Choose to Unclutter You and Your New Year Now

Inner clutter happens when your focus isn’t on the appropriate point of attention. So, what is the appropriate point of attention?

A clutter coach gets contacted when an individual's living or working space gets disorganized to the point that the person can no longer function as efficiently as they'd like to or need to. A process is then engaged that involves getting rid of what no longer serves the person, creation of a system of organization that suits the person's particular needs and wants, and a commitment to attend to clutter in a timely fashion from that moment on. This process easily fits a person’s life, as well: a life coach or therapist is contacted when clutter happens at the inner level, which causes life to feel chaotic or unmanageable, and a commitment to shift this is made.

One way we clutter our lives is when we don't look after our best interests, which is supposed to be our ever-present, appropriate point of attention. Sure, we may do this for ourselves most or many times, and in specific areas of our lives, but we can usually identify one or several areas of our lives where we falter in this regard. For example, we may feel guilty or selfish if we don't always put others’ needs before ours, even if this harms us health-wise or impinges on our quality of life. Perhaps we forget or don’t know that when we honor boundaries, this leads us to recognize who is responsible for what, rather than over-burdening ourselves with emotional baggage that is someone else’s responsibility to carry and work on, or burdening others in this way.

Inner and outer clutter causes us to feel there is something off in our lives (outer clutter often occurs as a result of inner clutter that’s unrecognized or denied). We may believe that if we wait a while, the situation will balance itself or go away. This isn’t necessarily an untrue belief, but we have to discern the difference between trust in the Universe and its natural flow of energy, and the avoidance of appropriate action. Maybe we shove against a metaphorical brick wall, rather than look for a more appropriate way to move forward.

Maybe we believe that as spiritual or metaphysical types, we have to suppress or deny any or every negative feeling we have, forgetting that these are messages from our higher self, sent to assist us in our physical experience of life and personal growth. We need to ask ourselves what we feel, rather than think, about what’s going on, as well as what we'd like to do to shift a situation or us. If we peeled away the layers of bad feelings that happen when life is not going the way we'd prefer, we'd find at the core or heart of the matter that when we don't look out for our best interests, we enter a state of self-rejection.

Self-rejection clutters our minds, hearts, and lives quickly, and in some circumstances, thoroughly—like a blanket thrown over us on a warm night, causing us to feel smothered. Consider all the thoughts, feelings, and actions that might be attached to self-rejection, and the myriad ways that self-rejection may manifest in our life. We practice self-rejection when we fear cutting our losses. We stay in a situation longer than we should, or don’t speak up or take constructive action as quickly as we might, often because we fear what will happen if we do, otherwise referred to as fear of the unknown or even fear of feeling fear. If you attempt to restore balance and it doesn't work, do you know why you don't move on, from either where you are or how you perceive and handle events? Many don't choose to make a move or shift until it becomes more painful to stay where and how they are than it is to make a change, no matter how much this may scare them.

A new year, like a new day, offers the promise of a fresh start. Unclutter you and your life by giving conscious attention to what is in your best interest, what is truly appropriate for you and your life. I'm talking about the kind of best interest that is based in conscious awareness, not the ego-based selfish kind. Always choose to honor yourself, and do so from a place of personal integrity, which helps you to stay strong. You don't want to be rash in your decisions, nor angrily aggressive: that will lower your energy and amplify any self-rejection feelings you already have even more. If you need to make a plan, whether for inner, outer, or both aspects, do so; then follow your plan and adjust it as needed.

Unclutter your mind and heart through your intention and commitment to make your life one of quality and fulfillment and grace. Don't be afraid to cut your losses if something really doesn't work, especially if no matter what you do, nothing changes or it gets even worse. Believe me, I know from personal experience how these suggestions can feel easier said than done, but we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward on this. Because, on the other side of that decision is a field of potential and opportunities and good feelings waiting for you to show up so you can live the life you came here to live and feel about yourself the way you desire to feel. “Do not wait: the time will never be 'just right'. Start where you stand, and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.” – Napoleon Hill

My wish and hope for you and all of us as we move into the upcoming holidays then into a new year is that we honor who we are and came here to be as ever-evolving, ever-learning and growing individuals. That we choose to treat others as we want them to treat us instead of how they treat us; that we treat everyone how we should treat ourselves, including ourselves, if we aren’t doing the best job we could of that. We could unclutter our lives, and the world, if we put this into practice. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.        

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Happiness May Be As Simple As This

The primary cause of much, most, or all of our unhappiness is our demanding ego aspect. Once you understand what this means, you can do something about it, starting today.

Unhappiness may be as simple as this: If we’re angry, upset, discontent, bored, or frustrated, we’re allowing ego to run the show. Contradictions upset the ego aspect. What do I mean by contradictions? Ego wants life to be easy, but that isn’t always the case. Ego resists change it didn’t first approve of, but shift happens. Ego wants money to be easy and abundant, but it isn’t always like that. Ego wants perfect health and vitality, but that may not be the way it is. Ego wants fair weather so it can be comfortable, but it rains or snows or is hot and humid. Ego wants no problems, but challenges happen. It wants people to behave a certain way, but they don’t.

“The angry person is acutely sensitive to all they are owed by the world, and blind to all they have received,” said Jules Evans. This is what happens to the ego: It focuses on its demands and ignores, discounts, or forgets the blessings and gifts that have been received (in the moments when you’re appreciating blessings and gifts, you’re not doing ego). Ego leads to self-absorption (it’s all about me), which leads to regrets. I’ve got a few of those and still contend with this from time to time, but I’m getting better as I pay closer attention to this. Just know that the moment ego feels uncomfortable or insecure, it screams for what it wants, which means it’s likely screaming in our heads every or nearly every waking moment, unless we do something about this. I offer a few suggestions for your consideration further on.

Any contradiction to what ego wants will trigger negative emotions because the ego’s opinion is that nothing and no one should contradict what it wants. I know—unrealistic, isn’t it? And annoying. And we all experience this. What does this ultimately mean? It means that nearly all, if not all, of our emotional pain is self-inflicted. Ugh.

One thing that helps is to develop flexibility—become flexible about contradictions. I’ll give you an example from my life. This past weekend (Nov. 2013), my friend and I planned to do what we’ve been doing for several Saturdays: Visit my mother in the nursing home then have a leisurely lunch at one of our favorite places. Instead, we arrived to find my mother needed to go to the emergency room, her second trip to the E.R. in ten days. The ambulance took my mother to the hospital and we met her there. Fortunately, they easily found what the issue was and that it was simple to take care of, but we were there far longer than anticipated.

By 4:30, they said she could go home but the nursing home van couldn’t come for her; there were no available drivers—a first for all the E.R. and hospital stays we’ve had in less than a year. So they called the ambulance service to do the transport. We learned that even if an ambulance is almost to the hospital door, if they get an emergency call, that call becomes a priority (this happened twice as we waited). We waited from 4:30 until 8:30 that evening for a ride. My mother wasn’t happy. She was understandably exhausted; we all were. She was sorry she’d altered our plans for the day. I told her we have to be flexible in life or we’ll end up with two situations: the actual one and the one caused by our attitude about the situation.

There is a solution that can help you shift from being negatively affected by the often demanding, often inflexible ego aspect: Make your life a spiritual quest. In a spiritual quest, you practice flexibility on all levels; you practice passionate detachment so emotions stimulated by ego don’t run amok and steal your serenity, joy, and inner balance. You do this as often as you can re-mind yourself to do so. And you practice the two most important prayers you can ever say: 1) “Thank you;” and 2) “Please assist me to expand Perception.”

Heartfelt appreciation opens and expands your energy and inner power, and attracts resources you need and blessings you didn’t expect. Expanded Perception liberates you and raises your energy organically because you begin to struggle less and less with contradictions. Struggle is a result of ego running the show and running you ragged trying to appease it. The less you struggle with contradictions, the more the contradictions ease up in your life (you definitely ease up about them). And if they don’t ease up in quite the way you’d like, instead of resisting them, you consider them as part of your spiritual quest and look for why this might be. When contradictions happen, you’ll look for or feel for the most appropriate way to move yourself through them and beyond them, as well as what is and is not appropriate action for you to engage.

What if what happens in our lives, the contradictions large and small, are actually part of the quest we’re currently on, and not as random as they seem? What if they happen in order to nudge us to choose a spiritual quest instead of what we usually choose? The trick is that you have to want to shift this. You have to have a clear intention and commitment about turning your life into a spiritual quest rather than an ego-dominated tantrum or treasure hunt. The Universe awaits a clear sign from you that you’re serious about this. Once it gets that sign, you’ll begin to see it show up for you more and more, and in surprising ways. The Universe will not respond to your requests and needs until you get quiet and calm and trusting. Until then, you’re like a prickly cactus, and not even your Universal Helpers will approach you.

Pay attention to how society and media mislead you (your ego aspect) about what you should expect from life or what you have to have in order to feel about yourself and your life the way THEY say you should. You may have been convinced that fitting into the box they’ve said you must want to fit into or assigned you to fit into is the right way to go, but does it support your spiritual quest? If it doesn’t, agree to not fit. Stop some or most, or all, of the struggle the ego leads you into in order to fit into a mold designed for you by someone else. Forget the molds. The Universe doesn’t and never will have a mold with your name on it.

Create an expansive inner experience and you’ll find your outer experiences will start to catch up, but only in ways that are for your highest good and support your spiritual quest. For example: If a million dollars or more will actually support this, it’ll show up. If a million dollars or more will only cause your ego to get quiet for about five seconds before it starts yowling again, that’s not supportive of your quest. This goes for anything and everything your ego says it has to have. Or, you may get what your ego wants and still be miserable and ever-fearful of losing it. Forget what you’ve been told you must have or do. Forget what others have or are doing. Follow YOUR quest. Have your own adventure.

Happiness can be yours whenever you release ego’s demands on you that are based in fear and insecurity. Happiness can be yours when you become more flexible about inevitable contradictions. Happiness can be yours when you let go of resistance and embrace flow, which often requires you to be spontaneous and to trust the “How”—how what you desire will happen: You’ll know when you know. Happiness can be yours when you are able to stop using the labels “good” and “bad” about people and situations, as ego would have you do and say “It just is” and go from there, as your quest self would have you do. Happiness comes when you can really see what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been acting, when you can see how different this is from what you desire for yourself on your spiritual quest—and love yourself in spite of this, while you work on your energy and Perception. All of this can be an exit visa from the Assoholics Club that ego tends to create for members, a club we all visit or linger in at one time or another.

Another thing you can do to help you stop listening to the demands of ego to the same degree is to reserve using your logic for specific times, and tune into your feelings (not your emotions—that’s different), meaning your intuition, inner knowing, gut, head-and-heart alignment—whatever label works for you. Logic is ego’s playground more often than not. It’s what makes you turn cartwheels in place in life trying to make or force something to happen (to satisfy the ego) rather than sitting quietly for a while, asking for what you want, then waiting for the right answer or resource to connect with you, however it connects with you, whether that’s an insight, an overheard comment, a billboard, or any other creative means the Universe uses to reach or assist you.

Ego wants you to believe you’re an intellect in a body, but the quest will lead you to realize that you are Feeling expressing in physicality. No matter what you think, say, or do, it’s always, always about the feeling you have or desire to have. But please keep this in mind: ask for expanded Perception. Expanded Perception will get you through situations as you move forward on your spiritual quest. It’s the limited perception of ego that causes so much trouble in our lives and causes us to feel negative emotions so often.

Also know that the quest is not necessarily convenient; in fact, it often isn’t. This is why many start on their spiritual quest and either ditch it after a while or have lots of starts and stops. The quest asks you to deal with contradictions differently than you have, which pisses off the ego in a big way. It might even try to tell you that you (it) were happier before all this quest stuff. You weren’t, of course, or you never would have considered the quest to begin with, or you wouldn’t have read this far. Plus, if your ego tells you to feel special or holy for taking on the quest, you’ll go round and round the same ego mountain over and over.

Ego wants the quest to be easy. It can be, but at the inner level, once you start expanding your Perception and become more Flexible, and remember to say Thank You to the Universe for the gift of all your experiences. Yes, even the ones that make you uncomfortable. Everything and everyone can teach you something about yourself, and for the most part, you don’t have to pay for this “education”.

Your quest helps you build your spiritual muscles. If you continue to operate predominantly or solely from ego, your spiritual muscles continue to shrink, until life and you become lifeless and filled with irritations, and you feel there’s no way out but death, which ego usually isn’t so keen on either. But the more you trundle, flow, or stumble down the path of your quest, the more control you gain of your inner self. The more control you gain of your inner self, the less ego and others can control you. Paraphrasing one concentration camp prisoner’s comment: They can take everything from you but your attitude. Your attitude is part of your inner power. Your quest is your commitment to your inner power and self-governance, and reconnects or strengthens your connection to the Infinite you’re a part of. It’s the difference between happiness being a result of what happens to and for you that your ego likes or being able to choose happiness no matter what and whenever YOU choose it. 

As you can see, a true spiritual quest requires dedication from you to evolve beyond the control of the demanding ego. So, even when life or a situation is challenging, choose to look for the sign that says “Spiritual Quest This Way” and head toward it. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.      

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The Trap of Self-Importance

We sometimes misunderstand what being authentic really means and find ourselves visiting or living in the ivory tower of the ego called self-importance. It’s a trap.

Our interpretation of what it means to be authentic or true to ourselves can be misconstrued in a way that leads us to certain behaviors, like considering others to be and treating them as less in some way than we perceive ourselves to be, such as less spiritual, clever, equal, worthy, and so on. When we practice self-importance and there’s something in life or another person we don’t like, we behave certain ways, ways that are different than if we are operating in an authentic manner that comes from confidence in our personal power and knowing we are an infinite spiritual energy having and sharing a physical experience, who at times feels just as challenged as others do.

Self-importance is a form of isolation and a form of self-loathing. Even when we feel somewhat close to others, it’s still lonely, because self-importance is a solo pursuit. A need for self-importance stems from fear: the fear of others seeing that we have two sides called light and shadow, the knowledge that we’re not always right, and that we do make mistakes and practice behaviors we ought to reconsider. We fear seeing this in ourselves and owning it, as well.

Self-importance leads us to think we’re the only ones who experience this fear (we’re not), which might be called a form of self-absorption, and we’ll go to great lengths to keep this hidden. This, of course, keeps us from feeling authentic. If you really want to feel authentic, accept that you have pleasing aspects and not-so-pleasing aspects, and be at peace with this. Accept this so you can become whole again. A good number of us are walking around pretending we are nothing but good and right, when we’re not; and when we bump against this truth, it can freak us out a bit. This is why we work so hard and stress so much about keeping this fact and absence of wholeness hidden from others and ourselves, and why we deflect evidence of our flaws when they’re made obvious, usually with anger so the focus is shifted away from us. But we get tripped up from time to time because the opposite of any good aspect we possess and demonstrate is always lingering next to us, ready to express itself if something motivates this into action.

One way self-importance takes form in our lives is the ivory tower syndrome. The extreme of this is the high-maintenance types of personalities. There are many “sizes and shapes” and levels of this, but what each have in common is the belief they are, or they have a strong desire to be, considered elite in some way. This can happen to anyone anywhere on the economic scale because it’s an emotional, not financial, matter. Keeping in mind the possible levels of expression, elite or high-maintenance types believe no one’s needs or input are as important as theirs, whether this strikes them at particular times or is a consistent practice. What others feel, desire, or need are secondary, if not irrelevant, when a person is trapped in or practicing any level of self-importance. They feel others are there to serve them so as to meet their needs, abate their fears, and feed their ego, each of which has a voracious appetite. The longer they remain in the ivory tower, the hungrier their ego is and the more frightened and needier they become.

These types tend to be high-strung and easily triggered. This is because they are afraid of what they might lose and how easily this loss may happen, especially what others think of them—even when how they choose to behave seems to contradict this. (Change and loss happen as a natural part of life, but their coping skills haven’t been practiced or practiced in helpful-to-them ways.) It doesn’t take much for them to feel threatened. Anything that’s contrary to what they feel they must have or must experience will cause this feeling. They are stressed a good deal of the time for this reason.

It takes a lot of energy to keep the illusion (or delusion) going in a way that makes them feel safe; however, for them, feeling safe is an illusion, as well. It’s something they never truly feel or feel for long, because the ivory tower is a “house of cards” construction. They’ll pretend to themselves and others that they’re strong and in control, but know at their subconscious level that they don’t believe this or feel it. When they’re afraid, they come out fighting, in one form or another. It’s their attempt to feel in control again, though, they never actually feel in control—it’s a pretense they consistently confront.

Let’s put away judgment, though, and right quick. It’s easy for any one of us to go to the top of the tower at times, or even to step over the threshold or climb a few steps. When we feel self-important or desire to, we believe the way to not feel so scared or feel hurt by others and life is to be apart from or elevated above the fray (even if just in our own minds), isolated for the most part from what and who causes us to see how insecure and unsecure we may actually feel or believe ourselves to be. It’s such a contradiction, really: the need to be elevated above others and the need to be loved and accepted by them at the same time. It’s a bit mad and definitely exhausting—to all involved. And it is always, always, always about self-acceptance even though we burden others with this, expecting them to fix or supply this for us.

It takes a lot to sustain the tower of self-importance, so everyone within the circle of influence is expected to dance to the tower-dweller’s tune. When they boast or go on and on about themselves, others are expected to listen in something like a state of reverence, or at least deference. The self-important are moody, have hair-trigger anger and other emotions, and are often self-centered, though, resist seeing this aspect in themselves. (See what I mean about not judging: all of us can have moments when we demonstrate these behaviors, and for the same reasons.) But this can become severe, which usually happens when the person is terrified the tower will come down—and who will they be then?

If others aren’t focusing a great deal of attention on them and doing whatever it takes to make or keep them happy or feeling secure or good about themselves, who are they? It’s a form of taking rather than giving, which closes or constipates the loop of abundance, be that financial, success, serenity, or anything else, but especially feeling loved. We have to be and give that which we wish to receive; and we do receive what we give, based on the energy underlying any exchange. The balancing act of karma is exact.

Besides the ivory towers, we have the ladders we are told we have to climb if we want to be somebody in this life, which really triggers self-importance. There are ladders for prestige, popularity, financial wealth and assets—there are lots and lots of ladders. Even if we climb them, we still might not feel authentic in the true sense of the word: strong in knowing, accepting, and loving ourselves and adept at what author Stuart Wilde calls The Three Graces: generosity, kindness, and respect. To practice the graces means you don’t perceive yourself as separate, special, or elite. You recognize the interdependence of all things and all people.

Being authentic doesn’t mean you don’t take care of yourself or look out for your best interests—you must. But you do this with an attitude of grace and softness rather than aggression or belligerence. Sometimes the best service to others you can provide is to send them a silent blessing and head off in another direction while they figure out why the energy seems to work in reverse for them, for however long that takes. Sometimes, it’s in your best interest to stick around for a while and discover what you need to work on in yourself, because they will reflect this to you.

When you’re authentic, you know you’re going to spend some time in your shadow side but you are also dedicated to getting better at choosing to practice the three graces more often than not, and learning from your shadow aspect. When you’re authentic, you look for ways appropriate for you to be of service to others, while you also take care of yourself, rather than so focused on being self-serving. When you’re authentic, you experience a form of enlightenment that releases you from the tower because you realize enlightenment is not elevation: it is integration. In fact, let go of seeking enlightenment and seek integration through generosity, kindness, respect, and your appropriate-for-you service to others and humanity, which may be just as much an attitude or mindset as it may be an actual product or service. This will raise your energy.

Each time you raise your energy in this way, the rest of humanity’s energy is raised a bit as well, because there is no, in reality, difference between your energy and theirs. We’re all in this sink-or-swim experience together. Your inner power will grow as a result, and you won’t need to be special because of this expansion of your personal power, but you’ll use this power to assist others to trust themselves in a way that helps them feel strong and safe. And when others do think you’re pretty nifty, you’ll appreciate this from a spiritual humility that feels wonderful, expansive, and affirms your contribution.

Self-importance will eventually bring you to your knees, including literally. I had an experience of this recently when I found myself having a relatively small self-satisfied attitude moment. My foot went out from me in that moment and I literally landed on my knees. Sure, I knew that the combination of something on a tile floor and soles that do better on dry surfaces could create a slip or fall in 3-D, but I also knew instantly what it was really about. I quickly aligned myself with humility (and an icepack).

Self-importance, in its myriad ways of expressing itself, is a form of pollution. It pollutes the energy of those who need to feel self-important, as well as anyone and anything they interact with. And, others, who don’t appreciate being made to feel less than, will become defensive or take offense at the energy spiking out at them. If you consider that everything is shared energy, you can see why this pollution bit is true. You want to stop polluting your energy and your life and come down from the tower on your own volition before the tower crumbles or leans over to cast you out. You want to be on your feet, not in a heap on the ground or on your knees (except in gratitude). Become a spiritual environmentalist and clean up your energy, including judging those whose fears lead them into and up the tower of self-importance. The moment you judge them you practice self-importance. Send them a compassionate blessing instead, because you’ve been there yourself and you know what it feels like.

Walk your path in reverence for humanity and life. No one’s journey is easy or free of fears, no matter what it looks like on the surface. It’s remarkable and lovely to feel the humbleness of making a real difference, large or small, versus a “See!-I’m-special!” trap of the frightened ego-aspect. Ask yourself often what it is you want to contribute while you’re here, what you want your personal legacy to be, even if it’s a silent, less-obvious one. Check in with yourself to see if you consider others subservient to you or less “whatever” than you, or do you practice the three graces as often as possible? It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.       

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

What Is the Spiritual Path Really About?

Have you ever felt the spiritual-metaphysical path was just too challenging and wanted to jump off that ride? There are a few things you can do that can make this a smoother journey.

Here’s something you may want to keep in mind: The spiritual path is more about how much you get rid of rather than acquire. What does this mean? It does feel good to learn a new tool, technique, or method that we anticipate will move us forward on our spiritual-metaphysical path, but what we often do is acquire one or many more of these while still hanging on to the old beliefs, thoughts, feelings, words, and or actions that got us into feeling the need for a shift in the first place. We basically fill our inner space with opposing thoughts that cancel each other out. Or we still practice what doesn’t work, along with the new practice, at least until we give up when the new doesn’t seem to work—and this is usually because we still practice what doesn’t work, as well.

If we want to awaken spiritually-metaphysically, yes, something “new and improved” may be just the thing to assist us. But something that will get you there just as fast or faster is to begin to shed false and limiting beliefs and ineffective practices. This means you have to figure out which of your beliefs and practices fit into these categories—and then stop doing them, whether you replace them with a better way or not, though a replacement is a good idea, as long as it puts you into head-and-heart alignment, integrity, and inner serenity with your choices.

Here’s one example of how we often approach this. There’s something about your experiences or life that you don’t like and you want to change. Maybe you take action on this. Maybe that action changes what’s external to you but you still don’t feel the way you prefer to. Maybe what changed for a while goes back to what it was before, or worse. Maybe all you do is criticize what you don’t like, and do nothing to shift this.

Now, imagine you’re standing in front of a mirror and there’s something about your reflection you don’t like or you want to change. How effective is it to walk up to the mirror and try to change what you don’t like in or on the reflection? How effective would it be to yell at the reflection to change? If we want the reflection (our experiences and how we feel about ourselves) to reflect what we prefer, we have to make the changes within us first. We have to resonate what we want to experience and feel, as challenging as that can sometimes or often feels. But it only feels that way because it hasn’t been our practice before now.

Let’s say you’ve held the intention to seek or have enlightenment. Think of that enlightenment like a boiled egg. Your enlightenment is inside the shell you have around it. All you have to do is peel away what doesn’t belong there. You see, you already have and are the enlightenment you seek. That’s your natural state, before false and limiting beliefs became the shell this Truth became encased in. If you want to feel more enlightened, stop doing anything that doesn’t demonstrate enlightenment. Peel your enlightenment egg one bit of shell at a time, whatever bit is ready to be removed. This sounds easier than it might be as your experience.

When you get started on the spiritual-metaphysical path, and even after you’ve been on it for a while (unless you’re one of the rare few who experience a total transformation overnight or in a moment), there will be times when you screw up and you don’t mean to. You’ll have confusing times. You’ll have times of frustration when what you are learning and have thought you knew overlap. You’ll have times when the exploration and discovery process feels bad, especially when you see (perhaps for the first time, or—sigh—yet again) some of your less pleasing aspects for what they are. You’ll also have moments of bliss and deep knowing.

If you’re like me, you may have discovered when you first started on your spiritual-metaphysical path (or will discover) that life seemed or seems to go topsy-turvy at times, which seems contrary to your belief about what should happen once you’re more spiritually-metaphysically inclined. It may have felt—and may still at times feel—so uncomfortable to expand and evolve in this way that you want to ditch the effort. Hang in there. Eventually, you’ll recognize what’s happening. You’ll recognize these times for what they really are—opportunities to learn about yourself and strengthen yourself—and then put them to good use.

Let’s face it: All of us have times when whatever enlightenment we’ve garnered seems to go out the window as soon as we’re triggered. Except for those times when instant emergency measures are required, whenever you’re triggered, count to ten or twenty, taking in deep breaths and exhaling all the oxygen in your lungs. This will calm your chemicals down and will calm your mind enough so that you can think. We’re familiar with the saying or experience that we’re so upset we can’t think straight. This is an accurate assessment! And one we can take back our personal power about. When we feel fear, anger, resentment, and so forth, we disconnect (for as long as we carry that feeling) from the Infinite Mind we are an expression of’, and this is when and why life feels far more difficult and challenging than it’s meant to be. These are the times when we flounder and make choices we wish we hadn’t.

So, how can you shed false and limiting beliefs? One way is to really look at your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions, even if that’s uncomfortable, so you identify which ones support how you choose to be in each moment. How about prioritizing? Prioritize what is genuinely important and important to you, rather than try to drag everything you’ve been told is important, along behind you. Consider what endorses you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually-metaphysically…and chuck the rest. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.      

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Stop Giving Away Your Personal Power Through Blaming and Complaining

When you blame others or events for how you feel, you give your power to them. You’re saying they control your thoughts, emotions, and subsequent words and actions. How’s that worked for you so far?

It was a combination of things: too many days that were too active, various more-than-usual stresses each day, and a need for rest and sleep that led to my being more easily annoyed than I anticipated or appreciated. The more tired, exhausted, or overwhelmed we are, the easier it is to fall into this mode. The next thing I knew, I was off balance. I kept replaying the moments and conversations that had annoyed me over and over in my mind, and that annoyed me, too.

That’s a vortex that a number of us tend to go into, or can, when we need to look out for our best interests or take better care of ourselves on all levels. Something I know but temporarily forget (especially when I’m annoyed) is that, yes, a person or an event may trigger me, but after that initial trigger, everything I think, feel, say, and do is mine and only mine. I’m responsible for it, no one else.

There’s a positive aspect to this, though: It brought several things to my attention. For one, complaining and blaming absolutely does lead us to feel as though our personal power has diminished in some way; only, it isn’t anything or anyone external to us who diminishes our power—only we can do that, because our personal power is within every visible and non-visible atom of our being. (Actually, our personal power never diminishes. We can only convince ourselves to believe that it does.) Feeling disempowered adds even more bad feelings into the mix. We can usually directly address what or who has triggered us, and hopefully do so in a constructive, productive manner. However, it also feels bad when, for whatever reason, we don’t address issues in this manner and instead let our annoyance fester inside us.

There will always be situations we can’t control, but we can always control how we manage ourselves through and beyond them. There will always be people who, even after we speak with them, won’t alter their behaviors, but we can manage how we engage with them, as well as what we take on of theirs as ours. We can always find a way to restore belief in our personal power. A sure way to start on this path is to stop blaming and complaining. But that feels hard to do at times. So, what can we do to put our mental feet on this path?

Get off the topic. Seriously. When your thoughts of annoyance continue to loop through your mind, do something that requires your complete focus so you get your mind off topic like read or watch a movie. Do anything that holds your attention fully for an extended period of time. This isn’t avoidance; this is a way to start to rebalance your energy and perspective.

Let’s face it. If something gets addressed or even resolved, but not in the way you prefer, or if you aren’t able to resolve it and you now have to deal with how you feel about that, you want to re-energize your personal power as quickly and easily as you can. Putting your focus elsewhere can help you do that for a while. Get off topic until you can approach whatever or whoever it is that has upset you, with less emotional charge. You will not be constructive or productive if you’re an emotional mess. You’ll also attract more of the same experiences and become even more of a mess. Then, not only will you be upset about the original matter but also with yourself, even if your ego-aspect insists you blame someone or something else for how you feel, other than your personal perspective and choices.

Here’s something to keep in mind: The Universe cannot yield to you anything different than what you feel about yourself. Abraham-Hicks said that, and it makes sense. If you’re inclined to argue with this, pause and consider your life experiences and the basic tone or theme of them. This is also why you want to do whatever it takes to restore your awareness of your personal power: to shift the tone or theme your life has taken on as a result of being out of balance emotionally. In balance and in personal power is what you want your frequency, your transmitted attracting vibration, to be.

Another powerful statement Abraham-Hicks suggested we make whenever anything negative or even positive happens is this: My point of attraction equals that. When anything positive or negative happens, pause and make that statement and see the truth of it. If you don’t like your point of attraction, shift it. Complaining or blaming won’t do that for you. In fact, you can even back up a bit and consider whether you were blaming or complaining before the latest event happened.

That’s what happened with me. And it’s a cause-and-effect pattern I’m well aware of after all these years, and I still sabotage myself with it from time to time. It’s as though there’s a realistic spiritual limit to how much, for how long, and in what manner we are able to vent before that “glass” fills and spills over into blame and complain and creates a mess in our attraction energy fields. At least, that’s been my experience. Once I remembered this, I was annoyed with myself about this as well, but then let that go and replaced it with appreciation that apparently (or so I prefer to believe) this was a path I needed to travel in order to re-mind myself of this Truth. Yet again.

When we allow our mind and emotions to become scrambled by annoyances, we become servants, so to speak, of the annoyance energies and of whomever or whatever we blame for “causing” us to feel them. We mentally and emotionally disconnect from our higher selves and our personal power during such times, and this is why perceived disempowerment feels so bad. We feel alone and fragile. We feel in mental and emotional pain, weak rather than strong, ineffectual rather than creative and innovative.

The way to shift this is to remember we are more, that we are always more than how we appear to ourselves, and others, in any given moment that we feel disempowered. We can reclaim our personal power the instant we cease to feel, think, say, or do anything that is opposite of personal power. We might even follow the “Ask and it is given” philosophy with this statement: Let there be Light here. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.     

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

Empathy Is Another Form of Appreciation

With all that’s going on in the world today, maybe we need to revisit empathy. What is it? Why is it important to and for us?

                                   Images from the work of Masaru Emoto

My dictionary defines empathy this way: “the projection of one’s own personality into the personality of another in order to understand the person better; ability to share in another’s emotions, thoughts, or feelings.” I add that empathy is another form of appreciation, so we follow this thread and turn to a definition of appreciate, which is: “to be fully or sensitively aware of.” This leads to the definition of aware: “knowing or realizing; conscious.” You might say that empathy is having the conscious awareness (or at the very least the imagination needed) to be sensitive to or possessing the ability to understand and or be able to share the emotions, thoughts, and feelings of others. Why is this important?

Well, there’s the Golden Rule—a very wise rule—that tells us to treat others as we would have them treat us. You can modify that to say (repeating from above) we are to be sensitive to or possess the ability or imagination to understand and or be able to share the emotions, thoughts, and feelings of others in the way we would like them to do the same for us. Please understand that this does not mean we are to allow abuse in any form. There are things you should do about abuse in order to protect yourself, like remove yourself from it or self-protect until you can remove yourself from it; this includes others you may be protecting, as well. I’m talking about day-to-day thought processes and actions we come across that could benefit from more empathy, which, if we think about it, might actually curb some or most of the abuses that arise.

Unfortunately, there are times when this compassionate, empathetic part of us is blocked and it ends up as, “Treat others as they treat you, or how others before them have treated you.” Or, even worse, “Treat others in whatever way best serves you and your agenda,” when this is about greed or having power over others in a negative, abusive way. These are a sure-fire way to go nowhere fast, or into an abyss, not only in the physical realm but the mental, emotional, and spiritual ones as well.

What blocks empathy? There are lots of reasons, but we could say they include how empathy is demonstrated, or isn’t demonstrated, during our formative years, which may be what we mimic, even if we feel nudged to be empathetic. We might likely agree that having to stay so busy or burdened to survive leaves us little time to connect with and feel what’s really in our hearts. Or conversely, we may be frustrated because we feel we have so little that’s constructive or productive or meaningful to do that we focus on this rather than connecting with our emotional heart to determine what we can do. There’s also being so concerned with the self that the real needs (not imaginary ones) of others aren’t considered or even observed so they can be assisted in ways appropriate for all involved. Consistently imagining the worst can be a part of this as well, which depresses the body, mind, emotions, and spirit, all of which support empathy.

We all might take into consideration how this relates to our individual lives, but we can also expand that to what’s happening in the world. I recently heard researcher, author, and lecturer David Icke say that empathy is the failsafe mechanism of all actions. When empathy is blocked, this failsafe fails to assist or guide us. Not only does this affect those we show no empathy to or for, but it affects us as well. It feels really, really good to do something meaningful that benefits another or others in a way that’s appropriate and for the highest good of all involved, even if done at the inner level only, at times; and that goodness is what ripples outward and we attract more of. Maybe, just maybe, a lot, if not all, of what goes on in our personal and professional lives and the world is a result of faulty empathy. The mechanism seems to have gone awry in us, as humanity, for one reason or another.

Maybe it’s time we pause a moment and give all of this real consideration. Assess whether our lives are running us (including ragged), or are being run by others, rather than us running our lives, to the extent that we’re not conscious of lack of empathy in ourselves and in others—and the results of this, including those in positions of power who have been entrusted as administrators of matters concerning those they are supposed to be in service to, whether by selection or appointment.

Martin Luther King said:

Cowardice asks the question – is it safe?

Expediency asks the question – is it politic?

Vanity asks the question – is it popular?

But conscience asks the question – is it right?

And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it BECAUSE it is right.

Imagine a mother and or father whose empathy is blocked. What do they teach their children? How do they treat their children? This may have been your own experience at times or much of the time. How did that feel? If it wasn’t your experience, how does it feel when you imagine it was? Do you want to repeat this pattern, or shift it?

Imagination is one of our most valuable resources. It is a powerful force within us that opens us to empathy and to solutions for the highest good of all involved. It leads us to head-and-heart alignment, which is a significant, if not critical, component of a fulfilling life experience for all involved.

I watched a video of a little girl, using her imagination in this way, who said that when she grows up, she wants to have a hotel where people come if they need a place to stay or food or a hug. She said they won’t need to give her any money, but if they want to give some because everyone at the hotel has been sweet to them, that’s okay; but they don’t have to. She pointed to her head and said, “I don’t want to live from this.” She then pointed to her heart and said, “I want to live from this.” Pointing to her heart two more times she said, “From this. This! All the way down to my toes.”

Two or more decades back I listened to a program on National Public Radio about an experiment to see if the gap between Americans and Russians could be bridged. Rooms were set up with the proper equipment to allow the two small groups of families to see and speak with each other. When it started, no one on either side did anything for a few minutes. Finally, one little American boy said, “When I come home from school, my mother gives me cookies and milk and we talk about my day. What do you do after school?” After several seconds passed, a Russian boy of the same age said, “When I come home from school, my mother also gives me cookies and milk, and we talk about my day.” Such similarity was a revelation to both sides: “They’re like us.”

The children, unaffected by years or decades of prejudice, led the way. Suddenly, all that either side had learned about being suspicious of or hating people they didn’t know, who lived in another part of the world, fell away. Everyone wanted to talk to everyone else, to learn what more they had in common, how many ways they were alike rather than different. Empathy and appreciation expanded in those rooms.

What would the quality of life on this planet be if we put aside our perceptions of how we are separate, respected our diversity, and welcomed the aspects of our oneness instead? Would or will this be easy to do? Maybe not at first, because we’ve practiced the opposite for so long, but it’s worth it for all of us to make the effort and keep making it. Granted, cultures do things that other cultures don’t align with, whether this is favorite foods or other matters. This is when a second Golden Rule would be beneficial: Do what you want to do or feel you need to do, as long as you don’t impose it on another. This one should cause people to pause and think before they act.

Albert Einstein said: A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

Imagine all of us being touched by a beam of light that is filled with conscious awareness; and that light beam of consciousness sparked within us empathy, compassion, love, acceptance, caring, imagination, inspiration, integrity, mutual respect, and innovation. Imagine that spark caused judgment of another based on how we look or the shade of our skin or on our level of education or on how we practice our spiritual aspects and paths (or don’t) or any other perceived separation, to disappear. Imagine everyone following or striving to follow the two Golden Rules.

Imagine Earth as a version of the little girl’s hotel where everyone uses their head based on the guidance and wisdom that comes from their heart regarding themselves, all others, and our planet—perhaps one day, even beyond. Imagination and creativity; the failsafe mechanism of empathy to guide our thoughts, words, and actions; the two Golden Rules; and appreciation for the experiences of others, as well as our blessings: It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.    

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer

The Money Energy Virus

In most cultures around the world, there is a LOT of energy when it comes to the topic of money, much of it not very positive. Maybe we need to look at this.

What are your thoughts when you hand over money in exchange for goods or services, or even as gifts? By money I mean the paper version, coins, checks, even debit and credit cards and automatic payments, which you see registered on your account status. What if the money you touched, whatever its form, carried the energy to you of the person who touched it last, or it carried the energy of every person who ever touched it? This could apply to the keypad you use for debit card transactions, or the pen you use to sign a check or credit card voucher, or your own keyboard or whatever technology you use to check your account transactions. What energy would you prefer be transferred to you? What energy do you transfer?

Think this is airy-fairy nonsense? There’s a branch of paranormal science called psychometry, where you hold or touch an object and pick up information from it, including about the person who held it or carried it or had it last, and sometimes farther back than that. You can research this online or find books about it, if you’re unfamiliar with it.

Everything is energy (we can no longer deny this), so it shouldn’t be a surprise to us to realize we pick up on the energy around us all the time, as well as imprint our own energy wherever we are. You’ve perhaps even felt this when you’ve walked into a room and felt inclined to say, “The energy in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife.” Maybe certain places make you uncomfortable. You may think it’s because it’s a hospital or whatever, and maybe that’s accurate for your own reasons, but maybe it’s about more than that. We’re used to being aware of energy in some instances, but not in others, but it doesn’t mean energy isn’t everywhere, or that we can perceive some forms of energy but not others. We may not translate or “read” what we pick up energy-wise, but we do receive it.

I mentioned the money-energy virus in the title. I won’t look up a formal definition of what a virus is, because you’ve possibly experienced one health-wise or know someone who has, and because in this computerized world, we understand what it can mean for a computer to get one, or what it means for a video to go viral, as well as how quickly that can happen. The parallels to money energy are there in that what we touch gets imbued with our energy imprint and gets passed on. This can also apply to anything we touch: food we prepare or others prepare for us, apparel we buy or give or sell, each other, and so on.

Again, this is not as strange as it may sound. And it’s akin to what we’ve learned about organ transplants. Organ recipients take on personality traits of the donors. Not necessarily all the traits, but some, for sure. There are years of research and a number of books about this energy transference. It’s quite stunning, to say the least.

Energy leaves traces. This is why you might go from feeling content to feeling uncomfortable when you sit in a particular chair or seat on a bus or subway or bench, or why your energy may drop (or raise) when you enter a store or other public place. You might begin to wonder why your mood shifted suddenly and what caused the shift. And, of course, energy doesn’t work only in the negative. It most definitely works in the positive as well, which is why you can be in a bad mood and feel better or happier once someone in a good mood (good energy vibrations) enters the room or calls or e-mails you.

Thinking about this brought to mind the movie Monsters, Inc., where monsters pop out of children’s closets at night so the screams can be captured and used as fuel, like we use electricity. Things change when it’s discovered that children’s laughter creates even more energy than their screams. Plus, everyone has a much happier experience of life when laughter instead of fear is engaged.

We sometimes wonder about the attitudes of so many, as well as our own, that include fear, frustration, depression, lack of inspiration, lack of joy, scarcity, and so on. What if we’re transferring those energies to each other in a viral kind of way, including through what we touch, especially money, which has such an energetic charge throughout our cultural mindsets? Maybe we should wonder how we can spread more love, serenity, and consciousness, even if we don’t say a word about what we’re doing.

Maybe we can (and should) spread love, care, appreciation, financial and other forms of serenity, joy, blessings, and lots of good things, by putting those thought energies into whatever we touch, particularly money, rather than the thought energies we sometimes put into them. Now that’s the kind of energy, for the highest good of all, to make viral. And think of what it will do for you and your mindset and well-being, as well. It’s a good practice, one you’ll appreciate.   

Practice makes progress.

© Joyce Shafer