If you're not familiar
with what reframing is, I have a quote from American Actress Shelley Winters
that is an example: "I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too
short."
Why would anyone need
to reframe what-is? Reality is what it is, isn't it? Maybe. We know that how we
perceive things is how we experience them. This is why two people can see or
hear the same thing and respond or react differently. Sometimes, this means we
ignore the obvious, perhaps make excuses. Other times, it means the story we
tell ourselves causes us to feel bad rather than better. When your attention is
primarily on things as they are, or seem to be, you block expansion of what-is
and what is possible.
Reframing is so very
important because if we don’t put it into practice, we can exhaust ourselves or
make ourselves ill as a result of all the opposing thoughts to what-is that we
have and repeat to ourselves and others. Our opposing thoughts can, instead,
get our attention onto the fact there is deep-level resistance going on about
what-is, and it’s likely about something we feel we can’t change or are afraid
to change. Viktor Frankl gave us his renowned quote that relates to reframing:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human
freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose
one’s own way.”
During the course of a
day, or a lifetime, we tell ourselves a lot of things. Maybe we say we can't be
happy, confident, serene, or whatever we want to feel until we lose 20 pounds,
have a certain bank balance, or reach whatever parameter we place out ahead of
us. Will we attain our goals and dreams faster and easier if we delay feeling
the way we want to until we accomplish what we aim to? Even if this doesn’t
cause delay, why feel bad in the process? We waste time and energy waiting for
circumstances and ourselves to be perfect or ideal so that we can feel good
“when” instead of feeling that way now. Neale Donald Walsch said, “Happiness is
not produced by conditions; conditions are produced by happiness.”
"It is impossible
to be both grateful and depressed. Those with a grateful mindset tend to see
the message in the mess. And even though life may knock them down, the grateful
find reasons, if even small ones, to get up." – Steve Maraboli
A good time to reframe
is when an outcome is less than we expect or hope for. Times such as these are
not "failures," but valuable information-gathering experiences. (Did
you notice how the last sentence used reframing?) You can choose to make every
outcome or process work for you rather than against you. This may not feel
natural or simple, but if you do it, you'll move forward rather than stand
still. That is the real power of reframing. “The only thing that ever prevents
your receiving something that you desire is that your habit of thought is
different from your desire,” said Abraham-Hicks.
Reframing takes us out
of the mono-vision we can get locked into. If we look around, we see lots of
people enjoying themselves in ways we're putting off until... Do you know
anyone who is not a millionaire, but is happy? Do you know any men or women
without perfect bodies who are happy and in romantic relationships? Do you know
anyone with a health or physical issue who not only gets around, but enjoys as
fulfilling a life as possible? One thing can be assumed about such people: they
tell themselves a story that is different from what someone else may tell
themselves. They are reframing experts. Aristotle advised, “What we expect,
that we find.”
Pick something you're
putting off feeling better about until you reach a specific outcome. Choose to
feel good just as things are and just as you are. This doesn't mean you don't
still aim at your desired outcomes, it means you give yourself permission to
enjoy yourself and your life right now, and feel and express appreciation,
which is the ultimate vibration to send out, whatever the circumstances. It’s a
good practice, one you’ll appreciate.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce L. Shafer
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