The things you do or
don't do about New Year resolutions are what you do right now as a consistent
practice about any such decisions. Whatever you don’t do about them, and why,
you can do differently starting today.
How would this affect how we practice the Golden Rule?
It's important to
understand why resolutions you make any time of the year fizzle out. You may
feel a desire for something to shift or change, but if your commitment to make
it happen doesn't match your desire, you'll return to doing what's convenient
or familiar rather than what it takes, because it’s really a wish rather than a
genuine desire backed by commitment. Resolution
means you are resolved, committed, intentional.
Another reason is perhaps
you aren't clear about your WHY: Why you really want what you say you do. The
reason you think you want something may be buried under layers of other
thoughts and feelings, hiding your real reason, which is a feeling you wish to
have and keep. For example, if you want to reduce the numbers on a weight scale
or increase the numbers in your bank account, what's your why? If it's so the
opinion of others about you will be what you want it to be, that's a formula
for probable failure and an unpleasant experience: that’s too many people to
attempt to please. Maybe what’s really there is a desire to feel loved and
accepted, which is a layer over your real desire to love and accept yourself,
which requires a different approach than weight loss or focusing on more money,
alone. This kind of thought process can, of course, be applied to anything you
say you want.
Sometimes the absence
of an effective plan is what causes the fizzle. What is an effective plan? It's
something you have head and heart alignment about. Stated a different way, it
includes required steps you are fully committed to taking and, possibly or
likely, are even enthusiastic about taking, and is in alignment with who you
know yourself to be and your Principles.
Aim for what will really make you sizzle so you won’t fizzle.
There are key steps to
take, in order to fulfill any desired intention (that is, any intention that is ultimately for your highest good and the
highest good of all involved) and say goodbye to resolution blues, which is
about causing yourself to feel bad about resolutions you don't keep, and to
feel good about ones you do.
1.You have to be fully aligned
with what you say you want and what you are resolved
to accomplish. If, every day, you replay images of yourself as not having
your desired outcome or experience, or you replay what it feels like to not have what you are resolved about,
you aren't as open to ways you can make it happen more easily as you might be
and you are blocking the result from happening more readily, because you are
focused on not having it, plus, not feeling good about yourself or life as you
move through this process, which is, essentially, being in opposition to
yourself.
You cannot be
negatively focused and “charged” (“It’ll never work” or “I’m not deserving”) and
affect positive change at the same time. A small shift from "this is
awful" to "there is a way" does make a difference, simply
because one closes you off to inspired ideas and actions, as well as receptive,
attracting energy, and the other keeps you open to them and doing what’s
required. Whether you call this energy or attitude management doesn’t matter;
it's an important practice.
Sometimes anger is the
motivation that moves people into action. That is a step up from hopeless or
apathetic, but unconscious actions
taken from anger are generally not the best ones to take. You might feed a need
in the moment, but what do you intend to build long-term? How do you really feel once the anger need is
satisfied? It's important to feel what you feel and let this motivate you, but
is unconscious action based in anger your desired practice? Does your action,
or speech, come from consciousness
(the ability to accurately observe
and assess what’s going on) and preserve integrity and moral rightness or does
it deplete these? If you can act from justified
anger (based on a true infringement on your Rights or the Rights of others) as
your catalyst AND maintain morality (do no harm) and integrity, that’s
different.
2.There are two ways to make a plan. One way is to be motivated
by fear. This typically leads to long hours, agitated energy, bad moods, and
lots of activity that may not actually be productive. You may be conditioned to
believe that worry, strain, stress, frustration, criticism, and other such
fear-based "motivators" are effective ways to create change, but
how's that worked for you so far? How does it feel to be in and operate from
that place?
It's imperative that
you put your attention on what really creates shift. You've been told you can't
succeed without a goal, strategy, or a plan. These are tools that help you stay on track, but they aren't what make things
happen initially or keep you on the path. Kurt Wright wrote, “Commitment is a magnet.” Your
intention, commitment, and aligned energy are what ignite forward motion and
build momentum in you and cause what you desire or something better to happen.
This means that the better
way to make a plan is to take a little time to get clear on what you really
want, and your true Why, and align your energy and attitude in a way that keeps
you open to inspired ideas and actions, right timing, right people, right
opportunities, and right resources. This allows or causes you to make a plan
you are in alignment with, as well as be in alignment with taking required actions you include in your
plan. It supports the courage you need to get started and to keep going. This
isn't pie-in-the-sky thinking. When you do this, you build a foundation that is
so strong, you can aim at and go toward anything you truly desire that is in
your and the greater best interest, because what you build is Self Trust, Self
Esteem, Self Empowerment, and Self Reliance.
Whatever you tell
yourself you want from your New Year resolutions or resolutions made at any
time of the year, those four Self attributes are what lie underneath your
reasons for wanting what you do or say you do. You want to do what is needed to
believe in yourself completely and from an authentic perspective, not a
perspective of trying to get the approval you desire from others, though that approval
may (or may not) happen as a side-effect.
It is important that
you know what is appropriate or inappropriate and fulfilling or unfulfilling
for you, including you in the bigger picture. What's probably causing you to fizzle out is that
you've never taken the time or the courageous stand to define what your ideals
are for YOU in the different areas of your life. But I don’t mean just for you,
as in solely service-to-self, but for you and
in service-to-others and beyond, into service-to-Truth; hence, for the
highest good of all involved. How can you go for what you really want if you
don't even know what it is, or are afraid to state it even to yourself then
claim it?
A
resolution is only as good as your defined image of it (using your imagination
productively and constructively), your commitment, your enthusiasm, your
alignment with it, and your core underlying reason for wanting it, which is,
ultimately, how you really want to feel as an individual and as an integral
contributor to the reality you share with others. Start now. It's neither too
early nor too late. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
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