Disconnects cause you to live from ego which focuses on fear, lack, emotional pain, upheavals, and frustrations. Disconnects occur in such a way that you don’t actually realize what happened and when.
Let’s start by saying you are never ever disconnected from Source: You can only perceive and believe that you are. I was looking at some areas of my own life when I realized I was living from the belief of disconnection from Source in those areas. A visual image came to me. If you saw the first movie in The Matrix trilogy, recall when Neo is being released from the pod. Recall how all the tubes snapped off their connection to his body one by one. It’s somewhat like that in my imaginings about our own disconnects, with an exception: I see us coming into this physical experience as beings with Source Energy glowing as a light from within outward, forming what you might call an energetic light field of love and support all around us. I see it as billions of delicate illuminated filament-like energy strands, so many that the light appears as solid. Each time something happens or we’re told something that doesn’t feel like Source Love to the ego we come here with to serve to protect us, one of those filaments disconnects from our energy field. It unplugs, but it doesn’t go far. It waits quite near us for us to reclaim it as ours.
Who knows how early in life disconnects actually start to happen: I don’t know and won’t attempt to guess as to whether this is before birth or only after. But for our purposes, let’s start after you were born. Those early years of our life are ones with which we have no ability to process thoughts and feelings: we simply feel. Our ego perceives correctly and incorrectly what happens based on how we feel rather than on accurate information: we don’t develop the ability to process information with logic for several years after we’re born. So, you cry and no one comes as fast as you’d like to tend to you. What we call abandonment and delay enters your ego aspect as one filament each for security and for flow disconnect. Your diaper needs changing and no one rushes to the task. A filament for ease of needs being met disconnects and the idea of struggle and being uncomfortable until someone else takes care of you gets filled in by ego.
You’re a little older now and want something but are told it’s too expensive or there’s no money for that. Filaments called self-worth, abundance, prosperity, and ease disconnect, and ego perceives non-deserving, lack, and another form of struggle, especially for money, as a result. You’re told you’re bad, as opposed to being told what you did was not a good thing or was inappropriate and why. Filaments of acceptance, self-worth, and unconditional love disconnect, and ego fills in those gaps with seeds of self-loathing, people-pleasing, and more abandonment fears.
You’re told or it’s demonstrated that the person or people you rely on and love don’t have time for you. Even if it was because your caregiver was overwhelmed with responsibilities rather than just not interested, filaments that have to do with support, love, and connection disconnect, and ego perceives more abandonment because ego now believes you are undeserving and not special enough for attention from those who are supposed to love and care about you most. You’re told “I don’t have time for your nonsense.” Filaments that say you have purpose and contribution and rights to speak up for yourself disconnect. Ego perceives that your efforts, ideas, or arguments on your behalf are invalid and worthless; that you are worth less.
You aren’t allowed to do something others are allowed to do, even if it’s considered a normal activity for a child, because your parent or guardian has a fearful mindset. Filaments about you, life, and the world being a relatively safe place disconnect, and ego fills in their places with a belief that you aren’t safe anywhere and even that you are not safe unless the parent or person or someone is there to make sure life is safe and risk-free for you.
You’re touched inappropriately or are sexually abused. Maybe you tell someone and aren’t believed or nothing is done to protect you even when you tell. Or maybe you don’t tell, because you were told you or someone you love would be harmed if you did. Filaments about being cared for, protected, and receiving appropriate treatment, as well as speaking up for or protecting yourself disconnect. Ego perceives you deserve abuse and inappropriate treatment; that secrets must be kept and negative experiences suppressed. Maybe verbal or physical forms of abuse, or both, occur. Filaments about safety, security, love, deserve, and so much more disconnect. Ego perceives that you deserve this treatment and even leads you to self-punish and practice self-sabotage in myriad ways, including when no one is around to do this “for” you.
If yelled at when your body is unwell, or perhaps plans get altered for your caregiver or others because you’re unwell and need extra attention, filaments of compassion, care, love, deserve, and well-being disconnect. Ego perceives that you don’t matter; that even your real needs don’t matter; that you take up space, time, and energy of others. Perhaps you’re talked at rather than with. Filaments of self-worth and self-esteem disconnect and beliefs that you have nothing worth sharing or contributing fill in those spaces.
You’re told you’re unattractive or physically flawed in some way. Filaments that support your true beauty and perfection, worth, and that you are an expression of Source disconnect. Ego perceives that you are unacceptable as you are and that you need to make up for this “personal failure” in other ways, whether that’s with specific actions (and people-pleasing) or folding up your personality like a telescope so that you’re seldom “seen” and heard.
The disconnects listed above, and much more, indicate a fragmented self results after numerous such experiences happen during childhood and over a lifetime. The ego takes over driving your life, choices, and what and who you attract into your life rather than you living from your true spiritual self and does this in proportion to how many disconnects still exist in ratio to how many connections are still in place or have been restored. And because the more you let ego run the show from its pain-filled and distrustful perspective, the more disconnects continue to happen. One of the reasons you can feel worse over time as an adult is because of this.
Your ego tells you the only way to feel better and have better experiences is to have control over who and what is outside of you rather than do needed inner work, which is another conflict if you feel you have no control. We think the instances that happened to us are our wounds, but it’s the result of un-restored disconnects that are the wounds, which only we can restore. The more disconnects you restore, the more Source energy flows into you. You add more light into the dark patches in your energy field, which causes more darkness to diminish.
What you need to know and remind yourself of is that these occurrences that led to disconnects were the opinions and actions of one or a few (also wounded) people during your childhood, but they were taken as truth and fact because you were likely not taught the Truth about Source and your connection with Source during your formative years. Because you believed the occurrences and people, and because those disconnects led to more disconnects, you now believe things about you that simply aren’t true. And because the Universe reflects back to us what we project from within, you get more of the same. What makes this difficult is that this happens subconsciously. No one would choose to feel about themselves the way that so many do.
Every event that causes you to experience more of the same is trying to get your attention onto disconnects and then onto those Truths about you, life, and Source that need to be plugged back in. It would likely be impossible for every child to go through their early years into adulthood without any disconnects happening; this could only happen if they were raised in an environment filled with only healthy, whole-minded others. As adults, we try to think our way out of this, which isn’t effective as we’d like, because this happens at a deeper level than the conscious one—it happens in our emotional body. Anything that happens in adulthood that matches what we came to believe as a result of our early-years disconnects, appears to us as facts of life and not reflections of what’s happening at our inner level—what we think about and feel often: fears, lack, low self-worth, etc.
The ego is part of our nature that is supposed to protect us so that we don’t walk in front of a bus and the like; but just as the child cannot use logic until a certain age, ego believes that living from fears and distrust of self, others, life, and Source will protect us, is the only way to protect us. A survival program based on ego’s perceptions and interpretations is running the show, but it makes us miserable, and we don’t know how to shift this to thrive rather than just survive. Part of this program is to show reruns in your mind to support what the ego wants you to believe. It’s painful. You end up reliving over and over all the things you want to get away from or let go of, but not just in your mind; you relive them in your emotions and your body, and as experiences. All of this causes us to aim at just being able to function as best we can rather than feel as good and as strong as we can and as Source means for us to feel.
All of this leads us to feel that we aren’t supported by life and Source, which is false. But life and Source cannot respond to us fully as long as we hold such a feeling and as long as we let ego hold the reins. In this way, we ourselves block our good from life and Source. Ego convinces us that we must attempt to control circumstances and others rather than flow with life and Source working through us and for us. We don’t feel connected with life and Source in the way we are designed and meant to, and this hurts. In Elizabeth George’s novel, For the Sake of Elena, she writes about a character named Penelope who has been making life-altering choices to appease others and is suffering on all levels because of it. This narrative line says a lot: “But until she learned to redefine herself, circumstances and not Penelope would do the deciding.” And as Guy Finley wrote, “Confusion is the distance between what you're being shown about yourself and your refusal to see the same.”
Suffering is the result of perceiving and believing in a lack of connection to Source and what this means as your true nature. In this inner place, we tend to not gravitate toward who and what will support us in life. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy or process. It is an illusion of disconnect. It’s the child in you trying to make life work rather than the adult you co-creating with Source.
It would be an interesting process for you to identify your own disconnects, not so that you dwell on them or go down Blame Lane, but so you see them for what they are and for what they are causing you to believe and act from. It’s a matter of noticing them in ways like, “I have this challenge with money. This means somewhere along the line, I’ve experienced disconnects that may involve deserving, receiving, worth, security, contribution, self-love, acceptance, that someone or something is my source, and who knows what else. But Source is my supply in and of all things, and Source’s resources are infinite and available to me at all times. What I need to do to heal and restore this is find the way that works for me to really feel this as the Truth and my truth.” It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer