Impermanence Is Here to Stay

There are times we wish for change and times we dread it. To paraphrase the truth-filled saying, the only constant in life is change.

Our ego-aspect fools itself by believing what we have will always be there, will never change. It’s like a form of temporary amnesia or a dream-state we walk around in, whether this is about a change we would welcome or one we wouldn’t. The ego-aspect wants to believe the dream-state, more often than not, so it can feel secure and comfortable. But everything changes, doesn’t it, either by improving or by diminishing, until it’s a memory only. So, we can say there are two types of impermanence, as far as our ego-aspect is concerned: what is not our choice and what is.

We don’t like to feel uncomfortable or unsure. In fact, we often take it as a personal affront when something happens that causes us to have changes in our life that we (our ego-aspect that is) don’t desire.

But, family and friends move away or pass on; jobs change by our design or someone else’s; children are born and the family expands, as does its needs; the weather and even the planet bring about gradual or immediate changes: the list is endless because everything changes. Everything changes because we (and our planet) mature and age, and our needs and wants change through the years.

We are meant to be of service, in ways appropriate for us; meant to learn, evolve, and create betterment for ourselves and others. Some of the most significant innovations, inventions, and services might not be around today, were it not for necessity brought on by change being the “mother of invention.”

We are also meant to enjoy and appreciate what we have, while we have it. And when we see the signs of impending change, either from within or outside of us or both, we are meant to prepare ourselves for it. The first preparations should take place at the inner level. The next preparations should address anything at the outer level that we know we must do, are inspired to do, or that we intuit should be done, including right timing about these.

Sometimes change happens suddenly, and we feel shaken somewhat or to our core by it, even if we mentally, emotionally, or physically prepared a bit or a lot. But this is when the strength of our spiritual foundation and our relationship with Source can assist us, and is why we are meant to develop and strengthen these at all times. A true feeling of security comes from trust in Source, and self-trust; and the former supplies and nurtures the latter.

Awareness of impermanence – gentle awareness, not dwelling on it – can assist the quality of our experiences. When we’re in the dream-state, where everything we are happy about or comfortable with or at the very least feel “sure” of “stays the same,” we tend to miss or ignore how precious and special people and moments and experiences are. This kind of awareness or consciousness happens in the Now, and can only happen in the Now. The dream-state of “permanence” has us volleying back and forth between past and future; two moments we are never actually in. We are always in the Now. We are always in a state of impermanence. If you’re really brave – or have expanded or embraced conscious awareness at a certain level, you could say we’re always in a state of Divine Impermanence.

The dream-state can and does keep us out of appreciation. There’s a wonderful quote by Meister Eckhart that says, “If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” When ANY change happens, we could use this quote as a power statement to help us navigate our feelings, our fears, our strength, and our trust in Source.

Appreciation is best expressed as often as possible and as soon as we can enter that state of mind and being, rather than just when the ego-aspect believes a moment is worthy of it. To the ego-aspect, this differentiation of worthy or unworthy makes sense or seems logical and appropriate. Our spirit-aspect knows every moment is worthy of appreciation. Albert Einstein understood this when he said, “You either live as if everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle.” Nicely said. Not always so easy to live up to; but we can aim ourselves in this direction and benefit by it.

Einstein’s statement reminds me of a powerful question you’ve possibly seen or heard before: Do you believe the Universe is friendly or unfriendly? Your response has ALL to do with your experience while here. And if your response is a result of what you learned in your formative years, you can either change your beliefs or enhance them, and do so in your favor. You are not locked into negative or non-beneficial beliefs. Remember, nothing but Source is permanent. Beliefs always change; real Truths never do. One of the most profound journeys you can ever make is the one that leads you to Truths that are permanent.

Begin to pay attention to what and who you appreciate (and what and who you don’t apply this practice to). Ask if your appreciation is as present and deep as you’d like as a means to enhance your experience of joy, love, fulfillment, curiosity, illumination, and becoming the person you intend to be. Or as Patti Davis wrote, “I’m learning how, at age 60, to become the person I want to leave behind on this earth.” It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.     

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The Art and Challenge of Practice Makes Progress

Knowing a better way isn’t enough to improve your life. How easy is it for you to put a new way of being into practice?

Even though I’m spiritual rather than religious, I’d like to start with Matthew 7:24-27, a segment Matthew writes as being spoken by Jesus about practice: Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain cam down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

First, I certainly don’t mean my words; I mean the words you hear and feel in your own heart, the words that speak to you and your spirit, the words spoken directly from Source to you. Second, I’m not calling anyone foolish; though, each one of us has our turn at practicing foolishness at one time or another. That’s just part of the learning and growing experience, whether we like it or not. Third, as I opened with, knowing something is not the same as practicing it, ever; and practice really does make progress. It forms the solid rock foundation of self-trust and trust in Source, even or particularly when we feel ourselves temporarily in the valley rather than on the mountaintop.

How do you learn or train yourself to practice what will improve you or your daily experience of life? You start by deciding what it is you wish to practice, say, “Choose inner peace.” You likely don’t have to wait long to have an experience where this choice would be a good practice, and you forget, maybe for a day, week, month or longer, because emotions run strong. Once you’re calmer, you remember you did make that choice. You think on this, perhaps admonish yourself for forgetting, which I don’t recommend. I prefer a gentle reminder like, “Okay, I forgot to remember this time; but eventually I will remember my choice.” Maybe you forget a few more times until one day, when triggered, you do remember and say to yourself, “New program: Choose inner peace.” You figure out how to do that and put it into practice. Please keep in mind that practice does not mean “perfect.” It means practice.

Each time, it becomes easier to choose it, that is, to practice your choice, to engage your new program, even if following through presents challenges that ask for more or different inner work, insight, and creativity on your part. As you practice, you feel your evolution and personal power, as well as your relationship with yourself and Source move up a notch. And it feels good. It feels right. You find you pay attention for other opportunities to practice your choice, or other opportunities to make similar beneficial choices. The new practice, and the evolution it causes in you, starts to feel more natural, more comfortable than not practicing or evolving, despite challenges.

We tend to make an external change first, when we desire improvement, which may work for a while. Then we revert back to the original behavior, because Change Happens from the Inside Out, never the other way around. We may even talk to others about how we’re going to change. There is a school of thought that says if you tell others your goal or intention, you stick to it. But that isn’t always the case, is it? And if you don’t stick to it, you feel not-so-good about yourself; and you may waste energy fretting about what others may think of you.

I recommend you get to know yourself. Maybe it works best for you to tell others what you intend. Maybe it works best for you to keep silent and do what’s required then speak about it only when people comment on what’s different, improved, and ask what you’re doing. Maybe it works best for you to share the inner-work process you’re experiencing as you continue to where or how you intend to be.

Example: You want to lose weight, so you diet. Diets work only so long, because of our tendency to revert back to familiar behaviors, and because we tend to not like to feel uncomfortable and limited. But once you have a different mindset about wellbeing, you’ll make lifestyle choices that have greater and lasting effects no diet alone ever promotes or provides, especially if you feel you suffer in some manner from a diet. It’s the same for any change in yourself or your life you desire, intend, and commit to. Right practice leads to improvements, not suffering.

Here’s something most of us don’t want to hear: Practice requires experiences, and not all of them are ones the ego-aspect would prefer. But, you don’t learn math if you never experience it and put it into practice. You don’t learn how to forgive or be forgiven without one or more experiences that open this opportunity to you. It’s the same for inner peace, joy, love, wellbeing, fulfillment, having quality relationships, a relationship with Source, and so on.

It is never about knowing (mind) what to do only; it’s about putting what you know into practice (heart). It’s about head-and-heart alignment about the practice, which can lead you toward the improvement you desire. Here’s a question: Are you improved in some measure at the inner level (mindset, perspective, self-trust, inner peace) from what you were a year ago? Even some improvement counts. No perfectionism, please.

When it comes to Practice Makes Progress, I’m reminded of a line in the movie, “Eat Pray Love,” where Julia Roberts’ character comments about a man whose continual prayer-plea to a saint was, “Please, please, please - let me win the lottery.” After years and years of this, the saint, exasperated, finally said to the man, “My son, please, please, please - buy a ticket!” Roberts’ character says she finally got it. We are often like the man, imploring if not pleading with Source for what we want, but not doing what WE need to as our end of it. Practice, especially the spiritual-in-nature inner work, is very often if not always, our ticket we need to “buy,” or rather, buy into.

Remember to ask Source to assist you. Source always assists you, but it makes a difference to and in you if you become comfortable with asking; and, Source wants to be asked. Your asking is like an expression of appreciation born of trust in Source. Your practice can help you stay in or return more easily to a state of appreciation. Commit to the practices that lead to progress, with Source’s assistance, and you and your life will improve, perhaps gradually; but that’s always better than the opposite. Buy your “ticket.” It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.   

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The 3-in-1 Path to Any Desired Outcome

One simple question that includes the 3-in-1 path, asked consistently, can lead to your desired outcomes. Do you know what it is?

I won’t make you wait. Here it is: “Do my thoughts, words, and actions lead me toward or away from my desired outcome?” Pretty straight-forward, don’t you think? I do want to say something about desired outcomes: it’s best if they’re aligned with and for your highest good or the highest good of all involved. Negative or out-of-harmony intentions always find a way to bite you on the bum!

Let’s look at the 3-in-1: Thoughts, words, and actions. Each are important, but one always affects the other two, and all three always work together as one energy transmission to yourself, others, and the Universe. You won’t speak or act in anger if your thoughts are peaceful or appreciative. And your thoughts won’t be peaceful or appreciative if you speak and/or act from anger. This is, of course, true for any emotion or feeling.

Just so you’re clear, I’m not saying anger (or any emotion you don’t desire to feel) is a bad thing and that you shouldn’t engage it; after all, it’s there to get your attention on what’s not working for you. I am saying you can feel anger (or any emotion you don’t desire to feel) and still communicate what you need to from a place of inner peace, or at least a calmer demeanor, even or especially if you need a bit of time to get into this “space”. Thoughts, words, and actions can be and are choices, and choices always create results or consequences. This is one reason the question works in and on your behalf at all times. So, let’s look at the three aspects.

Thoughts are about more than just having them; about more than just thinking positive. They are also about deeper contemplations that lead you to make significant connections, like connect-the-dots drawings, to reveal and see the bigger, holistic picture you, others, and Source are a part of. They’re like one of those starter fire logs: potential is within them once lit (with enough energy provided, that is), for desired or undesired outcomes, depending on what you do with them. We usually turn thoughts into words.

Words have power. They can heal, they can harm, they can create. They can uplift and support or they can suppress or crush. The moment you speak, you’ve added fuel to the fire, whether that’s kindling to build a cozy fire that provides warmth and comfort, and even to cook, or gasoline that causes an explosion or a fire that burns out of control until time runs it out or something is done to put it out. Thoughts have power. Put them into words and you’ve enhanced or amplified their influence on your cause-and-effect outcome. Speaking words is also an action, as much as any physical action is.

Actions are like pushing down on the accelerator of a car. You’re in motion until you put your foot on the brake to deliberately stop or pause (or you run out of fuel). If you’re on a “good road,” you more than likely have a good travel experience. If you’re on a road under bad, unpleasant, or unfavorable conditions, like ice, you go into a skid or flip, and don’t know the outcome, good or not-good, until you do.

Desired and undesired outcomes don’t come about only as a result of what we think, say, or do deliberately. They also come to us as a result of how we respond or react when under pressure, which shows us what we’ve worked on about ourselves, as well as what still needs work. Both of these paths show us a great deal about what our relationship with ourselves, others, and Source is. Note: every relationship with others and with Source is ultimately a reflection of the one we have with our self. This fact may not be comfortable, and may even be scary, but it is accurate.

Observing ourselves in these ways is a handy assessment tool or method. This isn’t meant to be used for self-judgment, just self-assessment and conscious, deliberate inner work. It’s like an eye exam. You take an eye test, not to pass or fail it, but to take measurements. The results of the measurements show you where you are and what you need, to help you maintain or adjust your vision. It’s the same for your vision of you and your life, others, and Source.

Too often it’s too easy, and even endorsed by society to be “clever” with our comments or opinions, to say or spew whatever we think without thinking about it first. I recently shared a quote on social sites (attribution unknown) that expresses a misunderstanding some people or society in general often have: “Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.” People who practice silence, calmness, and kindness are sometimes viewed in a negative manner, as though personal power can be expressed only through aggression, when the opposite is true and aligned with Truth. Sometimes we focus more on what our ego-aspect thinks it can gain through being “clever” or hurtful or the “winner”, than what we might lose.

In an article for “O” (Oprah’s magazine), Catherine Newman wrote: “…life isn’t about avoiding trouble; it’s about being present, even through the hard stuff, so you don’t miss the very thing you’re trying not to lose.” When we don’t use the 3-in-1 question, we tend to lose something, whether that’s the desired outcome; traction; any advance we’ve made; or confidence or faith in ourselves and/or the process; trust in Source; or even something remarkable within us waiting to be discovered, revealed, and expressed.

You could say the desired outcome to be in harmony and productive collaboration with ourselves, others, and Source is a good and even ultimate one to have. It covers a lot of ground, an expansive territory we call life and our experience of it. The way to attain or accomplish this is to consistently ask: Do my thoughts, words, and actions lead me toward or away from my desired outcome? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

When Asking WHY Is and Is Not a Good Idea

Something happens, and we want to know Why me? Why this? Why now? But those are not the best questions to ask. When is asking Why the right question?

When something unpleasant happens, we tend to ask why; and often, negative stories quickly get attached as our ego-aspect starts rifling through old emotional files or starts imagining new, equally unpleasant (or worse) scenarios. The ego-aspect tends to embellish what-is, makes it even more dramatic, as though what-is isn’t already enough. If we have difficulty dealing with what-is, we won’t or don’t do better if we make our feelings about what happened even more intense in our mind.

What happens the first time we ask WHY and attach negative stories (or any time we practice negativity) is akin to the earth shifting a bit underfoot. We look down and see we’re standing in a shallow indent. Each subsequent time we follow this mental path, the hole gets a bit deeper. Do this enough times, and with enough emotion, and you eventually find yourself in the hole up to your neck, if not deeper. You may perceive or feel that you’re in so deep that you believe you can’t get out. That isn’t true, though; you can get out. If you’re in really deep, you may have to ask for assistance; but as long as you’re alive and conscious, you can get out.

One way to get out, perhaps the best way, is to change your why question to a how question: How can I heal from here or How can I move forward from here? Just keep in mind that “here” means you start from where you are, not from where your ego-aspect thinks you should be. You don’t have to wait for conditions to be a certain way or for someone to say or do a certain thing: you can start where you are, because it’s an inner journey first and foremost, no matter what.

Another helpful thing to do is to choose peace. This doesn’t mean an outward demonstration of it when you don’t feel it. No “Fake it till you make it”, please. You want genuine inner peace, which opens you in more ways than you might imagine, and leads you into natural, effortless outward demonstrations of the inner peace you feel. Responses you get from others and life when you are peaceful, as opposed to when your emotions are or stay roiled, are as different as night and day. If you want peace, be peace. Easier said than done? Sometimes; but it’s an excellent touchstone or guiding star.

How you attain inner peace is as much a part of the process as having it: it’s something you have to determine for yourself. “Why aren’t I peaceful?” is an unhelpful question that causes the mind to search for and find many things that upset you, in order to respond to your question, but not provide any solution or resolution. “How can I be peaceful?” or “How can I be peace” are effective questions that open your mind to find a better path to follow. A quick answer to this latter question: choose it.

There is a time, however, when WHY is a good question to ask; and it comes from an interview I watched of Evanna Lynch, the young woman who played Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films. She’d read the books in print at the time, and was familiar with the character. When she saw the casting call, she thought, “Someone has to be Luna. Why not me?”

Someone has to be happy, serene, kind, peaceful, peace-promoting, forgiving, generous, spiritually aware, content, loving, fulfilled, in a right relationship, successful, creative, inspired, fun, having fun, employed or employed well, spiritually and emotionally strong, and so forth. Why not you? Think of your own words and follow them with, “Why not me?” The first thing you have to do to receive your good is be open to allowing it in. This “why not me” question unlocks the door.

It’s a question you can apply to anything you imagine or dream about, but perhaps feel some doubt about attaining, achieving, or accomplishing. If you think about it, why not you; especially, if someone has to fill that role, whatever that role may be.

Our inner work is as much about equipping ourselves to move through and beyond challenges with as much grace as we can muster, as it is to smooth some of the rough spots ahead of us on the path before we reach them. Change your questions and you can change your experience of life. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Do You Count?

How many ways do you count in life? Sometimes you need to count; other times, you could let go of that need, in order to feel peaceful and on purpose.

We live in a global society that counts darn near, if not, everything. We count the odds, percentages, money, calories, wins, grievances, friends on social sites, who has what and if it’s more or less than we have, our “chickens before they hatch,” and so on. What are your reasons for counting what you count? What does some of your counting really mean to you: a way to keep track of what needs to be managed, or a way to establish self-worth in the eyes of others?

Minister Joyce Meyer spoke about a bible reading class she took in the early days, where participants were to read so many chapters a day in order to read the entire book in a year. She was quite self-pleased at all the checkmarks filling the days on her calendar positioned on the fridge so everyone could see it. She was reading but not learning, reading but not receiving and absorbing the messages in the texts. But the checkmarks were adding up, that is, until life got in the way. Then there were so many days without checkmarks, and those blank spaces kept adding up, until she was so far behind there was no way to catch up. Soon, she felt quite the opposite of self-pleased, which is a common result of counting the wrong things or counting for the wrong reason.

How often it is that we count things in life in order to prove to others that we count so that we can, we hope, feel that we do. Or, we do this so that our ego gets stroked, rather than so that we can share, or grow, or be of true service through significance. We do this because we believe the opinions of others before we believe in ourselves or the Truth about Source and from Source about how significant a contributor to the overall scheme of life each of us is.

Too often, we count in reverse; that is, we count what we perceive we lack. So much focus on lack causes us to ignore or forget what we could appreciate. As I thought about this writing, I kept hearing in my mind, Bing Crosby singing a lyric line from a song: “I go to sleep counting my blessings.” How often do you count your blessings? How often do you count the ways Source assists and supports you, not only at certain times, but every day?

One school of thought is that we should express gratitude for the thing we ask for, before we receive what we ask for. It’s a good practice. However, because of the way our ego-aspect sometimes thinks, this method trips us up because there’s more to this than just the words: there’s the FEELING we have, which is where the energy is that gets matched or fulfilled in ways appropriate for us, or holds our good at arm’s reach from us.

When we keenly feel the lack of something AND our foundation of trust in the Universe (Source) to support us in ways for our highest good is faulty, such a statement of gratitude-before-arrival feels false, unbelievable. The Law of Attraction is clear: we receive what we believe. Yes, you can state thanks before you receive what you ask for; but the most effective, authentic, and genuine expression of this is when true appreciation is attached, for what you already have and for how the Universe provides, especially once you get limiting beliefs out of the way and allow it to assist you.

Instead of saying, “Thank you for (whatever you’re asking for)” ahead of receiving it, it may work better to say, “Thank you for everything. Thank you for always knowing what I really need and providing it in right timing.” In fact, this is my preferred way of expressing appreciation to the Universe because inherent in it is absolute trust that the Universe has more information and resources than I do, and will connect me with them as and when it’s right.

I find it effective to pause and appreciate what I have, to recall and re-appreciate the numerous ways the Universe demonstrates its resourcefulness and creative ways of supporting me, despite how others apply their counting system to my experiences and life, which often has nothing to do with how the Universe views me or my experiences. I’m thankful for the ability to choose my thoughts, and for ALL the experiences that have helped me to learn how to do this better, which is all of them.

Recently, a new method to respond to internal complaining, counting, or negative thoughts has emerged in me. When any of these types of thoughts surface, I find myself switching into appreciation mode. I know a choice is made to do this, but the shift happens so quickly, I’m not aware of having made the choice, at least, this is the case a good deal of the time. I can only imagine this is a result of LOTS of practice about this.

These days I’m feeling the power of appreciation more and more, something we’ve been told (and told, and told) to do deliberately. And it isn’t a power used to get stuff (though, that’s an outcome in ways appropriate for me), but a power that creates serenity and joy in me. And to me, this is priceless. It’s a more in-flow way to be. It’s become a way to count my blessings, to bless my life, to bless others. It’s soothing, joyful, and has and serves purpose.

This week, pay attention to what you count and why, as well as how many times and ways you count in or contribute to the lives of others. Ask yourself, or feel in your heart, whether what you count assists you and your purpose, maybe even lifts you up, or whether it pulls you down. Any counting that leads you into deeper appreciation, and into it more often, is worth keeping count of. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.  

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Are You Too Nice?

A friend once said she believed the only thing to really fear was regret. Do you ever regret being nice, or being not nice?

I called the pharmacy to check on my mother’s billing and asked for Janell, the woman who’d helped me before. After a pause, the woman who’d answered the phone told me Janell had died. Though I’d only spoken with Janell a few times, she always remembered me and was so pleasant that I commented on it to her, and thanked her for it. I was glad, when I learned of her death, that I had no regret about our interactions, and that I’d told her how much I appreciated her.

When I first moved to New York City, people kept saying to me, “You’re so nice,” as though it was an anomaly. I heard it so often that it began to annoy me. I even took a Learning Annex class in Manhattan titled, “Stop Being So Nice.” It didn’t work (grin.) I now find this humorous; and instead of being annoyed these days, I would say “Thank you.”

I have “buttons” that can get pushed just as everyone else does, but I tend to aim at kindness or courtesy (often called niceness) first, whenever possible. People with more aggressive personalities think this is a flaw and aren’t shy about telling me so (another grin). But I think that whenever possible during a challenge, conflict, or contrast, it’s more productive to ask a right question than to make accusations or be rude.

This is a good way to stay in integrity and treat anyone else involved with integrity. (No one appreciates being treated without integrity. Look at the strife it causes in families, communities, and around the world.) Being able to do this automatically when triggered is something that happens after practicing it, perhaps after quite a lot of practice. Before this becomes automatic, you may state you need a pause when triggered and that you’ll get back to the person soon; then do so in a more productive frame of mind. 

Here’s a moderate example of keeping integrity. My mother told the physical therapy people that she’d be happy to go to therapy at 2 p.m., but not in the mornings. The next morning more than one therapist came to get her at different times, and she had to restate her preference. When we spoke about this, she expressed her annoyance and feeling that they were ignoring her wishes. I told her this might be what was going on and it might be there was a longer-than-desired gap between people getting therapy and they were bored (which is not her issue, but theirs), or it might be something else entirely. Without asking them, we didn’t have enough information to decide what this was about. I suggested she ask them this question: “What do we need to do so that you to come for me at 2:00 and not before?” This type of question states the issue, problem, or situation and involves the others in the solution. It shines a light on their actions without any rudeness or negative assertions. It is, well, nice.

Being nice can be relaxing, as long as it’s genuine, that is. False niceness isn’t nice at all, nor does it feel good the way genuine niceness does. It’s better to go for politeness based on empathy than false niceness. Genuine empathy and false niceness are both energies that will be picked up on by the recipient. The first one creates connection; the second one does not and cannot, and may, in fact, create more conflict.

I recently read something that really resonates for me: Student says, “I am very discouraged. What should I do?” Master says, “Encourage others.” This resonates because somewhere along the line, this very action, or at least being courteous to others when experiencing personal emotional upset, took root in me. And it never fails to make me feel better and to calm my emotions. I think this is because to do this requires me to take attention away from whatever has my ego-aspect off balance and place it, empathetically, onto others. The good energy my niceness inspires in them washes over me, and we are both nurtured. Whatever’s bothering me may not be resolved by this nice treatment of others, but I feel better. And better energy being matched by Law of Attraction is a desirable path to travel.

We all share a journey that’s not always an easy one. Even the briefest expression of empathy, and appreciation, can make a huge difference. This can even establish the nature of the relationship between you and those you do business with. This can sometimes be easier to do with strangers or associates than with family members you have contrasts with; but it can be done. It all depends on the result you desire; though, no result is guaranteed when one or more others are involved. But it is always a matter of whether or not you want to fill your life with small and large regrets or joys. It matters if you’re invested in evolving you and your spiritual development and connection with all, no matter what others choose.

I watched a Joyce Meyer program when she sang a Willie Nelson song to her husband, altering one lyric line in a poignant way to explain why she’d been so difficult to live with the first several years of their marriage: “I was always on my mind.” It’s like this for many of us. It’s understandable, but it can also be overdone by our ego-aspect that tends to forget we aren’t the only ones in our life with needs, desires, concerns, and fears.

Can you be too nice? I don’t think so. You can be too falsely nice in order to mask what you really feel or to avoid an unskillful sharing of your personal truth with others. But the world could use more niceness based in genuine caring, genuine courtesy, and genuine empathy for our shared experience of making our way through life and learning with lesser or greater or evolving awareness. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Do You React Unskillfully or Respond Skillfully to What-Is?

We want, and think we should have, a rosy path through life; but what we need are skills to navigate through the rose petals and the thorns. How skilled do you feel?

The general attitude about what-is, as I’ve observed and have at times personally experienced, is that it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable for us more than not. What-is is often considered to mean things aren’t going our way. My thought is that some of the contemporary positive mental attitude methods or their teachers may have led us astray in this matter, adding to this common perception about what-is that many seem to hold. Many of us still think we’re supposed to get or have our way, according to ego-based concepts, that is. Some believe this means at all times, despite the bigger picture we are all a part of and participants in. Falling short of this having-our-way leads to levels of frustration and self-doubt.

Although spiritual-metaphysical understanding can and does create desired experiences and outcomes, the belief that if we just do certain techniques or methods “right” we can eliminate anything we perceive as undesirable from happening, leaves us pretty much unskilled to manage our way through undesired what-is experiences that come our way. And they will and do come our way.

I’ll share a few of my own recent examples here. I’d decided the perfect time to take time off was from December 22, 2012 to January 2, 2013. What happened instead was that at Noon December 23, I was at the emergency room with my mother. We believed she’d be in overnight for observation. The what-is of it is that we didn’t leave the hospital until 2 p.m. December 30. It was a difficult, exhausting week for both of us. So you know, my mother is okay; and as she said the day before we left, she’s as strong as an ox, despite her ailments.

While there, I had to surrender to what-is, as well as accept that not only was there to be no time off, but that I had to be on 24 hours a day for 7 straight days, and most of it was quite challenging. I had to face “What you resist persists” and stop any and all resistance. I had to look at how ego-based attachments were a negative influence on me and let them go. I realized that hanging on to resistance and attachments was like clinging to a heavy boulder in deep water. I had to let go and surrender to what-is and rely on my spiritual foundation or sink. Once I did that, good things, helpful things and people, found the entryway clear to come to me.

Another couple of what-is experiences happened once I returned home. The turkey defrosting in the fridge for the Christmas dinner that was never cooked had leaked. It was quite a mess. Everything in the fridge was tossed and the insides scrubbed before I could replace much of what was lost. Then on January 6, my hard drive crashed. At this point I laughed and really let go, which is what I do when “reality” reaches, in my perception, a level of ridiculousness.

One thing I’ve learned is that events are layered; they serve more than one purpose at a time, such as my hard drive crash answering a question I’ve had for a while. Another very important thing I’ve learned is to trust the Universe, no matter what appearances are, though I still have moments where I have to pass through some understandable initial anxiety or upset first. That’s part of being human. You’d benefit by remembering this for yourself as well.

A tech-wiz friend came over that afternoon, pronounced my long-faithful computer dead then gave me good news: He had a newer computer than mine available to give to me (yes, I said give); and, which I learned was unusual, it had the programs I needed on it. He got the computer and set everything up. I had to buy a new keyboard to go with the newer technology, and have a learning curve going on, but what a terrific, unexpected result! The Universe’s resources are infinite and often beyond our limited imagination. When this knowing is part of your foundation, you can relax and even become curious about what’s what much quicker, whenever such experiences come your way.

I share my experiences with you because each of us has stuff happen in our lives that can, could, or does throw us for a loop. During such times it feels very easy to get off balance, or to not manage ourselves well through and beyond these experiences. It’s easy to enter the mental attitude or mindset that causes us to feel awful or devastated by an undesired turn of events, and to abandon any trust in the Universe’s plan for us and its ability and desire to support us.

And this is part of where we’ve gone astray: we believe or think that any time we have such experiences, it means the Universe isn’t supporting us “properly” for some reason, or that we’re flawed or not doing something right. The discomfort or anguish we feel is because WE have cut ourselves off from the Truth.

All manner of pain in life is inevitable, but continuing to suffer because of it is optional. The more skilled you feel, the stronger you know yourself to be, and the less you suffer by choice. Those skills are your spiritual-mental-emotional-creative foundation and true wealth, not what’s in your bank account, not your popularity, not your appearance, and not your success rating according to the opinions of others. If you want to feel the way you desire, strengthen your skills, your inner knowing, and therefore your foundation. No structure is secure on a shaky or undefined foundation. This is one main reason so many feel anxious or frustrated much of the time; this and the fact that a real relationship with the Universe or Source hasn’t been nurtured.

The more you practice, the more natural and automatic using your skills becomes. It may help if you realize there are four levels of awareness and practice:

1. Unconscious Incompetence: You don’t know that you don’t know.

2. Conscious Incompetence: You’re aware that you don’t know, and you can choose to change this, or not.

3. Conscious Competence: You’ve learned new skills and practice them, and are aware of your practice. (Think of a new driver paying acute attention to everything they are supposed to do.)

4. Unconscious Competence: You know something so well and are so practiced that you do it proficiently or efficiently without thinking about doing it. You just do it. (Like a long-time driver whose thoughts wander but can still attend to driving.)

Your, my, and our ego-aspect likely, or usually, prefers Unconscious Competence right at the start, with no need for levels 2 and 3 to learn and to practice what we learn in order to reach level 4. This is a guaranteed path to frustration. Everything in life must go through maturation stages, including our levels of development in every area and aspect of life, if we are to reach the Unconscious Competence level in any one of them. The moment you allow and follow this natural order and process of progression, you empower yourself. You begin to believe in you, and in the Universe, because you become differently-aware of patterns unfolding and merging in the dynamics of your life, as well as your own level of influence.

One thing to practice more often is asking yourself right or better questions like, “What is my head and heart alignment about this” or “What do I know for certain about Universal Laws and resistance,” and even, “What is the right question to ask about this,” and so on. There are more “sins” of omission (not doing what is beneficial) than commission (deliberate wrong actions or choices) when it comes to how we experience life. Even a slight shift that leads you to do more of what is beneficial would make a difference in your experiences and how you experience them.

It’s time to stop aiming solely or primarily at the material aspects of life, and opinions of others, to feel the way we desire. It’s time to aim at honing our skills that assist us to, yes, create roses on our path, as well as navigate through the thorny moments; and to trust ourselves and the Universe. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

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