Mind Your Own
Business
By Barbara Berger
(Excerpts from Are You Happy Now? 10
Ways to Live a Happy Life)
The number 5 cause of suffering and unhappiness is
minding other people’s business.
Having healthy boundaries
When you mind your own business, it is
a sign that you understand what it means to have healthy boundaries. When we
have healthy boundaries, we understand that I am me and you are you and that
each of us has a right to be here and to be who we are. It also means that each
of us has the right to make choices for ourselves and then to experience the
consequences of all our thoughts, words and actions. When we have healthy
boundaries we understand this and respect everyone’s right to be or do what
feels right for them (and experience the consequences).
As a result of having healthy
boundaries we respect other people’s rights and we expect other people to
respect our rights. This means that when you tell someone how they should think
or feel or what they should say or do when they don’t specifically ask for your
advice, you are not respecting their boundaries and their right to be them. And
it works the other way too. Which means when someone tells you how you should
think or feel or what you should say or do when you don’t specifically ask them
for their advice; they are not respecting your boundaries and your right to be
you. Either way, these are examples of boundary violations and feel
uncomfortable when they arise. So minding your own business means to respect
other people and not tell them what to think, say or do unless they
specifically ask for your advice or opinion.
When you start to understand this
mechanism and begin to notice what you’re doing, you’re probably going to find
that a lot of the time you’re everywhere except at home with yourself. If this
is the case, don’t despair. Becoming aware of this mechanism is in itself a
powerful impulse for transformation. And it works automatically because as you
start to see what you are doing, your natural inclination will be to pull back
your ideas and suggestions as to what you think is good for other people. Your
natural inclination will be to let them decide for themselves. Because as you
wake up, it becomes obvious that you can’t know what’s good for them anyway. In
my experience, thinking that you can or do, causes nothing but pain and
personal anguish.
So all we’re left with is the question
– whose business are you in? Theirs or yours?
Read the rest of Mind Your Own Business by Barbara Berger on Guest Articles page at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com/guest-articles.html#.UPGKUB3BGSo
Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul (published
in 30 languages) and The Awakening Human
Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind. Her highly acclaimed book, Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy
Life (already published in 14 languages) is being released in the US and the UK
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