When Asking WHY Is and Is Not a Good Idea

Something happens, and we want to know Why me? Why this? Why now? But those are not the best questions to ask. When is asking Why the right question?

When something unpleasant happens, we tend to ask why; and often, negative stories quickly get attached as our ego-aspect starts rifling through old emotional files or starts imagining new, equally unpleasant (or worse) scenarios. The ego-aspect tends to embellish what-is, makes it even more dramatic, as though what-is isn’t already enough. If we have difficulty dealing with what-is, we won’t or don’t do better if we make our feelings about what happened even more intense in our mind.

What happens the first time we ask WHY and attach negative stories (or any time we practice negativity) is akin to the earth shifting a bit underfoot. We look down and see we’re standing in a shallow indent. Each subsequent time we follow this mental path, the hole gets a bit deeper. Do this enough times, and with enough emotion, and you eventually find yourself in the hole up to your neck, if not deeper. You may perceive or feel that you’re in so deep that you believe you can’t get out. That isn’t true, though; you can get out. If you’re in really deep, you may have to ask for assistance; but as long as you’re alive and conscious, you can get out.

One way to get out, perhaps the best way, is to change your why question to a how question: How can I heal from here or How can I move forward from here? Just keep in mind that “here” means you start from where you are, not from where your ego-aspect thinks you should be. You don’t have to wait for conditions to be a certain way or for someone to say or do a certain thing: you can start where you are, because it’s an inner journey first and foremost, no matter what.

Another helpful thing to do is to choose peace. This doesn’t mean an outward demonstration of it when you don’t feel it. No “Fake it till you make it”, please. You want genuine inner peace, which opens you in more ways than you might imagine, and leads you into natural, effortless outward demonstrations of the inner peace you feel. Responses you get from others and life when you are peaceful, as opposed to when your emotions are or stay roiled, are as different as night and day. If you want peace, be peace. Easier said than done? Sometimes; but it’s an excellent touchstone or guiding star.

How you attain inner peace is as much a part of the process as having it: it’s something you have to determine for yourself. “Why aren’t I peaceful?” is an unhelpful question that causes the mind to search for and find many things that upset you, in order to respond to your question, but not provide any solution or resolution. “How can I be peaceful?” or “How can I be peace” are effective questions that open your mind to find a better path to follow. A quick answer to this latter question: choose it.

There is a time, however, when WHY is a good question to ask; and it comes from an interview I watched of Evanna Lynch, the young woman who played Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films. She’d read the books in print at the time, and was familiar with the character. When she saw the casting call, she thought, “Someone has to be Luna. Why not me?”

Someone has to be happy, serene, kind, peaceful, peace-promoting, forgiving, generous, spiritually aware, content, loving, fulfilled, in a right relationship, successful, creative, inspired, fun, having fun, employed or employed well, spiritually and emotionally strong, and so forth. Why not you? Think of your own words and follow them with, “Why not me?” The first thing you have to do to receive your good is be open to allowing it in. This “why not me” question unlocks the door.

It’s a question you can apply to anything you imagine or dream about, but perhaps feel some doubt about attaining, achieving, or accomplishing. If you think about it, why not you; especially, if someone has to fill that role, whatever that role may be.

Our inner work is as much about equipping ourselves to move through and beyond challenges with as much grace as we can muster, as it is to smooth some of the rough spots ahead of us on the path before we reach them. Change your questions and you can change your experience of life. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Do You Count?

How many ways do you count in life? Sometimes you need to count; other times, you could let go of that need, in order to feel peaceful and on purpose.

We live in a global society that counts darn near, if not, everything. We count the odds, percentages, money, calories, wins, grievances, friends on social sites, who has what and if it’s more or less than we have, our “chickens before they hatch,” and so on. What are your reasons for counting what you count? What does some of your counting really mean to you: a way to keep track of what needs to be managed, or a way to establish self-worth in the eyes of others?

Minister Joyce Meyer spoke about a bible reading class she took in the early days, where participants were to read so many chapters a day in order to read the entire book in a year. She was quite self-pleased at all the checkmarks filling the days on her calendar positioned on the fridge so everyone could see it. She was reading but not learning, reading but not receiving and absorbing the messages in the texts. But the checkmarks were adding up, that is, until life got in the way. Then there were so many days without checkmarks, and those blank spaces kept adding up, until she was so far behind there was no way to catch up. Soon, she felt quite the opposite of self-pleased, which is a common result of counting the wrong things or counting for the wrong reason.

How often it is that we count things in life in order to prove to others that we count so that we can, we hope, feel that we do. Or, we do this so that our ego gets stroked, rather than so that we can share, or grow, or be of true service through significance. We do this because we believe the opinions of others before we believe in ourselves or the Truth about Source and from Source about how significant a contributor to the overall scheme of life each of us is.

Too often, we count in reverse; that is, we count what we perceive we lack. So much focus on lack causes us to ignore or forget what we could appreciate. As I thought about this writing, I kept hearing in my mind, Bing Crosby singing a lyric line from a song: “I go to sleep counting my blessings.” How often do you count your blessings? How often do you count the ways Source assists and supports you, not only at certain times, but every day?

One school of thought is that we should express gratitude for the thing we ask for, before we receive what we ask for. It’s a good practice. However, because of the way our ego-aspect sometimes thinks, this method trips us up because there’s more to this than just the words: there’s the FEELING we have, which is where the energy is that gets matched or fulfilled in ways appropriate for us, or holds our good at arm’s reach from us.

When we keenly feel the lack of something AND our foundation of trust in the Universe (Source) to support us in ways for our highest good is faulty, such a statement of gratitude-before-arrival feels false, unbelievable. The Law of Attraction is clear: we receive what we believe. Yes, you can state thanks before you receive what you ask for; but the most effective, authentic, and genuine expression of this is when true appreciation is attached, for what you already have and for how the Universe provides, especially once you get limiting beliefs out of the way and allow it to assist you.

Instead of saying, “Thank you for (whatever you’re asking for)” ahead of receiving it, it may work better to say, “Thank you for everything. Thank you for always knowing what I really need and providing it in right timing.” In fact, this is my preferred way of expressing appreciation to the Universe because inherent in it is absolute trust that the Universe has more information and resources than I do, and will connect me with them as and when it’s right.

I find it effective to pause and appreciate what I have, to recall and re-appreciate the numerous ways the Universe demonstrates its resourcefulness and creative ways of supporting me, despite how others apply their counting system to my experiences and life, which often has nothing to do with how the Universe views me or my experiences. I’m thankful for the ability to choose my thoughts, and for ALL the experiences that have helped me to learn how to do this better, which is all of them.

Recently, a new method to respond to internal complaining, counting, or negative thoughts has emerged in me. When any of these types of thoughts surface, I find myself switching into appreciation mode. I know a choice is made to do this, but the shift happens so quickly, I’m not aware of having made the choice, at least, this is the case a good deal of the time. I can only imagine this is a result of LOTS of practice about this.

These days I’m feeling the power of appreciation more and more, something we’ve been told (and told, and told) to do deliberately. And it isn’t a power used to get stuff (though, that’s an outcome in ways appropriate for me), but a power that creates serenity and joy in me. And to me, this is priceless. It’s a more in-flow way to be. It’s become a way to count my blessings, to bless my life, to bless others. It’s soothing, joyful, and has and serves purpose.

This week, pay attention to what you count and why, as well as how many times and ways you count in or contribute to the lives of others. Ask yourself, or feel in your heart, whether what you count assists you and your purpose, maybe even lifts you up, or whether it pulls you down. Any counting that leads you into deeper appreciation, and into it more often, is worth keeping count of. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.  

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Are You Too Nice?

A friend once said she believed the only thing to really fear was regret. Do you ever regret being nice, or being not nice?

I called the pharmacy to check on my mother’s billing and asked for Janell, the woman who’d helped me before. After a pause, the woman who’d answered the phone told me Janell had died. Though I’d only spoken with Janell a few times, she always remembered me and was so pleasant that I commented on it to her, and thanked her for it. I was glad, when I learned of her death, that I had no regret about our interactions, and that I’d told her how much I appreciated her.

When I first moved to New York City, people kept saying to me, “You’re so nice,” as though it was an anomaly. I heard it so often that it began to annoy me. I even took a Learning Annex class in Manhattan titled, “Stop Being So Nice.” It didn’t work (grin.) I now find this humorous; and instead of being annoyed these days, I would say “Thank you.”

I have “buttons” that can get pushed just as everyone else does, but I tend to aim at kindness or courtesy (often called niceness) first, whenever possible. People with more aggressive personalities think this is a flaw and aren’t shy about telling me so (another grin). But I think that whenever possible during a challenge, conflict, or contrast, it’s more productive to ask a right question than to make accusations or be rude.

This is a good way to stay in integrity and treat anyone else involved with integrity. (No one appreciates being treated without integrity. Look at the strife it causes in families, communities, and around the world.) Being able to do this automatically when triggered is something that happens after practicing it, perhaps after quite a lot of practice. Before this becomes automatic, you may state you need a pause when triggered and that you’ll get back to the person soon; then do so in a more productive frame of mind. 

Here’s a moderate example of keeping integrity. My mother told the physical therapy people that she’d be happy to go to therapy at 2 p.m., but not in the mornings. The next morning more than one therapist came to get her at different times, and she had to restate her preference. When we spoke about this, she expressed her annoyance and feeling that they were ignoring her wishes. I told her this might be what was going on and it might be there was a longer-than-desired gap between people getting therapy and they were bored (which is not her issue, but theirs), or it might be something else entirely. Without asking them, we didn’t have enough information to decide what this was about. I suggested she ask them this question: “What do we need to do so that you to come for me at 2:00 and not before?” This type of question states the issue, problem, or situation and involves the others in the solution. It shines a light on their actions without any rudeness or negative assertions. It is, well, nice.

Being nice can be relaxing, as long as it’s genuine, that is. False niceness isn’t nice at all, nor does it feel good the way genuine niceness does. It’s better to go for politeness based on empathy than false niceness. Genuine empathy and false niceness are both energies that will be picked up on by the recipient. The first one creates connection; the second one does not and cannot, and may, in fact, create more conflict.

I recently read something that really resonates for me: Student says, “I am very discouraged. What should I do?” Master says, “Encourage others.” This resonates because somewhere along the line, this very action, or at least being courteous to others when experiencing personal emotional upset, took root in me. And it never fails to make me feel better and to calm my emotions. I think this is because to do this requires me to take attention away from whatever has my ego-aspect off balance and place it, empathetically, onto others. The good energy my niceness inspires in them washes over me, and we are both nurtured. Whatever’s bothering me may not be resolved by this nice treatment of others, but I feel better. And better energy being matched by Law of Attraction is a desirable path to travel.

We all share a journey that’s not always an easy one. Even the briefest expression of empathy, and appreciation, can make a huge difference. This can even establish the nature of the relationship between you and those you do business with. This can sometimes be easier to do with strangers or associates than with family members you have contrasts with; but it can be done. It all depends on the result you desire; though, no result is guaranteed when one or more others are involved. But it is always a matter of whether or not you want to fill your life with small and large regrets or joys. It matters if you’re invested in evolving you and your spiritual development and connection with all, no matter what others choose.

I watched a Joyce Meyer program when she sang a Willie Nelson song to her husband, altering one lyric line in a poignant way to explain why she’d been so difficult to live with the first several years of their marriage: “I was always on my mind.” It’s like this for many of us. It’s understandable, but it can also be overdone by our ego-aspect that tends to forget we aren’t the only ones in our life with needs, desires, concerns, and fears.

Can you be too nice? I don’t think so. You can be too falsely nice in order to mask what you really feel or to avoid an unskillful sharing of your personal truth with others. But the world could use more niceness based in genuine caring, genuine courtesy, and genuine empathy for our shared experience of making our way through life and learning with lesser or greater or evolving awareness. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Do You React Unskillfully or Respond Skillfully to What-Is?

We want, and think we should have, a rosy path through life; but what we need are skills to navigate through the rose petals and the thorns. How skilled do you feel?

The general attitude about what-is, as I’ve observed and have at times personally experienced, is that it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable for us more than not. What-is is often considered to mean things aren’t going our way. My thought is that some of the contemporary positive mental attitude methods or their teachers may have led us astray in this matter, adding to this common perception about what-is that many seem to hold. Many of us still think we’re supposed to get or have our way, according to ego-based concepts, that is. Some believe this means at all times, despite the bigger picture we are all a part of and participants in. Falling short of this having-our-way leads to levels of frustration and self-doubt.

Although spiritual-metaphysical understanding can and does create desired experiences and outcomes, the belief that if we just do certain techniques or methods “right” we can eliminate anything we perceive as undesirable from happening, leaves us pretty much unskilled to manage our way through undesired what-is experiences that come our way. And they will and do come our way.

I’ll share a few of my own recent examples here. I’d decided the perfect time to take time off was from December 22, 2012 to January 2, 2013. What happened instead was that at Noon December 23, I was at the emergency room with my mother. We believed she’d be in overnight for observation. The what-is of it is that we didn’t leave the hospital until 2 p.m. December 30. It was a difficult, exhausting week for both of us. So you know, my mother is okay; and as she said the day before we left, she’s as strong as an ox, despite her ailments.

While there, I had to surrender to what-is, as well as accept that not only was there to be no time off, but that I had to be on 24 hours a day for 7 straight days, and most of it was quite challenging. I had to face “What you resist persists” and stop any and all resistance. I had to look at how ego-based attachments were a negative influence on me and let them go. I realized that hanging on to resistance and attachments was like clinging to a heavy boulder in deep water. I had to let go and surrender to what-is and rely on my spiritual foundation or sink. Once I did that, good things, helpful things and people, found the entryway clear to come to me.

Another couple of what-is experiences happened once I returned home. The turkey defrosting in the fridge for the Christmas dinner that was never cooked had leaked. It was quite a mess. Everything in the fridge was tossed and the insides scrubbed before I could replace much of what was lost. Then on January 6, my hard drive crashed. At this point I laughed and really let go, which is what I do when “reality” reaches, in my perception, a level of ridiculousness.

One thing I’ve learned is that events are layered; they serve more than one purpose at a time, such as my hard drive crash answering a question I’ve had for a while. Another very important thing I’ve learned is to trust the Universe, no matter what appearances are, though I still have moments where I have to pass through some understandable initial anxiety or upset first. That’s part of being human. You’d benefit by remembering this for yourself as well.

A tech-wiz friend came over that afternoon, pronounced my long-faithful computer dead then gave me good news: He had a newer computer than mine available to give to me (yes, I said give); and, which I learned was unusual, it had the programs I needed on it. He got the computer and set everything up. I had to buy a new keyboard to go with the newer technology, and have a learning curve going on, but what a terrific, unexpected result! The Universe’s resources are infinite and often beyond our limited imagination. When this knowing is part of your foundation, you can relax and even become curious about what’s what much quicker, whenever such experiences come your way.

I share my experiences with you because each of us has stuff happen in our lives that can, could, or does throw us for a loop. During such times it feels very easy to get off balance, or to not manage ourselves well through and beyond these experiences. It’s easy to enter the mental attitude or mindset that causes us to feel awful or devastated by an undesired turn of events, and to abandon any trust in the Universe’s plan for us and its ability and desire to support us.

And this is part of where we’ve gone astray: we believe or think that any time we have such experiences, it means the Universe isn’t supporting us “properly” for some reason, or that we’re flawed or not doing something right. The discomfort or anguish we feel is because WE have cut ourselves off from the Truth.

All manner of pain in life is inevitable, but continuing to suffer because of it is optional. The more skilled you feel, the stronger you know yourself to be, and the less you suffer by choice. Those skills are your spiritual-mental-emotional-creative foundation and true wealth, not what’s in your bank account, not your popularity, not your appearance, and not your success rating according to the opinions of others. If you want to feel the way you desire, strengthen your skills, your inner knowing, and therefore your foundation. No structure is secure on a shaky or undefined foundation. This is one main reason so many feel anxious or frustrated much of the time; this and the fact that a real relationship with the Universe or Source hasn’t been nurtured.

The more you practice, the more natural and automatic using your skills becomes. It may help if you realize there are four levels of awareness and practice:

1. Unconscious Incompetence: You don’t know that you don’t know.

2. Conscious Incompetence: You’re aware that you don’t know, and you can choose to change this, or not.

3. Conscious Competence: You’ve learned new skills and practice them, and are aware of your practice. (Think of a new driver paying acute attention to everything they are supposed to do.)

4. Unconscious Competence: You know something so well and are so practiced that you do it proficiently or efficiently without thinking about doing it. You just do it. (Like a long-time driver whose thoughts wander but can still attend to driving.)

Your, my, and our ego-aspect likely, or usually, prefers Unconscious Competence right at the start, with no need for levels 2 and 3 to learn and to practice what we learn in order to reach level 4. This is a guaranteed path to frustration. Everything in life must go through maturation stages, including our levels of development in every area and aspect of life, if we are to reach the Unconscious Competence level in any one of them. The moment you allow and follow this natural order and process of progression, you empower yourself. You begin to believe in you, and in the Universe, because you become differently-aware of patterns unfolding and merging in the dynamics of your life, as well as your own level of influence.

One thing to practice more often is asking yourself right or better questions like, “What is my head and heart alignment about this” or “What do I know for certain about Universal Laws and resistance,” and even, “What is the right question to ask about this,” and so on. There are more “sins” of omission (not doing what is beneficial) than commission (deliberate wrong actions or choices) when it comes to how we experience life. Even a slight shift that leads you to do more of what is beneficial would make a difference in your experiences and how you experience them.

It’s time to stop aiming solely or primarily at the material aspects of life, and opinions of others, to feel the way we desire. It’s time to aim at honing our skills that assist us to, yes, create roses on our path, as well as navigate through the thorny moments; and to trust ourselves and the Universe. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

What Confidence Is and Is Not

What do you believe confidence is? Maybe you’re right, and maybe you’ll be surprised.

Maybe you, like many, confuse confidence with competence. And that’s understandable because you’re advised to enhance your skills, knowledge, and expertise, and presto: The confident you will emerge and flourish. Well, in a way. You would feel confident about what you know and can do, but would you absolutely feel overall confidence as an individual? Not necessarily. Competence does not guarantee confidence. Confidence based on competence alone can be shaken the moment something goes off-kilter or you enter unfamiliar “territory”.

When confidence is low, we don’t feel and really aren’t fully present in whatever moment we find ourselves in. When confidence is low, our thoughts are wrapped up in anxiety, usually with garbage from the past and fears about the future vying for equal time. And amid that thought chaos, we’re busy thinking or worrying about what we’ll say or do rather than listening to what’s being said or observing what’s going on, and responding appropriately for us and according to what’s happening right then.

If you’re someone who feels you lack confidence or could use more, or know someone who feels this way, notice that when doing something interesting, engaging, or relaxing, confidence isn’t a concern. So when is it an issue? Any time there’s concern about what others will think about you.

Augusten Burroughs wrote: “Unscripted, unedited, and wholly authentic people are almost universally admired, especially if they have flaws, are not afraid to make live, red-blooded mistakes, and rather than trying are busy simply being.” Isn’t it interesting that people with these traits are admired and seen as confident when these traits are the very ones we’re discouraged from or even punished for demonstrating? Burroughs also said that when you desire more confidence, what you really desire is to control what others think about you. Let’s look at one reason low confidence may be an issue for so many.

Low confidence may have its origin from one “technique” parents and other authority figures use with children to get them to behave a particular way: They use shame instead of validation or guidance. Validation or guidance may take time and energy, or be a totally unfamiliar process for them, having been shamed themselves as children. Shame is a high-speed road to confidence issues. Even if the words “You should be ashamed” weren’t used, that message was implicit in whatever criticism was (or is) given. And, those shamed as children grow into adults who mimic this technique, as well.

Shame becomes like a garment worn into adulthood, one that covers or shrouds the authentic self who, as Burroughs stated, makes mistakes and keeps going, unimpeded by the opinions of others. Self-esteem or confidence issues stem from feeling some level of shame about being you, seeded by someone else’s disappointment or disapproval expressed to you. More often than not, their disappointment or disapproval was way more about them and their issues than about you. “What will people think about ME if you do that (don’t do that, look like that, etc.)?!” is often, but not solely, motivation for shaming rather than guiding. Ingrained feelings of shame lead people and their lives, but not in the direction they desire.

Shame causes you to believe you can’t do certain things or shouldn’t attempt them because “somebody” (other than you) may or will disapprove or be disappointed, especially if your attempt doesn’t have “perfect” results. Perfectionism blocks your ability to be creative and authentic. It denies your right to be uniquely you, to make mistakes and grow from them, to feel more fearless about discovery and exploration of who you are and what you can make of your life.

Are you beginning to connect how fear of being you, possibly or probably seeded by being taught shame, could affect your confidence and self-esteem? If you don’t trust your self, what can you trust? Confidence isn’t about always knowing the answer or doing the exact right thing, it’s about knowing you’ll seek and find an answer and are willing to learn and live who you are and came here to be.

Low confidence—confidence being that deep, true connection with your authentic self—is why many procedures and processes like plastic surgery, weight loss, and makeovers don’t always create the lasting feeling inside that the person hoped for. In fact, a study showed that the people who do feel good about themselves and continue to do so after such changes felt good about themselves before the change. They were also a very small percentage of those who underwent such changes.

It seems then that many of the externals we change or seek to are attempts to arrive at one thing: To feel good about being ourselves. We mistakenly think part of what will create that feeling for us is to do whatever it takes to make others approve of us. We chase our own tails with this one. If we feel good about ourselves, there will be people who enjoy or appreciate us for who we are. Maybe not everyone will feel that way about us, but getting everyone’s approval is a waste of energy and is unrealistic. It also puts us last instead of first, where we need to be if we’re to live our best life.

It’s time to acknowledge there is and ever will be only one of you. Stephen Greliet wrote something that may be familiar to you: “I shall not pass this way again . . .” Whether you believe in reincarnation or you don’t, who you are in this lifetime will never happen again. It may take time to take root, but remind yourself of this unique-you fact each day and as often as needed.

Confidence isn’t a show, despite that we’ve believed it is. It isn’t about being competent, though competence can lead to satisfaction within us. Confidence is about being at home with yourself and your right to your place in the world. It’s about being present with your self, being in the moment, and doing what’s appropriate and fulfilling for you and your process of self-discovery, rather than focused predominantly or only on the opinions of others. Ask yourself what feels right and true for you. Apply this question to topics, areas, and moments of your life, and do this at a steady, gradual pace. Discover and embrace how much there is to appreciate about you and life. It’s a good practice.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

What Causes Negative Thinking?

Do you ever wonder if or wish there was an On-Off switch when it comes to negative thinking? Maybe if you know what causes it, you can find the switch and flip it.

What we usually notice about negative thinking first is the Effect, not the Cause, of it. In fact, we may not even be aware that we’re thinking negatively, we’re just aware of how we feel in response to it. Some of those feelings may include tiredness or exhaustion, frustration or depression, discontent or anger, anxiety or fear. And, we sometimes (or often) mistakenly attempt to fix or adjust only the Effect, or the process, rather than the Cause. Process and Effect follow the leader: Cause.

What is this Cause, and where is its On-Off switch? I believe it’s what Ernest Holmes calls a cross current of thought. That is opposite thoughts colliding in your subconscious or subjective (programmed, trained or habituated) mind. This reminds me of the original Ghostbusters movie when they used their equipment for the first time. They turned on their machines, and a current of energy streamed from each machine. One of the guys yelled that they were to avoid crossing the streams. When asked what would happen if the streams crossed, he stated, “It would be bad.” We get an undesirable result when we cross currents of thought and experience one or more of the feelings listed above or others. Actually, it’s like the riddle: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The feeling or the thought? The origination is interesting but it doesn’t matter, ultimately, the result does.

Look at some examples of cross-current thoughts and see if you can identify negative feelings that might result (use the list above or whatever descriptors come up for you):

I want income BUT I hate my job (or am bored with it).

I want a joyful, loving relationship BUT I have a low opinion of men/women and/or myself.

I want abundance and prosperity BUT I don’t deserve this because (fill in the blank).

I want to be successful BUT I don’t know what success means to ME, and only me.

There are numerous variations of these and other statements, but you can see that what comes after the BUT is what holds the greater emotional charge. And the emotional charge, your energy stream, is the vibration you transmit to the Law of Attraction match-up field of manifestation. Even those who think Law of Attraction is a lot of hooey or too much effort still meet up with the effects of cross-current thinking.

We have to face the fact that we will have feelings; we are meant to. But we can face the fact that we are not tied to our feelings except by choice or habit. We also can face the fact that what is in our hearts (the feeling aspect of our subconscious, subjective mind) is directly connected to our thoughts. We think according to what we believe (feel), and what we believe is more often about the stories we tell ourselves rather than about the Truth of who we REALLY are and what we are really capable of.

The idea and practice of having negative thought patterns kicked into gear for you quite early in your development. Maybe as a child, you not only heard people express negative opinions about anything or everything and others, but perhaps about you as well. Whether they really meant what they said or not doesn’t matter. The fact is we learn behaviors and thought patterns so early in life that, as a rule, we don’t have a conscious awareness of them . . . until we begin to notice their Effects and begin to seek their Cause. It’s almost like, or maybe it’s even exactly like, a form of voodoo. And like voodoo, the spell or curse only works if or while you believe it.

So here you are years later, wanting to be a more joyful, fulfilled version of you, wanting your life to be more joyful and fulfilling, but you operate with cross-current thoughts. What can you do about this? It will help to make up your own BUT statements about areas of your life you struggle with or want to improve, to see what’s revealed. Like learned behaviors, we are so used to practicing the BUT side of our statements, we don’t even see this for what it is when we do it; we may even call it being practical.

Remember that what comes after the BUT acts like a voodoo spell (or curse) over you. Realize you are not tied to believing it. Realize that Law of Attraction doesn’t do anything to you; it works THROUGH you. You can change BUT statements to AND statements:

I want income AND I can get it by doing something I enjoy, love, and find fulfilling.

I want a joyful, loving relationship AND I’m willing to find out what that means for me, and my partner, and do what is appropriate.

I want abundance and prosperity AND I’m open to appreciating what I already have and receiving even more.

And so it goes.

If we contemplate the Good (make this a regular or consistent inner experience), we’ll experience the good we contemplate. We don’t contemplate the Good by thinking about its opposites. Holmes wrote, “Ignorance of the law [of attraction] excuses no one from its effects; but knowledge [of it] clothes us in the seamless robe . . . .” (In ancient days only those who were aligned with prosperity as their reality could afford a seamless robe.). You can “fail” to not use Law of Attraction, but you cannot fail if you use it as it’s meant to be used: with direct line of thought rather than cross-current thoughts.

Use the BUT/AND statements to help you find those switches so you can flip them. Lift the negative “spells” off of you and your life, and practice more supportive statements and stories about yourself, your life, life in general, and the bigger picture. Find what leads you to or allows you to align with BELIEVABLE statements and stories about you and life, ones aligned with the larger, universal Truth about you and what the Creative Consciousness has available for you. Kick the BUTS from your thoughts. It’s a good practice.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The Mechanics of Manifestation

You don’t need to know how a clock works to get the time; but if you struggle with Law of Attraction, it helps to understand what makes it “tick”. It also helps to know how the mechanics of your mind participate.

Ernest Holmes explained that the Law of Attraction can only obey us; it doesn’t decide for (or against) us. However, we don’t will the Law to do anything, but we do impress our subjective beliefs on it, like a cosmic memory foam mattress. This is why, as Holmes wrote, “The idea of a successful life will create success.”

Pause and really FEEL that for a moment. Now exchange the words “successful” and “success” for any words that fit an experience or result you desire. Let’s use abundant/abundance. If you don’t feel your life is abundant, do you really and truly have the idea inside you that life is or can be abundant . . . not “should” be, Can Be, for You? When you hold such a thought, or any thought, consistently, it becomes a habit to think that way. It always comes down to how and what we really think.

What causes us to think a certain way, and how can we change this, if needed or desired? All thoughts are choices and based on choices. We make choices using two of our three minds. Subjective Mind choices come from assessments and conclusions that stem from what we already believe or already practice. Our Objective Mind is the one that can choose whether to do what the Subjective Mind would suggest or something else, based on what we observe and know, not just believe by default. The Conscious Mind is the one we use to change thought patterns and thought habits of our Subjective Mind, which then changes our perspective and attitude.

This is where we return to the fact we impress our beliefs onto the Law of Attraction: our Subjective Mind is our Creative Power, and this is why what we really believe, the idea we actually have, has such influence on what we experience. Our Subjective Mind is where we put cause and effect into motion. This is also why we cannot align our beliefs with Effects to affect a desired change; we have to align beliefs and thoughts with what is possible, to Cause a desired effect. And, we have to consciously KNOW this is how it works, and deliberately put it into practice, while trusting that a Bigger Picture is always unfolding for us.

Paraphrasing Holmes, the subjective state of our thoughts is what comprises the totality of our beliefs, which is our “habitual attitude toward life and living.” Our attitude is our medium, medium meaning “an intervening thing through which a force acts or an effect is produced; a means of communication.” We can improve our experiences in direct proportion (Mental Equivalent) to how we improve what’s in our Subjective Mind (our Creative Power). But, “. . . the range of our possibilities at the present time does not extend far beyond the range of our present concepts.” The more we expand our concepts, the more we expand our possibilities, experiences, and results. This is more often than not a gradual process.

I wrote above, as I have in the past, that it’s important to Know the Truth. What does it mean to KNOW? Holmes says it well: “. . . it is a mental attitude against which there is no longer any contradiction in the mind . . . .” This means that, about any idea or concept or belief, no contradictory thoughts remain in our Subjective Mind about it. To Know is not to hope. True Knowing is tangible in our experience of reality. It is self-knowing in unity with the Principle of Law of Attraction AND the Creative Consciousness that put the Principle in place for our use. We feel it in every cell; and, Knowing is usually accompanied by a feeling of serenity or oneness (at least, that’s how it feels to me).

And this leads us back to: The idea of a successful (abundant, prosperous, healthy, etc.) life will create a like result. When we truly align with an idea, we feel oneness with it, absent of any contradictory thoughts; and this works in ways we desire and ways we don’t. We try all manner of techniques, master plans, actions or inactions, when the very first thing we should check is whether or not we embody the idea of what we desire. Opposite thoughts occupying the same space at the same time will not produce optimum desired results. The one you believe more is the one that will present experiences for you.

The next time you think about something you desire to be improved in your life, pause and ask yourself if you actually embody the idea of it as a genuine possibility for you or do you wish it but doubt it. Realizing that you can’t doubt it AND also get it, ask what it would take for you to be able to let go of any form of resistance so that you can allow the idea of your desire to live in your Subjective Mind, and in every cell of your Being.

Ask how you can align wholly with that idea. Keep in mind that your answer(s) need to be about you, not about anything or anyone changing first. Your Subjective Mind is your medium, your Creative Power Source; and no one is in there but you, even though it can sometimes feel otherwise. There are mechanics to manifestation, but You are the primary mechanic of your manifestations. You can create and you can revise.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer