the definition I mean is not religious or to be in awe, but to regard with deep respect, and even love, when appropriate. Deep respect can also be viewed as profound appreciation.

If you struggle with weight or health issues, how does it feel to view doing what it will take so you do what you need to do, if you apply the word reverence to caring for and honoring your body and well being as defined above? How might it feel to take needed steps if you view each step with reverence?

If you struggle with feeling confident or any of the words you could fit into this category to feel strong and authentic, what’s the feeling you get when you consider feeling reverence for your personal journey and process as you explore and expand who you really are underneath layers of limiting beliefs?

Take a moment to apply this word, reverence, to the following: happiness, financial well being, creativity, integrity, enjoyment, life purpose, spirituality, relationships, how you apply yourself in your work, view others, view your Self, life, humanity.

When we work towards goals—even small ones, we often attach judgments about how we’re doing. When we do this, our experience may not be “boring,” but neither is it necessarily a more pleasant one or open to conscious awareness and easier personal expansion at the inner level. And no matter what we think about desired outcomes, we cannot separate the fact we desire them, because we wish to feel a certain way.

Reverence gives you permission to be, permission to honor yourself as you are, and as you choose to become or unfold. It gives you permission to ask yourself questions that help you align with genuine appreciation for you and the path you walk through life, to move forward with fewer emotional burdens so often carried on your “shoulders” like a bag of rocks.

You want to know your Why for doing anything. Then, ask yourself what every moment and choice would be like if you stepped into reverence. This can help you have a better chance of aligning with how you can move forward with more grace and ease, to take all the steps with a better perspective. This can assist you to make conscious choices. It helps you see reverence cannot co-exist with judgment of any kind, which is another block, created in the mind.

Experiences and how we move through them are not solely the means to ends. They are ends in themselves. Imagine viewing means and ends with reverence. How does this feel for you?

You are welcome to reprint this article. Just use my bio as a complete statement.

Focus+Meaning+Choice=Your Desired Experiences. Is it time to learn how to more effortlessly have desired experiences in life and business? Let the 4-week Reinvent Yourself coaching program or e-book of the program materials show you how. You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author Joyce Shafer ( Details about both, plus her incredible e-book bundle (her 4 ebooks, plus gift: Discovering Your Life Purpose--$25) available on her free weekly newsletter site at

Thursday, February 11, 2010

What Is Your Gift, and Do You Share It?

Your gift is what you do in your unique way. Ironically, you may do it so naturally, you don’t recognize it for what it is or realize what you might do with it.

Whatever you do in life, you can have a more joyful, meaningful experience if you shine the light on and share what is unique about you. We sometimes assume the way we do something is how everyone does it. This isn’t necessarily, and usually isn’t, the case. This is why something you do that you don’t think is very special or unique might be seen as very special or unique by someone else.

One of the fastest ways to identify or confirm this is to ask others. You can ask friends, family, clients, co-workers what they believe is unique about you. This is a good thing to do because you can pay attention to what their comments have in common.

I applied this to a friend of mine, a licensed therapist, who is highly skilled at what she does. What I perceive as natural for her is how she demonstrates the importance of including fun and humor in life, no matter what challenges may be happening. Not surprising is that she dreams of doing seminars, especially in corporate environments, to teach why appropriate humor and fun in the workplace are beneficial to well-being, creativity, and success. In her personal life, she lives what she desires to do. Yes, others do similar seminars; but she, especially with her background, could do it in a unique way.

You will benefit by asking this question of others, but you may have to work with the wording. I was told by one friend that she relies on me to tell her the truth, when she approaches me with a difficult challenge she’s having. Another friend said I help people feel good about themselves and about what they do, meaning that I support people when they struggle with an issue, and leave judgment out of the equation.

I looked at these two responses and recognized what was being said. I listen to people with more than my ears. I perceive what they don’t—stories they’re telling themselves, their limiting beliefs. I help them see what they’re missing because they’re too close to a situation or too used to it. I perceive the small bits and the bigger picture. I validate them. I help them shift something so they can move forward. And, I’ve always done this—in my unique way. I recall wishing in the early ‘90s, that there was a way I could do what I did so naturally, as a living. Then I read an article about a new field: life coaching. I felt like that old Reese’s candy commercial—the chocolate fell into the peanut butter, and a winning combination was created.

Sometimes it’s about what you do that you want to do in a unique way, but believe others would think something negative if you did it or, “Who would pay me to do that?!” Someone I know coached a divorce attorney who realized he didn’t like the bickering or nastiness some of his clients engaged in, especially when children were involved. He wanted to work solely with people who wanted peaceful divorces. He clarified his niche and was passionate about it. This allowed him to be clear about his services and ideal clients when he created his promotional materials. He never lacks clients. There was a ready market waiting for such an attorney—even if they weren’t aware of it.

If you love to make people laugh, does this mean your gift is less important than a heart surgeon’s skill? We know now about the healing qualities of laughter. If you’re able to make people laugh and ease the stings—or blows—that come into people’s lives, why wouldn’t you share that? Could you write articles, books, or Blogs in a way that changes people’s lives or entertains them in their preferred world of fiction? Could you combine your love of skydiving and spirituality to teach “flying at a whole new level”? This last one reminds you that you may have more than one gift and know you are happier if you can do some of each or find a way to merge them.

What might it cost you to identify your gift—that which is unique about you—and then share it—and, even be compensated for it? Will you have to confront negative beliefs about yourself? Give up some spare time or rearrange your routine to develop your plan and take action?

What will it cost you, personally, if you don’t do this? Will you deny your life’s purpose or see yourself as not deserving better life experiences? Will you remain in a self-imposed prison without bars, possibly based on someone else’s opinions or fears?

The real you—who you are—has a level of splendor within that can make a difference in your life and the lives of others, but only if you express it.

Focus+Meaning+Choice=Your Desired Experiences. Is it time to learn how to more effortlessly have desired experiences in life and business? Let the 4-week Reinvent Yourself coaching program or e-book of the program materials show you how. You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author Joyce Shafer (—Sign up now for the 4-week Valentine’s Coaching Special (sign-up deadline is Feb. 14/program starts when you sign up) or let the e-book guide you. Fall in Love with Your Life! Details at

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Has Approval Been Your “Currency” Exchange in Life, Business, and Relationships?

All the strategies, systems, programs, books you’ve invested in that haven’t shifted your prosperity or life experience may have missed one key point. You may not realize approval, rather than value-for-value, is your imprinted “currency” exchange.

Expectations and limiting beliefs introduced to us in early years become invisible residents in our non-physical “bones.” They also morph—change form and function—as we grow into adults.

When we’re children and we experience events we feel are unfair or limiting, we tell ourselves as soon as we’re adults we’ll never allow those things to happen again. Only, that isn’t what usually happens. What happens is we find subtle ways to repeat them—at least, the underlying theme of them. We are drawn to and draw to us people and situations that make sure these patterns are repeated. Because that’s exactly what they are—patterns. And, they are familiar.

“People-pleaser” is a term known by many, and lived by many. People-pleasers are not born, they are created. It’s natural to want approval; it’s the out-of-balance reason for wanting it—and needing it in an unhealthy quantity—that can turn life into a hamster-wheel experience rather than a joyful, fulfilling one.

If any aspect of your formative years imprinted you with the belief that you were not good enough as you are and as you were becoming, you may have chosen one of these two paths: a consistent exhausting, frustrating effort to win approval or you gave up trying and resolved to do only what you had to do to survive—you decided to settle for less in every area of your life. Maybe you even merged the two.

An out-of-balance need for approval can manifest as perfectionism, procrastination, lack of belief in self, self-sabotage, fear of following your dreams, and even fear of naming your dreams—especially if your dreams might not win approval you seek from one or more individuals. Add some of the negative prosperity beliefs such as some are lucky, some are not; the only way you can succeed is if you work really hard (ask any hard-working minimum wagers and struggling solo business people if this has proven true); you either have what it takes or you don’t . . . I’m sure you can add to this list.

Only you can know if you have a deep need for approval and how this impacts your life. If your primary need has been for approval, you’ve seen it affect the jobs and wages you’ve accepted; the relationships you’ve engaged in (likely, longer than you should have); lack of energy or self-confidence to go after what you really want in every area or several areas of your life; and, often, the various forms of abuses and self-abuse you’ve allowed.

If you’re a solo business person (or want to be), fear energy about charging a fair fee or price for what you provide, and getting it, may be present—you doubt your right and ability to be compensated appropriately. You may engage in lots of activity, but little productivity. You may search for ways to succeed rather than create them.

Approval seekers are often not connected to self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, and self-appreciation in ways that support them to feel how they wish to about themselves, or to make choices that help them create desired experiences and outcomes. Self-trust to know and act on what is appropriate for them (and what’s not) has not been developed as it might have been. Fear of making mistakes shadows them. They may not even ask what their desired experiences are—not with true clarity.

If what you need and want in order to have the life experience you desire comes last (or even second), your “currency” may be approval. You may want approval more than value-for-value in your personal and professional life. This is about proper self-respect, not improper selfishness.

When approval is your currency, your inner images are so entwined with this need you don’t even enter into the space where you envision people, who really feel you can make a difference, being happy to make a monetary exchange with you. You don’t envision being able to discern early on if a person is the right person for you to be in a relationship with—that the exchange and value in any experience is equal and in your best interest. You second-guess yourself on a consistent basis.

Take some time to sit with what you’ve read here. See if the out-of-balance need for approval has been a driving force in your life. Ask yourself how this has manifested in your experiences and how you feel about this.

Then, do a quick replay of your life and re-write the “film script.” Allow the image of receiving the approval you desired. Watch as you honor yourself by saying no to inappropriate personal and professional relationships when you said yes instead—making better choices on your behalf in certain moments.

Envision and feel the satisfaction of providing the service you’re passionate about to those you’d enjoy engaging with (even if what that is isn’t clear at this time). Let who, how, where, when, and for how much play out in your favor. Imagine the feeling of it—and you—as you truly desire. Allow yourself to feel this as true for you, even if that feeling is somewhat small right now. It can expand as you become gradually more comfortable with it. It may be unfamiliar, but it doesn’t need to stay that way.

Starting now, allow yourself to recognize when approval is your currency, as you consider important life choices. If it is, realize it’s you who will pay for the experiences and outcomes that result. This only empties the “well.” You want to fill it.

It’s time to shift this so that “give and receive” become the energy exchange they are meant to be and that feel good for you and others. It’s time to stop believing the stories you tell yourself, especially because a better story could have happened. It still can; but you need to begin to rewrite your story now and place your focus on it, and stop repeating the old ones.

It’s time to upgrade your “currency” exchange, and to understand it is your right to give and receive in equal measure.

Is it time to learn how to more effortlessly have desired experiences in life and business? Start now to re-write your stories for a More Calm, Confident, Creative You with You Are More! Empowerment Coach and author Joyce Shafer(—Sign up now for the 4-week Valentine’s Coaching Special (sign-up deadline is Feb. 14/program starts when you sign up) or let the e-book guide you. Fall in Love with Your Life! Details at

Monday, February 8, 2010

What’s Cluttering Your Life?

If you ever feel overwhelmed, pause for a moment and look around you. More than likely, there’s clutter in your physical (outer) space, which means there’s clutter in your inner space.

A funny thing happens when you get rid of clutter in your physical space: you see your life. You lighten up in more ways than one.

Years back, I worked at a job with a hectic pace and loads of paperwork. We moved our office to a new location, and I was given zero time to organize. In fact, I had to hire two temps to unpack everything. Two years later, the director hired a clutter coach, which pleased me to no end. I insisted a temp be hired to do what I was expected to do so I could help organize. It took two weeks. When all was said and done, I sat at my neat desk and realized I needed to leave that job and make a career change. You never know what you’ll find hiding beneath the clutter in your life.

Recently, I’ve entered de-clutter mode, even though I pride myself on being organized. However, stuff can accumulate while you’re focused elsewhere. I’m a reader and I like to keep certain books for different reasons; but I was surprised when I brought eight bags of books to the basement for our in-house book exchange. My VCR stopped working over a year ago and all those videos were taking up space. They’ve gone to new homes where VCRs work. I’m taking a room at a time and asking myself good questions every time I touch anything. This is one of those times when less feels really good. Going light shifts the energy.

What other forms of clutter do we allow into our lives?

What about activities that are busywork instead of actions that produce our desired outcomes? Many people confuse activity with productivity.

What about bouncing back and forth between what you’re working on and checking emails or IMs? This is an interruption you have some control over. Do you know that every time you’re interrupted when you’re focused, it can take up to twenty minutes to get back into full focus? You can lose hours of quality productive time every day just by checking emails while you work. If you dedicate an hour or two of uninterrupted focus on a project, you’ll quickly see the difference it makes. Unless you’re waiting for a specific email, decide to check emails at a certain time each hour or whatever works for you. What other activities clutter your productive time? Remember, though, you need quality break-times when you work so you can recharge. Not taking these or skipping lunch is a good way to clutter your mind and energy.

How does lack of proper rest and recreation clutter your life? What about poor food choices? What about not delegating when you can?

Then, there’s holding grudges. Anything from the past we carry with us is like a boulder or a bag of rocks we drag behind us through life. This is probably not the first time you read this, but forgiveness isn’t saying what happened is okay; it’s setting yourself free from replaying old tapes or films that just make you feel lousy and clutter moments and energy you could use more productively. It’s like saying, “FOR goodness sake, GIVE your self something else, something better, to focus on.”

And here’s another twist about forgiveness: Charles Fillmore said the first step to becoming debt-free is to release everyone from debts to us, especially the emotional debts known as resentments.

I’m not going to tell you letting go of resentments is easy. It can be, but it usually isn’t because we feel so right (self-righteous) about holding onto them. When I revisited this the other day, I took the spiritual, metaphysical approach and reminded myself that as I eventually look for the gift in even moments I perceive as unpleasant or painful, holding a grudge towards someone who gave me a “gift” doesn’t serve me. It impedes me. There’s a lot I choose to do with my life. If my energy is directed on resentments from the past, I’m cluttering my energy. No one can shift this but me.

One thing I’ve noticed after working this way for years is that even if you start to de-clutter at the inner level, it does make a difference if you simultaneously de-clutter your physical space. It’s practically impossible to clear your physical space and not experience inner clearing at the same time.

What are you hanging onto long past its usefulness to you? Clutter of any kind depletes your energy. Spring is a time of renewal. There’s a reason spring cleaning has been popular for generations.

What about your life are you ready to renew? What are you ready to let go of so something even better can come to you once you create the space?

4 Weeks for a More Calm, Confident, Creative You with You Are More! Empowerment Coach Joyce Shafer—Sign up by Feb. 14 for this incredible Valentine’s Coaching Special—Fall in Love with Your Life! Or, get the e-Course if you’re a do-it-yourself type ($29.95). Coaching helps you move forward fast, but these materials can create results, if you use them. Details at

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Reinventing Your Self and Your Business Is a Process (Watch Out for Resistance!)

Many of us used to consider it a luxury to choose to reinvent ourselves or our businesses. At present, many find themselves thrust into this position by the economy.

Last year, before effects of the economy really kicked in, I had my moment where I decided to reinvent particular aspects of how I experience my life and business. Like an ever-expanding number of people around the globe (and since ancient times), I chose to even more consciously use Law of Attraction which I’m now, more than ever, inclined to call Law of Vibration or even Law of Vibration Equals Matching (LOV EM).

I’m not about to tell you this path is one big rosy picture or that I never address challenges; but there have been some spectacular inner and outer results. Any of you who deliberately use LOV may have discovered that, though it seems simple, based on what you read or hear, it’s not always easy. I’m not saying it has to be difficult; but . . .

We’re told the key is to ask for what we want and then allow what we want to come to us, shift our beliefs, remove doubt, expect. I also write about these in my articles because they’re all valid. So, why isn’t it always easy? In a word: resistance. If you’ve ever thought you have no problem attracting small stuff into your life, but the big stuff seems impossible, you subconsciously resist bigger stuff. You wouldn’t do this unless you’ve been conditioned to. We stand between Limitless Thinking and Conditioned Thinking. We just have to decide which one we prefer to move towards more.

A lot of thought has been going on in my mind about resistance over the last several days. A parallel came to mind: weight loss. Anyone who’s ever wanted to lose weight has to start wherever they are; has to use a program, and discovers a program they’re aligned with is easier to follow; discovers some days it’s easier to stay intentional and other days they experience triggers that make them want to quit. But, if their Why is strong enough, they get back on the path if they detour or stop.

Those unwanted pounds are like unwanted (most often, unrecognized) beliefs or areas of resistance. The more of each that needs to be shifted, the more energy you need to plan to direct towards this. You will have days you falter; but as you stick with it, you’ll experience successes. Your outcome and how you choose to experience getting to the outcome is called your ROE (Return on Energy).

We sometimes forget to recognize that a small success is still a success. Sometimes we want to get to the finish line before we run every step of the race. We forget steps are involved (a process), usually because we want to feel better as soon as possible. Every step has the opportunity and fact of ROE.

Individuals and the overall economy, depending on how much “weight” they gained before the shake-up and the weight of their beliefs, have to reassess how they plan and intend to move forward and what their intended short- and long-term outcomes are. The “negative” outer aspects of the economy are a direct result of something at the inner level being out of alignment in everyone involved. If we want to create a better, stronger economy, present, and future, this will be done more easily and quickly if more people get aligned at the inner level so their actions at the outer level are motivated differently.

My hope is that anyone who can contributes their energy to this rebuilding phase through creative and innovative ways imbued with integrity. If we resist this, we risk returning to how we’ve always done things or how things have been done, ways that didn’t work out.

Inventions take time. So do reinventions. And, both involve a process. Once you get that life is a process, that you are in process all the time, and you align with this, you’ll find your ability to return to inner balance when you get rattled is easier. The Law of Vibration (quantum mechanics) matches your vibration (deepest anticipated outcome energized by emotions) all the time. Become a conscious, deliberate director of your inner and outer life.

I wish you a wonderful day and a day filled with wonders.

4 Weeks for a More Calm, Confident, Creative You with You Are More! Empowerment Coach Joyce Shafer—Sign up by Feb. 14 for this incredible Valentine’s Coaching Special—Fall in Love with Your Life! Details at

Friday, February 5, 2010

Get Energy Knots Out and Change Beliefs That Don’t Serve You

When you feel out of balance and want to shift this, you have to get your thoughts, emotions, and attitude shifted to a better energy level before you do anything else. An attitude improved even a small amount opens your mind to possibilities.

This is especially important if you’ve been feeling any sense of strain or stress in your life and/or business. You want a tool that works for you any time you feel your energy needs to be calmed, smoothed, soothed, or charged up.

The foundation of Self Energy Management is to know you can manage it.

First, recognize your energy is knotted about something and take a moment to appreciate that you have the awareness to notice this. You can only shift something if you know something would benefit from being shifted.

This may seem obvious, but when you’re in the thick of an emotion, it can take a while to recall that you know this. Once you’re aware that you’re sad, angry, or anxious, you actually make the first shift because now you’re no longer only in it, you’re consciously paying attention to it. It’s like the difference between being engaged fully in an acting role and remembering you’re acting a role.

Ask yourself if it’s all right if what bothers you isn’t solved or resolved completely today. If you’re addressing an emotion that results from a life-long issue or something you consider large, you may solve it right now and it may take a bit more time. And, you want to allow that.

You want to lighten up your energy, the emotion(s) you’re feeling about an issue, even just a little. If more of a shift happens, that’s terrific; but your goal is to feel even just a bit better than you do so you can gently shift the energy to get to whatever a good next action step is for you. You create a safe space for yourself where no self-judgment is allowed.

You suffer over most matters because of a belief. Often, the belief is, “This shouldn’t be happening.” Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. Here are some right questions to help you shift upward, even if just a little. A little upward shift goes a long way.
What core belief do you have about your issue or situation? Does this belief serve you? How does this belief show up in your life? How do you feel about this?
Scale how you feel at this moment with 1 being the least intense and 10 being the most. Allow that number to be okay because it’s honestly where you are and you intend to shift this, even if just a little.
Ask yourself if you feel okay about making even a small shift now.
Think of a similar time when you had a similar feeling (it doesn’t have to be a similar matter or situation, just that you felt similarly then to how you do now) and it worked out. How did you manage yourself or work that one out? Maybe you used an inner process, an outer process, or both.
What worked then and how can you use what you did then now?
Ask yourself, “Will it be all right if I don’t solve or resolve this completely today?” This is a gentler way to manage yourself through this process than insisting that you fix it now! You may not have all the information or resources you need at this moment. It may be the only thing you can shift right now is your energy and emotions.
Take a moment to ask the above questions. Where does your energy register on the scale now?

What you want is a next action. You’ll know that a next action is the right one if you feel aligned with or enthusiastic about it. You won’t feel any resistance to it. When you use any of these energy-shift methods, it’s important to listen and trust. If you get, “Go for a walk” or “Take a nap,” you might think you should argue with this kind of information. But, what if it’s exactly what the next step is?

We tend to think we’re supposed to come up with the big or grand thing to do; but maybe that big or grand thing involves lots of steps. What happens? You feel overwhelmed. You create more knots. You want the next step, the next action—even if it’s small. That’s all. Then you want the next one and the next one after that. The step may be a small one, but it will get you to the next one. All you need now is the next step. Take all the steps and your desired outcome is a given.

Knotted energy is not something to be judgmental about. It happens to you and it happens to everyone at various times. You’re human and it’s okay to feel like a human. You don’t have to be perfect; you just need methods that you choose to use for your benefit, and then use them.

No matter what’s happening, you want to empower yourself with the ability to manage your energy. It’s always the first step to the next one.

If you’d like to reprint this article, you can. Just use my bio as a complete statement.

You Are More! And you deserve results. Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business allows you to open to and sharpen your intuitive, creative abilities and do this consistently, for any area of your life. Available as an e-book and/or an 8-week coaching program ~ Joyce Shafer (, You Are More! Empowerment Coach, Author, and Publisher of State of Appreciation. Details and lots of free resources at

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Put Old on Hold

Barbara Morris, writer and editor of “Put Old on Hold” is remarkable in many ways. One significant way is that she is 81 years young—and going strong!

There are always good articles in each issue, but Barbara has a special message for Boomers in her February issue (but we knew this, yes?!).

You can read it now at

I wish you a wonderful day and a day filled with wonders.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Help me send You Are More! EXTRA on a VIRTUAL TOUR

Help me send You Are More! EXTRA on a virtual tour.

If you haven’t read it yet, it’s 18 thought-provoking, empowering articles in one format--created by No Limits online magazine based in Australia. It's free to read at

Goal: See where it’s read—and, how fast it travels!

After you read EXTRA (if you haven’t yet), do the simple, free sign-up (if you aren’t a Scribd member yet);
In Comments, type in your state and/or country;
Type in the state/country (or more than one) you’re forwarding the link to;
You’re welcome to post a comment, if you wish.

If you find EXTRA tour-worthy—or just want to have fun with this, please forward the link to this Blog - - and/or post what you’re doing and the Scribd link on your social sites.

That’s it! We’re talking a small amount of time to read 18 thought-provoking, empowering articles and several minutes to move it forward.

You might bookmark or list the Scribd page as a Favorite so you can check the postings to see how the “tour” is going.

If you participate—Thank You!

Joyce Shafer, You Are More! Empowerment Coach and Author
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