We can teach others how to treat us, but others also reflect to us how we treat ourselves (self-value), which is often a more subtle dynamic. Do you see how this creates a loop?
Let’s bypass childhood and more extreme scenarios, as both of those are different conversations. Let’s consider you’re an adult living a non-extreme life. We want to look at the “in general” aspect for our purposes.
If you’ve ever thought about what “We teach people how to treat us” means, you may have believed it related solely to what you allow—that you stand up for yourself and/or allow only what is appropriate for you—or you don’t, or do so in a limited manner. And, that’s a valid definition. It’s also the outer approach; and there’s a variety of ways to improve this, if needed.
But, you’re more than just a physical being. A good deal of what you experience in your outer life is, indeed, a result of what goes on in your inner life. (There is a school of thought that everything you experience at the outer level is a direct result of the inner—but that, too, is another conversation.)
Let’s say you feel someone (or more than one person) doesn’t treat you as though you have value. Let’s check your Value Well: how well do you value yourself?
If you’re a service provider, do you undervalue what you offer because of this?
If you fully accepted your innate value, how might the way you experience your life be different? How might you feel or respond if anyone indicated they valued you less than you value yourself?
Does anyone not honor your boundaries? Do you honor your boundaries? When you do, what’s different about what you allow yourself to engage in or how others engage with you?
When someone treats you in a way you don’t appreciate, you have a right to respond appropriately. Then, take a moment to consider if they acted as a mirror for you . . . and decide to respond appropriately at the inner level. Whatever others “do” to us, we tend to do in even greater measure to ourselves.
I’m not saying others will change their personalities if you use this process to create inner shifts—nor is that your concern; but you will experience yourself, them, and your life differently—from a more Self Empowered place if you do. You’ll be able to respond in your best interest rather than feel controlled by what seems like random outer experiences.
Let go of any Self beliefs influenced by your past. The past is only a memory in the present moment. You’re here, therefore, you have value. If you’ve estimated your value based on what others have said about you or said and done to you, and this comes up negative, now seems a good time to see this for what it is and begin to shift it.
You are far more than you ever imagined. Give yourself permission to live it—starting with yourself.
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http://www.scribd.com/doc/23362264/Joyce-Shafer-You-Are-More (18 Thought-Provoking Articles Collective: read or download at no cost)