People
might say there’s a lot to complain about these days, and so it’s been
throughout history. How’s that working for you and for all of us so far?
We all
complain aloud at times. Does it count as complaining if we do it silently to
ourselves? Yep. And we’re likely guiltier of this silent “complaint-athon”
activity than complaining aloud because of how many thoughts we have each day.
It would astonish us to actually mark down how many times we complain in just
one twenty-four-hour period. That’s a lot of thought energy going—where, and to
what end? Complaining aloud or not attracts more to complain about into our
lives. We also cause ourselves to feel bad when we complain.
Complaining
is a sign of discontent. This feels even worse when we do nothing to create
improvement at our inner and or outer levels about what we’re unhappy with.
Discontent is an opportunity to ask how you can improve or make whatever you’re
discontent about better, even if just a bit. The reality is that whether you
feel discontent or not is up to you. Discontent is a feeling brought about by a
thought you have. Ugh! This means we
are responsible for what we choose to think about after the first time the thought pops up and then what we feel as a
result of this thought process. We may not like this, but it’s a fact.
This
doesn’t mean we are to believe we are supposed to feel positive only. That’s a
fallacy, an imposition, and unrealistic. However, most of our everyday,
continuous bad or unhappy feelings are self-generated, and that’s what we want
to consider and address. A real need to vent in order to be heard and validated
is necessary to all of us at times. But we should be able to recognize that
once we’ve told our story once or a few times, if we continue to talk about the
same thing over and over—unless it’s a deep psychological matter that needs
qualified professional assistance, we’ve gone beyond venting and have entered
the realm of complaining, especially if we take no productive or constructive
inner or outer action to improve ourselves and or what upset us in the first
place. This doesn’t mean we are to set about changing everything and everyone
we are discontent with, which is impossible (and in some cases, rude), but to
at least change something within us before we aim at changing what we can
that’s external to us.
Self-pity
is a form of complaining, and demonstrates you’re not using your personal power
properly. Any form of consistent complaining, especially about the same
matter(s), depletes the personal power you do have. It hinders your ability to
remember that your power and strength is within you, not outside of you. Your
personal power is within your thoughts, within your ability to choose your
thoughts, before it’s found anywhere else. Self-pity, or any form of consistent
complaining, is like a sticky substance, which is why it makes people
uncomfortable; it makes them suddenly remember an imaginary appointment they’re
about to be late for or that a pot is boiling over on the empty stove, so they
have to disengage the call. They feel compelled to flee because they know at an
energetic level that self-pity is a one-way road downward, possibly into an
abyss.
Complaining
is resisting. It’s getting stuck where you are and putting your attention and
energy “there” rather than putting your attention on what you can do that you
will do. You can’t awaken or expand your consciousness if you practice
resistance and fear more than you do awareness and flow with what-is in the
moment. If you want to awaken or expand consciousness, you must strengthen your
spiritual foundation based on your relationship with Source and your self, to
help you release resistance and fear, in order to go beyond them. You must look
for solutions rather than amplify the problems.
When
you focus your attention through complaining, resistance, and fear, you
decrease available brain power, which is the very thing you need to move
forward and upward. Those who have awakened consciousness or strive to will
have their emotions stirred up at times, but they also know they are to strive
to move forward, and they do so, as soon as possible or practical for them.
When
you feel any level of negativity, and especially strong negativity, the way to
reduce the charge of that energy is to release resistance to what-is. The way
to release resistance is to find something or someone to appreciate then
connect with that feeling and energy. There
is no resistance in appreciation. Think about that for a moment. The way to
convert complaining, in any of its forms, into personal power is through
genuine appreciation, which is a form of infinite love. Appreciation, aloud or
not, attracts more to appreciate. And, you instantly feel better when you do
this. Maybe not fully the way you want to feel, but better.
When
you complain, especially if consistently or pretty close to that, silently or
aloud, you focus on what you consider wrong. When you find something or someone
to appreciate, you shift your point of attention from what’s “wrong” to what’s
right, to what’s good in your life, and what’s working; and this attention
leads you to put your attention on how YOU can improve, which leads you to
improve your situation and or experiences.
What
contributes to complaining as a practice? I’d say the number one reason is
this: Not loving yourself. Begin saying “I love myself” several times a day,
especially before you go to sleep and when you wake. And I hope you recognize
that I’m not referring to a narcissistic or ego-based love, but more like the love
you feel when you gaze at a sleeping child you cherish or a beloved pet.
Recognizing that love you have for them, how do you treat them? How intentional
and committed are you to give them proper care? This is how you want to treat
you. And the way you treat yourself ripples outward to how to treat others and
life.
Other,
“common” things that contribute to complaining as a practice include:
Inadequate or poor quality sleep and rest or recharge time; poor diet (garbage
in, garbage out—energy-wise); watching more news than you need to; dwelling on
or staying stuck in self-pity; allowing the habit of or addiction to
complaining to run you and your life; criticizing others (as though your own
slate is clean). All of these and other things you might list contribute to or
build an unhappy life, which leads to complaining about your life. You might
believe that if there were no causes for these things listed to happen (others
or life doing it to you in the first place), you’d stop complaining. But that’s
a bassackwards approach that has
never and will never work.
When
this is your state of mind, it’s also your state of being. It affects you
physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When one area is out of
balance, the other three are affected. This state of mind robs you of energy,
creativity, and life force. And you are the only one who can shift this. “If
you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will
get results.” – Unknown
Some
of the changes you can start with include doing the opposite of those
energy-depleting behavior practices listed above. Do at least one opposite
practice every day, but every day find something and someone to appreciate, or
at least three of each to appreciate. Do the “I love myself” practice every day
and watch and see how you start to feel, how your energy begins to shift
upwards, and the improvements you begin to come up with and act on.
Most
of the “crapolla” we put ourselves through and allow in our life is because we
haven’t allowed ourselves to truly love ourselves (we take care of what we
truly love). We burden others with our need to feel loved; and even if they
love us, we still may not feel the self-love we crave. We bought into the
indoctrinated idea that loving ourselves is a “bad thing” to do, when not
loving ourselves in the way I described is absolutely one of the worst things
we can do to ourselves, others, and our life.
James
Altucher wrote: “This is how we form a better society. First we become better
as individuals. You can’t help others if you look in the mirror and hate what
you see.” Of course, he isn’t referring to our physical appearance, but how we
feel about ourselves. If we appreciate ourselves, this influences how we create
and nurture our life experiences and personal and professional relationships,
and how we build and nurture society. Unfortunately, we, for the most part,
really do love others as we love ourselves. We need to amp up love in our lives
and on our planet; and not starting next week—now.
How
can we do and be better at this? We have to improve our thinking. When our
thinking improves, life improvements follow. For our thinking to improve, we
need to start with better health (diet, sleep, exercise); better mindset
(adequate sleep, less stress—whatever it takes to get you there, but more often
than not it’s more about shifting your perspective first); feeding your mind
with better information through books and other media that uplift and or help
you expand your conscious awareness; connecting with your trust in Source and
of yourself, and daily practice of thoughts that get you off the negativity
merry-go-round.
A
moment-by-moment question we can ask is this: Which one will result in joy and
or fulfillment for me as I move through this situation (or day)—complaining or
appreciation? And please remember: if you don’t like something, figure out how
you can improve yourself (starting with your perspective) and or the situation
even a bit. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
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