Friday, December 31, 2010

Announcement of my move

I’m returning to the South, to the land of moss-draped oak trees and where life moves at a more relaxed pace, though imbued with its own creative and productive energy.

I find it interesting that the best day to let you know about my move is on the last day of this year, which also happens to be my birthday. It’s something of an ending and a beginning wrapped into one.

It’s been an adventure living in NYC. Since landing at LaGuardia Airport on Sunday, September 17, 2000, I
• Worked for a “Nose” who determined the scent of everything from deodorant to Dior. At the start of the fourth month there, I developed a serious case of pneumonia. It was a hard hit, physically, and I had to resign for an extended recovery time; and it also exacerbated a pre-existing condition I still contend with.
• Worked for three years at a non-profit created by the actor Paul Newman. He was delighted when I told him I was from where he’d filmed “The Drowning Pool,” and he shared stories of his time there.
• Experienced September 11.
• Watched NYC Marathons just a few blocks from my apartment instead of on TV.
• Trained as a life empowerment coach with iPEC, met and made friends with some truly amazing people, discovered how much I love the powerfully transformative coaching process, and how working with ideal clients enhances both our life experiences. Happily, because coaching takes place on the phone, I’ll be able to resume with clients as soon as I am established in a new residence.
• Assisted new writers as a freelance developmental editor, to create their first fiction or non-fiction books/e-books (and other projects). My copies of their books are definitely going with me. My genuine enjoyment of this work makes me appreciate the Internet and how easy it is to do everything online. Client testimonials about working with me feel really good (okay, great!). **Clients whose manuscripts are scheduled to be started on in January: as soon as my computer is set up and running on DSL, we can get started. I’ll email you (please keep reading to learn about the possible time frame).
• Wrote and published my first book (still receives outstanding reviews), followed by a second one and a series of e-books.
• Was invited by the then-editor of United Press International’s Religion and Spirituality Forum to become a weekly columnist after he read my first book. This began my weekly online publishing process on their site and others. It’s a thrill (and an honor) when a site owner or newsletter publisher emails a request for me to become one of their site’s regular article writers, or to receive an email from an appreciative reader.
• Started my own weekly newsletter, read by people in so many countries it surprises me (and fulfills me). Creating each new issue is a highpoint of my week.
• Made friendships and associations that enhanced my experience (and created potential opportunities that, happily, aren’t affected by my move—the Internet, again), and had some incredible times with remarkable people. I leave with a treasure trove of memories.
• Saw some truly gorgeous areas of the Northeast.
• Received a life and self education I could never, and in some instances, would never have planned—though each was a valuable part of my experience.

A friend sent me Chris Guillbeau’s book, “The Art of Non-Conformity.” I found this quote in his book that relates to my feelings about this major moment in my life: “Perform an instant gut check: yes or no? If you have a bad feeling about something, say no. If you feel slightly intimidated but also excited, say yes.”

Making this move has been on my mind for months. Then a dear, long-time friend made an offer on the morning of Christmas Eve that I not only couldn’t refuse, but knew was sent directly from the Universe or Source, or whatever word you use for the Infinite. My soul/spirit/gut knew I was making the move—the right move. It took a few more days for my ego-mind to get on board and for my mouth to utter “Yes,” even though I began a rigorous de-cluttering process that day. There are even moments when it all feels crazy.

Just as Source planted the seed that took root and propelled me quickly to NYC a decade ago, I’m being propelled even faster back South. I don’t have the exact date, but I should be heading back or already there by mid-January.

I’ll be staying at my friend’s house, while I look for and set up my own place. It could take a month, or either side of that, to get settled in and set up. This means State of Appreciation will be on vacation until that time, and it’s the same for my other business activities. However, you can keep up with progress reports on my Blog at or connect with me on Facebook. I’m certain I can use someone’s computer to check email as often as possible, but my usual activities will be on hold or limited, and resumed once I’ve gotten everything arranged.

Obviously, I’m going to be busy getting everything organized between now and the departure date; so if you contact me and I don’t respond right away, that’s why. Email is best, as I type a lot faster than most phone conversations take. Time is at a premium now. Email will be checked daily until I pack my computer.

I repeat: thank goodness for the Internet! I will miss my close and closest friendships here (and the pups that I am an auntie to). Phones, emails, Facebook, and emailed/mailed photos will soften that separation somewhat—but only somewhat. At the same time, I’m returning to family and dear friends, including some new friends there I’ve met online only and will now be able to meet in person.

I will miss the stunning view from my windows, the convenience of being in short walking distance to anything I need, and especially the warm evenings shared with my dear friends on Winnie’s porch—the best porch anywhere. I’m grateful to my friend who created an image (that is going with me) of Winnie’s wonderful house and porch.

I welcome how much easier it is to get certain things accomplished where I’m going. I welcome being in the same place as my friend who is in all ways my dearest sister.

A number of my friends are making big moves in their lives at this time. I’m in good company, as we all move into a new year, new decade, and next phase of our lives.

I wish you a wonderful New Year and a new year filled with wonders,
Joyce (Or, the Universe may surprise me and reveal I just needed a real good declutter session and I'm to stay here... but I think that's unlikely.)

Friday, December 24, 2010

Do You Focus on Being Positive?

Who wouldn’t like to be in a positive state of mind all the time?! How’s that worked for you so far?

Despite your best efforts, it’s likely that staying in a positive state of mind all the time hasn’t been your reality. Here’s an important tip about this: it isn’t realistic. So, you might want to ease up on yourself about this.

A good reason to ease up about it is that if you focus on forcing yourself to be positive all the time or believe you should be, it actually means you perceive yourself as mostly NOT positive, which means you energize being in a negative state. This creates inner struggle and self-judgment that shows up in your outer experiences as less-positive moments and events. This is just not fun! Self-judgment or beating up on yourself is NOT the vibration you want Law of Attraction to match. It also means your focus is on how you think you should be rather than on what will move you forward, which is like nailing your shoe to the floor and turning in circles. You do a great deal of spinning in place, but go nowhere.

Too often, spirituality-based people believe they shouldn’t experience the full scope of our human emotions. How authentic is that, really? You don’t have to run amok; but you aren’t supposed to live in denial either. There is something you can do when you’re in a negative state: you can use a proven method to shift this a bit or a lot. Even a bit is better than none. An attitude improved even a small amount opens your mind and life to possibilities.

This is especially important if you feel any sense of strain or stress in your life and/or business. You can use one of the six methods offered below any time you feel your energy needs to be calmed, smoothed, soothed, or charged up. You’ll find the following methods are great ways to open your mind and get head-and-heart alignment about what the next step is in any situation. It’s important to start from where you are so you can figure out where to go next. The foundation of Self Energy Management is to know you CAN manage it.

Six Methods to Shift Your Energy and Emotions

1. Write the story of what you feel is happening. Scale how triggered you feel, with 1 being “Not much at all” and 10 being “Completely overwhelmed.” I used this with an angry friend. She said she was at an 8. Next, we scaled what had made her angry, with 1 being “Somewhat inconvenient” and 10 being “Completely devastating”. She ranked it a 3. She was giving level 8 energy to something she ranked a 3. Her expression was a Kodak moment.

2. What do you think is working now? Why is it working? What’s not quite right yet? What would make it more right? How do you want to feel? What might your next action be, to feel more of how you want to feel?

3. Create a statement that allows you to move closer to how you want to feel. Think of this as a bicycle you’re walking along a path. When you find the right statement, you’ll be able to put your foot on the pedal and hop on. “I feel better,” may be too much too soon. “I could feel better” may work or may still be too much. It’s okay. You’re looking for the statement that let’s you get onto the bike and ride it. What about, “I want to believe I can feel better”? Maybe, “I want to believe I can believe I can feel better,” is the one where you feel your foot on the pedal. Remember, no judgment. Honest answers allow you to create the first shift.

4. Ask questions like: What do I intend to do in this moment? How can I help myself do this? What can I do for myself right now? What are my choices (inner and/or outer levels)? What can I learn? How can I grow from here? What do I feel right now? How do I prefer to feel? What stops me from feeling this way now? In everyday matters, what usually stops you from feeling the way you prefer is your choice to do so. And, check to see if you’re giving level-8 energy to a level-3 issue.

5. Write down what you don’t want (I don’t want to be undervalued and underpaid; I don’t want a partner who doesn’t listen to me). Some might say that if you practice Law of Attraction, this is not the thing to do. However, your DON’T WANTS are floating around in your mind, so you might as well give them the voice you’ve been denying them. Get them all out, every last one of them. Next, ask yourself what you don’t want to feel (afraid, insecure, etc.). Let loose. Write it all down. Now, what do you want (getting new and repeat clients to be effortless, meeting my ideal partner to be effortless, etc.)? Write and don’t censor. Next, what do you want to feel (in flow, abundant, successful)? Last, write a letter and tell Spirit what you want and why. Ask Spirit to show you how to open to receive this or what your next step is.

6. You suffer over most matters because of a belief. Often, the belief is, “This shouldn’t be happening.” “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.” What core belief do you have about your issue or situation? Does this belief serve you? How does this belief manifest in your life? How do you feel about this? Ask yourself if you feel okay about making even a small shift now. Think of a similar time when you had a similar feeling (it doesn’t have to be a similar matter or situation, just that you felt similarly then to how you do now), and it worked out. How did you manage yourself or work that one out? Maybe you used an inner process, an outer process, or both. What worked then and how can you use what you did then now?

You now have a better idea of why you don’t want to try to force a positive state or why it’s important not to feel less when you do not feel positive. But you do want to pay attention to how often you use negative statements, even as a form of humor. The Universal Quantum Field doesn’t get that you’re trying to be funny through sarcasm. It takes each and every one of your comments as an instruction to fulfill or a feeling to match.

Shifting your energy allows you to shift your vibration so you attract something else, something better. When you are in a positive state, enjoy and make the most of it. When you aren’t, as soon as you’re ready, shift it.

Just remember to ease up on yourself. Recognize realistic expectations and goals and unrealistic ones. It’s healthy and natural to challenge yourself to grow. It’s self-defeating to expect yourself to always be in a positive state of mind as you move through your process of inner and outer growth. You will, however, experience positive shifts if each night before you go to sleep, you repeat five times, “As I sleep, I have dreams that cause me to have energy and enthusiasm, financial serenity and abundance, and freedom from stress, as my way of life. And so it is.”

[Excerpts from: Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business, available at Lulu.]

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Which Expectations Did You Inherit?

You know it’s important to identify and shift limiting beliefs, but how can you more easily identify the more subtle ones you inherited? One sure way is to look carefully at your expectations.

As a child, and even now, you learn and absorb beliefs about everything, limiting or not, by hearing them, through observing the actions of others, and energetically . . . because we ARE able to perceive the subconscious energy patterns of each other. And, you deliberately and successfully shift some beliefs. All beliefs become expectations; and many of them are quite subtle. They make their appearance, often in a flash, and are likely dismissed by you just as quickly.

In discussions about Law of Attraction, you are told desire is a key element. You already desire a great many things you still do not have. If desire alone did it, you would have it. One reason you do not have some of these desires is because what you EXPECT blocks them. Desire IS important, but expectation is far more important.

Let’s get something significant covered: there is a greater plan at work for you and your life that your soul has a commitment to fulfill while you are here. If you try to avoid your soul purpose or aim at something that will not fulfill it, you will bump into proverbial brick walls set up to get you back on track, however long that takes. We too often follow what ego craves, or expectations of others, rather than what our soul came here to do. When a desire isn’t fulfilled, it’s important to discover if this is because it does not match your soul purpose or because of expectations that block its fulfillment.

You can assist your soul purpose and create more desirable experiences by getting clear about the expectations you carry. Desire is a form of energy: a mental exercise. Expectation is creative energy in action. Expectations come in two flavors, so-to-speak: What you really expect to happen and the expectations you hold about yourself, both of which are likely, primarily subconscious.

You can uncover negative expectations by stating what you desire, or an affirmation about it, and pay attention to what your inner voice says immediately afterwards. The voice will either support or refute the possibility of what you desire ever happening. This voice repeats what you learned and absorbed from others about how life works, or how life for someone of your social-, income-, or education-level (gender, age, etc.) works.

Then there are the expectations you hold about yourself. These come from comments, observed actions, and energetic beliefs others held about you that were communicated to you and then carried by you into your experiences, past and current (and future), and have more power over you than any affirmation or action you take.

Set aside time to list expectations you’ve carried about yourself and about your life. Example: If you’re a woman, and depending on your age, you may have been raised with the expectation that your husband would support you financially; and, maybe your reality is that you either have to or have chosen to support yourself. Can you see the potential contrasts and conflicts that could come up for you about this and how they may defeat your success and joy in doing this? If you’re a man, what expectations were placed on you about making a living and making a life, or expected behaviors?

Contrasts that create current confusions can be found in your personality blueprint. If you carry expectations that demand you feel and do things that are not in your blueprint, you will feel like you’re on a hamster wheel going nowhere, or not far, or even backwards. You may be expected by others, or may expect yourself, to be someone who goes into the world like a powerhouse and does things in a particular way; yet, your blueprint may show that to succeed and be fulfilled you need to follow a very different path; or the reverse may be true for you. This and other such contrasts create tremendous stress, frustration, and feelings of being a failure that do not have to be your experience.

"Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It's a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do." - Neale Donald Walsch

Walsch’s quote reaches into the heart of the matter; though, I’d add knowing the foundation of who you are needs to be included. Your blueprint can be your soul-felt guide about your true nature and expression, what works best to lead you to success in every area of your life. You can enhance choices, decisions, and how you fulfill your life vision and purpose by shedding negative expectations you carry and trusting what you discover or already know about how you can best express who you authentically are and came here to be. You can become comfortable and confident “in your own skin.”

You don’t have to start the new year with expectations that have not served you so far. Give yourself some time to list as many expectations as come up for you. Pause when they surface and look at them. Ask yourself how they influence your choices, as well as how you feel about yourself and your life. Feel your truth and write these truths down so you can refer back to them.

Go through your blueprint to see where contrasting self-expectations show up and what is revealed about your truest form of expression in all areas of your life, and let this guide you and what you expect. Compare your blueprint with that of your spouse or partner to discover subtle contrasts and what to do about them, and shift unsupportive expectations imposed on each other. See what the blueprint of your child or children shows you about how to help them grow into fulfilled, self-reliant adults. Expand appreciation of yourself and significant others in your life.

Appropriate supportive expectations create desired results.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Reveal what your soul wants to express through Your Personality Blueprint. Joyce Shafer (, You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at

Friday, December 17, 2010

What Are the Differences Between Soul Needs and Ego Needs?

We are souls in physical form, and we have an ego that is meant to serve us in specific ways. Frustration happens when we get their needs confused (or ignore them) rather than have them work together.

Let’s look at some ways to differentiate between ego needs and soul needs.

Ego serves us in ways that move us to take actions in our daily lives, actions meant to keep us alive and, hopefully, thriving. Ego seeks to feel a certain way, often motivated by material demands that originate outside of our soul desires; and this need leads to good choices and not so good ones. It follows logic, sometimes self-logic that desires to avoid pain at all times, rather than our emotional heart. It speaks to us in ways like, “Gotta make a change!” From ego, we may sometimes be forceful in striving for and achieving our aims.

Soul does not respond to force. It recognizes that painful or unpleasant emotions are facets of all we are capable of feeling, like needed colors in a rainbow. Soul knows we are always in flow, that our experiences have purpose for us; and its aim is for us to thrive as whole beings within the bigger picture of life. It asks us to pay attention to everything we think, feel, say, and do or don’t do. It asks us to seek what fulfillment means for us in all things, to listen to what our emotional heart tells us. Soul speaks to us through our emotional heart using intuition and positive and negative feelings. Negative feelings are as much a part of our soul-self’s communication system as positive ones.

Mainstream dissuades us from remembering that our emotional heart is another form of intelligence we possess, one that knows us intimately; whereas logic focuses on what the (usually fearful) ego wants. Ego wants to fill any void with whatever it believes will make it feel good or better. Soul wants us to empty out what no longer belongs inside us and to feel our way to what it is that truly needs to occupy that space as what will allow us to express our true selves. What fills our ego needs may not fill our soul needs. What fills our soul needs takes care of our ego needs.

Ego believes power comes from winning, from creating and having positive experiences. Soul knows the truth of our power and seeks to integrate our inner and outer power through learned wisdom into a desired collaboration between soul and ego as a way of life. Soul knows nothing is lacking, and it strives to remind us of this through sadness, frustration, depression, serenity, and joyful appreciation . . . so that we seek the truth and live from it.

Ego says, “Get rid of any negative feeling immediately.” Soul says, “Be with your feelings in a gentle way so you can get quiet and hear my message.”

Ego pushes us to look outside ourselves to define who we are. Soul asks us to know ourselves and to fearlessly reveal who we are to others through our words and actions, our talents and abilities, our visions and goals. Ego says, “I don’t love who I am, so I have to pretend to be what I believe will be acceptable.” Soul says, “No pretense ever lasts. Be who you are, who you came here to be, just as you are now and are becoming.” Ego says, “Fake it till you make it.” Soul says, “Start where you are and evolve deliberately.”

Ego wants emptiness filled in a hurry because it cannot tolerate it. Soul knows that the fastest way to fill emptiness is to allow emptiness, to surrender the ego needs about it when it shows up, and appreciate whatever value and guidance it presents. Your soul knows that appreciation of what is, is always responded to with more to appreciate. Balance of soul and ego happens when we align our inner perspective with ego’s ability to take action that’s in our best interest and for our higher evolution.

As you move through this holiday season, and as we approach not only a new year but a new decade, consider exploring how to create collaboration and alignment between ego and soul, with thriving as their common goal for you, and see what gets created from it.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to reprint this article as long as you use my bio as it is published here.

Reveal what your soul wants. Order Your Personality Blueprint today from Joyce Shafer (, You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Do the Gurus Confuse You?

If you desire or feel desperate for change, you may seek out one or more gurus to help you move forward. But what if their message creates a contrast for or confuses you?

I like to listen to what the gurus have to say about . . . nearly everything! I’m curious and a committed life-long learner. However, sometimes aspects of their messages (especially about success) are quite different from each other, or something in me, and I wonder if this is confusing for other listeners.

The other day, I listened to a well-known, well-respected success guru whose information was valuable. Then he said to succeed we have to work day and night and weekends. This really tweaked me because working that way contrasts with my physical reality, and as I know, is not in my personality blueprint. Been there, done that, got ill from it.

I thought, “What about others who have less natural energy than his advice requires? How will they feel when they hear this?” They’ll likely feel like failures or lazy, when they’re not. It’s also what could be called a masculine approach. You can find online my article “Does Gender Influence Prosperity?” to see how a masculine approach to life and business can negatively impact women’s lives and health (and even some men).

Another success guru I listened to the next day said her business and life improved dramatically as soon as she stopped working as much as she had been, and began to give herself three days off each week. I thought about those people whose blueprints are high energy and how this kind of approach might frustrate them, and the relief (permission to be) it might bring to those with less natural energy.

Which guru is right? Did you resonate with one more than the other—not just agree, but really resonate? There’s a reason for this resonance.

Each of us has a unique blueprint, which means your core nature is what it is. Frustration happens when you attempt to go against your core nature or believe there’s something wrong with how your core nature needs to be expressed.

The two gurus mentioned here don’t intend to confuse anyone; they have their own blueprint natures, and they’re going to share with others what works for them. Here’s a valuable tip: any strategic information a guru offers is what you want to pay attention to. Any advice anyone gives that contrasts with your blueprint (your true nature) is something you need to give a different level of consideration to.

However, even strategic information needs to take your blueprint characteristics into account, because if you do what’s recommended in a way that isn’t natural for you . . . yup, more frustration, more of what makes you feel like a failure . . . and is preventable, if you know what your unique blueprint requires.

How you work best; how you relate to others in your closest, social, and professional relationships; your natural level of energy and more is revealed in your blueprint. Some of what’s there, you’ve already discovered or are aware of on some level and has been made obvious through your life experiences. And it’s likely you’ve tweaked certain characteristics to make them more compatible with your life.

When you need ideas and solutions for life and/or business, it’s a good idea to research and give other people’s strategies a chance. You already know there’s a great deal of information available to you, enough to confuse you, in fact. So, when it comes down to how you apply their strategies to experience your life or which ones to choose, it’s best if you refer to your own soul’s blueprint, the most accurate foundation of your being.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

Reveal what your soul wants. Order Your Personality Blueprint today from Joyce Shafer (, You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Benefit from empowering articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; see more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; & get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at

Friday, December 10, 2010

Do You Feel Empty or Full?

Perhaps you have certain feelings or longings that are vague, or sharp. These are callings from your soul, drawing attention to areas of you that need to be filled.

At one time or another, you may feel one or more of the following:
-Depressed or at least that you could feel happier
-Desirous of more meaning in and for your life
-As though there is a void inside you and you don’t know how to fill it
-Disillusioned about life and relationships
-(Your own longing here)

Just as a desire (different from a wish) to do or be something means you have the capacity to achieve it, so does feeling a sense of longing mean your soul craves fulfillment and full expression. You, as so many do, may look to satisfy this longing from outside of yourself with more of something: money, material objects, sex, control, a perfect job, a perfect relationship, and so on. Perhaps you get these and discover you still feel empty. There’s a reason for this.

We’ve confused meeting our soul’s needs with solving what we call problems in our lives (more money, material objects, sex, control, a perfect job, a perfect relationship, and so on). Somewhere along the way, we’ve brainwashed ourselves (with the help of others who are also brainwashed in this way) that a proper life is problem-free, perfect. You are a soul having a physical experience, and you did not come here to have a problem-free, “perfect” experience. You came here to expand the depth of who you are; and to do this you must move through a depth of experiences and glean from them the value they hold for you so you can expand how you feel about your experience of being.

Your soul (your true nature) is a quality as much as it is an entity, so it (you) seeks experiences to enhance the quality of your life—the one you live inside your self. You can expand your understanding of this if you think of what the term Soul Food means: food that nourishes and pleases your physical and emotional senses, your sense of community, your memories. Soul Food provides a specific quality of experience. You go to a Soul Food restaurant deliberately to have such an experience. So does your soul enter a physical life for the same reason.

We confuse ourselves with the belief that life would be what it’s “supposed” to be if it were free of what troubles us. Yet, inside each trouble, problem, or issue is a message from our soul and the answer that will satisfy it. We rush to get rid of anything we label negative rather than look at it, which would help us discover more about ourselves in a way that would further nurture and feed our souls. This exploration and its positive results, rather than denial, is a primary reason life coaching is now such an integral part of our society’s evolution. Coaching doesn’t dwell on issues, but dives into them just long enough to find the root and pull it up painlessly. Trimming weeds never gets rid of them; you must deal with them from the root, give them a relatively quick yank from the soil. Not addressing troubling issues that hold our attention is a form of soul deprivation.

Let’s look at the feeling that your life isn’t as meaningful as you believe it can or should be. That emptiness is your soul’s message to discover what IS meaningful for you and to include it in your life. An empowering question to ask about this or anything you feel you lack within is, “Can you feel a desire for more meaning (or whatever) WITHOUT feeling disempowered?”

We tend to latch onto the feeling of disempowerment when facing issues. But are we ever truly disempowered? No. And, what do we avoid when we feel disempowered? We avoid experiencing more of what would fill us: more often than not, giving and receiving more love and care to ourselves and others. “I’m discontent so I HAVE to be rude (or some other negative expression of our discontented, fearful selves),” is how we justify certain behaviors that never bring our ultimately-desired results.

You cannot have light without shadow or darkness. You can shine light into shadows and darkness in order to see what’s really there. More often that not, what we find there is a BELIEF that we can’t deal with or won’t want to see what lurks there. A belief is not a solid thing, though it creates real experiences in our minds and oftentimes in our lives. What you entertain or thrash in your mind is what your brain believes is actually happening, and it responds with either good feelings or bad ones that create good experiences or bad ones, first at the inner then eventually the outer levels.

What can you do for this symptom of the soul? Be fully where you are rather than in a regretful past or anxious future. Choose to live each moment with an open mind and heart, trusting that you can adjust as needed, trusting that you are always empowered just by being. You can live your moments differently, deliberately, which can bring you through any situation with conscious awareness and the ability to see and use the soul value of it.

Denial is how you alienate yourself from your life and the fullness you might create in it. Denial keeps you from discovering your true nature and its strengths and beauties, then expressing these in your life. What does any level of suffering reveal to you? The answer will never be found in avoidance, only in a caring conversation with your soul self.

This approach not only can enrich your life and soul experience, but you can offer this to others as well. What will support you is to accept that you (and others) are in progress at all times. Let go of the belief that you are supposed be perfect. That isn’t what your soul seeks. Listen to your soul’s whispers and shouts for what needs filling, address these in the moment you’re in, and you’ll begin to feel emptiness being filled.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to reprint this article as long as you use my complete bio.

Shift self-sabotaging behaviors & discover your authentic self through Your Personality Blueprint with Joyce Shafer (, You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Big Question for Many: Who Am I, Really?

It seems a minority of people feel genuinely at home in their skin, know who they are and how to go after what they want, and live as their authentic selves. Why is this?

Let’s look at where things go off track for the others. We have a perplexing set-up as human beings: We come into our lives to be individualized expressions of our unique selves AND are completely dependent on others to meet our basic needs, for a period of time; and hopefully they meet more than just the basics. After a certain age, we still need others to fulfill the various aspects of our lives.

As we grow up, we find we have certain likes and dislikes and certain feelings, all or some of which are either supported or discouraged by others, who are initially our caregivers; then others are included as our circle of others expands. It’s either implicit or explicit that if we want acceptance from particular family members or the family unit (and beyond that unit, i.e., schools, places of religious worship, work environments, etc.), we are to demonstrate certain behaviors, even if it means suppressing what we genuinely feel and who we genuinely are at times. Sometimes, even the exploration of who we really are is discouraged. A minority are encouraged to explore who they really are and to create a way to have a fulfilling life according to who they know themselves to be.

Because we realized that social environments function better if we seek to collaborate and tolerate each other within a range of what we call acceptable behaviors, we aim at ways to accomplish this and adjust these relationships on an ongoing basis. But a conflict exists: We feel driven to explore and express ourselves as unique individuals and also driven by our need to conform (within an acceptable range) to standards of behaviors.

The point to be made here is that just as any structure has a foundation arranged a certain way, no matter how the interior and exterior walls are painted or decorated later, so do you have a personality blueprint that is your foundation, no matter what else you decorate that with or how many times you change, adjust, modify, or try to force the outward bits—what you show others about who you are.

Aspects of who you are, which you may have believed or that others may have told you are foibles, flaws, or character failures can show up as part of your blueprint, meaning they are part of you and your life for a reason, for a purpose; and no pep-talk is ever going to change the fact of it, though you may be able to modify these aspects so they work in your favor. Knowing and accepting this, can act as a form of permission for you to be you.

It is enormously frustrating to know something about yourself and either believe it’s wrong to be that way or that there’s something wrong with you. I’m not referring to serious psychiatric matters that do need attention, but rather the issues many deal with on a daily basis that cause self-doubt (and self-disapproval) to be so rampant. We do this to ourselves, and we do this to others.

• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) is going to happen if your blueprint is one of low energy and others are insisting that you have to be high energy or higher than you naturally are.
• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) is going to happen if you are more like the tortoise than the hare about making big decisions and one or more “hares” are saying there must be something wrong with you.
• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) is going to happen if what you really believe would be a fulfilling career and life for you is being touted as too small by bold, adventurous types or too risky by those who need safe plateaus.
• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) is going to happen when you feel and behave one way when you’re with others and it’s never or seldom how you behave on your own, and you believe something is wrong with you for being this way.
• Self-doubt (and self-disapproval) happens when you feel or know yourself to be one way but have been convinced by yourself or others that you HAVE to (should) feel or be another way; and this avoidance or denial of your authentic self rubs like sandpaper against your soul’s desired expression.

From the moment we’re born, there are a number of people telling us what we should think, feel, say, do, believe, and be like. And it continues long after childhood. It’s far too seldom that anyone asks, “What do you really feel (think, believe, have to say, want to do)?” Is it any wonder so many people are confused and even afraid to explore who they are, despite craving this?

A good place to start is to ask your self what YOU think and feel. You don’t have to necessarily act on it right off; just agree to be honest with yourself about anything you feel in conflict with about who you know yourself to be. It’s pretty darn difficult to aim at a fulfilling, successful life when you don’t have a clue what that means for your authentic nature, and are afraid to explore this.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to reprint this article as long as you use my complete bio.

Shift self-sabotaging behaviors & discover your authentic self through Your Personality Blueprint with Joyce Shafer (, You Are More! Empowerment Coach, author of I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, but I Have Something to Say & other books/ebooks. Articles & Extras in her free weekly newsletter; more about Your Personality Blueprint profiles & coaching; get How to Have What You REALLY Want free when you subscribe at

Friday, December 3, 2010

Why Is Positive Manifestation So Darn Difficult?

We’ve got negative manifestation down, right? So why do we struggle with positive manifestation? It’s about Frequencies and Circuitries.


I learned a fact in 1985, used it often, and then forgot I knew it.

Okay, I didn’t actually forget it; after a while I just forgot to recall that I knew it AND forgot about the positive experiences it creates when used deliberately and consistently. I think a lot of us do that: Learn something really beneficial and effective, use it a while, then shelf it when we get busy and we think we Just Don’t Have the Time. But best results happen only if we make the time.

If you do affirmations or visualizations while your brainwave frequencies are in the Beta range (15 cycles per second or higher), you’re in the Ego-Logic Brain State (Left Brain). Basically, you’re talking to yourself. I’m not saying Source isn’t listening (that’s not true), but Source provided us with a creation field that operates at a certain frequency, so we need to match it (and we certainly can). Kind of like, “Tune to Channel 14 for optimum, static-free creation communication.”

If you want to communicate and do your most productive “work” in the creation field, you have to be in the Alpha brainwave frequency or below (14 cycles per second or lower). There is MUCH evidence about this being the effective channel (or as Jose Silva, creator of Silva UltraMind called it, Effective Sensory Projection level), which we all can access, and do when we

• Start to fall asleep
• First wake up
• Brush our teeth
• Shave
• Daydream
• When we enter Right Brain activity, like when an artist paints and is in the zone
• Aim our eyes 45 degrees upward (as though looking up at a traffic light, or when we want to recall information)
• Meditate properly

At such times, your mind is in a more relaxed state, not actively or frantically moving thoughts around in the Left Brain-Logic field. You’re in the creative energy field . . . and you will get far better results at this frequency than in Beta.


Brain circuits used most often are trained to be the ones traveled with the least resistance. We build these very real neural pathways with our thoughts. If you train your thoughts to be negative or positive ones regarding events that happen, words you hear, or what you observe, that’s the feeling pathway you’ll follow first or more easily when triggered by a particular happening. This is why it can be a challenge to shift from negative thinking to positive—the positive pathways haven’t been constructed or are still under construction. You can’t wish for this construction to happen, you have to deliberately build it, one thought at a time.

Jose Silva wrote in one of his earlier books that the brain is more energetic When Less Active. This aligns with the fact that your potential to manifest (or whatever word you like) is optimal when your brainwave frequencies are at 14 cycles per second or less; in other words, less active (not in busy mind state). When you stress and strain mentally and emotionally, your body perceives this (as it was designed to) as a threat to your survival. It goes into fight-or-flight mode; and this mode will never ever be receptive, creative mode—only attack or run mode.

You can go to the Silva UltraMind website and scroll down to the options they offer. One option is to have nine free lessons emailed to you. You also receive guided meditation audios that bring you into the Alpha frequency that you can download and use every day.

I’ve been using other meditation methods, and not every day. But when I listened to the centering audio SUM sent to me, it took me back to 1985, when I learned the Silva method. It also took me back to how life felt and was when I went “into level” at least once a day, but usually twice . . . how easily information used to come to me, how I could see how events would go ahead of them happening (i.e., meetings, etc.), how I used dreams to get ideas and answers, and the many, many other benefits this method provides.

I did the 25-minute audio twice the first day, and I WAS relaxed! When I looked in the mirror the next day (after my morning meditation), my face and my countenance was smooth—because I was relaxed. That night, I stated I would have a dream that gave me needed information about something, and that I’d easily recall the information. Boy, did that work! I was shown a piece of paper that had these words written on it: “Your desire for change is what’s creating all the drama.” I was being told, “Relax, already!” Any time we strain or stress for a desired change, we get more of what we don’t want and block receiving what we do. Like many of you, I know this. Like many of us, it’s easy to forget we know this.

How would it feel to deliberately, deeply relax one or more times a day or receive significant information that benefits you rather than struggle for it?

The crux of this is that we have a brain that interacts with our mind. We can deliberately use both in our best interest, or not. One method leads to more serenity and positive experiences in life; the other leads to more struggle.

You are what you practice.
© Joyce Shafer