What Does Being In Flow Really Mean?

“Get into the flow” has been a catchy phrase for several decades. We think we know what it means: good stuff happens, right? Is that all it’s about?

If you’ve ever been aware that you were in flow, you know how good that feels. We’re actually always in the flow, but the fact is we don’t always feel it or, rather, we’re not always aware of it. The “flow” is a stream of consciousness and energy that is always in motion, always evolving. It’s the All That Is that we are part of. We’re in the stream at all times, but it can feel as though we aren’t. Why is that? Since we’re always in the stream, we can only feel or believe that we aren’t, which means any perceived separation from the stream is just that: a perception, not a Truth. So, to be in flow is often, but not always, a conscious choice, and to be out of flow is always a subconscious choice (who would consciously choose to be out of the flow?). Whichever our choice, it then becomes our state of being and an experience.

I was contemplating what it means to be in flow and these words came to me: “You have to trust, to be in flow; and to be in flow, you have to trust.” The words clarified the process I’ve experienced: Each requires and results in the other. When you trust Source to act in your behalf and trust that all your needs are always and in all ways met, you’re in flow. When you’re in flow, you trust that Source always and in all ways meets your needs and acts in your behalf. And that trust leads you to feel serene, open, and receptive. But, of course, there’s more to this—there always is.

There are aspects of being in flow. One aspect is non-resistance to what-is. This doesn’t mean you have to like or “want” what-is; you just have to release your resistance about it. This includes anger, frustration, self-doubt, and trying to force your will on others and or the situation. Non-resistance does not mean you allow improper behavior or abuse or don’t do what you need to do to affect improvement. Non-resistance means that rather than wallowing in negativity, you find a way to get your awareness back in alignment with trust in Source, which puts you back into the flow so that right solutions come to you and or happen for you. Again, there is more to understand about this, which I’ll get to. Just know that release of resistance is a key that opens a door to a magical realm within you and in your life.

During one of my morning meditations, I looked at something I’d been saying: “It is Truth that my abundance, prosperity, and well-being are always and in all ways supplied by Source.” A realization caused me to adjust that statement to “It is Truth that my abundance, prosperity, and well-being are Source.” Many of us, despite what we know or practice, still tend to perceive Source as something separate from us, and that our abundance, prosperity, and well-being are also separate from us. But, this is not so. There is only Source. Everything in existence is Source. We are individualized expressions of Source. Just as we are always in the stream, everything and everyone we interact with is Source, which includes us. This is something to wrap your mind and understanding around. It may take a while.

Maybe you know how to get yourself—your awareness—into the flow and maybe you don’t. Maybe you’d like some tips on how to do this quicker and easier. There are some things to consider about this first, because the things to consider are also tips.

For example, what about when you ask or pray for something? Do you feel in flow at such times, or do you feel outside of it? One way to get into flow at such times is to understand that the ultimate prayer or request and the ultimate answer are the same, or should be—if you truly desire to be in flow: “Thank you for always and in all ways acting in and for my highest good and the highest good of all involved, and always in right timing.” For you to be fully on board with this and trust it, as your own practice, there’s something you need to understand: sometimes the answer may feel like it’s anything but the answer, until the moment you realize it is.

One personal example is this: I had a serious, debilitating experience going on for me and nothing I tried worked to shift it. After struggling with this for a Very Long Time, I finally realized I was addressing the situation through resistance, even though I believed I was trying to be constructive and productive in my attempts to affect a solution or resolution, also known as trying to control everything and everyone involved so I could feel better. So I said, “Source, I’m leaving my ego’s need to fix this the way it wants it fixed out of this and I’m turning this matter over to you, because, frankly, I don’t know what the hell to do about it. I trust you to act in and for my highest good and the highest good of all involved.” And, I meant it. I was flat-out frustrated, and I knew frustration was not the path that would get me where I wanted to be.

Well, a lot of shift had to hit the fan first. And, yes, there were many moments (days during a several-month period) when I was anything but serene. Then something happened: What was needed showed up, or, rather, unfolded, in its right timing. I soon realized how everything that had happened had been necessary, and how utterly brilliant it all was. There was no way I could ever have accomplished the inner and outer outcome on my own, and I really mean that. The design plan was flawless. Only a consciousness that had all the information could accomplish that outcome. What was needed was provided, even if it felt at times like I was in hell or at least purgatory while getting there. 

I realize that not everyone thinks about these things the same way I do. For some, they perceive only what they see and never go deeper. I see beyond what appears evident (eventually, and because I look for it because I KNOW it’s there): I see the cosmic tapestry where all the threads contribute to the bigger picture, if you will. And sometimes what I perceive about events could or would make some people feel uncomfortable or even angry and absolutely ready to dispute my interpretation.

An example of this is a friend who had to say goodbye to her elderly, failing, beloved dog. That’s a heartache that only someone who’s been there can empathize with. About a year later, she and her husband had their first child, and the child, it turned out, was allergic to dogs. As painful as losing her dog had been, imagine the heartache that would have happened had she been forced to face the situation that could have arisen. Every living thing has its time and purpose. And, there is a higher-level communication between all things that is going on at all times that we are not consciously aware of, until we see the evidence of it, if we use our “eyes” to see it with. This kind of awareness is another form of being in flow, as are moments of intuition.

Another form of being in the flow is to realize the truth that “No man is an island.” Just as we often perceive Source and our good, our resources, as outside of us, we can also perceive ourselves and our resources as separate from others. The no-separation Truth ties in with another statement I make during my morning meditation: “Thank you for my ongoing unlimited increase in Mind, Wisdom, Mindfulness, Intuition, Serenity, Money, Energy, Creativity, Spiritual Realization, Well-Being, and (something private to me that also serves others as well as me).”

Each of the aspects I listed are obviously good things to have and experience, and perhaps you can see why anyone would want them to be part of their being and life. But one morning, the realization came to me that not only do these things serve and benefit me, but that they also allow me to serve and benefit others in ways appropriate for them and for me—and are meant to do so. No man is an island—ever—except in his own mind and or heart.

Suddenly, my statement had an entirely new texture and I had an entirely new understanding and feeling (realization) within me. To be in flow means we have to realize that it’s not a one-way street that flows into our life and stops there. This may seem obvious, but is it really integrated as your understanding and way of thinking, feeling, and being? Whatever we desire or need and receive and have is meant to flow to us, for us, and through us in some way, at some time, and in some measure. That awareness, that consciousness, that realization is another form of being in flow.

If you’ve had any level of struggle in your life, it’s possible that your primary focus has been on receiving; and you may have felt that as soon as you have extra to give or share, you’ll give or share it. Apply my list to this, as though it were your own, and see what comes up for you. Here’s the list again: ongoing unlimited increase in Mind, Wisdom, Mindfulness, Intuition, Serenity, Money, Energy, Creativity, Spiritual Realization, and Well-Being. Can you feel the benefit to you and to others, if these are your experiences? Can you perceive how life is richer for all involved when they overlap?

In times of struggle, appreciation is definitely a form of putting yourself back into the flow. Say money is a bit tight, but there are things you need to take care of that require money. Maybe a lump sum shows up for you or maybe various amounts show up at different times, and what you experience is each need being able to be met at the right time—maybe not ahead of time, as your ego aspect would prefer, but in the right timing. Any moment when you can genuinely appreciate how this is working out for you is a moment that puts you—through your awareness—back into the flow.

Being in the flow, where you receive what it is you desire and need is wonderful. But being in the flow where you understand the greater give-and-receive loop that feels so good is even better. It’s a higher level of being in flow. When we practice being in the flow, we truly do not have to seek what we need and want, it comes to us in expected, unexpected, and wonderful ways, and often with a promptness that is astonishing, as Dr. Ernest C. Wilson stated. It’s the ultimate way to work smarter, not harder. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

The Simple Meaning of True Magic

When we get Law of Attraction to work the way we prefer, it feels like true magic, doesn’t it? Here’s something that puts what really makes it work, what our true magic is, into practical perspective.

Trying to figure out how to make Law of Attraction work for us, in our favor that is (it is always working), and feel confident about our skills is something a lot of people focus on, and often. I had a dream where five critters had been presented to me in a certain way, to get my attention. At first I had no idea what it meant, until I thought about the critters and realized they were represented in some material I have: Medicine Cards by Jamie Sams and David Carson. So I picked up the book and read about each critter. Then I found it—a phrase that said it in a nutshell: “. . . magic is no more than a change in consciousness.” If you know anything at all about metaphysics and Law of Attraction—and even if you just think of magic tricks, you recognize or realize that the statement is absolutely, undeniably correct. Similar statements have been made by many others, but sometimes it’s a matter of reading or hearing the right one for you, at the right time.

This connects to something else I read just a few days before I looked at the medicine cards. I was cleaning out a chest of drawers, getting rid of stuff I no longer needed to keep, when I came across one of my TUT messages from 2008 (TUT is a site where you can sign up to receive clever, uplifting daily notes from The Universe, aka Mike Dooley). This was the message:

“Tell me, when you think of taking consistent action in the general direction of your dreams, (your name), do you imagine discipline, stamina, work, sacrifice, monotony, courage, and strategies, or are you thinking adventure, discovery, new friends, excitement at the crack of dawn, magic, surprises, fun, laughter, and, on occasion, the Macarena? P.S. Your chosen perspective changes everything.”

Wow! Read that every morning, before you start your activities for the day and before you start any and every project—or anything you’re going to do (and maybe every night), and how do you imagine you might feel and perform? What and who do you think you’ll attract to you? Which version do you usually choose? Which version would you prefer to choose? Yeah, I prefer to choose the fun version, as well. Okay, there will be times when you read that message, if you choose to practice this, and you’re aware that your energy is a little lower than you’d like. This tells you that your thoughts about conditions are influencing you. I say more about conditions in a moment.

When we practice the first version in that message, we suppress the true magic that is innate in us, which means we block it from ourselves and our lives. Then we likely do all manner of machinations to try to find a way to put the magic back in, while we continue practices that don’t and will never allow the magic to perform for us as it’s designed to. We are the spiritual magicians in our lives; all we need to do to experience the magic—our magic—is to shift our consciousness so that the innate magic can work for us. Easier said than done, you say? Is that a fact? Only if we decide it is. Yes, you may have to apply yourself to this, but practice makes progress.

Why do we struggle with shifting our consciousness? Because the mindset we’ve operated with for so long is a habit and who the heck likes to shift a habit? This would mean we’d have to work at it. We want it to be easy, to just happen (and happen immediately); plus, we don’t like the word “work.” This would mean we’d have to really see ourselves—our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions that we often let control us and sabotage us and our lives—then do something about them, for crikey’s sake! It might really annoy us to see how often we practice anti-magic thoughts, feelings, words, and actions, and who the heck wants to admit they’re ever wrong, or worse—doing it to themselves? And, this would mean we might not enjoy the process, and who wants to do more of what they won’t enjoy (but this is true only until the moment you begin to experience desired results, of course, then, you’re in, even if it takes a while for you to really jump in with full commitment and enthusiasm).

Ernest Holmes wrote in The Science of Mind, “To rise above the contemplation of conditions is to enter that field of Causation which makes all things new in our experience.” If we look at the TUT message again, we see how when we practice the first part of that message, we do so because we are focused on conditions. If we practice the second part, we rise above conditions via our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. And this will cause conditions to shift and improve or, at the very least, will improve our perceptions, which can lead to serenity, even when life feels stormy. We gain new, preferred experiences rather than repeat old, worn-out ones because of what we practice, as well as, likely, gain deeper understanding.

To paraphrase and add to something else Holmes wrote, all our experiences represent the different phases of our beliefs, which means we can give ourselves over to the Truth and the good magic as easily as any other belief, if we are confident in and or one with our spiritual realization of Truth. Why we may not find this as simple as we’d like ties in with what I said about why we struggle when it comes to shifting our consciousness. To realize our responsibility makes us uneasy. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes…and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” Another relevant quote comes from Ralph Marston: “Concern yourself more with accepting responsibility than assigning blame. Let the possibilities inspire you more than the obstacles discourage you.”

Then we have to face another fact: All of this is not about our thoughts alone, but about the feelings we have underneath our thoughts. This is why you can affirm or practice something out the yin-yang, but until you find a way to believe what you’re saying and thinking—to find some measure of Truth in your statement that you align with and feel as truth, you’re basically spinning your wheels. Never confuse activity with productivity. This includes mental activity, especially mental activity.

We struggle with the fact that the Law of Attraction is subjective. Holmes explained it this way: The chief characteristic of the subjective Law is that It is sensitive, creative and can reason only from a deductive viewpoint. Being the very essence of sensitiveness It is compelled to receive the slightest impression of thought; being creative, It is compelled to act upon this thought; and being deductive, It cannot argue back or deny any use of It that may be made.

It isn’t that once you reconnect with your magic everything will be perfect and life will be challenge-free. In fact, to have that idea or belief is just another way to focus on conditions we don’t prefer. Challenges assist us to focus on possibilities and to hone our magic skills, if you will. And we can use our magic to buffer the effects of challenges that show up as we strive to deepen our understanding of ourselves and of how the magic works for us. What we can also understand is that a challenge may lead us to initially feel like the first part in the TUT message, until we adjust our consciousness to one that supports the second, possibility-driven version.

We make tremendous strides the moment we realize we don’t acquire our magic; we awaken to the fact that it is already there, and then we apply it to the physical universe around us with more conscious awareness than subconscious default practices, practices you can change through your conscious choices and practices. This is when we rise above group consciousness that may be influencing us and instead express our lives in an individualized way, in a strengthened, trust-in-Source-and-ourselves way. When we do this, we realize the Truth that our magic IS no more than a change in consciousness. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.                   

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power. She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com

Choose to Unclutter You and Your New Year Now

Inner clutter happens when your focus isn’t on the appropriate point of attention. So, what is the appropriate point of attention?

A clutter coach gets contacted when an individual's living or working space gets disorganized to the point that the person can no longer function as efficiently as they'd like to or need to. A process is then engaged that involves getting rid of what no longer serves the person, creation of a system of organization that suits the person's particular needs and wants, and a commitment to attend to clutter in a timely fashion from that moment on. This process easily fits a person’s life, as well: a life coach or therapist is contacted when clutter happens at the inner level, which causes life to feel chaotic or unmanageable, and a commitment to shift this is made.

One way we clutter our lives is when we don't look after our best interests, which is supposed to be our ever-present, appropriate point of attention. Sure, we may do this for ourselves most or many times, and in specific areas of our lives, but we can usually identify one or several areas of our lives where we falter in this regard. For example, we may feel guilty or selfish if we don't always put others’ needs before ours, even if this harms us health-wise or impinges on our quality of life. Perhaps we forget or don’t know that when we honor boundaries, this leads us to recognize who is responsible for what, rather than over-burdening ourselves with emotional baggage that is someone else’s responsibility to carry and work on, or burdening others in this way.

Inner and outer clutter causes us to feel there is something off in our lives (outer clutter often occurs as a result of inner clutter that’s unrecognized or denied). We may believe that if we wait a while, the situation will balance itself or go away. This isn’t necessarily an untrue belief, but we have to discern the difference between trust in the Universe and its natural flow of energy, and the avoidance of appropriate action. Maybe we shove against a metaphorical brick wall, rather than look for a more appropriate way to move forward.

Maybe we believe that as spiritual or metaphysical types, we have to suppress or deny any or every negative feeling we have, forgetting that these are messages from our higher self, sent to assist us in our physical experience of life and personal growth. We need to ask ourselves what we feel, rather than think, about what’s going on, as well as what we'd like to do to shift a situation or us. If we peeled away the layers of bad feelings that happen when life is not going the way we'd prefer, we'd find at the core or heart of the matter that when we don't look out for our best interests, we enter a state of self-rejection.

Self-rejection clutters our minds, hearts, and lives quickly, and in some circumstances, thoroughly—like a blanket thrown over us on a warm night, causing us to feel smothered. Consider all the thoughts, feelings, and actions that might be attached to self-rejection, and the myriad ways that self-rejection may manifest in our life. We practice self-rejection when we fear cutting our losses. We stay in a situation longer than we should, or don’t speak up or take constructive action as quickly as we might, often because we fear what will happen if we do, otherwise referred to as fear of the unknown or even fear of feeling fear. If you attempt to restore balance and it doesn't work, do you know why you don't move on, from either where you are or how you perceive and handle events? Many don't choose to make a move or shift until it becomes more painful to stay where and how they are than it is to make a change, no matter how much this may scare them.

A new year, like a new day, offers the promise of a fresh start. Unclutter you and your life by giving conscious attention to what is in your best interest, what is truly appropriate for you and your life. I'm talking about the kind of best interest that is based in conscious awareness, not the ego-based selfish kind. Always choose to honor yourself, and do so from a place of personal integrity, which helps you to stay strong. You don't want to be rash in your decisions, nor angrily aggressive: that will lower your energy and amplify any self-rejection feelings you already have even more. If you need to make a plan, whether for inner, outer, or both aspects, do so; then follow your plan and adjust it as needed.

Unclutter your mind and heart through your intention and commitment to make your life one of quality and fulfillment and grace. Don't be afraid to cut your losses if something really doesn't work, especially if no matter what you do, nothing changes or it gets even worse. Believe me, I know from personal experience how these suggestions can feel easier said than done, but we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward on this. Because, on the other side of that decision is a field of potential and opportunities and good feelings waiting for you to show up so you can live the life you came here to live and feel about yourself the way you desire to feel. “Do not wait: the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand, and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.” – Napoleon Hill

My wish and hope for you and all of us as we move into the upcoming holidays then into a new year is that we honor who we are and came here to be as ever-evolving, ever-learning and growing individuals. That we choose to treat others as we want them to treat us instead of how they treat us; that we treat everyone how we should treat ourselves, including ourselves, if we aren’t doing the best job we could of that. We could unclutter our lives, and the world, if we put this into practice. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.        

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Happiness May Be As Simple As This

The primary cause of much, most, or all of our unhappiness is our demanding ego aspect. Once you understand what this means, you can do something about it, starting today.

Unhappiness may be as simple as this: If we’re angry, upset, discontent, bored, or frustrated, we’re allowing ego to run the show. Contradictions upset the ego aspect. What do I mean by contradictions? Ego wants life to be easy, but that isn’t always the case. Ego resists change it didn’t first approve of, but shift happens. Ego wants money to be easy and abundant, but it isn’t always like that. Ego wants perfect health and vitality, but that may not be the way it is. Ego wants fair weather so it can be comfortable, but it rains or snows or is hot and humid. Ego wants no problems, but challenges happen. It wants people to behave a certain way, but they don’t.

“The angry person is acutely sensitive to all they are owed by the world, and blind to all they have received,” said Jules Evans. This is what happens to the ego: It focuses on its demands and ignores, discounts, or forgets the blessings and gifts that have been received (in the moments when you’re appreciating blessings and gifts, you’re not doing ego). Ego leads to self-absorption (it’s all about me), which leads to regrets. I’ve got a few of those and still contend with this from time to time, but I’m getting better as I pay closer attention to this. Just know that the moment ego feels uncomfortable or insecure, it screams for what it wants, which means it’s likely screaming in our heads every or nearly every waking moment, unless we do something about this. I offer a few suggestions for your consideration further on.

Any contradiction to what ego wants will trigger negative emotions because the ego’s opinion is that nothing and no one should contradict what it wants. I know—unrealistic, isn’t it? And annoying. And we all experience this. What does this ultimately mean? It means that nearly all, if not all, of our emotional pain is self-inflicted. Ugh.

One thing that helps is to develop flexibility—become flexible about contradictions. I’ll give you an example from my life. This past weekend (Nov. 2013), my friend and I planned to do what we’ve been doing for several Saturdays: Visit my mother in the nursing home then have a leisurely lunch at one of our favorite places. Instead, we arrived to find my mother needed to go to the emergency room, her second trip to the E.R. in ten days. The ambulance took my mother to the hospital and we met her there. Fortunately, they easily found what the issue was and that it was simple to take care of, but we were there far longer than anticipated.

By 4:30, they said she could go home but the nursing home van couldn’t come for her; there were no available drivers—a first for all the E.R. and hospital stays we’ve had in less than a year. So they called the ambulance service to do the transport. We learned that even if an ambulance is almost to the hospital door, if they get an emergency call, that call becomes a priority (this happened twice as we waited). We waited from 4:30 until 8:30 that evening for a ride. My mother wasn’t happy. She was understandably exhausted; we all were. She was sorry she’d altered our plans for the day. I told her we have to be flexible in life or we’ll end up with two situations: the actual one and the one caused by our attitude about the situation.

There is a solution that can help you shift from being negatively affected by the often demanding, often inflexible ego aspect: Make your life a spiritual quest. In a spiritual quest, you practice flexibility on all levels; you practice passionate detachment so emotions stimulated by ego don’t run amok and steal your serenity, joy, and inner balance. You do this as often as you can re-mind yourself to do so. And you practice the two most important prayers you can ever say: 1) “Thank you;” and 2) “Please assist me to expand Perception.”

Heartfelt appreciation opens and expands your energy and inner power, and attracts resources you need and blessings you didn’t expect. Expanded Perception liberates you and raises your energy organically because you begin to struggle less and less with contradictions. Struggle is a result of ego running the show and running you ragged trying to appease it. The less you struggle with contradictions, the more the contradictions ease up in your life (you definitely ease up about them). And if they don’t ease up in quite the way you’d like, instead of resisting them, you consider them as part of your spiritual quest and look for why this might be. When contradictions happen, you’ll look for or feel for the most appropriate way to move yourself through them and beyond them, as well as what is and is not appropriate action for you to engage.

What if what happens in our lives, the contradictions large and small, are actually part of the quest we’re currently on, and not as random as they seem? What if they happen in order to nudge us to choose a spiritual quest instead of what we usually choose? The trick is that you have to want to shift this. You have to have a clear intention and commitment about turning your life into a spiritual quest rather than an ego-dominated tantrum or treasure hunt. The Universe awaits a clear sign from you that you’re serious about this. Once it gets that sign, you’ll begin to see it show up for you more and more, and in surprising ways. The Universe will not respond to your requests and needs until you get quiet and calm and trusting. Until then, you’re like a prickly cactus, and not even your Universal Helpers will approach you.

Pay attention to how society and media mislead you (your ego aspect) about what you should expect from life or what you have to have in order to feel about yourself and your life the way THEY say you should. You may have been convinced that fitting into the box they’ve said you must want to fit into or assigned you to fit into is the right way to go, but does it support your spiritual quest? If it doesn’t, agree to not fit. Stop some or most, or all, of the struggle the ego leads you into in order to fit into a mold designed for you by someone else. Forget the molds. The Universe doesn’t and never will have a mold with your name on it.

Create an expansive inner experience and you’ll find your outer experiences will start to catch up, but only in ways that are for your highest good and support your spiritual quest. For example: If a million dollars or more will actually support this, it’ll show up. If a million dollars or more will only cause your ego to get quiet for about five seconds before it starts yowling again, that’s not supportive of your quest. This goes for anything and everything your ego says it has to have. Or, you may get what your ego wants and still be miserable and ever-fearful of losing it. Forget what you’ve been told you must have or do. Forget what others have or are doing. Follow YOUR quest. Have your own adventure.

Happiness can be yours whenever you release ego’s demands on you that are based in fear and insecurity. Happiness can be yours when you become more flexible about inevitable contradictions. Happiness can be yours when you let go of resistance and embrace flow, which often requires you to be spontaneous and to trust the “How”—how what you desire will happen: You’ll know when you know. Happiness can be yours when you are able to stop using the labels “good” and “bad” about people and situations, as ego would have you do and say “It just is” and go from there, as your quest self would have you do. Happiness comes when you can really see what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been acting, when you can see how different this is from what you desire for yourself on your spiritual quest—and love yourself in spite of this, while you work on your energy and Perception. All of this can be an exit visa from the Assoholics Club that ego tends to create for members, a club we all visit or linger in at one time or another.

Another thing you can do to help you stop listening to the demands of ego to the same degree is to reserve using your logic for specific times, and tune into your feelings (not your emotions—that’s different), meaning your intuition, inner knowing, gut, head-and-heart alignment—whatever label works for you. Logic is ego’s playground more often than not. It’s what makes you turn cartwheels in place in life trying to make or force something to happen (to satisfy the ego) rather than sitting quietly for a while, asking for what you want, then waiting for the right answer or resource to connect with you, however it connects with you, whether that’s an insight, an overheard comment, a billboard, or any other creative means the Universe uses to reach or assist you.

Ego wants you to believe you’re an intellect in a body, but the quest will lead you to realize that you are Feeling expressing in physicality. No matter what you think, say, or do, it’s always, always about the feeling you have or desire to have. But please keep this in mind: ask for expanded Perception. Expanded Perception will get you through situations as you move forward on your spiritual quest. It’s the limited perception of ego that causes so much trouble in our lives and causes us to feel negative emotions so often.

Also know that the quest is not necessarily convenient; in fact, it often isn’t. This is why many start on their spiritual quest and either ditch it after a while or have lots of starts and stops. The quest asks you to deal with contradictions differently than you have, which pisses off the ego in a big way. It might even try to tell you that you (it) were happier before all this quest stuff. You weren’t, of course, or you never would have considered the quest to begin with, or you wouldn’t have read this far. Plus, if your ego tells you to feel special or holy for taking on the quest, you’ll go round and round the same ego mountain over and over.

Ego wants the quest to be easy. It can be, but at the inner level, once you start expanding your Perception and become more Flexible, and remember to say Thank You to the Universe for the gift of all your experiences. Yes, even the ones that make you uncomfortable. Everything and everyone can teach you something about yourself, and for the most part, you don’t have to pay for this “education”.

Your quest helps you build your spiritual muscles. If you continue to operate predominantly or solely from ego, your spiritual muscles continue to shrink, until life and you become lifeless and filled with irritations, and you feel there’s no way out but death, which ego usually isn’t so keen on either. But the more you trundle, flow, or stumble down the path of your quest, the more control you gain of your inner self. The more control you gain of your inner self, the less ego and others can control you. Paraphrasing one concentration camp prisoner’s comment: They can take everything from you but your attitude. Your attitude is part of your inner power. Your quest is your commitment to your inner power and self-governance, and reconnects or strengthens your connection to the Infinite you’re a part of. It’s the difference between happiness being a result of what happens to and for you that your ego likes or being able to choose happiness no matter what and whenever YOU choose it. 

As you can see, a true spiritual quest requires dedication from you to evolve beyond the control of the demanding ego. So, even when life or a situation is challenging, choose to look for the sign that says “Spiritual Quest This Way” and head toward it. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.      

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The Trap of Self-Importance

We sometimes misunderstand what being authentic really means and find ourselves visiting or living in the ivory tower of the ego called self-importance. It’s a trap.

Our interpretation of what it means to be authentic or true to ourselves can be misconstrued in a way that leads us to certain behaviors, like considering others to be and treating them as less in some way than we perceive ourselves to be, such as less spiritual, clever, equal, worthy, and so on. When we practice self-importance and there’s something in life or another person we don’t like, we behave certain ways, ways that are different than if we are operating in an authentic manner that comes from confidence in our personal power and knowing we are an infinite spiritual energy having and sharing a physical experience, who at times feels just as challenged as others do.

Self-importance is a form of isolation and a form of self-loathing. Even when we feel somewhat close to others, it’s still lonely, because self-importance is a solo pursuit. A need for self-importance stems from fear: the fear of others seeing that we have two sides called light and shadow, the knowledge that we’re not always right, and that we do make mistakes and practice behaviors we ought to reconsider. We fear seeing this in ourselves and owning it, as well.

Self-importance leads us to think we’re the only ones who experience this fear (we’re not), which might be called a form of self-absorption, and we’ll go to great lengths to keep this hidden. This, of course, keeps us from feeling authentic. If you really want to feel authentic, accept that you have pleasing aspects and not-so-pleasing aspects, and be at peace with this. Accept this so you can become whole again. A good number of us are walking around pretending we are nothing but good and right, when we’re not; and when we bump against this truth, it can freak us out a bit. This is why we work so hard and stress so much about keeping this fact and absence of wholeness hidden from others and ourselves, and why we deflect evidence of our flaws when they’re made obvious, usually with anger so the focus is shifted away from us. But we get tripped up from time to time because the opposite of any good aspect we possess and demonstrate is always lingering next to us, ready to express itself if something motivates this into action.

One way self-importance takes form in our lives is the ivory tower syndrome. The extreme of this is the high-maintenance types of personalities. There are many “sizes and shapes” and levels of this, but what each have in common is the belief they are, or they have a strong desire to be, considered elite in some way. This can happen to anyone anywhere on the economic scale because it’s an emotional, not financial, matter. Keeping in mind the possible levels of expression, elite or high-maintenance types believe no one’s needs or input are as important as theirs, whether this strikes them at particular times or is a consistent practice. What others feel, desire, or need are secondary, if not irrelevant, when a person is trapped in or practicing any level of self-importance. They feel others are there to serve them so as to meet their needs, abate their fears, and feed their ego, each of which has a voracious appetite. The longer they remain in the ivory tower, the hungrier their ego is and the more frightened and needier they become.

These types tend to be high-strung and easily triggered. This is because they are afraid of what they might lose and how easily this loss may happen, especially what others think of them—even when how they choose to behave seems to contradict this. (Change and loss happen as a natural part of life, but their coping skills haven’t been practiced or practiced in helpful-to-them ways.) It doesn’t take much for them to feel threatened. Anything that’s contrary to what they feel they must have or must experience will cause this feeling. They are stressed a good deal of the time for this reason.

It takes a lot of energy to keep the illusion (or delusion) going in a way that makes them feel safe; however, for them, feeling safe is an illusion, as well. It’s something they never truly feel or feel for long, because the ivory tower is a “house of cards” construction. They’ll pretend to themselves and others that they’re strong and in control, but know at their subconscious level that they don’t believe this or feel it. When they’re afraid, they come out fighting, in one form or another. It’s their attempt to feel in control again, though, they never actually feel in control—it’s a pretense they consistently confront.

Let’s put away judgment, though, and right quick. It’s easy for any one of us to go to the top of the tower at times, or even to step over the threshold or climb a few steps. When we feel self-important or desire to, we believe the way to not feel so scared or feel hurt by others and life is to be apart from or elevated above the fray (even if just in our own minds), isolated for the most part from what and who causes us to see how insecure and unsecure we may actually feel or believe ourselves to be. It’s such a contradiction, really: the need to be elevated above others and the need to be loved and accepted by them at the same time. It’s a bit mad and definitely exhausting—to all involved. And it is always, always, always about self-acceptance even though we burden others with this, expecting them to fix or supply this for us.

It takes a lot to sustain the tower of self-importance, so everyone within the circle of influence is expected to dance to the tower-dweller’s tune. When they boast or go on and on about themselves, others are expected to listen in something like a state of reverence, or at least deference. The self-important are moody, have hair-trigger anger and other emotions, and are often self-centered, though, resist seeing this aspect in themselves. (See what I mean about not judging: all of us can have moments when we demonstrate these behaviors, and for the same reasons.) But this can become severe, which usually happens when the person is terrified the tower will come down—and who will they be then?

If others aren’t focusing a great deal of attention on them and doing whatever it takes to make or keep them happy or feeling secure or good about themselves, who are they? It’s a form of taking rather than giving, which closes or constipates the loop of abundance, be that financial, success, serenity, or anything else, but especially feeling loved. We have to be and give that which we wish to receive; and we do receive what we give, based on the energy underlying any exchange. The balancing act of karma is exact.

Besides the ivory towers, we have the ladders we are told we have to climb if we want to be somebody in this life, which really triggers self-importance. There are ladders for prestige, popularity, financial wealth and assets—there are lots and lots of ladders. Even if we climb them, we still might not feel authentic in the true sense of the word: strong in knowing, accepting, and loving ourselves and adept at what author Stuart Wilde calls The Three Graces: generosity, kindness, and respect. To practice the graces means you don’t perceive yourself as separate, special, or elite. You recognize the interdependence of all things and all people.

Being authentic doesn’t mean you don’t take care of yourself or look out for your best interests—you must. But you do this with an attitude of grace and softness rather than aggression or belligerence. Sometimes the best service to others you can provide is to send them a silent blessing and head off in another direction while they figure out why the energy seems to work in reverse for them, for however long that takes. Sometimes, it’s in your best interest to stick around for a while and discover what you need to work on in yourself, because they will reflect this to you.

When you’re authentic, you know you’re going to spend some time in your shadow side but you are also dedicated to getting better at choosing to practice the three graces more often than not, and learning from your shadow aspect. When you’re authentic, you look for ways appropriate for you to be of service to others, while you also take care of yourself, rather than so focused on being self-serving. When you’re authentic, you experience a form of enlightenment that releases you from the tower because you realize enlightenment is not elevation: it is integration. In fact, let go of seeking enlightenment and seek integration through generosity, kindness, respect, and your appropriate-for-you service to others and humanity, which may be just as much an attitude or mindset as it may be an actual product or service. This will raise your energy.

Each time you raise your energy in this way, the rest of humanity’s energy is raised a bit as well, because there is no, in reality, difference between your energy and theirs. We’re all in this sink-or-swim experience together. Your inner power will grow as a result, and you won’t need to be special because of this expansion of your personal power, but you’ll use this power to assist others to trust themselves in a way that helps them feel strong and safe. And when others do think you’re pretty nifty, you’ll appreciate this from a spiritual humility that feels wonderful, expansive, and affirms your contribution.

Self-importance will eventually bring you to your knees, including literally. I had an experience of this recently when I found myself having a relatively small self-satisfied attitude moment. My foot went out from me in that moment and I literally landed on my knees. Sure, I knew that the combination of something on a tile floor and soles that do better on dry surfaces could create a slip or fall in 3-D, but I also knew instantly what it was really about. I quickly aligned myself with humility (and an icepack).

Self-importance, in its myriad ways of expressing itself, is a form of pollution. It pollutes the energy of those who need to feel self-important, as well as anyone and anything they interact with. And, others, who don’t appreciate being made to feel less than, will become defensive or take offense at the energy spiking out at them. If you consider that everything is shared energy, you can see why this pollution bit is true. You want to stop polluting your energy and your life and come down from the tower on your own volition before the tower crumbles or leans over to cast you out. You want to be on your feet, not in a heap on the ground or on your knees (except in gratitude). Become a spiritual environmentalist and clean up your energy, including judging those whose fears lead them into and up the tower of self-importance. The moment you judge them you practice self-importance. Send them a compassionate blessing instead, because you’ve been there yourself and you know what it feels like.

Walk your path in reverence for humanity and life. No one’s journey is easy or free of fears, no matter what it looks like on the surface. It’s remarkable and lovely to feel the humbleness of making a real difference, large or small, versus a “See!-I’m-special!” trap of the frightened ego-aspect. Ask yourself often what it is you want to contribute while you’re here, what you want your personal legacy to be, even if it’s a silent, less-obvious one. Check in with yourself to see if you consider others subservient to you or less “whatever” than you, or do you practice the three graces as often as possible? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.       

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

What Is the Spiritual Path Really About?

Have you ever felt the spiritual-metaphysical path was just too challenging and wanted to jump off that ride? There are a few things you can do that can make this a smoother journey.

Here’s something you may want to keep in mind: The spiritual path is more about how much you get rid of rather than acquire. What does this mean? It does feel good to learn a new tool, technique, or method that we anticipate will move us forward on our spiritual-metaphysical path, but what we often do is acquire one or many more of these while still hanging on to the old beliefs, thoughts, feelings, words, and or actions that got us into feeling the need for a shift in the first place. We basically fill our inner space with opposing thoughts that cancel each other out. Or we still practice what doesn’t work, along with the new practice, at least until we give up when the new doesn’t seem to work—and this is usually because we still practice what doesn’t work, as well.

If we want to awaken spiritually-metaphysically, yes, something “new and improved” may be just the thing to assist us. But something that will get you there just as fast or faster is to begin to shed false and limiting beliefs and ineffective practices. This means you have to figure out which of your beliefs and practices fit into these categories—and then stop doing them, whether you replace them with a better way or not, though a replacement is a good idea, as long as it puts you into head-and-heart alignment, integrity, and inner serenity with your choices.

Here’s one example of how we often approach this. There’s something about your experiences or life that you don’t like and you want to change. Maybe you take action on this. Maybe that action changes what’s external to you but you still don’t feel the way you prefer to. Maybe what changed for a while goes back to what it was before, or worse. Maybe all you do is criticize what you don’t like, and do nothing to shift this.

Now, imagine you’re standing in front of a mirror and there’s something about your reflection you don’t like or you want to change. How effective is it to walk up to the mirror and try to change what you don’t like in or on the reflection? How effective would it be to yell at the reflection to change? If we want the reflection (our experiences and how we feel about ourselves) to reflect what we prefer, we have to make the changes within us first. We have to resonate what we want to experience and feel, as challenging as that can sometimes or often feels. But it only feels that way because it hasn’t been our practice before now.

Let’s say you’ve held the intention to seek or have enlightenment. Think of that enlightenment like a boiled egg. Your enlightenment is inside the shell you have around it. All you have to do is peel away what doesn’t belong there. You see, you already have and are the enlightenment you seek. That’s your natural state, before false and limiting beliefs became the shell this Truth became encased in. If you want to feel more enlightened, stop doing anything that doesn’t demonstrate enlightenment. Peel your enlightenment egg one bit of shell at a time, whatever bit is ready to be removed. This sounds easier than it might be as your experience.

When you get started on the spiritual-metaphysical path, and even after you’ve been on it for a while (unless you’re one of the rare few who experience a total transformation overnight or in a moment), there will be times when you screw up and you don’t mean to. You’ll have confusing times. You’ll have times of frustration when what you are learning and have thought you knew overlap. You’ll have times when the exploration and discovery process feels bad, especially when you see (perhaps for the first time, or—sigh—yet again) some of your less pleasing aspects for what they are. You’ll also have moments of bliss and deep knowing.

If you’re like me, you may have discovered when you first started on your spiritual-metaphysical path (or will discover) that life seemed or seems to go topsy-turvy at times, which seems contrary to your belief about what should happen once you’re more spiritually-metaphysically inclined. It may have felt—and may still at times feel—so uncomfortable to expand and evolve in this way that you want to ditch the effort. Hang in there. Eventually, you’ll recognize what’s happening. You’ll recognize these times for what they really are—opportunities to learn about yourself and strengthen yourself—and then put them to good use.

Let’s face it: All of us have times when whatever enlightenment we’ve garnered seems to go out the window as soon as we’re triggered. Except for those times when instant emergency measures are required, whenever you’re triggered, count to ten or twenty, taking in deep breaths and exhaling all the oxygen in your lungs. This will calm your chemicals down and will calm your mind enough so that you can think. We’re familiar with the saying or experience that we’re so upset we can’t think straight. This is an accurate assessment! And one we can take back our personal power about. When we feel fear, anger, resentment, and so forth, we disconnect (for as long as we carry that feeling) from the Infinite Mind we are an expression of’, and this is when and why life feels far more difficult and challenging than it’s meant to be. These are the times when we flounder and make choices we wish we hadn’t.

So, how can you shed false and limiting beliefs? One way is to really look at your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions, even if that’s uncomfortable, so you identify which ones support how you choose to be in each moment. How about prioritizing? Prioritize what is genuinely important and important to you, rather than try to drag everything you’ve been told is important, along behind you. Consider what endorses you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually-metaphysically…and chuck the rest. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.      

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Stop Giving Away Your Personal Power Through Blaming and Complaining

When you blame others or events for how you feel, you give your power to them. You’re saying they control your thoughts, emotions, and subsequent words and actions. How’s that worked for you so far?

It was a combination of things: too many days that were too active, various more-than-usual stresses each day, and a need for rest and sleep that led to my being more easily annoyed than I anticipated or appreciated. The more tired, exhausted, or overwhelmed we are, the easier it is to fall into this mode. The next thing I knew, I was off balance. I kept replaying the moments and conversations that had annoyed me over and over in my mind, and that annoyed me, too.

That’s a vortex that a number of us tend to go into, or can, when we need to look out for our best interests or take better care of ourselves on all levels. Something I know but temporarily forget (especially when I’m annoyed) is that, yes, a person or an event may trigger me, but after that initial trigger, everything I think, feel, say, and do is mine and only mine. I’m responsible for it, no one else.

There’s a positive aspect to this, though: It brought several things to my attention. For one, complaining and blaming absolutely does lead us to feel as though our personal power has diminished in some way; only, it isn’t anything or anyone external to us who diminishes our power—only we can do that, because our personal power is within every visible and non-visible atom of our being. (Actually, our personal power never diminishes. We can only convince ourselves to believe that it does.) Feeling disempowered adds even more bad feelings into the mix. We can usually directly address what or who has triggered us, and hopefully do so in a constructive, productive manner. However, it also feels bad when, for whatever reason, we don’t address issues in this manner and instead let our annoyance fester inside us.

There will always be situations we can’t control, but we can always control how we manage ourselves through and beyond them. There will always be people who, even after we speak with them, won’t alter their behaviors, but we can manage how we engage with them, as well as what we take on of theirs as ours. We can always find a way to restore belief in our personal power. A sure way to start on this path is to stop blaming and complaining. But that feels hard to do at times. So, what can we do to put our mental feet on this path?

Get off the topic. Seriously. When your thoughts of annoyance continue to loop through your mind, do something that requires your complete focus so you get your mind off topic like read or watch a movie. Do anything that holds your attention fully for an extended period of time. This isn’t avoidance; this is a way to start to rebalance your energy and perspective.

Let’s face it. If something gets addressed or even resolved, but not in the way you prefer, or if you aren’t able to resolve it and you now have to deal with how you feel about that, you want to re-energize your personal power as quickly and easily as you can. Putting your focus elsewhere can help you do that for a while. Get off topic until you can approach whatever or whoever it is that has upset you, with less emotional charge. You will not be constructive or productive if you’re an emotional mess. You’ll also attract more of the same experiences and become even more of a mess. Then, not only will you be upset about the original matter but also with yourself, even if your ego-aspect insists you blame someone or something else for how you feel, other than your personal perspective and choices.

Here’s something to keep in mind: The Universe cannot yield to you anything different than what you feel about yourself. Abraham-Hicks said that, and it makes sense. If you’re inclined to argue with this, pause and consider your life experiences and the basic tone or theme of them. This is also why you want to do whatever it takes to restore your awareness of your personal power: to shift the tone or theme your life has taken on as a result of being out of balance emotionally. In balance and in personal power is what you want your frequency, your transmitted attracting vibration, to be.

Another powerful statement Abraham-Hicks suggested we make whenever anything negative or even positive happens is this: My point of attraction equals that. When anything positive or negative happens, pause and make that statement and see the truth of it. If you don’t like your point of attraction, shift it. Complaining or blaming won’t do that for you. In fact, you can even back up a bit and consider whether you were blaming or complaining before the latest event happened.

That’s what happened with me. And it’s a cause-and-effect pattern I’m well aware of after all these years, and I still sabotage myself with it from time to time. It’s as though there’s a realistic spiritual limit to how much, for how long, and in what manner we are able to vent before that “glass” fills and spills over into blame and complain and creates a mess in our attraction energy fields. At least, that’s been my experience. Once I remembered this, I was annoyed with myself about this as well, but then let that go and replaced it with appreciation that apparently (or so I prefer to believe) this was a path I needed to travel in order to re-mind myself of this Truth. Yet again.

When we allow our mind and emotions to become scrambled by annoyances, we become servants, so to speak, of the annoyance energies and of whomever or whatever we blame for “causing” us to feel them. We mentally and emotionally disconnect from our higher selves and our personal power during such times, and this is why perceived disempowerment feels so bad. We feel alone and fragile. We feel in mental and emotional pain, weak rather than strong, ineffectual rather than creative and innovative.

The way to shift this is to remember we are more, that we are always more than how we appear to ourselves, and others, in any given moment that we feel disempowered. We can reclaim our personal power the instant we cease to feel, think, say, or do anything that is opposite of personal power. We might even follow the “Ask and it is given” philosophy with this statement: Let there be Light here. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.     

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

What’s There to Complain About?

People might say there’s a lot to complain about these days, and so it’s been throughout history. How’s that working for you and for all of us so far?

We all complain aloud at times. Does it count as complaining if we do it silently to ourselves? Yep. And we’re likely guiltier of this silent “complaint-athon” activity than complaining aloud because of how many thoughts we have each day. It would astonish us to actually mark down how many times we complain in just one twenty-four-hour period. That’s a lot of thought energy going—where, and to what end? Complaining aloud or not attracts more to complain about into our lives. We also cause ourselves to feel bad when we complain.

Complaining is a sign of discontent. This feels even worse when we do nothing to create improvement at our inner and or outer levels about what we’re unhappy with. Discontent is an opportunity to ask how you can improve or make whatever you’re discontent about better, even if just a bit. The reality is that whether you feel discontent or not is up to you. Discontent is a feeling brought about by a thought you have. Ugh! This means we are responsible for what we choose to think about after the first time the thought pops up and then what we feel as a result of this thought process. We may not like this, but it’s a fact.

This doesn’t mean we are to believe we are supposed to feel positive only. That’s a fallacy, an imposition, and unrealistic. However, most of our everyday, continuous bad or unhappy feelings are self-generated, and that’s what we want to consider and address. A real need to vent in order to be heard and validated is necessary to all of us at times. But we should be able to recognize that once we’ve told our story once or a few times, if we continue to talk about the same thing over and over—unless it’s a deep psychological matter that needs qualified professional assistance, we’ve gone beyond venting and have entered the realm of complaining, especially if we take no productive or constructive inner or outer action to improve ourselves and or what upset us in the first place. This doesn’t mean we are to set about changing everything and everyone we are discontent with, which is impossible (and in some cases, rude), but to at least change something within us before we aim at changing what we can that’s external to us.

Self-pity is a form of complaining, and demonstrates you’re not using your personal power properly. Any form of consistent complaining, especially about the same matter(s), depletes the personal power you do have. It hinders your ability to remember that your power and strength is within you, not outside of you. Your personal power is within your thoughts, within your ability to choose your thoughts, before it’s found anywhere else. Self-pity, or any form of consistent complaining, is like a sticky substance, which is why it makes people uncomfortable; it makes them suddenly remember an imaginary appointment they’re about to be late for or that a pot is boiling over on the empty stove, so they have to disengage the call. They feel compelled to flee because they know at an energetic level that self-pity is a one-way road downward, possibly into an abyss.

Complaining is resisting. It’s getting stuck where you are and putting your attention and energy “there” rather than putting your attention on what you can do that you will do. You can’t awaken or expand your consciousness if you practice resistance and fear more than you do awareness and flow with what-is in the moment. If you want to awaken or expand consciousness, you must strengthen your spiritual foundation based on your relationship with Source and your self, to help you release resistance and fear, in order to go beyond them. You must look for solutions rather than amplify the problems.

When you focus your attention through complaining, resistance, and fear, you decrease available brain power, which is the very thing you need to move forward and upward. Those who have awakened consciousness or strive to will have their emotions stirred up at times, but they also know they are to strive to move forward, and they do so, as soon as possible or practical for them.

When you feel any level of negativity, and especially strong negativity, the way to reduce the charge of that energy is to release resistance to what-is. The way to release resistance is to find something or someone to appreciate then connect with that feeling and energy. There is no resistance in appreciation. Think about that for a moment. The way to convert complaining, in any of its forms, into personal power is through genuine appreciation, which is a form of infinite love. Appreciation, aloud or not, attracts more to appreciate. And, you instantly feel better when you do this. Maybe not fully the way you want to feel, but better.

When you complain, especially if consistently or pretty close to that, silently or aloud, you focus on what you consider wrong. When you find something or someone to appreciate, you shift your point of attention from what’s “wrong” to what’s right, to what’s good in your life, and what’s working; and this attention leads you to put your attention on how YOU can improve, which leads you to improve your situation and or experiences.

What contributes to complaining as a practice? I’d say the number one reason is this: Not loving yourself. Begin saying “I love myself” several times a day, especially before you go to sleep and when you wake. And I hope you recognize that I’m not referring to a narcissistic or ego-based love, but more like the love you feel when you gaze at a sleeping child you cherish or a beloved pet. Recognizing that love you have for them, how do you treat them? How intentional and committed are you to give them proper care? This is how you want to treat you. And the way you treat yourself ripples outward to how to treat others and life.

Other, “common” things that contribute to complaining as a practice include: Inadequate or poor quality sleep and rest or recharge time; poor diet (garbage in, garbage out—energy-wise); watching more news than you need to; dwelling on or staying stuck in self-pity; allowing the habit of or addiction to complaining to run you and your life; criticizing others (as though your own slate is clean). All of these and other things you might list contribute to or build an unhappy life, which leads to complaining about your life. You might believe that if there were no causes for these things listed to happen (others or life doing it to you in the first place), you’d stop complaining. But that’s a bassackwards approach that has never and will never work.

When this is your state of mind, it’s also your state of being. It affects you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When one area is out of balance, the other three are affected. This state of mind robs you of energy, creativity, and life force. And you are the only one who can shift this. “If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.” – Unknown

Some of the changes you can start with include doing the opposite of those energy-depleting behavior practices listed above. Do at least one opposite practice every day, but every day find something and someone to appreciate, or at least three of each to appreciate. Do the “I love myself” practice every day and watch and see how you start to feel, how your energy begins to shift upwards, and the improvements you begin to come up with and act on.

Most of the “crapolla” we put ourselves through and allow in our life is because we haven’t allowed ourselves to truly love ourselves (we take care of what we truly love). We burden others with our need to feel loved; and even if they love us, we still may not feel the self-love we crave. We bought into the indoctrinated idea that loving ourselves is a “bad thing” to do, when not loving ourselves in the way I described is absolutely one of the worst things we can do to ourselves, others, and our life.

James Altucher wrote: “This is how we form a better society. First we become better as individuals. You can’t help others if you look in the mirror and hate what you see.” Of course, he isn’t referring to our physical appearance, but how we feel about ourselves. If we appreciate ourselves, this influences how we create and nurture our life experiences and personal and professional relationships, and how we build and nurture society. Unfortunately, we, for the most part, really do love others as we love ourselves. We need to amp up love in our lives and on our planet; and not starting next week—now.

How can we do and be better at this? We have to improve our thinking. When our thinking improves, life improvements follow. For our thinking to improve, we need to start with better health (diet, sleep, exercise); better mindset (adequate sleep, less stress—whatever it takes to get you there, but more often than not it’s more about shifting your perspective first); feeding your mind with better information through books and other media that uplift and or help you expand your conscious awareness; connecting with your trust in Source and of yourself, and daily practice of thoughts that get you off the negativity merry-go-round. 

A moment-by-moment question we can ask is this: Which one will result in joy and or fulfillment for me as I move through this situation (or day)—complaining or appreciation? And please remember: if you don’t like something, figure out how you can improve yourself (starting with your perspective) and or the situation even a bit. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer