Go With vs. Get into the Flow

“Go with the flow” was and still is a popular thing to say and attitude to have. But what about “Get into the flow”? Is there really a difference? I say yes.

I think there is a difference, or at least, I feel one at an inner level, so trust that feeling in how I relate to my experiences. For me, going with the flow represents a couple of attitudes. One attitude is when things are going a certain way and you flow with it, say, like instead of trying to control what happens at a dinner party or picnic, you just allow the experience to unfold and are in the now with whatever happens. Another go-with-the-flow attitude is when something happens that your ego-aspect wants to resist but you release the resistance. This doesn’t mean you don’t take action, if action is needed, but you quiet your resistant ego-aspect and engage your mind and spirit instead so that you have presence of mind as needed.

What prompted me to perceive a difference between go with the flow and get into the flow was when I heard or read (I don’t recall how or who) “It’s not about what you can get from the flow, but that you get into the flow.” Often, we think of go with the flow as a way to get what we need or desire from the flow—the Universal Energy-Matching Marketplace—whether that’s a feeling or something tangible. But that has a certain passive energy to it. Get into the flow, for me, has a feeling of serene inner action that’s highly attractive to the Good that Source wants me to enjoy and benefit from. It says to me that I’m not just going along, but am engaged with aligning my energy with the flow, order, and creative consciousness of Source. It says I’m in partnership with Source. Maybe that’s just me, but I feel a true difference between the two statements. It’s the difference between having access to one or a few items you need or desire and having unlimited access to what you need or desire.

Ever have one of those moments, events, or days when it appears that if something can go wrong, it seems to? That’s a time when both go with the flow and get into the flow can make a difference, and for me, they happen in that order, if I wasn’t in the flow to start with—which happens. While living in New York City, I was to set up a booth at an event. The event was one I not only looked forward to but carefully planned for. My handouts, business cards, and artificial bonsai tree were packed and ready to go in my wheeled suitcase the day before the event. It was scheduled to start at noon and last until two o'clock; which meant I needed to be at the site for 11:30 so I could set up my table. I was ready!

The morning of the event, I went through my usual meditative routine, and included my mantra, used especially when I have to commute or travel: I'm always in the right place at the right time with the right action and the right people. Using the subway on a Saturday means you have to allow extra time for a slower commute; for me, about an 80-minute ride to my destination. If I left by 10 a.m., I'd have enough time for the ride and to walk to the site. I didn't leave my apartment until almost 10:15. Pulling my weighted suitcase on the bumpy sidewalk, I made it to the subway station, a 15-minute walk without a suitcase. The entrance was roped off because the interior was being painted. I'm always in the right place . . .

I repeated my mantra as I quickly pulled my suitcase the eight blocks north to the next subway stop, also roped off. My brain went into gear: There wasn't enough time for me to keep walking north until I found an open station. I didn't have enough cash on me to take car service as far as the site, nor did I want to pay around $70 for a ride that cost $2.50 on the subway. And, that was just one way.

A note on a post caught my attention: It advised subway riders to use one of the shuttle buses they provided because of this (I hadn’t seen that sign at my original subway entrance). I crossed the street to where others stood at a regular bus stop. A woman explained what I had to do. I checked my watch; it was 10:40. The bus pulled up, I got on, and asked the driver if he was taking us to the next transfer station where I could catch the train. "It's not running there,” he told me. “You have to go to the transfer station after that one." Only 18 blocks, but to my now-getting-a-little-concerned ego-aspect, it seemed like 18 miles. I'm always in the right place . . .

I hurried down the steps to the subway platform. An express train was there and I flew through its doors and got a seat. At the main transfer station, I changed to the express train that would take me to my stop on Manhattan's Upper West Side. It was 11:20 and I was at a station in Lower Manhattan when I realized there was no express service in the city on Saturday; we'd make every local stop.

Understand, I wasn't upset or losing it, though I was bemused; then I was amused as I realized this was an opportunity to really practice what I preach. There was no way I could arrive frazzled and tout coaching to get peaceful, poised, on purpose, and empowered. I laughed to myself and believed it would all be fine. I chose to have an inner and outer experience that I'm always in the right place . . . What was happening at the inner level up to this point was I was going with the flow—until I had this realization on the train. At that moment, I got into the flow.

Remarkably, I arrived at the site at 11:45, ready to get set up and meet and greet the people. The room wasn't ready, and everyone hosting a table stood around looking not too happy. We didn't get our room until 12:15. It took no time for me to set up, so I started helping everyone who said they needed extra hands. I was the only one there who seemed to be in a good mood; everyone else seemed or was stressed. I activated my clown chakra and got some of them to smile and several to laugh. I was not just going with the flow: I was in it, a part of it.

At first blush, it might have appeared that lots of things went wrong. However, every time something seemed to go awry, something terrific followed it, because of both going with and then being in the flow. I chose to be the experience I wished to have. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.          

         

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce L. Shafer

What Are the Differences Between Soul Needs and Ego Needs?

We are souls in physical form and we have an ego that is meant to serve us in specific ways. Frustration happens when we get their needs confused (or ignore them) rather than have them work together.

Let's look at some ways to differentiate between ego needs and soul needs.

Ego serves us in ways that move us to take actions in our daily lives, actions meant to keep us alive and, ego hopes, thriving. Ego seeks to feel a certain way, often motivated by material and external demands that originate outside of or aside from our soul desires, and this need leads to good choices and not so good ones. It follows logic, and more often than not its own brand of logic that desires to avoid pain or discomfort at all times and at all costs, rather than conferring with our emotional heart. Ego speaks to us in ways like, "This has got to change! Now!" From ego, we may sometimes be forceful in striving for and achieving our aims. Ego does not always act from conscience: it wants what it wants when it wants it.

Soul does not respond to force. It recognizes that painful or unpleasant emotions are facets of all we are capable of feeling, like needed colors in a rainbow or the largest box of crayons. Soul knows we are always in flow at that higher level, that our experiences have specific and significant purposes for us; and its aim is for us to thrive as whole beings (body, mind, and spirit) within the bigger picture of life. It asks us to pay attention to everything we think, feel, say, and do or don't do. It asks us to seek what fulfillment means for us in all things and to listen to what our emotional heart tells us. Soul speaks to us through our emotional heart using intuition and positive and negative feelings. Negative feelings are as much a part of our soul-self's communication system as positive feelings are. Soul always acts from conscience and conscious awareness, and nudges us to strive to do the same.

Mainstream dissuades us from remembering that our emotional heart is another form of intelligence we possess (in fact, our truest form), one that knows us intimately, because it is us; whereas logic focuses on what the (usually fearful) ego wants. Ego wants to fill any void with whatever it believes will make it feel good or better as quickly as possible. Soul wants us to empty out what no longer belongs inside us (to heal our wounded selves) and to feel our way to what it is that truly needs to occupy that space that will allow us to express and be our true selves. What fills our ego’s needs may not fill our soul’s needs. What fills our soul’s needs eventually and inevitably takes care of our ego’s needs, most especially by calming them.

Ego believes power comes from winning, from creating and having positive experiences. Soul knows the Truth of our personal power and its true Source, and seeks to integrate our inner and outer power through learned wisdom into a desired collaboration between soul and ego as a way of life. Soul knows nothing is truly ever lacking (only a belief in lack or believing we deserve it gives lack “life”), and it strives to remind us of this through sadness, frustration, depression, serenity, and joyful appreciation . . . so that we seek the Truth and live from it.

Ego says, "Get rid of any negative feeling immediately." Soul says, "Be with your feelings in a gentle way so you can get quiet and hear my message." Ego pushes us to look outside ourselves to define who we are. Soul asks us to know ourselves and to fearlessly reveal who we are to others through our words and actions, our talents and abilities, our visions and goals. Ego says, "I don't love who I am, so I have to pretend to be what I believe will be acceptable." Soul says, "No pretense ever lasts. Be who you are and who you came here to be. Love yourself just as you are now and are becoming." Ego says, "Fake it till you make it." Soul says, "Start where you are and evolve and expand deliberately with unafraid honesty and integrity."

Ego wants emptiness filled in a hurry because it cannot tolerate it; it is disquieted by the unknown. Soul is not concerned with the unknown; it trusts Source and has the spirit of adventure and discovery. Soul knows that the fastest way to fill perceived emptiness is to allow emptiness, to surrender the ego’s needs about this when emptiness shows up, and appreciate whatever value, guidance, and inspiration it presents. Perceived emptiness is like dark matter in space: we can’t see it but it has its function or purpose for being there. Your soul knows that appreciation of what-is is always responded to with more to appreciate. Balance of soul and ego happens when we align our inner perspective with ego's ability to take action that's in our best interest and for our highest evolution as we take next steps on our personal path.

Explore how you can create collaboration and alignment between your ego and soul, with thriving and flourishing on all levels as their common goal for you, and see what gets created in you and your life from this. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.      

           

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Do You Have A Right to Be Happy?

There are some who believe it is unrealistic to be happy these days, much less to even focus on being happy. Are they right, or are they missing a significant point?

An article I wrote asking if we’re too busy to be happy received this (unaltered) comment from a reader: “no, I am too realistic to be happy! can you be happy, when Russia invades Ukraine? can you be you be happy, when all the world is put by Russia on a brink of another war? can you be happy, when you are lied to? can you? then, you are a philosopher, a saint or an alien to this Earth.”

I felt it was important to give genuine consideration to the commenter’s ultimate concern and his obvious frustration or upset. I wanted my reply to honor his feelings, and perhaps even assist him, if he’s open to this. So rather than send him a direct reply, especially since I believe his feelings may be shared by a number of people, and certainly by all of us at certain times in our lives, especially these days, I decided to do it this way. Maybe he’ll see this and read it as well.

Dear Commenter: Thank you for reading my article and sharing your honest thoughts and feelings about it. You brought up some valid points, which I’d like to respond to. The first thing I’d like to comment on is that I am not a philosopher. I do make an effort to consider and evaluate everything by using my whole brain—when I remind myself to do this for my and for the benefit of everyone involved (more on this in a bit). I’m not a saint, but I am spiritual-metaphysical, which helps to keep me balanced as often as possible, and sane, especially during times that seem to lack sanity or rationality.

About being an alien to Earth, the scientists and researchers who don’t mind bucking mainstream (controlled) science are willing to say that the evidence clearly indicates that none of us originated here, and that there is evidence of our DNA having been altered; and in fact, I recently heard someone on TV say that our DNA has altered by 7% from even 5,000 years ago. I’m not being facetious with this comment. This is the science that’s not being promoted to the public. We, and our history, appear to be so much more than mainstream would like us to believe.

Significant as the events you mentioned are, there are even more events happening, which fit on the scale from minor to severe, than many of us know about, want to know about, or are fearful to believe or imagine really goes on, or can hold in our minds, much less our hearts. Taking all of this into account, it can seem unrealistic to focus on our own happiness at such a time as now. It’s more than tempting to become overwhelmed by all that’s happening, but that can lead us even farther away from where we are meant to go, which is into higher consciousness and awareness, so that we can be better humans than we sometimes or currently are, and be more effective about addressing what’s going on and do so in the right way.

Perhaps it’s the word “happy” that you disagree with, and that’s understandable. Perhaps if you consider exchanging “happy” with “possessed of and motivated through greater conscious awareness,” that might feel better to you or seem more realistic (more on this in a bit, as well). Happy, after all, is just a word with as many meanings as there are individuals to perceive and experience that feeling. And as odd as it can seem to some of us, there are those who only feel truly alive when they are upset about something or with someone.

About being lied to: It’s helpful to us to remember there’s a great deal of information, misinformation (poorly interpreted information), and disinformation (deliberate confusion of information by making just enough of what’s shared true to get people to believe it or making just enough of what’s shared false to convince people to disbelieve it) out there. It all seems like chaos. I recently heard someone say there is no chaos, only a pattern that is not understood, like an ant making its way across a colorful carpet. To the ant, the colors may seem to have no rhyme or reason; but if the ant could look at the carpet from far enough above, it would see the colors form a pattern.

The reason why much of what’s happening is happening is being addressed by a number of reputable people, people who pay attention to the patterns most of us ignore or are unaware of or simply choose not to believe could be possible, despite evidence. By reputable, I mean these people’s efforts, experiences, and proven results as researchers over many years or decades have demonstrated that their information is worth giving real thought to; although, mainstream wants us to believe them to be insubstantial or delusional, as though a good deal of what’s going on isn’t crazy in itself. I offer this disclaimer, though: Do properly vet whoever’s information you check into. And, there is inner knowing within you about anything; and there are evidences all around you.

There are a number of things we can do to become better humans and to be more effectively part of the solution. We can start with the natural laws of the universe, which are not manmade, but are of the God Mind or One Consciousness that created everything in existence, or more precisely, thought everything into existence. The natural laws are these. The Law of Mentalism: Thoughts are formed before any manifestation, therefore, thoughts create things and conditions; The Law of Correspondence: The above is like or similar to the below, and the below is like or similar to the above—they mirror each other; The Law of Vibration: There is no non-motion or complete rest, everything moves, everything vibrates; The Law of Polarity: Everything has a dual nature, that is, has its pair of opposites, however, the opposites are identical in nature (e.g., temperature), but different in degree; The Law of Rhythm: Everything has its tides, its ascents and descents; The Law of Cause and Effect: Every cause has its effect; every effect has its cause; The Law of Gender: Everything and everyone has masculine and feminine principles; and then there’s The Unifying Principle that encompasses and binds the 7 Natural Laws together: CARE. It’s up to each of us to consider what each of the laws mean and how they operate within our lives. It’s up to each of us to examine how often we use or practice the unifying principle.

It’s up to each of us to understand how our brain works and how it’s supposed to serve us. We need to understand that the left brain is logistical, is the center of the ego or personality, and is where all thoughts about physical reality are addressed—from a limited perspective. We need to understand that the right brain is where our creativity, intuition, emotions, esoteric understanding and experiences happen and reveal themselves to us, and where we process thoughts about the non-physical aspects of existence—from a more expansive perspective. We need to understand that our pineal gland is there to balance thoughts between the left and right brains so that we don’t get stuck in one side or the other. Why do we need to understand this?

We can easily get stuck in the left brain, where lack is perceived and is where most of the people causing the problems in the world operate out of (the absence of heart is obvious, or should be). It’s where we process thoughts about all that’s going on in our lives and in the world around us, from a limited perspective. When we do this, we forget about the Truth of our spiritual natures, which reminds us or demonstrates to us, or can, who we really are and what we are really capable of. But neither is it helpful to get stuck in the right brain and take no positive or right action.

I’m not saying we should not be concerned about what’s going on—I certainly am. But I am saying that existing in negative energy, in any of its forms, is contributing to the very circumstances and events going on in our lives and the world today (reread the natural laws). What are our thoughts mostly about? We are focused on the effects rather than the causes, and we seem to be stuck in this loop. Whether we believe it or not or wish it weren’t so, we are an integral part of what is going on all around us.

We go along with choices, rules, and actions that make no sense or that harm us or others in some way. We go along with fighting each other rather than telling those who decide on or choose wars (for profit or control or whatever their own purpose is), often decided on before any reason is created and is then presented to the public to garner support, to go find a remote field where they can’t harm the rest of us and fight among themselves, because the rest of us choose to experience as much peace and harmony and mutual support as we can create for us and our world.

Krishnamurti said: “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” You can’t get people to ignore natural laws and the unifying principle of care unless you convince them they have reason to do so. This means fear, divisiveness, and outright animosity or hatred has to be instigated and promoted. Unfortunately, there are a large number of us who don’t question this enough, who buy into such promotions, often under various labels, and then do what’s expected of us or behave as is anticipated, rather than examine what matches natural law and the unifying principle of care and what doesn’t.

Ultimately, it goes beyond the question: Do we have a right to be happy or to focus on being so, especially these days. It’s actually more about being in a positive vibration as often as possible—because we are far more than this physical experience, even though we don’t often act like it and sometimes don’t even believe it. We are not as powerless as we tend to believe we are or have been taught to believe we are. If we want to shift anything, we have an obligation to put ourselves into a positive vibration as often as we can so that we alter what we can. We have an obligation to change our visualizations, actions, emotions, words, and thoughts to ones that create harmony and well-being for us individually, as well as humanity as a collective of individuals. You cannot improve anything by energizing it with negative energy. You can improve anything by restoring true balance, and true balance starts and ends within each one of us. That’s not my opinion, that’s natural law.

For me, moments of happiness—and happiness can be quiet and calm just as it can be exuberant—are a form of appreciation: to and for the One Consciousness; for the gift life is; for free will, as challenging as it can sometimes be to exercise it wisely and compassionately; for the ability to choose love or kindness over any form of hate or mean tendencies; for moments when spirit is put before ego; and so much more. Such moments remind us all who we are and how we can be; and possibly, hopefully, deter us from living from our baser nature aspects and instead choose to live with higher conscious awareness.

So, yes, Commenter, I can choose to be happy or rather feel moments of happiness and inner peace, even with all that’s going on. I feel it’s not just my responsibility but my duty to help hold a more loving vibration on this planet—especially now. This doesn’t mean I ignore what’s going on, but does mean I can apply my energy about it differently, from a more spiritual perspective, while I make my own type of contribution, which is writing what I do, and anything else I receive inspiration to do, including being an example whenever I can, especially when I can move myself out of ego and into love, compassion, and collaboration. To be and do otherwise is to become part of the problem rather than part of the solution. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.    

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Are Your Thoughts About Others from the Ego or the Heart?

When we choose to remember past moments, sometimes it’s the ego and sometimes it’s the heart that speaks. Which one speaks most often for and through you?

I was thinking about someone who has a tendency, or I should say an addiction, to consistently repeat or tell about unpleasant moments as (usually) her only conversation topics: “I remember when (this awful thing happened to me/this person did this awful thing to me)” or “Let me tell you about the latest unpleasant thing that happened (or what this person did/said to me).” This person has a steamer trunk filled with such topics, and more keep getting added in. I’m sure there are good memories in that trunk, but they don’t seem to rise to the surface as easily. In fact, it stopped her in her tracks one time when she was going through her list of unpleasant memories and I asked, “What is one of your favorite memories?” Once she was able to blink again, she said, “Why did you ask me that?” I told her I was just curious and would like to hear about one. It was the briefest she ever spoke about an experience; she did it in one brief sentence rather than her usual short or long story. This is an example of what happens to people when the ego, rather than the heart, is allowed to dominate, because the ego feeds on drama.

As I thought about this person’s tendency, I did what a lot of us do, which is I had an imaginary conversation with her where I suggested that what could be focused on was, “I remember when (this good thing happened, this person did this wonderful thing for me),” and so on, instead of the usual. And then I realized I was practicing exactly what the person practices. What an eye-opening reminder for me—yet again (sigh). It’s so easy to see what others do and miss the fact that we might do or are doing the very same thing, even if our version or justification for doing so appears to be different, at least, to us.

Following “I remember when” with good, touching, or funny stories shouldn’t be reserved for funerals. Stories told at funerals often recall acts of kindness or generosity the person did for them and or for others, funny moments shared with the person, the person’s best traits. And this happens despite anything else that occurred while the person was alive. I’m not saying this is always the case, but it does happen more often than not, or has in my experience. And if prior disputes or conflicts are mentioned, the tone of voice is usually softer; it and the words chosen wear the hue of compassion rather than animosity, or at least are spoken with the awareness that speaking ill of the deceased is frowned upon at such a time. Perhaps certain moments that originally irritated or angered the teller with the departed are now told with a tinge of humor. It’s amazing how many negative feelings carried for years about a person can be released or are when the person passes on. Maybe this is because the heart finally tells the ego to be quiet for a change, and forgiveness is allowed to release both individuals at that time, too late in some ways, but allowed.

In Doreen Virtue’s book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels, she has an interesting chapter called “Toxic Relationships: How to Recognize and Handle Them.” The toxic relationship types include Interrupting, Correcting, One-upmanship, Clingy Neediness, Stalking, Guilt-Tripping, Angerholism, Unreliability, Nosiness, Grumpiness, Accusatory Tendencies, Victimhood/Martyrdom, Controlling Behavior, Perpetual Clowning, Loudness, Substance Abuse, Lack of Boundaries, Name-Calling, Rudeness, Betrayal, Gossiping, One-sidedness, Drama Queen or King, Taking Advantage, Barbed Tongue, and Nonstop Talking. Phew! Look at those listings! I’ll bet that you, just as I, could readily assign those types to people you engage in relationships with or did. Would we also be as quick to list our name beside one or more of them, as behaviors we practice ourselves at times or more often?

One thing I know, based on experience—and it is all too easy to forget when we’re frustrated—is that practicing negative or judgmental thoughts about others, including when you’re not in their company, creates more of the same and serves to aggravate you even more. It stagnates or depletes your inner and physical energy, as well. It may satisfy the ego (temporarily) to engage thoughts and words in this way, but deep down, it doesn’t make us feel good at all. Not really. It also means that while we point one finger at another, three fingers point back at us.

It points out the fact that we have not addressed whatever issue we have with the person in a constructive and productive and peaceful way, if that’s possible—sometimes, it flat-out isn’t. Sometimes, you have to end a relationship with a person who practices one or more of those behavior types Doreen listed. Sometimes, it isn’t possible or realistic to end the relationship and keep your spiritual integrity intact at the same time, which means there’s an opportunity to learn about yourself and your potential for personal and spiritual growth that’s trying to step out of the shadows into the light.

The thing is that we tend to put our focus on others. What others do is what they do; it may be how they are, until they decide to change, if that ever happens. And they, as we, are here to learn their own lessons in their own way and in their own timing. When we observe or experience another’s behavior, it’s also an opportunity to look at ourselves. How do we feel about their behaviors and why do we feel that way? How do we feel about ourselves, and why? How do we respond or react? Is it with aggression, passivity, passive-aggression, people-pleasing, or assertiveness?

Assertiveness means we speak our truth and do so without getting snarky or outright mean or demeaning (or people-pleasing). Just as you don’t fight fire with fire (so to speak, since wildfires are sometimes fought with fire to contain them), ideally, you don’t address unpleasant behavior with more unpleasant behavior, as tempting to the ego as that might be. And if your truth is met with hostility, you can walk away (not stomp away), whether that’s until a better time to talk once both sides have calmed down enough so you can attempt better communication, or forever.

The rest of the time, check your thoughts and see how they’re running in your mind. It’s understandable, being the humans with egos that we are, that we’ll have thoughts come up about others or matters that irk us (trying to eliminate such thoughts completely is nearly impossible and may lead to self-judgment; choosing to shift into better thoughts is doable and a worthy practice). Sometimes those negative or judgmental thoughts are needed as part of the process used to gain greater understanding of or clarity about the dynamics involved and to figure out what we need to do or say. And sometimes we do need to talk to another about this so we (perhaps, finally) feel heard.

But we will benefit if we also look at ourselves in this process. Are we taking care of ourselves, and doing so with integrity? Are we communicating with integrity? What do we demonstrate or teach others by our own examples? How can we re-program ourselves to be better and healthier at the inner level if we practice old programs of complaining and blaming, and any of the behaviors listed, other than assertiveness, which is the only way to be authentic?

Deborah Tannen said, "Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations." We can begin to pay attention when we speak, as to whether our words come from the ego or from the heart. We can choose which one of those two we wish to give the greater voice to in our inner and outer experiences. We can think and share better thoughts about others while they’re still alive, or at least send them a silent blessing to find peace and joy within themselves, rather than entertain and feed the ego with negative thoughts about them. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.    

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Are You Too Busy to Be Happy?

We tend to believe if we’re busy enough, feeling happy or significant will be the result; but this all depends on us, as individuals, doesn’t it? So, we need to figure this out for ourselves.

An image was posted on a social site that said: Stop the glorification of busy. This reminds me of how much emphasis we put on what people do versus who they are, and how happy they are. There’s a theme running through our psyches that says we have to be and or stay busy or we’re not living up to our full potential. Underneath that is the other theme: concern about what others will think and say about us. Society-at-large claims to admire people who are on the go all the time, who live in the fast lane, who “live large.” The implication is that if you don’t fit into that mold, you aren’t someone special; your value or worth is less, according to those parameters.

I saw someone I hadn’t seen in years, which meant we had catching-up to do, so I asked about her children. Her conversation went something like this (all identifying information has been changed): “Mark is working for Acme Insurance. He’s a department manager. His wife, Anna, works at Booker Bank. She’s the loan manager. Their older son, Steve, is the floor manager at Estates Antiques. Their younger son, George, is the top salesman at Luxury Cars. Their daughter, Angie—” well, you get the picture. As the time passed, I asked more specific questions, but one thing stuck in my mind: how happy someone is, is rarely the first thing someone says about another.

We put so much emphasis on what people do when we could put it on who they are and how happy they are. How much admiration do we have or value do we place on someone who is genuinely kind, caring, and happy, and has a job, say, as a personal assistant, a cook, or a housekeeper? Or, we might comment, when asked how a mutual friend is doing after a move to a new town, that the move was a bold one; that we believe in our friend’s abilities; that we know there will be adjustment time involved, but that our friend possesses what she or he needs at the inner and outer levels to make life a good experience in the new place, rather than what work our friend is doing. 

There’s a story you may be familiar with about a business executive who visited a coastal village. He had a conversation with a local man and learned the local man got up in the morning when he wanted to, took his small boat out for an hour or two and caught enough fish to sell for money his family used, then spent the rest of the day and evening with his family and friends, where they all enjoyed each other’s companionship. It was a simple, easy, joyful life the local man described.

The executive launched into a discussion about how the man could get more boats over time and create a huge, profitable business. The executive was in his element during this conversation: Building businesses from scratch and growing them was his expertise and passion. The local man listened carefully then asked why he should do that. The executive explained that with proper management, the man could sell the company and retire in twenty years with enough money that would allow him to get up in the morning when he wanted to, fish when he wanted to, and spend as much time with his family and friends as he wanted to. The local man replied, “I do that now.”

Someone posed an excellent question about this story: Which man was happy? What’s your answer to that question? The question-poser’s answer was an intriguing one: Both of them. What made each man happy was different. One man liked to stay busy in a particular way to feel fulfilled; the other liked to stay just busy enough to feel fulfilled. Each man had certain responsibilities they had to attend to, which they did, and you can bet that each man had challenges they had to meet in life, but they knew what made them happy and lived it.

We put so much emphasis on what we and others do and so little on what makes us genuinely happy. We keep ourselves busy, either with genuine responsibilities, some of which we probably could delegate, or with busywork, so we can appear productive to ourselves and others. Never confuse activity with productivity. We trap ourselves in that vortex far too often and too easily, either with physical activity or mental activity.

One friend of mine had the thought instilled in her that if she took the time to read a book for her own purpose or pleasure she was guilty of the sin of laziness (I just heard the collective gasp of avid readers). So she worked and worked and did and did, all the time. She and I had many conversations about this, until she was finally able to find the courage to read a book. She was in her 40s before this happened, and she did so under the disapproving gaze of the person most adamant about it being a lazy person’s thing to do, as she took her turn to sit with him in his hospital room.

My father was a workaholic. My mother was always doing something. Neither ever sat and watched TV without doing some other task at the same time. It’s no surprise I too became a workaholic, until a health matter put an end to that. It took me several years to move past denial of this, as well as continuing to push myself to the borderline critical stage, before I really got the message. Then it took another year or two to figure out how to live and function in a new way, and to see the gifts that came with this, such as a different level of creativity, because I could no longer afford to be active without being productive. It was especially challenging to deal with others who couldn’t comprehend or adapt to this new “reality” for me. Comments were often harsh. Eventually, I had to not care what others thought. It shouldn’t take a health matter for us to not care what others think or to choose balance for ourselves and our lives.

We have been programmed to believe if we are busy enough, it will lead to happiness. Why? Because if you’re busy, you must be being compensated, right? And if you’re compensated, you must be able to afford stuff, and stuff makes us happy, right? Yet, some of the busiest people are the most under-compensated and some of the best-compensated people are some of the unhappiest.

There’s also the aspect of strengthening our spiritual side to consider. How can we do this if we never sit still long enough to hear the deeper messages or to balance and recharge our energy, or to nurture our connection with the One Consciousness? We also need to consider the mental, emotional, and physical drain on us that can happen when we don’t have that balance in our lives.

Do you identify with who you really are, or with what you do and are experiencing? Do you project this onto others, as well? Maybe a good question is: How happy am I in general? Do I make time to not be busy so that the other parts of my life are fulfilling and joyful? It’s time to stop the glorification of busy for ourselves and others and embrace life and its many facets, and determine for ourselves what makes life a happy experience for us. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.   

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Are We Becoming Spiritual Orphans?

The current movement to awaken or enhance spiritual consciousness has been ongoing for decades. Are we doing as well as we might with this, or could we do much better?

I saw the opening text scrolled on the screen for the movie “Anthony Adverse” (which I chose not to watch) that ended with the sentence, “They were spiritual orphans.” Spiritual orphans—what a term; it intrigued me. My dictionary includes the definition of orphan that you might expect, of a child whose parents have died. There was another definition there, as well: “a product that is medically valuable but is not produced because it lacks a profitable market.” And there was the verb form: “to cause to become an orphan [orphaned by the war].”

Using the standard definition, I’d say a spiritual orphan is a person whose feeling, intuitive Heart guidance has been disconnected or diminished, or its existence has never been realized or developed: it isn’t working right, for whatever reason, so the innate guidance isn’t fulfilling its function. As for the second definition, you could say the lack of a profitable market (public recognition and receptivity) holding the product that has value (the full expression of spirituality) back from or for widespread use is the ridicule or dismissal true spirituality receives from mainstream and experts.  

Looking at marketability a different way, no one would argue the fact that books and other items focused on spirituality have been produced and are still a profitable market, but the items themselves are not spirituality, and using the items does not guarantee spirituality as the result. How do you obtain spirituality, or find it to obtain it? Here’s a quote by Rumi that answers this question simply and well, though I make a specific statement about this later on: “I looked in temples, churches and mosques. But I found the Divine in my heart.” You could say, “I looked in books, listened to tapes, and attended seminars. But I found my spirituality in my feeling, intuitive Heart.”

If you ever feel like a spiritual orphan, you might consider whether you approach spirituality solely or predominantly through your left-brain (logic, analysis, seeing just the “dots”). If so, this is a big part of the disconnection or lack of connection you experience. You can’t get to spirituality through the left-brain. You have to use both the right- and left-brain in combination with the feeling, intuitive Heart.

Every bit of information—conscious or subconscious—that you receive becomes a code that your brain, your biological computer, decodes and acts on or stores for reference. This includes information you don’t necessarily recognize as such, which includes commercials, ads, movies, billboards, symbols and logos, video games, and so on: everything you take in through your five senses is code that your brain processes, including subliminally, and possibly believes without question. Just as you are what you eat, you become, in some way, the information you ingest, deliberately or not, as well.

Think of it like this: each side (and part) of your brain has its own software, so to speak. The right side is coded for feelings (love, compassion, and empathy), intuition (expanded awareness), no time-no space awareness (you’re in the Now rather than the past or future), and realizing the bigger picture (holistic viewpoint, connecting the “dots”). But too much right-sidedness doesn’t allow you to put what you receive then decode into order or practical application (you feel unfocused, you drift along), which is where the left side comes in; but it’s meant to be a servant to the right side, not the dictator or ridiculer it can become.

If you process solely or predominantly through the left-brain, you might believe anything or might discount what you ought to believe, even if it defies what you’ve been told (e.g., Intuition is real, valuable, and felt vs. intuition doesn’t exist, or is nothing more than an advanced form of logic). If you decode information received solely or predominantly through the right-brain, you might interpret information according to what it is you prefer to believe about it, even if it defies or ignores reality (self-protective denial), or not be able to figure out what to do with the information (inertia based on confusion that results from conflicting beliefs or resistance, perhaps).

Even if you manage to use whole-brain thinking (or don’t), you still need to include the emotional, intuitive Heart, which reveals a Divine Trinity we humans are capable of but seldom use, mostly because it isn’t taught and we aren’t taught that it is who we inherently are. We look for spirituality; but where do we usually go to look at and decide on what the Truth of spirituality is? The left-brain. Jonathon Miller-Weisberger said, “It is necessary to perceive truth with the heart, not just the mind.” It’s the same for our spirituality.

Using intuition (expanded awareness) as our example, the fact that it is real is in direct contrast with what the left-brain is programmed and conditioned to believe (or is believed evil by some), so intuition is difficult for the left-brain to accept, much less use (a real contrast is that intuition is dismissed by the establishment but used by governments). Depending on your conditioning, you might believe everything you’re told by the “experts,” without question; and if the experts’ “facts” change after several years (or months), you’ll believe those as well, without question.

Your feeling, intuitive Heart is where Truth resides. The ancients who understood this maintained that our innate, true intelligence was found in the Heart, not in the brain/mind. The Heart filters out programming and tells you what you really feel, as well as what is going on energy-wise—even ahead of you seeing evidence, as opposed to the left-brain telling you what ought to think or decide the Truth is, based on your programming.

While living in New York City, someone asked me to take a road-trip to Louisiana. I went back and forth with logic about this (I did want to go, but not with that person) until I finally decided to leave all thought out of it and ask my Heart what it had to say. I got a resounding yes. I e-mailed the person and never heard back. Two days later, someone else contacted me and said he’d pay me a nice sum and all expenses to ride with his girlfriend, who was driving to Louisiana for an extended stay, and would arrange and pay for my flight back. Of course I said yes. My intuitive Heart knew I was to take the trip and that there was a better deal that would be offered. My Heart’s yes was not about the first offer, as my left-brain believed when I got the answer, but the offer I didn’t know about yet.

But we seem to continue to move further and further from listening to and operating from our Heart. The further away we move from our feeling, intuitive Heart, the further we are from being connected to the spirituality that is inherent in us and that we so deeply desire—and need. But here’s what we must Know: spirituality is not something we obtain; it’s something we already are. But we forget or never learned this, or it’s blocked behind so much that we have been taught and told. This is why listening to our Heart is not necessarily easily done: because so many others have forgotten this or have in some way been disconnected from this Truth, and they have been or are our experts, teachers, and examples.

This leads me to the verb form of orphan: to cause to become an orphan. When you see some of the stories about what’s going on in the world, do you consider them with your left-brain or right-brain only, or also with your Heart, which tells you “This isn’t right”? I saw an image that has stuck with me, of a very young black child curled into the fetal position on the dirt, belly swollen from starvation, still alive but barely. Two yards behind the child was a vulture, waiting. That was the moment when I grasped that we can look for our spirituality as far and wide as we wish, alter our appearance to look the part (as though true spirituality has a look), or do all manner of methods or practices, and still miss the fact of it as our true nature and our responsibility, because of where else we’re looking—or not looking. In this way, we all risk becoming spiritual orphans in some measure.

Perhaps the inundation of all that’s going on in the local and global communities, most of which makes no rational sense and demonstrates lack of Heart and spirituality, is contributing to making spiritual orphans of us all in some way, bit by bit, drip by drip. The more this inundation continues the more we move away from appropriate response and into overburdened senses; and our feeling, intuitive Heart becomes dulled as a self-protection mechanism. The more we move into this dulled way of being, the further away we move from not just the Truth of our spirituality but also from being and living as who we really are.

We are points of Divine Consciousness dreaming a physical experience. This statement is not airy-fairy; it’s a quantum physics fact that no one in-the-know argues with or can (any longer), but is still not being incorporated into our collective dialogues to expand our understanding of the true nature of reality and ourselves: there is only the Spiritual that exists; physical and spiritual are not separate, they are one and they are Spiritual. The way back to the Truth of who we are, to our spiritual nature, is through the feeling, intuitive Heart.

On YouTube is a 9-minute video of Erica Goldson’s 2010 high school valedictory speech. It is worth watching to hear how she explains what education is and does today, how it robs the upcoming generation of what’s needed to make a difference and to have a fulfilling life. It’s an articulate, well thought out speech from one individual who saw what-is, who proclaimed the Emperor has no clothes on, and pointed out that there are many who either see only what they’re told to see or ignore the fact of what they see. It’s brilliant, and I hope you watch it, because what she says about how students are being trained to be workers to fit employer needs rather than critical thinkers and creators, ties in with how we are being numbed to seeing, listening, and feeling with our Hearts. Look at what’s going on in schools today. Are we teaching upcoming generations that they are intelligent, creative, conscious, spiritual beings or are we teaching them to be spiritual orphans? However, it isn’t just the system. What do our own examples show them?

We might start to connect some dots using our whole brain and Heart. For example, you might read this article online: “Harvard Study: Fluoride Lowers Children’s Intelligence By Seven IQ Points,” which discusses the proven, stunning negative impacts on the brain and body in all age groups. The idea that toxins are used in this way (and in far too many other ways), despite controversy since it started, impacts us on the feeling, intuitive level, which is another form of spiritual orphaning: our left-brain argues that no one would do this knowingly (but it’s done); our right-brain doesn’t want to believe it is happening (but it is); our feeling, intuitive Heart knows it for what it is. But will we listen? 

The movement to awaken spiritual consciousness is ongoing, but is it or will it happen fast enough? It’s up to us, isn’t it? We can improve and expand our consciousness and spirituality by simply ceasing to do whatever is opposite of that, but we have to know what that is. Our feeling, intuitive Hearts can tell us, if we’ll listen and if we’ll act. Then we can be examples for others and the next generation and the next. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate. 

          

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Empathy Is Another Form of Appreciation

With all that’s going on in the world today, maybe we need to revisit empathy. What is it? Why is it important to and for us?

                                   Images from the work of Masaru Emoto

My dictionary defines empathy this way: “the projection of one’s own personality into the personality of another in order to understand the person better; ability to share in another’s emotions, thoughts, or feelings.” I add that empathy is another form of appreciation, so we follow this thread and turn to a definition of appreciate, which is: “to be fully or sensitively aware of.” This leads to the definition of aware: “knowing or realizing; conscious.” You might say that empathy is having the conscious awareness (or at the very least the imagination needed) to be sensitive to or possessing the ability to understand and or be able to share the emotions, thoughts, and feelings of others. Why is this important?

Well, there’s the Golden Rule—a very wise rule—that tells us to treat others as we would have them treat us. You can modify that to say (repeating from above) we are to be sensitive to or possess the ability or imagination to understand and or be able to share the emotions, thoughts, and feelings of others in the way we would like them to do the same for us. Please understand that this does not mean we are to allow abuse in any form. There are things you should do about abuse in order to protect yourself, like remove yourself from it or self-protect until you can remove yourself from it; this includes others you may be protecting, as well. I’m talking about day-to-day thought processes and actions we come across that could benefit from more empathy, which, if we think about it, might actually curb some or most of the abuses that arise.

Unfortunately, there are times when this compassionate, empathetic part of us is blocked and it ends up as, “Treat others as they treat you, or how others before them have treated you.” Or, even worse, “Treat others in whatever way best serves you and your agenda,” when this is about greed or having power over others in a negative, abusive way. These are a sure-fire way to go nowhere fast, or into an abyss, not only in the physical realm but the mental, emotional, and spiritual ones as well.

What blocks empathy? There are lots of reasons, but we could say they include how empathy is demonstrated, or isn’t demonstrated, during our formative years, which may be what we mimic, even if we feel nudged to be empathetic. We might likely agree that having to stay so busy or burdened to survive leaves us little time to connect with and feel what’s really in our hearts. Or conversely, we may be frustrated because we feel we have so little that’s constructive or productive or meaningful to do that we focus on this rather than connecting with our emotional heart to determine what we can do. There’s also being so concerned with the self that the real needs (not imaginary ones) of others aren’t considered or even observed so they can be assisted in ways appropriate for all involved. Consistently imagining the worst can be a part of this as well, which depresses the body, mind, emotions, and spirit, all of which support empathy.

We all might take into consideration how this relates to our individual lives, but we can also expand that to what’s happening in the world. I recently heard researcher, author, and lecturer David Icke say that empathy is the failsafe mechanism of all actions. When empathy is blocked, this failsafe fails to assist or guide us. Not only does this affect those we show no empathy to or for, but it affects us as well. It feels really, really good to do something meaningful that benefits another or others in a way that’s appropriate and for the highest good of all involved, even if done at the inner level only, at times; and that goodness is what ripples outward and we attract more of. Maybe, just maybe, a lot, if not all, of what goes on in our personal and professional lives and the world is a result of faulty empathy. The mechanism seems to have gone awry in us, as humanity, for one reason or another.

Maybe it’s time we pause a moment and give all of this real consideration. Assess whether our lives are running us (including ragged), or are being run by others, rather than us running our lives, to the extent that we’re not conscious of lack of empathy in ourselves and in others—and the results of this, including those in positions of power who have been entrusted as administrators of matters concerning those they are supposed to be in service to, whether by selection or appointment.

Martin Luther King said:

Cowardice asks the question – is it safe?

Expediency asks the question – is it politic?

Vanity asks the question – is it popular?

But conscience asks the question – is it right?

And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it BECAUSE it is right.

Imagine a mother and or father whose empathy is blocked. What do they teach their children? How do they treat their children? This may have been your own experience at times or much of the time. How did that feel? If it wasn’t your experience, how does it feel when you imagine it was? Do you want to repeat this pattern, or shift it?

Imagination is one of our most valuable resources. It is a powerful force within us that opens us to empathy and to solutions for the highest good of all involved. It leads us to head-and-heart alignment, which is a significant, if not critical, component of a fulfilling life experience for all involved.

I watched a video of a little girl, using her imagination in this way, who said that when she grows up, she wants to have a hotel where people come if they need a place to stay or food or a hug. She said they won’t need to give her any money, but if they want to give some because everyone at the hotel has been sweet to them, that’s okay; but they don’t have to. She pointed to her head and said, “I don’t want to live from this.” She then pointed to her heart and said, “I want to live from this.” Pointing to her heart two more times she said, “From this. This! All the way down to my toes.”

Two or more decades back I listened to a program on National Public Radio about an experiment to see if the gap between Americans and Russians could be bridged. Rooms were set up with the proper equipment to allow the two small groups of families to see and speak with each other. When it started, no one on either side did anything for a few minutes. Finally, one little American boy said, “When I come home from school, my mother gives me cookies and milk and we talk about my day. What do you do after school?” After several seconds passed, a Russian boy of the same age said, “When I come home from school, my mother also gives me cookies and milk, and we talk about my day.” Such similarity was a revelation to both sides: “They’re like us.”

The children, unaffected by years or decades of prejudice, led the way. Suddenly, all that either side had learned about being suspicious of or hating people they didn’t know, who lived in another part of the world, fell away. Everyone wanted to talk to everyone else, to learn what more they had in common, how many ways they were alike rather than different. Empathy and appreciation expanded in those rooms.

What would the quality of life on this planet be if we put aside our perceptions of how we are separate, respected our diversity, and welcomed the aspects of our oneness instead? Would or will this be easy to do? Maybe not at first, because we’ve practiced the opposite for so long, but it’s worth it for all of us to make the effort and keep making it. Granted, cultures do things that other cultures don’t align with, whether this is favorite foods or other matters. This is when a second Golden Rule would be beneficial: Do what you want to do or feel you need to do, as long as you don’t impose it on another. This one should cause people to pause and think before they act.

Albert Einstein said: A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

Imagine all of us being touched by a beam of light that is filled with conscious awareness; and that light beam of consciousness sparked within us empathy, compassion, love, acceptance, caring, imagination, inspiration, integrity, mutual respect, and innovation. Imagine that spark caused judgment of another based on how we look or the shade of our skin or on our level of education or on how we practice our spiritual aspects and paths (or don’t) or any other perceived separation, to disappear. Imagine everyone following or striving to follow the two Golden Rules.

Imagine Earth as a version of the little girl’s hotel where everyone uses their head based on the guidance and wisdom that comes from their heart regarding themselves, all others, and our planet—perhaps one day, even beyond. Imagination and creativity; the failsafe mechanism of empathy to guide our thoughts, words, and actions; the two Golden Rules; and appreciation for the experiences of others, as well as our blessings: It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.    

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

“Witness” by poet Wendi Romero

"Oh, to spread

my wings,

rising with the tempo

of my own

rhythm of rebirth."

  Read the entire version of “Witness” by poet Wendi Romero on Guest Articles page at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com/guest-articles.html#.UPGKUB3BGSo

Do You Genuinely Appreciate Your Gifts?

How many gifts from the Universe and the Earth do you have in your life right now? How many of them do you genuinely appreciate, and why does this matter?

That first question isn’t meant to be a trick question, but in essence it is… because everything is a gift from the Universe and/or the Earth. We do ourselves a huge disservice by not recognizing or acknowledging this Truth.

Almost two decades ago, a friend sent me a garment unlike any I’d ever worn before. I told her that, and that I wasn’t sure how to use it. Her reply was, “If you can’t figure out what to do with THAT, send it back!” Her statement may seem strong, but it was important to hear. How many gifts do we receive from the Universe, and the Earth, that we don’t, initially (or ever), figure out how to use properly and, therefore, we don’t fully appreciate them? Imagine the Universe or the Earth making the same statement my friend did regarding anything that comes to you or that you currently have. Kind of amps up the message, doesn’t it?

We love our conveniences; and though we may appreciate them, our familiarity with them (as well as, perhaps, lack of proper guidance and training) may cause us to disconnect from deeper, true appreciation. Let’s look at a meal as an example, whether you prepare it or someone else does. Even if you say a blessing before you eat, do you really mean it or do you say it because it’s expected? And, is it a thorough blessing that allows you to merge your personal empowerment with your appreciation?

Here’s an example you might test for yourself. While you cook or before you take the first bite of a meal or snack, say silently or aloud: I give thanks to everything and everyone that contributed to this food being available for me. I give thanks to the Earth for providing everything used in the preparation and in the serving and eating of it. I give thanks to the molecules of this food for the nourishment they give to my body, mind, and spirit. I give thanks to every molecule of my body for using every molecule of this food to support my optimum health, well-being, and energy, while helping me maintain my ideal weight of (number). If you happen to forget until after you eat, say or think it then.

That last part about the weight maintenance may have surprised you; but how often do we eat something and rather than enjoy and appreciate the food, and state our truest intention about the nourishment, do we do the opposite? Far too often. There is so much, everything, really, to appreciate every day, every moment; but our own disconnect to genuine appreciation causes us to USE without grace or, worse, Abuse without conscience or awareness.

When we feel appreciated, we feel fulfillment and joy about giving. When we appreciate what we receive or have, we create ripples of fulfillment and joy outward, including to the Earth and the Universe. This is an expansive energy that is responded to in kind. We feel larger when we’re in a state of appreciation because, in spirit and expression, we are. Lack of appreciation contracts our energy, makes us smaller in spirit, self-absorbed, cut off from more. More awaits us. But appreciation is the language we must feel, as well as speak, in order to keep that line of communication and receptive exchange open and flowing.

The meal example is an easy one to follow; but what about everything else in your life, especially anything or anyone so familiar or routine in your life that you “forget” to appreciate its or their presence? If you think you’re too busy to appreciate in this way, maybe you’re too much about busyness because you don’t appreciate in this way.

Look around your home, office, life, relationships. If there’s anything (or anyone) there you have no true appreciation for, remove or exchange it as soon as it’s reasonable to do so. If your life, inner or material, is cluttered with what you really don’t want and therefore don’t appreciate, you may not be able to readily appreciate what you do have that you do want.

Please be cautions not to insert self-judgment (convincing/fooling yourself) by believing if you don’t feel appreciation all the time, you’re failing, so why bother. You’re building a skill and way of being, as you might a set of muscles. To reach full development takes time and practice. Know that any moment you feel the opposite of appreciation can become an opportunity (as soon as you’re ready) to ask right questions and to learn something that can assist you as you continue forward. Keep in mind that sometimes what you learn is what to let go of. Knowing this is something to appreciate. "Knowledge is learning something new every day. Wisdom is letting go of something every day." -Zen Proverb

As you take such assessment about anything and anyone in your life, which you can do in each moment, hear the Universe say to you, “If you can’t figure out how to put THIS into proper use and appreciate it, return it.” It’s an interesting thought and an interesting practice to follow.

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer