There is a phrase, “That person rubs me the wrong
way,” that basically means the person (though it could also apply to a
situation) doesn’t make you feel good and, in fact, irritates you. You, at
times, do this to yourself with your thoughts (most of us do). So, what works
to shift this?
This topic reminds me of that old joke where the
patient tells the doctor that hitting his head against the wall gives him a
headache. He asks the doctor what can be done about the pain. The doctor
replies, “Stop hitting your head against the wall.” Seems obvious, but we do
this to ourselves in many ways and more often than we realize.
I’m always amazed when I do this to myself. It’s
as though particular situations that crop up cause a form of temporary amnesia
and I, at least for a little while, forget what I know about Source and how
everything works based on past experiences that proved the Truth. If you’re
nodding your head in agreement because you do this too, I ask you to pay
attention to which situations lead you down this path. It’s likely the same types
each time. These are trigger points bringing our attention to issues (or
beliefs) that we haven’t as yet resolved in our favor.
Esther Hicks of Abraham fame has a video on
YouTube, “Now Is Where All Your Power Is, Part 2,” where she likens feeding
negative thoughts—any thoughts that take you out of feeling good—with rubbing
your hand on sandpaper. You wouldn’t deliberately rub your hand on sandpaper
for an extended period of time because it would hurt, remove skin, require
healing, maybe lead to infection, and so on. But, you will rub your thoughts in
this way: it’s a habit that seems logical because it is a widespread social,
and especially familial, practice. It’s likely that nearly everyone you know
does this from time to time. You may have worked yourself, or watched someone work
him- or herself, into a frothy state of anger or upset about something that isn’t
even happening at that moment, or is long or long-enough over. Focus is on what
happened, rather than what can be done to improve circumstances.
A good example of this is replaying in your mind
and verbally repeating events you’ve labeled “negative” that happened in the
past. How many times will you need to replay and repeat “negative” past events
before you feel better about them or change them to “positives” in the present
moment? You may even do this when you anticipate negative events that “might”
happen. It’s a hamster wheel experience.
What does this habit allow you to do? Let’s first
look at what it doesn’t do or allow you to do. It doesn’t empower you. It doesn’t
allow you to feel appreciation. It doesn’t allow you to feel aligned with what’s
good in your life. It doesn’t open you to inspired ideas and creative
solutions. It doesn’t allow more good in this specific circumstance to come to you;
and if more good does pierce that energy, you may not appreciate it fully.
It does present you with an opportunity (maybe
even Opportunity No. 5,798) to ask different questions about it such as: What
can I learn about myself from this? If I don’t like what I learn, how can I
shift that? In what way does this make me feel disempowered? How can and will I
empower myself about this? What does this opportunity allow me to do, and will
I do it?
When I catch myself doing this, and when I
remember to ask myself two specific questions, I immediately cease to use
sandpaper on my thoughts (although, sometimes it takes several repetitions of
the questions and answers before I really get it!). The questions and answers
are these: Q: “Where am I?” A: “Here.” Q: “What time is it?” A: “Now.”
Obviously, this re-minds me to return to the “here and now,” rather than stay
in my ego-aspect’s not-so-pleasant musings. Here and now is where any solutions
I require will surface; and they’ll surface when I calm myself and my energy so
that the solutions can reach me.
The tendency to use your thoughts like sandpaper on
your psyche comes from knowing that whatever causes you to feel out of
alignment, negative, angered, hurt, or fearful, wasn’t or hasn’t been resolved
or addressed within you in a way that allows you to feel the way you want to
feel. Maybe it’s something you can address in the present, and maybe what you
need to address is what you’re doing to yourself (and perhaps others) in the
present, through your mental attitude. “Ask yourself this question: Is my attitude worth catching?” - Anonymous
You may feel it’s logical or justified to place
responsibility for how you feel or your ability to shift how you feel onto
someone directly involved. How’s that worked for you so far? Maybe it worked in
some way (like for manipulation), but do you feel serenely self-empowered when you do this? Your ego-aspect may feel
justified and even somewhat satisfied if you put responsibility for how you
feel on another. But, if you give any person responsibility for how you choose
to feel, then that person has the power over you and your mental attitude, not
you. If you practice this denial of your power, you know it’s not the truth—because
of the resistance you experience when you do it. That resistance is a trigger
to re-MIND yourself that the power truly is within you.
Here are ways to shift any thoughts about anything
you use repeatedly like sandpaper on your psyche, whether from the past or now:
1. Notice
that you’re doing it. Notice what you’re allowing yourself to feel and be by
doing this. Notice this without judgment, because self-criticism is another
form of sandpaper—a very coarse form.
2. Ask,
“What part of this reflects something in me?” You may not like this fact, but
anything you harbor resentment about is something you do in a similar way, even
though it may appear as different, so different, you may not even recognize you’re
repeating a pattern you detest in another. This level of self-assessment may
not (initially or ever) feel good, but it is extraordinarily powerful on many
levels. If you still practice the negative aspect, you’ll find you feel
annoyance with the individual. If you’ve resolved it within yourself, you’ll
find you feel empathy and or compassion for the individual involved. This
doesn’t mean you have to put up with any crap from them, just that you don’t
engage them or the situation in the same way as you would if angered.
3. Ask,
“What can I do about this that I will do?” You may know what you can do, but
what can you do that you will do? One thing you can do is find something to
appreciate about this. You can appreciate that you notice you’re doing this and
that you can ask the right questions about
this from a sincere desire to shift and self-empower (sometimes the right
question is “What’s the right question to ask about this?”). You can appreciate
how this process leads to deeper understanding and compassion of and for
yourself and others. You can appreciate the feeling of relief you get when you
empower yourself to stop rubbing your thoughts the wrong way and then rub them
the right way.
You may also experience challenges about allowing
what you say you want into your life. Any thought about what you desire that
rubs the wrong way, will slow or prevent what you want coming to you as quickly
and easily as it might or would otherwise. It’s like saying No or Not Yet. When
this habit surfaces, you can diffuse it with this question: “Does allowing this
thought pattern support me to move forward, self-empower, and feel the way I
want to feel now?” If it doesn’t, you need to find a thought pattern that does.
If something needs addressing, address it.
Otherwise, find and use a thought pattern that lifts your mind and emotions
from the sandpaper. The most immediate relief is to stop doing it when you
notice you’re doing it. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce L. Shafer
You are welcome to use this article in your
newsletter or on your blog/website as long as you use my complete bio with it.
Joyce L. Shafer is a Life Empowerment
Coach dedicated to helping people feel, be, and live their true inner power.
She’s author of “I Don’t Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say” and
other books/e-books, and publishes a free weekly online newsletter that offers
empowering articles. See all that’s offered by Joyce and on her site at http://stateofappreciation.weebly.com
No comments:
Post a Comment