If You Want to Move Forward, You Have to Kick Some Buts

Energy is always in motion; but you can feel stuck when your thinking process goes in opposing directions. Here’s an effective way to get your thinking and energy moving in one direction only.

Is it even possible to think in opposing directions? Yes. It happens when you say or think, “I want (this), but…” Attention on what you believe opposes what you want (whatever follows the “but”) will never, ever lead you to what you do want. This opposing motion makes your energy and your life feel stuck in place. To shift this you need to find and kick your own buts.

There’s a lot of talk these days about surrendering to what-is, some of it from me (surrender meaning allowing the appearance of something that’s present in your life and working on it from there, rather than resisting it, or to give up or give in). I’d like to clarify this a bit by adding that we tend to focus on what-is as it appears to us or as we interpret it, rather than on the energy underneath it (cause and effect). In other words, we’d assist ourselves in a better way by allowing the appearance to be what it is instead of resisting it (because it is there), and identifying the cause and effect factor, to see how we may do something different or differently, in order to create a desirable shift in us and in our experiences.

Because our ego-aspect prefers being comfortable and unruffled, we can get lost or mired by focusing on the appearance of what-is in our life, which puts us in the mindset of opposing thoughts, which means situations or matters don’t change in the way or as quickly as we’d like. Then one day we feel more uncomfortable than ever before. We feel a sense of urgency about a needed change or adjustment in our lives; and we may even feel we’re running out of time or have. The last thing we – that is, our ego-aspect - think we need to focus on is the energy underneath the what-is we’re concerned with or panicking about.

The thing is that this kind of focus is your best option, maybe your only option, at least initially; and you will have to allow right timing, which you can support with trust in Source and by doing the inner work. That which bothers us is or can be a motivator to get us moving forward, but that is one choice presented to us. The other choice is to be miserable about what we want and don’t have, as yet. Under anything and everything we ever want is, in reality, the feeling we expect the having of it to give or provide to us. Once we grasp this truth, we can access a whole new level of inspiration, motivation, and potential. When we identify the feeling we want to have, then choose to feel it no matter what’s going on, this is the key that unlocks that particular door and many other doors for us.

Sometimes, though, our “buts” cause us to believe we’re thinking or doing one thing when we’re actually thinking or doing another. Here’s an example of this. Let’s take something many people say they want: Security. Let’s try a quick thought experiment with this. Say to yourself, “I want (or need) security.” How do you feel when you say this? Please take a moment to actually say and feel this statement so you really get this; perhaps close your eyes to do this, and stay with it for several seconds.

Did you keenly feel the absence of security, if you don’t believe you have it or can? Did you perceive the silent “but”: “I want/need security, but I don’t have it/will likely never have it/work or struggle so hard, yet still can’t seem to attain it”? Does security feel like an object positioned somewhere outside of you and far off in the distance?

Now follow the same closed-eyes instruction and say this to yourself, “I choose serenity.” How did you feel when you said that? Did you feel serenity start to flow into you, or even outward from you as though it had been let loose from its container, when you said you chose it then paused a moment to be with your choice? There was likely no feeling of distance; and even if it felt outside of you, it likely felt closer than security did. You might have felt it flowing into you or even, perhaps, merging with your hidden or buried inner serenity.

The energy vibration of the word “security” vs. the vibration of the word “serenity” can be quite different at your inner level, despite your intention. The word “security” likely leads your energy to vibrate at the frequency of not having it or not having as much as your ego-aspect would need to feel secure (chasing security – enough to satisfy your ego-aspect, that is - is akin to chasing perfection rather than excellence).

The not-so-funny thing about these words being used “out there” is that you’d get a nod of approval or agreement from mainstream, if you say you want security, and probably more than a few raised eyebrows if you tell mainstream that you’re into choosing serenity these days, despite what’s going on, because you know that what’s going on will eventually align with the vibration of serenity you maintain. Because that IS how this works, whether you choose to focus on security or serenity.

Choosing serenity puts you in a better “place”: A better feeling, a better mindset, a better response mode. It opens you to possibilities and experiences that seem magical or miraculous. Focus on wanting to feel secure is an opposing thought to being it because it’s about the “lack” of it, and this causes you to chase it (or feel stuck in place); whereas, choosing serenity means you open to and receive lovely “gifts” and surprises from the infinite resources of Source. Life feels easier when “amble and appreciate” is your chosen pace and mindset rather than “chase in haste.” What words do you currently use that seem to support you but actually create opposing feelings and energy, and keep you stuck? Choosing serenity at all times can help you deal with the opposing motion of the “buts.”

One way “buts” intrude on our serenity and experiences is that every story we tell ourselves, especially ones we repeat over and over, to ourselves or others, create actual neural pathways in our brains. These thoughts bio-chemically become our “paths of least resistance” in/on our brain, meaning they are either the first response when we are triggered or the foundation of our mindset. Happily, this can be adjusted by telling ourselves better stories with the same energy level and repetition we use to tell ourselves unhelpful ones. We all use the word “but” on occasion; it does have its purposes as a word. However, when it lingers in the mind or is uttered often, or even thought, as the start of a “reason” something will never happen or why we can’t do something, we benefit by calling it out as a story. It is just that, one of many possible stories we can tell ourselves. “But,” you ask, “what if my reason is factual?” Keep reading.

“Buts” ask us to revisit our intention and commitment. If we say we want something “but…,” do we really want it, or want it enough? Why do we want it? Who do we want it for? If it’s not for us, if it’s not our sincere personal want, we’ll feel stuck at some point, because we’re thinking and feeling and attempting to plan in opposing directions. We can’t walk forward and back at the same time. Our “buts” keep us out of alignment with Source and out of head-and-heart alignment. Recall my earlier mention of feeling urgency. Whether urgency is present or not, if you find, choose, and tell yourself a story that will align your head and heart, and you with Source, your experiences and results, and you, will be the better for it.

When a “but” shows up, you might say something like this: “Okay, maybe that’s true; but what CAN I do that I WILL do to get a desirable result, one appropriate for me?” As the saying goes, if there’s no wind – row. Also, when appropriate, a good replacement for “but” is “and”: I appreciate what I have, and I appreciate the “even more” on its way to me now. This is far better than “I appreciate what I have, but I want/must have more.” The wording may seem a small technicality, but so it may seem with “security” vs. “serenity”; yet, the difference becomes obvious in how your body-mind feels when you say each.

“Wanting” gets a bad rap a lot of the time. What helps is to identify the energy under your use of the word “want”. Is it the energy of lack, like “security,” or the energy like “serenity” – something you’d appreciate having even more of? Your wants, especially if unencumbered by frustration about not having whatever right this moment, can fuel your motivation. Wants can drive your focus, your intention, your commitment. Wants can provide the opportunity to align your energy with Source. Alignment provides what? Serenity. Enthusiasm. Excitement. Results! As Abraham-Hicks said, use your leverage of alignment.

So go ahead and kick some of those buts impacting you and your life. At least do what you can to dilute them. Use your but-light mindset to put you in alignment with Source and your good. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.      

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

After You Ask Source for What You Want, Then What?

You’re supposed to ask for what you want, right? What are your thoughts about how, when, and what to ask for? And what about after you ask; is what you do then really that important?

If you’re familiar with the teachings of Abraham through Esther and Jerry Hicks, or any ancient teachings readily available to you today, you know you are always “asking” and you are always “receiving.” The glitch or hitch is that we forget, ignore, or don’t realize that every thought, but especially each emotionally-charged thought (positive or negative) is received by the quantum field as a “request” to be matched up with an experience. Fortunately for us, not every “request” gets fulfilled, for a variety of reasons: slow energy, we change our minds often, or it doesn’t fit into the bigger picture at that time or ever. For the more scientifically-inclined readers, quantum physics confirmed this thought-to-manifestation process; though, the scientists didn’t focus on the emotional aspect.

The duration of a thought or an emotionally-charged thought doesn’t matter as much as the “pure” quality of the thought vibration transmitted, meaning the thought is a clear, concise one not jumbled with other “stuff,” and it produces a distinct feeling in you. This is why you can have a passing thought that has a pure “charge” and feeling to it that produces results the same as a thought you pondered on for quite a while, and perhaps gets fulfilled even sooner than one you dwelled on.

What about how you ask? A funny thing happened as I began my notes for this writing: I realized I practice two forms of asking, deliberately, that is. Before having this realization, I’d made a note that rather than ask for anything tangible in the form of a stated or written request, what I do is briefly think about what is needed or wanted – practically skim over the thought of it - then connect with a deep feeling of appreciation for all I have and have ever received, especially those times when Source supplied what was needed in pleasantly surprising ways and at just the right moment. This is followed with a silent, and sometimes aloud, heart- and spirit-felt “Thank you,” which I feel through every cell of my body. According to the Law of Matching Vibration (Attraction), the more you appreciate what you have and have received, the more you receive and have to appreciate. But, you can negate this, which I explain in a bit.

This note about feeling appreciation mentioned above was made before my prior week’s article was published. As I turned my attention to that other article, I heard myself silently say, as I do each week, or before each engagement with a coaching client, “I ask for assistance with this.” Huh?! Why did I use feeling appreciation for one and a direct request for another? Both led me to conscious receptive alignment, so what was the difference, as far as my consciousness was concerned?

Then it came to me: When I wish to be of beneficial service, I ask for specific assistance. When I’m ready to receive more of my “good” or just want to feel better or really good, I appreciate. I’d never noticed this distinction in my asking practice before. Kind of illuminating, actually. But, that’s me. It’s possible that how you ask is or will be different. Evidence of the effectiveness of your way is in your results and How You Feel.

Okay, so we’ve looked at asking. What comes after that? The bridge does. The bridge between request and result is to practice trust. I could say “practice patience,” but the word “patience” tends to annoy the ego-aspect of many, which is understandable. So, practice trust imbued with appreciation, including about right timing. This is helpful and beneficial because how you behave while you wait matters, which I’ll explain.

One thing it’s best or wise not to practice after you ask is doubt. “To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.” (Life of Pi) The waiting time between request and result opens you to doubt. Resistance, struggle, and doubt can result in a longer wait than originally intended. We are meant to trust; and, perhaps, this is one of the primary things we are meant to learn while here. Yes, we are meant to take action once we have a clear next step, but we are above all meant to trust in the overall bigger picture unfolding and evolving simultaneous to our individual experience. This not only leads to trust and appreciation of Source, but also builds self-trust and personal and spiritual power.

By all means, do some productive venting with an appropriate person, coach, or therapist, if you need to, but then use the power of your words in your favor, whether spoken or thought. This means letting go of complaining, criticism, judgment, self-pity, seeking pity from others, and so on. Sounds simple, yes? Not! But, it is doable. And it’s important you do it because what you give, or give out, you get back: If you doubt or worry or complain, you get more experiences than what you might have in the “normal” course of your life, that cause you to doubt or worry or complain. Okay, let’s face it: There’s a certain amount of doubt, worry, or complaining you might feel justified doing while you try to figure your way through some of the mazes you find you and your life in. But we all pretty much know that it’s one thing to “ride a ride” a few times, and quite another to never get off.

When you practice doubt, worry, and complaining, you negate your asking, because “have” and “have not” cannot occupy the same mental, emotional, or physical space at the same time; and the one you feel more strongly is the one usually matched, e.g., “I ask for (or appreciate) my abundance” is negated by “I never have enough, and I never will,” or “Why does everything have to be a struggle?” You can negate in the other direction as well, e.g., “Nothing good is happening or ever happens for me” can become “Something wonderful happens for me every day.” It also helps to know that whatever you want more of, give more of. Need encouragement? Give it. Need to be understood? Give understanding. Need generosity? Be generous in some way. Need peace? Be peaceful.

I’m reminded of the movie, “50 First Dates,” which is about a young woman with a head injury that caused her to relive the same day over and over, in almost exactly the same way. Fortunately, her family and those she interacted with the day of the injury are aware of this and go to extreme lengths to repeat that day as close to exact as possible so she isn’t traumatized. Also fortunate is that the young man who meets and falls in love with her comes up with an inspired idea that helps her move forward in life; in fact, it helps everyone in her life move forward. My point in using this movie as an example is that our thoughts, words, and behaviors cause us, and those we share our life with, to experience something similar to her experience each time we practice repeating the same or pretty much the same non-supportive, non-forward-moving, non-trusting thoughts, words, and behaviors.

Imagine that each time you ask for what you want then follow that action with focus on or statements about what you don’t want or don’t like, it’s like the movie: You basically return to where you started from or experience a one-step-forward, two-steps-back “progression.” If we knew this was what happened, we’d be more diligent about this, wouldn’t we? But isn’t this exactly what the Law of Matching Vibration (Attraction) reveals does happen when this is our practice? And if we pause to consider this, if we haven’t before, we’re all too familiar with these types of experiences, aren’t we?

Yes, life continues along the time-stream it’s on; and we add years and different experiences to our lives, but some of the same experiences repeat. They repeat because, as Abraham-Hicks conveyed, “So if you are predominantly thinking about the things that you desire, your life experience reflects those things. And, in the same way, if you are predominantly thinking about what you do not want, your life experience reflects those things.” Joyce Meyer says it this way: Praise and raise; complain and remain.

There’s also another aspect to all of this, one not everyone may be pleased about, but it’s present all the same and ties everything together. It’s something of a “Thy will be done” aspect, whether you mean to convey this to God, Source, the Universe, or your Higher Self. This doesn’t mean you do nothing; it’s more like “You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em” kind of conscious awareness, because, as I stated earlier, there is always a bigger picture unfolding and evolving. Butting your head against this fact never helps, only hurts. What you resist persists. Action sets you free, whether that’s inner or outer action; but even outer action is birthed at the inner level, so start there with one other good thing you can ask for.

The one other good thing you can ask for is insight - or call it awareness or higher consciousness. But just like anything you ask for, there is some level of action required on your part such as paying attention differently; asking right questions, which can include asking for the right question or questions; and being receptive to shifting at the inner and outer levels, which may involve no longer practicing some long-held beliefs and behaviors that really haven’t served you and your life the way you’d hoped, but that may feel “comfortable” or that you may be addicted to.

Ask for what you need or want, as you are meant to do. Use your emotions and words to soothe or keep doubt out of the picture. Know and allow that there is a bigger picture happening that you are a part of. Allow trust and appreciation to be your purest emotional charges and feelings. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.    

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Impermanence Is Here to Stay

There are times we wish for change and times we dread it. To paraphrase the truth-filled saying, the only constant in life is change.

Our ego-aspect fools itself by believing what we have will always be there, will never change. It’s like a form of temporary amnesia or a dream-state we walk around in, whether this is about a change we would welcome or one we wouldn’t. The ego-aspect wants to believe the dream-state, more often than not, so it can feel secure and comfortable. But everything changes, doesn’t it, either by improving or by diminishing, until it’s a memory only. So, we can say there are two types of impermanence, as far as our ego-aspect is concerned: what is not our choice and what is.

We don’t like to feel uncomfortable or unsure. In fact, we often take it as a personal affront when something happens that causes us to have changes in our life that we (our ego-aspect that is) don’t desire.

But, family and friends move away or pass on; jobs change by our design or someone else’s; children are born and the family expands, as does its needs; the weather and even the planet bring about gradual or immediate changes: the list is endless because everything changes. Everything changes because we (and our planet) mature and age, and our needs and wants change through the years.

We are meant to be of service, in ways appropriate for us; meant to learn, evolve, and create betterment for ourselves and others. Some of the most significant innovations, inventions, and services might not be around today, were it not for necessity brought on by change being the “mother of invention.”

We are also meant to enjoy and appreciate what we have, while we have it. And when we see the signs of impending change, either from within or outside of us or both, we are meant to prepare ourselves for it. The first preparations should take place at the inner level. The next preparations should address anything at the outer level that we know we must do, are inspired to do, or that we intuit should be done, including right timing about these.

Sometimes change happens suddenly, and we feel shaken somewhat or to our core by it, even if we mentally, emotionally, or physically prepared a bit or a lot. But this is when the strength of our spiritual foundation and our relationship with Source can assist us, and is why we are meant to develop and strengthen these at all times. A true feeling of security comes from trust in Source, and self-trust; and the former supplies and nurtures the latter.

Awareness of impermanence – gentle awareness, not dwelling on it – can assist the quality of our experiences. When we’re in the dream-state, where everything we are happy about or comfortable with or at the very least feel “sure” of “stays the same,” we tend to miss or ignore how precious and special people and moments and experiences are. This kind of awareness or consciousness happens in the Now, and can only happen in the Now. The dream-state of “permanence” has us volleying back and forth between past and future; two moments we are never actually in. We are always in the Now. We are always in a state of impermanence. If you’re really brave – or have expanded or embraced conscious awareness at a certain level, you could say we’re always in a state of Divine Impermanence.

The dream-state can and does keep us out of appreciation. There’s a wonderful quote by Meister Eckhart that says, “If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” When ANY change happens, we could use this quote as a power statement to help us navigate our feelings, our fears, our strength, and our trust in Source.

Appreciation is best expressed as often as possible and as soon as we can enter that state of mind and being, rather than just when the ego-aspect believes a moment is worthy of it. To the ego-aspect, this differentiation of worthy or unworthy makes sense or seems logical and appropriate. Our spirit-aspect knows every moment is worthy of appreciation. Albert Einstein understood this when he said, “You either live as if everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle.” Nicely said. Not always so easy to live up to; but we can aim ourselves in this direction and benefit by it.

Einstein’s statement reminds me of a powerful question you’ve possibly seen or heard before: Do you believe the Universe is friendly or unfriendly? Your response has ALL to do with your experience while here. And if your response is a result of what you learned in your formative years, you can either change your beliefs or enhance them, and do so in your favor. You are not locked into negative or non-beneficial beliefs. Remember, nothing but Source is permanent. Beliefs always change; real Truths never do. One of the most profound journeys you can ever make is the one that leads you to Truths that are permanent.

Begin to pay attention to what and who you appreciate (and what and who you don’t apply this practice to). Ask if your appreciation is as present and deep as you’d like as a means to enhance your experience of joy, love, fulfillment, curiosity, illumination, and becoming the person you intend to be. Or as Patti Davis wrote, “I’m learning how, at age 60, to become the person I want to leave behind on this earth.” It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.     

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The Art and Challenge of Practice Makes Progress

Knowing a better way isn’t enough to improve your life. How easy is it for you to put a new way of being into practice?

Even though I’m spiritual rather than religious, I’d like to start with Matthew 7:24-27, a segment Matthew writes as being spoken by Jesus about practice: Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain cam down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

First, I certainly don’t mean my words; I mean the words you hear and feel in your own heart, the words that speak to you and your spirit, the words spoken directly from Source to you. Second, I’m not calling anyone foolish; though, each one of us has our turn at practicing foolishness at one time or another. That’s just part of the learning and growing experience, whether we like it or not. Third, as I opened with, knowing something is not the same as practicing it, ever; and practice really does make progress. It forms the solid rock foundation of self-trust and trust in Source, even or particularly when we feel ourselves temporarily in the valley rather than on the mountaintop.

How do you learn or train yourself to practice what will improve you or your daily experience of life? You start by deciding what it is you wish to practice, say, “Choose inner peace.” You likely don’t have to wait long to have an experience where this choice would be a good practice, and you forget, maybe for a day, week, month or longer, because emotions run strong. Once you’re calmer, you remember you did make that choice. You think on this, perhaps admonish yourself for forgetting, which I don’t recommend. I prefer a gentle reminder like, “Okay, I forgot to remember this time; but eventually I will remember my choice.” Maybe you forget a few more times until one day, when triggered, you do remember and say to yourself, “New program: Choose inner peace.” You figure out how to do that and put it into practice. Please keep in mind that practice does not mean “perfect.” It means practice.

Each time, it becomes easier to choose it, that is, to practice your choice, to engage your new program, even if following through presents challenges that ask for more or different inner work, insight, and creativity on your part. As you practice, you feel your evolution and personal power, as well as your relationship with yourself and Source move up a notch. And it feels good. It feels right. You find you pay attention for other opportunities to practice your choice, or other opportunities to make similar beneficial choices. The new practice, and the evolution it causes in you, starts to feel more natural, more comfortable than not practicing or evolving, despite challenges.

We tend to make an external change first, when we desire improvement, which may work for a while. Then we revert back to the original behavior, because Change Happens from the Inside Out, never the other way around. We may even talk to others about how we’re going to change. There is a school of thought that says if you tell others your goal or intention, you stick to it. But that isn’t always the case, is it? And if you don’t stick to it, you feel not-so-good about yourself; and you may waste energy fretting about what others may think of you.

I recommend you get to know yourself. Maybe it works best for you to tell others what you intend. Maybe it works best for you to keep silent and do what’s required then speak about it only when people comment on what’s different, improved, and ask what you’re doing. Maybe it works best for you to share the inner-work process you’re experiencing as you continue to where or how you intend to be.

Example: You want to lose weight, so you diet. Diets work only so long, because of our tendency to revert back to familiar behaviors, and because we tend to not like to feel uncomfortable and limited. But once you have a different mindset about wellbeing, you’ll make lifestyle choices that have greater and lasting effects no diet alone ever promotes or provides, especially if you feel you suffer in some manner from a diet. It’s the same for any change in yourself or your life you desire, intend, and commit to. Right practice leads to improvements, not suffering.

Here’s something most of us don’t want to hear: Practice requires experiences, and not all of them are ones the ego-aspect would prefer. But, you don’t learn math if you never experience it and put it into practice. You don’t learn how to forgive or be forgiven without one or more experiences that open this opportunity to you. It’s the same for inner peace, joy, love, wellbeing, fulfillment, having quality relationships, a relationship with Source, and so on.

It is never about knowing (mind) what to do only; it’s about putting what you know into practice (heart). It’s about head-and-heart alignment about the practice, which can lead you toward the improvement you desire. Here’s a question: Are you improved in some measure at the inner level (mindset, perspective, self-trust, inner peace) from what you were a year ago? Even some improvement counts. No perfectionism, please.

When it comes to Practice Makes Progress, I’m reminded of a line in the movie, “Eat Pray Love,” where Julia Roberts’ character comments about a man whose continual prayer-plea to a saint was, “Please, please, please - let me win the lottery.” After years and years of this, the saint, exasperated, finally said to the man, “My son, please, please, please - buy a ticket!” Roberts’ character says she finally got it. We are often like the man, imploring if not pleading with Source for what we want, but not doing what WE need to as our end of it. Practice, especially the spiritual-in-nature inner work, is very often if not always, our ticket we need to “buy,” or rather, buy into.

Remember to ask Source to assist you. Source always assists you, but it makes a difference to and in you if you become comfortable with asking; and, Source wants to be asked. Your asking is like an expression of appreciation born of trust in Source. Your practice can help you stay in or return more easily to a state of appreciation. Commit to the practices that lead to progress, with Source’s assistance, and you and your life will improve, perhaps gradually; but that’s always better than the opposite. Buy your “ticket.” It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.   

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The 3-in-1 Path to Any Desired Outcome

One simple question that includes the 3-in-1 path, asked consistently, can lead to your desired outcomes. Do you know what it is?

I won’t make you wait. Here it is: “Do my thoughts, words, and actions lead me toward or away from my desired outcome?” Pretty straight-forward, don’t you think? I do want to say something about desired outcomes: it’s best if they’re aligned with and for your highest good or the highest good of all involved. Negative or out-of-harmony intentions always find a way to bite you on the bum!

Let’s look at the 3-in-1: Thoughts, words, and actions. Each are important, but one always affects the other two, and all three always work together as one energy transmission to yourself, others, and the Universe. You won’t speak or act in anger if your thoughts are peaceful or appreciative. And your thoughts won’t be peaceful or appreciative if you speak and/or act from anger. This is, of course, true for any emotion or feeling.

Just so you’re clear, I’m not saying anger (or any emotion you don’t desire to feel) is a bad thing and that you shouldn’t engage it; after all, it’s there to get your attention on what’s not working for you. I am saying you can feel anger (or any emotion you don’t desire to feel) and still communicate what you need to from a place of inner peace, or at least a calmer demeanor, even or especially if you need a bit of time to get into this “space”. Thoughts, words, and actions can be and are choices, and choices always create results or consequences. This is one reason the question works in and on your behalf at all times. So, let’s look at the three aspects.

Thoughts are about more than just having them; about more than just thinking positive. They are also about deeper contemplations that lead you to make significant connections, like connect-the-dots drawings, to reveal and see the bigger, holistic picture you, others, and Source are a part of. They’re like one of those starter fire logs: potential is within them once lit (with enough energy provided, that is), for desired or undesired outcomes, depending on what you do with them. We usually turn thoughts into words.

Words have power. They can heal, they can harm, they can create. They can uplift and support or they can suppress or crush. The moment you speak, you’ve added fuel to the fire, whether that’s kindling to build a cozy fire that provides warmth and comfort, and even to cook, or gasoline that causes an explosion or a fire that burns out of control until time runs it out or something is done to put it out. Thoughts have power. Put them into words and you’ve enhanced or amplified their influence on your cause-and-effect outcome. Speaking words is also an action, as much as any physical action is.

Actions are like pushing down on the accelerator of a car. You’re in motion until you put your foot on the brake to deliberately stop or pause (or you run out of fuel). If you’re on a “good road,” you more than likely have a good travel experience. If you’re on a road under bad, unpleasant, or unfavorable conditions, like ice, you go into a skid or flip, and don’t know the outcome, good or not-good, until you do.

Desired and undesired outcomes don’t come about only as a result of what we think, say, or do deliberately. They also come to us as a result of how we respond or react when under pressure, which shows us what we’ve worked on about ourselves, as well as what still needs work. Both of these paths show us a great deal about what our relationship with ourselves, others, and Source is. Note: every relationship with others and with Source is ultimately a reflection of the one we have with our self. This fact may not be comfortable, and may even be scary, but it is accurate.

Observing ourselves in these ways is a handy assessment tool or method. This isn’t meant to be used for self-judgment, just self-assessment and conscious, deliberate inner work. It’s like an eye exam. You take an eye test, not to pass or fail it, but to take measurements. The results of the measurements show you where you are and what you need, to help you maintain or adjust your vision. It’s the same for your vision of you and your life, others, and Source.

Too often it’s too easy, and even endorsed by society to be “clever” with our comments or opinions, to say or spew whatever we think without thinking about it first. I recently shared a quote on social sites (attribution unknown) that expresses a misunderstanding some people or society in general often have: “Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.” People who practice silence, calmness, and kindness are sometimes viewed in a negative manner, as though personal power can be expressed only through aggression, when the opposite is true and aligned with Truth. Sometimes we focus more on what our ego-aspect thinks it can gain through being “clever” or hurtful or the “winner”, than what we might lose.

In an article for “O” (Oprah’s magazine), Catherine Newman wrote: “…life isn’t about avoiding trouble; it’s about being present, even through the hard stuff, so you don’t miss the very thing you’re trying not to lose.” When we don’t use the 3-in-1 question, we tend to lose something, whether that’s the desired outcome; traction; any advance we’ve made; or confidence or faith in ourselves and/or the process; trust in Source; or even something remarkable within us waiting to be discovered, revealed, and expressed.

You could say the desired outcome to be in harmony and productive collaboration with ourselves, others, and Source is a good and even ultimate one to have. It covers a lot of ground, an expansive territory we call life and our experience of it. The way to attain or accomplish this is to consistently ask: Do my thoughts, words, and actions lead me toward or away from my desired outcome? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

When Asking WHY Is and Is Not a Good Idea

Something happens, and we want to know Why me? Why this? Why now? But those are not the best questions to ask. When is asking Why the right question?

When something unpleasant happens, we tend to ask why; and often, negative stories quickly get attached as our ego-aspect starts rifling through old emotional files or starts imagining new, equally unpleasant (or worse) scenarios. The ego-aspect tends to embellish what-is, makes it even more dramatic, as though what-is isn’t already enough. If we have difficulty dealing with what-is, we won’t or don’t do better if we make our feelings about what happened even more intense in our mind.

What happens the first time we ask WHY and attach negative stories (or any time we practice negativity) is akin to the earth shifting a bit underfoot. We look down and see we’re standing in a shallow indent. Each subsequent time we follow this mental path, the hole gets a bit deeper. Do this enough times, and with enough emotion, and you eventually find yourself in the hole up to your neck, if not deeper. You may perceive or feel that you’re in so deep that you believe you can’t get out. That isn’t true, though; you can get out. If you’re in really deep, you may have to ask for assistance; but as long as you’re alive and conscious, you can get out.

One way to get out, perhaps the best way, is to change your why question to a how question: How can I heal from here or How can I move forward from here? Just keep in mind that “here” means you start from where you are, not from where your ego-aspect thinks you should be. You don’t have to wait for conditions to be a certain way or for someone to say or do a certain thing: you can start where you are, because it’s an inner journey first and foremost, no matter what.

Another helpful thing to do is to choose peace. This doesn’t mean an outward demonstration of it when you don’t feel it. No “Fake it till you make it”, please. You want genuine inner peace, which opens you in more ways than you might imagine, and leads you into natural, effortless outward demonstrations of the inner peace you feel. Responses you get from others and life when you are peaceful, as opposed to when your emotions are or stay roiled, are as different as night and day. If you want peace, be peace. Easier said than done? Sometimes; but it’s an excellent touchstone or guiding star.

How you attain inner peace is as much a part of the process as having it: it’s something you have to determine for yourself. “Why aren’t I peaceful?” is an unhelpful question that causes the mind to search for and find many things that upset you, in order to respond to your question, but not provide any solution or resolution. “How can I be peaceful?” or “How can I be peace” are effective questions that open your mind to find a better path to follow. A quick answer to this latter question: choose it.

There is a time, however, when WHY is a good question to ask; and it comes from an interview I watched of Evanna Lynch, the young woman who played Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter films. She’d read the books in print at the time, and was familiar with the character. When she saw the casting call, she thought, “Someone has to be Luna. Why not me?”

Someone has to be happy, serene, kind, peaceful, peace-promoting, forgiving, generous, spiritually aware, content, loving, fulfilled, in a right relationship, successful, creative, inspired, fun, having fun, employed or employed well, spiritually and emotionally strong, and so forth. Why not you? Think of your own words and follow them with, “Why not me?” The first thing you have to do to receive your good is be open to allowing it in. This “why not me” question unlocks the door.

It’s a question you can apply to anything you imagine or dream about, but perhaps feel some doubt about attaining, achieving, or accomplishing. If you think about it, why not you; especially, if someone has to fill that role, whatever that role may be.

Our inner work is as much about equipping ourselves to move through and beyond challenges with as much grace as we can muster, as it is to smooth some of the rough spots ahead of us on the path before we reach them. Change your questions and you can change your experience of life. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.

Do You Count?

How many ways do you count in life? Sometimes you need to count; other times, you could let go of that need, in order to feel peaceful and on purpose.

We live in a global society that counts darn near, if not, everything. We count the odds, percentages, money, calories, wins, grievances, friends on social sites, who has what and if it’s more or less than we have, our “chickens before they hatch,” and so on. What are your reasons for counting what you count? What does some of your counting really mean to you: a way to keep track of what needs to be managed, or a way to establish self-worth in the eyes of others?

Minister Joyce Meyer spoke about a bible reading class she took in the early days, where participants were to read so many chapters a day in order to read the entire book in a year. She was quite self-pleased at all the checkmarks filling the days on her calendar positioned on the fridge so everyone could see it. She was reading but not learning, reading but not receiving and absorbing the messages in the texts. But the checkmarks were adding up, that is, until life got in the way. Then there were so many days without checkmarks, and those blank spaces kept adding up, until she was so far behind there was no way to catch up. Soon, she felt quite the opposite of self-pleased, which is a common result of counting the wrong things or counting for the wrong reason.

How often it is that we count things in life in order to prove to others that we count so that we can, we hope, feel that we do. Or, we do this so that our ego gets stroked, rather than so that we can share, or grow, or be of true service through significance. We do this because we believe the opinions of others before we believe in ourselves or the Truth about Source and from Source about how significant a contributor to the overall scheme of life each of us is.

Too often, we count in reverse; that is, we count what we perceive we lack. So much focus on lack causes us to ignore or forget what we could appreciate. As I thought about this writing, I kept hearing in my mind, Bing Crosby singing a lyric line from a song: “I go to sleep counting my blessings.” How often do you count your blessings? How often do you count the ways Source assists and supports you, not only at certain times, but every day?

One school of thought is that we should express gratitude for the thing we ask for, before we receive what we ask for. It’s a good practice. However, because of the way our ego-aspect sometimes thinks, this method trips us up because there’s more to this than just the words: there’s the FEELING we have, which is where the energy is that gets matched or fulfilled in ways appropriate for us, or holds our good at arm’s reach from us.

When we keenly feel the lack of something AND our foundation of trust in the Universe (Source) to support us in ways for our highest good is faulty, such a statement of gratitude-before-arrival feels false, unbelievable. The Law of Attraction is clear: we receive what we believe. Yes, you can state thanks before you receive what you ask for; but the most effective, authentic, and genuine expression of this is when true appreciation is attached, for what you already have and for how the Universe provides, especially once you get limiting beliefs out of the way and allow it to assist you.

Instead of saying, “Thank you for (whatever you’re asking for)” ahead of receiving it, it may work better to say, “Thank you for everything. Thank you for always knowing what I really need and providing it in right timing.” In fact, this is my preferred way of expressing appreciation to the Universe because inherent in it is absolute trust that the Universe has more information and resources than I do, and will connect me with them as and when it’s right.

I find it effective to pause and appreciate what I have, to recall and re-appreciate the numerous ways the Universe demonstrates its resourcefulness and creative ways of supporting me, despite how others apply their counting system to my experiences and life, which often has nothing to do with how the Universe views me or my experiences. I’m thankful for the ability to choose my thoughts, and for ALL the experiences that have helped me to learn how to do this better, which is all of them.

Recently, a new method to respond to internal complaining, counting, or negative thoughts has emerged in me. When any of these types of thoughts surface, I find myself switching into appreciation mode. I know a choice is made to do this, but the shift happens so quickly, I’m not aware of having made the choice, at least, this is the case a good deal of the time. I can only imagine this is a result of LOTS of practice about this.

These days I’m feeling the power of appreciation more and more, something we’ve been told (and told, and told) to do deliberately. And it isn’t a power used to get stuff (though, that’s an outcome in ways appropriate for me), but a power that creates serenity and joy in me. And to me, this is priceless. It’s a more in-flow way to be. It’s become a way to count my blessings, to bless my life, to bless others. It’s soothing, joyful, and has and serves purpose.

This week, pay attention to what you count and why, as well as how many times and ways you count in or contribute to the lives of others. Ask yourself, or feel in your heart, whether what you count assists you and your purpose, maybe even lifts you up, or whether it pulls you down. Any counting that leads you into deeper appreciation, and into it more often, is worth keeping count of. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.  

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

You are welcome to use this article in your newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.