How Perfect Do You Believe You Have to Be?

Did anyone ever tell you, “If you’re not going to or can’t do it right, don’t do it at all”? That “advice” can be appropriate at times, but the rest of the time, it sets you up for self-sabotage and lack, actual or perceived.

Obviously, there are times when you hope that’s the motto of a person, and you expect them to abide by it, such as someone performing surgery or a medical procedure, or a hairdresser who’s to cut, color, or perm your hair. You want them to get it right, no question about it. So, excluding any specific, significant actions when this statement should apply, we’re left to consider how it applies to the rest of our experiences and actions. How does that statement work for those? Not always for our benefit, that’s for certain. Who can actually say what the absolute “right” way is in some instances or circumstances? The truth is that there isn’t always just one right way to do some things, but you can believe there is and flummox yourself (and others) with this belief. 

For example, I learned about oil pulling and decided to give it a try. (I like it, so still do it.) If you’re not familiar with this medicinal technique, you can look it up online; there are sites devoted to its benefits. But so you know enough about why the statement applies here, I’ll give a brief explanation. You put a teaspoon or so of coconut oil (or one of the other recommended oils) into your mouth upon waking, let it melt, and swish it around for 20 minutes then dispose of it properly. I told a friend about it and she was interested, as well.

When I spoke with her about this at a later time, she told me that it didn’t work for her to do oil pulling in the morning so she couldn’t do it. The way she explained this came across as her really wanting to do it, but she couldn’t do it the way it’s supposed to be done. I said, “Do it later in the day.” She was surprised at the idea, and thanked me for giving her permission to do this—“permission” was the word she used. We have the “fact” of authority figures heaped on us as children and teens. As adults, we are our own, best authority, or should be.

The fact is this: I didn’t give her permission; I suggested an alternate option. If she chose the option, she gave herself permission. Just as one blogger said if you can only do 10 minutes in the morning, do it and do 10 minutes in the afternoon to get the 20 minutes in. Sometimes, I have only 15 minutes, so do that. Better some benefit than none. There are some prescription medications that you have to adhere to a schedule about, and if you miss one, you have to do specific things—this isn’t like that. Many things are not like that. But when you’ve had “If you’re not going to or can’t do it right, don’t do it at all” drilled into you, as I know my friend (and many of us) had, the moment you can’t do something precisely as is recommended or is considered optimal, you might, as she did, believe that means you can’t or shouldn’t do whatever it is or some modification of it at all. Bah! Humbug!

I’ve had to modify my life in some measure, for a specific reason. And there have been times when an expert said or wrote that to accomplish a desired outcome, people (I) had or have to do XYZ in a specific way—and that way didn’t or doesn’t work for me. What to do, what to do? It’s empowering to relax the mind, ask Source for guidance, receive it, act on it, and get desired results. It’s empowering to create something that is appropriate for you and creates desired results. That’s how my first book got written after struggling with how to do it for two years. I stopped taking unproductive action (including suggestions of experts) and asked Source to show me the way. I halted every thought and action my ego-aspect suggested about the book (it had already used two years of my time and energy) and affirmed that I would KNOW, without doubt, the right way when it came to me. It took two months (I had to relax and release), but when the “how” came, it flowed into and through me, and the book was written in two months, writing for 30-45 minutes in the morning, 5 days a week.

Do what you can as best as you can with anything that doesn’t require the skill of a surgeon or the dosage of a medication or the precision of a soufflé. Get whatever benefits you can get by doing what you can do, when you can do it. Don’t let that “do it right or don’t do it at all” statement and or the people who abide by it for every single action act as party-poopers in and on your life. Let “Necessity is the mother of invention” be your motto. Be creative. Come up with options that work for you.

In the greater scheme of life, seldom is there only one absolute way to do some things. The arts demonstrate this all the time. There is no one way to paint, sculpt, compose, sing, play an instrument, dance, write, and so forth, about any creative endeavor. There are as many ways as there are individuals who do them. There may be aspects such creations have in common with their similar modes of expression and some basic rules that apply to each, but something unique to each creative person will emerge. At least, that’s what is desired by the individuals and those who appreciate their works and the arts.

When you let that “do it right or don’t do it at all” statement lead you by the nose about everything, you exist in restriction and lack. You block your creativity and abundance. Don’t do that. What works for one person may not work for you—and that’s OKAY! Find what works for you in every area, phase, and season of your life. It’s the only way to be and feel authentic. It’s the only way to discover and experience your unique expression and or offer it to others. Appropriate-for-you options lead you to learn or discover something you otherwise might not have or to create something you otherwise might not have, something that may benefit others as well as you. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.               

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

Something Wonderful Happens Today!

Emma Curtis Hopkins’ words may not be easy to hear and digest, but they are on point: “The world in which we live is the exact record of our thoughts. If we do not like the world we live in, then we do not like our thoughts.” I’m sure some are ready to disagree with that.

"It never stops," a young woman once said to me after listing situations that were happening in her life and her family's. I wished it were possible to download some of my inner lessons to her consciousness so she wouldn't exist mired in negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. But, the fact is that each of us has to determine and develop our own inner guidance system that helps us maneuver our way through challenges and life. Until such statements as "It never stops" and others she may practice and dwell on no longer “serve” her (and she stops feeding them), her life is going to feel like, and likely be like, a constant struggle—at least, at the inner level, if not the outer.

We all have moments when we feel stuck in such an inner place; but thankfully, we can emerge eventually—if that’s our true choice. I’ve certainly had my share of these. So, I know what it’s like. And I know how easy it is to move into that space and not realize you’ve taken up residence there. It’s like getting so used to your own clutter that’s accumulated over time that you don’t have the same awareness of it as others might. Then one day, you look around and say, “What am I doing? This has got to be uncluttered. I can hardly think because of all this mess.” And, you’re right. Internal or external, clutter is clutter. Sometimes it’s clutter, sometimes it’s garbage. And when it comes to Law of Attraction, the same adage that applies to computers fits: Garbage in, garbage out.

James Allen, who wrote As A Man Thinketh, stated, "No situation can be difficult of itself; it is the lack of insight into its intricacies, and the want of wisdom in dealing with it, which give rise to the difficulty." John Homer Miller said, "Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." My father offered wisdom about this when he told me it isn't about how we solve situations in life that's most important, because there will be some we aren't able to solve—they resolve themselves or time resolves them. He said what is important is how we manage ourselves in the midst of challenges.

One of our greatest gifts as humans is our ability to have emotions and feelings. We need to honor these because they offer so much to us as forms of inner communication that can lead us to learn more about ourselves and strengthen the foundation of who we are as individuals. What we need to remember is not to get too comfortable in a woe-is-me mental attitude. We are meant to take time needed to feel what we feel, but then we can aim to take ourselves to the next level so we can move forward or upward into improved inner and outer circumstances and experiences. A woe-is-me attitude is the same as physical clutter: you don’t know what you really have or can do until you clear what doesn’t belong there from the space.

Some of the experiences the young woman spoke of were ones she could do nothing about personally. Generally, what rocks our boats when we face certain situations is that we realize we are not in total control of everything that happens in life. But, we are participants in what happens during and afterward. We can exercise control over ourselves. We can, as Allen says, look for insights and wisdom. We can, as Hopkins says, consider which thoughts of ours create the inner and outer worlds we do not like and which create the worlds we do; and we should keep in mind another part of her comment: “Exaltation is a magnet for all good things of the universe to hasten to you.”

Exaltation is another word for deeply-felt appreciation for the Truth about Source and what Source has provided for us, which I comment more on in an upcoming paragraph. When we consider circumstances as insurmountable, we ignore the creative power of the One Source of Infinite Love and every natural law put into place by Source to support our innate personal power through our connection with Source and all in existence. As the old saying goes, “Can’t never could.” Can starts inside of us, always.

An unknown source said, "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day." Or, you might say this: Something wonderful happens today. This isn't a wish-it-were-so phrase, expect it. Just be open to the something wonderful being whatever it will be. It may be spectacular or you may have to look for its small glint among the day’s details that require your attention. It may be a diamond or one flake of glitter, but know it's there. You might also practice what the elusive, wise Anonymous posed: "Ask yourself this question: Is my attitude worth catching?"

Improved circumstances are not about Source and life doing things differently so you can respond and feel better, but about you being different in a way that lets Source and life respond to you—match your mental attitude—in the way you prefer. This mirror-image attracting process was set up by Source in the way it was for a purpose. I can almost hear Source saying, “Here’s everything you need. What you do with it is your choice. You got da power! I made sure of it.” It helps to keep in mind that what we give, we receive, whether tangible or thought-forms.

I’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: It’s not about what you can get from the flow, but that you get into the flow. However, I add that you are not to let the ego-aspect taunt you with jibes that say you’re supposed to be in flow all the time or you’re a failure. It’s more important that you discover what puts you back into the flow, whenever you have a need to do this.

Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and words have all to do with your getting into the flow or watching it pass by you while you stand at the edge of it, waiting for something to jump out and into your arms. That may happen (it does), but it’s best if you jump into the flow—if you pop out, pop back in as soon as you can. The first jump you make is with your mental attitude: Something wonderful happens today, and it never stops. Will you look for and appreciate what sparkles in your life? Will you look for and appreciate the Truth of Source and trust it with absolute faith (faith is the absence of doubt)? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.              

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

How Do We Release the Past?

How often we hear that it’s important and freeing to release the past. But, how exactly do we do that? If doing this hasn’t been easy for you, maybe this will help.

I’ve recently written about thoughts that have come to me from Catherine Ponder’s book, The Secret to Unlimited Prosperity, which as I stated before, isn’t solely about prosperity. This is because prosperity is not just about money; it’s about health, well-being, personal and professional relationships, success, and more. This means that thoughts of lack about any one of these will more than likely affect one or more of the others, as well as the big picture of your life. It’s just like when you’re unwell or tired: you aren’t as proficient and efficient as when you’re well and rested. Where do thoughts of lack originate from? Only one place that I can think of: the past. For a better now and future, you must stop living in and based on the past, and begin to live where and when you are: now.

I’ve included segments from Ponder’s book in previous writings, but a few of them are so significant to releasing the past, I’m going to provide them again according to how I add personal meaning to them. Ponder stated that those who have released the past and have accepted mentally the possibility of good are those who get results. First of all, that’s like the chicken and the egg to me. Do you first release the past so that you can mentally accept the possibility of good or does this happen the other way around? Perhaps they happen in gradual measure simultaneously. Doing one should certainly result in the other, whichever order they happen in; maybe you bounce back and forth between the two. However, this is not something to focus on; I just find it interesting to give it a glimpse. It’s more important to do both, no matter the order or process.

Ponder asked, “Are you so attached to old patterns of living that you cannot get along comfortably without them? Are you emotionally attached to lack and illness?” If we hang on to the past and or thoughts of lack in any area of our life that happened or originated in the past, we are attached to that way of thinking, like it or not. Well, ouch. So, perhaps say instead, “I now attach myself to improved circumstances and thoughts about this. I now attach myself to abundance, prosperity, and well-being and thoughts about this. I am no longer hypnotized by appearances, especially from the past. I now mentally accept better circumstances as mine and my right.”

She also asked (and here, I add some words of my own), If you truly want abundance, prosperity, and well-being, do you still gain satisfaction from self-pity over your health, well-being, and finances? You must give up something to make way for health, well-being, and prosperity—probably self-pity and bitterness; probably the belief that you have had a hard time. Again: ouch. Let’s face it: There will be times when we feel sorry for ourselves, but that’s different than taking up residence in self-pity land. And, okay, I can hear, and I completely understand from my own experiences, anyone grousing about that last part she said. What the hell does she mean by calling the fact of a hard time or times in the past a belief?! One contemporary premise says you can change your perception about anything (reframe). This is true, but I offer there’s something else involved. I’ll get to that.

We know that we can’t actually release the past—because it no longer exists! Yes, in some instances, there may be physical scars from one or more events that happened in the past, but they are, usually, healed as much as they’ll ever be, unless they’re still in the healing stage. So, we’re really looking at emotional scars. But what is an emotional scar? It can’t be seen. We can’t take medication for an emotional scar (meds may do some things about emotions or mood, but not what we’re ultimately looking for which is natural freedom from their chokehold on us). We can’t physically find emotional scars so that we can put a balm on them; so the only place an emotional scar exists is in our memory.

What is memory? Let’s consider the fact that every single thing you’ve ever seen, heard, tasted, smelled, felt, sensed, and experienced is even now holding a space in your mind’s library called Memory. This means to experience a memory, you or an outside trigger has to activate it, like pulling up a song on an iPod. So, to experience a memory, you have to deliberately bring to mind or continue to think, once a thought arises, about something that’s not happening now or has happened yet, but that has already happened. Some emotional scars may require time and even therapy to assist with healing; but eventually, to be free of their effects (not their memory), we have to alter how we think about them and how often. Do we reflect on them at times or do we allow them to control us?

Practice a thought often enough or with enough emotional attachment and it becomes a belief. A belief is nothing more than a thought you abide by and practice. No thought, no belief. Simply put, you can’t have a belief without a thought that supports or nurtures it: Ponder used the correct word. I know you already know all of this; but it takes more than realizing it if you’re to release the past: this has to be put into practice.

Now, the ego-aspect may have a problem with all of this because ego tends toward black-and-white thinking, such as, “If I’m to release the past, then that means I have to act as if or somehow convince myself that what happened never happened or wasn’t as bad as I’ve thought.” See what I mean? That’s a totally unrealistic approach and mindset (spiritual comprehension and resolution can shift perspective about something that happened, but not ego-aspect); yet, the ego-aspect will try to take us into that contradictory experience. And if we don’t go there, the ego-aspect will take us on a guilt-trip instead. 

The only things about this that you can actually release are your thoughts in the present about the past. And, in fact, you don’t release them: you just don’t entertain them when they come up, and they will. Nor do you dredge them up on purpose. Sure, if a thought about something from the past rises to the surface, maybe you should give it a look, maybe ask questions about this. Maybe there’s a significant message there that’s to help you right now or in the future. But maybe it’s a neuronal pathway that’s been triggered, and the ego-aspect has slipped an old, scratched album onto the turntable of your mind (any of you reading this too young to know what a turntable is, please look it up on your favorite i-Product).

Negative thoughts about the past do something unpleasant: They cause the body, mind, and emotions to feel as though whatever it is we think about is happening again—right now. Down goes our mood. Down goes our health. Down goes our energy. Down goes our enthusiasm. Down goes our ability to attract more of what we truly desire. Down—We—Go…into a form of mental constipation. What we need to realize is that such thoughts “rob us of today’s happiness,” as Ernest Holmes wrote. Or as author Rebecca L. Norrington asks in her book, RealitySpirituality: The Truth About Happiness, if something detracts from your happiness, why do it? There’s more to it than that, but you get her point. A lot of what detracts from our happiness is self-inflicted.

It’s obvious that the way we release the past so it stops impinging on our present and future experience is to mentally accept that different, better circumstances are possible and our right. Then we entertain those thoughts, and do so from a place of inner serenity, as much as we can, and cease entertaining any opposing thoughts about this (by entertaining, I mean inviting a thought in and feeding it as you would a guest). This never means that we ignore what should be addressed and adjusted. It means we give up the habit or addiction of dwelling on what we’d call the crappy stuff that came before this moment.

If what happened taught you something, that’s terrific. But sitting in a steaming pile of it over and over again without at least growing one flower in its center is a waste of life force and attracts more of the same or worse, AND it causes you to feel bad (reread the parts about attachment to self-pity and being too comfortable in that place). It’s also obvious that we must pay attention to triggers that cause us to travel down rutted roads yet again and, instead, deliberately take the high road. If you’re fully occupied with and committed to traveling the higher road, you’ll be looking ahead to where you’re going, not back at where you’ve been. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.             

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

Mental Attitude, Beliefs, and Faith: A Foolproof Way to Shift What You Believe in Your Favor

What do mental attitude, beliefs, and faith have as a common denominator? Self-talk—that great self-saboteur. Ready to take your conscious and subconscious self-talk to a whole new level?

Often, the topics of mental attitude, beliefs, and faith can feel like something outside of us. Let’s place these firmly within us, where they belong, and as the power generators they are intended to be for us.

How can you know for certain what it is that you really believe? Well, what you really believe is what you practice, consciously (objectively) or subconsciously (subjectively). What you practice is what you have faith in; but, this is a statement that’s more involved than you might think. Ernest Holmes said this about faith in his book, The Science of Mind: “When you analyze faith you find that it is a mental attitude against which there is no longer any contradiction in the mind that entertains it.” What often happens is that we aren’t aware of the subjective contradictions hidden within our mental attitude, sometimes in plain sight. What if there’s a way to shine the light of Truth on subjective contradictions in a way that empowers you as never before? A few paragraphs from now, I’m going to show you how you can do this.

What are some of the things we typically have faith in, when we consider faith to be a mental attitude absent of contradictions? Well, some of them are supportive and some of them are not. As a non-supportive example, we have faith in fear. Do you immediately feel you want to contradict that statement? How’s this for evidence, then? Keeping in mind that faith is a mental attitude about something your mind has no contradiction with: Do you have faith that your job security is not secure? (More about security in a moment.) Do you have faith that you’ll never be financially serene? Do you have faith that you’ll never have the quality relationship (with whomever) that you desire? Do you have faith that you’ll never experience health and well-being in the way you desire? Do you have faith that your strength, support, and/or supply come from others? What else might you add here that your mental attitude has no subjective contradiction with, no matter what you affirm and know you desire?

Still keeping in mind that faith is a mental attitude about something that your mind has no contradiction with: What about your faith in your talents, skills, creative abilities? Do you have faith that you can do or perform well anything you’re good at? Do you have faith that you can learn new things? Do you have faith that you can handle well the tools of your trade you are familiar with? Do you have faith that you can do the everyday things you usually do?

There are many, many things about you and what you do that you do so naturally and automatically that you seldom give thought to them or, perhaps, ever feel and express your appreciation about them. Anything, no matter how small or large or significant or seemingly insignificant that you do (and maybe take for granted) is always a demonstration of a mental attitude (belief, faith) that your mind has no contradiction with. How did you reach this attitude?

You demonstrated it to yourself; and more than likely, this demonstration had you start from where you were, whatever your age was or means were at the time, and involved practice until whatever it was you were learning became natural and automatic for you. Even if there sometimes were challenges about it, you still felt sure enough about yourself and your abilities to meet each challenge. Maybe it even felt like a creative challenge, and you felt good and took pride and enjoyment from meeting it.

Holmes also wrote this about faith, which he wrote in all capital letters, but that was before the electronic age we enjoy today, when All Caps are now associated with shouting at people: “Faith is a mental attitude which is so convinced of its own idea—which so completely accepts it—that any contradiction is unthinkable and impossible.” There are things you believe about yourself, life, and Source that you completely accept—subjectively (subconsciously). You can see how this can work against you or for you.

A unique, powerful way to assist you whenever you need to shift your thoughts out of a negative mental attitude is to insert the words “I have faith that” before any negative thought you’re holding. For example, let’s say you’re anxious about an upcoming meeting. Your ego-aspect is fearful that it won’t go well. How does it feel to make that a statement that proclaims “I have faith that this meeting won’t go well for me.” That’s a whole different energy, when you put specific words to what you’re feeling, isn’t it? If you preface any fearful, negative, or non-supportive statement with “I have faith that…,” such as in this example about the meeting, how will you behave differently than if you don’t have that mental attitude, that “faith” that it won’t go well for you?

Imagine saying the following, or give it a try now, as you read these statements, and see how it feels to proclaim them:

·         I have faith that I don’t have Self worth.

·         I have faith that I don’t deserve the good Source wants me to have.

·         I have faith that finances are a struggle for me.

·         I have faith that health is a problem for me.

·         I have faith that success is hard or impossible.

·         I have faith that I won’t recover from this experience I’m having.

·         I have faith that negativity (anger, bitterness, sorrow) is my path, and that I’ll never get over this or release this.

Every time you have and hold a negative thought, you’re actually making an opposing “faith” statement—a proclamation, without realizing it. You could keep going with more of these statements of your own, but you see how a part of you really wants to go in another direction from such opposing “faith” statements. Somewhere inside you, a voice shouts, “No! No! No! That is NOT what I want or want to believe.” Or maybe the voice shouted, “I absolutely DO NOT believe that, nor do I choose to!” At least, I hope that’s what you experienced. Whenever you make a positive affirmation but don’t put it into practice as a mental attitude, you’re being guided by a subjective opposing “faith” statement, and that’s what you practice, without realizing it.

How does it feel to make these statements?

·         I have faith that Source loves me unconditionally.

·         I have faith that Source supports and supplies me, and is my only True resource because ALL is Source; ultimately, there is ONLY Source.

·         I have faith that I am a good person, worthy of all the good things Source has made available for me to use and enjoy.

·         I have faith that I can make wise and/or appropriate choices on my behalf.

·         I have faith in my particular talents, skills, and abilities.

·         I have faith that I have the resources I need and in right timing.

·         I have faith that with Source, which is ALWAYS on my side, my True security in any area of my current life and my eternal life is always assured.

What else might you add to this regarding what you have faith in about you, life, and Source? What would you like to add or choose to add? If there’s a statement you want to add but feel a contradiction about it, practice the opposing “faith” statement first so you can feel the “No!” then shift it to a statement you have no contradiction with.

Maybe you currently have health issues, financial issues, or any other kinds of issues you’re contending with. Having any issue, no matter your attitude, is not a sign of failure: You must look with larger vision at this. You must keep in mind or re-Mind yourself, as Catherine Ponder wrote, not to be hypnotized by appearances. Having a particular mental attitude may or may not quickly shift your experience or even shift it in the way your ego-aspect prefers, but it will shift YOU in the ways that benefit you most as a Spiritual Being, and be long-lasting.

Use the faith statement method offered above to assist you with this. As Holmes wrote, faith “is a dynamic fact.” This means your mental attitude is a dynamic fact. With faith and mental attitude practiced in this way, the number and level of fears and negative beliefs you may have carried for years begin to diminish and are replaced with serenity, joy, enthusiasm, trust; and the good you’ve been waiting for begins to show up, whether as an outer manifestation or an inner one that you feel. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.          

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

Why the Way You Experience Life Is What It Is

Why is it that your efforts don’t ever seem to pan out as you’d like? Why does the same type of stuff happen to you repeatedly? Why can’t you get unstuck?

Each of those three questions is an important one, but especially why you can’t seem to get unstuck. Anyone who feels stuck in a life they desire to be different and improved contends with the fact of life in this physical-reality experience that how we experience life is a match to or reflection of our inner identity. Let’s go ahead and admit it: this just doesn’t feel good to know or accept. It’s easier to blame someone or circumstances. But that doesn’t create desired shifts, nor will it ever.

One of the popular practices promoted is to shift your thoughts to better ones. That can certainly be helpful and certainly aims you in a better direction than negative thoughts about you or others or circumstances ever could—which they can’t. There are times when that kind of positive-thought shifting feels easier and at other times feels nearly impossible. And, why doesn’t this always work or last as expected or desired?

Shifting thoughts, or using affirmations or visualizations, happens at the conscious level of mind. That’s all well and good—UNLESS—at the subconscious mind level, your inner identity is in direct contrast with what you use your conscious mind to try to convince your ego aspect is otherwise. You’ve got programs running deep, like an underground river, which means that’s where you need to paddle your boat if you’re going to move forward and find your way into the air and light.

It seems logical to then look at beliefs. You’ve possibly done exercises where you look at the beliefs you grew up with and absorbed from others about money, education, success, self-worth, your lovability, and so forth, and then rewrote them as better, more supportive belief statements. That’s a good practice, too. But why doesn’t that practice stick as well as expected either, if it hasn’t? It’s because the original beliefs became what you practiced for a very long time—they influenced your inner identity, and the new belief statements became your new verbal practices, but they don’t address your inner identity—what you believe you know about you as fact and truth, which is where you operate from at all times. And this is why you can get stuck here in belief statements, as well.

Maybe you try to convince yourself to believe in you because you weren’t taught to do that or because your value and worth and lovability were diminished by someone you trusted. But that was their practice, not the truth of you or about you. If—and when—you can truly see yourself as an expression of the God-Mind, you will realize that any thought you have about yourself that isn’t in alignment with that Truth can only be an illusion you practice. What makes the illusion feel real is that your inner identity gets matched in the physical realm to and with people and experiences—like moths to a flame. This is why any true and positive change or shift matches your inner identity at all times.

Your inner identity goes much deeper than the conscious level. It goes into the heart of what you believe about you and even deeper into what you believe about Source, God, God-Mind, One Consciousness, Universe—call it what you will. You may have said to yourself that you are an expression of the God-Mind and have a connection with God-Mind, and meant it or meant to mean it, but do you believe it as your inner identity, to the point where you know without doubt that it’s your Truth? It’s one thing to say it and another to believe it, know it, and live from it. If you’ve believed negative things about yourself for a lifetime, stepping into this Truth may or may not be as quick and easy for you as you’d like. But it’s doable, and it’s worth it so that you live and experience the true dignity of your existence.

If you can truly see and allow that you are an expression of the God-Mind, you will realize that absolutely nothing and no one is the source of your abundance, prosperity, well-being, worth, deservedness, lovability, and so on—no matter appearances—other than God-Mind, which is the only source, and your only Source, of everything. When you can begin to align with that as a fact of YOU and everything and everyone in creation, your inner identify can begin to realign with that Truth instead of the illusions you’ve believed. How you choose to feel about your experiences will shift. You will see your outer experiences begin to match or reflect your inner identity in ways that seem magical because of how fluid and natural they become. It’s possible that you’ve had moments where this was your experience. These were times when you connected with this Truth and experienced that connection as a feeling, a knowing. It’s a feeling like no other.

When your inner identity is aligned with this Truth, or as it begins to align with it, circumstances will become signposts that direct you onto a better path for you, rather than be viewed by your ego aspect as obstacles to beat your head against or be defeated by. And, you will no longer be able to tolerate some of the nonsense you currently tolerate from others or from yourself. I recently saw a quote that’s supposed to be Polish in its origins and is used when others want to pull you into their nonsense: “Not my circus. Not my monkeys.” You’ll also become aware that people who bring nonsense into your life, even serious types of nonsense, are letting you look into a necessary mirror to show you where and what your inner identity is reflecting outwardly and where and how it needs adjustment and realignment to the Truth of your divine nature.

You know your inner identity needs your attention when:

• You are present physically but are mentally focused on or in someone else’s business and life more than in or on your own. That’s a clear signal that you’re engaging victim mentality or are avoiding your own life and what may be needed to strengthen your inner identity, or that you’re doing both.
• Your sense of self and self-worth is diminished or lacking.
• Your energy for your life is lacking.
• You rely on others instead of yourself to cause you to feel good about you or to feel lovable and valuable. No one but you can heal the inner wounds that have influenced your expression of your inner identity.
• Even if loved by someone and or others, you still feel undeserving. This taints the love you give and causes you to fear giving and receiving love, as well.
• You live from your ego rather than your authentic self.
• Even though good things happen to and for you, you still feel empty and or undeserving.
• Compliments or praise make you feel uncomfortable rather than appreciated.
• You’re in a non-reciprocated intimate relationship (or any non-reciprocated relationship). You allow and accept less than you deserve from any and maybe all relationships, personal and professional.
• You allow yourself to accept blame for how consistently unhappy or angry someone else is.
• You allow verbal or physical abuse or apathy from someone or anyone, especially repeatedly.
• Most of your time and energy is spent putting out “fires”—yours or someone else’s—instead of creating something new that you’re enthusiastic about or on being focused on moving forward in your life.
• You use alcohol or other chemicals to escape or cope (long-term and frequent use, as opposed to occasional use).
• You ignore the “red flags” when you meet someone new, whether personally or professionally, and allow yourself to get hurt—again.
• You keep attracting the same types of non-supportive or emotionally unavailable or abusive people, whether in your personal or professional life or both.
• You people-please in an effort to receive approval, acceptance, and proof you are lovable and worthy.
• A person whom you know you shouldn’t be in any kind of relationship with keeps hooking you back in, including with “Let’s stay friends.” You’re addicted to the person—or rather, addicted to the chemicals that flood your body from the stress you experience with them or when you think about them, and your cells keep asking for hits of that particular “drug.”
• You’re addicted to stress and drama, which causes self-sabotage.
• An extreme form of this is when you’d rather not live than make necessary changes, mostly because you don’t realize it’s the condition your inner identity is in that’s contributing to your experiences—and that it doesn’t have to be this way. It’s not your physical life you want over but the cause of what hurts you that you want stopped. It won’t be anyone or anything that shifts in order for this to happen: it will be your inner identity that shifts, and you’ll be amazed at how wonderful this feels, because it is ultimately the true you that you seek and desire to be and express.

There are two significant ways to restore, realign, and re-enliven your inner identity: 1) Get clear on and in your relationship to and with Source and 2) love and encourage yourself from genuine (not egotistical) love and appreciation of and for you. Both of these, working together, can bring healing to emotional wounds that caused your inner identity to suffer. No affirmation, visualization, or positive thought can restore self-love. In fact, as well-intentioned and temporarily beneficial as these can be, they tend to remind you of what you believe you lack. Only your true willingness to love and appreciate yourself and your connection to Source can accomplish this restoration and replenishment. As a dialogue line in one of the Chronicles of Narnia movies said: “I’ve spent too long wanting what was taken from me, instead of what was given.” You’ve forgotten what Source gave you as your birthright—your heritage, as well as your personal power and your divine attributes to use while you’re here. This statement, borrowed in part from the bible, may help: I can do all things through SOURCE, which strengthens, supports, and supplies me through its Infinite Love and Resources.

You also want to stop putting your attention on what happened or happens that calls your inner identity into question and focus instead on why your soul aspect was or is willing to allow such experiences to happen, which was or still is to inspire you to heal childhood wounds that cause you to have the types of experiences you have as an adult, and to take responsibility for knowing and defining your true inner identity rather than let anyone else define it. If your inner identity needs redefining, please understand that this is one of the best, most loving things you can do for you. Others will benefit, but this is for you. It may also require some time and definitely intention, dedication, and—I’ll repeat—time, intention, and dedication to you and your right to an amazing life experience, whether the experiences are amazing or how you experience them feels amazing to you. Your inner identity didn’t shift from a divine expression of God-Mind to you believing it was less than that overnight. So it won’t necessarily shift back overnight either. But, you can do it, step by step, day by day, moment by moment. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.     

           

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Are You or Anyone You Know Too Easily Offended?

Being too easily offended is a form of self-victimization. Ouch! What are the symptoms of this mindset, and what can be done about this?

We don’t always recognize an imbalance in our mindset for what it is. We experience the results of it, though, and that’s where we tend to place our focus, which leads us to completely miss the cause. When we miss or ignore the cause of a mindset that doesn’t serve us, effecting a change is darn near impossible. As Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Anyone of us has times when we feel offended, and perhaps rightfully so. But there are some who are caught in a loop where they seem to be offended more often than not, and in a way that seems illogical to others. If you are or someone you know is too easily offended, this stems from a core thought that has a core emotion attached to it, which causes a specific action to be taken. Every action ultimately comes forth from a desired response or a conditioned one. A core thought may be, “This should not be happening,” and a core emotion might be, “I’m unsafe (whatever form that might take).” The usual, primary desires are to feel safe, valued, and fulfilled. Any of us, but especially anyone too easily offended, may believe if we feel these, caused or provided by others, we will feel happy.

People who are too easily offended are seldom happy and seldom considered happy by others. Some may feel they’ll never be happy for reasons that seem justifiable to them. And those in their lives who attempt to provide what will help them feel happy find it an ongoing and oftentimes futile effort.

What are some symptoms of being too easily offended? Please keep in mind that what’s listed here was somehow part of an individual’s conditioning. They (or you) may not actually want to do what’s listed, but they do practice them, because they’re stuck in a mindset and will remain there until they decide to become unstuck. Also keep in mind that wherever we are on the scale of this, we can all benefit by paying attention to the cause-and-effect factors of these symptoms.

·         People easily offended are consistent (or compulsive) complainers. Some complaining is natural to all of us, but they may take it to an extreme level. Those locked into extreme expressions of this may not realize they seldom engage in real conversations, that is, conversations about things not negative in nature or not focused on them and what they consider their problems.

·         They blame how they feel on others. Whether they use the statement or not, their mindset is, “If this would happen (If you’d just do what I want you to do), then I’d be happy.” Even when someone does what the person wants, they aren’t really happy. They may feel self-satisfied—temporarily—when they get what they want, but that’s quite different from happy.

·         They don’t tend to enjoy or appreciate what they do have because they focus on what they don’t have or believe they have to have, or on what others “need” to do or aren’t doing, in order to feel good about themselves or life. They don’t realize how they victimize themselves, while believing it’s others doing it to them.

·         Easily triggered, they tend to assume and presume rather than seek facts or seek to understand others’ motivations or the bigger picture. A practical or logical approach about issues that come up may not be used, because their first and foremost goal is to eliminate the pain they feel when triggered into feeling offended. They often believe lashing out is the quickest, most effective way to ease the pain. Possible short- and long-term consequences of this action are not considered.

·         Their relationship with what-is is tenuous. It’s likely the same for their relationship with Source. Their personal and/or spiritual growth is impacted because inner work is not foremost in their minds; getting others to adjust their behavior is.

·         They are more often than not angry, bitter, and unforgiving.

·         They may actually be generous and display generosity, but are often viewed as selfish—and often behave this way when triggered. This selfishness arises from insecurity. Insecurity stems from needing validation from others rather than relying on it from self and Source. When they don’t get this validation, or feel they don’t, they demand it in some form or another. Survival (according to their interpretation) rather than personal development seems to occupy their energy.

·         This insecurity causes them to be negative most of the time, always expecting the worst. This makes them miserable, within themselves and to be around. (Law of Attraction is not something they’re aware of, or if they are, isn’t paid attention to.)

·         All of this blocks the plan for their life, blocks their inner wisdom from expanding and working for them.

·         They are trapped in anger and conflict, having not learned that they can pick their battles in life. They feel everything is a battle, not realizing the most significant battle goes on inside them.

·         They see life and situations as always either/or, black or white, them against others, rather than that all are and everything in existence is interconnected, which may cause their thought process to be more mechanical than organic.

·         They relate to reality quite differently than those not as easily offended.

·         They tend to seldom be relaxed or calm, or to deliberately step mentally away from issues for a period of time each day. It isn’t easy for them to have fun or enjoy ordinary moments, or even special ones in the way they might. They may even get angry if others around them are enjoying themselves or are calm. Rather than raise their vibration to join the merriment or serenity, they’ll do or say something to bring others down to their vibration.

·         Their happiness is incumbent on others.

The book How to Have What You Really Want (An Easy Guide That Can Take You to the Next Level in Any Area of Your Life) has this to say about being happy: Happy is not an emotion, it’s a state of being, as is content, secure, and so forth. If you believe that you won’t be happy or feel secure until others do what you think they should, you’ve given your personal power away. If you do this, you’ll continue to try to get from others what you should be giving to yourself. This is one reason many of us lead quiet, or not-so-quiet, lives of frustration. We believe anything we want must come from outside of ourselves. If you accept that what you really want is to feel a certain way, then you have to accept that the only way you reach that feeling is by choosing to—and by looking out for your best interests and honoring the best interests of others.

What can be done about this? The first thing is to see if a health issue is involved. Someone in poor health or in pain, or who is exhausted, may experience some or all of the symptoms listed above. A chemical imbalance or mental illness can cause anomalous behaviors, as well. If either of these is the case, the first thing to do is address it through medical means to provide relief. But appreciation can still be a choice to assist you or the person to experience the self and life from a better perspective, rather than have a when/then mindset. Even one or several small segments of time given each day to appreciation will make a difference.

Here are several questions taken from my iPEC coach training manual that can help you, if you’re easily offended, or someone else you know who is.

1.     Let your inner Wisdom speak: what is the reality of your situation/story/belief?

2.     What do you suppose is really going on here?

3.     Which part of you is talking now?

4.     What do you think is the inner thought here?

5.     Which part of what you are saying is a story and what is the truth?

If you are too easily offended or know someone who is, recognize that although feeling triggered may be justified by an event, another story is running simultaneously, one that will block rational, practical, or even spiritual approaches. A circle will be traveled, one that goes nowhere, but deepens the emotional pain. All of us have a story running underneath everything else that goes on in life. The story is comprised of core beliefs that influence us in every way. The good news is that beliefs change but Truths never do. It’s a matter of discerning the difference between the two, as well as which one you listen to and follow—a belief or a Truth. It’s a matter of identifying beliefs that don’t serve you and replacing them with ones that do, as you move closer and closer to Truths that empower you in positive ways.

It is helpful to know what the cause of how we feel is, but getting stuck on that cause rather than asking “What can I do about this at my inner level that I will do?” isn’t going to get us where we want to be. Question 5 above is a significant one. We tell ourselves stories all the time—and we believe them. That’s the voice each one of us has in our head that chatters on. We can recognize that emotions follow thoughts, which creates a loop, which means we can be deliberate about guiding those inner conversations. We can engage new thinking that allows us to choose better thoughts that serve us. It’s a good practice; one you’ll appreciate.  

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer